A Prayer for SAMCRO
by wanderinggypsyfeet
Summary: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray SAMCRO my soul to keep. When I die while I'm awake, I pray the Reaper my soul to take. Amen. The story of the two teenagers that swept through Charming with their love, the obsessive love, the crazy love, the destructive love. What brought them together and what tore them apart, the crown prince of bikers and a future doctor. HS setting, J/T D/O
1. Birth

**AN:** My high school story of how Jax and Tara came to be and why they are who they are when we see them together again at Abel's birth. Updating weekly, fully intend for this to be a long story. Thanks for reading!

* * *

 **1978:**

"Congratulations." The nurse says, gently settling the baby into the woman's arms. "You have a son."

"He's perfect." The man says in awe, gently resting a large head on the baby's head of dark hair.

"What should we name him?" The woman asks, leaning forward and nuzzling noses with her son, trying to hold back tears.

"Harry. Harry Winston." The man says resolutely and the woman looks up at him with raised eyebrows.

"My son doesn't look like a Harry." She protests and the man sighs, watching as the baby moves slightly, settling into his mother's arms.

"We can call him Opie then." He relents. "Our American boy."

"You watch too much TV." She grumbles, but leans down close to her son. "Hello, Opie." She whispers and his eyelids flutter.

"Opie." His father says proudly, then gets up and swings his kutte on. "I'm going to tell the club." He says, walking out the door. The woman watches him go, Opie clutched protectively in her arms.

* * *

 **1978, a couple months later:**

"YOU TELL THAT ASSHOLE IF HE'S NOT HERE FOR THE BIRTH OF THIS CHILD, I WILL PERSONALLY INSURE THAT HE NEVER HAS ANOTHER CHILD IN THIS LIFETIME!" A woman bellows and two men with prospect kuttes on scurry out of the room.

"Mrs. Teller, we need you to calm down." One nurse requests and the woman gives her a deadly look.

"Don't tell me to calm down when my husband isn't here." She snaps. "I'm not pushing this little shit out until he's here."

"Mrs. Teller, you're going to have to push soon. You're nearly fully dilated." The nurse reminds her and she tosses her dark hair back, crossing her arms over her large belly.

"Not. Until. My. Husband. Is. Here!" She says flatly. "You understand that, missy?" The nurse sighs and walks out, the door slamming behind her.

"Mrs. Teller…" The doctor says, entering the room with a smug nurse behind him. "We need to start pushing."

"Is my husband behind her?" She asks, pointing to the nurse. "Because if he isn't, I'm not doing shit."

"Gemma, I'm here." A man with long hair and scruff says, hurrying in and to her side. "Jesus Christ, there was no need to send half the club after me."

"You weren't missing the birth of your first child." She snaps, grabbing his hand. He does a good job of hiding his flinching.

"I'm here, now will you please listen to the doctors?" He requests and she narrows her eyes then casts a haughty look at the nurse and nods.

"Ok, Mrs. Teller, I want you to push." He says, pulling on gloves. Gemma takes a deep breath then pushes, gasping at the effort she exerts. "Good, good, keep pushing." She takes another deep breath then pushes again, a grunt escaping.

"You're doing great, Gem." John encourages.

"You fucking did this to me." She groans and he pushes her hair back.

"Gem, we're gonna have a son. Or a daughter. Just get through this." He says and she squeezes his hand again, pushing.

"There's the head, c'mon, we've nearly got the shoulders and your child will be here!" The doctor says and with one final push and groan, the wails of a baby fill the room.

"What is it?" Gemma questions, leaning back with her eyes closed.

"A boy." The nurse calls, pulling the boy away and hurrying out the door with him. Gemma bolts upright.

"A son?" John asks, incredulously.

"Where is she taking my son?" Gemma demands.

"We have to take him away and make sure everything is ok." The doctor reassures her and Gemma's hand automatically finds her heart.

"What do you mean, if everything is ok? Is something wrong?" She asks and the doctor shakes his head.

"Given your preexisting condition Mrs. Teller, we think it's in baby Teller's best interest that we closely examine every part of him. A nurse will be back shortly to tell you more." He says, bowing his head and leaving. Gemma watches him go, stunned.

"So they can just take my son?" She asks and John kisses her head.

"Gem, we have a son." He says quietly and she leans back, taking a deep breath. Then she looks up at him.

"A son." She says, as though she's trying out the words. "A son."

"We can't keep calling him baby Teller." John points out and Gemma nods.

"We thought about Jackson." She says and John nods, kissing her head.

"Jackson Nathaniel. For your brother." He says quietly and Gemma's mouth twists into a thin line.

"We'll call him Jax." She says and John nods, kissing her. "Go tell the club. Tell Piney that Opie has a best friend, not a wife." She orders and chuckling, John leaves the room.

"Mrs. Teller?" A nurse says, sticking her head around the door timidly. Gemma looks up at her. "If you'd like, I can wheel you over to see your son." She offers and Gemma sits up.

"Get me the damn chair then if you think I can't walk." She says and the nurse helps her into the wheelchair. She pushes Gemma into a room full of bassinets and crying babies. Several doctors and nurses are gathered around one in particular. They turn when Gemma approaches and she sees John is with them.

"Gemma, he's perfect." He says instantly.

"And the family flaw?" She asks and his face falls.

"He has it." The doctor informs her and she moans, covering her mouth. "But his odds are good. We'll put him on the best medication available. He could very well grow up a strong young man and live a long life." Gemma ignores the rest of what the doctor has to says and wheels herself up to look into the bassinet herself. A little boy, with a blue blanket and head of fuzzy blond hair is sleeping peacefully; unaware of the attention he is receiving.

"Jackson Nathanial Teller. I will protect you for the rest of your life." She promises fiercely.

* * *

 **1980:**

"A girl?" The man asks, as if he's heard the nurse incorrectly. "I have a daughter?" The nurse nods and he takes a deep breath.

"We'll call her Tara then, just like you wanted." He says to his wife, who nods, not looking at him but rather the baby in her arms. "Tara Grace… She'll do great things." He says thoughtfully.

"She's beautiful." The woman says quietly and the man finally walks over to look down at the little girl. He takes in her thick, dark hair and gently touches her face. Her eyes open, just a peek, and he sees the same olive color in the eyes of his wife. He smiles.

"My nose, your eyes." He says, a sense of amazement in his voice.

"She'll be a stunner when she's older." She says and he narrows his eyes at these words.

"She'll be smart before pretty." He says firmly and his wife chooses to ignore that part of it, running a finger down her daughter's face.

"Tara Grace." She says, kissing the baby's forehead.

* * *

 **1984:**

"I don't get it." Jax announces loudly.

"Get what?" Opie asks, looking at him from the TV.

"Why are we waiting here? Why does my dad get to go with mom?" He asks and Piney smiles.

"Jackson, you're going to have a little brother or sister." He explains and Jax sighs, slumping back in his chair.

"I know, but it's taking forever. I want to know now." He complains and Piney just chuckles.

"I promise your birth took a lot longer." He tells him and both boys look up, interested. "Your mom refused to have you till your dad was there. Half the nurses were terrified of her. I'm betting when word got out that Gemma Teller was pregnant again, they had to draw straws for the task." He says thoughtfully and Jax frowns.

"Draw straws?" He asks and Piney is saved a response when John enters the waiting room. Jax jumps off his chair and sprints for his father. John catches him, lifting him up with a grunt.

"How'd it go?" Piney asks and John grins, shaking his head.

"Another son." He says quietly. "Thomas Wayne Teller. You have a little brother." He tells Jax, who lights up.

"Healthy?" Piney asks and John just shakes his head.

"We'll see." He says, then hides his pain remarkably well and hoists Jax a little higher. "Do you want to go meet him?" He asks him and Jax nods. John walks with him down the hallway, guiding him to a large window.

"Which one is ours, daddy?" Jax asks, frowning at the amount of babies in front of him.

"Do you see mommy?" John asks, pointing to where Gemma is holding vigil over a bassinet. "She's watching your brother."

"Can we go see him up close?" Jax pesters and John nods.

"But you can't touch him. He's very small." He says and Jax nods seriously. John enters the room quietly.

"Hi baby." Gemma says softly, kissing Jax's head. "Did daddy tell you that you have a little brother?"

"Thomas." Jax recites and she smiles, nodding.

"That's him." She says, gesturing to the baby and Jax inspects him with a frown, unimpressed.

"He's small." He observes.

"You were that small too. You've gotta help him grow up big and tall like you did." She says and Jax looks at her in surprise, as though she's told him some huge secret that's changed his world.

"I'll help you Tommy." He says, leaning as far over the bassinet as his father will allow him. "I'll help you grow up."

* * *

 **1988:**

"Mom, I don't get it." Jax says quietly. "Why is dad going to jail?" Gemma looks at her 10-year-old son in the backseat through the rearview mirror. His 4-year-old brother is sound asleep in the seat next to him.

"Baby, it's going to be just fine." She promises. "Your father just made a mistake. The club is going take care of you, you know that right? Everything will be just fine." She promises.

"Did you tell Tommy?" Jax asks her worriedly, looking at her brother and a smile tweaks at the corners of Gemma's mouth despite the dire circumstances. Her eldest, always so worried about his brother.

"I told him that his father is over in Ireland again. That's easier for him to understand than jail. It's to protect him." She says and Jax stiffens at the mention of protecting his little brother. Gemma arrives at the clubhouse, parking the car. Jax gets out and waits patiently as she lifts Thomas out of the car.

"Mom." He says quietly as they walk into the clubhouse. "Is dad ever coming home?" He asks and she gives him a stern look.

"Never doubt that your father will get out. The club takes care of it's own, Jackson. You remember that. Remember our loyalty." She orders and he nods, following her into the clubhouse.

* * *

 **AN:** So until I get to high school, which is soon, I'll be showing little flashes of moments where Jax and Tara's lives crossed. Please, please, leave me a review, if you follow this story let me know, if you love it or hate it let me know, tell me whatever you'd like, I want all the feedback. Thank you for reading!


	2. Death

**AN:** Wow! I am blown away and so grateful for the response this story has gotten! Please, please, keep leaving your thoughts about the direction this story is taking, I honestly truly love it. Now, more flashbacks!

* * *

 **1989:**

Tara stands in front of her mirror, inspecting herself. Her black shoes are a size too small. They're a couple years old, but there had no time in the last couple days to tell someone that she needs new ones, so her toes are uncomfortably cramped. Her tights are new, since an aunt had the foresight to see that her old ones had a run in them. Her dress is a hand-me-down from some cousin and it's uncomfortably tight around her neck.

A large bow cinches her waist in and she feels the rumble of her stomach, but grits her teeth and pushes her shoulder length, dark hair out of her face with a headband. She leans forward and looks into her eyes in the mirror. Her mother's eyes. All she has left.

"Tara!" Someone yells up the stairs and she walks down them, looking up blankly at one of her aunts. She is pulled into a car, then hustled into a pew, while some minister drones on and on about the great Grace Knowles, a pillar of her community, a cherished mother and wife. She observes how stoic her family looks, all of them refusing to look at each other. She follows them obediently after the service to the grave. Someone hands her a flower and she looks at them, confused as what to do with it.

She watches as her father places the rose on top of the casket, his fingers trembling as he does. She follows suit, carefully watching her rose as others are laid on top of it. When the service is done and the crowd drifts away, she waits, then reaches for her flower and plucks a petal from it, carefully hiding it in her little black purse. Then she hurries after her family.

She sits on a chair, swinging her legs, watching as the subdued crowd mingles, eating tiny sandwiches and sipping punch. No one notices her, the small, pale figure in the corner. No one, expect a woman in a tight black dress and high heels. She frowns at Tara then sends a small, blond boy her way.

"Hi." He says brightly.

"Hi." Tara says unsurely.

"I'm Tommy." He says happily.

"Tara." She says quietly.

"My mom told me that I should tell you that my brother and his friends are playing outside." He informs her and she frowns.

"Why does that matter?" She asks and he shrugs.

"I'm gonna go play with them." He announces, walking out. Tara hesitates for a minute, looking at her dad. Then she hops off the chair and hurries after Tommy. Outside, a group of boys a little older than her are playing with a baseball, tossing it back and forth.

"Hey Tommy, wanna play?" A blond boy calls and Tommy runs across from him. The boy grins and throws the ball, whooping when Tommy dives to catch it. Tara sits on the ground, watching.

"Wanna play?" A boy offers, his long brown hair looking as through it's been hastily brushed back. She shakes her head and he shrugs, running back and trying to catch the ball before the blond boy can.

"Who's the girl?" The blond boy asks loudly.

"I dunno." The long hair boy says nonchalantly, producing another baseball and bouncing it off the walls of the church.

"My name is Tara." She says, annoyed that they're talking about her when she can clearly hear them. "Tara Knowles."

"Isn't your mom the one who died?" Another boy snickers and she looks into her lap, her tears welling up.

"Shut up Charlie." The blond haired boy says fiercely.

"What's it matter to you Jax, your dad is in jail." The boy sneers and Jax walks for him, but the long hair boy catches his arm and holds him back. The other boys walk away, talking loudly amongst themselves. Tara watches with wide eyes. The two boys talk for a second, then the other boy resumes throwing the ball with Tommy as Jax jogs over to her.

"Hey. I'm Jax Teller." He introduces himself.

"Tara." She says warily.

"I'm sorry about your mom." He says quietly and she gives a halfhearted shrug. "And if those boys keep bothering you, let me or Opie know." He says and she looks at Opie, who's watching them though he's clearly not trying to be obvious. Jax gives her a smile and jogs back to the two of them.

"Thanks." She says quietly, aware that he can't hear her. She stays seated, watching them until an aunt finds her and takes her away.

* * *

 **1990:**

His hands are trembling. He wanted to be strong today. He wanted to be strong for his mother, but now his hands are shaking and he can't remember the way his tie is suppose to go, even though Clay had explained it to him multiple times. Jax had wanted to do it on his own, but now he can't make the loops and knots because his hands are refusing to cooperate.

He rips the tie off, his frustration giving way to blind anger. He kicks his desk, hard, trying to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks again. He sinks down on his bed and covers his face.

"Jax…" A deep voice says from the doorway and he looks up. Clay is looking at him sadly from the door.

"I can't get my tie right." He says thickly, trying to swallow down his tears. Clay walks in and gestures for him to stand up. Jax does so and Clay works at the knot around his neck.

"You need to be strong today Jackson." Clay says quietly and Jax nods.

"I'm trying." He says, not looking up at Clay.

"I know. You're doing a good job. But your mom, she's gonna need you today. Tomorrow, you can let your grief tear you apart. But not today. Today you hold it in." He says and Jax inhales, closing his eyes. He locks his feelings up tightly and exhales, opening his eyes and nodding.

"Ok." He says and Clay pats his head. Jax follows him downstairs, where his heart sinks when he sees how his mother is clutching Thomas's baby hat, her eyes wide but unseeing.

"Gemma." Clay says softly, holding onto her elbow gently. "C'mon." He guides her to the car, when a prospect is waiting to drive. Gemma climbs into the black sedan and closes the door. Clay nods to Jax, who nods back before climbing into the sedan and buckling himself in.

The funeral is somber and Jax doesn't understand why it would be. Tommy would've hated it. There is no baseball, a sport he loved, just flowers and words about a 'vibrant and beloved son, gone too soon'. He thinks about how Tommy would've ridden his bike down the aisle, whooping and laughing.

His little brother is up there in a casket dwarfed by the massive floral arrangements. Jax had seen him in the casket. He had looked so small. Tommy had always been small for his age, something that Jax made sure to mind when he played with other kids. But his tiny suit and tiny tie seemed odd to Jax, since Tommy loved his tee shirts and jeans more than anything.

His mother is sobbing next to him, Clay's arms around her to prevent her from collapsing to the floor. Opie is in the pew behind him and Jax twists to look at him. Opie is holding back tears of his own, but he manages a nod. After the service finishes and they head towards the cars, Jax stiffens up as men in kuttes file past, hugging his mother and patting his shoulder.

The casket does not travel alone. It is flanked by hundreds of motorcycles. John Teller, founder of SAMCRO, is sending his son off the only way he can from behind bars- with his men in force. The motorcade leads them to the cemetery, when the tiny casket is lowered into a grave inscribed with his brother's name.

He stares at the headstone for a long time, long after everyone has left and gone to comfort his mother, who has lost her ability to weep and instead stares straight ahead, like she can bring back her dead son with her sheer force of will. No one tries to pull Jackson Teller away from the grave.

He is an only child. His only purpose in life was to protect Tommy. He had taken that mantle on at 6 years old and it had been his world for the last 6 years. Feeding Tommy, playing with Tommy, bathing Tommy, making sure he was happy. The Teller boys, two of a kind, practically identical and attached at the hip. Jax feels alone now, drifting.

"He's ok, you know." Opie says, coming up behind Jax and waiting. Jax hangs his head, feeling tired. "He's up there, wherever. Probably working on his throw. Making everyone laugh."

"What if he's not?" Jax asks, the pain leaking into his voice. "What if he's scared? What if there's no heaven or hell like that guy says? What if…" He trails off, unable to say any more. Opie says nothing, just claps Jax's shoulder. Jax takes shaky breaths, trying to regain control.

"How can he be scared? Every club member is here." Opie says quietly and Jax looks at the huge line of bikes, smiling slightly. "C'mon, lets go look through them and pick our favorites." He encourages and Jax nods, following him, casting one final look back at his baby brother's grave.

* * *

 **1991:**

"He's different." Jax protests, frustrated, walking back and forth. Opie watches him pace calmly.

"He spent 3 years in jail and one of his kids died." He points out and Jax flinches but recovers. "He's probably not sure of what to do."

"Be my dad!" Jax bursts. "Is it that hard? Lately all he does is write in his journals and go to the clubhouse." He sits on Opie's bed, brooding.

"That's our dads. The club is always more important." Opie reminds him and Jax just looks thoughtful. "Listen Jax your dad isn't going to be perfect but at least he's here now. Now are we going to the football game or what?" He demands.

"Losers play football." Jax responds instantly and Opie rolls his eyes.

"I know they do but that's where all the cute girls are, so can you tough it out this time?" He asks and Jax raises an eyebrow.

"You like that Donna girl." He observes and Opie goes bright red, shoving him off the bed.

"No I don't." He says flatly and Jax laughs, good-naturedly swinging a pillow at him and fending off the retaliation.

"Fine, we can go to football, but only if you promise to talk to her." He bargains and Opie grumbles a protest but Jax ignores it.

"Mom, can I sleep at Jax's tonight?" Opie yells as they head out the door.

"Ask Gemma!" She calls back and Jax rolls his eyes.

"She won't care." He guarantees and Opie shakes his head.

When the football game ends and Jax is unlocking the door to his house, he stares at Opie in disbelief.

"I panicked." Opie admits.

"Yeah you panicked, you spilled popcorn over her and all her friends." Jax says, shaking his head and locking the door behind him and opening the fridge. "That's the dumbest move I've seen you pull yet."

"Like you could do better." Opie challenges and Jax shrugs.

"Maybe I will." He says casually and Opie snorts.

"Hey, why is Clay's bike in your driveway?" Opie asks and Jax takes a drink straight from the carton of milk.

"Try not to think about it." He advises, leading Opie to his room.

* * *

 **1992:**

"IT'S ME OR SAMCRO!" Mary Winston screams at the top of her lungs, in the driveway.

"Don't do this." Piney begs, looking at Opie, who's sitting on the porch steps and pretending not to listen.

"I've had it Piney! I'm not dealing with the drinking! I'm not dealing with the smoking! The women and the lies and the violence! This isn't a goddamn western! This is our life, my life, and your son's life. You're going to get us all killed, because you can't see past this club. I refuse to stand by and let you do this." She spits furiously and Piney throws his hands up.

"Fine then you infernal woman! Leave!" He bellows and she bares her teeth.

"Opie, get in the car." She orders and Opie remains still. "Harry, get in the car, right now."

"Son, do it." Piney says tiredly and Opie looks at him in disbelief.

"Dad…" He says slowly.

"Car. Now." Mary commands and Opie stands, staring at his father.

"I'm not leaving." He states and Piney shakes his head.

"Do what she tells you." He says and Opie looks at him in outright rage. "Just go, it'll be better."

"If you don't get in the car I'll call CPS and they can drag your ass out. You're still a minor, you have to come with me, and there's no way a judge will award him custody." She says disdainfully.

"Tell Jax." Opie tells his father, as Mary grasps his arm and drags him towards the car.

John knocks on Jax's door softly and Jax looks up from his motorcycle magazine. John enters and sits heavily on the bed. Jax eyes him warily. His father never brings him good news.

"Opie left today." John announces and Jax frowns.

"What do you mean, Opie left today?" He demands and John shrugs.

"Mary took him and decided that it would be best if they left Charming." He explains and Jax stares at him, uncomprehending.

"He can't, he's my best friend. He can't just leave." He says, as though it should be obvious.

"I'm sorry Jackson." John says quietly, standing up and resting his head on his son's head. Then he walks out, shutting the door behind him. Jax stares at the door, unable to understand losing 2 brothers in as many years.

* * *

 **1993:**

Jax blindly fights his way out of the hospital, shoving aside anyone who tries to stop him. Behind him he can hear his mother, Clay, and others calling out his name, but he ignores them all, mind only focused on one thing. He walks into the sunlight and squints in the brightness. Then, without waiting for his eyes to adjust, he sets off running.

He has no destination in his mind. All he knows is to run away from the stretch of road that still bears his father's blood. He keeps running, ignoring the chill of the air and the stabbing pain in his ribs. All he can think that is maybe if he keeps running, he'll run to a world where he still has his father, his brother, his best friend. Where he hasn't lost so many, so young.

He reaches a dead end and bends over, gasping, trying to take breaths and ease the stitch in his side. The emotion of it hits him and he moans. He is fatherless. He is a half orphan, alone now with only his mother. He stands up, hands on head, feeling as though his entire being is going to burst at the seams.

He looks up to the sky and unleashes a wild howl, the pain evident in his body. He keeps yelling until his voice fails and he sinks down, resting his head on his knees. He tries to hold back his sobs and fails. They make him shake and he draws himself up into a ball.

He feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and the presence of someone sitting next to him. He tries to compose himself, unable to see through the haze of his tears. The figure doesn't move and once his vision clears, he see familiar pale skin, dark hair that's a little longer now, but still roughly cut, and olive eyes that don't look at him but rather straight ahead.

"Tara." He says quietly and she looks at him with wide eyes.

"Jax." She says back and he nods. "You ok?"

"I'm fine." He says, trying to stand up and brush her hand off. She lets it fall to her side, looking up at him.

"Your dad died, didn't he?" She asks him and he looks at her in surprise. "I saw it in the paper, that the president of SAMCRO was in an accident." She reveals and he shakes his head, walking away from her. "Wait." She calls and he turns to look at her. "I just… If you need anything, I've been there." She says quietly and he nods, trying to figure out his way back home.

Eventually he makes it there and lets himself in. To his surprise, someone is sitting at his kitchen table. For a second he doesn't recognize the shaved head, but then the soulful hazel eyes meet his and he about collapses in relief. Opie stands up and makes his way around the table, clasping Jax in a tight hug. With his best friend, Jax breaks down completely.

When he dries his tears, he looks Opie over in amazement, noticing that he's grown several inches at least and has filled out, muscle replacing what was once scrawny. He ends with the hair, raising an eyebrow. For as long as he's known him, Opie has never shaved his head.

"Mom's idea." He admits, running a hand over it. "Kinda the final straw in a long fight."

"Are you back for sure?" Jax asks, refusing to get his hopes up. Opie nods, a smile crossing his face and Jax grins back, unable to help himself.

"I told my mom I was coming back the second I heard about your dad. She said if I left I got to stay and she wouldn't make a fuss, so I got the first bus ticket I could find and was gone." He reveals and Jax is impressed at the lengths his friend has gone to get back to Charming.

"Your dad know?" He asks and Opie nods.

"Dropped me off here. Figured you could use something good in your day." He says and Jax nods, hugging Opie once more.

"I love you brother." He mutters and Opie just claps him on the back once.

* * *

 **AN:** And it was titled death for a reason... Now we've kinda got through the childhood stuff, onto the teen years! Let me know what you think, and thank you to every single person that reviewed the first chapter (long list goes here). Keep it up and thanks for reading!


	3. True Love

**AN:** So a little clarification here, Donna and Tara are freshman, Opie and Jax are sophomores. Just want to clear up any confusion, read on and let me know what you think! (We're finally in the teen years, whoo!)

 **1994:**

"Think anyone is going to notice we're gone?" Jax wonders aloud to Opie, who grins, putting out a cigarette.

"The girl you usually spend most of third period making out with in the bathroom might." He quips and Jax flips him the bird, pulling the door to Piney's truck open, but he's grinning.

"Let's go Op, I think today's the day." He says confidently and Opie raises an eyebrow.

"Jax, you say every day that today is the day that you're going to find the perfect bike. You have less than a week until your birthday. I'm pretty sure if you don't find a bike soon, your mom is gonna take back that offer to help buy it." Opie points out and Jax waves a hand.

"Let's stop at the diner before we go look, I want to get a burger before I find the love of my life." He suggests and Opie hides the eye roll very well, starting the truck up.

They walk into the diner, heading for their typical table in the back corner. To their surprise, it is already occupied. A wicked grin crosses Jax's face when he sees who is sitting there, her head bent over her notebook and he dances out of Opie's desperate grab for him.

"Jax, no!" Opie hisses and Jax winks at him before saying loudly,

"Donna! Darlin'!" The girl looks up with an amused smile, setting down her pencil and tilting her head to look at Jax.

"Hey Jax, Opie. What are you two doing, skipping class?" She asks knowingly and Jax shakes his head.

"Not at all, you got it all wrong." He promises and she raises an eyebrow. "We have special permission, see, to come to the diner for lunch, since that cafeteria food upsets poor Op's stomach here." He says and Opie bristles.

"Somehow I don't think you have special permission." Donna says, refusing to let Jax charm her.

"Do you?" He turns it back on her and she smiles smugly.

"Yes, we do." She informs him and the other girl looks up. Jax reels backwards as Tara blushes and looks down.

"Tara." He says in surprise. "What're you doing here?"

"We're working on yearbook stuff. The upperclassman are at a different table, since they don't want to affiliate with lowly freshman." Donna tells him, making a face at the crowded table across the diner.

"You're a freshman?" Jax asks Tara, who nods. "I thought you were like 2 years younger than us." He says, confused.

"She is, but she skipped 2nd grade." Donna says, bumping Tara's shoulder with her own.

"Smart, huh?" Opie asks. "Girl with brains like that should date the smart guys too." He jabs and Jax throws him a look.

"Sure?" Tara says unsurely and Donna is looking around Jax at Opie with half narrowed eyes.

"Well, we're gonna get burgers." Opie says, grabbing Jax's arm tightly. He recovers enough to bob his head at the girls and throw them a brilliant smile before turning and falling in step with Opie.

"What was that?" Opie asks curiously and Jax raises an eyebrow.

"What was what?" He asks smoothly, winking at the waitress, who grins back and disappears into the kitchen.

"You like her." Opie says flatly and Jax looks at him, stunned.

"I do not." He protests automatically. Opie just folds his arms. "She's cute sure but she's young." He protests.

"Since when has that ever stopped you?" Opie mutters.

"What?" Jax asks politely and Opie stares at him levelly until Jax looks away, folding his own arms.

"And next time you want an excuse to talk to Tara, don't bring up my sensitive stomach." Opie orders.

"Well I thought it was high time Donna know something about you, since you've had a crush on her since we were middle schoolers and refuse to act on it." Jax retorts and Opie frowns.

"I have acted on it." He grumbles and Jax raises an eyebrow.

"Walking past her in the hallways once and nodding does not count." He says and Opie sighs, leaning back.

"She's not the kind of girl who's gonna get on the back of my bike, alright?" He grumbles.

"How do you know until you ask?" Jax prods. "Ask her, I bet she'll say yes."

"She's the kind of girl who dates the star of the football team!" Opie protests and Jax scoffs.

"Toby's an idiot anyway." He says dismissively then twists around in his chair. "Hey! Donna!" He hollers and Opie scrambles to reach across the table and cover his mouth. "Would you wanna- OW! Wanna go on- Jesus Christ Op! Go on Opie's- Quit trying to strangle me, I'm trying to get you a date! GO ON OPIE'S BIKE?" He bellows the last part before Opie succeeds in wrestling Jax into silence.

"Sure." Donna agrees cheerily, watching as Opie looks up in disbelief, gasping. "Pick me up tomorrow at 5, here. Don't think I should let my parents know what I'm doing."

"See, it's that simple." Jax says, once he's able to break free of Opie's hold. "Now you just pick the lovely lady up at 5 tomorrow." He straightens up with a grin, winking at Donna.

"Eat your damn burger and pick your damn bike." Opie says, looking half thrilled, half stern. Jax just smirks and takes a drink of water, massaging his throat and winching dramatically.

"Ok, I'm ready." He announces, tossing a napkin down and smiling at Opie, who is still annoyed with him.

"Are you sure? Because if you don't pick a bike today, I will kill you." He warns him and Jax just grins, dismissing Opie's threats with a wave of his hand. He throws some money down on the table then walks out the door, pausing to smirk at Donna and Tara.

"Ah, Jackson Teller." A short, bald man says, walking out from behind the counter and shaking their hands. "Come back for your final visit I hope?"

"We all hope." Opie grumbles and Jax rolls his eyes then rubs his together, eagerly looking at the door behind them.

"I'm ready, Ronny." He says and the man takes a key from his belt and unlocks the door, letting Jax and Opie in first. Jax makes his way across the large storeroom easily; tracing a now familiar path until he finds the bike he is in love with. He stops in front of it, looking down with an expression of adoration.

"A 1988 FXSTS Springer Softail with custom chrome and all black detail. It's a great choice Jax, especially for your first bike. She'll last you another ten years minimum." Ronny says and Jax runs a loving hand down the seat. "I already have most of the paperwork started from the last six times you visited." Ronny says and Jax hesitates slightly.

"Jax, would you sign the damn papers?" Opie demands, frustrated.

"I just want to make sure this is the one I love, Op." Jax says and Opie exchanges exasperated looks with Ronny.

"If only he put this much thought into the girls he sleeps with." He says tiredly and Ronny snorts.

"Alright, fine, this is the one." Jax agrees and Ronny claps his hand, leading Jax to his office. Opie exhales a sigh of relief.

"About time." He comments, when Jax and Ronny exit, Jax grinning.

"See Op, one less thing for you to worry about. I've found my bike, now all you have to do is figure how you're gonna drive yours with Donna on the back." He says cheerfully then ducks the punch that Opie throws.

"In the truck." He commands. "And see if you get a birthday present from me."

"I will." Jax says confidently. "You'll get me something cause that's just how you are Op."

"I'll get you a flaming pile of shit, like you deserve." Opie says and Jax frowns at him, affronted.

"I am trying to get you laid, why is that such a bad thing?" He demands and Opie rolls his eyes.

"Because you like the embarrassment you get out of it, not my happiness." He says flatly and Jax shrugs, not bothering to deny it.

"She's cute, I just don't think she's hot." Jax observes thoughtfully and Opie throws him a look.

"What's that mean?" He asks in slight confusion.

"I mean, she's got one of the best ass's in the freshman class, sure, but why would you have a girl that probably hasn't ever seen a dick in her life when you can have a girl that knows her way around one?" Jax points out and Opie smacks him, making Jax jump.

"Because believe it or not, some relationships are about more than getting your dick sucked." He says wisely and Jax looks skeptical.

"Ma!" Jax yells, tossing the door open with a loud bang. "I picked a bike." Gemma sticks her head out of the office and smiles, walking over and hugging her only son tightly.

"The Softail?" She asks and Jax nods. "Well I'm glad you know a good bike when you see it." She says with approval.

"Hey ma, guess what happened today." He says, casting Opie a shit-eating grin. "Op here finally got a date."

"What?" Gemma asks, folding her arms. "Who?" Opie shoots Jax that is clearly meant to tell him that he'll be murdered soon, then admits,

"Donna."

"Donna Lerner?" She asks and Opie nods while Jax grins. "Well, she's a good girl Op. What are you gonna do?"

"I, uh, am gonna…" Opie trails off, rubbing the back of his head and Gemma gives him a stern look. "Pick her up at the diner on my bike." He says, nearly inaudible. Gemma points to Jax.

"This was his idiot idea, wasn't it?" She asks and Opie nods in relief. "Jackson!" She says sternly and he puts his hands up, the picture of guiltlessness.

"What?" He asks innocently.

"Do you have any idea how to treat a woman? Properly?" Gemma asks Jax and he shifts from side to side, looking at his feet. "Jesus Christ, you don't pick her up at the diner."

"Well I can't pick her up from home, she doesn't want her parents to know she's going out on a bike." He protests and Gemma narrows her eyes.

"Ok, ok, ok." Jax says, putting his hands up and getting between the two of them before Gemma can continue to question Opie. "We're gonna go ma. Have a good day!" He calls, ushering Opie out.

"Oh my god, this is gonna be a disaster." Opie says, eyes wide and Jax drags him to the truck, laughing.

"Would you stop worrying about it?" He asks and Opie shakes his head.

"Jax, this isn't some girl you fuck when her parents aren't home. This is Donna!" He points out and Jax rolls his eyes.

"Jesus Op calm down. It's gonna be fine. Do you wanna practice what you're gonna say when you pick her up?" He mocks and Opie shoves him, making Jax laugh even harder.

"I will kill you." He threatens and Jax shrugs, unconcerned.

"Get laid and see if that lowers your anger level." He says wisely and Opie just looks at him balefully, which makes Jax grin even wider.

"You better figure this out." He orders and Jax frowns.

"Meaning what?" He asks and Opie waves a hand.

"Meaning you have to figure out what the hell I should do with the girl once she's on the back of my bike!" He says and Jax slumps down briefly then shoots up with a twinkle in his eye. "What?" Opie asks warily.

"Well, who would anyone ask if they wanted to find out stuff about you?" Jax asks pointedly and Opie frowns.

"My drunk father?" He suggests and Jax frowns, hitting him.

"No, me, you jackass. You ask their best friend." He says suggestively and Opie still looks at him blankly. "We ask Tara!" He bursts and Opie rolls his eyes.

"This is an excuse for you to talk to her again." He says flatly and now it's Jax who waves a hand.

"I can't help it if she intrigues me." He says airily.

"Until you sleep with her." Opie says and though Jax punches him, he doesn't try to dispute it.

 **AN:** I just want to thank everyone for your awesome and kind words, I hope it's living up to your expectations. A little early update as I'm traveling to the mountains this weekend, hoping to write a couple more chapters on the drive- anything you think is important that I include? Let me know in reviews please!


	4. Date Ideas

"Are you really going on a date with Opie Winston?" Tara asks Donna as they walk out of school together. Donna blushes, hoisting her backpack up higher and shrugging.

"I mean, I don't see why not." She says carefully and Tara raises an eyebrow, both of them headed for the bus.

"Because he's one of those motorcycle riding jerks who think they own this town?" She points out and Donna frowns.

"Things bad with your dad again?" She asks lowly and Tara tightens her grip on her backpack.

"No." She says resolutely then crumbles slightly. "It's just, his drinking is getting really bad again. I thought it was getting better." She says quietly and Donna leans her head on top of Tara's shorter frame.

"It's ok. It'll get better." She promises and Tara doesn't try to argue with her but slides into the seat next to her and scrunches her knees up tightly to her chest, brooding.

At Donna's stop she scoots out of the seat and gives a sympathetic smile to Tara before disappearing down the steps. Tara watches listlessly as the houses become smaller and less well maintained, before arriving at her stop. She walks off the bus, breathing in the still crisp April air. The day is warm enough for her to contemplate opening the windows.

"Tara." She turns at the sound of Opie's voice, startled. He and Jax are across the road, sitting in a beaten up pickup truck. Jax is reclining lazily, feet on the dashboard, casting her a confident grin.

"Hey Opie." She says carefully, tearing her eyes off Jax and watching as Opie crosses the narrow street. "What's up?"

"I, uh, need your help." He admits, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. She raises her eyebrows.

"About Donna." She states.

"How'd you know?" He asks skeptically and she rolls her eyes, leading him towards her house and picking up the key from under a fake rock.

"Your best friend asks a girl out for you, that means you're not confident enough to do it yourself, which means you have absolutely no clue how to handle things." She says simply, unlocking the door and ushering him in.

"Well, Jax, he has his own way of doing things." He admits ruefully, glancing over his shoulder, chuckling as Jax scrambles out of the truck and dashes for the house, catching the door before it slams shut.

"What'd I miss?" He asks breathlessly.

"Us establishing you're a jackass." Tara says nonchalantly and Jax looks offended, but recovers.

"So, any ideas?" He asks, flopping down on the couch.

"Up." Tara orders, leading them through the kitchen and towards the patio behind the house. Opie takes in the empty bottles on the table and the overflowing recycling bins but wisely keeps his mouth shut. "Sit." She says, pointing to the well-worn chairs circling a table.

"Lady likes to be in charge." Jax says admiringly and Tara shoots him a look so cold his mouth snaps shut.

"Do you actually like Donna or are you just trying to get laid?" Tara interrogates, staring down Opie. Jax opens his mouth and in one fluid movement, Opie manages to cover Jax's mouth and force his head to his knees.

"I actually like her." He says smoothly and Tara watches Jax wriggle, trying to escape Opie for a moment before smiling thinly.

"Good. Then I have a couple ideas for you." She says.

"Like what?" Jax asks, popping up and Tara looks at him, exasperated.

"Can you control your puppy?" She asks Opie, who shakes his head wearily and Jax looks between the two of them with narrowed eyes.

"I don't like that you two are bonding against me." He states.

"I don't like you." Tara says flatly, sitting down. Jax opens his mouth, but before more charm can come out, Tara looks back to Opie. "Do you know anything about Donna?"

"Sorta." He admits, squirming uncomfortably and Tara looks at him steadfastly while Jax's head swivels between the two of them. "She's uh, a year younger than me, she went to um, Adams Elementary School, I met her in middle school…" He trails off, looking at Jax desperately and Tara buries her head in her hands while Jax snorts with laughter.

"You're an asshole." Tara says coolly to Jax.

"I thought he knew more!" He protests. "He's been obsessed with her since middle school!"

"Opie, how many words have you said to Donna?" Tara asks him pointedly and he hangs his head.

"None." He confesses quietly and when Jax roars with laughter, Tara is ready and smacks him in the arm.

"Kick him out." She orders.

"Gladly." Opie grumbles, tipping Jax's chair so he falls onto the cement.

"Hey!" He objects. "I wanna know what's happening! This was my idea!"

"We'll keep you posted." Tara promises without conviction and Jax stares openmouthed at Opie. He shoos him away with a wave of his hand and Jax sulks off, scowling.

"What do I do?" Opie asks, the instant Jax is out of range.

"You really should pick her up at the diner." Tara says and when Opie's forehead crinkles, she sighs and draws her knees to her chest. "Her dad is a religion nut. I'm talking crosses in every room, bible study every night. The only reason Donna doesn't have to leave the house in full-length skirts is because he's usually gone. He's a salesmen." She explains and Opie looks at her with wide eyes.

"So he's not gonna like her on the back of my bike?" He guesses.

"No, he's going to hate her on the back of your bike." Tara corrects and he winches. "She's not a total romantic, but a little something wouldn't hurt. I'm not talking a dozen red roses, but I'm saying shower, brush your hair, that stuff." She says and he looks at her, insulted.

"I can take care of myself." He maintains.

"Sorry, never lived with a male who could." Tara says evenly. "You'll wanna take her somewhere for a ride, then go eat and afterwards do something that could be considered romantic."

"Like what?" He asks, the desperation creeping back into his voice.

"Get ice cream and go for a walk." She says calmly and Opie starts breathing again. "Drive her to Stockton and walk the waterfront."

"Tara, you're a genius." He breathes and she sits back, grinning.

"She likes mint chocolate chip." She says and he looks at her like he's going to kiss her. "Go get your sad little sidekick." She says, nodding towards the door to the garage that Jax had disappeared through.

"Don't say that to Jax, he likes to think I'm the sidekick." He tells her with a chuckle and she raises an eyebrow.

"I don't care if I make him angry." She says indifferently and Opie stops, turning around to look at her with a frown.

"What do you have against Jax?" He asks, mostly curious, somewhat defensive. Tara stares at him balefully.

"Rebecca Carrey." She says and when Opie doesn't show recognition, she sighs. "A girl Jax dated this year. Before his dad died. She was in love with him. I sit at her lunch table, I know. Before his dad died, he told her that he loved her, that she was the one for him, everything. Then when his dad died, he left her and told her every last second of it was a lie."

"Listen, Jax is having a really hard time," Opie starts but Tara holds up a hand, shaking her head.

"I get what it's like to lose a parent, Op. You know that. I don't care what Jackson Teller does with girls. I care that he's a liar and he uses people when it's convenient for him." She says and Opie looks at her for a long moment then nods.

"Thanks for all the help with Donna. I really appreciate it." He says and she nods back. Jax is still moping in the truck when he pulls the door handle open and climbs in.

"How'd it go?" Jax asks eagerly.

"Well, now I have a date idea, no thanks to you." Opie says, driving down the road, staring straight ahead.

"I'm the reason you have a date. And I suggested that you go see Tara, so how is it not thanks to me?" Jax points out.

"You got me the date to embarrass me and you suggested Tara so you could flirt with her." Opie corrects him.

"She didn't seem to really flirt back." Jax broods.

"Rebecca Carrey." Opie pronounces and Jax looks at him in puzzlement.

"Who?" He asks.

"You dated her this fall." Opie tells him and Jax looks thoughtful, wracking his brains. "Before your dad." He says hesitantly and Jax shuts down.

"What about her?" He asks tonelessly.

"Tara knows her apparently. And she didn't like the way you handled things, so I think you burned the bridge on her my friend." Opie says and Jax stares out the window until they're almost home.

"If anyone should know what it's like after losing a parent, it's her!" He bursts suddenly.

"That wasn't the issue." Opie says, parking in his driveway.

"What was it then?" Jax demands.

"She thinks you're a liar and manipulative." Opie says then hops out of the truck, leaving Jax fuming.

"I'm not a liar!" He says hotly, storming into the house. Opie keeps making his sandwich, unperturbed by his best friend. "I don't lie, I'm as honest as they come! She just thinks that. She's got to have something against the club. I hate when people judge the club. She doesn't know anything. And I'm manipulative? Has she ever said more than 5 words to me? She thinks she's so mighty, looks down her nose at everyone. Thinks she's smart because she skipped a grade. Like that's a big deal." He rants.

"I mean, it kind of is." Opie interjects and Jax ignores him.

"What even makes her so special? She doesn't have a mom? A lot of people lose their parents. It doesn't make them liars or bad people. God, I thought she was different." He says furiously. "Didn't you?"

"I mean, she is the first girl who has ever made you this mad, so I would say she is different." He says logically. "I'm content to watch the Jax and Tara show. It's been spectacular so far." He says, casually taking a bite of the completed sandwich while Jax gapes at him. "Oh, this needs more mustard."

 **AN:** Yay, finally getting somewhere with this story! Please, please, please let me know what you think in reviews, I love hearing about it!


	5. First Date Jitters

"What do you think Opie and I are going to do?" Donna wonders aloud, as Tara flicks through pictures of the recent choir concert and sets the best ones aside to put in her layout.

"No idea." She lies easily.

"Thank god my dad is out of town." She mutters, picking up the photos Tara sets in front of her, writing captions for them.

"What are you going to tell your mom?" Tara asks interestedly and Donna looks at her with a sheepish smile.

"I was actually hoping that I could tell her I was with you?" She suggests and Tara narrows her eyes. "Please T, she likes you!" Donna begs.

"Then she must not know about my dad." Tara grumbles and Donna is quiet for a couple minutes.

"I was thinking after, we might have a sleepover. Talk about it." She says slowly and Tara softens slightly.

"It's Friday. I need to be home, but you don't need to see my dad like that." She says and Donna rests a hand on her arm.

"I could help." She proposes and Tara just sorts through more photos, face impassive. When the bell rings, Tara catches Donna's arm and they exit the classroom together.

"I would like to have a sleepover tonight, I just…" She hesitates and Donna shakes her head.

"So we should." She says simply and Tara just bites her lip. "I'll drop my stuff off before I go to the diner and Opie can leave me at your house." She squeezes Tara's arm then disappears with a smile and wave. Tara walks to her next class with a nagging feeling something is going to go wrong.

Jax walks down the same hallway, the crowd parting like the Red Sea in front of him. He is apparently unaware of the phenomenon, as it's been happening since 5-year-old Jackson Teller walked into kindergarten with a man who smelled like smoke and had the outline of a gun on his back. Those critical of the club call him a 'prince', a title he doesn't admit to but doesn't discourage.

"Hey Jax." A voice says loudly and he looks up, seeing a girl with a sly smile and a low cut tank top falling into step with him.

"Hey darlin'." He says with a smile, easily masking the fact that he doesn't know her name with the convenient term of endearment.

"So it's your birthday tomorrow." She says slowly and he nods, not bothering to hide his smirk. "Was kind of wondering what you want." She says suggestively, biting her lip.

"Well, you don't have to get me anything." He says sweetly and she leans against the doorway to her classroom, jutting one hip out to accentuate her curves. Jax eyes her up and down.

"Maybe I wanna." She says with a wink, disappearing into the classroom. Jax watches admiringly, jumping when a hand catches his collar and yanks him back into the hallway.

"No." Opie says gruffly and stares him down until Jax suppresses the desire to protest. "This is why Tara thinks you're asshole."

"I've made a decision regarding Tara." Jax announces and Opie raises an eyebrow as the bell rings for class and students scurry to get into their classroom. The two continue their leisurely stroll down the hall, unperturbed by the ticking clocks and scowling teachers.

"And that is?" He asks.

"If she's not interested in me, why would I be interested in her?" Jax says as though it should be obvious and Opie rolls his eyes. "I mean, there's a hundred other girls in this school that are interested. I would be doing them a disservice if I didn't pay attention to them."

"I'm sure the female population would suffer greatly if Jackson Teller got into a relationship." Opie says, not amused and Jax just grins.

"You can't be mad at me, in less than 24 hours I'll be 16." He says happily.

"Thank god." Opie grumbles, pushing the doors open and pulling sunglasses out of his pockets and sliding them on. "If I have to haul your ass around anymore, I'd rather be six feet under."

"Crabby cause you're nervous for your date or what?" Jax asks and Opie looks at him sternly.

"It's just a ride and dinner and a walk Jax. I'm not nervous." He says evenly.

"It sounds like a boring ass evening." Jax observes and Opie gives him a look so annoyed Jax actually wonders if he's made his best friend mad.

"Not every date has to end in sex." He says and when Jax raises an eyebrow, he stops dead in his tracks, stopping Jax too. "No seriously, it doesn't. Sex isn't meant to be that thing you do whenever you feel like it and there's some girl nearby. I want to love a girl first. I want it to mean something. I want to get comfortable enough with her that sex is more than getting off. And it's a damn shame that you don't see it like that." He goes off and Jax looks at him with a stunned expression.

"Opie Winston, a romantic." He says slowly.

"Or it's called being a decent guy." Opie says, throwing his hands up and continuing for his truck. "My mom left my dad because he's an ass, I'm not about to do the same thing." Jax opens his mouth and Opie shakes his head. "Don't talk anymore. I think I might punch you in the face." Jax wisely shuts his mouth.

* * *

When Donna arrives at Tara's house, the younger girl is sitting at the kitchen table, buried in homework. Donna smiles, waiting in the doorway, wondering when Tara is going to notice her. When she doesn't, Donna drops her bag with a loud thud and Tara looks up, startled.

"You cannot tell me that Mr. Cleary's science test involves that much thought. Everyone knows he uses the same test year after year. I have a copy in my backpack." She says and Tara shakes her head.

"I like science. It's fun. I actually want to learn it." She reveals and Donna shakes her head in amusement.

"You're a weird one, Knowles." She says teasingly then proceeds to Tara's room to put on makeup. Carrying her homework, Tara follows, settling on her bed to continuing studying.

"You look pretty." Tara says, smiling as she watches Donna apply eyeliner painstakingly.

"Pretty or hot?" Donna mutters and Tara shrugs.

"Why can't they be the same?" She asks and Donna just rolls her eyes before giving Tara a smile.

"Thanks for covering for me tonight. It means a lot." She admits and Tara gives a half shrug, uncomfortable in the face of gratitude.

"Are you sure you wanna go on a date with notorious Opie Winston?" She teases, turning the mood back to joking and Donna laughs.

"I figure he's safer than the even more notorious Jax Teller." She says and Tara makes a face. "Besides, I've known the two of them since middle school, they're not terrible, they can just be bull-headed." She says and Tara fiddles with her homework before blurting out,

"What do you see in Opie?" She clamps her mouth shut as Donna's brown eyes widen in surprise. "I just, mean, why, because he's, the, um, you know," She stammers.

"Tara, he's hot." Donna says, clearly amused at Tara's worry that she's offended her. "I mean, he's really hot."

"He's a biker." Tara protests before she can help herself.

"And?" Donna asks, unperturbed. "Unlike you, I like to let my hair down every now and then."

"My hair is down." Tara grumbles and Donna smiles slightly, setting aside the curling iron and scooting over to Tara's bed.

"What's made you so against the club anyways?" She asks curiously.

"Nothing." Tara states flatly and Donna raises an eyebrow. "It's just… My dad. He acts a lot like them." She admits, not meeting Donna's eyes.

"But he's not one of them." Donna points up and Tara looks up, lips a thin line.

"You've seen one drunk, you've seen them all." She says sharply and Donna wisely drops the subject.

"Besides, I think there's a romantic side to Opie." She muses, resuming teasing and curling her hair.

"Well he's probably more romantic than Jax." Tara mutters, focusing on her homework once more. Donna makes a face.

"I don't know, you heard Jenna talk about him. He got her flowers. He seems romantic." She says thoughtfully.

"Then he got in her pants and all that ended." Tara comments and Donna sighs, giving up on discussing boys with Tara.

"Whatcha think?" Donna asks, doing a little twirl, checking her hair for the millionth time in the mirror. Tara gives a noncommittal shrug and Donna heaves a sigh, putting her hands on her hips.

"It's fine?" Tara guesses.

"You're so helpless it's almost cute." Donna muses and Tara looks at her, offended. "Well, I'm gonna start walking to the diner."

"I can walk with you." Tara offers and Donna waves her off.

"I can handle it." She promises. "Besides, stay here and do your homework. I know how important it is to you." She smiles and grabs her purse, careful not to let the door slam on the way out.

* * *

"You look good." Jax comments and Opie pauses in his walk to the kitchen to look at Jax, annoyed. He's wearing clean jeans and simple black t-shirt.

"Shut up." He orders brusquely and Jax grins, sliding down the back of the couch till he's reclined upside down, flipping through a motorcycle magazine.

"I can't wait to get my bike." He calls while Opie fiddles around in the kitchen. "I can't wait to get on it and just ride." He trails off, dreamily staring off into space. Opie chuckles from the doorway.

"Well, it's 4:50. I should get going." He announces, kicking the couch near Jax's head as he walks by.

"Do you have that condom I gave you?" Jax yells and Opie makes a point of slamming the door shut. He sits on his bike, taking a deep breath. Now that he is away from Jax's critical eyes, the nervous butterflies are starting up. He kicks the engine to life, hoping that the reassuring roar will stop the feelings.

Donna is waiting outside on a bench, trying not to pick at the faint pink polish on her nails, the only color she can wear without her father noticing. She keeps taking deep breaths, hoping that no one notices her sitting and decides to question why she's alone. The thunder of a motorcycle makes her look up.

Opie is on his bike, his hair looking windblown, sunglasses obscuring his eyes. He stops in front of Donna and she stands, wondering if it's physically possible to wipe her hands on her jeans without him noticing.

"Hey." He says loudly, shutting the bike off. She gives me a nervous smile. "Ready to go?"

"How do I…?" She gestures to the bike, suddenly unsure of how to do it. He chuckles, offering her a hand. She grasps it and slings her leg across it, hanging tightly onto his jacket. He smiles at the pressure of her small body against his.

"Ready?" He asks lowly and feels her nod against his back. His chest swells with happiness and he starts the bike once more, wondering if this is what true happiness feels like.

 **AN:** I didn't realize how much I loved Donna/Opie until I started writing this, but I promise the next chapter is way more Jax/Tara. Let me know what you think, your reviews have been amazing so far and I love them. Thank you!


	6. Tommy's Toast

Jax sits on Opie's couch, watching the clock and flipping through channels. He knows his mother will be at work and he could call her to get a ride, but he has no desire to go home to her watchful eye and pointed questions about girls and when he will don a kutte.

He gets up with a groan and paces about the house, opening the fridge and frowning at the absolute lack of food. With a deep sigh, he resigns himself to the fact that he can walk home to get food or he can walk to the nearest gas station. He sets off for the gas station, humming Metallica under his breath.

He meanders to a corner and is about to step onto the street when he stops, foot hovering over the curb. He looks to the left, frowning. This looks oddly familiar. He grins slightly as he realizes why. This is the route they took to Tara's house. He sticks his hands in his pockets, heading that way.

He retraces the route Opie drove, watching the houses before he arrives before the small tan one, with it's slightly overgrown grass and neglected flowerpots. He observes for a moment before noticing that the curtains are fluttering in the breeze of an open window. So someone must be home. He strides up to the front door and knocks loudly.

Tara jumps at the banging on the door. She carefully slips a piece of paper into her book to serve as a marker then gets up to inspect the noise. She is mentally debating what would be worse, if her father was already home or if Donna was already back from a terrible date. She isn't expecting to open her door to Jackson Teller, smirking at her.

"Hey darlin'." He drawls and she frowns, folding her arms and blocking him from entering.

"Jax, what are you doing?" She demands and he easily sidesteps her, walking in and heading straight for the couch as he had last time.

"Bored." He says, by way of explanation. "Opie doesn't have food. Mom nags. You're fun though."

"Leave." She says flatly, folding her arms. He stays where he is, producing the remote with a smile. "Go!" She orders and his response is to turn on the TV, turning the volume up slightly. "Shoo!" She says, waving her hands. He flicks through the channels, undisturbed.

"Are you making supper or should I order something?" He asks, without looking at her and she throws her hands up in defeat, going to the kitchen table where she left her homework.

"When are you going to leave?" She questions, finishing her English homework and putting it back in her backpack.

"You shouldn't be rude to me. It's my birthday tomorrow." He informs and she raises an eyebrow.

"Should I care?" She asks pointedly and he frowns.

"You have to be nice to people when it's their birthday." He insists and she doesn't even bat an eye.

"Tomorrow then." She deadpans.

"Ok." Jax says easily, turning back to the TV. "Tomorrow, when you come to my party, you better be nice."

"What?" Tara asks, startled. Jax doesn't appear to notice. "Jax!" She says loudly and he glances at her, frowning.

"What?"

"What do you mean, your party?" She asks warily.

"Op's dad is letting us use the cabin so I can have a party." He says casually. "You're coming and you're being nice to me."

"No I'm not." She says automatically. Jax doesn't respond; he's chuckling over some commercial. Tara gives up on it and continues her homework, frowning and chewing on the end of her pencil as she works on math.

"So, whatcha working on?" He asks, when his show flips to a commercial again. He gets up and inspects her homework curiously.

"Math." She mutters, carefully writing down the numbers and neatly circling her answers.

"I hate math." He says thoughtfully. "It's pointless in real life."

"Tell that to your mom." Tara says quietly and he bristles instantly.

"What about my mom?" He asks shortly and Tara looks up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"How else do you think she can calculate the bills at the shop? Someone has to charge for the cost of the part and labor, multiplied by however many hours they spent on it, then subtract and divide all that money up so that she can pay each employee every month." She points out and Jax shrugs.

"That's why I'll never work in the office." He says confidently.

"Let me guess, mechanic and a Son." Tara says, shutting her math book and looking up at him. He shrugs.

"Why do you say it like that?" He questions and she rolls her eyes.

"Because has it ever crossed your mind that you can do anything else?" She suggests. "It hasn't. I just think it's sad that your future was picked out for you by your mother and father and you're not even going to challenge it."

"Why should I?" He asks and she sighs deeply.

"Because just because you were born in Charming doesn't mean you have to stay here." She says and he sits across from her.

"Is Tara Knowles going to leave Charming?" He asks and she nods firmly.

"First chance I get. I want to go to medical school. I want to be a doctor." She informs him.

"Smart girl." He admires and her cheeks go slightly pink but she shrugs it off. "And you picked that profession all by yourself?"

"I mean…" She hesitates then glances at him quickly. "My dad always said when I was little that I should become a doctor, but my mom was more worried that I was happy." She reveals.

"And these days?" He asks, trying to avoid looking at the scattered beer bottles. Tara says nothing, so Jax decides it's best to go back to his couch.

"I'm not feeding you." She announces, some time later.

"That's fine." He says, well settled into the couch by now and flicking between channels with ease. "But since we're talking, how do you think the date is going?" He wonders aloud.

"Well, you're not there, so probably pretty well." She sasses back and he casts her a mock hurt look, watching as she moves around the kitchen.

"Whatcha doing?" He asks.

"Making mac and cheese for supper." She informs him.

"I thought you said you weren't feeding me." He points out, getting up and sitting on the counter.

"I'm not." She deadpans, moving his legs so she can reach into the drawer and pull out a spatula. "You can go home and have your mom make you food."

"Actually, she's gone tonight." He lies and she looks up, raising an eyebrow. Gemma Teller, missing her son's birthday? "She'll be back tomorrow, of course." He assures her.

"She wanna be there the first time you drive a bike? It's like taking your first steps all over again." Tara means for the comment to be an insult, but Jax just looks impressed.

"Yeah, just like that. But since she's not coming home, can I test your hospitality a little bit further and ask if I can stay for supper?" He asks, with big, pleading eyes. Tara's resolve wavers then gives in.

"Fine." She relents. "But you're helping me cook."

"Perfect. I can boil a mean pot of water and I like to make toast." He says instantly, getting up and heading for the pantry.

"We're not having toast for supper." She says warily and he shakes his head, holding up a bag of bread.

"Don't insult my toast until you've had it, Tara Knowles." He says grandly and she folds her arms to watch.

Jax blocks her view from the toaster while he works so eventually she rolls her eyes and stirs the mac and cheese periodically, studying chemistry and mouthing the things she needs to remember.

"Ok, it does not take that long to make toast." She complains, moving the pot of mac and cheese to a cool space on the stove and reaching for bowls.

"Plates." Jax orders and rolling her eyes, she hands him two paper plates. "Sit, I'm serving." She sits at the table. He passes her a bowl of mac and cheese and a spoon then sits across from her with his own bowl. In the center of the table he sets down a plate with several pieces of toast on it.

Tara leans in for closer inspection, curiously picking up a piece and examining it, trying to figure out the ingredients. Unable to do so, she takes a hesitant bite, aware that Jax is anxiously watching her.

"What's on this?" She asks in surprise and his grin widens.

"Butter, brown sugar, and thinly sliced apples." He tells her and she takes another bite, surprised at how well the pairing goes together.

"How did you come up with this?" She demands and he falters, taking a large spoonful so that an awkward silence settles between the two of them as he chews. Tara looks down, unsure of if she's pushed his boundaries.

"It… It was Tommy, my little brother… His favorite snack. He loved toast and he loved apples and brown sugar and one day we decided to put it all together and joked that we were gonna open a store that just sold toast." He says quietly and Tara looks at him, startled that he would admit that.

"I remember him. I remember you." She says suddenly and Jax looks up from his bowl to raise an eyebrow. "My mom's funeral, you guys were playing outside the church. You offered to play with me. It was… Nice, considering the day." She says slowly.

"I remember that too." Jax says carefully. "My mom said that we had to go to the funeral. I remember being really bored." His face goes pale in horror. "Oh, shit, Tara, I didn't mean… I'm sorry… Your mom… Fuck, I'm sorry, that was rude, that was really rude…"

"Don't worry about it." She says quickly, her turn to stare down at her bowl to avoid eye contact. "Honestly, I was really bored too. Everyone was so busy running around, no one spent any time talking to me or explaining to me what was going on, so I just remember that more than I remember being sad." She admits and he looks contemplative.

"I kinda wish my dad would've died when I was younger." He says, so quiet it's nearly inaudible. Tara raises an eyebrow. "Maybe I wouldn't miss him so much or maybe I wouldn't have so many questions. Maybe it wouldn't feel like it's eating me up inside, because when you're little, you just kinda accept that shit. You think it was just an accident and that's how the world works, you don't know enough to be angry or scared, you're just sad but it fades, you know?" He asks, finally raising his eyes to hers and she nods.

He's right; her mother's death had bothered her a lot less as a child. It was explained to her in as simple terms as she could handle- her mother was sick, she would not get better, and she loved her very much but she had to go to Heaven. That story had satisfied her as a child, but not as a teenager. Now she wanted more, she wanted answers and no one was around to give her any.

"It'll fade." She says quietly. "It does, over years. You don't forget it, but most days you can ball it up and stick it in your pockets to avoid it."

"Thanks for supper." He says abruptly, pushing away from the table and getting up. "See you at school."

"Jax, wait." She calls, as he heads for the door. He looks back, pausing with one hand on the doorknob. "Your party?" She asks hesitantly, not sure if that offer was a joke or not.

"Oh, yeah. Come with Donna." He says dismissively, shrugging and then slamming the door on his way out. The noise makes Tara jump. She cleans up their supper, unsure of what just happened.

A couple hours later, she's procrastinating homework by delicately painting tiny flowers and suns on her toenails when the door bursts open. Cursing the fact that what was meant to be a dot is now a streaky mess, she looks up to see who disrupted her.

Donna is standing in the doorway, positively glowing. She's beaming from ear to ear and dreamily wanders over to the couch, slumping down and covering her face with her arms. After a couple seconds she squeals, kicking her legs.

"That good, huh?" Tara asks dryly, twisting the nail polish shut and leaning against the couch.

"Tara, it was amazing." Donna says slowly, as though she's too happy to speak at a regular pace. "We walked the river, we ate ice cream, we talked, we laughed, we told each other so much about our lives… It was perfect." She trails off, still staring at the ceiling.

"Did you kiss him?" Tara asks and Donna squeals again, covering her face with her hands. Through her fingers, Tara can see a deep blush. "That's a yes." She says, satisfied.

"And it was so romantic!" Donna gushes. "We were holding hands and talking about how we both think that sunsets are better than sunrises and then he was talking about how he likes to end his days on good things rather than bad and then he reached down and kissed me and it was perfect Tara, absolutely perfect." She recalls.

"It sounds like it." She says, amused, and Donna rolls onto her side so she can narrow her eyes at Tara.

"And what did you do while I was gone?" She demands and Tara opens her mouth, about to spill the details of Jax being over for supper then slowly closes it. Donna doesn't need anything to ruin her big night. Shrugging, she uncorks the nail polish and resumes work on her toenails.

"Studied and made supper, watched some TV and studied more, you know, the normal stuff." She says dismissively.

"I'm sorry I keep bragging about my night." Donna apologizes and Tara thinks back to the expression on Jax's face when she tried his toast, the grin when she liked it, how perfect that smile was.

"It's fine, I don't mind that tonight was a completely normal night." She lies and Donna grins, offering Tara her toes.

"Can you do mine like that? They're so cute."

Later that night, as Donna crawls into bed and Tara makes sure that her father has passed out in the recliner, she turns over Jax's words in her head before deciding what she's gonna do.

"Hey, Donna." She whispers, lying on her back.

"Huh." Donna grunts in response.

"Are you going to Jax's party at the cabin tomorrow?" She asks.

"Yuh." Donna mumbles, shifting slightly.

"Can we go together?" Tara questions, tentative.

"Sure, Tar. Night." Donna manages and Tara can't help her little smile at the idea of going to a party that the infamous Jax Teller is hosting.

"Night." She says, closing her eyes.

* * *

"Hey, how'd you get here?" Gemma calls as Jax walks in.

"Walked." He says shortly and she emerges from the kitchen with her eyebrows arched high.

"Attitude." She warns him.

"Got a problem with it?" He sasses back and she looks at him, stunned, then folds her arms and straightens up.

"Actually yes." She says haughtily. "My own son better not be treating me like garbage, I won't have it."

"Call Clay then." He snaps and she gapes at him.

"Jackson, what has gotten into you? Don't forget that I'm still the one buying you that bike. You're not 16 yet." She threatens and he deflates.

"Sorry." He mutters, slumping against the wall. "I just… I talked about dad tonight." He admits.

"Oh, Jax…" She says softly, placing a hand on his arm. "To who?"

"Doesn't matter." He says, brushing her off and proceeding to his room. Except he can't shake the idea that it does matter. He doesn't ever talk about his dad, not even to Opie, not since that day in the kitchen when he broke down. Tara was there too, now that he remembers.

She told him that she had been there. She had. She is just like him, except she still has a father and he has his mother. So of course he would want to open up to her, it was a natural reaction. There is a sort of bond between kids that have lost parents. Or at least, that's what he is telling himself as he crawls into bed and tries not to think about it.

 **AN:** And there's a little different side of Jax... I'm glad that you guys like that I'm not throwing them together right away- I think two personalities like Jax and Tara would butt heads for a little bit first. Let me know what you think of this chapter, thanks for reading!


	7. Happy Birthday Jax Teller

"Happy Birthday, fuck head." A loud voice says and Jax doesn't even have time to open his eyes before a large amount of cold water is dumped on him. He sits up, gasping. Opie grinning at him, holding a bucket.

"The FUCK." He says loudly and Opie shrugs.

"Your mom said I could. It's funny." He says dismissively.

"I hate you." Jax snarls, already up and yanking the blankets off his soaking bed with disgust.

"Sure you do." Opie says, unconcerned. "Hurry up and get showered, your mom says we can get your bike finally." Jax grins and scrambles for the shower, his mood improved tenfold. When he gets out and dressed, he's recovered from his wake-up and happily chats with Opie about their plans for the day before entering the kitchen.

"Happy birthday baby." Gemma says warmly, kissing his cheek. "Did you throw your sheets in the laundry room?" She asks with a wicked smile.

"Yeah." He grumbles.

"Lose the attitude and get in the car. Let's get your bike." She orders and Jax grins, wolfing down the breakfast laid out on the counter.

"Ok, let's go." He says, racing out the door. Gemma rolls her eyes and she and Opie follow, her starting her car and Opie starting his bike. He follows the car to the Harley-Davidson garage. Jax has to stop himself from sprinting to the door. Gemma follows at a slower pace, nodding at the second bike that has pulled up at the same time.

"Hey Clay." Opie says, nodding to the older man who nods and drops his head to kiss Gemma.

"He got one picked out?" He asks and Gemma snorts, nodding.

"It took him the better part of six months, but yes, finally, one has been decided on." She says thankfully and her and Clay intertwine hands, following the two teens boys inside.

"This one?" Clay asks, joining Jax as he looks lovingly down at the bike.

"Yeah…" Jax says proudly and Clay claps his shoulder.

"Well, she's a beaut." He agrees.

"You love it Jackson?" Gemma asks pointedly and Opie holds his breath, hoping there isn't a last second change.

"I love it." Jax confirms and they all let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Then it's yours." Gemma agrees, nodding to Ronny and following him with her hand on her checkbook.

"Your dad would've been proud." Clay says quietly and Jax takes a deep breath, nodding.

"I hope." He mutters and Opie stands behind him in a silent show of support. Gemma returns a few minutes later, smiling.

"She's all yours baby." She confirms and Jax grins, running his hands over the handlebars. "There's one other thing I want to give you." She tells him and he pauses, looking at her. She's got one hand outstretched, fist clenched tightly closed. Frowning, Jax slowly offers her his own hands. "This was your father's. And we always said that when you turned sixteen and got your first bike, this is what we would give you. So happy birthday, my sweet Jackson. I love you." She opens her hand and drops the object into Jax's.

He picks it up to inspect it. It's a thick, heavy gold ring, stamped with the word 'SON'. He stares at it in wonder for a long moment. He remembers it, how it sat on the pinky finger of his father's hand, along with many other rings. He feels another unexpected wave of emotion, as he's reminded for the countless time of his father's death and permanent absence from the rest of his life.

"Thanks." He croaks, trying to hold back tears. "Ma, thanks, I…"

"The club is your birthright." She whispers, holding him close. "This is just the first step." He nods, leaning back. She nods in support and kisses both his cheeks. He slides the ring onto his own pinky finger. "Alright, get out of here. I know you'd rather ride." She says, stepping aside and Jax hops on the bike. Clay wraps his arm around Gemma's shoulders and they watch in approval as he exits.

"Make sure he doesn't do something stupid and wreck it on the first day." Clay orders Opie, who chuckles and nods.

"Bring him and Piney around for supper!" Gemma calls as Opie heads out and he raises a hand in acknowledgement.

"Well, there's a happy mama if I ever saw one." Clay comments to Gemma, who rolls her eyes, smiling.

Jax wants to war whoop or scream or just bellow at the top of his lungs as he guns it for the highway. Opie is behind him, giving him space for his ride out. Jax is beaming, ear to ear, as he feels the purr of the bike beneath him, how steady the handlebars are, how the bike responds the lightest touch. This is where he belongs. He will never be as happy as this moment.

He doesn't have a set destination in mind. He just wants to roam. He wants to find places he didn't even know exist. They ride for nearly an hour before Opie passes him and leads him towards Oakland.

"What's up?" Jax asks, as they park in front of a diner.

"I'm starving." Opie says matter-of-factly.

"I wanna keep riding." Jax protests, but he follows Opie in and manages to eat a whole burger in record time.

"Do you have a route in mind?" Opie questions and Jax shrugs, finishing off his fries and stealing some of Opie's.

"Do I have to?" He responds and Opie rolls his eyes.

"I would just rather not get lost because you're aimlessly wandering around California." He comments sarcastically.

"Opie." Jax says seriously. "We finally have freedom! We can do anything. We can go anywhere. Who's going to stop us?"

"Your mother." Opie deadpans and Jax makes a face, waving his hand.

"For the first time in our lives, we can finally go. Go anywhere. We can just roam! Don't you just want to, I don't know…" He struggles for the right words. "Ride until your chest doesn't feel like it's going to burst?"

"We could go see my mom." Opie suggests monotonously and Jax frowns, punching him.

"Don't follow me then. But today, I'm gonna ride." He declares and Opie rolls his eyes, leaving cash on the table and joining Jax at the bikes. Jax raises an eyebrow and Opie gestures towards the road.

"Let's ride." He says and Jax grins, revving his bike.

* * *

"Happy birthday Jackson." Piney says, when Jax and Opie walk in.

"Thanks Piney." Jax says, embracing the older man. Piney holds his shoulder, eyeing him, then lifts Jax's hand and inspects the ring.

"That was your father's." He informs him and Jax nods.

"My mom told me." He says softly and Piney looks up and away for a long moment before returning his gaze to Jax's face, dry eyed.

"He'd be damn proud of the man you've become." He says and Jax hangs his head at the weight of those words.

"Thanks Piney." He says softly and Piney claps his shoulders once.

"Gemma invited you to supper." Opie informs him, grabbing the keys to the cabin off the hook next to the door.

"I can eat here." Piney grumbles.

"Yeah, but her food doesn't come out of a microwave. Whole club is coming." Jax tells him and he sighs deeply.

"Fine. More time for me to remind you that if you fuck that cabin up, both of your asses are going to the strung up the line." He threatens.

"Lovely visual dad." Opie says, rolling his eyes.

"And don't drink all my beer!" He calls as they head back outside.

"He gets crankier with age." Opie complains and Jax chuckles. They pull up to Jax's house, carefully parking their bikes so that others will fit in the driveway and along the street.

"Good, you're finally here." Gemma says the instant they walk in. "I need help. Jackson, go help Clay set up tables in the backyard. Opie, can you reach that pan on the high shelf?"

"Ma, it's my birthday." Jax complains and she fixes him with a steely glare. He disappears a second later.

"Happy birthday Jax!" A loud voice booms.

"Thanks, big Otto." Jax says, smiling and accepting the larger man's hug. More men file in, shaking his hand. Women too offer their congratulations and smiles. They take plates and dig into the food, discussing club business in the open. Jax grins, sitting next to Opie and eating three separate plates.

"I can't wait to watch you throw all that up tonight." Opie observes and Jax glares at him.

"You act like I can't hold my liquor." He says defensively and Opie shrugs.

"I'm just predicting a lack of control in your future." He says nonchalantly and Jax rolls his eyes.

"You're just saying that cause you're gonna mister 'in-control' cause your girlfriend is coming." He grumbles, scowling.

"She's not my girlfriend." Opie says easily and Jax mimics his face then tosses his plate away.

"Whatever, let's go. I wanna show everyone my bike." He says and Opie rolls his eyes.

"Be safe." Gemma says loudly as Jax grabs his bag off the couch and slings it on his back.

"It's just a little birthday party at the cabin, what could happen?" He says wickedly and she arches her eyebrow but holds her tongue as he leaves. When he arrives at the cabin, Opie is already gathering kindling for a fire.

"You could help." He calls, as Jax gets off his bikes and goes to open the cabin door. Jax leans back.

"Gotta claim my bed." He says and Opie hurls a branch that goes wide, but makes Jax duck inside all the same. He sets his bag on the extra bed and takes a deep breath, trying to process his emotions from the day. Intense happiness and intense sadness all rolled into one. He cradles his head for a moment. It's an all too familiar trend in his life.

He wants his father to be here. He's glad he's not. He wishes more than anything that Tommy would be here. Jax can imagine him yelling for him to go for a ride, his skinny arms wrapped around Jax's waist, his infectious smile lighting up the whole world. He shakes his head. He's plagued by the memories of those he's lost and he's still so young.

* * *

"Happy birthday Jax." One girl whispers in his ear, biting his earlobe. He raises his beer in a salute, twisting to see who it is. Even with his blurring focus, he can make out the blonde hair.

"No, happy birthday Jax." Another voice purrs, gripping his shoulder and he turns to see another blonde.

"Darlin'." He drawls, resting a hand on both of their shoulders. "Thank you both very much." He goes to stand and receives a strong blow to the back of his head. Flinching, he turns around to see Opie gazing balefully at him. "Fuck off, it's my birthday." Jax says hotly and Opie rolls his eyes.

"What's his problem?" One of the girls demands, glaring.

"Needs to get laid." Jax mutters, rubbing his head before slinging an arm around each girl. "C'mon, I have a very special place I wanna show you ladies."

* * *

"You look hot, so quit fidgeting." Donna says pointedly, checking her lipstick in the mirror and adding another layer. Tara stops trying to pull down the shirt that reveals her stomach and raises an eyebrow.

"Should I ask where you hide this stuff so your dad doesn't find it?" She asks and Donna laughs, smoothing down her own cropped top.

"My mom has a friend who treats me like another daughter. They grew up together and she thinks my dad is a complete ass. So she gets me this stuff and let's me keep it there. So dad doesn't find it. She's giving us a ride." She explains.

"And she's just ok with dropping off two teenagers at a party?" Tara points out and Donna makes a face.

"She, uh, might… Might know some of the guys from the club." She says dismissively. Tara folds her arms.

"Uh huh." She says, unconvinced and Donna sighs, grabbing her purse.

"You can come with or not, but I'm going to see Opie." She says flatly and Tara casts one lingering look at where her father will likely pass out tonight then nods. Donna beams and takes her hand.

"This looks like a fantastic idea." Tara hisses as Donna leads her up the driveway. A bonfire is raging off to one side, complete with a drunken crowd gathered around it. More people are yelling from the roof and people spill out of the doors, laughing and clutching cups.

"You agreed." Donna reminds her. "Besides, Jax invited you. Go have a couple drinks, find him, wish him a happy birthday… See what happens." She suggests with a wink and Tara narrows her eyes but Donna has darted off.

"I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here." She mutters to herself, taking a deep breath and instantly feeling ridiculous for wearing this top. She covers her stomach, trying not to turn and walk down the driveway. She should stay, if only for Donna.

"Tara… Knowles?" A loud voice says and she turns. David Hale is staring at her in shock.

"Oh, hey, David… Didn't think I'd see you here." She says, equally surprised.

"Yeah, same." He says, walking up to her and smiling. "I came with a couple friends, they wanted to get drunk and well, what else is there to do in Charming?" He asks, shrugging. She falls in step with him as they wander towards the bonfire. "So why are you here?"

"Uh," She hesitates, not sure how to explain about her discussion in the kitchen with Jax and subsequent invitation. "Came with Donna." She says, waving a hand. "Her and Opie are hanging out, so I decided to third wheel."

"Looks like you lost her." He comments and she shrugs. "Want a beer?" He offers her a cup and she stares at it for a moment, thinking of her father.

"No, I'm fine, thanks." She says and he raises an eyebrow but sets it back down and turns to stand shoulder to shoulder with her. They stand in mostly silence, sometimes pointing out a particularly idiotic thing.

"Tara!" Donna calls and with Tara and Hale turn. Donna's standing on the steps, leaning over the railing, eyebrows raised. "C'mere!"

"Uh, I'm gonna…" Tara says awkwardly, taking a couple steps away.

"Good luck." He says, smiling, but once her back turns and she hurries over to the cabin, his face falls.

"What's up?" She asks Donna with concern.

"Opie wants to say hi." Donna says, still watching Hale. "What were you doing with him?" She asks.

"He's a friend, I guess." Tara says, shrugging. "I don't know, I've just always known him."

"I don't like him. He's one of those football assholes." Donna mutters.

"As opposed to the goodie good biker?" Tara points out, then smiles up at Opie. "Hey Op."

"Tara, I'm glad you came." He says and she smiles brightly at him then looks around with a frown.

"Hey, where's Jax? I feel bad, I've been here awhile and I still haven't said happy birthday." She says.

"In there." A guy says as he passes by, pointing towards a closed door.

"Oh, ok." Tara says, walking towards it.

"Tara, wait!" Opie says, trying to catch her, but she's out of reach, already reaching for the doorknob. Donna looks up at him in alarm, but he's watching Tara apprehensively. She pushes the door open, ready to wish him happy birthday. She stops dead in her tracks at the sight of three naked bodies.

"Uh…" She says, too stunned to do anything but blink.

"Oh my god!" One girl says shrilly, yanking a ragged blanket around her upper body. "Shut the door!"

"Sorry." Tara says hastily, dazed. As she slams the door, she hears Jax yell,

"Tara!"

"Oh my god." Donna says, stifling giggles. "Was Jax-?"

"Yeah." Opie says heavily, catching Tara's arm and leading her out through a back door. "Breathe." He orders, once he's gotten her to peace and quiet. She stares up at him, wide eyed in shock.

"Oh my god, he was… There was… They were… Three… He…" She stammers, waving her hands. Opie nods, waiting. "What?" She asks weakly and he pats her shoulder sympathetically.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He says and she frowns.

"Why?"

"Cause Jax, he… He gives off the wrong impression." He says, rubbing his face tiredly and Tara looks at him, bewildered.

"What, that he's not the kind of guy who would take two girls to a bedroom on his birthday?" She asks, a hint of sass creeping back into her voice.

"I mean, yeah, but Jax, he's a good guy." Opie protests and Tara folds her arms, narrowing her eyes.

"Yeah, he's great." She says, voice brimming with sarcasm.

"It's just, his dad." He protests and Tara sighs heavily, pushing him aside.

"I appreciate it Op, I really do. But one day you're gonna have to stop making excuses for his behavior. Tell Donna I'll just get a ride home." She says, disappearing around the side of the house. Opie throws his hands up.

"Hey, did you find Jax?" Hale asks, once Tara rejoins him at the fire.

"Uh, yeah." She says shortly. "Hey, are you going back into town soon? Could I hitch a ride? Kinda over this place." She says and he looks back at another guy then nods quickly.

"Sure, of course you can get a ride." He says eagerly and she grins at him, letting it slide off her face when he's not looking.

"Hey, where'd Tara go?" Jax questions, sitting down next to Opie and Donna on the couch.

"Take a guess." Donna says, leaning away from him with a disgusted face.

"What?" Jax asks, affronted.

"Dude, everyone just saw you with those two girls. And Tara got the most of it. Do you really think she stayed around after that?" Opie explains and Jax looks lost for a moment.

"Is she like mad?" He guesses and Donna looks at Opie in amazement.

"Yeah, probably enough that messed up any chance of that ever happening." Opie says bluntly and Jax shrugs it off.

"Fine by me." He says, getting up to get another beer. Donna looks at Opie, pursing her lips.

"He'll see." Opie mutters and Donna leans her head against his chest.

 **AN:** I really am trying to imagine teenage Jax, pre-Tara... This is what I guessed him to be like! Let me know what you think, the majority of you awesome people agree that they shouldn't get together too quickly, but how much longer should I drag it out? Let me know in a review!


	8. Cleaning Up

Tara wakes up the next morning, unsure of why she already feels so crabby. The events of the night rush back to her and she frowns, burying her face back into the pillows. Eventually, the lead feeling in her gut gives way and she gets up, starting her day.

Jax wakes up with a jolt, acutely aware that there's a throbbing pain in his left foot. He lifts his head up, wincing at the pain this motion has caused and sees that his foot is dangling off the couch, falling asleep. Grunting, he rolls over and shakes it, trying to get it to wake up.

Opie opens his eyes slowly, not sure why there's an object pushing into his side. He looks downwards and smiles. Donna is curled up next to him, her brown hair fanning around her head as she gently snoozes. He moves some hair off her face then leans back, wondering what this means now.

He gets up, careful to disentangle himself without waking her up. He opens and closes the door gently, watching through the crack to make sure she's still sleeping then turns around and rolls his eyes. Jax is passed out on the couch, snoring gently. He sweeps his eyes around the cabin, cataloguing the damage. Overall, it's not as bad as he had predicted.

Beer bottles and plastic cups are strewn everywhere, along with garbage. Nothing appears to be broken, which is an improvement over last time. He gingerly steps over a couple sleeping figures on the floor, making his way to the kitchen to grab garbage bags, sweeping things off the table and counters into it.

The loud clanging startles everyone awake. They sit up, groaning and grumbling, rubbing their faces and eyes. Opie smiles, sweeping more bottles into the bag, moving into the living room. He yanks Jax's pillow out from under his head. Jax jolts awake, swearing.

"Jesus Christ Op." He says heatedly.

"Leave or start helping clean up." Opie announces. "You have ten minute to disappear." They get up, muttering lowly and grabbing their things, stumbling out the door. Opie rounds on Jax.

"I'm not helping." He protests, pulling the blanket over his head.

"Fine, lay there and think about what you did last night." Opie says dismissively, throwing more things into the garbage, frowning at what looks like a pair of men's boxers. Jax is silent as Opie continues his cleaning.

"I don't remember." He admits finally and Opie chuckles, tying the bag off and setting it by the door.

"Of course you don't." He comments and Jax pulls the blanket back down, eyeing him warily.

"Why are you so smug?" He demands and Opie shrugs, getting another bag and finishing the living room.

"Cause you made a complete ass of yourself last night and I just want to hold it over your head a little longer." He says flatly and Jax throws a pillow at him.

"Out with it, asshole."

"You had a threesome." Opie says, disappearing into the bathroom. Jax sits up, flinching as the change of position worsens his pounding headache. He rubs it for a second.

"And why is that a bad thing?" He calls, feeling like if anything, Opie should be proud of him.

"Cause Tara walked in on it." Donna says, leaning in the doorway of the other bedroom. Jax twists to stare at her in amazement, his wild night complete forgotten in his surprise.

"She slept over? With you?" He demands when Opie walks out of the bathroom, the garbage bag tied tightly shut.

"Yeah?" He says nonchalantly, setting the bag by the door and kissing Donna's head as he walks by.

"Is there something I'm missing? Is Tara here too?" Jax asks, pulling the blanket up over his chest.

"No, she went home after she walked in on you with blonde one and blonde two." Donna says and he feels something heavy settle in his gut, though he's not quite sure why.

"But I mean, c'mon, I had a threesome. That's a damn good birthday." He says, leaning back and trying to brush it off like it's nothing. Donna gapes at him and Opie rests his hand on her shoulder, easily pushing her back into the bedroom and shutting the door with his foot.

"He is unbelievable." She says in amazement.

"He's Jax." Opie says, sighing heavily. "He's been through a lot. He's not gonna admit to anything anytime soon."

"I thought you said you were sure he felt differently about Tara." Donna protests and Ope shrugs.

"I thought he did, but I've been wrong about him before. I don't know Donna, his dad's death changed him. Don't push this whole Tara thing, it'll just make it worse. Trust me." He implores when she bites her lip and looks down.

"I do." She says grumpily and he smiles, pecking her lips. "Will you drop me off at her house? I wanna make sure she's ok." Donna requests and Opie raises an eyebrow.

"You just don't want a motorcycle pulling up to your house." He guesses and she smiles but doesn't deny it. Instead, she pulls on her sweatshirt and grabs her purse, slinging it over her shoulder.

"My head is killing me." Jax complains when they exit the bedroom.

"Drink water." Opie says flatly. "I'm taking Donna home. Get out of here before your mom and the crow eaters show up or they'll recruit you for the clean up effort." He warns and Jax flashes him the thumbs up, head in hands. Donna climbs on Opie's bike and hangs onto his waist.

Tara looks up at the sound of a bike pulling up. Part of her thinks it's Jax, though she dismisses that as ridiculous the second it crosses her mind. She's proven right when Donna bypasses knocking and storms in.

"Oh, thank goodness you're home safe." She says, sagging with relief. "I was worried David Hale had kidnapped you."

"He was perfectly nice, which is more than what I can say about your beloved bikers." Tara quips and Donna rolls her eyes, setting her purse on the couch and heading for the bathroom. "Tell me you didn't have sex with Opie." Tara pleads and Donna gives a yelp of surprise.

"NO!" She yells from the bathroom. "He hasn't even asked me out yet! What kind of girl do you think I am?"

"Well, I never would've thought the kind to date a biker, but look where we are." Tara says, a hint of sarcasm in her tone and when Donna exits the bathroom, she looks at Tara balefully. "What?" Tara asks innocently.

"Don't pull that shit on me. You were upset last night. Wanna talk about it?" She offers and Tara doesn't meet her eyes, just looks down at her textbook. Donna catches her hand.

"I'm fine." Tara protests and Donna rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, just like I'm always fine when my dad leaves my mom in tears. I thought we'd become close enough friends by now Tara." She appeals and Tara sighs, slumping in her chair.

"Yeah, it bothered me." She admits. "But why? I don't have a claim to Jax Teller any more than those girls. What did I expect, that just because he invited me to his party that he was going to spend the entire night at my side? It was a pity invite and I was stupid to see it any other way." She says dismissively and Donna frowns but keeps silent.

* * *

"Well, it wasn't that bad." Gemma says loudly, walking in. Neither Jax nor Opie nor Clay looks up from the TV. "I found a condom in one bedroom, so whoever that belongs to, good job on not giving us any grandchildren." She says, walking into the kitchen and Clay raises an eyebrow at the boys.

"His." Opie says, jerking his thumb at Jax.

"Yeah, cause you just cuddled a girl all night." Jax snorts then shuts up when Gemma walks back into the room, sitting next to Clay on the couch.

"Anything happen last night that I should know about?" She asks, arching her eyebrows and Jax and Opie exchange glances, communicating silently then simultaneously shake their heads.

"Smart." Clay says and Gemma smacks him. The boys snigger but sober up at the look Gemma throws their way, quietly watching TV.

* * *

"Did you hear that Jax Teller had a threesome?" A girl behind Tara whispers and it takes all her self-control not to jolt up straight.

"Yeah, with two complete sluts." Another girl whispers back. "God, I wish we knew the upperclassmen. I would've killed to get an invite." She says longingly and Tara tries to resist the urge to say something but fails. She turns in her seat, sizing up the two girls. They look at her with barely restrained disgust.

"Everyone was drunk, some people threw up, and yeah, Jax did have a threesome. Now can we please shut up and get back to focusing on our work?" She requests sharply and their jaws drop.

"She's lying." One says, the instant Tara turns back around. "There's no way Tara Knowles got invited to a party we didn't." Tara makes a noise of frustration and sets her head down on the desk.

After classes are done, she gathers up her stuff, shoving it into her backpack. She starts walking for the bus, flipping through her planner, carefully checking it over for upcoming tests. She's so engrossed in it; she doesn't notice that a large presence has fallen in step with her.

"Tara." A deep voice says and she jumps, looking up at David Hale.

"Oh, hi." She says, surprised.

"Everything good?" He asks and she shrugs, closing her planner and holding it to her chest.

"Um, yeah." She says, shrugging.

"Well, I just wanted to check in on you after this weekend." He says and she flushes red.

"I'm fine." She says quickly and he smiles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head, hesitating.

"Well, listen, this weekend, there's a-"

"Tara!" Donna's yell cuts him off and they both look up. Donna is waving her down from across the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go." Tara apologizes and dashes off. Hale exhales his breath, shaking his head.

"What were you doing talking to him?" Donna asks, the second Tara's within earshot.

"What? He's nice." Tara says, confused, looking over her shoulder at a seemingly dejected Hale.

"He's creepy." Donna says, eyeing him with distrust. "Something about the way he looks at you, I don't like it."

"Is that why you called me over here, cause you think David Hale is a rapist hell bent on kidnapping me?" Tara asks, raising an eyebrow and Donna rolls her eyes, looping her arm with Tara's and starting to walk.

"No, I thought we could get ice cream and talk about the last yearbook spreads. God, I'm ready for this to be done." She complains and Tara smiles.

"We only have less than two months left of school." She reminds Donna.

"Thank good." Donna says, grinning. "Then it's three months of warm sun, vacations to the beach, and sleeping in." She says dreamily.

"And lots of time spent on the back of Opie's bike?" Tara suggests candidly and Donna shrugs.

"If that be God's wish, so be it." She says solemnly then bursts into laughter. "I sound like my dad. But seriously, he hasn't even asked me out."

"Like he won't?" Tara demands incredulously. "It's been like a week. At this rate, he'll ask you out tomorrow, you'll be engaged by the fourth of July, married by the beginning of the school, and knocking out seven kids before you turn twenty!" She says and Donna looks at her thoughtfully.

"But I've always wanted a spring wedding." She says and Tara smacks her arm while Donna laughs.

"I'm just saying, you guys are moving fast." She says, shrugging. Donna ponders this for a moment.

"Yeah, probably." She admits slowly. "But when you know, you know, right? I've always had a little crush on him, so this is just me finally getting to act on it. Besides, he's a fantastic kisser."

"Stop right there." Tara says firmly. "I do not need to know anything else about Opie Winston."

"So when are you gonna ask her out?" Jax asks Opie over the top of a car. Opie ignores him, going back to tinkering with the engine. Jax grins, leaning back and watching.

"Wanna help?" Opie grunts.

"No, not till you tell me." Jax bargains and Opie sighs, straightening up and setting his wrench aside.

"She's special Jax." He repeats.

"So you've said." Jax says easily.

"So that means I can't just show up with grease on my jeans and ask 'Oh hey, wanna date me? Your parents will hate me, I'm not going to college, and I'm a biker with completely absent parents. Oh, and my best friend is an absolute asshole." He lists off.

"Last part, uncalled for. The rest, just means you're out of your league and you better step up." Jax advises.

"I'm trying!" Opie says, exasperated, throwing an oily rag at Jax. He bats it down easily.

"I could ask my mom to help you." Jax says wickedly and Opie glares at him.

"I'll do this my way, on my own time." He states.

"Good, cause I don't wanna see you fuck this up." Jax says confidently and Opie snorts, bending down again.

"Like what you fucked up with Tara?" He mutters and Jax turns a deaf ear on him, going to work on a bike.

"You and Jax talking about girls?" Gemma asks, when Opie sticks his head in the office.

"No." Opie says instantly. "Why would you think that?"

"Cause I know that condom wasn't yours." Gemma says, eyeing him. "Tell me, how did a bitch like Mary raise a sweet boy like you when I somehow produced little Mr. Can't Keep It In His Pants?" She asks and Opie struggles to hold back a snort of laughter.

"Yeah, it was Jax. He was just having fun. It wasn't anything serious." Opie confirms and Gemma rolls her eyes.

"Well, at least he was safe. Wouldn't want some little tart coming in here knocked up." Gemma mutters and Opie shifts uncomfortably. "Sorry." Gemma says, correctly interpreting his body language. "I just worry about him."

"He's doing ok." Opie says and she sighs heavily.

"Yeah, I know, but losing his father…" She trails off, lost in thought for a second then straightens up. "Whatcha need?"

"Keys to that old Ford we fixed." He says and she tosses them to him.

"Hey and Op." She calls. He leans back into the doorway. "That Donna thing, that going good?" She asks and he blushes.

"Yeah." He says quietly. "Really good."

"Alright." She says with a nod and he smiles, walking out.

"What'd Opie have to say?" Clay asks, kissing her cheek when he walks in.

"Nothing I did already know." Gemma mutters, flipping through bills. "Jax is sleeping around."

"The crow eaters will have a heyday when he starts prospecting." Clay observes and Gemma purses her lips.

"He's not marrying a damn crow eater." She says with conviction.

"You gonna control that too?" Clay asks with a raised eyebrow and she smacks his chest.

"Jax is 16, he can start making his own decisions now." She declares and when Clay looks surprised, amends herself. "As long as they're the right ones."

"And there's the woman I fell in love with." Clay says, chuckling and kissing her deeply.

"Can you cut that shit out when I'm here?" Jax demands, shielding his eyes and leaning against the office wall.

"What's up baby?" Gemma asks, looking past Clay at him.

"I'm heading home, I thought I'd just tell you all." He says, eyes still hidden. "I won't need supper tonight."

"Why?" Gemma asks suspiciously.

"I want a burger." Jax says nonchalantly.

"I can make burgers." Gemma states and Jax sighs.

"Then make them for Clay. Bye ma, Clay." He exits and Gemma frowns, watching him go.

"Jax doesn't need you. Come stay with me." Clay suggests and Gemma shakes her head, getting up so she can watch Jax ride out on his bike.

"So he can sneak some hussy in? No, we need to watch him like a hawk." She insists and Clay groans.

Jax rides through Charming, enjoying the warm breeze in his hair, slowing down when he spots Donna and Tara walking down main street, ice cream cones in hand. He does a little wave to the both of them. Guilt washes over him when he sees Tara looks down rather than at him. He speeds up, determined not to look like a fool in front of her.

"What was that?" Donna questions Tara, who licks her ice cream.

"What?" She asks breezily.

"Jax waves and you just ignore him?" Donna points out.

"Why does it matter? He's probably off to that blonde's house." Tara says indifferently and Donna groans with frustration.

"At this rate you'll never get together. You're both too damn stubborn." She vents and Tara rolls her eyes.

"I don't know where you got a ridiculous notion that we'd ever want to get together but you need to quit with it." Tara says. "There were girls in my third hour talking about the party and threesome. Jax can't even be bothered to come to school! Why would I ever wanna be with a guy like him?" She wonders aloud and Donna thinks it over.

"Cause he's cute. And we could double date." She proposes.

"I know!" Tara says brightly. "We could double date with David Hale!" Donna shoves her as Tara laughs.

"Alright fine. I'll drop the Jax thing. For now." She advises.

"Thank you." Tara says gratefully.

"But when he comes running into your arms, I'll be the first one to say I told you so." Donna says smugly and Tara groans.

"Let it go." Tara pleads.

"Fine." Donna relents. "But once summer comes around…" She says ominously and Tara licks her ice cream, unworried.

 **AN:** Well the majority votes are in, drag this baby out a little longer... Which I will gladly do of course. Love the ideas you all have for this story, please keep them coming and let me know what you think of this chapter! Thanks for reading, please leave a review!


	9. Summer Birthday

**Summer, 1994:**

"Happy birthday!" Donna cries, as Tara walks out of her bedroom.

"What the?" Tara asks blearily, registering the balloons and streamers. Donna beams, clapping her hands.

"It's your birthday?" Donna says, slipping slightly in her enthusiasm and cocking her head.

"I know, I know, but why all…" Tara flaps her hands. "This?"

"Oh!" Donna resumes, cheerful. "Cause I thought it'd be fun and nice and you can't use school as an excuse to get out of doing something fun with me and I haven't really talked to you since school ended so…" She trails off, gesturing to the decorations.

"Well, I mean, it's really sweet of you." Tara says, looking around skeptically and Donna catches her arm, steering her into the kitchen.

"Don't try and talk me out of this Tara Knowles, you're gonna have fun on your birthday or so help me god I'll murder you." Donna threatens pleasantly and Tara decides it's in her best interests to go with it.

Tara thoughtfully munches on her fries while Donna sips a milkshake, completely relaxed. Tara watches as people pass by, wondering about their stories. Donna finishes her milkshake with a loud slurping noise and Tara raises an eyebrow, smiling.

"Today's been really… Fun." She says and Donna leans back with a smirk.

"See, it pays to leave your house every now and then." She observes and Tara sticks her tongue out.

"Well thanks, I appreciate it." She says, pulling out her wallet. Donna waves it away, putting money on the table.

"What?" She asks innocently when Tara stares at her.

"Don't tell me Opie's been putting you on an allowance." She says, wide eyed and Donna snorts, shaking her head.

"My parents have been fighting a lot lately." She says breezily. "So they usually give me money and get me out of the house."

"What's been going on?" Tara asks, leaning forward with concern and Donna sighs heavily.

"It's nothing." She protests.

"It's not nothing, if it was nothing you wouldn't be tossing $20 around like it's nothing." Tara points out and Donna makes a face.

"They fight, my mom drinks, my dad goes off on some religious retreat for a month, he comes back even stricter about things, and then we repeat the cycle. It doesn't matter what I do." She says, her attempts at flippant falling short.

"And that's why you and Opie get along so well." Tara states, making Donna look at her in surprise.

"What?" She asks, startled.

"Neither of you have parents that care. His dad is gone all the time with the club, yours is gone all the time with church. You want someone just like your dad but also completely different. So you settle with Opie." Tara says wisely and Donna steals the last fry.

"And he's a good kisser." She says flatly, making Tara groan. "C'mon."

"Now where?" Tara asks skeptically.

"Jax is having a little bonfire." Donna announces and Tara skids to a stop. "Calm down, I'll drop you off." Donna doesn't even break stride. Tara jogs to catch up and falls in step.

"Well, I mean…" She says, biting her lip and Donna glances at her.

"Do you wanna come?" She asks pointedly and Tara exhales, shrugging. "Cause when I say its Jax's bonfire, I do mean it'll be at his house… With him there…" She says slowly.

"I'm not an idiot. I know what it means." Tara says sharply. "Sorry." She says instantly when Donna recoils. "It's just…"

"If you're not comfortable, don't come." Donna says easily. "Opie just asked me to go. Besides, it's gonna be small. I doubt that there'll be anyone there besides those two and a couple other people."

"I don't think I'll go." Tara says unsurely.

"That's a shame. You're more fun to talk to than those dumb blonde sluts but whatever." Donna says with a shrug.

"Fine, but it's my birthday so he better play nice." Tara hisses and Donna smiles smugly.

* * *

"Hey baby." Opie says, kissing Donna's head as she walks into his house. "And hi Tara?" He says, quizzically looking back to Donna, who's engrossed in rummaging through the fridge.

"It's her birthday." Donna responds and Opie sighs, rubbing his temples.

"Happy birthday Tara." He says and Tara smiles, sitting at the counter.

"Thanks Op. Your girlfriend is dead set on dragging me around today and that includes this bonfire." She explains.

"Who else is coming?" Donna asks, cutting Opie off before he can ask more questions.

"Uh, you two, me and Jax, probably Jason, Kenny, Donnie, and Marcus." He says, stilling looking in bewilderment between Donna and Tara.

"Any girls?" Donna asks casually and Opie narrows his eyes, looking at his girlfriend suspiciously.

"I'm guessing Jenny, Kim, Amy, and Nicole." He rattles off then catches Donna's arm and pulls her towards his bedroom.

"What?" She asks instantly.

"What are you doing?" Opie hisses, towering over her with his arms crossed and a disappearing look.

"Oh calm down." She says dismissively, rubbing his arm. "I know exactly what I'm doing."

"So do I, that's why we're having this conversation!" Opie protests and she throws her hands up, exasperated. "It's not gonna work!"

"They like each other." She insists. "They'd be good for each other!"

"And we'd have someone to double date with." Opie says flatly and she shrugs. He sighs, patting her head. "I'm not dealing with Jax when this goes to shit." He declares and she grins.

"Should I be concerned?" Tara asks, once they return to the kitchen.

"Nah, I just figured you wouldn't wanna see me kissing him." Donna says and Tara rolls her eyes.

"You're up to something." She states.

"So what'd you do for your birthday?" Opie asks quickly and Donna bursts into laughter.

* * *

"I don't wanna go anymore." Tara announces, walking up Jax's driveway with a feeling of intense dread.

"Stop it, we're already here." Donna says, strong-arming her into the door. Tara takes a deep breath.

"Hey, Opie." A warm voice says and Tara frowns. That voice is oddly familiar to her. Opie moves out of her way, revealing a woman sitting at the kitchen table, papers spread out in front of her.

"Hi Gemma." Opie responds and Gemma shifts her gaze off him to the girls and Tara remembers. This is Jax's mother, the one she saw at her own mother's funeral. Gemma Teller.

"Donna." Gemma says, smiling before focusing her attention on Tara. Her eyes, a dark hazel unlike her son's baby blues, are thickly lined in black and are intensely scrutinizing every inch of Tara.

"This is Tara Knowles." Opie says, somewhat unhelpfully.

"You've grown up since I last saw you." Gemma observes, setting her pen aside and resting her chin on her hands. "How's your father?"

"Good." Tara lies automatically, trying to block out her thoughts of the empty bottles and yelling. Gemma raises an eyebrow but is thankfully distracted by Jax storming into the kitchen.

"Hey." He says, raising his chin to Opie. Then his gaze falls on Tara and he freezes, staring at her blankly. Gemma sits back, watching in interest. He looks between her and Opie, bewildered.

"It's Tara's birthday, so I thought this would be fun." Donna says cheerfully and Jax swings his gaze to her.

"Happy birthday." Gemma comments, still observing.

"Yeah, happy birthday." Jax says, jolted out of his daze.

"Thanks." Tara says quietly. He ignores her, looking at Gemma.

"Are you going to Clay's tonight?" He asks and she nods, still watching Tara with a calculating look.

"Don't burn anything down." She orders, standing and kissing his head. "And no girls stay." Opie and Jax both snort while she gathers her purse.

"Bye Gemma." Opie calls.

"Bye Jackson, Opie. Behave!" She says loudly then slams the door shut and is gone. Tara looks at the closed door in amazement.

"She just leaves you home alone?" She demands, her anger with Jax forgotten. "You could do anything!"

"She trusts that I'm more scared of her than I am of not being cool and popular." Jax explains, not looking at Tara.

"She's right." Opie deadpans and Jax frowns, punching him.

"C'mon, help me get the wood set up." He grumbles and they disappear. Donna rounds on her with a grin.

"See, this is gonna be fun!" She insists.

"Yeah, it's been a blast." Tara says sarcastically. "What every girl dreams of on her birthday."

"If you really hate it, I'll take you home." Donna promises and Tara rests her chin on her hand, contemplating.

"No." She muses and Donna raises an eyebrow. "Because I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction that he wins."

"What did he win, exactly?" Donna questions, confused and Tara shakes her head, standing up straight.

"I don't know exactly, but I'm not letting him win any more." She says fiercely and Donna looks lost, but claps her hands all the same.

"Well good, cause I already told my family I'd be staying at your house." She says happily and how it's Tara's turn to look skeptical.

"And let me guess, we're staying here." She predicts and Donna nods, grinning and Tara narrows her eyes. "Didn't Gemma say no?"

"She didn't really mean no." Donna says dismissively. "I've slept over a couple times, as long as she doesn't walk into a orgy, she's completely fine with it." She explains and Tara holds up her hands.

"Please stop right there." She begs. "Please." Donna laughs and opens the pantry, pulling out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate.

"Let's go see what progress they're making." She says, leading Tara outside. Jax and Opie are crouching around a small fire pit, stacking wood and feeding newspaper into it.

"Hey, can you check and make sure the fence is unlocked?" Jax asks, jerking his head towards the door set in the tall, wooden fence. "I think everyone else is gonna be here soon."

"Sure." Donna says, setting the s'mores stuff in a chair and going over the lift the latch.

"Tara, there's chairs over there." Opie says, gesturing to the house wall and she drags them over, forming a rough semi-circle.

"Ha!" Jax says, quickly removing his hand as the flames catch on a piece of newspaper and quickly move to lick up the wood.

"Nice." Donna compliments, sitting in Opie's lap and leaning against his chest. He wraps his arms around her and rests his chin on her head, both of them watching the fire. Jax pulls out a cigarette and lights it, then after a second, offers it to Tara.

"Oh, no, I don't smoke." She says, startled and he chuckles, putting the pack in his back pocket.

"Suppose you don't drink either." He mutters and she flares up at once.

"What's that suppose to mean?" She asks coolly and he shrugs.

"You're a little princess. Too smart for all this." He states and she stretches her hand out.

"Fine then. Give me one." She challenges and Jax raises an eyebrow but obliges and hands her a cigarette and his lighter. She puts it in her mouth and lights it like Jax had. She inhales and promptly chokes, spluttering. Jax laughs but she's saved from any remarks when there's knocking on the fence, then people spill in. Hastily, while Jax isn't looking, she throws the cigarette into the fire.

"Hey Jax, Donna, Opie." One boys says, flopping down in a chair. Other boys and girls follow suit, laughing and joking among themselves. One girl, blonde with her hair teased high, sits next to Jax and sticks her long legs over his lap with a smug smile at the other girls.

For a while, Tara is completely ignored. Donna attempts futilely to include her in conversation, but they're talking about a recent party that had occurred and what antics had happened. Tara stares off into the fire, lost in her own thoughts, tuning out the chatter around her.

Why is she even here? She could be at home, reading. She wants to read at least two books a week. Maybe her dad had brought her a present. That was unlikely. The reality was he was likely passed out in his recliner, if he had made it home from the bar. She could be reading, not watching Jackson Teller flirt with four girls at once. This was stupid. Her pride makes her an idiot.

She doesn't have anything to prove to Jax. Not a single thing. Then why did she follow Donna here? There's a nagging part in the back of her mind that explains to her it's because she's curious. Curious of who that boy was in her kitchen, making toast and asking her questions. She wants to know if that's really who Jax is, not this smoking, drinking mask.

"So Tara, why are you here?" One girl asks bluntly. Tara is roused from her reflections, blinking. The girl, who she recognizes as Kim, is eyeing her with clear dislike.

"Uh, uh," She stutters.

"It's her birthday." Jax says smoothly. "Thought it'd be fun."

"Oh." Kim says, contempt still on her face. "Well, happy birthday, or whatever." Snickering, the girls turn back to gossiping.

"C'mon, I'll make you a birthday s'more." Donna says quietly, sitting up and grabbing the marshmallows.

"Maybe I should go." Tara mutters.

"Jax, where are the roasting sticks?" Donna asks loudly.

"Uh, they should be in the garage." He says offhandedly, more interested in seeing how far he can run his hands up the legs of the blonde before she giggles and protests.

"Ok." Donna says, standing and dragging Tara up with her.

"What are we doing?" Tara protests and Donna waits until they're in the garage, out of earshot of the fire before throwing her hands up in annoyance.

"How have you not noticed it by now?" She demands and Tara opens and closes her mouth, puzzled.

"What?" She asks carefully and Donna grunts in frustration, locating the sticks. Tara dodges the sharp ends as Donna gestures with her hands towards where the fire is located.

"Jax!" She hisses. "He can't take his eyes off you!"

"He seemed pretty occupied to me." Tara says dryly and Donna groans, smacking her forehead with her palm.

"Tara." She says, sounding like she's running out of patience. "For the love of Christ, watch him for five minutes. He can't go more than one without looking at you. It's clear that he likes you."

"Sure, but that doesn't mean I like him." Tara says stoutly and Donna snorts, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, that's why you agreed to come. Both of you need to get over it and kiss already." She advises, opening the door. "Because if you wait any longer, Opie wins the bet." Affronted but unable to say anything, Tara trails after her back to the fire and sticks her marshmallow on a stick.

As she roasts it carefully over the fire, she looks through her eyelashes at Jax. He's animatedly talking to another guy about something related to bikes, so she goes back to focusing on getting the perfect brown glow.

When she pulls the marshmallow back, satisfied with its color, she glances at Jax. He's watching her with an odd expression, something like… Tenderness? She catches his eye for only a second before a girl calls his name and he tears his gaze away. Unnerved, Tara puts the marshmallow on a graham cracker, adds chocolate, and takes a thoughtful bite.

 **AN:** So I love reading reviews and I promise you all, Jax will do something big to redeem himself in Tara's eyes... Let me know what you think pretty please and thanks for reading!


	10. The Other Side

"Sleepy?" Opie asks Donna as the fire dies down, amused. Donna cracks an eyelid open, sticks her tongue out at him then looks towards Tara.

"Do you wanna go home?" She asks her. "Cause if you do, I can make Opie drive you." She volunteers and Opie looks at her, affronted.

"I'm fine." Tara says, smiling slightly. She's curled into her chair like a cat, thin legs drawn in and arms wrapped around them. She watches the fire, it reflecting in her hazel eyes.

"Ok." Donna says happily and Opie looks down at her knowingly. Jax is silent, twisting a ring on his hand.

"So Jax, is your mom home?" One girl asks and Jax shakes his head, not looking at her.

"Well, I don't mean to kick you out, but I'm going to bed." He announces, standing and stretching. Slowly, the rest filter out, leaving Tara and an intertwined Opie and Donna.

"You're only slightly obvious." Opie comments. Jax shrugs.

"I don't give a damn, I'm actually going to bed." He says, dumping the rest of his beer on the fire and heading for the house. Opie follows, but Donna lags behind, waiting for Tara to get up.

"You're staying cause you noticed him looking at you too." She says instantly, once the boys have shut the door to the house.

"Noticed, not thinking anything of it." Tara says carefully, folding up her chair. Donna bounces around her excitedly, brown hair messy.

"But you're staying cause you want to see where this goes." She says, clapping her hands.

"And you're staying cause you want to see if you can force this to go somewhere." Tara says wryly and Donna shrugs, opening the door. She hands Tara a toothbrush and pajamas. They lock the bathroom door, brushing their teeth and giggling. When they emerge, Jax and Opie are sitting on the couch, talking.

"You guys can stay in the guest bedroom." Jax says to Donna and Opie, who are already disappearing down the hall.

"They seem to know what to do." Tara says jokingly and Jax sighs, rubbing his face tiredly.

"You let them do it one time…" He trails off, shaking his head. Then he reaches down and grabs a blanket from a large pile in the corner and tosses it to her. "You ok sleeping on the couch?"

"Sure, but I could use a pillow." She asks and he nods, disappearing down the hall as well. She curls up on the large couch, sinking in. Jax returns, a red pillow in hand. He sets it next to her.

"Anything else?" He asks and she shakes her head, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. "Alright, well, goodnight." He says, awkwardly hovering between the living room and the hallway.

"Goodnight Jax." She says, her smile evident in her voice. He grins and hesitates, shuffling his feet.

"Tara?" He asks and she twists to look at him over the armrest. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." She says, sitting up a little ways.

"Why… Why'd you wanna be here for your birthday and not home?" He asks quickly and she draws her knees to her chest, silent. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Jax says, backtracking instantly.

"It's ok." She says quietly, not looking at him. "I suppose it'd be like any other night, my father drunk and asleep in his armchair, me taking care of him. I guess I wanted my birthday to be different." She admits softly and he sits in the chair across from the couch, watching her.

"Is he really that bad?" He presses and she shrugs, pulling the blanket up to cover her thin arms.

"When I was little, he was different. My mom was the one who let me do whatever I wanted. She was always encouraging me to follow my dreams and my passions and whatever I loved. My dad was the one who pushed smarts over beauty." She says ruefully. "When my mom died, I think he stopped caring. He has no idea how to raise a daughter, that's why he had a wife."

"Do you miss her?" Jax questions and Tara looks at him sadly, remembering that it hasn't even been a year since his father's accident and death.

"Every day." She admits. "I miss how she use to do my hair, how she sang in the car, how even after a long day I could count on her to tuck me in. That doesn't go away, it just stops hurting so much every time you remember it."

"Well, there's a lot more bad than good for me to remember." Jax muses and Tara frowns.

"I always got the impression you were close with your father." She says carefully and Jax chuckles humorlessly.

"I've learned that being alike isn't the same as being close." He mutters and she nods at his point. "I just don't understand why he did what he did, towards the end. The man that died… He wasn't my father anymore. I didn't know him."

"He was your dad, of course you knew him." Tara insists and he looks at her, steadily.

"Are you saying you know your father right now?" He points out and she pauses for a moment.

"I'm saying I know who my father is without my mother and that it's not the same man." She explains and Jax concedes her point with a nod. "But I know somewhere deep down, he'll always love me. He just can't show it."

"Can't show it." Jax echoes thoughtfully. "That was my old man, he couldn't show anything."

"Well, isn't that typical of you bikers?" Tara asks and he rolls his eyes.

"Are you ever going to look past that?" He asks, hardness in his tone.

"I will, once you show me past that." Tara says stoutly and he stares at her, wordlessly. "I saw it once, in my kitchen, and then you returned to being Jax Teller, bimbo lover and biker."

"And those go hand in hand." He says sarcastically. She shrugs.

"I'm just saying, if you never disprove the stereotype, you'll always have the stereotype." She says pointedly and he exhales angrily.

"So you're saying I should just open up to people and show them my soft side, so they can pity me and my dead dad and little brother?" He demands and she blinks once.

"Yes." She says shortly and he's speechless. "It doesn't have to be everyone. You could start with me."

"What do I even start with?" He asks helplessly and Tara shrugs, settling into the couch and getting comfy.

"This is your first birthday without your dad." She says quietly and he sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair.

"No it's not." He mutters and Tara is quiet, listening. "He was in prison, when I was younger. He… He missed a lot." He admits.

"Like what?" Tara encourages and Jax muses on it for a moment.

"It wasn't a big deal that he missed my birthday. My mom made up for it anyways, with all the guys in the club. I hardly even missed him at first, cause it's not like he didn't leave for club shit all the time anyways. But he wasn't… He wasn't there when Tommy… Wasn't there for Tommy." Jax says, his lips trembling. He purposefully avoids Tara's eyes.

"Tommy died while your dad was in prison?" She asks, shocked and Jax bites his lip and looks away. "I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

"It's fine." He says roughly. "I had the club, we got through it."

"Is that when your mom started dating Clay?" She questions and he looks at her, startled.

"They didn't start dating till after my dad died." He says flatly and Tara is quiet, picking at the fuzz on the blanket.

"Do you miss Tommy?" She whispers, so quiet Jax nearly misses it. He doesn't move; gazing out the window, chin in hand.

"I miss what we might've had." He says evenly. "I miss what it would've been like to watch him grow up and figure out life. Watching his personality grow, seeing what he would've liked, what would've made him laugh, fighting with him… Brother stuff."

"I'm an only child, so I've never had that." She says, a faint hint of longing in her tone. Jax raises an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you didn't have siblings." He says, surprised, and she shrugs. "I always pictured you with an older sister or something."

"Nope." She says, shaking her head. "Couple cousins, but it's not like we're close. I've gotten use to being alone. I'm good at it now." She says, trying to sound a little more lighthearted.

"I'm not." Jax admits and Tara falls silent, aware that's he's about to admit something serious. "For the first months after we lost him, I was with Op nonstop. I probably drove him crazy, but I couldn't come home after school to an empty house, with mom at work and dad in jail… I just needed to run, all the time. I'd take my bike and I'd be gone, till the sun came down and I could eat and collapse in my bed. Tried to keep my mind off it."

"That's the worst part." Tara says, looking down at her hands. "When you go to sleep and you're not tired enough, so you stay up, thinking about it, for hours. It just goes in circles."

"I use to dream about him." Jax admits suddenly. "We'd be playing. Sometimes he'd be older, sometimes younger. But I had dreams about him and I use to hope, before I fell asleep, that this time, when I woke up, he'd be here."

"How did he die?" She asks softly, nearly certain Jax won't answer.

"Heart defect." He mutters, one hand covering his own heart. "From my mom. You've seen her scar?" He looks at her and when she nods, continues on. "She got heart surgery when she was a teenager… Her little brother died of it too. She always said she was on borrowed time. She just borrowed some to me. Tommy… Got less of it. His heart…" He breaks off, looking away. "Too much heart for too little of a kid, it couldn't keep up."

"I'm sorry Jax…" She says, scooting forward and reaching out to touch his hand. He watches their hands, flipping his over and intertwining their fingers.

"I remember you." He says and she watches him as he continues to inspect their hands. "We met when we were little. There are just these random memories I have of you."

"At the funeral." Tara fills in and he nods.

"After my dad died." He says and she looks at him, wide eyed.

"I saw you outside my house. I had no idea why you were so upset… But then you broke down…" She says slowly.

"I wondered why you were always there." He says and they look at each other, blue eyes to olive. "Why our paths crossed in those moments."

"Do you believe in destiny or fate?" She asks, her mouth quirking up slightly. He gazes at her for a long moment.

"Something like that." He says quietly and gets up. Tara lets their hands fall apart, looking up at him. "Thank you."

"For?" She asks.

"Letting me talk. Maybe I'll do it again sometime." He says and she leans her head to one side, inspecting him.

"I'll be here." She promises and he nods, heading for his own bedroom.

 **AN:** Vulnerable Jax... I always pictured Tara being the first person he'd open up to. But don't think that he's even come close to redeeming himself, he's got a long ways to go... Let me know what you think please!


	11. Ladies and Tigers

"You're adding too much butter!" Donna's protests wake Tara from her sleep and she groans, trying to block out the noise with her pillow.

"No, that's the key ingredient." Opie is responding.

"To what, obesity? You're not adding that much butter." Donna insists and there's the unmistakable noise of a scuffle and giggles.

"Let him add the butter if it shuts you two up." Tara calls and both of them laugh, quieting down.

"Go hide in Jax's room, he's not an early riser either." Opie suggests and Tara lifts her head above the back of the couch to glare at him. He smiles innocently while Donna is astonished, looking at him.

"Glad you see you roped your boyfriend into this." Tara grumbles, drawing her blanket around herself and walking into the kitchen to see what they're cooking for breakfast.

"I'm my own man, I don't do anything I don't want to do." Opie claims.

"Pass me the milk." Donna orders and he obliges, making Tara grin.

"I'm only up because I smell pancakes." Jax says loudly, entering the kitchen. Tara is startled to see that he's wearing nothing but boxers, shirtless with sleep tousled hair. Donna leans around Opie, grinning.

"They'll be ready in a little bit." Donna tells him.

"Alright, I'll make toast in the meantime." Jax decides, opening the pantry. "Anyone want some?"

"Your kind?" Tara asks and he looks over his shoulder. A smile quirks his mouth as he sees her small form shrouded with a thick blanket.

"If you'd like." He offers and she nods.

"What? What kind? Your kind, what kind?" Donna asks sharply, nearly dropping the milk and Tara suddenly remembers that she's never told Donna about that afternoon with Jax at her house. Jax keeps pulling ingredients out of the pantry, looking amused as Tara flounders.

"Oh, nothing, this one time, Jax, he, uh, gave me this recipe." Tara invents wildly. Donna narrows her eyes.

"When?" She questions.

"At school." Tara says, trying to sound dismissive and not at all like she's grasping at straws.

"Why?"

"I, uh, needed it for home ec."

"You don't have home ec."

"I dropped it."

"Because the recipe you came up with was toast?"

"In his defense, it really is good." Opie jumps in and halts the interrogation. Donna looks at him, openmouthed and he kisses her.

"Don't worry Donna, I'll give you the recipe too." Jax says, a wicked twinkle in his eye as he winks at Tara.

"I don't like being on the outside of things." Donna announces, folding her arms and pouting.

"You're not!" Opie says, open him arms in a gesture of harmlessness. Donna doesn't look like she believes him, but goes back to whisking pancakes with a suspicious expression.

"Ashamed of me?" Jax mutters in her ear, leaning around her to put her plate down. Tara is thankful that the blanket prevents her from feeling his muscles as he presses against her.

"Scared of the heart attack she'd have if I told her you'd been at my house." She says quietly, using Donna and Opie's fight over the best way to flip pancakes to mask her words.

"She does seem to want a double date pretty bad." Jax says thoughtfully, munching on his toast. Tara watches him, eating her own toast, mulling over the change in him this morning.

Physically, he is still the same Jax. Same messy blond hair, same bright blue eyes, same cocky little smirk, same flawless skin, and rock hard abs. Still the teenage heartthrob. But the smiles as he glances at her, they're softer. He doesn't ignore her. In fact, it's like he can't take his eyes off her. She catches him peeking at her, catching her eye, smiling slightly, and resuming conversation without missing a beat. All in all, it makes Tara just a little bit more confused.

Donna's not right. Donna can't be right. Does Tara want her to be right? Does she want Jax? No., she tells herself firmly. Not Jackson Teller. That road is only heartbreak and she doesn't need anymore of that in her life. She's imagining all of this, that's all it is, all it can be. She's not the first girl to catch his eye, but she will be the first to turn him down, she resolves.

"We're gonna go riding today. Wanna come?" Opie asks Jax, as the four of them wash and dry dishes.

"Sure." Jax agrees then bumps Tara. "Wanna come with?"

"What do you mean?" She asks, surprised.

"Ride with me." He offers, looking for all intents and purpose very innocent, but Tara sees the devilish glint in his eyes.

"Alright." She responds, stepping up to the challenge without hesitation. Donna drops the silverware. "Is what I have on ok, or do you want to run me home so I can change?"

"You're perfect." Jax quips and Tara determinedly fights down the urge to blush by turning and scrubbing the syrup off a plate a little too ferociously. She doesn't have to look up to know that Donna is smacking Opie. The instant she hands the clean plate to Opie to be dried, Donna takes her by the elbow and drags her off towards the bathroom.

"What is going on Tara Grace Knowles?" Donna demands, slamming the door shut and cornering Tara. She sits down on the toilet and watches, amused, as Donna paces in the small space.

"Was I interrupting a date? Should I have turned him down?" Tara suggests mockingly.

"You would've yesterday." Donna says sharply and Tara quiets down. "So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Tara squirms and Donna sighs, slumping against the door. "You don't have to." She relents.

"No, I will, but you can't judge." Tara tells her quietly and Donna perks up, looking at her curiously.

"I pinky swear." She vows and Tara rubs her eyes.

"Jax came to my house once, before his birthday. We talked about a lot of stuff." She admits and Donna listens in an awed silence. "About his brother, our dads, our moms, everything. That's when he invited my to his birthday. And then when I went…" She trails off as Donna's eyes go wide in horror.

"That's why… That's why you were so upset." She realizes. "Not because it was just Jax being a typical boy, but because you thought-"

"It was stupid to think he was anything other than a boy." Tara cuts across her. "That's why I didn't want to talk to him or about him after that. I was really angry at him."

"Rightly so." Donna mutters.

"But last night… We talked again." Tara reveals and Donna's jaw drops. "Jax, he's a different person when he's not trying to keep up the whole 'I'm gonna be a Son, I'm so tough' mask. And, well, I like who he is when he doesn't have that mask." She says, blushing.

"You do?!" Donna squeals.

"That's why I'm going today, I want to see if the sweet Jax can continue into the daylight or if he'll keep being a jerk." She explains, but she doubts Donna hears her. She's too busy jumping around excitedly, clapping her hands.

"He will, I'm sure of it." Donna says confidently. "You two are going to fall in love today and I am going to be there to see it!"

"That might be taking it a little far." Tara says dryly, opening the bathroom door and shuffling Donna out.

"It's not fair to use the bathroom to get out of doing the dishes." Opie says, pointing with his towel.

"Why do girls going to the bathroom in groups anyways?" Jax muses aloud, scrubbing a glass and handing it to Opie.

"To talk about our periods." Tara deadpans and both boys go pale, quietly returning to the dishes. Donna sniggers, putting away the dishes.

"So where are we going today?" Donna asks Opie, as Jax disappears to change. Opie shrugs, gently wiggling a couple rings onto his fingers.

"There's a pretty scenic ride through the countryside I think we'll try." He says, glancing at Tara. She's attempting to look like she's listening offhandedly, adjusting her shirt. "It's pretty."

"Well, good, I look forward to it." Donna says cheerfully, then smacks Tara's arm. "Quit fidgeting."

"Is this an ok outfit?" Tara asks lowly, looking down at her shorts, tank top, and zip up sweatshirt.

"No, you're gonna be cold." Jax says, exiting his room and tossing her a large, checkered flannel shirt. "That'll help."

"Oh, thanks." Tara says, surprised.

"Ready to go?" He asks, looking at Opie, who nods. Donna ties a bandana at the nape of her neck, using it to keep her short hair off her face. Tara quickly reaches up to pull her hair into a braid. She walks outside, rushing to try and finish it off before Jax gets on the bike. He turns around just as she snaps a hair tie around the end and offers her a helmet.

"How do I, uh, get on?" She asks, buckling it beneath her chin. He jerks his chin towards Opie and Donna and she turns, watching at Opie rights the bike, then Donna swings a leg over and situates herself behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Don't worry darlin'." Jax drawls, smirking and offering her hand. "Unless you're scared." The challenge in his voice is what makes Tara sling her leg over the bike and sit down, automatically gripping Jax for support. "Like a natural." He compliments and she takes a deep breath. He brings the bike to life, making her jump at the noise. "Hang on!" He yells and she squeezes herself close to him as he backs down the driveway, then pulls away.

The feeling is unlike anything before. It takes her the entire ride out of Charming to even feel like she's not going to throw up. She's not quite sure, even with her love of physics, how Jax is managing to balance the incredibly heavy bike and do it with ease. She wants to turn around to look and see how Donna does it, but she's not quite sure that doing so wouldn't cause her to fall off the bike.

"This is fun!" She yells, lying through her teeth when Jax stops for a stop sign on the outskirts of town.

"You could ease up on the death grip." He suggests, grinning. Blushing, she loosens her arms. "I promise you're safe. I won't let you fall." He yells and takes off. She squeezes his waist tightly but, remembering what he had said, relaxes her arms once more.

When she starts to look around, the scenery is changing. The paved town roads are becoming dusty country ones, flowing from houses and buildings to wide open pastures and hills quickly. She smiles and watches are the landscape rolls past her, leaning her head against Jax's back and resting it there.

A while later, she's not sure how long, Jax and Opie pull the bikes into a little secluded forest, where a small patch of grass is bathed in sunlight. Jax gently parks the bike and helps her off. She hands the helmet back to him; grateful she'd had the foresight to braid her hair. Donna grins at her, bumping her arm.

"How'd you like it?" She asks and Tara struggles to find the right words.

"It was exciting and fun. Definitely something new." She says thoughtfully and Opie snorts, shaking out a blanket to put down.

"Took her till past country road 18 to stop looking like she was expecting you to lay the bike down." He comments to Jax.

"Oh lay off, it was her first time." Jax says, rolling his eyes.

"No, I'm saying that's a reasonable expectation when riding with you." Opie corrects himself then prepares for Jax to try and tackle him. Ignoring the wrestling match behind her, Donna raises her eyebrows.

"Anything else?" She asks suggestively and Tara rolls her eyes.

"Donna, it's not like I'm gonna magically fall in love with him after one ride on his bike and a day with him." Tara scoffs.

"Why not? That's when I fell in love with Op." Donna says quietly and Tara looks at her in surprise.

"Have you guys said…" She trails off, leaving her words unspoken and Donna shakes her head.

"No, there hasn't been a good time." She says, watching as Opie attempts to pin Jax down. "I want to make it special, you know? He's the first guy I've ever said it to, so it needs to be something to remember."

"What if he just blurts it out one day?" Taylor points out, watching in mild amusement as Jax flails on his back.

"Of course I'll say it back because it's how I feel, but I know Opie won't just blurt it out. That's not who he is." Donna says confidently. "Alright enough, he's going to go blue." Opie relieves the pressure on Jax's throat. He sucks in air and glares at his best friend.

"You ruined the blanket." Opie says, annoyed, attempting to straighten out the now rumpled edges.

"You tried to choke me!" Jax says, outraged, and Opie shrugs, supremely indifferent. "C'mon Tara, lets go for a walk." Jax says, standing and rubbing his neck for dramatic effect. Opie doesn't notice.

"Are you ok?" Tara asks with concern as they wander into the trees. Jax waves a hand, letting go of his neck.

"Fine, we're both done worse to each other." He reveals then grins at her alarmed look. "It's what brothers do."

"Did you and Tommy fight like that?" She asks and the smile slides right off Jax's face, replaced by the stony mask.

"No." He says shortly. Hesitantly, Tara reaches out and grasps the ends of his fingertips. Her touch relaxes him somewhat and he takes a deep breath, carrying on. "I always knew his heart was pretty weak and so I was pretty gentle on him. That didn't mean I didn't want to hit him and wrestle him when he did annoying things, like take my stuff."

"That's the nice thing about being an only child; no one to take your stuff." Tara says lightly, trying to steer the conversation away from something that Jax gets upset over.

"Yeah but I'd gladly give Tommy all my stuff now if it meant he would be here to take it." Jax says broodingly and Tara gives his hand a reassuring squeeze then lets them lapse into silence.

"So can I ask where we're going?" Tara asks, finally, as they wander deeper into the trees. Jax looks around, drawn out of his thoughts and looking mildly surprised to find themselves so far from Opie and Donna. He cocks his head, listening for a moment.

"I hear water." He says and once Tara listens closely, she too hears the gentle babbling. Keep their hands intertwined, Jax guide her to the bank of a small, gently flowing river. Tara, warm in the summer heat, ties Jax's flannel around her waist and kicks off her shoes, sticking a toe in the water.

"It feels nice." She tells Jax, wading in a little deeper and splashing the water onto her legs. He sits on the bank, watching her.

"I'm good here." He says and she sticks her tongue out, carefully walking through the river, balancing on unsteady rocks. "Careful for the fish."

"There's no fish in here." She says confidently, but finds a large rock that's higher out of the water and clambers atop it.

"Scared?" Jax asks, sounding amused and she shakes her head, turning her face up to the filtered sunlight that makes its way through the trees. "Then what are you scared of?"

"I don't know." She states honestly. "A lot of things, I guess."

"Like what?" Jax prods and she clamps her mouth shut, then remembers how much her opinion of Jax had changed when he had opened up. He deserves to know a little bit about her too. She takes a deep breath.

"Um, losing my dad. I'd be an orphan and that's scary because I have so much I want to do with my life and I need a parent to help me get there." She says, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Failure, because if I don't reach my goals, what's the point of any of it? I want to be bigger than Charming High School and I'm scared I'll fail that."

"You're already bigger than CHS." Jax tells her and she looks at him quizzically. He's watching her with a curious expression.

"How so?" She demands.

"You pay attention in school. You're not caught up if Christina the cheerleader is going to sleep with Frank the football player Friday night or whether or not Tony the alcoholic is hosting a party. You're different from everyone else there. You're above all the high school shit." He points out.

"It's hard to get into the high school shit when you're not suppose to even be there." Tara broods and Jax looks taken aback for a moment, like he's only now remembering that even though Tara is two years younger than him, only one grade separates them.

"Do people give you shit for skipping a grade?" He asks curiously and she shrugs, watching as the water ripples where she sticks her toes in.

"Not shit so much. They just assume that I think I'm better than them or that I think I'm super smart. I don't." She insists.

"You should." Jax snorts. "You are smarter than everyone, that's why you skipped a grade."

"That doesn't make you friends." Tara tells him. "But I suppose the prince of Charming doesn't have to worry about that."

"I'm not the prince of Charming." Jax mutters, looking down and pulling grass out with a frown.

"Don't they call your mom the Queen?" Tara questions and he looks at her with a frown. "That makes you a prince."

"Just because my mom is some big deal in Charming doesn't mean I am." He protests.

"No, you just take the benefits when it suits you." She says smoothly, feeling safe in her position on the rock. He wouldn't come into the water. "Like all the girls that throw themselves at you."

"Girls don't throw themselves at me." He sneers.

"I walked in on you having a threesome!" She cries.

"It was my birthday!" He tries to defend and she looks at him in amazement, shaking her head.

"You have no respect for women, do you?" She demands.

"I do too! I think women are just as strong and capable as men." He asserts. "Look at my mom!"

"Every single girl in your life always tells you yes." Tara states. "You're just one big spoiled baby, always getting what he wants. Name one girl that has ever told you no!"

"You!" Jax says, pointing to her in astonishment.

"No I didn't." Tara scoffs. "I agreed to come on this ride, I'm as bad as the bimbos that sleep with you on a Saturday night that you don't remember Monday morning at school."

"Yeah, but this is different." Jax protests.

"How?" Tara asks and he hesitates for a second, looking around. "Exactly. Like you wouldn't want a girl to hop on the back of your bike so you could bring her out here and have sex."

"But it's different with you!" He bursts and she's quiet, looking at him. Slowly, like he regrets having said anything, he continues. "I tell you stuff, stuff I don't tell anyone else. About my brother and dad. Those other girls, they didn't know that stuff. You do."

"And why me?" Tara asks inquiringly and Jax groans, flopping down, rubbing his face.

"I don't know Tara!" He says loudly. "I don't know why I open up to you! I'm an emotionally constipated boy who's lost more members of his family, both real and adopted in 16 years than most people do by the time they're adults. Maybe you get it because you lost your mom. Maybe you just don't take my shit. But I don't know, I don't know why you're special."

"Maybe…" Tara says quietly and Jax doesn't even flinch. "Maybe it's because sometimes you just trust certain people." Jax props himself up on his elbows, looking at her, forehead furrowed.

"You trust me?" He inquires and she bites her lip, putting both her feet in the water and tracing patterns.

"Yes." She admits. "I trust that you're a good guy and you just don't show it to the world. I trust that you have a brain, somewhere in there, even if you pretend it's filled with boobs and engine parts. I trust that you need someone to talk to and I trust that I want to be that person."

"Why?" He asks and he doesn't sound snide or dismissive, but just genuinely curious. She splashes back through the water and sits down next to him, spreading her legs out to dry.

"Because you're interesting." She says, not looking at him but up at the periwinkle sky. "Sure, all you want is sex and no commitment, but I also read your essay from freshman English on the Lady or the Tiger."

"My what?" Jax asks and she turns her head to smile coyly at him.

"Mrs. Andover gave me her favorite essays to read before I did the assignment. Yours was one of them." She reveals. "You had to write an essay on what you envisioned the ending of the story was- Frank Stockton's short story The Lady or the Tiger." He looks at her blankly and she sighs. "The barbaric king, his arena where you'd be guilty and eaten by a tiger or innocent and given a wife? The princess's lover went in, which door did she tell him to open?"

"That." Jax says with disgust. "Who leaves a story with no ending?"

"A brilliant writer." Tara says firmly. "And I know you liked it too, you said as much in your essay." Jax is quiet, brooding. "You talked about nature over nurture, about how no matter how much someone loves something, true nature cannot be denied and after all is said and done, that's where decisions are made."

"Yeah, yeah, I wrote some stupid paper on a stupid story, why does that make me interesting?" He questions and she sits up, green eyes holding fast with blue, intensely searching the other's face.

"You said the tiger." Tara breathes, without taking her eyes off his. "You said you think she picked the tiger, because under it all, she's the barbarian princess and her nature would've never let her lover walk out of them with another woman. You said you know what it is like to want one path and take another, because that path is your nature."

"So you read my essay and got out of it that what, I'm a good man?" He asks tartly. "I thought you hated me for what I did to Rebecca Carrey."

"I do." She says stoutly. "It was wrong and it confirmed my suspicion that you're a complete and total ass when it comes to girls. But there's something under the Jax Teller persona that is smart and thoughtful and self-aware and interesting! Really interesting, not what size is his dick interesting."

"It's pretty big, in case you wanna know." Jax deadpans and Tara smacks his chest, hard. He frowns, rubbing it.

"I don't. I don't want to know anything about that. I want to know the guy that writes an essay so well written that a teacher would keep it. Mrs. Andover keeps maybe one essay a year. I don't even think she kept mine. You're smart, why do you hide it?"

"I'm gonna go see what Donna and Opie are up to." Jax says, scrambling away and Tara watches him go, exasperated.

 **AN:** And now we see why Tara finds Jax so interesting (side note that story is good and I would recommend reading, it's probably shorter than this chapter) A very long chapter so I'm hoping lots of reviews, and thank you to everyone who does review, it makes me happy!


	12. Back Roads

By the time she wanders back to the clearing where the bikes are, Jax and Opie are deep in debate over bikes. Donna looks up with anticipation when Tara sits down next to her, closing her eyes against the bright sun.

"So?" She demands and Tara cracks an eye, glancing at her.

"So what?" She asks casually and Donna makes a noise of frustration, shoving her. "You thought we wandered off and he proposed?" Tara suggests, amused and Donna shoves her harder.

"Forgive a friend for being curious." She says, heavy on the sarcasm. Tara looks up at her, grinning.

"We talked Donna! Nothing more, nothing less." She informs her.

"About what?" Donna asks eagerly and Tara shrugs.

"This essay he'd written for English." She explains and Donna looks stunned. "It was really good."

"That's surprising." Donna states.

"That it was good?" Tara asks, twisting to look at her.

"No, that Jax Teller turned an assignment in." Donna corrects and Tara laughs, shaking her head.

"Well, he did. He's really smart, under it all." Tara says thoughtfully and Donna watches as Jax and Opie continue their argument, occasionally peppered with brief spurts of wrestling.

"I'm assuming it's very, very deep." Donna deadpans and Tara watches them in amusement as well. "Is that why you like him, because you think there's this secret side of him?" Donna presses and Tara remains silent. She doesn't want to break Jax's trust and reveal everything he's told her. So instead she turns and gives Donna a wry smile.

"I think the only side to Jax Teller that matters is the side that tries to get into the pants of every girl he meets."

"C'mon, we want to ride some more." Jax calls, getting up and brushing dirt off his pants. Tara extends her hands and Donna pulls her up. She takes the helmet Jax offers her and gets on the bike, far more graceful this time around. "Becoming a pro." Jax compliments teasingly and she squeezes his waist in retaliation, making him laugh.

They ride though more of the countryside and Tara rests her head on the nape of Jax's neck, enjoying the constant hum of the bike and the peaceful view of trees rolling by. Then she gasps, sitting up. They've come out on a high winding road, the overlook of the countryside stunning.

"Wow." She breathes, taking it in. She feels like she's flying, ready to take off into the blue sky. Moments later, they're off the cliff but Tara looks back, trying to memorize the view. They wind their way back into town, slowing down and finally stopping in front of the diner.

"Did you like that view?" Jax asks her, when she gets off the bike and she looks at him, gesturing wildly.

"That was… I didn't even know that was there!" She exclaims and he grins, walking with her into the diner.

"It's why you should always take the back roads." He instructs her, holding the door open. "It's one of my favorite routes."

"I can see why." Tara says, smiling and they lead Donna and Opie to a booth, the girls ordering a pizza to share and the boys ordering large burgers each. While they wait. Jax and Opie take turns ripping up pieces of paper and throwing them at one another.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom before the food gets here." Tara tells Donna, who nods and rises with her.

"We're going to the bathroom." Donna announces.

"Mmk." Opie mumbles, cursing when Jax makes it into his glass of water. Rolling their eyes, the girls depart, talking about local Charming gossip.

"And all in all, I think she's being ridiculous about the whole thing." Tara says, flushing. Donna, fixing her hair in the mirror, is nodding in agreement. "But what can you expect from someone like her?"

"She's always been overdramatic." Donna adds and Tara nods, washing her hands. "I just don't think she's handling it well."

"Well, who handles a breakup well?" Tara asks and Donna shrugs at her point, pushing the bathroom door open. As they're walking back to their table, a voice calls out,

"Tara!" She stops and turns. David Hale is rising from his booth.

"Oh, hi." Tara says in surprise. Behind her, she hears Donna make a noise of disgust and ignores her.

"I, uh, isn't it your birthday?" He stammers slightly.

"No. It was yesterday." Donna says harshly and Tara steps on her toes.

"Oh, well, happy birthday." He says, glancing between Tara and Donna nervously. Tara smiles reassuringly.

"Thank you. How's your summer going so far?" She asks politely and he shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Good, you know, busy with football. I want to be the starting varsity quarterback next year." He informs her and she nods, impressed. "Who are you here with?" He asks, as Donna stomps off back towards the boys.

"Oh, um, Donna and Opie Winston and, um… Jax Teller?" She says slowly, biting her lip. His eyes widen and he leans around her, looking towards where Jax and Opie are trying to throw ice cubes back and forth.

"Really?" He asks incredulously and she squeezes her eyes shut, making a face. "I didn't think you were the kind of girl who… Jax Teller."

"I'm not!" She says hastily. "I'm not dating him or anything! God, no. It's just, Donna's my best friend and Opie's his and they're dating and so we kind of third wheel, it's not like a double date or anything, I mean I'm not dating, we're not, not at all, never ever." She takes a deep breath and he looks amused and relieved.

"Good, I knew you were smarter than that." He says warmly and she pauses, frowning.

"Wait, do you think Jax Teller is dumb?" She demands and he looks at her, surprised at her tone.

"I think the girls he dates are." He clarifies. "I think Jax himself is a scumbag." Tara looks over her shoulder, watching as Jax laughs and runs his hands through his long hair.

"I don't think he's a scumbag." She says stoutly.

"Didn't he have a threesome on his birthday?" He asks skeptically and Tara cringes slightly.

"Yes, but he's not really like that." She protests, running her fingers absentmindedly over the thick flannel tied around her waist that he had offered her to keep her from getting cold.

It seems so easy to separate the Jax that had a threesome with the Jax she spoke to in her kitchen, who spilled his secrets late at night, who had watched her perched on a rock and smiled like the sun. Maybe it is because she's been separating the loving father from his drunken self for so long, it's second nature.

"Well, I still don't like him." Hale's assertion draws her out of her musings. "But, uh, anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to do something." He asks and she looks at him in surprise.

"What?" She says automatically, stunned.

"Yeah, just like the Garden Parade or something or the carnival or something or uh never mind you don't have to." He says awkwardly and she plasters a smile onto her face.

"No, no, that sounds really fun." Her voice sounds over-cheery to her ears. "You should, um, call me. And we can figure stuff out."

"Really?" He asks, his face lighting up and she nods. "Yeah, I will, that sounds great Tara!"

"Well, my pizza is there." She says, seeing the waiter carrying it towards their table. "I'll talk to you later."

"Ok, later." He says, grinning and she nods, heading back the table. Donna is glaring when she sits.

"What?" She asks, unperturbed, picking up a slice.

"David. Hale. Is. What." Donna states flatly.

"What about David Hale?" Jax asks curiously, reaching for the pizza and gets his hand slapped away by Tara.

"He asked me to hang out." Tara informs them, taking a large bite.

"What?" Donna yelps and even Opie and Jax are looking at her in disbelief. Tara shrugs, chewing and swallowing, the sauce searing her throat on the way down. "Tell me you said no!"

"Why would I?" Tara points out. "He's a nice guy."

"He's a prick." Jax says firmly.

"That's funny because he called you a scumbag." Tara says coolly and anger makes Jax's face go the same color red as the booth.

"Why were you talking about me?" He demands and she rolls her eyes, unfazed by his rage.

"He asked who I was here with. I told him." She says easily and Jax still looks slightly upset.

"Whatever." He mutters, taking a large bite of his burger when it arrives.

"I think I'll walk home." Tara tells them, as they walk out of the diner.

"Are you sure?" Donna asks uncertainly.

"I wanna clear my head. Besides, it's not far." Tara reassures her and Jax doesn't bother saying goodbye but gets on his motorcycle and roars past.

"I'll go with you." Donna offers then lowers her voice and touches her forehead with Opie's. "I'll talk to her." She says quietly.

"And I'll talk to him." Opie responds and they kiss before Opie follows Jax and Donna jogs to catch up with Tara.

"You don't have to walk with me." Tara says, nonplussed.

"I know." Donna tells her. "But I want to talk with you."

"About Jax?" Tara says, exasperated.

"No, David Hale." Donna says firmly and Tara looks at her in surprise. "I really don't like him Tara."

"Why not?" Tara demands. "Because he's in the good classes? Because he's probably going to actually graduate high school? Because he plays football and is nice to girls?"

"You're giving me whiplash." Donna complains. "Before we eat, you're all sunshine and daisies about Jax. After we eat, suddenly you back to bashing him? Like girl, pick a side."

"Donna, I can't!" Tara objects. "Jax, he's not black and white. He's 100% grey. There's no good and bad, he's both."

"And you're scared of that." Donna sums up and Tara instead reaches up and plucks leaves that hang down from the trees and starts shredding them to keep her hands busy.

"Maybe." She says softly.

"What aren't you telling me?" Donna asks quietly. "What is there to you and Jax I don't know?"

"Jax…" Tara struggles to figure out how to phrase it. "Sometimes we have these talks, these insanely deep talks where we spill everything. Our dead parents, our absent parents, our feelings, everything. And it's in those moments that I feel so connected to him. Like he really understands what's going through my mind. But then I talk to anyone outside of his little bubble and I remember what he shows other people. He's the playboy. And I don't want that to reflect on me! I don't want to be another one of Jax Teller's conquests, another one of his stupid bimbos that he uses and throws away."

"Do you really think Jax could throw you away?" Donna points out. "He already treats you differently than all the other girls." Tara makes a face, hoping on the curb and balancing as she walks, the slight summer breeze threatening to blow her off course.

"That's not the point." She says finally, stepping off the curb and looking both ways before crossing the streets.

"Than what is?" Donna asks desperately and Tara thinks about Jax, her father, her future, and what she really wants.

"If Jax likes me more than those girls, he'll act like he likes me more than those girls. Some big, romantic gesture. Something to proves to me without a doubt that I'm the one." Tara decides and Donna adopts a glum look. "What?"

"I don't even think Jax knows how to do small, affectionate gestures." She muses and Tara shrugs. "But that doesn't mean you should go after Hale!"

"I'm not going after Hale!" She contends and Donna narrows her eyes. "I swear, he's coming after me."

"Yeah but that means you're going to agree!" Donna says, gesturing wildly and Tara tugs her back from the curb as a car whizzes by.

"I'm not agreeing to anything." Tara says calmly. "And you're all crabby because you and Op want people to double date with."

"And I think you two would be good for each other." Donna retorts and Tara is supremely unconcerned.

* * *

Opie walks into Jax's house, nodding to Gemma, who raises her eyebrows. He stops and waits for her interrogation.

"Why'd Jackson walk in here looking like someone knocked over his bike?" She questions.

"He's, uh, not having the greatest day." Opie tells her and she purses her lips, fiddling with her necklace.

"Gonna go talk him down?" She assumes and he nods. "Always glad to have your cool head Op."

"Wanna talk about it?" Opie asks, leaning against Jax's doorframe and he responds by turning the volume up on his TV. "Seriously?"

"What's there to talk about?" Jax protests, struggling to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Today as a whole." Opie suggests. "Or do you wanna bottle up more of your feelings and keep ignoring them?"

"Yeah, let's bottle them up." Jax mutters and Opie collapses into a chair, watching TV with interest. It's not ten minutes later and Jax is ready to talk. "I talked to her about my dad." He admits. Opie looks back at him, evidently surprised.

"And how'd that go?" He asks and Jax shrugs, brooding on it for a while, fiddling with a pen.

"I mean, if anyone's gonna understand what it's like to deal with the shit I'm dealing with, it's her. She lost her mom, her dad's a drunk, and she's a little bit of a loner, like me." He says thoughtfully.

"One, you're not a loner. You're surrounded by people all the time. And two, she's a hell of a lot smarter than you." Opie reminds him and Jax rolls his eyes, throwing a pillow at him.

"Being surrounded by people and feeling connected to them aren't the same thing." He declares and Opie shrugs. "And she is a lot smarter than me, I know that. But you know, I just…"

"Do you like her?" Opie asks pointedly and Jax flicks through the channels instead of answering. Jax watches snatches of shows; the words become jumbles the faster he changes channels, reflecting the chaos in his head.

"Yes!" He bursts. "Yes, I think she's cute, ok?"

"Thinking she's cute isn't the same as liking her." Opie says flatly and Jax growls, throwing the remote at the TV.

"I don't fucking know." He complains.

"Well think about it for ten minutes. Actually think about it. In your tiny brain." Opie orders and Jax glares holes into the back of his friend's head.

"She's fine." He grumbles, ten minutes later, and Opie gives him a look. "Dude, I'm not going to chase after her and do some big romantic gesture. It's not my style. If she's interested in me, she'll show it."

"So coming with on your bike today, that wasn't showing it?" Opie points out and Jax pulls a face.

"It's not that big of a deal." He downplays it easily and Opie remains blank faced and serious.

"Just like you telling her about your dad wasn't a big deal." Opie says, a hint of sarcasm slipping into his otherwise solemn tone.

"I told her about Tommy too." Jax confesses and that breaks Opie's mask. He looks at Jax in downright shock.

"Your brother?" He demands and Jax gives him a look. "You haven't… You haven't even talked to me about Tommy."

"Tara, she just… She just knows shit!" Jax explodes with words. "She understands, she gets it. She knows what it's like. She just listens, she doesn't judge, she doesn't want anything from me. And she's like crazy smart. She read my essay and she like… She like wants to know what I'm thinking. She just seems to kind of get it. I don't even know why. I don't even know how. But she does. And she's always there, she's always been there. And like, I don't feel like she wants anything from me, you know? Like she doesn't care about the club or anything, like she likes me for me. Not for my last name and my bike. And that's rare, you know? I can't find a girl like that at the club or school? And she is just really cool. She's funny, but like not in an obvious way. She's got sorta dry humor? And it's like weird? But she gets my shit. I don't know, it's like, she's not really my type. Dark hair, nerdy, young. But I'm ok with it, you know?"

"No," Opie says, looking just a little overwhelmed at Jax's outburst. "I really don't know." With a frustrated groan, Jax flops down, staring at the ceiling and trying to organize his thoughts.

"It's like, I'm never sure what's going to come out of her mouth. And I like that." He describes.

"Yeah, that I get." Opie says, picking up the remote and switching to a channel he wants. "It's how I feel about Donna. I'm never sure what she's going to do next but I'm always looking forward to it."

"But Tara's talking to Hale." Jax says, clenching his fists, voice hard.

"She talked to him once, in a diner. While with you." Opie reminds him and Jax sighs heavily. "Do you want Tara to only talk to you?"

"I mean, it's not fun when she's talking to anyone else." Jax mummers and Opie's mouth twitches into a smile.

"So that means you should go for her." He prompts Jax, who just looks unconvinced. "It means you have feelings for her."

"What if I just kinda let it unfold naturally?" He says hopefully and Opie give a half shrug.

"Fine, do it however you want, but just a reminder, if you want her to only talk to you, you probably should only talk to her." Opie informs him and Jax looks slightly alarmed at this.

"But, I'm only 16!" He protests and Opie gives him a confused frown. "There are a lot of girls out there!"

"Yeah, you're totally not ready for a relationship." Opie decides. "Forget everything I said."

"But I do like Tara." Jax insists.

"And when you like her enough that you're not worried about any other girl out there being better, that's when you can go for her. Not before, or it's just going to be a mess." Opie advises and Jax frowns at his best friend.

"When the hell did you get so good at relationship shit? Donna's your first girlfriend."

"You know how my parents did things?"

"Yeah?"

"I just do the exact opposite."

* * *

As Tara gets ready for bed, she tries not to think about Donna's point she had made. Tara picking between Jax and Hale. In reality, she doesn't really want a serious relationship with either. Jax is too flighty and Hale is too firm. Jax has threesomes but Hale would probably propose. She sits down in her bed and draws her notebook and pencil close. She loves to make lists.

 _Jax- Pros._

 _Cute. So cute. Like weirdly cute? Why, like why is he so cute? Long hair, blue eyes, that smile… Oh my god, I've seen him with so little clothing. Ok, he's hot Jax is hot. No way around it. Hot._

 _He's smart. That essay was really good. He's way smarter than he acts._

 _He's funny. And fun. Unpredictable, especially one on one._

 _Deep. Clearly thinks a lot about life and death, purpose, all that stuff._

 _Kind. At least to those he cares about. (aka only Op)_

 _The bike. The bike? Yeah alright the bike is hot._

 _Cons._

 _Gross. Gross to girls. Treats them awful. Womanizer. Playboy. Will never, ever be faithful._

 _Drunk. And if not completely yet, in the future for sure._

 _Just like dad. Just like dad._

 _Stupid around others?_

 _Doesn't want a future. Wait. Future with the club._

 _Broken. Like me._

 _Every single girl in Charming throws herself at his feet._

 _Thinks he's the prince._

 _Is treated like the prince!_

 _How do I ever know how he feels?_

 _Hale- Pros._

 _Smart._

 _Good family._

 _Nice._

 _Kind._

 _Athlete._

 _Good guy._

 _Stable._

 _Probably would be a normal, typical relationship._

 _Not my father._

 _Cons._

 _Plain._

 _Boring? Maybe not after I get to know him?_

 _Just… This._

She looks over her lists and smiles ruefully at how accurately they reflect where her mind is currently. She stays on Hale for seconds before bouncing back to Jax and turning him over in her mind, trying to figure out how to rationalize and justify her attraction to him. With a wry smile, she gets up to shut off the lights and climb into bed.

When she's about to flip the switch, she notices that she still has Jax's flannel, in the pile of dirty clothes she's kicked to the corner. Slowly, she picks it up. She smells it and smiles slightly. It still smells like him, with just the faintest hint of grass. She wraps herself in it, shuts off the lights, and squeezes her eyes shut to block out the nagging voice that's telling her she's already made her choice.

 **AN:** Another longer post, but as you can see, things are headed a slightly different direction... Don't worry, this is still a J/T story all the way. Let me know what you think!


	13. Mothers

**July 4** **th** **, 1994:**

"Are you coming or not?" Donna demands over the phone and Tara sighs, finishing wiping down the kitchen counter, looking around at the mess still in the living room and bathroom.

"I just think I should keep cleaning." She mutters and she can practically feel Donna's disbelief through the phone.

"Tara! It's summer! It's an American holiday! Please, for the love of all things holy, put the cleaning supplies down and have some fun." She begs.

"I really need to clean!" Tara protests and Donna makes a noise of frustration and then whines loudly.

"If I promise to help you clean tomorrow, will you get your butt down to the carnival and watch the fireworks with me?" She bargains and Tara smiles, throwing the dirty rag in the laundry room.

"Yes, I love getting to third wheel with you and Opie." She says sarcastically and Donna protests for a long moment that she will pay attention to her before Tara cuts her off. "Cleaning means actually helping, not laying on the couch and trying to discuss Jax Teller with me." She explains and Donna gasps.

"Yes, yes, yes! I promise! I'll fold laundry and vacuum and wash windows. Anything you want." She says instantly.

"I'll meet you under the big Ferris Wheel at 3, ok?" Tara asks, checking the clock and Donna's clapping.

"Sounds good! Bye!" With a click, she hangs up and Tara heads towards the shower to get ready. She gets out, tousling her long, dark hair dry, passing by the makeup on the counter and shimming into shorts and a tank top. She grabs her purse and locks the doors behind her, heading towards the center of town.

She hears the carnival before she sees it. The fairgrounds have been transformed into a massive crowd of people and games, little kids yelling for cotton candy and adults walking around, talking and laughing. She smiles and heads towards the middle of it all, the Ferris Wheel. She checks the time on her watch- 2:57. She leans against the railing, casting an eye about for Donna.

"Tara?" She turns and spots Hale coming down from the ride with raised eyebrows. She smiles.

"Hi." She says warmly as he joins her.

"What are you doing alone?" He asks, looking around.

"Waiting for Donna." She explains, looking around for her friend. "She's usually late though, so I shouldn't be surprised."

"Are you third wheeling with her and Opie again?" He asks and she nods, ruffling her hair so it'll dry faster.

"As always." She jokes and he takes a step closer. "Who knows, maybe I'll have Jax to entertain me." She says, hoping he'll step away at Jax's name. He doesn't, just looks thoughtful.

"No, I saw him with a bunch of girls when I was up there." He says conversationally, gesturing to the Ferris Wheel. "I think he was trying to win them a prize of something."

"Oh, I'm sure he was." Tara comments, rubbing her arm and trying to remind herself that it is useless to ever expect Jax to want her. "What are you doing?" She asks, desperate to change the subject.

"Oh, I was here with some of the guys on the football team." He admits and Tara raises an eyebrow.

"Did you take a nice little trip on to the top?" She jokes, glancing up at the ride mostly filled with couples.

"No, I went up alone. My mom, she loved this ride." He tells her and she catches the wording, frowning at him. He ducks his head and starts wandering away from the ride. She follows him, fully intent on getting an answer and then hurrying back to Donna.

"Why doesn't she ride it anymore?" Tara asks and he shrugs, struggling for a moment to answer.

"She, uh, has MS. She can't really do anything anymore. It's easier for me to go do stuff and then I come home and tell her about it." He explains and Tara knows exactly what disease he is referencing, from her warm summer afternoons pouring over medical books.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly.

"I mean, I shouldn't complain, not to you." He says hastily. "I still have my mom and you don't and I'm sorry."

"It's not a competition." She tells him, looking up from the garbage-strewn ground with a frown. "My mom died, yeah, but it must be just as awful to see yours struggle everyday."

"It is." He says quietly, his head downcast, rubbing his short buzzed hair. "Thanks for understanding."

"Of course." She says warmly, bumping into him to try and infuse some lightness back into the moment. "It's very sweet of you to go and do things for her. What else do you do?" As they wander in slow circles around the carnival, he tells her about swimming against the current in a river, climbing to the tops of trees, covering himself in sand on the beach, and more adventures he has in the place of his mother. Tara listens, enraptured.

"So, she thought it was all very amusing that I screamed like a girl when the bugs came out of the tree." He says ruefully and Tara bursts into laughter. He grins at her, noticing how her arm will ever so lightly brush against his when she laughs harder and slides closer.

"Tara!" A sharp voice cuts both their grins short. Donna is striding between a cotton candy stand and a ring toss game, her eyes sparking like a fire's been lit behind them. Opie follows, looking deeply serious but when he glances towards Donna, amusement crinkles his forehead.

"Donna." Tara says, surprised. She stops walking abruptly and Hale runs into her, stumbling to the side.

"I have been looking for you." Donna says tightly, grabbing Tara's upper arm, fingers fastening around it like talons. "I thought we were going to meet at 3. Remember? I called you."

"I know, but you weren't there and he was." Tara tries to reason, gesturing to Hale, who raises an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm here now." Donna says sternly and glares at Hale until he awkwardly turns to Tara, offering his hand.

"Well, I had a nice talk." He says uneasily and she nods, shaking it. "Thanks for listening, I guess."

"Of course." She says, shaking it, squeezing it as tight as she can. "Anytime, I really enjoyed it."

"Donna, Opie." He says, nodding to the couple and Tara watches desperately as he turns and walks away, scratching his head.

"What was that?" She demands, rounding on Donna furiously.

"What, me rescuing you from that awful guy?" Donna says stoutly and Tara gapes at her, feeling the heat in her cheeks not rising from shyness but anger.

"He is not awful." She says hotly.

"No, he's just awful for you." Donna hisses, stepping forward and Opie makes a move to hold her back to Tara is already moving to meet her, both of them glaring with all the intensity they can muster.

"What do you know?" Tara questions.

"I'm only your best friend!" Donna spits. "And your only friend, if you stopped to look around and notice!"

"Then don't be my friend." Tara says bitterly and Donna rolls her eyes and grabs Tara's shoulders, shaking her.

"Someone has to talk sense into you!" She declares and Tara tries to fight her off but Donna's thin arms are deceiving of her surprising strength.

"Why do you think David Hale is so bad for me then?" Tara demands and Opie glances up from the cotton candy he's purchased whilst they've been fighting.

"Besides the fact that he's a giant prick?" He offers and Tara glares at him then looks back at Donna.

"Look, I know you." She says, her voice and grip both softening slightly. "I love you, I want what's best for you. This isn't me wanting to double date or that you and Jax would have beautiful babies."

"Donna." Tara says and she focuses.

"It's because a guy like Hale, he's not going to challenge you or fight you or make you a better person. You need someone that's a puzzle. I just think Hale would be a giant mistake. A beige, two story house on the corner with kids named Mary and Hank kind of mistake. I want you to have excitement and passion in your life, T. I think you need it." She says gently.

"Why do you care so much?" Tara asks and there's not a hint of malic in her voice, just genuine curiosity. Donna shrugs, plucking cotton candy and popping it into her mouth. Her teeth are covered in a thin, pink sheen when she smiles at Tara and offers her hand.

"Because I think you've been through enough grey, you deserve some sunshine." She explains and Tara gives a wry smile, taking Donna's non-sticky hand. She passes her cotton candy.

"Please tell me Jax Teller isn't your idea of sunshine."

* * *

Donna and Tara are shrieking with glee on Scrambler, a ride that promises to 'scramble the brain of riders' when Jax finds Opie. He's dutifully holding purses, eating a corndog with mustard dripping off it. He doesn't even flinch when Jax spots the purses and opens his mouth.

"Let's think about which one of us is in a functional, healthy relationship before we cast stones, shall we?" He suggests and Jax glowers at him, falling silent. They both watch the girls.

"Tara's here." Jax observes, rather obviously and Opie glances at him.

"Yeah, Donna and I found her walking with Hale." He says casually, waiting for a reaction from his best friend. He isn't disappointed. Jax splutters, clenching his slushie tightly.

"What?" He finally gets out and Opie takes another bite before mustard can drip onto his shirt.

"Yeah, they were walking around and talking." He explains, shrugging, noting how Jax's gaze follows Tara as she careens around in a circle, clinging to Donna and nearly in hysterics.

"Hale." Jax repeats, like saying the name out loud will help him. "Why the hell was she with Hale?"

"Why the hell were you with the Adams twins?" Opie asks bluntly and Jax struggles for an answer. "Dude, it's Charming. And as quiet as Tara acts, I'm sure she hears everything."

"But Hale!" Jax complains. "He's a million times worse than the twins."

"Tell Tara that." Opie recommends, amused. "I'm sure she'll agree completely with your logic."

"Well, you know it's right." Jax mutters and Opie shrugs, shifting the purses when the ride grinds to a halt with the screech of a dying whale and the girls clamber off, breathless.

"Hi Jax!" Donna says, clearly delighted, taking her purse from Opie and swinging it back over her shoulder.

"Donna." He says, grinning. "Tara." He says, somewhat stiffly.

"Hey Jax." Tara says breezily, taking her purse and pulling her wallet out. "Let's go get popcorn before the fireworks." She says to Donna and Opie, as if Jax isn't even there.

"Good idea." Donna says slowly, glancing at Opie so that a conversation can pass, unsaid, between the two of them. "How about you two go do that?" She says slowly and Tara narrows her eyes.

"We'll go get the blanket off my bike." Opie explains, taking Donna's hand. "Come find us when you have popcorn." They depart and after a long moment, Tara huffs loudly and stalks off.

"Hey, hold up." He says, dashing after her. "They're pretty good at doing this, huh?" He jokes.

"Doing what?" Tara asks indifferently, walking so quickly that people dart out of her way.

"Leaving us alone." Jax points out and Tara glances around at the people milling about.

"We're hardly alone." She scoffs, getting in line and holding her arms so tightly she could fold in on herself.

"Are you angry with me?" Jax asks, staring at her in confusion.

"No." She snaps and Jax raises an eyebrow as if she's proven his point. She loosens somewhat, shaking her head. "No, I'm not mad." She repeats, a little softer this time and he frowns.

"Are you mad because I was with the Adams twins?" He asks her and they move a step closer to the little window.

"No." She says, too quickly. "I mean," She tries to backtrack. "I just heard that you were with them."

"Yeah, their dad knows my mom pretty well." Jax says dismissively and Tara watches him for a moment.

"So why were you with them?" She asks, not really wanting to ask and hating that she sounds pitiful when she does.

"They wanted to hang out a little bit." He says, shrugging. "So we played a dart game, I won a stuffed animal, that kind of stuff. I swear, I just know them from the club." Then he flashes her a dazzling grin and turns, offering money to the man in the window. Tara follows Jax's figure through the crowd, carrying two containers of popcorn, lost in thought.

He wasn't with them on some sort of twisted date. He wasn't dating one or both of them. He was just being a friend. A family friend. A nice guy. It wasn't like he was trying to get into their pants. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he was being a better guy, like she wanted. With a thump, she sits on the blanket Donna and Opie have spread out for fireworks.

 **AN:** I am sorry it's short and I'm sorry it's a filler and I'm sorry it's got a lot of Hale BUT I promise that it is very essential. Please, please, review. More reviews means more motivation for a longer chapter!


	14. American Kids

"Can I have the cheesy kind?" Donna's question brings her out of her mind and back to the present. Opie grudgingly hands over his popcorn and Donna beams, eating it by the handfuls.

"Here, I have the butter." Jax says, offering some to Tara and she scoots closer, taking a few kernels and eating them, groaning slightly when a piece lodges itself between two back teeth. Frowning, she tries to pop it up with her tongue. She stops when she realizes Jax is laughing at her.

"What?" She demands, affronted.

"Nothing, it's just, with your face all scrunched up like, it's amusing." He says, grinning. "You're concentrating, very hard."

"I can't get it out!" She protests and resuming her work, brow furrowed and one eye shut.

"Don't you have floss?" He asks, after a few minutes watching the struggle in entertainment.

"Yeah, I just carry around floss." She says in annoyance. "I want to be a doctor, not a dentist."

"I know that!" Jax says hastily. "I mean, you wouldn't do all that studying for nothing, right?" He jokes weakly and Tara makes a face at him then suddenly brightens, pumping her fist into the air, victorious.

"Got it!" She declares victoriously and Jax chuckles at the delight she's expressing. She leans back and tries to get into a comfortable position.

"Here." He says, bending his knees. Surprised, she glances at him unsurely then eyes it as if he might be trying to trick her. "Lean against them." He explains, gesturing and slowly, she does. Her hair cascades over Jax's knees, thick and dark. He finds himself wondering what it would be like to smell it, what she smells like- he firmly cuts that train of thought off before it can arrive at Tara in the shower, washing her hair.

Across from them, Donna has made Opie take the same sitting position as Jax and while the boys recline themselves on their hands, the girls chatter, sharing popcorn and laughs. If people walk by and are surprised to see Tara Knowles with Jax Teller, relaxed and smiling, the four teenagers don't seem to notice.

"This is taking forever." Donna complains and Opie smiles, separating his knees so that she falls back. She catches herself and frowns at him.

"You're just extra impatient." He retorts. "But the sun's nearly down, which means that it'll start soon."

"I'm not impatient." She huffs and he raises a wicked eyebrow. She scoots to snuggle up with him and butts her head up under his chin. He wraps an arm around her and Tara has to admit, for everything that she feels about Opie Winston, he and Donna make a very cute couple.

"The PDA is a bit much, isn't it?" Jax jokes and she shrugs, smiling at the two of them then back to Jax.

"I think they're cute." She comments, watching them with a small smile. "They're happy, that's nice."

"Is that what you look for in a relationship, being happy?" Jax asks.

"Not exactly." Tara lays on her back with her hands laced behind her head, stretching out.

"What do you then?" Jax joins her unsurely, awkwardly too close for friends but too far for lovers, hovering near her.

"I don't know." She admits, eyes still trained on the night sky rather than him. "I'll tell you when I've actually been in a relationship." Jax can't help but snort with laughter.

"What's so funny?" Donna demands, lifting her head up to look at them suspiciously and Tara and Jax just grin at her, then at each other. She doesn't get an answer because at that moment, a huge boom and a shower of red silences everyone and they turn skyward.

Tara watches the fireworks, transfixed. She hasn't appreciated them in a long time- usually they're just background noise to her father's drunken return after drinking the holiday away. But tonight, she watches, and appreciates. The funny ones that fizz with gold, the thunder-like bursts of purple, blue, green, or her favorites, the ones that shoot up and fall down, leaving trails of smoke in their wake. Wide eyed, she watches.

Jax doesn't notice the fireworks. He notices them rather absentmindedly. He's not looking skyward. He's looking at the girl to his left and the fireworks play out in her eyes. For the first time since he's met her, she looks as young as she really is, as delighted by the fireworks as any small child. Jax doesn't even care about the spectacle in the heavens. He'd much rather look at Tara.

Donna and Opie stay cuddled up, Opie refusing to shift Donna's head even though she's cutting off circulation to his hand. He just wants her happy. And from the little gasps and sighs she gives as the fireworks rain down above them, he knows she is, so he cherishes the moment, just a couple of kids in red, white, and blue on a warm summer night.

Tara 'oohs' and 'ahs' at the prettiest of the fireworks, making Jax grin next to her. When they start going off in rapid succession, the bangs overlapping to create a constant noise, she squeaks and claps her hands over her ears. Jax feels his heart swell as he recalls that Tommy use to do the same thing. Before he can catch himself, he reaches out and draws her in close.

Tara goes still as Jax tugs her towards him, like he's going to protect her from the racket. She uneasily tries to shift into a more comfortable position and Jax's arms let her go as though she's burned him. Not sure how to stop the awkwardness for seeping in, she sits up and Jax quickly does the same.

He knew it was a mistake to try and do what- hug her? Cuddle her? Snuggle? Protect? Whatever it was, it was stupid and now his cheeks burn with the shame and embarrassment of it. For her part, Tara's seems mostly unaware that he's dying a slow and painful death next to him, since she's still watching the finale with an intense focus.

As soon as it had started, it ends and the silence rushes in. Ears still ringing, Tara turns to Donna and Opie beaming. They're entangled in an embrace and she squeaks in surprise before she can help herself. To her shock, they seem to not notice that the fireworks are over and they're now the spectacle.

"Quit sucking face." Jax orders, standing up and nudging Opie with the toe of his boot. He turns and offers Tara his hand.

"Can't even have five minutes." Opie grumbles, sweeping up the blanket, sending errant popcorn kernels flying.

"You can do the whole seven minutes in heaven when we're home." Jax declares and the surge of people trying to get back to their cars nearly overwhelms them. Donna reaches for Tara like toddlers might and they clasp hands tightly, remaining close through the crowd. Jax just keeps an eye on Opie's tall self.

"Am I going home with you?" Tara asks Donna under her breath. Opie and Jax are too busy trying to navigate the crowd to notice the girls' quiet conversation. Donna hesitates answering for a fraction of a second too long in her over cheery response of,

"Sure!"

"What aren't you telling me?" Tara steps over a pile of discarding pizza boxes with a wrinkled nose.

"Well, Jax is sort of… Having a party?" Donna reveals slowly and now the disgust on Tara's face is from something else.

"Oh, so you're not going home." Tara assumes.

"I want you to come!" Donna squeezes Tara's hand when she tries to tug away. "I want you to be there. They are actually kinda fun."

"What, people drinking and throwing up and making out and having threesomes?" Tara hisses and Donna checks to see that Jax remains oblivious to their hushed comments.

"Maybe if you're there from the start, you'll be the only girl he pays attention to." Donna smiles optimistically. "I mean, you were tonight."

"After the Adams twins?" Tara quips bitingly and Donna groans.

"He didn't know you were here yet." She reasons and Tara just keeps her poker face, staring straight ahead. "Ask him if he wants you there. I'm sure he's going to say yes Tara!"

"Donna." Tara says firmly, stopping and grabbing her friend's face in her hands. Donna's blue eyes eagerly search her face. "Can you take two steps back out of my love life?"

"Tara." Donna says, grabbing Tara's face and grinning. "There's nothing to take two steps back from."

"Well maybe there would be if you weren't so hell bent on controlling it." Tara mutters and rather than be offended, Donna shrugs.

"I know I'm bossy." She says, looping her arm with Tara's as the crowd thins and they walk down an alley behind the boys. "I know I'm controlling. But I know that if I don't push you, you'll just hide behind books all day and never experience anything. That's why I made you do yearbook!"

"Alright." Tara smiles grudgingly. "And it was pretty fun."

"Exactly." Donna says confidently. "So stop acting like I don't know what's best. Jax could be fun!"

"Fun." Tara echoes, stopping as Jax and Opie chatter away, getting on their bikes. She hangs back awkwardly, unsure of what she should be doing, if she should wave and say her goodbyes or just slide onto the back of Jax's bike like it's nothing, like she belongs there.

"Hey, Tara." Jax says, twisting. She looks up at him with wide eyes. He's offering her a helmet with his blue eyes innocent and sincere, his mouth with a wicked curve to it.

She thinks of Hale, looking out over the carnival, crawling up next to his mother and describing it. Of his kind smile and boyish awkwardness around her. But Jax, with his swagger and confidence, his pull, his personality… Something inside her feels like if she turns and walks back home, cleans an empty house alone and falls asleep, her heart will burst.

So she reaches out and takes the helmet, strapping it on. He grins and makes the engine roar as they cut through the barricades easily. All the eyes in Charming are on Tara and she finds that she loves it.

 **AN:** Well I hope I am getting a little bit better at revealing my idea of teenage Donna to you all. (who was she before Opie went to prison?) And fun clue, this chapter makes an appearance in my other SOA story, Charming Little Moments, so see if you can find that... I will be taking a little break next week from posting to write a couple really big scenes, but that should give you more time to leave me lots and lots of reviews, pretty please!


	15. Zima

The eyes only grow when they pull up to the cabin. As Jax parks the bike outside the front porch, a strange hush falls, spreading from the people closest to those on the outskirts of the forest. Tara hesitates until Jax holds out his hand and steadies her to get off the bike.

"Thanks." She says automatically, glancing around as horror wells up in her stomach and makes it hard to breathe. Jax's hand finds her back and he keeps it there, even when she hands him her helmet and he tosses it on the handle.

"What kind of drink you want?" He asks in her ear, gently pressing her back to guide her up the porch stairs, through the door, and into the cabin.

"Um, something that doesn't taste like alcohol." She gathers enough of her mind to make a smart comment.

"Well I'm sure Opie has something fruity in here." Jax rummages through the fridge loudly and Opie punches him in the arm for the comment.

"Here, this is what I drink." Donna ignores the boys and hands Tara a bottle with a clear, fizzy beverage.

"What the hell is this?" Tara asks under her breath, once Jax and Opie are busy trying to mix a dark liquid with Coke.

"Zima." Donna explains, popping the top off of Tara's easily. "Just trust me, it's not bad. Better than beer. Have three and you'll be drunk." She grins and pats Tara's cheek. "Look at you."

"Yeah, I'm a great kid." Tara says, looking at the bottle with a frown. "Drinking at an upperclassman party. Do you realize if I get caught I'll be so screwed when it comes to college?"

"Then don't drink it." Donna says instantly. "I just figured you'd want some form of buzz since there's going to be nothing but rumors flying about you on the back of Jax's bike."

"Fuck that." Tara mutters and Donna's eyebrows fly up at her swearing. They go even higher when Tara takes a drink from the bottle and makes a slight face, nose wrinkled.

"It gets betters." Donna promises.

"Ah, my dad, he'd be proud." Tara says bitterly. Donna opens her mouth to say something but a thin girl with dyed black hair and dark eyes walks up to them, hips swinging and covered in leather.

"Tara Knowles." She says, dragging out her A's as she looks Tara up and down. Self conscious of her plain clothes and fruity beverage, compared to the well-developed girl in front of her, Tara folds her arms.

"Yeah?" Tara doesn't mean to come off defensive, but that's how it comes out. For some reason, this seems to amuse the girl.

"You came with Jax." She drawls, looking over Tara's shoulder as Jax picks up a cup in one hand and a beer in the other. "That like, a thing?"

"No." Tara says instantly, before she can even think about. Donna makes a small noise of disagreement and the girl switches her attention to Donna with narrowed eyes.

"You wanna say something?" She challenges. Unperturbed, Donna takes a sip of her Zima.

"She came on his bike. He brought her. I don't need to say anything." Donna doesn't even flinch when the girl spinning around and stalks away.

"Why'd you do that?" Tara hisses.

"I'll do it till you learn to fight your own battles." Donna tells her and Tara clenches her fists.

"You are the most frustrating person I know." She says hotly.

"I know." Donna smirks. "And one day you'll thank me. Hey, Op. Yeah, I saw that. You're not taking shots tonight!" She dashes off.

"The girliest drink." Jax mocks her, wrapping an arm around her. Already, he smells like beer and smoke. Tara hates that it's the smell of her childhood and despite all else, makes her feel at home.

"Sorry I haven't been drinking since I was 10 like you." She says sassily and Jax blinks once.

"Actually, they prefer to start us at like 5 in the club." He says seriously and she frowns, elbowing his ribs. He jumps and nearly spills his beer, swearing and taking a long pull to stop it from foaming over.

"Careful." She says, amused.

"That was your fault." He blames her then takes another pull. "Why were you talking to Tasha?"

"Tasha?" Tara asks and he gestures with his cup to the girl. "Oh, she just wanted to know why I was here with you." She explains and drinks again to hide her blushing at the implication.

"Oh great, now she'll report to my mother." Jax doesn't even notice her discomfort. He does notice her confused expression as she lowers the bottle. "Her mom is a crow eater, that's why she's here."

"Crow eater." Tara repeats and the words are strange on her tongue.

"That's what we call the girls that hang around the club." Jax explains and he struggles for the next words. "The ones that aren't really dating anyone per say, they just kind of, they're not married to anyone, so her mom, well, she just knows… She knows the guys of the club. Tasha's mom will tell my mom." He finally spites out and Tara looks at him, amused.

"Is your mom going to be mad I was on your bike?" She teases and he makes a face, finishing off his beer.

"No, she'll just have lots of questions. C'mon, I'm going to get another beer then let's go say hi to people." It's a casual request and Tara doesn't feel like he's doing to out of pity, so she stands and walks with him to the fridge. He takes another beer and then sticks his arm out. Grinning, Tara wraps hers around it and they set off towards the back door.

"You're an evil genius." Opie mummers in Donna's ear as they sit and watch Jax and Tara disappear.

"Oh, I know." Donna says smugly. "Life would be a lot smoother if everyone just listened to me because clearly I know best."

"Oh, and what should I be listening to?" Opie asks in amusement and she mulls it over, finishing her drink and meandering to the fridge to get another one. Opie watches her with a small smile on his face, admiring her curves and the playful smile she throws over her shoulder.

"You always listen to me." She sits on his lap and offers him another beer. "When I tell you what to wear, what to do, what not to do, everything. And look, you're doing great."

"You sound like my mom." He scoffs and she frowns at him.

"I don't want to be your mom." She pouts and he cracks his beer open. "You hate your mom."

"I don't hate her." He says, mildly alarmed. "Why'd you think that?"

"I don't know, you never talk about her or mention her or really tell me anything. I figured you hate her." She says quietly and he takes a drink to avoid talking to her. Donna waits patiently.

"She's not… I don't hate her." He says quietly. "She's just, she wasn't a good mom. She left and she took me with, except I didn't want to go and she never cared. She didn't give a damn about what I thought she just wanted to hurt my dad in whatever way possible and that was taking me."

"Where'd you go?" Donna asks, surprised. She remembers a time when Opie had disappeared from school, but mostly how Jax had moped around for a long time after.

"North." He taps his fingers on the can, eyes distant. "Shitty house, shitty town, shitty everything."

"Why'd you come back?" She wonders aloud. He turns and looks at her, a small little twisted smile.

"Jax's dad. The second they brought him to the hospital, my dad called my mom. We had a screaming match. I told her that if my dad died, Jax would be there in a heartbeat. She told me she wished my dad would die. Then I got on my bike and headed for home." He tells her.

"God, I'm so sorry." She says and she means it. She gently rubs his back in slow circles. A genuine smile crosses his face and he pulls her into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head.

"You don't have to be. You make me better."

"So," Tara asks, perching herself on the ledge of the porch and holding tightly to the rail. She finds that the world has a pleasant fuzzy edge to it, though she needs to concentrate on balance more. "Why am I here Jackson Teller?"

"Why are you here Tara Knowles?" He questions back, leaning against the railing next to her and smiling.

"You brought me here." She reminds him, squinting at however much is left in her bottle.

"You got on the back on my bike." He retorts and she takes a swig, downing the rest of the bottle.

"You offered." She sets the bottle next to her and extends her hand. "I want to try what's in your cup."

"No, no, no." He says immediately, pulling the red cup out of her grasp. "You're not having this."

"Why?" She sticks her lip out in a pout and Jax has to smile at how cute a face it is on her.

"Because you'd get too drunk." He explains.

"I'm not even drunk." She insists and Jax catches her when she almost falls backwards off the porch.

"Not but you're buzzed." He says, amused and she takes the cup from him. Before he can stop her, she takes a long drink. "Tara!"

"Hey." She holds up a finger and he goes quiet. "I'm trying to get drunk."

"Why?" He asks curiously.

"Because then maybe you'll like me like you like all those others girls." Ignoring Jax's astonished look, she dips into his cup once more.

"Ok, no more of that." He quickly takes it away from her.

"But now I don't have a drink and I am sad." Tara resumes pouting and Jax holds up a hand.

"Promise not to go anywhere. I'll get you another one." He instructs and Tara gives him a dazzling smile. He darts inside and she peers up from beneath the porch, looking to the sky.

"God, I didn't know Jax liked babies." The voice is loud and biting and Tara keeps looking towards the stars, anything to avoid glancing left and seeing what girl has a snarl on her face.

"I know, I always thought he'd want someone with tits and she doesn't have any." Cruel laughter rings out and Tara can't decide if she wants to get up and walk away or stay where she is, stony faced. It's not bad. She's heard worse. Orphan, the drunk's daughter, loser, loner, sad girl. She's learned how to turn herself into to steel at rude comments by now.

"It's a pity invite. Everything always is with her."

"She doesn't even have any real friends!"

"She's probably a huge slut."

"I bet her daddy doesn't even care that she's gone."

"Oh my god, can you say daddy issues?"

"Well, she can't have mommy issues, can she?"

"No, but god, whatever issues I have are smaller than yours." Tara snaps, getting off the ledge and stalking over to the gaggle of girls. They all go silent, surprised at the flashing eyes and curled lip, of Tara's anger that radiates off her. "Because at least I have the self confidence to not talk about a girl behind her back."

"Oh, we'll say it to your face." One girl hisses, stepping up and Tara just turns to her, fists clenched.

"Tara!" Jax yells, walking out the back door. They all turn to look at him. He's looking at them with a confused look and he raises a bottle and wiggles it. Tara smirks over her shoulder at the girls.

"Sorry. Jax wants me." Tara deliberately emphasizes her words then saunters back towards him.

"Is everything ok?" He asks her worriedly and she takes the drink from him, taking a long pull and finding that she likes how the world spins when she does. "I know those girls, they're usually being bitchy, I can-"

"Jax." She cuts him off. "I handled it. You're not the only one who knows how to end fights. I just do it differently." She takes another drink and he watches with admiration.

"Well, if you like, we can go inside if they're bothering you." He offers and she smiles, leaning into him.

"Yeah, I would like that." She agrees, looking up at him and he smiles slowly, wrapping an arm around her waist. As he guides her back inside, she glances once more at the stunned girls, a smug smile.

"Hey man!" Jax greets a tall, bearded man, who nods and does a complicated little handshake with Jax.

"Jax Teller, how you been?" He asks, in a low gravelly voice.

"Can't complain." Jax says with a shrug. The man's eyes briefly flick to Tara and he looks back to Jax with raised eyebrows. "This is Tara." Jax says and his tone has a note of finality in it. "I'll talk to you later." With a nod, Jax leads her towards the couch. He kicks a couple guys off it then pulls Tara down next to him with a huff.

"Do you know every single person that's here?" She asks, looking around at the strange mix of high school kids and older people, mingling over beer and mixed drinks.

"Mostly, yeah." Jax watches as a couple slides past them towards the bedroom, giggling. "I don't think I know you though." He looks down at her and she raises a wicked eyebrow, taking another drink.

"What do you want to know?" She asks casually, tossing her legs over his lap and snuggling into the corner of the couch.

"Why'd you read my essay?" He asks and she shrugs.

"I wanted a good grade."

"You could've read any of the essays she kept."

"Yours was the most recent."

"It wasn't the best."

"It was the most interesting."

"So you think I'm interesting." Jax proclaims in victory and Tara narrows her eyes, backed into a corner.

"Yes, but because in that moment you weren't Jax Teller, you were just a kid trying to figure it out." She mutters and Jax doesn't fight her but rather settles in, watching as she sips on her bottle. "You weren't trying to be cool or tough or whatever. You just really wanted to explore yourself and most teenage guys don't do that, let alone the crown prince of bikers."

"Yeah, well, I'm not like normal guys." Jax hides his amusement with her behind his beer can.

"Was it before your dad died?" Tara's question, however lightly it's phased, makes Jax jump and clamp his mouth shut automatically. She just watching him, head tilted to one side slightly, olive eyes wide and innocent.

"Yes." The answer escapes from between clenched teeth.

"Then you're a different man than the one that wrote that essay." She tells him and there's no judgment in her tone, just a stated matter of fact.

"Is that for the better or worse?" Jax mutters, picking at the loose threads on the couch.

"I don't know Jax Teller, you'll have to tell me." She leans forward, into his personal space and the hairs on his arms stand up.

"Tell you what?" He asks, acutely aware of how she's got her toes buried beneath his butt and one hand on his knee.

"Everything." She whispers and he watches her mouth as she puckers her lips and takes another sip of Zima. He blinks a couple times, shaking his head, trying to get the ideas of what those lips can do out of his mind.

"C'mon then." He stands up and offers her his hand. She looks at it and then at him, forehead creasing in confusion. "I have something to show you."

 **AN:** This chapter is dedicated to my mother, the lover of Zima. (it got discontinued and she was devastated.) But! Drunk Tara! Scheming Donna! Protective Jax! Honest Opie! Reviews!


	16. Long Game

"I'm tired." Donna whispers in Opie's ear.

"Is that so?" He mutters back, finishing off his beer and looking down at her. She smiles and tangles her fingers up in his hair.

"Take me to bed, Op." She kisses his cheek and chuckling, he gives her a quick squeeze before taking her hand.

"I think Jax might be in there." Someone calls when Opie's hand hovers over the door handle to one bedroom. Donna looks at him in alarm.

"Where's Tara?" She asks under her breath.

"I don't know." Opie hushes her and slowly pushes the door open. Both of them have enough time to see Jax and Tara both asleep on the bed, Tara curled into Jax's side and his arm protectively slung around her small form. Donna gasps and Opie clasps his hand over her mouth, pulling the door shut as quietly as he can.

"Opie!" Donna says shrilly from behind his hand.

"I know, I know, shut up, shut up." He says, dragging her into the other bedroom. "Out!" He commands the couple on the bed and Donna ignores the girl pulling her shirt back on, staring at Opie in amazement.

"Was that…"

"Jax and Tara in bed together? Yes."

"And were they…"

"Cuddling, fully clothed? Yes."

"And does that mean…"

"That they're in a relationship and they're going to live happily ever after? Now you're getting ahead of yourself." Opie smiles at her fondly as Donna paces back and forth, an almost maniacal glint in her eye.

"Oh, this is good. This is very good." She mutters and Opie has a sudden throwback to the cartoons he and Jax used to watch on Saturday mornings where the villain plots.

"You're a little scary, do you know that?" He informs her. She ignores him, continuing her pacing.

"It's a good thing because they didn't hook up, which means Tara will trust him. But it's a bad thing because will Jax keep interest? We have to make sure that Jax keeps interest but how are we going to do that? That's the next plan of action. What are your ideas?" She demands and Opie pulls his socks off.

"We could make out, cuddle, and talk about things other than our best friends." He suggests.

"No, we need a plan of attack." Donna claps her hands. "What are we going to do now?"

"Sleep. Snuggle. Maybe you could do that thing I like with-"

"We have to make sure when they wake up in the morning with sunshine and daisies and unicorns. They have to be in love." Donna squares off and Opie sighs, fluffing his pillow.

"Then we'll make them breakfast in bed and sprinkle them in rose petals." He grumbles.

"Really? You don't think that's overkill?" Donna asks, tilting her head and Opie throws his hands up.

"Donna! I swear to god, get in bed now! Quit talking about this. We are not going to do anything for Jax and Tara!" She opens her mouth and he holds up a finger to quiet her. "Bed woman!"

"Fine." She disgruntledly pulls on Opie's tee shirt and crawls into bed. He opens his arms so that she can rest on his chest.

"Now let's just go to sleep and forget that this ever happened." Opie suggests, closing his eyes peacefully.

"But what if they-"

"Donna!"

"Ok, goodnight."

* * *

Jax opens his eyes, surprised at a number of things. The first is that he's lacking the splitting headache he usually has after nights at the cabin. In fact, he feels good, if only a little thirsty. The second is that he's tucked into a warm, comfy bed rather than the typical couch or floor. The third is that he remembers a lot of the night- Tara on the back of his bike, Tara on the porch, Tara on the couch, and Tara in bed. Tara.

Gently, he turns his head to find Tara. She's asleep, nuzzled with a pillow clasped to her chest and hair fanned around her head. He smiles slightly, watching her chest as it rises and falls evenly. Of all the strange things from this morning, the fact that he just wants to stay here and watch her sleep might be the strangest. Gingerly, to avoid waking her up, he crawls out of bed.

"Hello Jax." He jumps at the sight of Donna sitting outside the door, arms crossed, as though she was expecting him.

"Donna." He says warily. Opie, cleaning the kitchen, grins.

"How'd you sleep?" Donna asks innocently and Jax checks with Opie, panicked, before answering honestly,

"Just fine."

"And Tara, how's she?" Donna presses.

"She's still asleep." Jax tells her and tries to go to the kitchen to get water. Donna sticks out her arm and stops him.

"How drunk did you get her?" She asks and Jax looks at her, affronted.

"It wasn't like I got her trashed to get her in bed with me! Why does everyone think I'm that kind of guy?" Jax demands and Opie shrugs, tying off one garbage bag and setting it beside the door.

"Cause you've proven that." Donna says dryly.

"Well it wasn't like I got her just plastered and then did anything. Jesus Christ, we didn't even kiss!" He says hotly and Donna frowns.

"Wait, what did you do then?" She asks and Jax shrugs, running a hand through his hair.

"We talked. A lot. About stuff." He says evasively and Opie frowns but Donna doesn't appear to notice anything.

"Well all of the girls are talking." Donna says smugly.

"About?" Jax asks, alarmed.

"The fact that the elusive Jax Teller came to a party with one girl and was with her the entire night. It's an unheard of event." Donna teases.

"C'mon Jax, let's go check outside." Opie calls before Jax can start asking questions. In a daze, Jax follows. As the back door slams shut, the bedroom door opens and Tara wanders out, squinting at the light, hair sticking up in every direction, still half asleep.

"What happened?" She mutters and Donna beams at her.

"You slept with Jax." She says excitedly.

"I did what?" Tara yelps and Donna puts her hands up.

"No, no! Not like that! I mean like you fell asleep together, in the bedroom. It was very cute." She reassures her and Tara slumps, rubbing her forehead. "You guys didn't do anything like that, at least that's what Jax says."

"Oh, what Jax says, that's reassuring." Tara says bitingly and Donna quirks her head, watching as Tara tries to comb through the tangle of her hair with her fingers, flinching.

"Why do you sound pissed?" She asks and Tara takes a deep breath, rubbing her thin arms.

"This is not me." She says firmly. "Last night, it was a mistake."

"Why do you say that?" Donna asks in concern.

"I am not this girl." Tara repeats, gripping her upper arms tightly. "I'm not the kind of girl who gets drunk and goes to bed with a guy like Jax. I'm just…" She shakes her head, eyes squeezed shut. "I'm disappointed in myself."

"Why?" Donna asks, bewildered. "Why are you disappointed in yourself for being a normal teenager for five minutes? For having fun?"

"Because it's not fun." Tara snaps and Donna is taken aback. "It's not fun to wake up in the morning wondering what you said or did. What are people saying about me Donna? I'm not going to be known as the town slut. I have bigger dreams that Jax Teller's bed."

"Well," Donna bites her lip, unsure if where to go from here. "I didn't see it like that, I don't think anyone saw it like that."

"Hey Tara, how was last night?" A random guy calls, laughing and walking out the front door.

"Yeah, am I next?" Another guy mocks, slamming the door. Their laughter continues, while Tara stares balefully at Donna.

"Ok, that's two assholes. Not everyone in Charming." Donna reminds her and Tara shakes her head, walking back into the bedroom. "Tara!" Donna chases after her, shutting the door.

"I want to go home." Tara says dully, gathering up her purse and staring Donna down.

"Well once Jax is done cleaning, I'm sure he'll give you a ride home." Donna suggests and Tara rolls her eyes, pushing past Donna.

"Cause that's totally going to help matters." She grumbles and Donna catches the strap of her purse to stop her.

"Yesterday you were perfectly happy with the way things were going with Jax. You were happy, period! Now some gossip is going to make you run away?" Donna demands.

"It's not the gossip." Tara pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Then what. What could possibly the reason why you're going to ignore the fact that you and Jax bonded last night?" Donna stands in front of the door so Tara can't ignore the question.

"Because Donna, it's going to spiral into a relationship or something and there's only to outcomes." Tara holds up a finger. "One, I'm going to forget everything I want and let his life become mine until I'm one of those leather-wearing ladies on the back of bikes. Or two," She holds up another finger. "He's going to break my heart and distract me. Either way, I lose my dream."

"Why do you have to lose your dream?" Donna asks urgently. "Why can't you have Jax and your dream?"

"Because me being a doctor and me being in love with Jax Teller do no go hand in hand." Tara pushes Donna aside.

"Where are you going?" Donna questions her. Tara sets her shoulders with a deep breath.

"I'm going home. I'll walk if I have to." She says determinedly.

"It's miles back into town and you're hung over." Donna says flatly. "You'll throw up ten minutes into it. Let Jax at least give you a ride back."

"No, I'm not going to-"

"Shut up Tara." Donna cuts her off. Tara stares at her in surprise. "I get that you're going to fight this until you're blue in the face but if you just promise to let Jax drive you home, I promise to drop this whole thing."

"The whole thing?" Tara squints.

"The Jax thing." Donna clarifies. "If you really don't want him after seeing how great you guys are last night, then there's nothing I can do about it. So you might as well get home safely and then I'll zip it and never say another word about it ever again. Pinky swear." She offers her hand to Tara.

"Pinky swear." Tara seals it with her own pinky and they shake.

"I'll get the boys." Donna says, heading towards the door. Tara watches as more girls exit the cabin, casting looks her way and sniggering. It makes her skin crawl and she's just about had it when Jax walks in with a look of concern, heading straight for her.

"Hey, are you ok?" He asks and she looks at him for a second, taking in his furrowed eyebrows above his baby blues, the faint stubble, how large his hands are when they rest of her shoulders. "Donna said you wanted me, is everything ok?"

"I'm fine." She says automatically. "I just want to go home."

"Oh good." He relaxes, smiling at her. "Let me just grab some shit and I'll drop you off, ok?"

"Ok." She sits on the arm of the couch as her disappears.

"Well, you can't say you didn't try." Opie says, kissing the top of Donna's head as she watches them from the kitchen.

"Oh, no, this is going to plan." She says, unconcerned and Opie stops, turning to look at her. "It's all about the long game Op." She explains.

"I'm taking Tara home." Jax calls to Opie.

"Sounds good, I'll talk to you later!" Donna says cheerily. Tara gives an unsure wave and follows Jax out.

"Sometimes you really worry me." Opie states and Donna just tosses an empty beer can into the trash.

"How's your head?" Jax asks her and Tara buckles the helmet.

"Fine." She says shortly and Jax doesn't press the matter further, just gets on the bike and helps her on behind him. He roars through town and Tara holds tightly to him, trying to stop the pounding in her head.

"Well, here you are." Jax says, cutting the engine in her driveway. Tara gets off and hands him back the helmet.

"Thank you." She says quietly, turning and heading towards her house.

"Tara, wait!" He calls and she turns, staying where she is, moving from side to side. "I had a good time last night." He admits and she smiles, tucking her windblown hair behind her ear.

"I did too." She says and it's an honest truth. She did have fun but her heart is telling her the other truth. So she raises her hand in a wave and turns away from Jax Teller and his motorcycle.

 **AN:** Oh, if you guys thought it was that easy... I think Tara would've really struggled to begin with, trying to balance her feelings for Jax with her preparation for her future. So much more to come. Side note, a special SO to everyone that remembers Zima! Hilarious. Leave me a review pretty please!


	17. Hot Chocolate

"And it's not even that big of a deal anyway." Jax is saying. Opie, beside him at the picnic table, puts his head down on his arms. "It's not like it was important anyways. I don't care."

"Is he going to shut up?" Donna asks Opie quietly in his ear.

"No." He says flatly.

"Well I mean it's a good start." She says thoughtfully and he looks blankly at her. "What do guys find most attractive in a girl?"

"Well some guys are ass guys, some guys are tit guys, because we're a very diverse gender." He tells her and she smacks him.

"Guys want what they can't have!" She hisses, watching as Jax gets up and stumbles towards a bunch of blondes.

"I don't know, I think I can see what Jax wants and what he's going to have." Opie observes as Jax throws his arms around two girls.

"Sure, they're in his bed but Tara is in his head." She says sagely and Opie takes a deep drink of beer.

"You're absolutely crazy. Gorgeous but crazy." He shakes his head. Giggling, Donna kisses his cheek.

"C'mon crabby, let's go for a walk."

Jax watches as Opie follows a skipping Donna away from the fire and party. The noise is muted for him, the edges of the world slipping into blurriness as he tries to get himself drunker and drunker. The girls around him are laughing shrilly and he just wants to bury his head.

At least then maybe Tara would stop running through his mind. How she smiled so innocently before taking his alcohol. The way she stuck her toes under his butt to keep them warm. His name on her lips, her eyes sparkling, her body pressed against his. With a frustrated groan, he pushes the heels of his palms into his eyes until colors form a kaleidoscope on his eyelids.

"What's wrong?" One girl asks and he can feel nails scratching his arm gently. He shakes her off.

"I'm fine." He says gruffly. He opens his eyes and can see Opie and Donna, Opie holding her closely. He gets up and walks away from the fire, ignoring everyone that calls him back. He gets on the bike and hopes that the wind in his face will sober him up. The ride doesn't last long- he knows better than to test the limits of Charming police, even if Unser holds a soft spot for him.

"Jax?" Gemma calls as he walks in the front door. "Are you back already?" She appears, in her pajamas, frowning.

"Hey." He mutters, avoiding her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing back so soon?" She asks worriedly.

"I think you're the only mom that questions it when her kid comes back early." He comments and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm the only mom that has to raise a shithead like you so get talking. You're never back on nights like this." She tells him.

"I didn't feel like partying ok? Is that a crime now? Should I go back and get wasted mom?" He asks sarcastically.

"What's her name?" Gemma urges and Jax looks at her in surprise. "Jackson, I'm not an idiot. What's her name?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He tries to brush past her but fails. "Can I go to bed?"

"Tell me her name." Gemma orders. "Is it that blonde? What was her name, Ashley? Or the one with the funny teeth- Emily?"

"No mom." He says, exasperated.

"Well what other sluts have you been running around with?" Gemma muses aloud and Jax groans.

"She's not a slut." He tells her, a hint of a smile on his face.

"Then what the hell are you doing with her?" Gemma goads and Jax just kisses her forehead.

"Goodnight mother." He wanders off into his room. Frowning, Gemma heads back to hers and climbs into bed.

"What time is it?" Clay mutters, slinging an arm around her waist.

"Don't worry, it was just Jax getting home." Gemma reassures him and seconds later, he's fallen back asleep. Gemma, however, stays up to fret over what girl has so twisted Jax's heart that he's coming home before curfew for her.

* * *

Tara looks around her spotless house, a little bit of pride warming her heart. It quickly flames out as she checks the clock and realizes that it won't last much longer. Soon her father will be home and ruin everything.

"Why are you like this?" She demands of the portrait on the wall. It's her and her parents back when she was a toddler, hanging onto both her parents' fingers while they grin at her. It's cute, candid, and completely irrelevant. That happiness will never be attainable again.

She's furiously angry, trying to resist the urge to destroy everything around her. She takes a deep, shaky breath and knows she needs to run or her chest with burst into a million pieces. She bursts through the backdoor and into the cool summer air. She doesn't know where she's going, she just has to go.

Her house isn't that far from the cemetery and she can't help that her feet start to wander that way. She gulps down the fresh air, hoping that it'll sooth the burning in her chest. She knows the way to her mother's grave and slumps against it, pulling her knees to her chest.

She just has to breathe. She has to remind herself to breathe, in and out. That's what the therapists told her all those times her grandma and aunts dragged her there, before they returned home and her father slipped into drinking and blacking out the days of her appointments.

She still remembers vividly why she got sent to those offices, with their bright colors and scrawled pictures. Her grandmother had been so worried that the death of her mother would traumatize her, she sought out the advice of every child psychologist to make sure that Tara was still happy.

She shouldn't have been worried about Tara's mother; she should've been worried about Tara's father. Losing her mother had been hard, but she would've understood death and sickness and got comfort from her mother being in a better place. But her father was the one to change her.

Made her fear his return every night. Made her hate alcohol and the stench of it on a man's breath. Made her jaded and rough and hurt. Made her refuse to trust people, to let them in, let them love her. Made her a scared little girl, even when she tried to grow.

She stays against her mother's stone for what seems like hours. Once she starts shivering, she gets up. She takes the long way though the gravestones, hoping that by the time she gets home, her father will be passed out in a chair somewhere and won't notice she's gone. She wanders through the white headstones of the veterans by habit.

She stops when she sees a grave that hasn't entirely settled. A glance to the name on the stone makes her stop in her tracks. John Teller. The plain cross, the reaper emblem in the corner, his rank, his birth and death, and a quote. She pauses to read it.

"We fight because we believe." She says aloud. She wonders what the quote meant to John. She wonders what it means to Jax. She stops hersef before she can think about the endlessly confusing Jax Teller, with his broken family, brooding looks, and bright eyes. She wraps her arms around herself tightly and with as much resolution as she can muster, heads for home.

She sneaks in the back door, trying to be quiet. The kitchen is still intact, her floors still spotless from the scrubbing earlier. The countertops are still neatly organized, her father's collection of newspapers, magazines, and trash in the garbage. Carefully, she sneaks into the living room.

"Tara." Her father's voice makes her jump and she swallows the fear down, taking a deep breath.

"Dad."

"Where the fuck were you?" He demands.

"Um, I was-"

"Were you with that Jax Teller?"

"What? No!" She protests instantly. "I just, I went for a walk."

"A walk." He snorts, drinking from the bottle next to the chair. "A walk, my ass. Where were you?"

"I went to visit mom." She tells him bluntly and he nearly drops the bottle. "I went to go talk to her, ok? I'm not with Jax, I've never been with Jax." The lie burns in her throat.

"Why are you going to see your mother?" His anger about Jax hasn't dissipated but has rather transferred to her mother. "She's dead, she's gone, and she is never coming back."

"I know!" Tara says loudly, struggling to hold back her tears. "Don't you think I know that? But god, I just wanted to feel like I had a parent again!"

"Why did you say?" He hisses, squinting at her. She stands firm, glaring at him with hatred.

"You're not a father, not with that damn bottle in your hand." Her words are like poison. "I am raising myself, so you don't get to ask where I've been or who I'm with. Not until you decide to be a father."

"I am your father!" He roars.

"No you're not." Tara spits. "If you died today, I wouldn't miss you. I wouldn't mourn you." She thinks of Jax, destroyed and angry over his father's death. Would she be broken or thrilled?

"You get the fuck out of my house!" He orders, standing up on unsteady feet. "Get out!"

"Gladly." With that she turns on her heel and is sure to slam the door extra loud on her way out. Her anger drives her with purpose until she's several blocks away and realizes she has no idea what she's going to do. She starts in the general direction of Donna's house, not sure if she'll be welcomed there.

"Tara!" For the second time, the sound of her name makes her stomach flip. She turns and looks. David Hale is standing on the steps of a pretty, brick two-story house, looking at her in amazement.

"Hale?" She asks in shock.

"It's 2:30 in the morning, what the hell are you doing?" He demands and she gestures to him.

"The same thing goes to you." She points out.

"Uh, my dad is sleeping at the office, so I'm taking care of my mom and she uh, bad night. I needed fresh air." He explains. "Why are you wandering the streets of Charming?"

"I, uh, was on my way to Donna's." She says lamely. She looks around and notices that she has taken the route through the nicer parts of Charming on the way to Donna's.

"It's the middle of the night?" He says, his eyebrows furrowing. She gives a helpless little shrug.

"My dad uh, he can't really, drive." She shuffles her feet, aware that she's dressed in raggedy shorts and an old tee shirt. Hale watches her for a long moment then sighs and shakes his head.

"Do you want to come inside for a little bit?" He offers and she eyes him with distrust. "I mean, I just, I don't think you should be out here at this time of the night. We can call Donna."

"She won't answer." Tara mutters.

"What… What is going on?" He asks slowly and she rubs her tired eyes. "Please come inside."

"No I'm sorry, I don't need any help." She says firmly, taking a couple steps backwards.

"I know. I'm not offering help, just a warm couch and some hot chocolate. If you want any." He gives her a shy grin and she softens a little.

"Ok." She follows him up the steps and through the door, into a pretty entry with a large blue vase, through to a large kitchen. Unsurely she sits on a stool at the island in the middle as Hale busies himself with mugs.

"So do you want to tell me what's going on or should we just assume that your walks through my neighborhood in the early hours of the morning are perfectly normal?" He asks her calmly.

"Do I have to?" She retorts and she doesn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it does. He doesn't say anything, just puts the mug in the microwave. "I'm sorry, I just, it's a bit of a sore subject."

"I won't push you." He states and she narrows her eyes slightly. "I mean, I'm curious and concerned but that's just me."

"My dad drinks." She says flatly. "A lot. And some nights you just have to run away. Tonight was that kind of night."

"Well ok." He lets them sit in silence for a while before the microwave dings. He finishes making them hot chocolate. "Whipped cream?"

"Yes please quietly." She takes the hot mug from him, taking a sip, careful not to burn her tongue.

"You know," He says when they've reached the last dregs. "I have a couch you could sleep on. It's better than trying to figure out how to walk all the way to Donna's. You can do that in the morning."

"I don't need your charity." She says, pushing the mug towards him.

"Then see this more as one friend making sure the other doesn't get kidnapped while they walk around town." He offers and she frowns at him. "My dad isn't coming home and my brother is with friends. Blankets are under the coffee table. I'll be upstairs."

"How can I-"

"Tara, please get some sleep. You look like you could use it." He puts their mugs in the sink.

"Am I just going to sleep on the couch like this isn't weird and insane?" She folds her arms.

"Sure. But Charming is weird and insane. Just trying to help you out." With that he walks into the living room. He shows her the blankets, a pillow, and the couch, then gives her a little nod and walks out.

"What the actual hell am I doing?" She asks herself aloud as she shuts the lights off and tries to fall asleep on Hale's couch.

 **AN:** I know I'm a day late on my update! I know everyone is going to yell! Tara being helped by Hale! Yell away in reviews, I promise there's a big surprise coming...


	18. Beach Days

It's not even light out when she opens her eyes. The sky is showing it's false dawn, the weak hazy light that will become hot and intense as the sun rises higher. Her mouth is dry, she already has a dull, pounding headache, and there's a strange kink in her neck from the angle of the pillow.

She sits up and gently rolls her neck, trying to get it to release. After a couple tries, she realizes how futile it is and sighs, rubbing her tired eyes. Then she gets up and carefully folds the blanket, setting her pillow on top of it. Then she slips outside the front door.

The air is brisk enough to make his cheeks sting. She draws her arms around herself and sets off for home. She knows there is no way she could face Donna now and try to explain herself as to where she was for the night. If there's one thing she's certain of, it's that facing her drunken father would be a lot worse than telling Donna she slept at Hale's.

Her house is still intact when she finally arrives back, which is a good sign. She takes the key out from under the mat and gently unlocks the door, cautiously opening it and peering inside. Cushions and pillows are strewn around. Dishes are piled in the sink. Pictures have been yanked to the floor and chairs are overturned. But there aren't holes in the walls and her father is nowhere to be found, so it's not all that bad.

As she rights chairs, rehangs paintings, and sweeps the floor clean, she feels the overwhelming anger rising back up again. Why can't she just be normal? Why is she stuck with the drunken, awful father who destroys their home in his rage? Why can't she be like every other kid?

She takes a deep breath and sets the rag on the table, looking over the living room. Even her straightening up can't mask the fact that the neglected living room is fast approaching a state of disrepair. The walls need to be repainted, the cushions on the sofa are sagging, and the carpets are filthy with things no vacuum could get out. Wearily, she walks to her room.

She collapses on her bed, curling her body around a pillow. Her eyes have barely flickered shut when the phone rings. She springs up and runs for it, hoping that the noise won't wake her father. She snatches it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Tara!" Donna's voice is far more cheerful than what it should be for the early morning.

"Donna." Tara blinks in surprise. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just wondering what you're doing today?"

"Um, cleaning." Tara says, closing her eyes and rubbing them tiredly.

"You're always cleaning." Donna says and Tara bites back her retort that she's the unlucky one having her father. "Do you want to go to the beach with me this afternoon?"

"Does this mean you've forgiven me for the Jax thing or is he going to be there?" Tara asks warily.

"Jax won't be there." Donna says with amusement. "I just want a girls day. I miss talking to you!"

"And you can't talk to Op?" The remark comes out a little harsher than Tara had anticipated.

"No." Donna's tone is just a little bit hurt but she recovers easily. "He isn't half as much fun as you. Plus you're cuter in a bathing suit and all the cute guys will flock to you."

"I don't even have a cute suit." Tara grumbles.

"Well if you had bigger boobs you could fit into one of mine." Donna teases easily. "I'll pick you up and we can go to lunch before we go."

"Who's driving us?" Tara asks carefully.

"Oh! Opie will drop us off." Donna says. "He can take Piney's truck."

"Smooth." Tara says wryly. "You're with him right now, aren't you?"

"That's neither here nor there." Donna says breezily. "Pick a suit and we'll come get you."

"Goodbye Donna." Tara hangs up and goes back to fall into her bed to try and sleep away some of the bags beneath her eyes.

"Tara!" Donna's yells startled her up and out of bed. "Where are you? T, are you ready?"

"Bedroom!" Tara calls, scrambling to pull her swimsuit out of the dresser and pull on a cover up.

"Were you sleeping?" Donna narrows her eyes and watches as Tara hobbles on one leg, trying to pull bottoms on.

"Just a quick nap." Tara bluffs, turning so Donna can tie her suit.

"Why are you so tired?" Donna says quietly, her fingers lightly grazing over Tara's back.

"No reason." Tara tries and fails to sound dismissive, shrugging and grabbing a towel.

"I think this might be the reason." Donna glances over her shoulder to the house that still shows the marks of her father's anger.

"It's nothing." Tara pushes past her. "Let's get burgers for lunch."

Opie drops them off at the fast-food place beside the beach with a kiss to Donna's head and a wave to Tara. They ordered their food and carry the paper bags to a little picnic table with a faded umbrella overhead. Tara dips her fries in ketchup and enjoys the sun warming her back.

"Wanna talk about it?" Donna's tone is so causal that she could be asking Tara to get her a diet coke.

"About what?" Tara strives to keep her voice just as level.

"Why your house looks like a tornado with fists tore through there." Donna points using a ketchup covered fry. "Something happened."

"The same thing that always happens." Tara says with annoyance, her anger rising up. "He came home drunk, he lost his temper, so I left!"

"Where'd you go?" Donna asks with concern and Tara clamps her mouth shut, pretending to be looking for the best fry.

"The cemetery to see my mom." She admits quietly.

"Oh Tara." Donna reaches across and puts her hand over Tara's. "I'm so sorry. You could've came to my house."

"I know." Tara doesn't divulge her plan that went slightly wayward. "I just didn't want to bother you."

"You never bother me!" Donna says warmly. "I like you too much for that. Best friends don't bother best friends. C'mon, let's go lay out." She gathers up Tara's garbage and tosses it.

"Where do we go?" Tara asks, holding her towel and looking around at the crowd uncertainly. Donna takes her hand and struts past a group of boys confidently before smoothing her towel on the sand.

"Right here." She says happily. Tara glances over her shoulder at the boys they'd passed.

"What would Op say?" She asks curiously and Donna cracks an eye.

"Why does it matter?" She points out.

"Nothing, I just figured he wouldn't appreciate you being ogled over by all these guys." Tara explains and Donna grins.

"I like to remind him that I could walk away in the blink of an eye." She grins when a boy walking past them makes a clear effort to flex.

"And you're not scared he's going to kill them?" Tara raises an eyebrow.

"Tara, it's not like that. He's protective sure, but he's also proud of me. Besides, I'll never leave him." She relaxes back down, soaking up the sun.

"How can you be so sure?" Tara asks skeptically.

"Because as cute as other guys are, I know I'd always pick him over them. And isn't that love?" Tara lays back to think on Donna's words.

"I don't know, I don't know what love is." She plays with the frayed edge of her beach towel.

"Well, I don't either." Donna says breezily. "It's not like we have good role models to go off of. But we're young. We figure it out."

"And you think you figured it out?" Tara asks skeptically.

"No!" Donna bubbles with good-natured laughter. "Tara, we're teenagers! Why do you need so many answers and plans and backup plans and background information? Can't you ever just do something on a whim and be happy with spontaneity?"

"No." Tara says flatly. "I need the plans."

"I know." Donna looks at her fondly. "Which is why I love you. You probably have a plan for when the world ends."

"Only if we go by fire." Tara mutters and Donna smiles.

"There's my girl. Now c'mon, let's get some sun." Donna flips her sunglasses back onto her face.

* * *

"Hey, where were you?" Jax asks Opie as he walks into the kitchen.

"Dropped Donna off at the beach." He mutters. Jax slowly puts down his sandwich, eyebrows furrowed.

"You just dropped your girlfriend off on the beach by herself?" He asks in surprise and Opie just opens the fridge for a pop.

"No, she was with Tara." With a little shrug, Opie goes and sits on the couch. Jax follows him, stunned but trying to cover it.

"Oh, so you saw Tara." Jax fights to keep his tone as normal as possible. "How was she?"

"You know…" Opie broods for a minute then turns to Jax. "How much do you know about Tara's dad?"

"A little." Jax says slowly. "Some stuff she's told me, some stuff I've heard, not a lot of it good. Why?"

"I went into her house while the girls were changing. It looked like hell Jax. Like the guys at the club went through there. But just one guy. It was… It was crazy. And Tara, she's just living in it." He looks at Jax with wide eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Jax, the place was torn up. Like he'd gone through it with a chainsaw or an axe or some shit." Jax's heart begins to start thumping painfully hard in his chest, the familiar tattoo of his growing anger. "I can't believe Tara lives through that and just cleans it up in the morning."

"She what?" Jax demands.

"Yeah, Donna says that half the time she wants to do something with Tara, she can't because Tara has to clean up the house. Donna's never sleeps over there because of how embarrassed Tara is." Opie takes a drink.

"So Tara has to deal with her drunk father every night?" The idea of Tara cowering in a corner as her father roars drunkenly tears the place apart makes Jax's head start to hurt.

"From the sound of it, yeah." Opie quietly watches TV.

"Why don't we do something?" Jax gets up and begins to pace. "We should do something. Opie, there has to be something we can do. Tara, she's… She's better than that. She deserves better than that!"

"I'm not saying she doesn't." Opie says calmly. "But what is it you exactly plan on doing?"

"Something!" Jax agitatedly runs his hands through his hair. "Opie, I mean, I know our parents are shit at stuff. But we never have to worry about if we're gonna be safe falling asleep at night. Tara shouldn't be either!"

"So what, you're going to do some knight in shining armor shit and rush in there to save her?" Opie watches as Jax goes back and forth.

"No. That's stupid." Jax says firmly. "I just think we should, I don't know, do something."

"Like offering her the dorm at the club? Or my couch? Or your bed?" Opie lists off and Jax glances at him with a frown.

"I don't know Op but something." Jax flops down in the chair and folds his arms, thinking deeply. Opie let's him think, watching TV. When the sun starts to get lower, he stands up.

"Wanna get the girls with me then?" He asks and Jax unsurely rubs his knuckles, grimacing.

"Do you think she'll want to see me?"

"I don't see why she wouldn't." Opie says diplomatically.

"Because she hasn't said a word to me since the party on the fourth?" Jax's tone is biting.

"When have you given her a chance to?" Opie raises an eyebrow. "Just stop overthinking shit and come to get them."

"Fine." Jax huffs.

"We'll take the bikes." Opie says, grinning and that manages to put a smile on Jax's face.

"And that's how she ended up on top of the roof at 3 am with a bottle of vodka and a book of cereal." Donna says and Tara laughs.

"How do you even survive these parties?" She wonders and Donna shrugs, hiking her bag onto her shoulder.

"With a whole lot of…" She trails off as the sound of bikes rumbles onto the beach. As if on cue, both girls stand, looking down the street with frowns.

"Donna…" Tara says warningly.

"I didn't tell him to bring Jax!" She says instantly. "I had no idea Jax was coming and on bikes."

"Hey." Jax says cooly, parking the bike in front of her. Tara stops staring daggers into Donna's skull to glance at him. "Need a ride?"

"Why didn't you bring the truck?" Tara calls to Opie instead of answering Jax. Opie stops kissing Donna to look at her.

"He needs to be taken outside every couple hours or he has too much energy at the end of night." He says innocently and Jax unleashes a string of threats and curses at him.

"Well I just need a ride home." Tara says shortly. Jax takes her stuff then helps her onto the bike.

"I'll call you!" Donna yells before squealing as Opie takes off.

"I'm gonna kill her." Tara mutters under her breathe then grips Jax's leather jacket and hides from the wind behind his shoulders.

"Hey." Jax catches her hand as he stops the bike in her driveway. She glances back at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" She asks warily.

"Are things ok at home?" His eyes flicker towards the house. "You know, with your dad?"

"Donna told you." Tara says in disbelief.

"She told Op. Op told me." Jax describes, a little sheepishly.

"I'm fine." Tara says harshly. "I don't need your pity."

"You think I pity you?" Jax asks in surprise.

"Everyone does." Tara's face is stone, her glare fierce.

"You really think that me, with my fucked up family, pities you?" Jax gives a bark of laughter. "Tara, I just wanted to check on you."

"I don't need a guardian angel." Tara says quietly. "I don't need you protecting me. I'm fine. I can do it on my own."

"I just thought it would be nice to offer you some support. A friend. Things are bad, come to my house." Jax strives to make the offer casual, like he hasn't been thinking about it since Opie told him.

"No, it's fine." Tara thinks of the spinning night sky, the scratchy woolen blanket in the cabin bedroom, the lack of control as she watched Jax. Her dreams, sliding out the window. The daughter of an alcoholic shouldn't put herself at such risk. "I actually already have someone that helps me."

"Donna can't always be there." Jax reminds her. "And besides, a guy could actually help you, you know, if he's ever violent."

"Good thing that Hale's a pretty big guy." Tara doesn't stay long enough to see the hurt, betrayal, and anger in Jax's eyes.

 **AN:** Woof, more Hale... Don't worry, his time is coming to an end. Sorry for no update last week, I was in the middle of a river! Forgive me and leave me reviews? Thank you!


	19. Friday Football

"And I just think that if we you know, had some time away, it would be really beneficial." Opie mutters into Donna's lips and she laughs, throwing her head back before smiling coyly at him.

"We're teenagers Op, what could we possibly need time away from?" She questions, playing with the scruff on his chin. Just then, the door bursts open and Jax storms through the living room. He kicks the shoe rack by the door, upends the barstools, and knocks the bottles off the counter before slamming the backdoor, leaving Donna stunned in his wake.

"That." Opie says dryly then gently lifts Donna off his lap and following Jax out the backdoor. Donna trails after him. Jax is punching the wooden fence behind the house with pure rage.

"Jax, stop, you'll hurt yourself!" Donna cries. He turns, hair wild and eyes fierce. Opie instantly puts himself between his girlfriend and best friend.

"You." Jax growls, pointing to her. "You did this."

"Did what?" Donna asks, bewildered.

"Tara," He spits the word out. "Said that she doesn't need my help because David Hale is there for her."

"What?" Donna covers her mouth in surprise.

"So all your bullshit, your 'she likes you, make it work, try' was fucking wrong Donna, it was so fucking wrong!" He runs his hands through his hair and it accentuates the madness in his eyes.

"Jax, I didn't know." She says instantly. "I thought- I still think! That Tara really likes you, she just… Her dad."

"Her dad." Jax mocks. "Her dad, he's an awful guy, he's a drunk, he hurt her, she can't trust anyone. It doesn't matter, she's got Hale to whisk her away from him and all his shit!"

"Jax, I just think she's scared." Donna reaches out a hand and Jax turns away from her spitefully.

"I think you're a fucking moron for thinking that." He says harshly and Donna draws back, stunned.

"Hey." Opie intervenes. "Don't call her names."

"Well!" Jax walks away from them, muttering and cursing under his breath. Donna glances up at Opie but he's watching Jax, concerned.

"Jax," She says hesitantly. "Don't you think that the fact that you're reacting this strongly means that you'll like her?"

"No, Donna!" He yells, spinning around to face them. "I don't! Stop fucking with my life!"

"Ok, enough." Opie walks up to Jax and grabs his shoulder, steering him back into the house and talking to him quietly. Donna stays outside for a long second, trying to absorb everything that happened then follows the boys inside. Opie has Jax in his room, so she snatches the phone.

"Tara, it's Donna." She says when the line picks up.

"Hi." Tara sounds so breezy that Donna almost hates what's going to happen next but she plunges on.

"Is there something you want to tell me about?" She asks icily and there's a pause where she imagines Tara's confused face.

"Um, I don't think so. What's up?" Tara's tone is quickly slipping from cheerful to worried.

"Does it maybe have to do with a certain football player?" Donna drums her fingers on the counter.

"I don't follow."

"Hale, Tara, David Hale! What the hell is going on with you?" She demands and the line is quiet for so long she checks to see if Tara has hung up on her then waits impatiently.

"It's nothing Donna, it was one time." She says quietly.

"One time what Tara? You slept with him one time? You kissed him one time? You chose to be his wife one time?"

"Donna! Would you please calm down for two minutes?" Tara orders and Donna grudgingly closes her mouth. "It was that night my dad got really angry. I was walking to your house and I went past Hale's. He offered to let me sleep there. Nothing else Donna."

"You slept where?" Donna shrieks.

"Donna I had no choice!"

"You always have a choice." Donna says quietly, disappointment sinking in her stomach. "You could've said no, you could've came to my house, called Jax, anything!"

"Donna, why don't you get it that I don't want Jax! He's just like my dad. History would be repeating itself." Tara says, sounding like she's on the verge of tears and Donna looks around the kitchen and it's damage, unwilling realizing Tara has a point.

"Fine. I'll let it go." She says quietly.

"No you won't." The anger leaves Tara's voice and she just sounds tired. "Donna, you are so stubborn. Once you've got something in your grasp you don't let it go. And sometimes that for the best, but right now it's really not."

"I just wanted to let you know that Jax is here having a temper tantrum. Because of you and Hale. So just take some time and chew on that, ok? I'll talk to you later Tara." With that, Donna hangs up.

* * *

A week passes, then two. August brings a heat wave so stifling Tara almost debates turning on the air conditioning, even if the cost will be too high for her father to pay it and shut off their electricity for a month. Instead she sits in a cool bath, her hair piled atop her head, reading a medical guide to sutures.

She keeps glancing at the phone, mostly out of habit. Even though the last time Donna called her was two weeks ago, Tara can't shake the routine of their daily afternoon call, Donna mostly to complain about her parents and make sly comments about Jax. She tries to bury herself in her reading to forget about Donna, Jax, Opie, everyone.

Finally, she can't sit in the bath any longer or risk becoming a prune. She sets her book aside and gets out, wrapping herself in a threadbare towel. She wanders back into her room, looking for loose fitting clothes. She's just pulled on shorts when the phone rings. She darts for it.

"Hello?"

"I haven't forgiven you."

"Donna." She tries not to let the relief spill into her voice. "Hi. Um, I know. But I just wanted to-"

"I'm coming over."

"I just- what?"

"I'm coming over." Donna repeats. "Ten minutes. See you then." With that, she hangs up, leaving Tara stunned.

"Ok…" Tara says slowly, putting the phone down. She tidies up her room aimlessly, waiting nervously for Donna. The slam of her front door alerts her that she's arrived and moments later Donna storms into her room.

"I cannot believe them." She states, pacing back and forth. Tara sits on her bed, hands folded in her lap, wide eyed. "I cannot. Why the hell do their problems have to affect me?" She turns on Tara with flashing eyes.

"I don't know?" Tara says slowly.

"My parents want to move." Donna states and Tara is taken aback. "They think that by moving to some Podunk town in the bible belt of Oklahoma, we can reconnect with God as a family."

"Your mom will never stand for that." Tara says automatically, her heart constricting at the idea of her one friend leaving.

"My mom has her hands tied and she knows it. No judge will ever award her custody, not if CPS takes a glance in our recycling bin. My dad is the golden man, the preacher, and the righteous and godly man. My mom knows it's a rock and a hard place." Donna rubs her temples and sinks to the floor.

"So what, you just have to go?" Tara asks unsurely.

"I don't know, I don't know how any of this works." Donna sighs, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Well, we can figure something out." Tara tries to reassure her.

"Tara I am 15 years old." She says bitingly. "How the hell will I ever convince my parents or a judge to let me stay where I am? It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen."

"Donna…"

"Don't, ok." Donna cringes, tilting her head to the side and squeezing her eyes tight. "Don't do the pity thing, I don't need it Tara. You hate when people do it too. Just, don't pity me. I just, I wanted to tell you. I need to tell Op and well," Her voice cracks. "I haven't. I don't know how."

"Oh, stop." Tara slides off her bed and onto the floor, wrapping Donna in a tight hug. "Stop it, he's not going to break up with you."

"Well if I'm not here that slut Emily will be on him in two seconds." She says with a watery smile and Tara grins, rocking her gently.

"Hey, we'll figure this out." She says soothingly and Donna lets herself be comforted for a while longer.

"I still haven't forgiven you." She informs Tara, who smiles wryly.

"I know." She assures her.

"Tara, you should've seen Jax, he was livid." Donna muses. "Like, I don't think I've ever seen him that mad and I've watched him get into fights. But Tara, he was furious."

"He's just mad that for the first time in his life he didn't get what he wanted." Tara says flatly and Donna makes a small noise of disagreement but keeps her mouth shut.

"Well, there's a football game next week. We could always go to that." She offers, leaning out of Tara's arms.

"You want to go to football." Tara says skeptically. "You hate football."

"Well, I'll learn to love it and support you supporting Hale." Donna says stoutly and Tara rolls her eyes.

"You have some sort of plan, don't you?"

"No, you and Jax are on the backburner." Donna reassures her. "My first and only goal now is staying in Charming."

* * *

"I'm just surprised you called." Hale is saying, as he eats his milkshake. Tara gives a halfhearted smile. "Really glad! But just surprised."

"Yeah, well…" Tara trails off, giving a shrug.

"Are you coming to the football game tomorrow?" He asks and she nods, thinking about Donna's plan.

"Yeah, I am." She says quietly.

"I'd love to look up into the stands and see you there." He says with a grin and she manages a weak one back, taking a bite of ice cream instead of responding. When they finish, he walks her out and back towards her house.

"I can walk myself home." She assures him.

"I don't mind." He says, keeping in stride with her and she has no choice but to let him come with.

"Well, this is me." She says awkwardly, gesturing to her house when they finally arrive. He looks at the house and she sees, even as quickly as he conceals it, the judgment that passes.

"Well, I'll see you tonight, ok?" He says and she nods, walking through her yard. Hale waves then shakes his head and quietly curses himself out. She collapses on the couch, groaning. She closes her eyes and dozes off into a fitful sleep in the hot summer again.

She's running through a wide-open field of grass, it slowly getting longer and longer until it's weeds that are pulling her down, intertwining around her ankles until she is tripping and stumbling, desperate to get away from what's behind her. She claws at the earth and dirt, useless and hopeless. The dread rises until-

"Tara!" Donna is shaking her awake, looking at her in concern.

"What?" Tara asks, blinking to clear the confused haze.

"You looked like you were having a nightmare." Donna says, smoothing back Tara's hair and inspecting her face. "Are you ok?"

"Fine." Tara says quietly, unsure how to react to such a mothering touch. "I'm fine Donna."

"Ok." Sensing Tara's hesitation, Donna pulls back and offers her a hand to help her sit up. "Lets get ready, football starts in an hour."

"Is this ok?" Tara asks, turning so Donna can see her jeans and tank top. Donna inspects her then gives an approving nod.

"Yes, you look very, 'I'm dating the captain of the football team' cute." Donna says sweetly.

"I know when you say that you're saying it with a lot of sarcasm and dislike." Tara states.

"No." Donna says, swiping on mascara. "I've switched tactics. You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I'm not going to try and make you drink. Unless you want Zimas." Donna grins at her over her shoulder.

"Why is it I don't trust you with your plotting?" Tara wonders aloud and Donna simply grins, grabbing her purse.

"Because no one ever should. C'mon, football time in Charming town." She offers Tara her hand. They walk to the game, trying to plan how to keep Donna in Charming despite the impending move.

"I mean, just come live with me. My dad won't even notice." Tara says, half joking, half not.

"It's not a bad idea." Donna says contemplatively then there's a loud roar and a truck races past them.

"Jesus Christ." Tara stares, pulling Donna further onto the sidewalk. "Who the fuck was that?" A second that, Jax's blond head appears out a window, yelling and chugging a beer.

"Ah, well." Donna says with slight amusement. "I didn't know he was coming. Opie isn't."

"Where's he?" Tara asks, striving to her mind off Jax.

"His dad isn't doing so hot." Donna says carefully. "So I'll probably go over there after this, just to check."

"Ok." Tara offers her money to the lady and gets a ticket back. She and Donna filter into the stadium with everyone else, joining their classmates on the bleachers. Donna and Tara sit side-by-side, observing everyone around them, quietly talking about it.

Jax is far right of them, standing in the grass, sniggering and smoking cigarettes with a large group of boys. Their use of f-bombs and other foul language earns them dirty looks from the parents around them but Jax doesn't seem to notice. And try as she might, Tara can't take her eyes off him.

She knows, from the amount of yelling around her, that Hale is doing good things on the field. The scoreboard reflects that and she notices that he glances her way when he jogs off the field, but her eyes flick back to Jax. She wants to run her hands through his hair, have his lips grazing her ear when he whispers to her, the feel of his hands on her hips.

How can she fight this, the pull towards him that never ends? The more she sees him the more the voice of reason in the back of her mind that's telling her he's a mistake starts to fade. She wants his eyes on her again, wants that smile, that thoughtful voice. She wants Jax.

"I want Jax." She realizes.

"You want what?" Donna asks, glancing at her. "Cause I'm starving, I could go for a hotdog from concessions."

"I want Jax." She repeats.

"What the hell is a- oh. Oh! Tara!" Donna cries, smacking her arm.

"Ow!" She protests and Donna shamelessly hangs onto her sleeve, gapping at her.

"Say it again." She orders and out of habit, Tara clamps her mouth shut. Donna grins, bouncing up and down. "Say it, say it, say it, say it-"

"I want Jax." She grumbles and Donna squeals, stomping her feet. Their classmates are glancing at them in confusion but Donna doesn't appear to notice.

"What changed?" Donna demands.

"I don't know." Tara says helplessly. "He just…" She gestures to Jax, who's leaning against a light pole broodingly.

"He's hot?" Donna guesses and Tara gives her a look. "Sorry, he is!"

"He's more than hot. I don't know, I just… I've never felt like I did on the fourth. And I've never felt that way since. It was like I was alive." She sums up. "I want to feel that way again."

"Oh Tara." Donna sighs happily. "I knew you'd figure it out. Now you just have to tell Jax!"

"How do I do that?" Tara tenses up in fear. "You already said he was pissed at me."

"Only because he likes you so much!" Donna says dismissively. "He was scared to lose you and he knows it, you just didn't! Now that you both do, things will be perfect." She claps her hands happily.

"Donna, I think perfect for me and Jax might be a bit of an overstatement." Tara says ruefully. Donna just shrugs.

"Just getting both of you to admit you have feelings for each other is close to perfect for me." She says stoutly, then cheers when the teams leave the field for halftime. "Now c'mon, I was serious about the hotdog."

Tara is jumpy throughout the entire second half. She keeps waiting for Jax to look at her, but he stubbornly refuses to even glance towards the bleachers. It could be worse, she reflects. He could have girls draped on him. As is, she's already noticed that several girls have attempted to talk to him but his cold responses have deterred them.

The idea that he was upset and angry about her rejection makes her stomach flip. So he does have feelings for her, deep down, even if he doesn't show it. That knowledge, that she won't get turned down if she does open up to him, makes her feel like she's on a cloud, drifting towards the sun.

"Did we win?" Tara asks jokingly to Donna as the buzzer sounds and everyone in Charming cheers.

"Who cares, you're about to go profess your love for Jax Teller and I am one happy camper." Donna loops their arms, a giddy smile on her face. "Man, wait till I tell Op."

"Speaking of telling Op," Tara says lowly, as they remain seated, waiting for the massive crowd to trickle out. "Have you told him you might have to leave Charming?"

"No." Donna mutters, playing with the threads on her ripped jeans. "There hasn't been a good time, you know? Like I was going to tell him this week, but now his dad is sick and he's so stressed out about that, I would feel awful dumping it on him too."

"Well you need to tell him before you just have to leave." Tara reminds her and she sighs.

"Ok, ok, I will, mom." She mocks and Tara smiles.

"Hey, you mother me, let me mother you." She chides.

"Feel like it's opposite day." Donna mutters but smiles at her. "Now c'mon, I want you to talk to Jax." She leads Tara down the bleachers and towards the clump of guys.

 **AN:** And this, my friends, is called progress! I kinda get whiplash, half of you love the slow burn, half of you hate it. Half of you get why Tara is so hesitant, half of you hate it. And thus, going forward, there will be compromise. Tune into the next chapter, I promise it's going to be even more exciting as this! Leave reviews please!


	20. Protection Orders

"Donna, what are you doing?" Jax demands, stubbornly refusing to look at Tara.

"I'm not staying out of your fucking life. And I'm going to make it better." She says smugly. Tara glances between the two of them, wondering if she's missed something. "Tara wants to talk."

"Well I don't want to hear it." Jax says harshly. The words are like a punch to Tara's gut. The cloud disappears and instead of floating towards the sun, she's plummeting towards the ground.

"Don't be a jerk." Donna snaps, fire brewing in her eyes. "Of course you do."

"What, so she can tell me she's with Hale? She's here watching him? How she's going to wear his letter jacket and class ring and be his little perfect housewife?" Jax spits right back.

"No!" Donna riles up instantly. "The exact opposite of that!"

"Donna, don't bother." Tara says cooly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "If that's what he thinks, then fine. I'll just go home."

"What?" Donna gapes at her. "No! Stay! Make him listen!"

"That would be pointless." Tara says smoothly. "Jax doesn't do anything he doesn't want to." She glances at him and sees his chin, jerked up and to the right, a sneer on his face.

"Oh, I'll make him." Donna threatens. Tara gives a small smile. "Neither of you are going anywhere until we work this out!"

"There's nothing to work out." Jax states and Tara gestures with her hand, as if to say 'I told you so'.

"I'm going to go home." Tara says quietly and Donna looks between the two of them, helplessly opening and closing her mouth.

"I will be over after this. With him." She says lowly and Jax rolls his eyes. Tara gives a small nod and starts walking towards the road. Behind her, she can hear the yells of Donna and Jax.

"Hey, Tara!" The voice exiting the locker room makes her cringe. Hale is jogging towards her, grinning. "I hoped I'd get the chance to thank you for coming."

"Ah, it was no trouble." She tries to brush it off, but Hale, eager as puppy, bounces after her.

"It was really great having you watch me." He adds and she tries to smile and keep walking away. "Do you need a ride home?" He asks.

"No, it's fine, Donna and I walked here, I can walk home." She assures him and he frowns.

"It's a ways. And it's dark." He argues.

"It's Charming." Tara retorts and he concedes to her point.

"Just let me give you a ride. It'll be way faster." He says and sighing, realizing she's not going to get anywhere, Tara gets into the waiting car. "So what'd you think of the game?" He asks, as he puts it in drive.

"Um, good." Tara says, twiddling her thumbs. "You guys scored a lot?"

"Yeah, you see, coach has us running this new offense." He launches into a detailed description of the game and Tara looks out the window, trying her hardest not to cry.

* * *

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what the fuck that was, Jax Teller." Donna declares furiously and despite the fact that Jax has nearly a foot on her and at least 50 pounds, he doesn't try to push past her.

"Donna, it's not your business." He says, rolling his eyes.

"She's my best friend! You're my boyfriend's best friend! This has 'my business' stamped all over it!" She puts her hands on her hips.

"Why do you care?" He jabs, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Because you just broke her heart." She hisses.

"Please." He scoffs. "I didn't."

"Yes, you did, you fucking idiot!" The curse word gets Jax's attention. "She was coming over here to admit that she has feelings for you!"

"She what?" Jax drops the defensive stance to look at Donna in surprise. She throws her hands up, dropping onto the bleacher.

"Yes, Jax." She says slowly, as if he's having a hard time understanding her. "That's why she wanted to talk."

"What… What'd she say?" Jax sits next her, rubbing his face.

"That she wants you." Donna says, with just a hint of smugness.

"But she was here for Hale!" Jax protests and Donna rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, maybe to start." She looks at him out of the corners of her eyes. He's staring, amazed, into the distance. "But then she got here and she literally turned to me and said 'I want Jax'. She said you make her feel alive."

"I make her feel alive." He muses. "I make her feel alive…"

"Well, you did." Donna corrects. "Except you just completely fucked things up by sending her away."

"I did?" Jax asks in alarm and Donna stares at him, flabbergasted.

"Jax, how have you not realized by now that Tara isn't like other girls?" She demands. "She's not just going to keep taking you back after you break her heart. She's not just going to keep waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and figure out how you feel! She's not ever going to stay around long enough to get hurt. She's going to walk, because she's been taught that men don't love and it's better not even to try."

"Really? She thinks that?" Jax looks at Donna in shock.

"Yes." She says flatly. "The thing is Jax, we learn to love after our parents. So you think that love is always unconditional, because no matter what, your mom loves and protects you. Opie thinks love is calmness, not fighting, not threatening to destroy it. And Tara, she thinks love is stability, it's normalcy, it's trust that you will be there, night after night, day after day, supporting her. Because her father sure as hell doesn't do it."

"Donna, how do you…" Jax stares at her like he's seeing her in a whole new light.

"I'm quiet Jax." The corners of her mouth twist up into a half smile. "That doesn't mean I don't see and observe all."

"Well, what should I do?" Jax questions, getting up to pace.

"Go tell her how you feel?" Donna suggests slowly, as if that should be obvious.

"I know, I know." Jax waves a hand. "But she's going to be pissed at me, she'll probably slam the door in my face like that time we went over there for advice on you for Op."

"You what?" Donna stares up at him in astonishment. Jax pauses in his pacing to grin at her.

"Oh, you didn't know that? Tara basically planned your guys first date."

"But she hated the idea of me dating Opie!" Donna says, bewildered.

"Guess she liked the idea of you being happy more." He says offhandedly and Donna is too busy absorbing this information to notice he's taken up pacing again.

"Jax, you just have to go over there and tell her." Donna says, once she's gotten her head wrapped around the idea that Tara is at least partially responsible for her dating Opie.

"I don't have my bike." He says wildly, looking around. "I came here in the truck, how am I going to get to her house?"

"Walk?" Donna suggests and he looks at her pityingly.

"God, being under 16 must suck." She punches him hard in the arm.

"Can we focus?"

* * *

"Well, thanks for the ride home." Tara says, giving Hale a smile as he parks outside her house.

"I'll walk you in." He offers, shutting off the car.

"No, no, you don't have to." Tara declines, opening the door.

"I'd feel bad if I didn't." He says and Tara resigns herself to it, walking up and unlocking the front door.

"See, home safe, thanks so much, had fun, goodnight." She says quickly and he frowns slightly.

"Wait, can I ask you something?" He blurts out and Tara sighs, pausing and looking at him. "What are we?"

"What are we?" Tara echoes, not understanding.

"Yeah." He blushes slightly. "Like, what are we? Can I call you my girlfriend?"

"We haven't even gone on a date." Tara says, nonplussed.

"I mean, we've gone to a party together, we went to the carnival together, we went to get milkshakes, you came to my game…" He trails off, looking at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She says, a sinking feeling as she realizes what it must've seemed like to him. What she let it seem like. What she considering it being.

"I mean, you slept on my couch." He's babbling now, seemingly getting distressed. "I talked about my mom, I thought we really had a connection Tara, I don't understand what happened!"

"Nothing happened." She says quietly. "I am just not ready for things to be serious, you know? I don't want a boyfriend right now. I'm not ready for it! And if it seemed like it, I'm sorry, that's on me, but I just…" She sighs, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know what I want. Maybe I do. But it's not fair to drag you along behind me."

"I don't mind!" He says quickly. "I don't! Tara, I would do anything to be with you." She looks at him pityingly.

"And I can't say the same, which is what makes this really unhealthy." She says gently then pats his cheek. "Thanks for the ride home. Goodnight." She opens her door.

"Tara, wait-" He starts to protest, following her inside, but both of them stop dead in their tracks. Tara's father stands in the middle of the living room, locked in a struggle with another man.

"What the hell?" Tara demands, bewildered. The place is trashed, clearly from the fight. Tara's father takes no notice that his daughter has walked in.

"Give me my fucking money, Knowles!" The other man bellows and Tara shrinks back, watching her father get pummeled. Hale stands in the doorway, seemingly in shock, unable to comprehend what's taking place in front of his very eyes.

"I don't know…" She's muttering and Hale seemingly doesn't know what to do either, so they watch for what seems like ages. Finally, the man wrangles her father into a headlock and looks up, spotting her.

"Get out." He growls. Tara stares at him like a deer in headlights then scrambles out the door. Hale looks down at her, baffled.

"I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do…" Tara is pacing, eyes wild, hands tangled up in her hair. "He's going to kill my dad!"

"Should we call the police?" Hale says unsurely and Tara glares at him.

"The phone is inside! Where we can't go! No, we can't call the police!" She says harshly. He shuts his mouth obediently and lets her resume pacing. The sound of a motorcycle makes her stop, her heart soaring as she turns. Jax is parking in her driveway, Donna leaping off the back and running for her.

"Tara, I got him to-" She starts breathlessly but then stops at the sight of Hale. "What's he doing here?"

"I'll explain later, but my dad, he's inside, he's fighting," Tara looks pleadingly at Jax, who tears his eyes off Hale and looks at her, frowning. "There's a man inside, I think he might kill my dad!" Jax pushes past Hale and inside.

"Holy shit." He swears, seeing the destruction inside. He assesses the situation in a second and dives between the two men, separating them easily. They stagger apart, the smell of whiskey and beer almost overwhelming. "What the fuck?" Jax yells.

"He owes me money!" The man points to Tara's father.

"I won it, fair and square!" He boasts. "I bet you in darts, you no good son of a fat whore!"

"Hey!" Jax's voice hushes them all. "You're grown ass men, fighting in front of kids! Have some goddamn respect!" He turns and grabs Tara's father by his collar. Jax is smaller, but sober, with fire in his eyes. "Give him the fucking money."

"But I-" Jax shakes him until he shuts up.

"Give him the fucking money!" Slowly, he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a couple crumpled bills. The other man snatches it and walks out the open front door. Jax throws Tara's dad onto the couch.

"Jax." Tara says quietly but he looks at her and she hushes.

"Now tell me why the fuck you think it's ok to bring men like that into your home." He says lowly, deadly. Tara's father looks at her beseechingly but Donna stands behind Tara in a show of support and Tara looks away.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Your daughter lives here." Jax cuts him off. "She could've been hurt! Who the fuck brings their bar fights home to their kid?" His anger is rising and Tara is stunned to notice that the more furious Jax gets, the bluer his eyes seem to turn.

"I had to—"

"Get the fuck out." Jax orders, pointing to the door. "Sleep in your garage, in your car, in a bar, in some ditch, I don't care. But get away from your daughter." He slinks out the door.

"Jax." Tara repeats, but he isn't done. Slamming the door on Tara's father, he turns to Hale, shoving him back.

"What the fuck?" He yells and that seems to bring Hale out of his daze.

"What?" He asks back and Jax shakes his head, spitting with rage.

"If she's with you, that's fine." The words appear to cause Jax great pain saying them. "But that means you protect her. With your life. If she would've gotten hurt tonight, what would you have done? Wait it out on the porch with her? Just leave her to deal with it?"

"What? No!" Hale protests and Jax shakes his head.

"She deserves better than all this." He gestures to the ruined living room. "If you can't fucking protect her from it, what good are you?"

"Jax." Tara says softly, resting her hand on his back and pressing her cheek to his shoulder. "It's ok, I'm ok." With a last hard look at Hale, Jax turns and envelopes Tara in his arms, hugging her tightly.

"You should go." Donna says quietly to Hale. He looks at her and opens his mouth but Donna's eyes flash and he decides it's best to do as told. Donna clasps her hands together and watches as Jax sways with Tara.

"You ok?" He mutters into her ear and she nods, her face still buried in his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I want you." She states, leaning back and looking up at him. "I don't want Hale, I want you." He blinks a couple times, looking shellshocked.

"What?" He asks weakly and Tara takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves and all the shouting in her head.

"You told him that he has to protect me. I don't want him to. I want you. And if you don't want me, that's fine." Her voice cracks a little but she carries on. "I know that I want you, even the good and the bad. All I know is that I'm happiest when I'm with you."

"Tara." He says gently, cupping the back of her head. "Are you just saying this because of all this happening?" He gestures to her house.

"No, I knew before." She admits. "I've just been scared and hiding from it, well, because, I feel like it could be real."

"Don't be scared." He mutters, pulling her close again. "Don't be scared ever again." They embrace tightly while Donna squeals into a pillow and then collapses, limp with happiness, onto the floor.

"BEST NIGHT EVER."

 **AN:** So I just realized the reason why I love writing Donna so much is because we share such similar traits, like ruthlessly forcing the people around us to fall in love... But! Big chapter! Slow burn is finally flaming! This! Means! Reviews!


	21. Midnight Snacks

"C'mon, we should clear this up." Jax announces and lets her go. Tara feels dizzy, like she's off balance. She absentmindedly sets a pillow on the couch. Jax is righting tables. Donna sweeps up broken glass, humming to herself.

"You guys don't have to do this." Tara says, once she's come down from being amazed at her progress with Jax and can feel proper embarrassment.

"No, happy to help." Donna says cheerfully.

"You don't have to do this shit alone." Jax adds and Tara ducks her head, throwing a broken lamp in the garbage.

"I'm going to call Opie, he can come pick me up." Donna says quietly, when Jax ties off the bag of garbage and heads outside.

"More like tell him everything that's going on." Tara sees through Donna. She grins and shrugs then leans forward and kisses Tara's forehead, startling her.

"I'm glad you're finally doing something for yourself." She says quietly. "Even if it took a shitstorm from your father to do it."

"How is this for me?" Tara questions, nonplussed and Donna's smile turns just a little sad.

"Because you're happy Tara and that's what matters." She pats her cheek and walks to the phone, leaving Tara slightly confused in her wake.

"Hey, you ok?" Jax asks, walking back in and looking at her in concern.

"Yeah, yeah, fine." She shakes her head and smiles at him.

"What's she doing?" He asks, jerking his chin towards Donna.

"Calling Opie. Don't think they can go more than three seconds without talking." Tara jokes and Jax grins. "He'll give her a ride home."

"Speaking of that…" He says lowly then turns to face her. "How do you feel about me spending the night?"

"I, uh, what?" She stammers.

"Not with you!" Jax says hastily. "Just on the couch. To make sure your dad or that guy doesn't come back."

"Oh." Tara says, a little bit shocked. "I mean, I suppose, if you want, I'm not going to say no."

"Good." Jax breaks into a smile. "I don't want anything happening to you."

* * *

"Hey Op, how are things?" Donna asks quietly.

"Fine." His tone is short and clipped, almost annoyed, but a second later he sighs. "He's in bed now, but I really don't know how much longer he can avoid going to the doctor for it."

"We'll talk him into it." Donna reassures him. "But could you come grab me from Tara's?"

"Yeah of course." He says offhandedly.

"Ok, park next to Jax's bike." Donna drops the bomb casually but smirks when she hears Opie fumble with something on the other end.

"Jax is there?" He asks in hushed amazement.

"You just wait." Donna says smugly and hangs up. She turns back to see Tara and Jax, laughing, pulling food out of the fridge.

"We're going to make spaghetti, you want some?" Tara asks her and Donna checks the clock.

"Guys, it's hours past supper." She reminds them.

"We're hungry." Jax says, as if it should be obvious. He rummages through the pantry. "You don't have any long noodles, just the spiral kind." He informs Tara, who stops browning the hamburger and glances over.

"Want spaghetti with spiral noodles?" She asks Donna while Jax chuckles.

"Sure." Donna throws her hands up and goes to get a pot of water.

"Hello?" Opie says unsurely when he walks in. Donna hadn't given him any details on the phone as to what was happening, so he had no idea what to expect when he walked into Tara's house. On the ride over, he'd imagined that Jax and Tara could be screaming at each other, making out, sitting in silence refusing to speak, or pouring their hearts and souls out. He's expecting a lot of things, but not what he sees.

Donna and Tara are laughing in the kitchen, Tara stirring a large pot, Donna buttering bread, and Jax hanging a picture over a large hole in the wall. When he stands in the entry, staring at them in disbelief, they all turn and grin.

"Hey Op," Jax says, as if this is normal. "Is this hanging level?" Flabbergasted, he goes to check.

"Uh, yeah." He says, after appraising it and Jax nods in satisfaction.

"Grab bowls, the noddles are done." Tara announces and Donna drains the noodles, then puts the garlic bread in the oven.

"What the fuck?" He finally manages and they all stop, glancing at him.

"We're having spaghetti." Tara explains innocently and Opie just stares at her, not sure if she's joking or if she really misunderstood what he's so bewildered about. Donna, knowing what's racing through his mind, grins and comes over to tug on his hand.

"I'll tell you about it at home." She breathes and he has no choice but to follow her to the kitchen table, where Tara apologizes for the spiral noodles and Jax takes an extra piece of garlic bread, laughing when Tara smacks him. Opie eats mindlessly, trying to figure out what could possibly be happening.

"Well, thanks for supper." Donna says cheerfully, once everything is cleaned up, leftovers in the fridge, dishes in the dishwasher, table washed. "Or a midnight snack, since it's closer to that."

"No problem." Tara smiles and for once it's a real smile, not a faked thing.

"Well, I'll call you tomorrow." Donna promises.

"Sounds good. Oh, wait, I have something of yours in my room. Come get it?" Tara suggests and Donna follows her out of the kitchen. Opie capitalizes on their momentary absence to turn to Jax and give him an imploring look.

"What the fuck happened tonight?" He demands and Jax gives a half shrug.

"I honestly couldn't tell you." He admits. "Donna, she's all…" He mimes pulling on a puppet's strings. "How does she know these things?"

"She's a special girl." Opie says fondly and he means it. When Donna walks out and smiles at him, he smiles back and opens his arms so she can tuck herself into his side.

"Tomorrow." Donna says seriously to Tara, who smiles and nods. Donna smiles happily and pulls Opie towards the door.

"Wait, aren't you coming?" He asks Jax, glancing over his shoulder.

"No, I'm staying." He reveals casually and Opie stops in his tracks, staring at him.

"Not like that!" Tara says hastily, sensing where this is going. "No, not like that."

"Really." Opie states dryly and Jax looks at him, affronted.

"I'll explain." Donna promises, squeezing his side. "C'mon." They make it outside and Donna heads to the bike but Opie tugs her to a stop and sits down on the steps, heading spinning.

"Ok, tell me." He orders and Donna blinks, gesturing to the bike.

"Home?" She questions and he shakes his head. He has no desire to go back to where his father sleeps, but he doesn't tell Donna that. Instead, he focuses on the more prominent issue.

"I want to know what the hell happened tonight that all of the sudden, Jax and Tara are a cozy little family in there. What did you do?" He taps her nose with his finger and she laughs, sitting down and curling her knees to her chest.

"Where to start?" She muses. "We went to the football game, Tara admitted she wants Jax, Jax fucked it up, she left, I yelled, Jax realized he's a damn idiot, we arrived here, she was with Hale, her dad was fighting over money with some guy, Jax settled it like a bad ass, I kicked Hale out, Jax comforted Tara, we made spaghetti, and you know the rest!" She takes a deep breath while he stares at her in shock and awe.

"How did you plan this?" He asks in amazement and she gives a little shrug.

"It takes a lot of hard work and determination, but if you set your mind to it, anything is possible." She quotes and he laughs, kissing her forehead.

"Well, now lets hope that they figure it out on their own and Jax doesn't do anything stupid to fuck it up tonight." He mutters, standing and offering her his hands. She doesn't notice; she's worriedly watching the house.

"Do you think he would?" She chews on one lip anxiously.

"Let them figure things out themselves Donna." He says patiently then wiggles his fingers. "I'm taking you home."

"Oh alright." She agrees, letting him haul her up and wiping her butt clean. "But if we just stick our heads in and make sure that they're not-"

"Get on the bike Donna."

* * *

"Thanks for everything again." Tara says gratefully to Jax and he smiles at her, so brilliant and warm that she wants to melt.

"Of course." He says sincerely and Tara realizes that for the first time they are alone, without the buffer of Donna and Opie. She awkwardly busies herself with cleaning the already spotless kitchen. "Tara…"

"Mmmm?" She turns and looks at him. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then seemingly thinks better of it and closes it, shaking his head.

"Where do you want me to sleep?" He asks and she hesitates, not quite sure what's going to come out of her mouth.

"The couch is pretty comfy." She tells him and he nods, pulling the decorative pillows off. Tara goes to get him a pillow and blankets from the closet and hands them to him. He throws them in a mess on the couch, kicks off his shoes, and sits back with the remote.

"Want to join me?" He offers, just a hint of teasing in his voice.

"I have a nice comfy bed." She says dryly and he shrugs, smiling.

"Very true. How about for a movie then?" He offers and she glances at the clock.

"Not a very long one." She compromises and he grins widely, patting the couch next to him. She sits carefully, not too close to him but not too far. He finds some dramatic action movie and puts it on, relaxing back with ease.

She remains upright and tense for the majority of the first half, not sure if she should just collapse into Jax's arms or keep her distance. Everything feels new and different, strangely altered. She feels like she's in the middle of a rushing river, jumping from one wobbly rock to the next, unsure of where she stands with Jax and now unsure of how they're doing things.

However, as the minutes drag on, she finds the movie can't hold her attention and so she begins to nod off, her eyelids heavy. The movie does nothing to hold her attention and after the day she's had, sleep comes naturally.

Jax glances to his left and sees Tara's small form, curled into the corner of the couch. An unexpected rush of protectiveness washes over him, leftover from the earlier surge when he saw how small she was in comparison to the rage of her father. Add that on to the fact that she's been handling this since she was young?

She reminds him of Tommy, in the most basic sense. Small, fiery, smart, thoughtful, and somehow delicate. That's what drew him to Tara in the first place, he supposes. It wasn't how pretty she was or how her smile could light up a room or her sparkling eyes when she laughed, slightly drunk.

No, those things helped, but it was her nature, her kindness and understanding when he had opened up about his father, his little brother, his life and it's hurts. She'd never judged him, never cut him off, never used him. She's been interested in the boy that wrote an english paper, not the boy that stands to inherit a biker club.

He's not sure if he can curl his body arounds hers or even touch a kiss to her forehead. They'd made strides, but they'd done this before. Smashed a wall down only to construct a higher one afterwards. He was determined that this time wouldn't be one of them.

So that's why he picks her up as gently as he can, surprised at how skinny she is, and carries her in direction she'd led Donna in. He hesitates in front of her door, unsure if he can walk into her bedroom or if that's her private space. Then he scoots through, puts her on her small bed, covers her, and gets out of there as fast as he can. He lays down on the couch and accepts the fact that with his racing thoughts, he'll never sleep.

Tara wakes up blearily to roll over then pauses. She wouldn't be rolling over on the couch. She cracks an eyelid slightly, patting her hands around gauge her surroundings. She realizes it's her bed, but she has no memory of getting there. For one bewildering second, she imagines it's her father that carried her there, then realizes it must've been Jax. The idea of him carrying her off to bed makes her smile as she drifts back to sleep.

Until a loud crash makes her bolt upright in bed.

 **AN:** Alright, let's hear it everyone, the new direction, how do we feel? Tell me in a review please!


	22. Stubbed Toes and Old Recipes

For a long second her mind is absolutely blank, her body quivering with adrenaline, pure instinct telling her flight is her only choice. Then she blinks and her rational self returns, reminding her that worse case scenario it's her father and his barflies of friends returning, best case scenario whatever repairs they did in the living room aren't holding and something fell.

She creeps out of bed, grabbing the little iron figurine of Jesus Christ on the cross her mother had gotten her once on a trip to the coast. She's not sure what kind of damage it'll do, but if she can get to the kitchen and grab a knife, she thinks she'll be ok.

She opens her door, peering into the darkness. She pads down the hall, senses on high alert, ready for someone to spring out from the darkness and try to kill her. Instead, once she makes it to the living room where pale moonlight is streaming in through the blinds, she drops the figurine.

"Jesus Christ Jax!" She hisses. Jax is hobbling around the room, his left foot clearly in pain, trying to be as quiet as he can while uttering a colorful string of curses. "What happened?" Still grimacing in pain, he gestures to the overturned chair.

"I didn't see it." He mutters and she sinks down on the couch, limp with relief that nothing awful has happened.

"You scared the shit out of me." She mutters, rubbing her temples.

"I'm sorry, go back to sleep." He encourages, still balancing on one leg.

"No, no, let me see your toes." She orders, holding out her hands and he limps over, sitting on the coffee table and slowly putting his foot in her hands. She inspects them, then hovers over the third one. "It's jammed. Do you want me to pull it out?" She offers cautiously.

"Yeah." He grits his teeth and looks away.

"Ok," Tara says steadily, gripping the throbbing toe. "One. Two." He intakes a sharp breath of air when she yanks it but the relief is instant. "Three." She smiles and lets his foot go.

"Thanks." He wiggles his toes slightly, glad that he can no longer feel his heart pounding in them.

"How'd you knock over the chair anyways?" She asks curiously.

"I, uh, was pacing." He admits and she frowns at him.

"Jax it's-" She checks the clock. "2:30 in the morning, what were you doing up?"

"I had some stuff on my mind." He says evasively and maybe it's because he fought her father and won for her, or maybe because she knows he carried her to bed and tenderly tucked her in, or maybe it's because she got to be the one to soothe his pain, but she opens her arms.

"Wanna talk about it?" She questions and he eyes her, then hesitantly settles onto the couch and into her embrace. She runs her fingers through his hair, surprised at how soft and silky it feels. Jax closes his eyes to her touch.

"I have a feeling you're going to make me tell you anyways." He says lowly and she gives a hum of amusement.

"I wouldn't do such a thing." She chides and he grins, eyes still closed.

"I always have a lot on my mind." He mutters and she nods encouragingly. "Thinking about my dad, my future, Tommy, my mom, the club, everything."

"The club." Tara says hesitantly and he takes that as his cue to talk about that.

"My dad founded club a long time ago, before he had met my mom or had me and Tommy." He explains and Tara frowns slightly but he presses on. "I grew up there, you know? All those guys, they're uncles to me. Second dads. I have all these great memories there- this one time," He breaks off, chuckling. "When Op and I were kids, we'd go over there and play. My mom has this picture of us, we're practically babies and-" He abruptly stops.

"What?" Tara asks in alarm.

"Nothing." He lies and she gently rattles him. "I just, I don't think that you'd like this story."

"Tell me anyways." She says stoutly and he smiles slightly.

"Well, we're just little and we have this picture of our moms holding us, beer and drinks everywhere, guns on the couch next to us, and what I swear is a stripper in the background." He grins then twists to see Tara's shocked face. "Told you you'd hate it."

"I just…" She ponders it for a minute. "It explains so much."

"Explains what?" He asks, affronted.

"Why you are the way you are." She states and he frowns at her, not sure what that means. "For better or worse, you're Jax and you are who you are."

"What about all that stuff about me having a deeper side?" He asks, not maliciously, but rather curious.

"I still think that." Tara says softly. "But like you said in your essay, nature so often wins out over nurture."

"Except I was nurtured to love the club." He mutters and she resumes her careful strokes through his hair. "My mom, with the death of my dad, I thought she'd back off a little. She'd see how dangerous it is, she wouldn't want that for the only surviving member of her family." The words make Tara flinch.

"Don't describe yourself like that." She says, alarmed.

"It's true." He tells her. "If our hearts don't kill us, our lifestyle does."

"I don't like that." Her grip briefly tightens on his hair then instantly lets go.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes. "I'm not trying to scare you or anything."

"I don't think I'm scared." Tara muses. "I just don't think that describes you. But tell me why the club has been on your mind so much."

"Because my mom wants me to go SAMCRO." He resumes his train of thought, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Do you not want to?" Tara asks in surprise.

"No, I think I do." He says, but he sounds hesitant. Tara looks down at him imploringly. "It's the only thing I've wanted since I was a kid, you know? Even with all the bad things that happen, all the funerals I've been to, things always seemed better with the club. When we were kids, my mom always told us that the club would take care of us, no matter what. I feel like you repay that back."

"Jax, committing your life to something isn't repaying them, that's indentured servitude and it's illegal." She says dryly. He rolls his eyes at her.

"It's who I am, for better or worse." He echoes her earlier statement. "And I know who I am, I've known since I fell in love with that bike out there. I'm my father's son."

"We don't have to take after our parents." She strives to keep her voice reasonable and even, but the hint of anger is evident in the rigid set of her body.

"I know." Jax twists so he's looking up at her. "And you're nothing like your father. But are you scared to be seen as your mother?" Tara hesitates for a long second, her eyes flicking towards the picture of her small, happy family on the wall.

"I don't remember a lot about her." She admits, her gaze far away. "I remember she was pretty and kind. We laughed a lot more. My dad, he was a better man. Had a wife he loved. I remember she use to bake the most amazing things. The house would always smell like cookies or cinnamon rolls or whatever she had in the oven. It was amazing."

"Do you bake?" Jax's question is innocent enough but Tara shakes her head and frowns.

"No, not like that. I took all her recipes and hid them so my dad couldn't throw them or destroy them, but when I tried to make her cookies, they just burned." She scrunches her eyes together tightly. "I didn't try after that."

"Do you have the recipes?" He is rubbing his thumb over hers comfortingly, looking at her imploring. Her forehead creases slightly as she glances at him.

"Yeah, they're in my room."

"Do you have the ingredients?"

"Why?" Eyes narrowed, she starts to pick up on what Jax is getting at.

"Because I made you Tommy's toast, so you've already had my family's secret recipe." He smiles at her sweetly. "We can try for Knowles chocolate chip cookies."

"Jax, it's the middle of the night!"

"And we're not sleeping anyways." He points out. "So why not go crazy and see what happens? Like, no matter what happens, we're gonna have cookies to eat at the end of the night. I think that's a good idea."

"Are you seriously thinking that we should bake cookies right now?" Tara asks in amazement and he shrugs, getting up and walking into the kitchen.

"What's even in cookies? Flour? Sugar?" He wonders aloud, opening the pantry. In disbelief, Tara gets up and walks into her room, opening the bottom drawer of her dresser and retrieving a small brown book with flowers painted on it. She carefully plucks an worn index card from the pages and turns it over in her hands a couple times, noticing her mother's thin, cursive writing looks a lot like her own.

"Ok, the measuring cups are in the second drawer." She says loudly, standing back up and walking back to the kitchen, refusing to let herself brood on this train of thought. Jax stands at the ready with a stick of butter and a whisk, grinning at her. She grins back at him, propping the recipe card up on the counter.

"Ok, let's bake."

Laughing, Tara tosses a chocolate chip up into the air. Jax darts under it and catches it triumphantly in his mouth, looking at her with wide eyes. She doubles over in laughter, nearly falling off the counter. He catches her shoulders, pushing her back up gently, laughing himself.

"How can you catch anything in your mouth?" She demands and he shrugs, taking a deep breath to stop laughing.

"Op and I use to play this game all the time as kids." He reveals, eyes sparkling. "It drove my mom just crazy. She'd come home and there'd be candy and grapes and chips and stuff all over the floor. She makes us go outside if we want to do it these days."

"I can see why." Tara comments, imagining a dirty floor surrounded a young Jax and Opie as they goad each other into catching things.

"Your turn." He says, gesturing for her to hop off the counter.

"I've never done this." She protests as he tugs her down and takes the bag of chocolate chips from her.

"Doesn't matter." He says firmly, standing across from her and grabbing a handful of chocolate chips. "Bend your knees a little. Ok, eyes focused. Follow the chocolate. Light on your feet. Mouth open."

"I feel ridiculous." She grouses.

"Stay on your toes." He instructs and she rolls her eyes but when he tosses the chip up, she opens her mouth and tries to get under it. It bounces off her cheek and falls to the floor. "Not bad." Jax says and Tara gives him a 'don't patronize me' look.

"Again." She orders and he waits until she's get herself set before tossing another chip up. It catches her chin. Jax waits until she's ready before throwing another one.

They keep this up, Jax giving her tips- get your mouth under it, not your eyes- and Tara exasperatedly replying- what does that even mean, get my mouth under it- until the timer goes off. The house smells like warm cookies. Tara holds up a hand and grabs the oven mitts, looking nervously at the oven.

"Moment of truth." Jax says, setting the chocolate chips aside and rubbing his hands. "They smell delicious."

"Mom always liked them fresh out of the oven." Tara mutters, smiling as she carefully pulls the pan out of the hot oven. She sets it atop the stove, looking apprehensively at the cookies.

"They don't look burnt." Jax leans over her shoulder and takes a sniff. "They look perfect."

"How they taste, that's a different story." Tara grabs a spatula and paper plates, scooping a couple cookies onto each plate. She and Jax sit down on the couch, a blanket thrown over their legs, looking at each other in anticipation.

"Well, I didn't poison them." Jax jokes and Tara sticks her tongue out, biting into it. Jax quickly follows her lead.

"Oh." She says in surprise, chewing.

"What?" Worried, Jax quickly swallows, flinching as the hot cookie burns his mouth.

"They…" Tara sets her cookie down and presses the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop her tears. "They taste like hers. Not perfectly, but close."

"Oh." In relief, Jax takes another bite and actually savors the taste for a long moment. "Wow, these are amazing."

"She made them for everything." Tara says fondly, breaking another cookie. Chocolate oozes onto her plate and she uses her thumb to lick the plate clean. "Bake sales, church, birthdays, anything. They were her favorite and everyone else loved them too."

"What was she like?" Jax asks curiously. "Your mom, like as a human. Not just a mother."

"People usually talk about her like she was a saint." Tara closes her eyes and leans into the couch while Jax watches. "I remember we were in church every Sunday, that wasn't a choice. She didn't work, but she was always busy doing something. She was on committees and charities and volunteering. She wasn't the one to force me to do my homework, that was always my dad. He's the one that wanted me to go do something like be a doctor or a lawyer or a professor. My mom, she just wanted me to be happy."

"Are you happy?"

"What?" In surprise, Tara opens her eyes and looks at him.

"Are you happy?" Jax repeats and she's quiet for so long he gets up and takes her empty plate, going to get more cookies.

"I think I'm ok." She admits, once he sits back down and hands her the plate of cookies. "I've been this way for a long time. I don't know if it's happiness because I think I've forgotten how to be happy."

"I don't think you did." Jax says confidently. "I've seen you happy, truly happy."

"Oh?" She raises an eyebrow. "When was that?"

"Back of my bike." He leans back and observes her, arms folded. "Rounding that curve on the highway, the one where it opens up and you've got the whole wide state in front of you. When you know you can do anything and everything. Like the whole world's been lifted off your shoulders."

"That's happiness?" Tara questions and he shakes his head.

"No, that's freedom. And freedom is happiness."

 **AN:** I know you were all hoping for a kiss, but let me reassure you, that's a plan that's coming... Leave me reviews anyways?


	23. Views

The ringing of the phone makes Tara groan and sit up. For a second, she's bewildered why she's on the floor, then she sees the chocolate smudges and crumbs on the plate, the couch pillows under her head, and Jax sound asleep on his back, mouth slightly open, snoring and oblivious to the phone. Still disconcerted, she hauls herself up and snatches the phone.

"Hello?"

"Well good morning sleepy head." Donna's voice is cheery and loud.

"How'd you know you woke me up?" Tara asks, opening the fridge and getting water for her dry throat.

"Because you sound all hoarse and confused. That's how you sound when you're waking up." Donna explains and Tara takes a sip of water.

"Have I ever told you that it's just a little scary how you just kind of know everything?"

"Most people are a little freaked out." Donna says nonchalantly. "How come you're still sleeping? Usually you're up by now." Tara checks the clock and is surprised to see that it's fairly late into the morning, edging closer to afternoon.

"Oh, jeez. Jax and I were up late last night." She mutters, rubbing her face and wondering if she should get into the shower before he wakes up.

"What?" Donna yelps.

"Not like that, not like that!" Tara hisses, darting outside so she doesn't wake Jax. "Nothing like that! We were making cookies."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Donna scoffs teasingly and Tara makes a face.

"I'm serious. We didn't even kiss." Tara promises her and Donna is quiet for a long moment.

"I don't know if I'm proud or disappointed." She says finally and Tara rolls her eyes, turning her face up to the sun. It's going to be a warm day. "What did you guys even do?"

"I told you, we made chocolate chip cookies." Tara insists, a small smile on her face. "I'd offer to bring some to you and Op, but they're all gone."

"What aren't you telling me?" Donna asks skeptically.

"Nothing!" Tara says quickly. "It was a lot of talking. We made cookies. It was fun. It was nice. He's nice."

"He's nice." Donna repeats, as if she can't believe it. "Wait, does that mean he's done it?"

"Done what?" Tara asks, her forehead creasing.

"You told me that he was going to have to do some big, amazing gesture to win your heart." Donna says slyly and Tara sits in one of the faded, frayed lawn chairs to ponder it.

"I mean, I was expecting chocolates and roses and candlelight." She jokes.

"And instead you got him standing up to your dad and making cookies with you in the middle of the night." Donna shoots back and Tara buries her head in her hands.

"I know, I know, I know." She says, muffled by her hands.

"Oddly, that fits you two better than that romance stuff." Donna says thoughtfully and Tara can't help but admit that she has a point. "Is he still there?"

"Yeah." Tara gets up, quietly opening the sliding door to peek into the living room. Jax hasn't even twitched.

"What are you going to do today?" Donna asks slyly.

"I don't know." Tara says honestly, leaning against the kitchen table and smiling, watching as Jax sleeps. "I was going to hop in the shower and figure it out."

"Oh, yeah, get in the shower and see if Jax joins you." Donna teases.

"Goodbye Donna." Tara grins and hangs up the phone, but she can't help but shake Donna's words. Would he take her showering as an invitation to come in? No, he would respect that boundary. But it's Jax… She shakes her head and tidies up the kitchen from last night. She's partially hopeful that the clattering will wake Jax up, but he seems determined to sleep through World War Three, so she sighs and decides she can't put off showering any longer.

* * *

He wakes up because there's sunlight streaming directly into his face. Squinting and cursing it, he rolls over, away from it. His eyes still cracked, he sees the mess of blankets next to him and the pillow beside his own. Frowning, he recalls the night before.

Fighting. Tara, wanting him. Supper with a thrilled Donna and confused Opie. Movie. Carrying Tara. Restless. Thinking. Pacing. The chair. Talking. Cookies. More talking. And then finally, heavy eyelids and separate bodies, curled up near each other, but careful not to touch.

He sits up, looking for Tara now. She's not in the kitchen, though it seems like most of their mess from the night before has been put away. Frowning, he listens for any noise of her then hears the shower. Smiling at the idea of what she'd do if he walked in there, he ambles out back to pee.

Once back inside and now fully awake, he takes the time to look at all the pictures of Tara around the house. It's clear when they stopped being taken- the only recent one is tacked to the fridge, of Tara and Donna taken during the school year. He smiles at the idea of Donna strong-arming Tara into taking pictures and getting them developed before sticking it on the fridge with a grin.

"Oh hey, you're up." Tara says, exiting the bathroom. Jax turns to look at her and feels like he's been shocked. She's standing, barefoot, wrapped in nothing but a thin, faded purple towel. Her pale, creamy skin still has beads of water on it and some still cling to her long eyelashes. Her hair is darker than usual, falling in a tangled mess down her back.

"Uh, yeah." He says dumbly, trying not to notice how the towel is even shorter than the dresses and skirts she wears or the fact that if she were to lift her arms, he'd see everything.

"Well, let me change and we can figure something out." She smiles brightly and turns to head into her bedroom.

"Uh huh." He says dazedly.

"Oh, and feel free to take a shower if you want!" She calls, shutting her door and he's aware that he could use a cold one. When she comes back out, she's dressed in loose shorts and a tank top, flinching as she tries to work the tangles out of her hair with her fingers. He's making toast and turns to glance at her, noticing how pretty she looks when she's got her guard down and she's comfortable.

"Morning." He says, trying not to sound strangled.

"Morning." She smiles at him and it's so brilliant and perfect for a second Jax can only stare. Then she flips her hair upside down, whipping it up a couple times. A scent wafts over to him, something he can't place. For some reason, it reminds him on his grandparents but he quickly dismisses that as ridiculous.

"What time did you wake up this morning?" He asks curiously and she flips her hair upright again, smiling at him.

"Donna called and the phone woke me up." She informs him.

"Huh. Funny, I didn't hear a thing." He says blithely.

"I know." Tara grins and opens the fridge to grab an apple. "I think I could've staged a small war in the kitchen and you would've slept through it."

"My mom use to worry about me because of that." He reveals, as the toaster dings and he grabs the two pieces. Tara hands him butter and brown sugar before grabbing a knife to slice the apple.

"What, that you sleep like the dead?" Tara jokes and he looks at her sideways.

"She use to worry my heart had stopped." He explains and Tara's face falls slightly.

"Ah." She hesitates then awkwardly pats his hand. "Well, I'm glad it didn't."

"Me too." Jax says lightly, taking the apple slices and setting them on the toast. "Otherwise I never would've tasted your mom's amazing chocolate chip cookies."

"They've never turned out like that before." Tara muses, picking up the recipe card and flipping it over in her hands a couple times.

"Maybe you were missing the secret ingredient." Jax grins at her.

"And what's that?" She asks skeptically.

"Love." He hands her a piece of toast. Startled, she takes a bite. Jax begins to clean up their mess. She helps and once she finishes her toast, goes to put her mother's recipe back. She pauses, looking at the rest, and resolves to try to cook a couple more of them.

"Hey Jax," She calls, rising up.

"Yes?" He asks, leaning against her doorway and watching her with a small smile.

"Sorry, it's kinda a mess." She says, flustered, suddenly very aware of the fact that underwear, bras, and other clothes are scattered all over her floor.

"Didn't bother me last night, doesn't bother me now." He says easily and she flushes red at the reminder that he carried her to bed.

"Um, I was just wondering your plan for the day." She tells him and he shrugs.

"I have a pretty open day." He says casually and there's a moment of hesitation between the two of them, not sure who's going to risk the first leap.

"I do too." Tara says slowly and Jax scratches the back of his head awkwardly.

"We could… Do something?" He suggests and Tara grins.

"Sure." She stands and grabs shoes. "I'm guessing it has to do with your bike."

"Well don't you just have me all figured out." He jokes and she grins.

"Actually, I don't, that's the only reason why you're still standing here, otherwise I would've kicked you out long ago." She says sassily and he looks at her, affronted.

"What, my amazing abs and puppy dog eyes wouldn't have bought me at least 30 minutes?" He protests and she grabs his flannel off her bed, swinging it on.

"Maybe 10." She says, patting his cheek as she slides past him.

"Tara, wait." He catches her wrist, staring at her in amazement.

"What?" She asks worriedly, stopping and looking at him.

"Is that… Mine?" He gestures to the shirt.

"Oh!" She visibly relaxes, glancing down and fiddling with one of the buttons. "Actually, yeah, it is. You know, from the last time I rode your bike. I meant to give it back, but…" She trails off, unsure how to admit that it's what she sleeps in.

"Keep it." He decides, a slow smile coming across his face. "It looks better on you anyways." Blushing, she ducks her head and walks outside, locking the door and tucking the key under one of the chipped flowerpots.

"Ready to go." She announces. Grinning, Jax hands her his helmet and gets on the bike. Tara takes a moment, buckling it, then swings her leg over and tangles her fingers into Jax's wrinkled shirt.

"You get better every time." He compliments slyly and she digs her fingers in a little tighter.

"You haven't seen nothing yet, Jax Teller." She says confidently and Jax starts his bike to hide the noise that escape his throat.

The decision to take her out of Charming is almost subconscious, but Jax mostly wants to get her out of her father's reach. The memory of walking in on the destroyed living room and the fear in Tara's eyes still makes his blood boil.

It's a strange feeling, being protective again. Sure, he's always had that instinct. Honed it with Tommy, being the big brother, watching out for playground bullies. Protective of his mother, even though he's known since he was young that if anyone can hold their own, it's Gemma Teller. Protective over his bike, his baby, glaring at anyone that dares walk or park in a twenty foot radius of it.

But Tara, it's different. He hasn't been protective over a girl since well, ever. It's not like he's fallen so hard for her that he's getting mad when other guys look at her. No, he was just trying to save someone that needed help. Like saving ducklings that got stuck in a grate or something. It's totally normal.

But he can feel her thin arms wrapped around his waist and she's got her head resting between his shoulder blades and her legs are pressing into his and his chest feels like it's going to expand until it bursts. He steers them towards the view she loves so much and tries to ignore the way his heartbeat quickens whenever she gives him a gentle squeeze.

Tara isn't sure if they're headed the way she thinks they are, but she's trying to encourage Jax by tightening her arms ever so slightly. Her chest is pressed to his back and she wonders if he can feel the frantic rhythm as it feels like it's going to jump out of her chest.

She's not sure what's gotten into her, but her nerves are singing, the wind making goosebumps rise on her arms and legs. Her heart occasionally forgets to beat and jitters make her want to wiggle her fingers and toes anxiously. She's wondering if Jax has noticed and what he thinks, but the bike is slowing down.

"Is everything ok?" She asks, once he's parked well off the rode and cut the engine. "Why are we stopping?"

"Because I want to show you something." He smiles brightly and offers his hand. Nonplussed, she takes her helmet off and sets it on the handlebars before she folds their fingers together. He leads her up around the bend and she gasps.

It's the same view as before, but now that they're not flying past on a bike, she has the time to drink it in. The landscape gently slopes and rises, trees waving in the breeze, the blue sky with it's puffy clouds and warm sun. For a second, she's just amazed.

Then she breathes, breathes deeply like she hasn't in a long time. The air fills up her lungs, all the way to the bottom and the happiness makes her dizzy. The sun warms her all the way to the bone and for the first time in a long time, she feels like she's surfaced from the bottom of a deep pond and she's breathing once more.

"I get it now." She tells him, turning to look up at him. "I get what you said last night."

"What's that?" He asks, tearing his eyes away from the view and looking down at her.

"About freedom being happiness." She explains and his eyebrows crease just slightly. "This is the first day in forever I haven't worried about what my dad is doing, where he is, if he's ruining something. I'm free from him, I'm free from everything, I could just get on your bike with you and ride. It's freedom." She grins and takes a step back from him, opening her arms wide and turning her face to the sun. "And I'm happy."

"Happy." Jax echoes, reaching out and grabbing her hands with his. He marvels at how small they are. She takes a step closer, smiling at him and tilting her head to one side.

"Are you happy?" She asks curiously and she's biting her lip and Jax is both rooted to his spot and floating above himself, every inch of his being screaming at him to make his move.

"I am." He says and is surprised to realize he means it. He hasn't felt like this since before his father died, not even the day he got his bike. The anger is fading and for once, the world doesn't seem stacked against him- it seems bright.

"That's good." Tara's pulling away from him again to look out over the cliff but he stops her, tugging her back to him. Her hazel eyes are wide and curious.

"I'm alive." He tells her and her lips part slightly, forming a question. "That's what you told Donna."

"Told Donna when?" She questions.

"Last night. At the football game." It seems ages ago, like they've crossed an entire ocean in one day, but Jax has to get all this out so his head will stop feeling too full of words he didn't say. "She told me that you said I make you feel alive."

"Oh." Tara is going pink, ducking her head shyly, seemingly apprehensive about what he means. "That. Um, yeah, I know it's a corny, cliche thing but,"

"No, no, it's not." He says eagerly, taking her hands in his. "Not at all. Because that's how I feel too Tara. Alive, alive and breathing and happy. I didn't know that's what this was, because I've never felt it before, but it is. And I need to know that's what you feel too."

"Yes." Tara is staring at him in disbelief, unsure of how Jax has pulled the thoughts from her head and somehow spoken them aloud, but he has, and perfectly. "Yes, Jax, that's exactly how I feel. I'm happy, I'm really happy, I don't think there's anything else in this world that could make me happier."

"You haven't seen nothing yet." Jax repeats her earlier comment with a cocky grin, moving his hands from her wrists to her waist. Startled, she lets him pull her close to him. He slides a hand into her hair and the same scent as before wafts over him and if he wasn't so focused on the girl in front of him, he'd take the time to wonder why the smell reminds him so strongly of his grandparent's house.

"Jax," Tara says softly and he's wondering if that's his signal to back off, but she's tilting her chin up and her eyes are fluttering closed so he closes his too and gently presses his lips to hers.

 **AN:** Tada! Everyone can stop yelling- we have a full burn people! Since this is the mostly requested chapter ever, can I have the most amount of reviews ever? (And sorry for the Drake chapter name- I couldn't resist!)


	24. Library Cards

He remembers the fireworks from the fourth of July, that warm summer night with her pulled close to him and he thinks it's fitting, because kissing Tara is like fireworks are exploding all around him. Her little sighs, the way she presses her body to his, how her hands are resting at his lower back, he's never felt so lightheaded.

She tastes like spearmint toothpaste and he's trying to remember the last time he kissed a girl and it didn't taste like Jack and Coke. Her lips are soft and perfect and his stomach has completely dropped out. If he thought he was happy before, it has nothing on how he feels now.

Kissing Jax is both everything and nothing like she imagined it would be. Sure, she had thought about it- the feeling of his muscles under his shirt, the way his hair would feel if she ran her fingers through it, his lips, how his scruff would scratch her, and for the most part, that's all there.

But she never would've imagined that kissing him would make her stomach flip or bursts of lights behind her eyelids, her heart speeding up and stopping in irregular beats. She kisses with her eyes closed and her lips pressed to his and all she can think is that she wants more- more of him, more of them, more freedom, more happiness.

They finally separate, leaning back just slightly and Tara's gaze darts upwards, like she's scared that Jax is going to have a repulsed expression on his face, but he looks as dazed as her and she giggles. He blinks a couple times, coming back to real life, and frowns at her.

"What are you laughing about?" He asks, pressing their foreheads together and leaning into her.

"I just," Tara gets the giggles again. "I never thought I'd be kissing Jax Teller."

"Jax." He corrects and she tries to figure out what he's saying. "Just Jax. With you, I'm not a Teller, I'm just Jax. Happy Jax."

"Happy Jax." She grins and runs her fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes briefly at her touch then kisses her again. He doesn't want to stop, he never wants to stop, he wants to keep kissing her until the whole world end.

"C'mon," He mummers when they break apart, both panting just slightly. "I have something I want to show you."

"And what is it?" She asks and he raises a wicked eyebrow, gesturing to him bike. Laughing, she gets on and kisses beneath his ear, her breathy giggles making every hair on his body stand up.

"You'll see." He teases and they leave the cliff, Tara looking longingly over her shoulder. She tries to guess where Jax is going but he seems to know every back road there is in this town. She gives up when she thinks they're on the east part of town and then they pass the old, broken down gas station on the west side of town.

"Where are we?" She yells when he turns onto a dirt road. He doesn't respond, just reaches down and squeezes her knee. She gives up trying to figure out where they are and instead enjoys the rolling countryside. Finally, Jax rounds a curve and slows down, pulling his bike into a small, grassy meadow.

"We're here." He says smugly once he cuts the bike.

"And where exactly is here?" Tara asks skeptically, taking her helmet off and wandering into the open area.

"My family use to come out here on Sunday afternoons." Jax reveals, walking over to sit beneath the shade of a tree. The day is warming up quickly and Tara ties the flannel around her waist, sitting beside him.

"When you were younger?" She asks quietly and he nods, lost in thought.

"When Tommy was still pretty little. Mom would pack a picnic lunch and we would come out here to eat it. Her and my dad would sit and read or do something else and we'd go exploring and play. Climbed plenty of trees." He chuckles. "Fell out of a lot of them too."

"What games did you play?" Tara asks and she sounds slightly wistful.

"Pirates, mostly." He recalls, absentmindedly reaching over and pulling her into his side as he leans back and light filters down through the leaves. "There's a little creek down there that's probably dried up by now, but we use to pretend that we were on the open sea."

"Rescuing damsels in distress?" She jokes and he thinks about it for a second.

"Actually, I don't think girls ever came up." He admits. "A seven headed squid that was trying to drag our boat down, that came up, but never girls."

"Seven heads, that's a little unrealistic." Tara says skeptically.

"Back then it was more realistic than girls." Jax says in amusement and that makes Tara laugh.

"You know, your stories with Tommy, kinda makes me wish I had siblings." She says, rubbing her thumb over his hand.

"It wasn't all sunshine and roses." He says quietly. "We fought a lot. When he got sick, we had been fighting about something stupid. I knew he wasn't strong enough to keep up with me, but he was so stubborn and I hated telling him no."

"What happened?" Tara asks him in concern and Jax shuts his mouth tightly, shaking his head. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I just…"

"No, it's fine." He takes a deep breath. "It's just all these years later and it doesn't get easier, you know? I've been to so many funerals and it still sucks. You'd think I'd be good with death by now."

"Who else has died?" Tara asks him and he pauses, thinking it over.

"My uncles." He says slowly. "My mom's little brother died when she was a teenager. And then there's the guys in the club, I mean, we lost Uncle Tom this year," His hands briefly clench into fists, but he carries on. "And Uncle Chico, he died when I was 13. Uncle Otto, we lost him when Tommy was still little, so I was maybe 9? 8?"

"Who are these men?" Tara demands in astonishment.

"My club uncles." He says easily. "And uncle Wally, he went to Jersey. Uncle Keith is in Ireland, they're a little bit spread out."

"I just…" Tara trails off, deep in thought.

"What?" Jax asks curiously.

"I thought my family was big." She mutters and he smiles, leaning back.

"Club is family." He turns to face her. "Or at least that's what my mother drilled into my skull since I was a baby."

"It must've been nice though, in a sense." She is running her pointer finger up and down his forearm absentmindedly and he's never been more acutely aware of just how tender that area is. "Having all this family around you all the time."

"It had ups and downs." He closes his eyes, the warmth of the day making him drowsy. "I mean, I can't do anything in this town without my mom knowing about it ten minutes later."

"I'd rather have that than my dad. I could blow up the school and he probably won't even bat an eye." She says with distain.

"I would." Jax reassures her. "But I mean, you only have a couple more years there. Don't do anything dramatic."

"You do too." Tara says in faint alarm, turning and looking at him. "You'll only be a junior this year."

"I'm thinking about getting my GED." He tells her and she leans away from him.

"Why?"

"Because once you're 16 you're legally allowed to drop out of high school with your parent's permission. I'll drop out, get my GED, and start work at the shop." He's rather proud of his plan to leave Charming High, but he can tell from the look on Tara's face she's not.

"I think that's insane." She's muttering and he frowns at her.

"Why?"

"Because you're smart!" She says loudly, sitting up straight and looking sternly at him. "You're really smart and you're going to throw it away to what, become a mechanic?"

"Don't hate on mechanics Tara, my whole family are ones." He warns and she shakes her head.

"I'm not, I just, I could see you in college, writing. You're an amazing writer." She searches his face eagerly.

"You've only read one thing from me." He says slowly.

"Then let me read more." She says slyly and he kisses her as a distraction.

The rumbling of Tara's stomach and her shorter, sassier answers to Jax's teasing questions alerts him to the fact that he should probably feed her. He drags her back on the bike and to a small pizza place, tucked in one of Charming's back alley's.

"How have you never been to Pete's before?" He demands and she shrugs.

"It's not like my dad really takes me out for supper." She points out, slightly sassy.

"Well I will." Jax says stoutly and opens the door for her. Rather startled, she slides past him and is immediately overwhelmed by the smell of warm dough, garlic, and tangy oregano sauce. "This is the best pizza you are ever going to have."

"Well I mean it's not frozen so you're already doing better than what I'm use to." She jokes as they file into line behind large construction workers that are laughing and brushing dust off themselves.

"I would recommend the pepperoni." He tells her, pulling his wallet out. She quickly goes to grab the money she's tucked in her shorts pocket and he frowns, waving her hand away.

"I can buy my own pizza." She says hastily.

"Let me take you on a date Tara Knowles." He says, a quirk in his eyebrow and a slightly challenging hint in his tone. "Besides, it's like 2 bucks. What kinda soda do you want?"

"Water." She says automatically and Jax rolls his eyes, walking up to the counter and giving the girl sitting there a dazzling smile.

"Hi, two pepperonis, and I'll have a Coke and she'll have a water." He lists off, handing the girl a bill and telling her to keep the change. A second later he has their plates in hand and he guides her to a little corner booth, beside the window.

"Oh, jeez." Tara says with wide eyes when he slides the plate in front of her. "It's huge."

"Well thanks babe but should we really be talking about such things in public?" He winks and she rolls her eyes.

"I was talking about the pizza." She picks up the piece, nearly as big as her face. "It's massive. How do I eat it all?"

"Well I'll be here to encourage you every step of the way." He says seriously and she glares, taking a bite. Her eyes go even wider.

"Ok, you were right." She says, once she swallows. "This is, hands down, the best pizza I have ever had."

"Told ya." He says smugly, already three bites into his. They fall into silence, eating. Jax has his finished before Tara even gets halfway. He gets up to get another slice and nearly manages to polish that off before Tara eats the last bit of crust and leans back, groaning.

"Now I just never want to eat again." She complains.

"I said it was the best pizza, not the best pizza for physical activity." He puts his hands behind his head, grinning, and she throws a bit of her straw wrapper at him.

"I should be getting home soon." She says, sighing and sliding out of the booth.

"Why?" He fights to keep his voice impassive but he knows by the crinkle around Tara's eyes when she smiles that he's failed.

"Because I have a house to clean and books to read." She explains, weaving her way around tables and people with pizza boxes to go through the backdoor and the small parking lot where Jax had parked.

"There's nothing left to clean that we didn't already do the night before." He disproves. "And you cannot possibly have that many books."

"No, I'll probably reread something, but I would like to." She says longingly and he gets an idea.

"Alright." He gets on the bike and she frowns slightly.

"What?"

"Get on." He holds out her helmet. "I have an idea." She purses her lips then puts the helmet on and gets on. He drives back through downtown, towards a large brown building with high windows and colorful plants surrounding the steps. A sign above the door is labeled 'Charming Public Library'.

"You know where the library is." Tara says with clear surprise, getting off the bike and looking up at the building.

"And I even have a card." He informs her and she looks more impressed than he's ever seen her. "C'mon, let's go get books."

"You can read?" She asks with mock surprise.

"Watch it or I'll start to think you never even thought there was a different side to me." He says, opening the door for her and she gives him a knowing look, walking into the library.

The change in her demeanor is almost instant. She visibly relaxes, taking a deep breath in, a sense of calm overtaking her. Jax, pretending to be flipping through some magazines, watches as she walks into the mystery aisle. He eventually wanders to the fiction side of the library and spends some time thumbing through books before taking a couple in his arms and going to find Tara. He stops when he rounds the corner and looks at her fondly.

She's sitting on the floor, a couple stacks next to her. She's engrossed in one book, her hair tumbling down to obscure her face, her legs folded up under her. She's got the same calmness about her before and he gets the sense that this is her domain, her safe place.

"Are you having fun watching me?" She mummers and he jumps, thinking she hadn't noticed him. She smiles and folds down the corner of the book, looking up at him.

"You look peaceful." He admits. "I don't see that in you very often."

"I like to read." She gathers up as many books as she can in her arms. "It's easier to understand people in books than it is in real life."

"What about me?" He teases as they walk to the front desk with their mess of books.

"Oh I don't think I'll ever understand you Jackson-something-Teller." She says coyly.

"Nathaniel." He says suddenly and she frowns slightly, tilting her head. "My middle name."

"Oh, that's nice." Tara smiles and offers the librarian her stack of books. "Mine's Grace, after my mom and her mom."

"My mom's dad is named Nathaniel, but they call him Nate. And her little brother, he was Nathaniel. And now I am too." He grabs the bag full of books and carries it for her as they walk back out into the sunlight.

"God, my house is going to be hot." Tara comments, turning her face to the sun. "No air-conditioning."

"My house has it." By this time, Tara just knows to grab the helmet and hang on to him and the bag. The sight of Jax's grin when he helps her on the bike brings back memories of that night Donna had told her to look, really look at Jax. That had been the first time she's admitted to herself that feelings were really there.

He lets her in and she truly takes in the house. There's pictures of Jax splashed everywhere, tacked to the fridge, in frames on every surface and hanging on the walls. Jax moves with ease, throwing himself down in a chair and kicking his shoes off. Tara curls up in the corner of the couch and pulls the thickest book out. Silence falls quickly and comfortably as they both get absorbed in their books.

"Jax, where the hell have you been all day, I was thinking we could—" Opie's loud voice cuts off as he walks into the living room and spots Tara. "Oh, hey Tara."

"Hi Op." She smiles and closes her book, glancing at Jax. "Sorry, we must've lost track of time."

"Only a couple hours." Jax reassures her, checking the clock. "But I did promise Op to hang out today, is that ok?"

"Of course." She picks up her books and then a little hesitantly, Jax's flannel. "I can walk home, it's not far at all."

"No, I'll give you a ride." Jax insists. "Besides, Op can wait, can't he?"

"Sure." Opie rolls his eyes and opens the fridge.

"Thanks." She says quietly and Jax grins at her. The ride home, she's not sure what she's going to say to him, except that she had fun, and she wants to do it again- all of it. The pizza, the ride, the books, and especially the kisses.

"Hey." Jax stops her before she can get off the bike. "I had an amazing time today."

"Me too." She admits, a little shyly.

"Good." He says, satisfied. "That means I can do it more often. I'll call you."

"Ok." She bends down and kisses him once more, the heady kisses that make her giddy.

"Tara, wait." He says as she turns to walk away. "Here. Have something else to read." Quickly, like he could change his mind at any second, he hands her a small black notebook and then blows her a kiss, backing down the driveway. Frowning slightly, she walks inside, stripping down into the barest layers possible and flops down on her bed, holding the notebook above her head.

 _Survivor. We overuse that term so often. I sit here in this ridiculous school and I hear it all around me._

 _I survived that brutal math test!_

 _Dude, I'm not gonna survive that mile run today for gym…_

 _I cannot believe everyone survived that party this weekend, it was out of control._

 _I'm failing chemistry, I'm not gonna survive my mom finding out._

 _But what are these things? Why are we surviving them? What does that mean for the real survivors, the ones that live through bombs, through wars, through murders, through death camps and genocide and terrible, awful things?_

 _I was once called a survivor. The doctor that treated my brother, my brother who died of a heart defect, called me a survivor in an attempt to reassure my worried mother's nervous soul. He checked my heart, the one that possess the same flaws as his heart did, the same flaws as my mother, the same flaws as my uncle I never met._

 _What a trooper! He proclaimed. He's a survivor for sure._

 _A survivor of what?_

 _Grief?_

 _Despair?_

 _Anger so real I thought it would take form and I could physically fight the rage bubbling inside of me?_

 _A survivor of my own heart, my own body, which at any moment could turn and betray me. A reminder that I am a part of myself and still not, in control and still not. Survivor conjures to mind this strong, triumphant being, winning over their enemy. But I have not. I am still vulnerable._

 _I look at the people around me at this school and I think, what have you survived?_

 _Losing your little brother, who was your whole world?_

 _Losing your best friend for months, the only person who ever understood you?_

 _Losing your father, who is suppose to raise you and guide you?_

 _Losing uncles and family to brutal, horrible things, and having no choice but to put on a tough face, stiffen your upper lip, and carry on?_

 _Losing your mind trying to figure out who you are and who others expect you to be?_

 _Survivors guilt is real and I have it. I constantly question- why me? Why did I make it through the minefield of growing up with a defective heart when Tommy didn't? Why is it every time I get on a bike, I don't slam into a semi like my father did? How am I living, breathing, walking, surviving when so many others that I love aren't?_

 _It's hard not to have a bad attitude. I should be grateful to survive, to walk through the fire. But there's something these people don't know, the ones that so casually call themselves survivors of finals, of coach's death practice, of a stern mother. Something true survivors feel in their souls, glinting in their hardened eyes._

 _How can you be happy to survive the fire when all you see after is the scorched earth of what could've been?_

Stunned, and nearly on the verge of tears, Tara closes the notebook and curls up with it.

 **AN:** Alright, seeing the sweeter side of Jax! Now that we're officially rolling towards couple territory, let me know what you think!


	25. Fading Summer

"Man, I can't wait till you go back to school with Jax Teller as your boyfriend." Donna says smugly, taking a drink of her soda before sitting down in the desk chair.

"We're not dating." Tara says, exasperated, for what must be the hundredth time.

"Tara. We start school in less than a week. Are you, or are you not, going to pull up on the first day on the back of Jax's bike?" Donna points out, leaning back and watching Tara hesitate with obvious pleasure.

"I've been on the back of his bike before." Tara insists and Donna rolls her eyes.

"This time is different." She says firmly. "You know it, I know it, he knows, everyone knows it. Admit it, you're as close to dating Jax Teller as anyone has ever gotten."

"Not true." Tara mummers, doodling on the paper in front of her. Donna just arches an eyebrow before their yearbook advisor calls the meeting to attention, reminding them all that yearbook starts before school does, gathering pictures and information. Donna and Tara listen in, passing a note back and forth, discussing their plans for afterwards.

"We're going to make it a great year, people." He says loudly and they're dismissed, spilling out of the high school and back in the warm summer air. It's dusk, the sunset coloring everything golden. Donna and Tara start off walking towards the ice cream shop, discussing classes and teachers.

"Birthday cake batter." Donna says, standing at the counter and sliding the girl working a couple bills.

"Double fudge." Tara says, smiling and handing over her own money. The girl rings up their change and then scoops ice cream into cones, handing them over. Rather than try to face the heat, Tara and Donna sit beside the window in small, painted chairs.

"I think he will ask you to be his girlfriend though." Donna says smugly and Tara pretends that her ice cream needs all her attention so she doesn't have to answer. "Why do you think he won't?"

"Because that's commitment and this is Jax Teller we're talking about." Tara says dryly.

"This is true." Donna thoughtfully licks her sprinkle filled ice cream. "It took him like the better part of a year to commit to a bike."

"How do you know that?" Tara asks curiously, taking a big bite and flinching when she gets a brain freeze.

"Opie and I do talk about things." Donna reminds her pointedly.

"Really?" Tara feigns surprise. "I thought you two just made out."

"Watch it." Donna rolls her eyes and they fall into a friendly silence, eating their ice cream and watching the people walk past on the streets.

"So anymore news from your parents?" Tara asks finally, when all that remains of her ice cream is her sticky hands.

"No." Donna says, sounding far away. She doesn't take her eyes off of the young boy having a temper tantrum in the middle of the sidewalk, his mother desperately trying to tug him along.

"But they let you register for classes at CHS, which is a good sign, right?" Tara prods gently and Donna blinks, sighing.

"I don't know. My dad's just been gone longer and longer. My mom takes more pills. I don't think they know I exist." She broods. "So part of me thinks maybe my dad's just dropped it. I kinda hope he just runs off and leaves us behind. That'd be best for everyone."

"I know what you mean." Tara says quietly. "God, our friend group sucks when it comes to dads, doesn't it?"

"Well let's see." Donna's tone is hard as she holds up a finger. "Jax's dad is dead, your dad is an alcoholic, Opie's dad is an outlaw, and my dad is never around. We couldn't string together a good father if we tried." Tara snorts with laughter, getting up.

"I don't think we could string together a good mother either." She mutters and Donna arches an eyebrow, rising as well.

"Mine's a pill addict, Opie's ran away, yours is gone, but I'd say Gemma is a pretty good mom." She comments and Tara thinks about it.

"I don't know, she seems a little… Protective of Jax." She struggles to find the right word and Donna shrugs, the two of them walk down Main Street, listening to the sounds of a fading summer around them.

"I mean, she lets him party, he doesn't have a curfew, and he rides a motorcycle around with SAMCRO. That doesn't seem protective to me." Donna points out and before Tara can find the words to explain that's not what she meant, Donna changes the subject. "Speaking of partying, the guys are hosting the last one of the summer at the cabin. Are you coming?"

"Yeah…" Tara says slowly and Donna gives her a look. "Jax brought it up to me." She clarifies.

"Inviting you to parties, that's girlfriend material right there." Donna teases and Tara smacks her.

"This time I'm sticking to like maximum three Zimas." She mutters and Donna bursts into laughter.

* * *

"Hey you." Jax says warmly, letting himself into her house. She looks up from the book she's reading and smiles at him.

"Well hello." He flops down on the couch next to her and inspects the cover.

"Did you already finish your other book?" He asks, impressed. She nods and he laughs. "You are a wonder Tara Knowles."

"Well thank you." She says cheekily, kissing him. He weaves his hands into her hair and sighs deeply, resting their foreheads together.

"So are you coming tonight?" He asks, once their breathing has returned to normal.

"To the party?" She asks needlessly. She knows Jax is talking about the party, but all of the times they've hung out since the kiss have been at her house or his when Gemma is gone. They've hardly done anything public, unless she counts zipping through town on the back of his bike.

"Of course the party." His brow furrows slightly at if he's forgetting something.

"I just like hearing you invite me to stuff." She teases to cover her hesitation.

"Ah well if you promise not to storm out on me afterwards, I'll gladly take you." He teases and she sticks her tongue out.

"I'm not that girl any more." She mutters, looking down at the book in her hands.

"Oh, I hope you still are." Jax says and she looks at him with raised eyebrows. "That girl was interesting." He reveals and she laughs, shoving him. He catches her wrist and pulls her closer, kissing her deeply.

They break apart later, discussing the last bits of summer gossip, who's relationships will make it into the school year and who's will fade, who's hooking up with who, who will be attending the party single or taken tonight. Tara throws a pizza in the oven for them and Jax gets distracted by stupid cartoons on the TV.

"I don't know what I should wear tonight." Tara complains, taking a bite of her pepperoni pizza and staring thoughtfully into her closet. Jax, on her bed, absentmindedly flipping through a magazine, glances up.

"I like when you wear little crop tops." He offers his input and she looks over her shoulder, frowning at him.

"You like me in as little clothing as possible?" She clarifies and he tentatively nods his head. She rolls her eyes and turns back to her closet, sighing.

"Just wear something. You always look great." Jax says easily and she can't help the warmth on her cheeks.

"I just feel like this time is different." She mutters.

"Why?" Jax asks curiously and she struggles for words, gesturing helplessly. "It's the same as last time, you'll be on the back of my bike and with me. But maybe not hard liquor." He jokes then gets up and bends down to kiss her head. "I'll pick you up later, Opie and I are going to head to the cabin."

"Ok, see you later." She says, stunned. She remains seated on the floor in surprise until she hears his motorcycle roar down the street. Then she scrambles up and runs for the phone.

"Hello?"

"Donna!" She screeches.

"Holy shit Tara what?"

"Come! Over!"

"Demanding, wow. Ok let me finish grabbing all my outfit choices, I got a new red tank top, do you think that will match my purple choker or should I bring—"

"Donna!" Tara cuts her off. "Bring it all, I need to talk to you about Jax!"

"Good or bad?" Donna sounds alarmed.

"Good." Tara blinks a couple times. "I think."

"Ok I'll leave in ten." Donna promises and hangs up. Tara mindlessly cleans up her mess in the kitchen, trying to keep her hands and mind busy. She's moved from cleaning the living room to her room when there's a knock on the door.

"Coming." She calls, hurrying to unlock it. Donna barrels into the house, arms full of clothes and several bags on her back. Without preamble, she drops her clothes on the floor in a pile and grabs Tara's face.

"Tell me you and Jax are ok." She commands.

"Me and Jax are ok?" Tara says, bewildered.

"Good." Donna drops her face and bends down to pick up a ripped tank top with the faces of the Beatles. "Do you think I can wear this even if I don't like the Beatles?"

"I- What? Who doesn't like the Beatles?" Tara demands and Donna shrugs.

"I like pop." She says innocently.

"Then get a shirt with Mariah Carey on it." Tara waves a hand. "Doesn't like the Beatles, who are you?"

"Well sassy, wanna tell me what's going on with you and Jax?" Donna raises an eyebrow, tossing the Beatles shirt aside and rummaging through her pile once more.

"I don't know, so today he came over and we were talking about the party tonight and he just was saying something about how he liked the girl I was when I turned him down and all this stuff which just seems crazy to me, but then he said this party is going to be just like the last one, which makes me wonder, like does he mean just like last time, because last time we slept in the same bed and I got way too drunk and I yelled at these girls and we talked about our past and I don't know I just think it's crazy but he could've just meant that I'm going to be there like last time and maybe he won't even act like we're together and god what if that happens it'll be so embarrassing you know I only go to these parties for him and he knows I only go to these parties for him so what happens if I'm there and he doesn't really want me there I think I would just walk home and I don't even know if I want to drink I mean I shouldn't be drinking like it's not ok I'm so young but at the same like I'm not going to be my father, I'm not going to let it take over my life but Jax, he always brings this out in me and I just don't know how that makes me feel because what if he's holding me back and I don't know what I even want because I'm just a kid! I'm just a kid, you know?" Tara looks at Donna.

"Do you think I could wear a dress?" Donna muses, holding up a long black one, patterned with small white daisies. Tara looks at her in astonishment. "What?"

"Did you hear anything I said?" Tara questions and Donna rolls her eyes, standing up and pulling her teeshirt off so she can try on the dress.

"I heard a lot of 'blah blah blah' and then some overthinking and then a lot more 'blah blah blah'." She comments and Tara glares at her. "What?"

"I just spilled my heart out." Tara complains, feeling foolish.

"You did." Donna acknowledges, standing to check her reflection in a mirror. "And I think the fact you did speaks volumes."

"Alright, what insight into my brain do you have that I don't?" Tara grumbles.

"If you weren't serious about Jax, you wouldn't be doing all this overthinking. You'd just brush it aside because it would be nothing to you." Donna says helpfully and Tara huffs and storms to her room rather than admit that Donna has a point.

"Ok, this is what I'm wearing." Tara decides finally, walking out in jean shorts and a plain black tank top with an excessive amount of jewelry. Donna, wearing the dress, glances up and wordlessly removes three rings, two necklaces and four bracelets.

"I wish you had a leather jacket. It would look perfect with this." She says thoughtfully. "And it would look cute with my dress." She spins, grinning at her reflection.

"Do you have one?" Tara asks curiously and Donna laughs outright.

"Are you forgetting who my father is?" She questions, sitting down to put on lipstick. "He would say that hellfire is raining down from above on me if I touched a leather jacket with a ten foot pole."

"What would he say about the slit in that dress that goes all the way up to your hip?" Tara asks slyly and Donna grins at her.

"That's why if I ever got a leather jacket, I'd keep it at my aunt's house, like I do with all of this stuff." She explains.

"Hey, Donna." Tara says, stopping and thinking. "Why don't you just live there?"

"Live where?" Donna is darkening the eyeliner around her eyes, thickening it out.

"With your aunt." Tara is excited now, pacing her room. "You can just live there instead of having to move with your dad. I mean, she likes you, she lets you wear the kinda clothes you want, she seems great. Live there! Your dad doesn't seem like he wants a family anyways." She claps her hands.

"Maybe…" Donna says hesitantly. Tara stops and looks at her carefully.

"Not a good idea?" She asks quietly and Donna shrugs, finishing off her eyeliner before she speaks.

"An ok one." She smiles and caps the stick, tossing it back in her bag. "Are we ready for a party or what?"

* * *

"You two look nice." Opie comments, walking in. Tara grins and hefts her bag up higher on her shoulder.

"Oh, thanks Op." She teases, giving him a little hug before walking up to Jax.

"No crop top?" He asks a little mournfully.

"No, just really short shorts." She teases and he grins at her before they walk out, hand in hand, to his bike.

"Hang on." He mummers and she interlocks her fingers in front of his stomach, smiling to herself.

The sun is setting as they drive to the cabin, making everything hazy. For a moment, she feels like they're floating through space, weightless, timeless. Nothing can touch them. She laughs and throws her arms wide.

"Freedom." She whispers to herself and it makes sense. Jax and his love for this bike, for this feeling, all makes sense.

"Are you already drunk?" He shouts to her when she loops her arms back around him once more.

"Maybe." She says coyly and he shakes his head, laughing at her antics.

"What has gotten into you, Tara Grace Knowles?" He asks her, smiling, and she looks at him, surprised that he remembers her middle name.

"It's the last night of summer!" She recovers, grinning and taking his hands, spinning him around with her. "I'm just happy. I want to have fun."

"Good." He tucks her under his arm and walks with her up the stairs, into the cabin. "My girl deserves a little fun."

 **AN:** Filler chapter? Maybe. Essential for the plot? Maybe. Reviews? Pretty please. Also, a huge thank you for everyone who talked about Jax's writing last chapter- it's based on a conversation I had with a close friend, so to know that you all connected with it was huge.


	26. Pillow Talk

Jax's first order of business is to get them a drink. He uncaps her Zima for her and mixes a drink for himself, talking loudly to a group of guys. Tara hovers near him, trying to seem relaxed and casual, even though her hands are shaking and the condensation on the bottle makes it hard to grip.

"Stop looking like someone popped a lemon in your mouth." Donna comments quietly, moving to stand next to Tara.

"I'm trying to look casual." Tara complains. "Do you think people think I look like a bitch?"

"Well I don't think you look like a bitch but you know, that's just because I know you." Donna teases, reaching inside the pantry and producing a bag of chips. "Want to come with me to see Carl Manson try to walk on hot coals?"

"He's not really going to." Tara says, alarmed. "Because he will burn himself." Donna shrugs, eating a handful of chips. "I'm gonna go stop someone from doing something very stupid." Tara warns Jax and he grins, waving as she hurries outside.

She's too late to stop Carl, so instead she helps him hobble inside, bandaging his feet and sitting him down on the couch with strict orders not to stand or walk. When this is done, she goes on the hunt for Jax. She stops on the porch, breathing in the night air and enjoying the cooling day.

"How's Doctor Tara doing?" He mummers in her ear, coming behind her and resting a hand on her waist.

"Saw Carl did you?" She mutters, amused. Laughing, he turns her around and hugs her.

"He's doing keg stands because apparently that doesn't break your orders." He informs her, amused. She groans and shakes her head. "But because I knew you'd have that reaction, I brought you this." He holds up another Zima.

"How do you know me so well already?" She teases, taking a drink.

"I just know that you can't handle Jack and Coke yet." He kisses her head in a surprising display of affection. Tara takes a sip and pretends she doesn't notice the stares and whispers of girls across the porch. "Want to join Donna and Op down at the fire?"

"Sure." She agrees easily and he keeps an arm slung around her shoulder as they wander around the house.

"How's Carl?" Opie asks, looking up from his beer.

"Still an idiot." Tara retorts, sitting down beside Jax on a couch that someone's drug outside.

"Well, it's reassuring that some things never change." Donna says, grinning.

"Are you having fun?" Jax asks her quietly in her ear and she looks around, watching as Donna laughs, trying to tell the story of the time Opie nearly tipped the bike because she wanted ice cream so bad. Jax is radiating heat so that even if the warmth of the fire doesn't reach any further than her ankles, she's cozy. The world is fuzzy, but not warped, and her drink pleasantly makes her shoulders relax.

"I am." She realizes, smiling slowly at him. "I really am."

"Good." He pulls her in just a little closer. "Me too."

"Wow, aren't they adorable?" Donna mutters to Opie, nudging him and pointing towards Tara and Jax. The couple is sitting on the couch, heads bent together, laughing. Jax has a protective arm wrapped around Tara's slim shoulders and her legs are curled up under her as she talks animatedly with her hands, her half empty bottle sloshing dangerously up the sides, nearly spilling.

"Just cute as a button." Opie says dryly and Donna frowns at him.

"Aren't you even just a little proud of them?" She asks and he raises an eyebrow.

"Am I proud that Jax has finally managed to sit down with one girl for two minutes? Sure. It's been great, not having to chase him around all night." He stretches his legs out and relaxes. Donna rolls her eyes.

"We're responsible for that." She gestures to them. "We created it. Like a little baby. We had a little baby!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself." Opie warns, looking slightly worried. "We don't have any babies."

"Really?" Donna arches one eyebrow and he makes a face, acknowledging his face. "Cause we totally have a kid, it's called Tax."

"Tax." Opie echoes her then gives her a tired look. "Should I even ask why?"

"Like if you combine Tara and Jax, you get Tax." She says, as though it should be obvious.

"What about Jara?" He suggests and she opens her mouth then stops, thinking it over.

"We can try both out and see what we like best." She grumbles. He grins, tapping her wrinkled nose with a finger.

"You already know you like mine best, that's why you look so grumpy." He reminds her and she sticks her tongue out and hops up, prancing away.

"I'm getting more drinks, anyone want anything?" She asks their small group. Jax holds up a red cup.

"How many drinks have you had?" Tara asks him in slight concern.

"More than you." Jax's smile is broad. "I can't help it, I'm usually busy. When I'm just sitting here with you, all I have to do is drink."

"Maybe put more Coke than Jack in this one." Tara suggests to Donna. "And a Zima for me."

"Think you can handle it?" Opie teases and Tara sighs, looking at Jax, who's gotten up and is whooping, cheering on two guys wrestling at the edge of the light cast by the fire.

"I think I need to walk the fine line of being buzzed enough that I don't kill him, but sober enough that I can still take care of him." She muses.

"As someone that has walked that line many a nights, I will drink to that." Opie raises a bottle and drinks while she laughs.

"You're a good friend Opie." She mutters and he raises an eyebrow at her. She's still watching Jax, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Why's that?"

"He's not easy to love, is he?" She looks at him with her hazel eyes and for a second, with her curling dark hair and pale skin, Opie sees how young she is.

"He has his ups and downs." He admits evasively.

"Why do I feel there's more ups than downs?" Tara asks dryly and he sighs. "I'm not saying I don't like him or want to try and love him." She says hastily. "I just…"

"You can't have any problems in your life because you're always so busy working out his?" Opie suggests.

"Ah." Tara wraps her arms around her legs and thinks on this for a moment. "You know, when you put it like that."

"The thing is Tara, you do have your own problems." He reminds her. "You lost your mom, your dad is a worthless pile of flaming shit. You can't use Jax and his issues to distract you from your own. Because then one morning you're going to wake up and have to face your own shit."

"So what you're saying is that I need to focus on me instead of Jax?" Tara squints at him.

"No, focus on Jax. Takes some pressure off of me to watch him." Opie grins at her and Tara smiles back. "But don't let him suck you up into his shit. Sometimes, you're going to need to take a step back and figure out your own. And if you're there for him for his bad times, you need to make sure he's there for yours. You need balance. That's how it works."

"Is that what you and Donna do? She's there when your dad is sick, you're there when her dad threatens to take her away?" Tara watches him quietly and Opie takes a drink even though there's nothing left in the bottle.

"The good and the bad." He says quietly. "You make it work, you don't just give up." Tara senses that he's no longer talking to her so she flicks her gaze back to Jax. He's now wrestling, his blond hair reflecting the fire.

"Should I be worried about this?" She wonders aloud after a couple minutes.

"No, he'll stop, watch this." Donna says confidently, coming back with a beer, two Zimas, and a solo cup. Opie takes the drinks from her, popping the tops off. Donna puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles sharply. "Jax! Your drink is here." She yells.

"Oh sweet." He easily untangles himself from the other guy, patting his head and jogging over.

"I've done that a time or two." Donna explains to Tara's quizzical look. "You missed a lot of parties."

"Hey babe." Jax collapses down on the couch next to her with a rather sloppy kiss on her cheek. Tara looks at him in surprise.

"Well hi?" She says unsurely. He takes his drink from Donna, looking at her with wide, puppy dog eyes.

"I hope you don't move." He says suddenly, sincerely.

"Me either." Donna smiles down at him fondly.

"I love you Donna." He mutters, closing his eyes.

"Oh, I love you too Jax."

"You're so good for Op. He's my best friend."

"I know Jax."

"How drunk is he?" Tara hisses to Opie.

"Oh, this is pretty drunk." Opie observes and Donna nods. "Drink your Zima, then I'll help you put him to bed ok?"

"Ok." Tara unsurely takes a sip. As the night progresses, Jax's limbs seem to get longer and limper, splaying out over Tara and the whole couch. She's unbothered by the weight- the last Zima, plus sips of whatever Donna made later are making her lightheaded and sleepy.

"Alright." Donna says finally, elbowing Opie in the side. He tears his eyes away from watching an argument between a short man and a very tall woman to blink down at her. "We're putting the children to sleep now."

"What?" He asks, frowning slightly. Donna rolls her eyes and gestures to Tara and Jax, giggling in the corner of the couch, heads lolling back. "Ah."

"Uh huh." Donna says, unimpressed. "C'mon children." She gets up, clapping her hands.

"What?" Tara looks up, breathlessly laughing as Jax nuzzles her neck. She tries to push him away but he's relentless.

"I can't stomach this." Opie states behind her.

"It's sort of endearing, in an odd way." Donna says thoughtfully and Opie shakes his head.

"No, not at all."

"Let's go, get up, before Daddy Opie refuses to help." She orders, pulling Tara to her feet. Opie is a little less gentle with Jax- He grabs him by the scruff of his neck and yanks him up.

"Where are we going?" Tara asks curiously, her eyes wide.

"You two are going to bed." Donna says firmly.

"I'm not tired." Jax protests and Donna shuts her eyes for a brief moment to compose herself. Then she ushers them up the stairs and into the house. The party is clearly winding down, people asleep on various surfaces. Opie retrieves the key to the bedrooms from behind a picture of 9 men on motorcycles and unlocks on.

"In you go." He gives Jax a perhaps stronger than necessary shove.

"Not. Tired." Tara's muttering.

"Tell us that in the morning." Donna says kindly then shuts the door behind them. "Man, we're gonna be some great parents."

"We've got years of practice ahead of us." Opie reminds her and Donna smiles slyly, slipping arm in arm with him as he unlocks the other bedroom.

"What other things can we practice?" She asks with faux innocence and he hastily locks the door behind them.

"They act like our parents." Jax grumbles, sitting on the edge of the bed, rocking back and forth as he pulls off his shoes and then his socks.

"They think they are our parents." Tara is laying in the middle of the bed, giggling.

"Stupid." Jax pulls off his shirt and hand it to her. She looks at it in confusion. "To sleep in." He explains. "Unless you want to sleep in jeans."

"Oh." Suddenly nervous, Tara looks down at the fabric in her hands, wringing them. "Jax, I, um, well I've never…"

"What?" He asks, wiggling out of his jeans so he's just in his boxers. Tara keeps her gaze averted upwards.

"I've never done anything with a guy and I don't… I'm not… Ready." She says slowly.

"Ok." Jax agrees easily and she glances at him. "I just want you to have something comfy to sleep in."

"Oh." Surprised, Tara slowly stands up and pulls the teeshirt on. It hangs down to nearly her knees. Jax clothes his eyes while she undresses, nearly tipping over a couple times. Eventually, she finally collapses into bed.

"Hey." Jax says softly and she turns to look up at him, eyes wide. "I'm not going to push you for anything you don't want to do, ok?"

"I know." Her eyes are drooping, fading fast into unconsciousness. "I trust you."

"Good." Even as drunk as he is, Jax is coherent enough to know that this is a big deal for Tara. Tara with the broken family, the awful father, with all her walls and trust issues. So the next thing out of his mouth seems extremely logical. "Then be my girlfriend."

"What?" Tara jolts up out of bed, looking at him in disbelief. Jax would sit up with her, but his head is too heavy so he stays where he is against the pillows, grinning like an idiot.

"Be my girlfriend." He repeats, his words slurring only slightly. "I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Why?" Tara demands and he shrugs slightly.

"Because I love you."

 **AN:** Alright crew, I left you on a cliffhanger because I expect a little more reviews this week- so many of you read and don't review, please show your lovely, smiling faces! (And nice words. But constrictive criticism never hurt anybody, expect maybe a couple group projects.)


	27. Unanswered Questions

Tara awakes in a small ball. Her knees are pulled to her chest and once she extends out, she understands why. Her stomach _hurts_. And not just hunger pangs or cramps or anything else like that. It's rolling sickness, clenching and unclenching, threatening to make her vomit. She draws her knees back up, shivering.

She can feel where Jax is. She knows that he is sprawled out on his back, one hand above his head, the other on his stomach. She knows this because an elbow is digging into her back. She can feel the heat radiating off of him and she's not sure if she wants to roll over and absorb some of it or if that will just make her stomach worse.

She stays very still, wondering when the pain will settle. Slowly, inch by inch, she moves her way up into a sitting position, knees still to chest. Sunlight is streaming in, signaling that the day is already well underway.

The last day of summer. It gives her both a thrill of happiness and a bit of regret. She can't wait for school to start, to be back with homework to keep her busy and books to read, cooler weather and flashcards. But she's liked this summer, as strange as it was. She'll miss the hot days on Jax's couch, him watching TV and her reading, before dancing across the hot pavement as they run to his bike to get ice cream.

She looks down at Jax's sleeping form. He looks peaceful, blond hair pushed back and an angry red scratch on his jaw- apparently he hadn't walked away unscathed from wrestling. The corners of her mouth turn up slightly.

Her boyfriend. Maybe. The conversation had gone all fuzzy and she doesn't remember much- just that he had asked her and then he'd said something else, something that made her stomach clench in worry. He'd said I love you.

But he'd been drunk. They both had. Donna and Opie put them to bed because they were drunk. So does that change Jax's question at all? Does that matter? Maybe he just asked because he was drunk. Maybe he'd said that phrase because he was drunk. The thoughts make her head spin and when her head spins, her stomach feels like it's going to go with it.

She takes a couple deep, calming breaths but they don't do much so instead she rests her head on her hands and tries not to vomit in the bed. If she's very, very still, then nothing hurts and her stomach calms. But if she moves…

"Hey." Jax's voice is low and sleepy, rolling over to blink at her.

"Hi." Despite the pain in her stomach and the pounding head, she smiles at him. How can she not? He's adorable in the morning.

"Hungover?" He asks, squinting at her and she chuckles softly, trying to work the knots out of her hair.

"More than I care to admit to Donna or Opie." She admits and now he's amused.

"Same." He yawns and ambles out of bed, to the bathroom shared between the two bedrooms. Tara hears the water running and she thinks about how good a hot shower would feel right now. But her stomach is heaving again and with a moan she slumps back down.

"How you doing princess?" Donna's voice is far too chipper and Tara groans, pulling the covers up a little higher. "Aw, not well?"

"Don't sound so smug." Tara grumbles and Donna's smiling face appears when she pulls the covers up.

"How was your night?" She asks, climbing in the bed. Tara braces herself for the spinning and opens her mouth once she's sure it's passed.

"Just fine. Morning, not so great." She mutters and Donna is laughing, running her fingers through Tara's hair. She doesn't want to tell Donna about what Jax said last night in case it was just a fluke and they never speak of it again.

"Then let's get some hangover food." She suggests and Tara nods. Donna helps her out of bed, holding a trashcan in front of her worriedly until Tara rolls her eyes and tells her that she's fine.

They get dressed and walk into the kitchen.

"Good morning." Opie says and Tara gives him a wry smile, opening the fridge. She flinches at the sight of all the alcohol, reaching past it for a water.

"Good choice." Donna approves and Tara tosses her a bottle for her.

"Where's Jax?" Opie asks.

"Bathroom." The girls say in unison.

"Tara, tell him to hurry up, I'm hungry." He orders and she glances at him.

"Why is it my job?" She demands and the corners of his eyes crinkle.

"Yeah, maybe I should do it so she doesn't hop in there with him." Donna teases and Tara flushes red.

"I'm not- We're not- That." She stutters.

"Oh we know." Donna reassures her. "We sleep on the other side of the wall, remember?"

"You guys!" Tara stammers and Opie is laughing, which somehow makes it worse.

"We're just glad you didn't hear us. Or should I say her." Opie teases and Donna is laughing good-naturedly, bumping him with her hip and Tara thinks that she'd rather be in the shower with Jax, damn the rumors, than continue to hear this.

"Whatcha doing darlin'?" Jax asks, walking out of the bathroom wrapped in nothing but a towel. Tara is sitting on the bed with two pillows pressed to her ears.

"Not hearing anything Donna and Opie are saying." She says firmly and he raises one eyebrow, gently tugging the pillows away.

"They're not talking." He says, nonplussed.

"And apparently they weren't talking last night." Tara grumbles. Jax holds the pillow, looking at her in confusion, wondering if she's still drunk. "They were doing… Other… Things." She struggles and he laughs.

"Of course they were." He says easily, moving to open the closet. A couple pairs of pants sit on a shelf, along with a couple teeshirts.

"Doesn't that gross you out?" Tara demands and he shrugs, walking back to the bathroom.

"Love is a beautiful thing Tara Knowles." With a wink, he shuts the door, without seeming to realize that she's gone rigid at the L-word again. She manages to compose herself by the time he walks back out, fully dressed, blond hair damp and already curling. "I'm starving." He announces, walking into the kitchen.

"We were thinking the diner." Donna announces, leaning on the counter.

"Greasy breakfast food is the best cure for a hangover." Jax agrees, offering his hand to Tara. "I'm thinking about getting the full American breakfast."

Tara eats her two pieces of wheat toast with grape jelly smeared on them, watching in amazement as both Jax and Opie tear through the 'Full American' which consists of two pancakes, 4 stripes of bacon, a thick slice of ham, two eggs, sunny side up, hash browns with hot sauce, and 4 pieces of white toast with jam.

"How can anyone eat so much?" She wonders aloud, her stomach protesting even the plainness of the toast.

"Hungry." Jax grunts and Tara just tilts her head to watch in amazement as the food disappears.

"And you don't think you're going to throw up?" She questions, noting that her stomach, though holding down the toast, would likely revolt at bacon and eggs.

"No." Jax takes another massive bite of his eggs, mixing in the runny yolk with his hash browns.

"I might." Donna observes, setting aside her pancake with a revolted expression.

"Growing boys gotta eat." Opie shrugs, spreading raspberry jam onto the toast.

"Well sure but how do your families afford to feed you?" Tara asks in amazement.

"Mom jokes that she's gonna have to take out another loan." Jax says, grinning.

"I don't doubt that." Donna takes a small bite of Opie's bacon and he looks at her in astonishment.

"I was going to eat that." He protests.

"I know." She says, indifferent. "But you've already had everything else, I figured one bite of bacon wouldn't make a difference."

"It might've." He grumbles, taking an extra large scoop of hash browns. Donna just shakes her head, rolling her eyes.

"C'mon Tara, let's go to the bathroom." She says, scooting out of the booth. Tara follows her while the boys wonder why girls always go to the bathroom together.

"Hey, so I have a question for you." Tara says, pacing the cold, tiled floor nervously as Donna locks a stall.

"What?" Donna doesn't sound suspicious or worried and Tara wrings her hands, debating if she should tell her best friend.

"Jax asked me to be his girlfriend last night." She confesses finally and the reaction from Donna is far calmer than she had expected. She pauses outside of the stall, listening carefully. Then Donna speaks.

"If you didn't say yes," Her tone is even. "I will throw you into the ocean with forty pound weights attached to your ankles."

"Donna!" Tara says, affronted.

"And no one will ever find your body."

"Well he was drunk and we both just sort of passed out afterwards so maybe he doesn't even remember it." She explains and Donna groans loudly.

"Why do you two have to be wasted to make any progress whatsoever?" She complains.

"Well, then he said I love you." Tara admits meekly.

"WHAT." Donna yelps.

"We were drunk!" Tara repeats defensively.

"Oh my god, you guys stress me out." The toilet flushes and Donna emerges, glaring at her.

"Sorry?" Tara says meekly.

"Forty pound weights." Donna reminds her, washing her hands, shaking her head. "Fuck, Opie and I haven't even said that yet and you guys are dating for all of 15 seconds when he just blurts it out, Jesus Christ."

* * *

"And your total came out to $11.50." The waitress announces, handing Jax a slip of paper.

"Thanks for buying me my $1.13 breakfast." Tara teases and he laughs, tossing couple bills on the table and punching Opie's shoulder.

"Anything for you." He teases back. "I'll talk to you later, ok?" He leans around Tara and looks at Opie, who grunts.

"I'll call you later." Donna tells Taylor, a knowing twinkle in her eye.

"Great." Tara says, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Jax leads her out of the diner and to his bike.

"Mind if I don't take you home quite yet?" He asks her and she shakes her head, grinning.

"Where are we going to go?" She asks curiously and he smiles, strapping a helmet on.

"You'll see."

"You're such a sap." She mummers when he guides the bike off the road and into the meadow. Their meadow.

"Maybe." He admits, hanging his helmet and taking hers. "But only for you, Tara Grace." She grins at him and walks into the sunshine, turning her face upwards. The warm breeze and clean air did more for her hangover than eggs and bacon ever could.

"So why bring me here?" She asks, wrapping her arms around herself. Jax gives a small shrug, sprawling on the ground. She sits beside him, stretching her long legs in the sunlight.

"I don't know, it felt right. This place, I feel like it's kinda become… Our place." He says slowly and Tara is quiet, glancing at him.

"I thought you said it was you and Tommy's place." She says gently.

"It is." He assures her, a far off look in his eyes. "You just add more happy memories to it."

"Good." She snuggles into his chest. They stay there, in the sun, for a couple minutes, soaking their last day of summer in. Then Jax gently jostles her.

"Hey," He says softly. "I have a question for you."

"Mhmm?" Tara mumbles, having gotten sleepy in the summer sun.

"Do you remember what we talked about last night?" He mutters and Tara cracks a wary eye open.

"Do you?" She responds cautiously.

"Yes." He admits and she sits up, drawing her arms around herself tightly.

"Oh." Tumbles from her lips and Jax knows instantly that she's hesitating, doubting herself and him. He quickly takes her hands, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them.

"I meant it." He says quickly. "I do want you to be my girlfriend."

"Oh!" Tara blinks a couple times, startled.

"It's just, last night, you never responded, so then I wondered, but you know, I didn't want to say anything, because then-" Tara cuts him off by kissing him and after his initial shock, he responds with gusto.

"Yes." She says, giggling, as she leans away from him.

"Yes what?" He asks slowly and she laughs, resting her head on his chest.

"Yes, I will be your girlfriend." She says sweetly.

"Oh." It's Jax's turn to sound surprised and Tara laughs, burying her face in his chest. He laughs as well, kissing the top of her head. When they leave the meadow, all Tara can think about is that Donna was right. She's going to school as Jax Teller's girlfriend.

 _End part one._

 **AN:** Tada! If you want the companion piece that inspired this whole mess, it's in my other Sons story, Charming Little Moments, chapter 12. Well folks, we made it through part one! Part two... whole different ball game. I won't be posting next week (sorry) but it gives me plenty of time to write a nice long chapter. Lots of reviews for part one?


	28. Halloween Costumes

_Late October, 1994_

"Please." He whispers in her ear. She grins but doesn't push him away, which he takes as a good sign, so he doubles up on the kisses. "Pretty please?"

"Do you think adding a pretty in there is really going to help?" She raises an eyebrow, eyes sparkling with amusement.

"It helps sometimes." He argues and she laughs, rolling her eyes. She gently pushes him away and he pouts but lets her squeeze past him.

"It's not going to talk me out of chemistry." She informs him and he groans. "I'm going."

"But we'd have so much more fun, the back of my bike, maybe go out to the meadow, get some pizza…" He says temptingly and Tara pretends to think about it.

"Or I could go to chemistry and study for the big test we have coming up." She says, as though this is a novel idea. Jax frowns. She laughs, kissing his cheek.

"Fine, go be a nerd." He grumbles and she pretends to be affronted.

"Jax Teller's girlfriend, a nerd? Well that certainly damages his rock and roll biker image." She teases.

"Yeah, so I'm gonna keep it up by leaving school." He says loudly and all of the amusement leaves Tara's face.

"Again?" She asks quietly and he shrugs.

"All I got left is shop, history, and a study hall." He says dismissively.

"And you're failing history, which is why you need to use that study hall to get caught up." She pokes him in the chest, frowning at his easy smile. "You're not going to listen to me, are you?"

"Nope." He kisses the top of her head, then her lips for good measure. "Just like apparently I can't talk you into coming with me."

"Chemistry." She holds the large book high and gives it a wiggle. "You need to know it."

"Everything I need to know about chemistry we got right here baby." He gestures between the two of them with a cocky grin. Tara rolls her eyes and walks away.

"I'll see you later?" He yells and she waves a hand without looking back. She knows he'll be on his bike ready to pick her up after school. Jax laughs and slides his sunglasses on, swaggering through the crowd and out the doors to the parking lot.

"I hear they do it in a supply closet." That's the first rumor that greets Tara as she slides into the small red desk. She sighs, setting her backpack down and opening her chemistry book, pretending to be very engaged in her reading.

"Really? I heard that Jax just has to snap his fingers and she'll give him a blowjob in the boys bathroom." They snicker behind her and Tara focuses on the chemistry equation on the board. The whispers die down when their teacher walks into the classroom, hushing them.

Tara gets through most of the class without anymore rumors and once it's done, she grabs her backpack and sweeps out, head high. She's storming through the halls, face stony. Someone reaches out and grabs her elbow. She whips around, furious, ready to tear someone's head off.

"Whoa." Donna leans back in surprise. "Why do you look so violent?"

"Rumors." Tara says, deflating at once. "Apparently I like to blow Jax in the bathroom."

"Well, I mean, who doesn't?" Donna points out fairly and Tara snorts, looping their arms.

"How come you don't seem to get as many rumors as me?" She grumbles.

"Because more girls in this school want to sleep with Jax Teller than Opie Winston?" Donna suggests, as though it should be obvious. Tara makes a face. "And there's only one girl Jax Teller wants to sleep." Donna amends hastily.

"Please." Tara rolls her eyes. "I like the kid but I'm not delusional."

"Wait." Donna stops as Tara opens her locker, switching her books out. "Does that mean that you're ok with him sleeping around?"

"Hell no." Tara says, slamming her locker shut. "It just means that I'm more than aware of how he operates."

"Oh thank god." Relieved, Donna walks with her towards yearbook. "I didn't want him setting that example for Opie."

"Thanks for your concern." Tara says dryly and Donna grins, sitting down and opening a folder, doodling in the corner. When class is done they get up and wander out together, heading to their last class of the day.

"Man, it's only been like two months of school and I'm already sick of school." Donna mutters, as their teacher walks by, passing out their homework.

"Just be like Jax and Opie and leave whenever it strikes your fancy." Tara says brightly. Donna snorts, neatly sorting the papers into her folders.

"I'm beginning to think you're the crazy one, since you actually like school." She points out and when the bell rings, both girls sling their bags over their shoulders, walking out.

"I don't get what's not to like." Tara protests.

"Having to leave a perfectly warm bed at an ungodly hour?" Donna shoots back and Tara makes a face.

"You mean Opie's warm arms?" She points and Donna goes bright red but doesn't deny it. "It's ok." Tara rests her head on Donna's shoulder for a brief moment. "I'm just glad your parents had that fight and your dad finally left."

"Just because I haven't heard from him for over a month now doesn't mean he won't come back." Donna warns.

"Maybe he'll send the divorce papers in the mail." Tara says hopefully and Donna can't hold back her snort of amusement.

"Child support too." She mutters then they walk out into the sunlight. "Oh Jesus Christ." Both girls stop dead at the sight that greets them.

Jax and Opie are parked outside the doors, reclining on their bikes, waiting for their girlfriends. That isn't the issue. What causes Donna to put her hands on her hips and Tara to fold her arms is the fact that girls are crowding the boys, trying to touch the bikes and the boys.

"Do you think pepper spray would deter them?" Tara ponders and Donna glances at her.

"I don't think the boys are gonna pepper spray anyone." She chuckles at the mental picture.

"Who said anything about the boys?" Tara asks innocently then easily walks through the girls, cutting straight to Jax as Donna laughs outright behind her.

"What's so funny?" Jax asks, his eyes searching Tara's face. She takes a second to relish that he seems to pay the other girls no attention, fixated on her.

"Just reasons why you should really stop flirting with other girls." She says mischievously.

"I'm not flirting." He protests as she throws her helmet on and slips her legs over the bike.

"Good. Then don't start." She warns and he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, roaring off school property.

After school, the boys drop them off at Donna's house before muttering something about 'work' and disappearing. Both girls know their boys will join them again soon enough, so they settle into their homework, popping a fresh batch of cookies into the oven for the hell of it. When the timer goes off and Tara grabs ice cream, the door opens then slams shut.

"What smells so good?" Jax demands, wiping grease off his hands before grabbing Tara's face so he can kiss her.

"Do you have like a little chip in your brains that activates when we cook?" Donna asks curiously, putting on an oven mitt and pulling the warm cookies out.

"No, just extra sensitive noses." Opie deadpans before getting a spatula and scraping one off, flinching when it burns his fingers.

"They're hot." Donna says needlessly and Tara hands Jax a bowl.

"That's why we're putting them on ice cream." Tara explains, raiding the fridge for more toppings.

"Even better." Opie takes a bowl from Donna and adds several more cookies to his before a copious amount of chocolate syrup gets added as well. They migrate towards the patio outside, bringing their ice cream and homework with. As the guys discuss their bikes and what needs to be done on them, the girls finish their homework, checking answers between each other.

"So." Jax says loudly and Tara looks up from her history book with a quirked eyebrow. "Can we discuss actually important things now?"

"I'm sorry, is D-Day not monumental enough for you?" She asks sarcastically. Jax rolls his eyes at her.

"The halloween party." He says, ignoring Tara's massive eye roll besides him.

"Jax." Donna says patiently. "The party isn't until Saturday."

"So?"

"It's Tuesday."

"Donna." Now it's Jax's turn to adopt a motherly tone. "It's the biggest party of the year. We need to start planning and getting ready now."

"I thought the end of the summer was the biggest party ever." Tara says calmly, writing notes.

"Or New Years." Opie adds helpfully.

"Ok." Jax cuts them off, scowling. "Point taken. But it's a big party right?"

"Why do we always have to have a party?" Tara wonders. "Why can't we just, I don't know, get pizza and hand candy out and watch scary movies?"

"Because it's Halloween." Jax is staring at his girlfriend is disbelief and Tara gazes balefully back. "We have to party."

"You like to party." She corrects, kissing his nose and gathering up the dirty dishes to carry them inside. "I like pizza and scary movies."

"I'll buy you Zima." He calls into the kitchen.

"I like pizza and scary movies better." She calls back and Jax grumbles something then looks imploringly at Donna and Opie.

"If she's not going to help me plan, are you guys?"

"Get some pumpkins, some ghosts, some skeletons, and leaves. Done." Donna states, patting his cheek and following Tara inside. "Speaking of pizza, should we order some?" They hear her ask Tara. Jax looks at Opie in disbelief.

"I thought girls like planning parties and shit." He mutters, disgruntled.

"No, that's you." Opie reminds him, then yells into the house. "I want pepperoni!"

* * *

"So what costumes are we getting?" Tara asks Donna. They're standing in a bargain store, while Donna dives into a metal bin, digging through cheap polyester and feathers.

"Something fun." Donna declares and Tara sighs.

"Not helpful." She mutters.

"Something sexy?" Donna suggests and Tara rolls her eyes. "Something cute." Donna amends.

"How about something cheap?" Tara requests, pulling up what appears to be a witch out, frowning.

"Sure, I'm just going to alter them anyways." Donna says dismissively.

"You can sew?" Tara asks, looking at her friend in surprise.

"Mom use to, before you know," Donna mimes drinking from a bottle before grasping something and yanking it up. "Tara, this is perfect for you!"

"What… Is it?" Tara asks slowly. It's shimmery pink fabric, with lots of sparkles attached to it.

"I think… Cupid?" Donna checks the tag, frowning.

"No." Tara says flatly.

"But-" Donna starts and Tara pierces her with a glare. "Ok, fine. No pink. What do you want, slutty nurse? Slutty cat? Slutty police? Ooh, slutty fireman. You look so cute in red!" Tara stares at the pleather red suit and then back at Donna. "You don't let me have any fun." Donna accuses.

"I get called a slut enough at school, why would I give them any more reason?" She points out, rummaging until she finds something silky, something that doesn't quite feel so awful. She pulls it out and inspects it thoughtfully.

"Of course you pick slutty angel that isn't even that slutty." Donna sighs, shaking her head. "I could hem it shorter…"

"No." Tara says firmly, walking towards the changing room. She slips it on, inspecting it in the mirror. It's a simple, spaghetti strapped white dress, the silky material falling to mid thighs. Tara smoothes it down, appreciate that it doesn't cling to her bony hips. There's plastic wings that strap onto her back and a simple gold circlet. She walks out, raising any eyebrow.

"Why are you so skinny naturally?" Donna complains, holding several options for herself. "You can eat all the pizza you want and still be tiny, it's just not fair."

"Yeah but you don't look like you do heroin." Tara responds. "You actually have boobs."

"I do have boobs." Donna agrees, slipping past Tara and shutting the changing room door. "Ok what should I try on first, slutty dog or slutty cheerleader?"

"Oh, they sell Charming High School cheer uniforms here?" Tara asks brightly and Donna gives a shout of laughter.

They walk out of the store with their respective choices, Tara as an angel and Donna as a hippie. They get ready at Donna's, Tara applying light lipstick and finding gold flats. Donna braids her long hair and pulls on the crop top and fringed vest, leaving her purple hued circle sunglasses pushed atop her head.

"There's the boys." She says, perking up at the sound of bikes outside.

"I am not riding on a motorcycle in this." Tara says instantly, looking down at her tiny dress and back at Donna in alarm.

"And I'm not ruining my hair." Donna reassures her. "Obie's gonna drive us in his dad's truck."

"You know what I wonder?" Tara muses, grabbing her pillow and a small overnight bag.

"What?" Donna grabs her own stuff, throwing a brush in her bag and zipping it shut.

"What it would be like to just have a weekend where we don't have a party. Where we just hang out and maybe have a nice date, walking along the waterfront, get ice cream, eat pasta."

"Oh Tara." Donna looks at her with a mixture of pity and amusement. "You're dating the wrong guy for that."

"I know." Tara mutters and Jax walks into the bedroom, stopping dead in his tracks.

"You look… Amazing." He says, stunned. Tara goes pink, smoothing down her dress and glancing at him.

"And you're a…" She says slowly, inspecting him.

"Rock star." Jax supplies with a grin. Tara raise an eyebrow at the Motleycrue-esqe outfit.

"Something." She corrects and then glances at Opie.

"Lumberjack." He explains, gesturing to his flannel button up and jeans.

"I think you look the same as ever, even if it is handsome." Donna teases, kissing Opie's scruff-covered face. "Ok, let's go!" They ride to the cabin the truck, Jax behind them on his bike, Opie and Donna discussing how realistically long Donna is going to last in her platform boots.

"I can manage 3 hours, at least." She points out.

"You'll have them off in twenty minutes and will want a piggy back." Opie responds calmly and Tara hides her snort of amusement. Donna huffs and folds her arms, ignoring Tara and Opie exchanging knowing looks.

"You can have these two." Donna informs Jax, stomping into the cabin.

"What did you guys do?" Jax asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing!" Tara and Opie both insist.

"God, you just look great." Jax mummers to Tara, adjusting a cream cardigan slipping off her shoulder.

"I'm freezing." She admits, tucking herself into his side and walking with him into the cabin.

"Do you want my shirt?" He offers instantly. Tara looks up at him, grinning.

"Wouldn't that ruin my angel-look?" She points out and he laughs, kissing her forehead.

"You always look like an angel, Tara Grace."

* * *

"Wow, what a slut." The cluster of girls by the bathroom are whispering amongst themselves, looking at Tara with disgust.

"Does she think she's fooling anyone with that dress? Trying to be an angel, as if."

"Trying to look all sweet and innocent."

"What a brat. Thinks she's better than anyone else."

"Does she think being in a white dress is going to fool anyone?"

"Maybe she's trying to get Jax to marry her."

The snickering makes Tara want to go half out of her mind, but she takes a deep breath and calms herself down. The alcohol- strong and dark, mixed with Coke, is making her hands heavy. She idly contemplates how hard she could punch.

"It's gonna hurt you know. If you haven't done it before." A girl, dressed in all black leather with little cat ears on top of her head sits next to Tara on the couch. Her cup is filled with clear liquid. "Vodka-water. Want some?" She offers Tara the cup.

"No, I've got…" Tara hoists up her cup as an example.

"I'll save it for you for after then." The girl takes a long drink.

"After what?" Tara asks, bewildered.

"After you kick the shit out of those girls." The girl says knowingly. Tara frowns slightly, opening her mouth to protest. "I can see it, in your eyes. When someone is going to lose their temper, something clicks in their eyes."

"What?" Tara blinks a couple times, trying to figure out if she's just drunk. The girls laughs.

"You're dating Jax Teller. I thought you'd have learned that by now." She sounds curious, not judgmental, so Tara doesn't take offense.

"We haven't been dating that long." She says slowly.

"Longest Jax Teller's ever dated anyone." The girl points out and Tara is quiet, admitting her point. "I can tell you're good for him." She says suddenly and Tara looks at her in surprise.

"You and Jax know each other?" She tries and fails not to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

"Grew up together." She confirms. "Our dads knew each other. But don't worry." She winks at Tara. "You're more my type than him."

"Oh." Tara takes a drink to hide her surprise.

"Relax, I'm not hitting on you." She leans back, watching the party with bright eyes. "You just looked like you needed a friend."

"I usually have one." Tara slowly leans back against the couch. "She's outside, apparently people are setting pumpkins on fire."

"I know, but I got bored once I found out they don't burn well." The girl's eyes dance with amusement and Tara can't help but giggle. "And Jax is probably getting in a fight."

"Should we stop it?" Tara asks worriedly.

"Nah." She waves a hand, shaking her head. "He needs to learn when to pick his battles. And in the meantime, he has Opie to finish whatever he can't. Besides, you don't look like you've ever even punched a pillow."

"I have too." Tara says affronted. "I can throw a good punch."

"Oh really?" The girl sets down her cup and puts up her hands. "Throw a right hook then."

"Can't." Tara takes another drink hastily. "Drunk."

"I like you." The girl picks her drink back up and raises it in a cheers to Tara. "And I see why Jax does too."

"Thanks?" Tara says unsurely and the girl grins then gets up and disappears. Two seconds, Jax drops into the spot she left.

"There's my angel." He says, kissing Tara. For a second she forgets the mystery girl and kisses him back deeply, enjoying how the taste of beer and whiskey mingles on their lips.

"There's my rock star."

"Always ready to rock your world baby." He winks at her and she rolls her eyes, pushing him away in a teasing fashion. "What have you been up to?"

"Talking to a girl actually." Tara looks around, frowning slightly. "She had dark hair, she was dressed like, I don't know, Catwoman?"

"I haven't seen anyone dressed like that." Jax frowns slightly.

"She said she knew you." Tara reveals. "Said that you guys grew up together. Your dads knew each other?"

"That's a lot of people." Jax is still frowning, mulling it over.

"She, uh," Tara mimes swinging a baseball bat. "Swings for the other team."

"She what?" Jax is looking at her like she's grown two head.

"She, you know, she likes… Me." She says lamely and Jax just stares at her. "She likes girls."

"Oh, Shea's here?" He looks around again hopefully. "I haven't seen her in ages."

"She's funny." Tara decides and Jax grins.

"She's a spitfire. She was lighting pumpkins on fire outside, Donna's having a fit."

"She said they didn't burn as well as she thought they would." Tara tells Jax, who laughs loudly. "And then she told me about fighting girls that say shit behind my back."

"She's informative." Jax agrees then pulls her into his arms. "You don't need to fight anyone, especially jealous bitches. And especially not when you're dressed up like an angel."

"I'm not an angel." Tara thinks aloud, looking down at her cup.

"No." Jax breathes. "But goddamnit if you aren't my saving grace."

 **AN:** PART TWO! So part one was more them falling in love, now that they're together, I'm going to to do little moments each month for roughly the next two years, while part three will be the explanation of why Tara leaves Jax and Charming for 10 years. Sound good? Let me know in a review? Or you could tell me what you thought, what moments you're hoping to see, all that stuff. I love feedback!


	29. Hold My Hand

_November 10th, 1994_

"I need help." Tara grabs Opie's ear, dragging him away from a group of guys and out a side door into a courtyard before releasing him.

"Ow!" He protests, looking at her in astonishment.

"What?" She asks, looking at him. He gestures to the deserted space then his ear. "Oh sorry." She says dismissively. "But this is the only time you're not glued to Jax's hip cause he actually goes to American Lit."

"And what class should you be in?" He asks, folding his arms and quirking an eyebrow.

"Study hall, but Muggs lets me leave early because I give him advice on how to grow tomatoes." She explains easily and before Opie can even ask what she's talking about, she carries on. "I wanna talk about Jax."

"What about him?" Opie sits on a worn and cracked stone bench, dedicated by the class of 1940. Tara sits next to him, anxiously picking at the nail polish on her fingers.

"You want know what tomorrow is." She says nervously and Opie sighs heavily. Of course he knows what tomorrow is. "I guess I just wanted some advice on how to, you know, handle him."

"Handle him?" Opie gives her an incredulous look and she sighs, rubbing her temples.

"Opie, I know how I get when the anniversary of my mother's death rolls around." Tara's flat voice causes Opie to flinch. He always forgets that Jax isn't the only one that's lost a parent. "But this is the first time for Jax. It's going to be rough. It's going to be hard. And I want to be there for him but I don't know how." Her voice breaks.

"Hey." Opie says softly, sliding closer to her and picking up her hand. "You're doing great so far."

"Everyone says that." Her hand is trembling slightly. "But it's not like I have a plan, I'm just winging it."

"That's the beauty of it, you don't have to think about it. That's what makes it so perfect, it's natural." He reassures her and she takes a deep breath.

"I'm just worried. Should I leave him alone? Should I distract him? Should I encourage him to talk about it or just pour shots? I need some advice. I like Jax too much to mess something this important up." She admits.

"Well," Opie says slowly. "I'm not sure if things will be different because it's you or because it's his father, but at least when he's with me and it's Tommy's anniversary, he usually just wants silence."

"Oh no." Tara's face goes pale and one hand flies up to cover her mouth. "Opie, I forgot about that. When… When is that date? Did I miss it?"

"No." Opie closes his eyes, a calendar date looming large. "It's April 4th."

"How do I handle this?" Tara wonders, shaking her head. "How do you do it?"

"You just do." Opie shrugs. "Be there for him. Don't think about it so much. You already do great."

"I just…" Tara hesitates and then looks at Opie. He's surprised by the level of vulnerability in her face. "I want to be the girl he goes to. I don't want him trying to drown his pain in some… Whore."

"Well." He can't quite hide the smile on his face at Tara using such language, but also how genuine she seems. "Then be there for him and make sure he knows you are. That's all I can offer for advice because you and I play slightly different roles in Jax's life."

"That we do." Clearly amused, Tara smiles and stands, offering him her hand. "What would Jax and I do without you?"

"Don't thank me." He holds open the door to the school for her. "I'm not the reason you to got together, that was all Donna."

"Yeah but I get the feeling you're going to be what keeps us together some days." Tara smiles at him and disappears back down the hallway, seconds before the bell rings and students spill out of classrooms.

* * *

"Good morning." Tara greets Jax with a kiss as he walks into the kitchen to pick her up for school. "Here."

"Oh, thanks." He accepts the piece of toast with brown sugar and apple slices with what appears to be an attempt at a smile.

"I can't get the apples quite as thin as you do." Tara calls, heading back into her bedroom to get her backpack. "But I thought I did an ok job!"

"You did great." Jax tells her after swallowing his first bite. She walks out, smiling at him. He's got a funny expression on his face, looking at her like he's never properly seen her.

"Yes?" She asks, tilting her head in slight confusion.

"Come with me." He utters and she blinks twice. "Skip school. Get on my bike with me. Spend the day doing god I don't know, something, anything. Things that make us feel alive." He clarifies and for a second, Tara's planner flashes before her eyes- presentations in english in second hour, a quiz in math 6th hour, all the homework she'll miss.

"Yeah, of course." She drops her backpack with a thump before she even realizes what she's doing.

"Ok." Surprised, a small but clear smile crosses Jax's face. Tara smiles back encouragingly and takes his hand, letting him lead her to his bike. She straps the helmet on and forgets that she should really be memorizing the important political moments of the last century in American politics. Today, she just wants to erase one moment from Jax's mind.

They drive on the highway, Jax's hair flattened to his skull with the wind. Tara's not sure how or why he knows the twisting backroads so well but she hangs on, wondering if the roar of the wind is the silence Opie spoke about.

Finally Jax slows down, taking a dirt road before coming up to an old barn. Tara has enough questions to talk Jax's ear off for an hour but she remains quiet, getting off the bike and following him into it.

He's standing in the fragmented light, looking around, hands in pockets. The sunlight illuminates the motes of dust swirling in air. It smells like dirt and hay and Tara thinks if she closes her eyes, she'll hear a cow moo lowly or a horse neigh. Jax looks startling out of place, in his jeans and dark teeshirt, looking around with eyes that threaten tears but won't let them fall.

"What is this place?" She asks quietly, before she can help herself.

"My grandpa's barn. Or it was." He says heavily and Tara snakes an arm around his waist. "He died when my dad was in Vietnam. My grandma didn't last much longer after that. My mom never even met them. He was a poor farmer. My dad use to say that after Vietnam, all he inherited was some land and a whole lot of hatred towards his country."

"I didn't know your grandparents were dead." Tara tries to be a pillar of support, but her curiosity to know her boyfriend wins out.

"Just them. James and Anna." He says the names without a flicker of emotion. "I still have grandpa Nate and grandma Rose, even if I don't get to see them very often."

"Oh." She rubs his arm and lets them fall silent.

"My dad, he liked this place though." Jax explains, once he's seemingly worked through some emotions. "Said he use to hide out in forts here. The cows were his big brothers and sisters. Only children, they get lonely."

"We do." Tara mummers in agreement, wandering around the barn, noticing notches where tools must've once sat, a rut where a ladder had been placed, the dust from years of feed that must've been poured in the trough.

"My dad sold it, after Tommy died and he went to prison." Jax is still talking like he's unaware he's speaking aloud, more of a stream of consciousness. "The new owners just wanted the land. They didn't care about some run down barn. They'll tear it down one day, I'm sure of it. But for right now… It makes me think of my dad, as a kid. And then I don't miss him as much, you know? I can separate this lonely kid from that broken man."

"You think your father was broken?" Tara takes Jax's hand, trying to bring him back down to earth.

"We all were." The far way look in his eyes remains. "After Tommy died, we were all broken. My dad, he never recovered. My mom, she never really did either. I don't… I don't think I did."

"Hey." Tara says softly, gently caressing his cheek. "Hey, Jax… Jackson Nathaniel. Come back. Come back to me." He blinks a couple times.

"Sometimes I…"

"I know." Tara reassures him, pulling him into a hug and running her hands through his hair. "I know. I know." Jax stays in her embrace long enough for the dust to settle down on them, coating them in gold, before she gently rouse them.

"I'm sorry." Jax apologizes, voice thick.

"No." Tara keeps smiling encouragingly, rubbing his arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She kisses him deeply and he responds in kind, backing her into the wooden walls until she's breathless.

"Ok, I'm ready." He mummers finally, pressing their foreheads together and she lets her mind clear before cocking her head and glancing at him.

"For what?" She asks and he takes her hand, leading her back to his bike.

"I promised you a day of living." He offers the helmet to her. "So why don't we go do it?" Beaming, she climbs on and holds him tight.

* * *

"Please?" She begs, tugging on his hand. Mouth clamped firmly shut, he shakes his head. "Pretty please?"

"Nope." He says flatly and Tara rolls her eyes.

"Jax, don't be such a baby."

"I'm not doing it Tara!"

"You're the one who said today is all about feeling alive."

"Yeah," Jax's eyes flick upwards distrustingly. "That means not dying."

"Jackson." Tara is impatient now, crossing her arms. "It's perfectly safe."

"Tell that to all the people that have gotten an arm or something ripped off!"

"Now you're being dramatic." She rolls her eyes. "You willingly go a hundred hours on a motorcycle with no helmet and don't flinch. This cannot be more dangerous than that."

"On my bike, I'm in control!" He insists.

"Control freak." Tara accuses.

"Takes one to know one." He jabs back before he can help himself and then instantly anticipates her angry reaction. Instead she laughs and uncrosses her arms, grabbing his shoulders.

"Trust me." She implores, looking into his eyes. He hesitates then groans.

"Ok, fine." Squealing, she leads him into the line for the rollercoaster.

"It's going to be fun." She promises, as a man takes their tickets. Jax doesn't say anything- his lips seem to be glued shut in a determined effort. They get strapped into the car and Tara stifles giggles when Jax repeatedly checks the buckles and straps.

"You can't judge me for an girlish shrieks." He warns her and she laughs, too relaxed for his liking.

"I don't think Jackson Teller has a girlish shriek." She says thoughtfully.

"Just wait." He says through gritted teeth and the ride shudders. "What was that?"

"Relax, it's just starting." Tara reassures him.

"It seems like it could be broken." Jax cranes his neck around in an attempt to see behind him.

"It's not broken."

"Then why does it sound like that?"

"This is what rides sound like Jax."

"Sure, broken rides!"

"Jax." Tara takes his hands, hazel eyes still sparkling with mirth. "For two seconds, let go of control. Trust me, from one control freak to another, it's actually kinda fun."

"Tell Opie he gets the porn mags stashed under my bed, tell Clay he can do what he wants with my bike, you can have all my flannels-"

"Stop writing your will." Tara orders and the ride lurches to a stop at the top, making them sit there for an agonizingly long moment. "And just have some FUNNNNNNNN." The words are pulled from her mouth as the ride races down the first major drop. Jax screams in terror while Tara is screaming in enjoyment.

"I hate this!" He bellows as they whip around a corner and Tara whoops. "I hate you!"

"No you don't!" She yells back cheerfully, throwing her hands up as they head for the first upside down loop. Jax clamps his mouth shut and decides to work on not throwing up.

"Is it over?" He finally moans when the ride stops. Tara, hair windblown and cheeks flushed, bursts into laughter.

"You mean you don't wanna go again?" She teases as the buckles release. Jax practically climbs over her in his desire to get out. "Did you have any fun at all?" Jax leans against the railing, holding up a finger.

"Let me throw up first." He requests and she rolls her eyes.

"You may be a bigger drama queen than Donna. Impressive." She states.

"Let's go get a churro. That'll settle my stomach." He declares and amused, she follows along behind him.

"Helping?" She asks, as he doubles fists two of them, alternating bites.

"Churros are so much better than rollercoasters." He insists and she smiles, taking a bite of her own. "Tara."

"Mmm?" She glances up at him. He's gazing at her thoughtfully, the adorable expression somewhat ruined by the twin churros.

"When did your mother die?" Startled, she nearly drops her own churro.

"May 15th." She says automatically. The date is burned in the back of her mind, a day that always makes her flinch.

"Oh. So we weren't…. Talking or anything?" He says slowly and she shakes her head.

"Donna didn't really start harassing me about you till the end of the school year." She tries to joke.

"I just… We still have so much to go through." He says heavily.

"Like what?" Tara scoots a little closer to him, so their shoulders are pressed together.

"The anniversary of my dad's death, the anniversary of Tommy's death, the anniversary of your mom's death, all my uncles…"

"Uncles?" Tara interrupts, looking at him curiously.

"Yeah, sorry, that's why I refer to the guys in the club as." He explains.

"How many of them have died?" Tara asks, trying to hide her alarm by taking a bite of her churro.

"6." Jax says and he sounds tired but not shocked and Tara stares at him, hoping he's joking.

"How?" She asks finally, once she gets her voice back and Jax shrugs, distractedly finishing his churros.

"Stuff."

"Stuff like?" She pushes and Jax is pointedly avoiding her eyes now.

"You know, accidents. That stuff."

"Like your dad?"

"You know what?" Jax abruptly stands, tossing his napkins aside. "Maybe I do want to ride that rollercoaster again. I think the churros made me brave."

"Don't use that as a way to distract me from talking to you about your dad Jax." Tara refuses to budge. "You can't fool me."

"How am I trying to fool you?" He asks innocently as possible. Tara leans forward, eyes searching him.

"I know that grief you're feeling. I know it like the back of my hand. I know what you're going through, I know how it is. And I am going to be here for you, whether you like it or not. And one day you are going to open up to me and we are going to get to the bottom of this." She declares then stands. "But by all means, let's go on the rollercoaster again."

"Wha-" Flabbergasted, all Jax can do is trail after her as she strolls back towards the ticket booth. They're quiet all the way through the line, until they're being buckled in.

"You can hold my hand if you need to." Tara tells him, offering him her small, pale hand and he's not sure if she's referring to the rollercoaster or her statement earlier. But either way, he takes it.

They spend the rest of the afternoon eating amusement park food- Tara introduces Jax to funnel cake then promptly has to go get another one when he begins to hoard the first one. Jax wins Tara a small black teddybear with a purple ribbon around it's neck, bowing dramatically before presenting it to her. Laughing, they stay at the park until the sun nearly sets and Tara complains that she wants a real supper, not a corn dog.

"Hey." Jax stops her as they walk out, hand in hand. "Thank you for today."

"I told you rollercoasters weren't all that scary." She reminds him, grinning.

"I know." He smiles back and kisses her deeply. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably annoy Donna by stealing her boyfriend more often." Tara teases then leads him to his bike. He hands her the helmet and she straps it on without thinking, automatically climbing on and wrapped her arms around Jax. Then he starts the bike and for the first time, a shiver of fear runs up Tara's spine as she remembers what today is and how exactly Jax Teller lost his father.

 **AN:** Month two, we feeling it, yes, no? I've heard some people really for it (yay!) and some that are worried I might miss out on big relationship jumps. I pinky swear I will be using my months to document all the important things, but in my opinion teenage relationships at 7% important shit and 93% stupid fights about liking a person's picture. So we're gonna cut some of that shit out. If you are looking for some in between Jax and Tara moments, I highly recommend Charming Little Moments, my other story with like one Jax/Tara moment a chapter. Please leave a review, thanks for reading!


	30. Hamburgers for Christmas

December 23rd, 1994

"What did you get Opie for Christmas?" Tara asks Donna, as they lounge on Tara's bed, finishing up homework as cookies bake in the oven.

"I got him a Harley beanie, cause he's always wanted one." Donna is proud of her choice, grinning at Tara.

"God, I wish Jax was that easy to shop for." Tara complains, rubbing her face. "I got him picture frame with a picture from this time we went on a roller coster and he hated it. Plus his favorite candy bar."

"I'm sure he'll love it." Donna reassures her.

"What if he gets me something ridiculously big? Or what if he just got me like Tic Tacs?" Tara buries her face in her hands and Donna laughs.

"You worry too much." She decides, stuffing her books back in her bag. "Jax is going to love it, because Jax loves you."

"Ehh…" Tara pulls a face and Donna rolls her eyes, hitting her.

"He does, don't give me that. According to Opie, his words were that he has everything there to say I love you, he just hasn't yet." She tells Tara, who looks at her with wide eyes.

"Well I mean, he just blurted it out when he asked me to be his girlfriend, but it hasn't really came up since." The timer dings from the kitchen and the girls migrate towards the kitchen, Tara pulling the cookie out while Donna gets the frosting and sprinkles from the pantry.

"Baby steps. It's a small miracle that he calls you his girlfriend in public. Let him work up to the big three word thing." Donna advises and Tara sighs, picking up a sugar cookie shaped like a tree and slathering yellow frosting on it with more force than necessary.

"Boys are idiots."

"Don't we know it."

* * *

"Did you bring cookies?" Are the first words out of Jax's mouth as the girls walk into his house.

"Yes, calm down." Rolling her eyes, Donna hands him a platter of carefully decorated cookies. Jax eagerly sets in on the table, tearing off the cling wrap.

"Easy killer." Tara says in amusement, kissing his cheek.

"What are we having for supper?" Donna asks curiously. Opie gestures to the grill outside.

"Chicken, hamburgers, and steak." He says proudly.

"Merry Christmas." Donna says ruefully.

"Hey, my mom is gone, and usually she does the cooking." Jax says defensively, already picking up another cookie.

"How do you survive when she leaves?" Tara wonders aloud and Jax shrugs, crumbs on his face.

"She'll be back tomorrow with Clay and then she'll go into cooking mode." He says, grabbing plates and setting the table.

"And until then, we get chicken." Sounding half amused and half exasperated, Donna goes to check on the sides of stuffing and vegetables.

The girls are delightfully surprised to find that the boys are actually good at grilling and serve them. Jax finds a bottle of wine in his mother's stash and he pours them all glasses, making them feel like adults. They eat and laugh, teasing each other and talking about their favorite memories of Christmas's gone past.

Donna shares that once, her parents took her to a town up north for Christmas, visiting an aquarium and seeing a movie, opening gifts and eating Chinese food in their hotel room. Of course, she reflects, it was on a business trip for her father, but she was too young to know and now it's one of the happiest Christmas's she can remember.

Tara explains that she can't really remember a Christmas with her mom there, only vague hints and images she pieces together from photos. They use to have a big tree in the living room, with a delicate glass angel on top. As an only child, her gifts were piled high and thick around the tree. She remembers the delight of walking out her room on Christmas Day and seeing all her gifts, the smell of her mother's coffee cake filling the house. She only ever made it on Christmas. Now, Tara's lucky if she gets a single gift from her father at all.

Opie tries to make a joke out of the Christmas his father disappeared and his mother found him drunk and belligerent in the cabin, grumbling about the Christmas's in Vietnam. They'd hauled him home to dry out and Opie had opened his small gifts quietly in the living room as Mary had screamed in the other room that if Piney's liver failed, she wouldn't lift a finger to help.

Jax's story is the happiest- once, when he and Tommy were still pretty little, they went to the southern coast of California for Christmas. They watched boats decorated in Christmas lights sail past. They walked through the main street of some small town, filled with fake trees dusted with fake snow. Jax remembers asking for and receiving a bright red bike, riding it up and down the boardwalk the next day. He doesn't remember if the club was there or if it was just his family, but he remembers his parents being happy.

"Well, that was delicious." Jax sets his empty glass down, kissing Tara's cheek. "Let's open presents."

"Whoa. What kind of house were you raised in?" Tara demands, catching his belt loop and stopping him from walking away from the table. "Sit back down Jackson Teller."

"Why?" Genuinely confused, Jax looks to Donna and Opie for an explanation. Their faces mirror Tara's.

"Dishes." Donna says, as though it should be obvious.

"What about them?" Jax asks and Opie opens his mouth as if to stop his best friend but then thinks better of it and sits back, watching.

"We do them before we open gifts, that how it works." Tara says pointedly and Jax grins, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, the women wash them and we watch TV, that's how it works at my house." He says easily and Opie buries his head in his hands. Donna gasps and Tara frowns, smacking the back of Jax's head.

"No, you will wash them too you completely pompous ass, get in the kitchen." She orders and Jax, flinching slightly, goes.

"You know, for being raised by someone as terrifying as your mother, I still don't know how stupid shit comes out of your mouth." Opie comments and Jax snaps a towel at him, muttering under his breath.

"Ok, you can stop pouting now, dishes are done and we can open presents." Tara finally declares, once their wine glasses have been carefully placed back in Gemma's china hutch. Jax scrambles towards the tree like a child, eagerly sorting through the gifts.

"Donna, from Opie. Opie, from me. Tara, from Donna. To me, from Tara." He quickly divides the gifts then bounces over and sits next to Tara on the couch, eagerly looking around.

"You can go first Jax." Donna says in amusement and Jax tears at the paper without a moment's hesitation.

"What is it?" He mutters, producing a knife to slice through the tape on the box. Opie calmly sits beside Donna, absentmindedly twirling his fingers in her hair. He opens the box and produces a silver instrument. "Oh man, thanks Op!"

"What is it?" Donna asks curiously.

"It goes on my bike, it's customized and it's going to-"

"Ok, I don't care anymore." Donna cuts him off. "My turn!" She pulls white tissue paper from the red, sparkly bag with gusto and then reaches in. "Oh, Tara!" She reveals chunky black boots, the leather shiny in the light. "They're perfect, thank you!"

"I saw you in love with them, you're welcome." Tara beams at her and Donna blows her a kiss. "Op, you go next."

"Well alright." He looks between the two gifts before him, one immaculately wrapped, with neat, sharp edges and pretty white bow. The other is a mess of rips, tape, and inside out wrapping paper. "I guess I'll open Jax's first."

"Gee, I wonder which one that is." Tara teases and Jax shrugs, taking the jab in stride. Opie carefully picks through the wrap job, finally unearthing a bottle of amber whiskey.

"Really?" Donna says, with a massive eye roll. "You got him a bottle of alcohol for Christmas?"

"It's my favorite kind." Opie says, clearly delighted. "Thanks Jax."

"Boys." Tara and Donna share a look of disbelief.

"Well open Donna's gift then and see if it's so much better." Jax orders and Tara picks up her neat gift, gently rattling the small box. She unwraps it, opens the box and gasps.

"Oh, it's perfect!" She pulls out a little figurine of a girl dancing, her arms high above her head.

"What is it?" Opie questions curiously and Tara carefully hands it to him for examination.

"My mom collected them." She explains. "My aunt took them when she died. I've been trying to find some but it's damn near impossible."

"I didn't know that." Jax says, surprised. Tara gives a little shrug, taking the figure back from Opie and carefully tucking it back in her box.

"Open your other gift." She encourages him, smiling. He doesn't need much more encouragement than that- he picks up Tara's gift and practically dumps the bag out in his eagerness to get to it. He pulls out the candy bar and laughs.

"You know how much I love these, don't you?" He kisses her forehead and sets it aside. Then he reaches down and pulls out the picture frame, frowning slightly as he looks it over.

"What's that from?" Donna, feigning cluelessness, leans over Jax's shoulder, inspecting the picture.

"You…" Jax groans and Tara bursts in uncontrollable giggles. "Tara Grace. Why this picture?"

"It's my favorite." Tara tells him, eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Why do you look so terrified?" Opie snatches the photo away, inspecting it. While he and Donna laugh, Jax turns to Tara.

"A good memory on a bad day." He says quietly, taking her hands and kissing her knuckles. "Thank you. I love it."

"More or less than the candy bar?" She jokes, to alleviate the seriousness.

"Equal." He kisses her forehead as Donna tosses him back the picture and opens Opie's gift to her- a necklace with a small gold key on the end. She hugs him tightly and whispers something in his ear that alerts Tara that this is possibly a little more personal.

Opie opens Donna's gift, grinning and pulling the beanie on, walking over to a large mirror to inspect himself, proclaiming it as his favorite. Tara and Jax pretend to cringe as Donna and Opie kiss.

"Alright Tara, let's see what Jax got you." Donna says cheerfully. Butterflies rise in her stomach and next to her, Jax shifts uncertainly on the couch.

"Ok." Her hands have the slightest tremble to them as she picks up the wrapped gift. She removes the paper slowly, the rest of them watching with anticipation. The object is thin and long, rough. It feels like wood and she removes it carefully.

It's a carving of the word 'freedom', painstakingly done, surrounded by tiny flowers. Tara, flabbergasted, runs a hand over it, remembering all the times Jax actually went to shop class.

"Wow." Donna breaks the silence, impressed. "Jax that's pretty cool."

"It's perfect." Tara mutters, tracing the letters. "Freedom is happiness." Their saying, their motto.

"I'm glad you like it." Jax says and she kisses him deeply. They spend the rest of the night watching classic Christmas movies, eventually falling asleep with Charlie Brown in the background. Tara drowsily is aware that Jax is carrying her to bed and as she curls up under the covers, one of Jax's arms slung around her waist, she thinks to herself that maybe her happiest Christmas memory is one she hasn't even had yet.

 **AN:** Ok just a fair warning, savor this fluff because... SAMCRO is coming. Tell me what you think of my light and fuzzy Christmas scene!


	31. Mama's Boy

January 19th, 1995

"Why do we have to learn calculus anyways?" Someone is complaining in the hallway. "It's ridiculous and stupid and hard and I hate it."

"You know, they have a point." Donna comments, leaning against the lockers as Tara hides a smile and pulls her own calculus book out.

"I think it's fun." She says, slamming the locker shut and twirling the dial. "It's not just adding or subtracting numbers, it's stuff that actually makes you think."

"I don't like thinking." Donna states, the two of them walking back towards the classroom with the massive flow of people. "I hate it actually."

"Well then it's a good thing your pretty little butt's in Basic Geometry and I'm in calculus." Tara sasses and Donna wrinkles her nose at her before they split into their respective classrooms. Tara joins the older students, pulling out her book and a pencil. She's still processing the lesson when the bell rings and she walks out of class.

"Tara!" Jax's voice stops her in her tracks and she turns, smiling.

"Hi you." She kisses his cheek and he grabs their hands, swinging them as they walk. "Did you just get back from shoving freshman's heads down toilets or smoking under the bleachers?"

"Tara." He pretends to be affronted. "Toilets were so last year. And smoking under the bleachers was 8th grade stuff."

"Ah, my bad." Her amusement is clear. "What kind of trouble was Jax Teller getting into today then?"

"Nothing, just checking on my bike." He informs here as they walk into the main hallway, with it's crushing swarm of kids.

"If you had a baby and a bike Jax Teller you'd still check on the bike more." She says dryly and he gives her a grin, not bothering to deny it.

"I check on you plenty." He kisses her forehead and she blushes, aware that at least five girls are watching her with envy. "You wanna come over tonight?"

"Sure." She looks down at the notes on her planner. "I should be wrapped up with my homework by 5, easy."

"Perfect." He squeezes her hand. "Dinner's at 6."

"Dinner…" She says slowly. "Like with Op and Donna?"

"Nah." Jax's smile is still deceptively relaxed, as he walks away from her, towards shop. "Mom's cooking tonight." Then, as a cluster of basketball boys walk by, he's gone and she's left wondering if the is what any anxiety attack feels like.

"Donna!" She practically pounces on her friend as Donna exits her classroom, smiling at some guy with a huge zit on his cheek.

"Whoa, Tara." She grabs Tara's arms with clear surprise. "What's wrong?"

"Jax!" Tara hisses and Donna rolls her eyes.

"Alright, I can go kick some girls ass but pretty soon Tara you're going to have to be a big girl and learn how to do it yourself." She says seriously. Tara pauses, frowning.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing." Donna guides her into a quiet corner. "What's wrong?"

"Jax invited me to supper tonight." She admits.

"And that's wrong because…" Donna trails off quizzically.

"At his house."

"And that's wrong because…"

"With his mother!"

"Ah." Donna sits back with wide eyes. "Now I get why you look like you've been handed your execution orders."

"Ok, I wasn't really panicking before but thanks, I think I am now." Tara snaps and Donna rubs her back sympathetically, knowing not to take offense.

"It's going to be fine. Gemma isn't even that scary." She mutters and Tara gives a hollow laugh.

"Donna, she's the most terrifying woman in all of Charming."

"This is true." Donna agrees. "But Tara, you're smart and badass and funny and kind and Jax adores you, he really does. If there's anything not intimidating about Gemma, it's that she loves her son. You guys at least have that in common."

"She hates me." Tara states flatly.

"You don't know that."

"Have you ever met Opie's mom?" Tara turns to look at Donna curiously and she's taken aback, her hand freezing on Tara's back.

"Um, no." She forces a smile on her face and keeps rubbing Tara's back. "Opie hasn't seen her for like a year. But I've met Piney. And Op's met my mom and they seem to get along."

"Your mom is a little less scary than Gemma." Tara points out and Donna smiles slight.

"Tara, you are going to be absolutely fine, I promise you that. Who knows, maybe you and Gemma will end up getting really close." She gives Tara a bright smile and Tara snorts, standing as the warning bell rings, signaling that they only have a minute until class starts.

"I feel like hell might freeze over first."

* * *

"So Tara is coming to dinner tonight." Jax informs Opie, who grunts and wipes grease off his hands. Anxious freshman mill about them, unsure of if they should help or back off.

"Who's genius mind thought that up, you or Gemma?"

"Clay actually." Jax hands Opie a wrench and Opie disappears back under the hood. "He mentioned that the only Knowles he's ever met is her father and I told him that wasn't a fair judge of character so he suggested dinner and mom kinda latched onto it."

"I'm surprised she hasn't put Tara through an interrogation yet." Opie comments and Jax rolls his eyes.

"In all honesty, I don't think she expected Tara to hang around a whole lot." He admits. "Now she's resisting it mostly out of stubbornness."

"Doesn't want to admit her little prince might like someone more than her?" Opie mocks and Jax snaps him with his grease rag.

"Leave my mommy issues out of it."

"Are you nervous?" Opie turns serious, lifting his head up to look at Jax curiously. He shrugs, shifting from side to side.

"Not really. Maybe. I don't really know. What would I be nervous for?" He questions aloud.

"The fact that you've never introduced a girl to your mother." Opie points out.

"I have too." Jax is absentmindedly rearranging the tool drawer, without seemingly being aware that he's doing it.

"Girls from the club that we grew up with like Shay don't count." Opie declares, tossing the wrench back to Jax and slamming the hood shut. "Tara's the first girl you've been seriously dating, not just fucking. And now she's going to have to pass your mom's test."

"My mom doesn't have a test." Jax seems amused but sobers at Opie's incredulous look.

"Dude, she has a test. I don't think I've even passed her test. I think the only human on this planet that's passed her test is you." He remains serious even as Jax breaks into a grin.

"Aw, so I have passed a test for once in my life. C'mon," He slings his arm around Opie's shoulders and leads him out of shop class. "Let's go riding for a little bit to clear our heads."

* * *

"What are you going to wear?" Donna asks eagerly, as she and Tara wait on the steps of the school for the boys.

"Jeans and a shirt?" Tara tries and Donna shakes her head.

"No, that won't do. Have you seen what some of the women at the club wear?"

"I don't own a corset Donna." Tara says staunchly.

"Of course you don't." Donna waves a hand. "I'm just thinking, should you go badass biker chick? Do you need to be slutty? How much black do you have in your closet? Do you have anything leather?"

"Donna."

"Or maybe you should go the exact opposite direction. Like a flowing skirt and a pink top, you know, something really soft and innocent, so that she knows you're a good, sweet girl." Donna carries on like she's never heard her. "Or maybe you should wear like something really professional, so that she knows how serious you are- do you own a pantsuit?"

"Donna, I can't drive a car, do you think I'm going to own a pantsuit?"

"Well maybe!"

"Hey Jax." Tara waits until he and Opie have pulled up and cut their engines. "What should I wear to dinner tonight?"

"Like jeans and a tee-shirt, I don't know." He shrugs and Tara gives Donna a pointed look before they get up and hop on the back of the bikes.

"Call me afterwards and let me know how it goes!" Donna yells before she and Opie pull away.

"You nervous for tonight or what?" Jax asks, seemingly amused.

"What, meeting your mom for the first time officially as your girlfriend and everything that comes along with it? No, it's fine." She pulls on the helmet. "I'm completely fine."

Two hours later, she has to admit that she's not fine. Her homework, half finished, has been abandoned in favor of her closet, which now covers over half her room in a mess. She sits in the middle of it all, in a lacy tank top and a long skirt, wondering why she laughs at things Donna says when eventually she's always right. She's at an absolute lose when it comes to what she should be wearing.

"Tara?" Jax calls, walking in the house.

"My room." She calls back without breaking her staring contest with the closet.

"Hey, are you ready?" He pops his head around the door and stops, taking the mess in. "Apparently not."

"I don't know what to wear." Tara says needlessly.

"I said jeans and a tee-shirt." Jax is looking around, impressed.

"Yeah but Donna said I should either look like a crow eater or some innocent angel and well, she got in my head." Tara plucks at her skirt and sighs.

"Jeans and a tee-shirt." Jax repeats, suppressing a chuckle and bending down to kiss the top of her head. "I promise, you'll look great."

"Alright." She shoos him from the room and changes, running a brush through her hair before walking out.

"See, great." Jax grins at her and she fretfully twists the rings on her fingers, nervously tapping her toes. "You're worrying." He takes her hands with a slight frown.

"I always worry." She tries to joke but her smile is slipping.

"My mom is going to love you. It's going to be great. Besides, it's not like this is your first time meeting her." He reminds her, as they walk out to his bike.

"First time as your girlfriend." Tara corrects and he laughs.

"It's going to be fine Tara." These are the words she repeats in her head like a mantra as Jax parks his bike and gets off. He turns back and grins at her, offering his hand. Taking a deep breath to calm her shaky nerves, she grasps it tightly, like it her last anchor to this earth. Then they walk into the house.

"Jackson!" Gemma's voice is instant. She rounds the corner and arches an eyebrow at her son. "Did you grab that package from the post office like I asked you to?"

"Yup." He squeezes Tara's hand and gives her a fleeting smile. "It's at the clubhouse, like you requested."

"Good boy." Obviously satisfied, Gemma turns her attention to Tara. "And how are you, Tara?"

"Good." Her heart pounding, Tara lets go of Jax's hand to shake Gemma's. "Yourself?"

"Wonderful." With a smirk, like she understands a joke Tara doesn't, Gemma turns back to the oven. "Hope you like roast."

"Sounds lovely." Tara sits down at a barstool to hide her trembling.

"Jax, c'mere a second." Clay's voice drifts to them and Jax pats her hand then disappears towards the back of the house, despite her panicked look for him to stay.

"So." Gemma waits for the instant her son is out of earshot before rounding on Tara. "You're dating my son."

"Yes." Tara admits, clenching her hands into fists while fighting to keep her voice casual.

"Congratulations." Gemma folds her arms and leans against the counter.

"For?" Tara asks politely.

"You've done what no girl has ever done before." Gemma seems to be teasing her, so Tara tries to relax a little bit, reminding herself that Donna has a point- Gemma has no reason to hate her.

"I'm sure it's because Opie got a girlfriend and Jax got lonely." Tara tries to joke back and Gemma just raises an eyebrow.

"No, you must be pretty special to catch Jax's eye. I mean, most girls do, but not all of them stay." Gemma quips and Tara tries to ignore the fact that it feels like her stomach is pooling on the floor at her feet.

"Thanks." She says quietly and thankfully Gemma turns back to the food she's preparing without another word. After a couple minutes of silence, Tara decides it's time to venture out again. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Sweetheart, please." Gemma pulls on oven mitts. "I've been making roast since before you were born. I can handle it." Tara lapses back into silence, mentally cursing at Jax. As Gemma sets the table, he walks back in, grinning brightly and completely oblivious to the obvious tension in the room.

"It smells great mom." He kisses her cheek and pulls out Tara's chair for her.

"Thank you sweetie." Gemma sits beside Clay as he takes his spot at the head of the table. No one comments on this, though Tara finds it strange. They pass the food and eat. Tara is quick to compliment the food and Gemma rewards her effort with a curt nod.

"So Tara." Clay takes a sip of beer and fixes his eyes on her. She sits up a little straighter, unable to help herself. "Tell me about yourself. Jax tells me that you're a shade different from your father."

"Um, yes." Tara looks to Jax for reassurance, but he's busy eating a potato. "My dad and I don't really get along."

"Why's that? Family's the most important thing we have on this world." Gemma's silverware is forgotten; she's leaning forward on clasped hands, eyes fixed on Tara.

"I wasn't really raised that way." Tara is trying to stand her ground, but it feels like Gemma's glaring through her skin. "My family isn't very close."

"Well, your mother died young, right?" Clay asks, tilting his head.

"Yes." Tara's gripping her fork tightly, her polite mask slipping somewhat.

"I think that's a great tragedy, when a child is raised without a mother." Clay says thoughtfully. "I can only imagine that it's very difficult."

"Yes." Tara's teeth are gritted now.

"Plus her dad is a complete ass." Jax finally gets involved, swallowing his potatoes. "Almost as bad as Mary."

"If he hasn't abandoned his family then he's still better than Mary." Gemma snaps and Jax shrugs, admitting her point.

"What about your mother's side, you see them very often?" Clay's tone is just casually curious, but for some reason it sets Tara's teeth on edge.

"No, I don't hear from them very often, usually only holidays. My mother just had two sisters, and one lives in Alaska." Tara is mentally focusing on naming all the bones in her hand, the ones that she'll break if she keeps tightening her grip on the fork. "My other aunt calls a couple times a year."

"Well that's nice." Gemma takes another bite of roast and Tara gets the impression she's thinking the exact opposite.

"Jax also says you're very smart." Clay comments and Tara actually does relax this time, turning to look at Jax with a grin.

"She skipped a grade." Jax says proudly. "She's already a sophomore."

"Wow." Clay smiles at her. "Very impressive. Already thinking about college?"

"Uh, yes." Tara shifts slightly in her seat, unsure of how to handle this.

"What are you thinking about going for?" Gemma's expression makes Tara think of Donna's earlier words- one wrong step and she actually will have execution orders.

"Medicine." The word slips out before she can stop it. The reactions around the table are markedly different- Jax's smiles with pride, Clay nods, impressed, and Gemma's face arranges itself into a sort of sneer, but that's quickly hidden as she takes a sip of wine.

"Lofty goals." Clay says.

"Loftier than being a mechanic." Jax is joking, but Gemma's head snaps up.

"What's wrong with being a mechanic?" Her sharp question isn't directed at Jax but rather Tara.

"Nothing." Tara says instantly.

"I just mean doctors are a lot smarter." Jax is trying to come to Tara's defense, but Gemma's eyes are locked with Tara's.

"Doesn't make them better than anyone else."

"I didn't mean that Ma." Jax tries to appease his mother but she simply ignores him.

"I'll get us dessert." She stands abruptly, pushing her chair back. She walks back into the kitchen and Tara looks at Jax in a panic, not sure how things could spiral so quickly. For Jax's credit, he hardly looks bothered, finishing up his roast. Gemma walks back in with plates of cheesecake. Only Tara seems to notice that her's is significantly smaller than any others.

"Thank you so much for dessert." Tara says quietly at the end of the meal.

"Welcome." Gemma says breezily, carrying dirty dishes into the kitchen. The phone rings and Jax gets up, answering it.

"Hey, Tara." He calls, covering the mouthpiece. She looks up at him. "Wanna go hang out with Donna and Opie at his house?"

"Sure." Glad of an escape from Gemma's gaze, Tara stands.

"We'll be over in ten." Jax hangs up and waves goodbye to Clay.

"It was nice seeing you." Tara says, her eyes averted from Clay's.

"You too Tara. Hope to see you around more often." He raises his beer slightly before taking a drink and Tara enters the kitchen, feeling like she has one more flaming hoop to clear before she can taste sweet freedom.

"Hey ma, we're heading to Opie's." Jax kisses his mother's cheek.

"It's a school night." She reminds him, accepting the kiss.

"Tomorrow's Friday." He reminds her right back and she smiles, rolling her eyes.

"Go then child, and try to stay out of trouble." She orders.

"Tara keeps an eye on me." Jax wraps an arm around her waist. "Right babe?"

"Yes." She isn't leaning into Jax, she's watching Gemma's lip curl in disgust.

"Good luck." She spins back to the dishes.

"Thanks again for inviting me to supper." Tara tries again.

"Clay, come put the leftovers in the fridge." Gemma calls and Jax pulls her out into the cool air. Tara doesn't say a word as she pulls her helmet on and gets on the back of the bike. When they pull up to Opie's house, the driveway only has Opie's bike in it, signaling that Piney is at the cabin.

"Don't be having sex." Jax yells, walking in with his hands covering his eyes.

"Oh, ha-ha, we don't call and invite you over till afterwards anyways." Donna sticks her tongue out at Jax as she sits down on Opie's lap with a bowl of ice cream.

"Wait, seriously?" Jax looks between the two of them in surprise.

"Like I would ever tell you, Jax Teller." Donna laughs. "But how'd it go?"

"Awful." Tara says, at the same time Jax says,

"Good."

"So which is it?" Opie questions dryly.

"Why'd you think it was awful?" Jax is asking of Tara, who stares at him in astonishment.

"How could you think it went good?"

"Because it wasn't like she kicked you out or something." Jax says, as though this should be obvious.

"You're are stunningly unaware of your surroundings, Jackson." Tara shakes her head and goes to get her own bowl of ice cream.

"That bad?" Donna asks, as Tara piles 3 inches of cool whip onto her ice cream.

"And worse." She confirms.

"How could you think it was that bad?" Jax is still bewildered.

"Mark my words, Jax Teller." Tara sits between his legs and spoons a large scoop into his mouth as Opie turns on a scary movie. "Your mother hates me."

 **AN:** Glad to hear you guys all liked the warm and fuzzies, we're getting away from that a little bit with dragon mom Gemma... Let me know what you think and what moments you want to see along this relationship, I love hearing input!


	32. Suckers in Love

February 14th, 1995

"Valentine's day is a ridiculous, made up holiday." Tara states, taking a bite of her apple. Donna's watching her in clear amusement. "There's no point to it besides chocolate companies and Hallmark making money."

"So if Jax doesn't send you a candy gram in 6th period you'll break up with him?" Donna guesses.

"Oh, totally. I better get one of those." Tara grins as Donna laughs and shakes her head, opening a packet of chips.

"Poor Jax. I don't know how he deals with you."

"Deals with me? Let me tell you Donna, dealing with him is a thousand times worse." Tara says, affronted. "Do you know what I go through on a daily basis?"

"Let me guess." Donna pops a chip into her mouth and chews. "He's loud and smelly, he's usually covered in dirt or grease, he pays more attention to his bike than you, he doesn't want to spend twenty dollars on dinner and a movie with you but doesn't blink at spend a hundred dollars on his bike, he's stubborn, and you are constantly wondering if you're going to have to punch the next girl that walks up."

"Oh." Tara looks at her, a little stunned. "I didn't know that you and Op were so similar to me and Jax."

"Well just because we seem like we've got it all figured doesn't mean we don't struggle with mommy and daddy issues just like you and prince Jackson." Donna says wisely and Tara cringes.

"I hate when people call him that." She mutters.

"Why?" Donna raises an eyebrow and Tara shrugs. They get up and throw their garbage out, joining the throng of students pushing out of the lunchroom.

"Cause it's so…" She struggles to find the right words. "Presumptuous. Like he doesn't have a choice. That one day he's going to grow up and have to take over the kingdom like a good little prince. Fairy tales, they're not realistic you know? What if the prince doesn't want to rule? What if he wants to do something else? If the king is dead and Jax is still the prince, who's the king?" She rambles and Donna throws her arm around her.

"Can you please, just for like five minutes, be a normal girl and get all warm and fuzzy at the idea that if Jax is a prince, that makes you a princess?" She pleads and Tara rolls her eyes.

"A trailer park princess is the only kind of princess I am Donna."

"C'mon trailer park princess." The title seems to amuse Donna. "Cheer up, maybe you'll get your little Valentine day surprise from your biker prince."

"Oh Jesus Christ, we're not calling ourselves that!"

She sits through sixth period, trying desperately not to keep glancing at the door, but the homework is easy and she can't help herself. Donna, sitting next to her, goes into a silent fit of giggles every time Tara finishes a question and glances at the door.

"Would you quit it, you're going to get one." She mutters and Tara glances at her.

"Are we even talking about the same guy? I am 99% sure Jax doesn't even know what Valentine's Day is." She hisses and now it's Donna's turn to roll her eyes.

"He does have a mother." She reminds Tara.

"Oh, and you're telling me Gemma Teller is the kind of woman to get a little white teddy bear and a velvet box of chocolate?" Tara retorts and Donna falls silent at this, admitting Tara's point.

"Candy grams!" One of the football boys, burly in pink tights and tutu bursts through the door, making the students laugh and their teacher sigh. "From Cupid himself!"

"Yes, yes." Mrs. Ortiz grumbles. "Get it over with Carter." He moves through the room, handing out the little heart shaped suckers from his basket. A couple of girls squeal, bending their heads together to read the notes attached. Tara watches warily as he approaches.

"Donna-" He pauses, digging through the basket. "Wow, someone loves you." He sets a handful of suckers down and Donna beams, sorting through them with gusto. Tara's stomach is clenched with a worry she can't identify- if Jax doesn't make a public show of affection, will other girls assume that they're no longer dating and move in?

"Is that all?" Mrs. Ortiz demands and Carter looks down at his half full basket.

"Almost. Who's Tara Knowles?" He asks and Tara raises a hand, frowning slightly. "Oh, sweet." He turns the basket upside down and dumps out the rest. "Happy Valentine's Day!" He prances from the room while Tara looks down at the pile of suckers in disbelief.

"Oh my god." Donna picks one up, reading the note. "For a boy that supposedly knows nothing about this holiday, Jax did good!"

"Why would he get me so many?" She wonders aloud and Donna is sifting through the suckers, reading the notes aloud.

"Bright. Funny. Caring. Smart. Stubborn. Cute. Loving. Protective." She lists off and Tara has gone bright red. "Adorable. Adventurous. Curious. Tara, this is so sweet!"

"What?" Tara asks weakly then buries her heads in her hands, unable to handle it.

"Boy did good." Donna says proudly, sweeping the suckers into Tara's backpack and pulling the wrapper off one for good measure, popping it into her mouth. "Boy did real good."

* * *

"Hey." Jax and Opie are sitting on their bikes after school in their customary spot, grinning. "How was your day?"

"You know very well how my day was Jackson Teller." Tara jiggles her backpack, the suckers inside making noise. "How many did you buy me?"

"One for each reason why I love you." He says easily, grabbing her hips and pulling her in close. "Baby, I'm a sucker for you."

"So corny." Opie comments, rolling his eyes.

"I think it's sweet." Donna proclaims. "How come I didn't get like 50 suckers?"

"Because your surprises aren't done yet." Opie pulls her onto the bike. "We'll see you guys later." They roar out of the parking lot and Tara glances at Jax.

"Are my surprises over?" She asks, amused.

"Not even close." She wraps her arms around him and wonders what he's got in store. He leads her to their meadow, where he's stashed a blanket and a little picnic, complete with chocolate.

"Well, didn't you just think everything out." Tara comments, sitting on the blanket and grinning at him.

"Why the tone of surprise Tara?" He questions, opening the chocolates and offering her one.

"Because in all honesty, I didn't even know a guy like you knew what Valentine's Day even was." She confesses, picking a caramel filled one.

"A guy like me." He echoes. "What is a guy like me?"

"I don't know." Tara thinks back on her words to Donna. "You just never struck me as the dramatic, gift giving kind. You're not normal Jax, you never have been. I guess I just never know what to expect with you."

"Does that bother you?" He is worriedly playing with the fringes on the blanket.

"God no." Tara scoots towards him, so their faces are close. "You're fun and interesting and a challenge. I will never be bored with you."

"No, that you won't." Jax gently runs a hand down the side of her face. "And I am never bored with you."

They lay in the meadow for awhile, alternating between kissing and talking. Tara finds it strange that they usually talk about almost every topic under the sun- religion and their belief or lack thereof, politics, their values, books, movies, pop culture, and school gossip, but never about their goals or futures.

"Hey." She says quietly, looking up to face him. "I have a question."

"Yes, I think Donna and Opie are finally going to have sex tonight." He states and Tara frowns slightly, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, was that not it? Ok, go."

"I was going to ask what your dreams are." She props herself up and Jax raises an eyebrow. "Like if you could fast forward ten years and got to make the perfect life, what would it be?"

"I don't know, I like to live in the present." He tries to brush the question away but Tara is persistent.

"Would you stay in Charming? Or would you wanna move out to somewhere like Montana? Or Florida?" She presses and he gives her a skeptical look.

"Why would anyone wanna live in Montana?"

"It's open. You can look around and not see a single soul. Freedom." Tara says simply and Jax looks at her in surprise.

"Would you want to live in Montana?"

"Sometimes the sound of it appeals to me." Tara sits up and wraps her arms around herself, looking up at the blue sky. "Don't you ever want to go somewhere where no one knows your name?"

"It hadn't really occurred to me." Jax admits. "I mean, my family is here."

"You mean your mother." Tara reminds him quietly.

"Tommy's grave too." He says shortly and Tara draws back slightly, rubbing his arm gently.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." She apologizes.

"I know." He covers her hand and brings her in for a kiss. "It's just, I've never imagined myself anywhere else. Charming is home. It's always been home."

"Ok." Not wanting to push it any further, Tara just runs a hand through his hair and smiles reassuringly at him. "Speaking of home, let's go back to my house and watch a sappy romantic movie."

"Why?" He groans. "I got you chocolate and sweetheart suckers."

"And you're oh so sweet for that." Tara grabs his hands and hauls him up. "Now c'mon, Sleepless in Seattle or Pretty Woman?"

"Terminator?" Jax says hopefully and Tara shakes her head, grinning. Jax groans and whines about it but when they settle on the couch with popcorn and Tara nuzzles up to him, he watches in rapt attention as Julia Roberts struts down the street.

"See, it's a good movie." She teases, when the credits finally roll.

"You know that's not what real prostitutes look like right?" He points out and Tara stares at him in astonishment. "Usually they're drug addicts or they get beat by their pimps and stuff."

"Ok, I don't even want to know how you know that." She declares. "It's a movie, just admit it was cute."

"Not as cute as you." He grins and kisses her nose, pausing with the door open behind him. "Happy Valentine's Day Tara Grace."

"Happy Valentine's Day Jackson Nathaniel." She says sweetly and he pauses for a long moment like there's something else he wants to say but then thinks better of it. He settles for one more kiss before walking out. Tara locks the door behind him and meanders to her bedroom, putting Jax's notes in a little box. She's getting ready for bed when the phone rings.

"Tara." Donna doesn't even give Tara a chance to say hello.

"Donna." Tara says in amusement. "What's up?"

"Did Jax finally say I love you?" She demands.

"Um, no." Tara hesitates, twirling the cord of the phone around her fingers.

"Oh damn." Donna sounds genuinely disappointed. "After he said 'things I love about you' I thought he would."

"Donna, it's only been like five and a half months." Tara reminds her and Donna grumbles something unintelligible then sighs loudly.

"Boys are idiots." She decides and Tara smiles.

"Did Opie get you pink teddy bear instead of a red one?" She guesses and Donna chuckles.

"No, he got me nice pretty flowers and a cute little puppy with heart eyes. Very cute. But he's still an idiot. Wow, I really thought today was going to be the day he said it." Donna muses.

"Donna, honey?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember when Opie said sometimes you get a little too involved in other's relationships?" Tara asks patiently. "This is one of those times."

"Ok, I'll butt out. But you better tell me when he says it or I'll stomp on your toes." Donna threatens.

"Of course." Tara says, chuckling. "Now tell Opie hi and go to bed."

"Op, Tara says hi." Donna calls and Tara shakes her head. "He says hi back. Goodnight, I'll see you at school tomorrow!"

"Bye dear." Tara hangs up, walking back into her bedroom and pausing, reading the slip of paper that had been wrapped around her sucker. In all the reasons Jax had listed of why he loved her, this was her favorite. She reads it again and shuts the lights off, climbing into bed. She falls asleep with the words emblazoned in her mind.

My future.

 **AN:** Is this a filler chapter maybe. But also there's a preview for the next chapter in my other story, Charming Little Moments. Head over there to read it? Or leave me a review!


	33. The Evil Queen

March 10th, 1995

"Tara!" Jax slurs, chasing her down the hallway. "Tara, wait!"

"Move." Taylor shoves past some drunk couple making out against the wall, too busy shoving their tongues down each others throats to notice her.

"Tara!" Jax calls again but he's less agile than her in his drunken state and she's putting distance between the two of them. She swipes at the tears in her eyes, trying to resist the urge to start crying in public.

"Excuse me." She slips between two large football players in the entry and escapes out into the fresh, crisp night air, wrapping her arms around herself tightly. She scans the yard, noting that there's still plenty of people to judge her for her breakdown.

"Tara!" She can hardly hear Jax's voice over the loud music in the house and so she turns to the street, sitting on the curb and drawing her knees up to her chest.

She tries to take deep breaths, but there's something heavy sitting on her chest. The weight of Jax kissing another girl, his drink spilling out of his cup as the girl had tried to push him down onto the bed. The image is still burned into the backs of her eyelids, mingling with that still awful moment on his birthday when she'd walked into the bedroom at the cabin and had seen him with two girls.

This is worse. She is his girlfriend. If this happens even when she is here, what happens when she isn't? Why is it so hard for Jax Teller to keep it in his pants? She squeezes her eyes shut to stop the tears, but it's not doing any good. Suddenly, someone's thrown an arm around her.

"Don't cry sweet girl." Shea's voice is sweet and she's gently rocking Tara back and forth. "It's ok, it's ok."

"Shea." Tara says in astonishment. "What are you doing here?"

"It was my birthday yesterday, so I came to see my dad." Shea says, still swaying with her. "Thought I'd stay for the weekend and well, this is the best party Charming has to offer."

"Pretty shitty party." Tara grumbles, trying to dry her eyes without Shea noticing.

"Shitty because the music is awful, the house is cramped, boys smell, or because Jax was kissing another girl?" Shea asks quietly and uses her thumb to catch Tara's tear.

"All of the above." Tara tries to joke but she just ends up sounding miserable.

"Ah, I know." Shea pulls her in for another hug. "Boys like him that grow up to be men like my dad… It's safer liking girls, trust me."

"What do you mean, Jax is going to be like your dad?" Tara asks, frowning.

"Jax's dad and his uncles, it's not like they preached love and loyalty." Shea looks pitying. "For them, cheating isn't some big deal or scandal and it doesn't mean they love you any less. They just don't think like normal men. It's just about if they can get their dick sucked. Jax, he doesn't know any better. This is just his life. It's what he's been taught."

"Seriously?" Rage is building up in Tara's chest, burning her from the inside out. "They can just cheat and get away with it, because their dads taught them a boys will be boys mentality?"

"Well, the women do too." Shea seems to sense Tara's anger and is amused by it. "If say, John cheated on Gemma, she'd usually take ten minutes out of her day to rip half the hair off the girl's head and put her in her place before having sex with him loudly so that everyone is reminded who's man he is."

"This people are nuts!" Tara bursts. "This life is nuts! What is wrong with these people?"

"Many things." Shea pats her arm. "You've gotta be a little fucked up to love this life Tara. But here." She drops keys into Tara's hand. "Go find your boyfriend and take him home before you have to be the one yanking girls' hair out."

"Are these to your car?" Tara inspects them, slightly bewildered.

"God no, you think I trust an unlicensed driver with my keys?" Shea laughs. "They're for Opie's truck. I filched them off him. C'mon, I'll help you get Jax into the backseat." They trek back into the house and find Jax on a couch, the bottle of whiskey still loosely clutched in his hand.

"C'mon Jackson, we're leaving." Tara states.

"No." His eyes are practically shut.

"Yes." Shea responds by pulling the bottle away and passing it to some babyfaced freshman that looks delighted. She gestures for Tara to grab Jax's arm and together they haul him up. It takes a lot of pushing and shoving, but eventually the two of them get Jax up and into the truck.

"Thanks." Tara pants, leaning against the door.

"Have you ever driven before?" Shea asks and Tara shrugs.

"It's not that far from here to his house. Besides, having the prince of Charming in the backseat has to count for something, right?" Tara jokes and Shea laughs before hugging her tightly.

"He loves you." She whispers in Tara's ear. "He's just some stupid boy that hasn't figured that out yet." Tara gives her a tight squeeze then hops into the truck and slams the door shut, starting up the engine.

"Tell Opie I'm sorry I stole his truck." Tara requests and Shea waves. Tara drives the dark and empty streets, Jax mumbling in the backseat. She's so angry it seems like her vision has gotten sharper. She's not sure who the anger is directed at- Jax, the other girl, the club, but it's like a poison consuming her.

She manages to get Jax out of the truck and into the house with a lot of coaxing and bribing. She's glad for the fact that Gemma doesn't bother to lock the doors- who needs to when you rule Charming? She gets Jax onto the couch and decides that she'll at least make sure his shoes are off before she goes home. She's muttering threats and ultimatums to him, hoping that will soothe her anger, when she's aware that someone is watching her.

"Well." Gemma's lip is curled up into a sneer. "Look at this."

"Gemma." Tara keeps working on untying his shoe rather than look at his mother.

"I'm so glad you've finally found your place in his life. I knew you'd figure it out eventually." She comments and Tara grits her teeth, pulling the shoe off.

"What's that, his girlfriend?" Tara remarks.

"No, the pathetic bitch that he doesn't want, even drunk." Gemma says cruelly and Tara's anger suddenly has a target. She straightens up, glaring.

"You know what?" She demands and Gemma seems surprised at how furious the small girl is. "You can call me what you want but I am his girlfriend and I do more for him than anyone else in this town including you, his precious saint mother. You think you're so high and mighty, you think you're perfect. Jax is fucked up because of you. When his little brother died, when his whole world was shattered, what did you do? You ignored him. You act like you're this great mother. But when Jax needed you the most, you taught him that boys shouldn't cry and boys should be men and that he wasn't allowed to grieve or miss his little brother. What kind of mother does that? What kind of mother makes her child be the adult?

"What kind of mother doesn't keep track of her son? What kind of mother buys him alcohol and lets him sleep with however many women and have zero respect for them? What kind of mother teaches her son that this is ok? You act so high and mighty, the queen of Charming. Everyone is so scared of you. I'm not. I don't see you as the perfect queen, I just see you as the evil queen. Because you have ruined your son is so many ways. His father died. He lost his father, and what do you do? You give him the same thing that killed his dad. You want him in the same life that murdered your husband. So you can sneer at me and call me a bitch and tell me that Jax doesn't really care about me in his life. But I will fall asleep tonight knowing that I care about Jax for more than the crown that's going to go on his head. Can you say the same?" Tara spits. Then she shoulders past a stunned Gemma and makes sure to slam the door on the way out.

The long walk home is enough the clear her head and let reality sink in. She's said some awful shit to Gemma. That is Jax's mother. He adores her. Of course Gemma is going to tell Jax everything she said. She crawls into bed with the sinking feeling that tomorrow will be her last day as Jax Teller's girlfriend.

* * *

"Tara." She wakes up to Jax sitting on her bed, looking at her with a smile.

"Jax." She sits up, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I have something for you." He's still smiling at her, which she takes as a good sign, but she might also be delusional and crazy, so she stays quiet. "I woke up this morning to a very angry mother, Tara Grace."

"Ah." She says apprehensively. "About that. Jax, I—"

"Shush." He holds a finger up to her lips. "She told me that you brought me home last night in Opie's truck, you took my shoes off, and you yelled at her."

"You kissed another girl." Tara states and he flinches slightly. "I was mad and I'm not sorry."

"You don't have to be." He promises. "She told me that I should break up with you because no girl like you is every going to let me live my life." Tara braces herself for the breakup. Instead, Jax takes her left hand and slides something onto her ring finger. She looks down in bewilderment.

"What's this?"

"It was a ring my dad use to wear." He explains and Tara stares at the thick gold band in shock. On it is stamped the word 'SON'. "My mom gave it to me on my birthday, but I think you should wear it. This club is my past Tara, but you are my future. You make me a better man. And I love you."

"Jax…" She says slowly, twisting the ring. "I love you too." He pulls her in for a long kiss, smiling.

"Now c'mon, I have someplace I want to show you." He takes her hand and pulls her out of bed. She changes, wondering where they could possibly be going. She gets on the back of Jax's bike, curious, but knowing better than to ask. He brings her to large metal gates and her heart stops for just a moment. They're at the clubhouse.

"Jax." She hisses, but he doesn't seem to notice the rigid set to her shoulders or the panic in her eyes. He's just grinning at her, guiding her the ring of men sitting outside, drinking beer and talking. They don't break off their conversation when Jax arrives but they acknowledge him with a raised chin and a nod. He sits in an empty chair, pulling Tara to sit down on his lap. She hesitates, but then remembers Shea's words from the night before, about showing who's man he is. So she sits, fiddling with the ring.

"Alright, I'm going to start burning shit in the—" Gemma announces, walking out. She freezes at the sight of Tara on Jax's lap. Tara, before she can help herself, uses her left hand to run her fingers through Jax's hair, the ring glinting in the sunlight. Astounded, Gemma takes a couple steps towards them but Clay catches her arm and pulls her back into the clubhouse. Tara smirks and turns to Jax, kissing him.

"I love you." She says quietly and he smiles, kissing her nose.

"I love you too."

 **AN:** Oh man this is just filled with references to all my other stories... 10 points to your Hogwarts House if you get them all! Thanks for reading, leave a review on the way out!


	34. A Life in Photos

_April 4th, 1995_

"Hey." Donna pokes Tara with the eraser end of her pencil. "Can I copy your history notes?"

"You can if you tell me why you missed history class yesterday." Tara says easily, working on writing a paper.

"I didn't feel good." Donna proclaims and Tara pauses her writing and gives her a skeptical look. "Ok fine, Opie and I left school early."

"Why can't you guys have sex at night, like normal people?" Tara wonders aloud and Donna scowls, digging through Tara's backpack to find the notes. "I mean, I know you sleep over there. It would be really easy to, you know, not miss school."

"Alright, cool it with the judgment tone." Donna grumbles. "School's boring. Opie's bed is comfy and we can watch movies there."

"School is where you get an education for a job." Tara reminds her and Donna stops copying her notes to give a massive eye roll.

"Not everyone wants to be a doctor Tara." She grumbles and Tara frowns at her.

"Ok, why are you so crabby?" She wonders and Donna cringes.

"I'm sorry. I had to get on birth control because of the whole, you know, sex thing. And it just makes me pissy."

"Alright noted, but stop taking it out on me or I'll take away the notes." Tara warns her and Donna is quiet, copying for a while.

"What are you and Jax going to do today? I knows it's kind of a day." She asks quietly and Tara sighs, pulling her hair to one side. She's been dreading this day since Opie told her about it.

"He hasn't said anything yet." She admits. "So I suppose I'll wait to see what kind of mood he's in after school and follow his lead." She plays with the ring on her finger, the SON one. Her hand has become accustomed to it's weight and she's gotten in the habit of fidgeting with it when she's worried.

"Is it hard?" Donna asks and Tara tilts her head, brought back to the present. "Having all these anniversaries of awful things, not fun things?"

"Right now, yes." Tara admits. "But I'm waiting for the day when we have more good things to outweigh the bad things- anniversaries of our first kiss and date, when we said I love you, stuff like that."

"You'll get there." Donna gives her a reassuring smile and Tara smiles weakly back. She's not sure that with her and Jax's pasts they'll ever outweigh the bad.

* * *

"Hey babe." Jax greets her on his bike with a kiss.

"Hi you." Tara takes the helmet and straps it on. "Where are we off to today?"

"A surprise." He proclaims and she glances over at where Donna and Opie are getting on his bike. Donna is raising an eyebrow and Tara gives her quick thumbs up.

"Oh boy." She hangs on tight to Jax. He drives them to his house, parking in the empty driveway. Tara gets off the bike, handing him back his helmet, bemused. "Jax, this is your house. How is this a surprise? Is your mother waiting inside to decapitate me?"

"No." The idea seems to amuse him, though Tara feels it's justified. Gemma has been frosty to her since the events last month. Shea had laughed aloud when Tara had admitted what she'd said and assured her that Gemma would respect her, but Tara hasn't felt respect, just hatred. She's been apprehensive of Gemma since, though Jax remains stubbornly oblivious to the tension. "I have something to show you in my house."

"Ah." She follows him apprehensively into the house. Gemma doesn't appear to be home, just like every other time she'd been over. She's wondering if Jax has planned that when he gestures for her to sit on the couch while he opens a cabinet and pulls a couple photos albums out.

"I wanted to show you these." He explains. "Do you remember what you told me before we rode that god awful rollercoaster again?"

"That you were ridiculous for having such a fear of rollercoasters?" Tara teases.

"You told me that one day I would open up to you about all this stuff." He corrects.

"This stuff…" She says quietly, taking the photo album he passes her and running a hand over it. It's got a teddy bear on the front and he's wearing a pastel bowtie. Embossed on the front is a name. Thomas Wayne.

"This is when it started." Jax says fondly, opening the first page. "The day I became a big brother. I was at Opie's, cause my mom went into labor in the middle of the day. I remember he took forever to get here, or at least what I thought was forever. He was in the NICU, because his heart condition was bad." The picture shows a young Jax leaning over a bassinet, beaming at a tiny baby swaddled in a blanket, tubes and wires peaking out from all angles.

"You're so little." Tara grins at the sight of Jax's gappy smile and freckles.

"He'd be 11." Jax realizes, running his fingers over the picture of a man in a kutte holding a bundle of blankets. Tara assumes it's his father. "I wonder if he would've gotten any bigger or if he'd still be scrawny as hell."

"Scrawny." Tara bets and Jax looks at her quizzically. "You're scrawny too."

"Hey!" He protests, affronted. "I am not." Tara grins and flips to the next page of the photos. There's a surprising amount of the little baby with men in leather, with tattoos, with guns. Jax doesn't seem bothered by this.

"You look like a good big brother." She comments, smiling at a picture of Jax sitting outside besides flowers, Thomas on his lap. He's a little bigger, but Jax's beaming smile is what catches her attention. Jax smiles and flips to show her the next photo, the one of him and Opie asleep in a fort of blankets, Thomas between the two of them, some cartoon forever frozen on the TV in front of them.

"I loved him." He says softly. "He was so much fun. I remember we would always carve pumpkins for Halloween. He loved it. His favorite sport was baseball and he loved riding our bikes. He loved any time he could be outside."

"He sounds like you." Tara mutters and Jax looks at the next picture, where Tommy is sitting on a beach, tubby belly hanging out over his swim trunks.

"I don't think he would've been though." He says thoughtfully. "He was a better kid than me. Smarter. Kept out of trouble."

"And lord forbid you do that." Tara teases, kissing his nose. Jax smiles but doesn't bother to deny it. He keeps walking her through photos, Tommy growing up before her very eyes as Jax tells stories.

Tommy on his third birthday, crying as Jax and Opie swipe frosting off a cake. Jax tells her that Opie was over at their house every time Piney and Mary fought, which was daily. Opie was just as much Tommy's big brother as he was.

Tommy, a book upside, pretending to read as Jax does homework beside him. Jax tells her that Tommy was always smarter than him, learning to count and know his letters even before preschool.

Tommy and Jax beside a tricked out bike, grinning. Jax tells her how they use to go to bike shows as a family and how everyone would comment on how much they looked alike or how they resembled John. That, he explains, was when he first grew to love motorcycles.

His first day of preschool, practically busting with pride, standing beside Jax and Opie, who look less pleased. Jax tells her that Thomas was the only person in the whole wide world that looked forward to going to school every day.

The whole family in front of a Christmas tree, Jax, Tommy, Gemma, and John. Jax tells her that they use to have a tradition, of all of them decorating a section of the tree- it was always chaos but it the best day.

"We were happy." Jax mummers and Tara turns to look at him. "That's what I remember, that's how I deal with this shit. I think about the good times and forget the bad."

"Me too." Tara stops to smile at a picture of Tommy burying Jax on the beach. He's just starting to lose his baby fat, growing into a kid, his good looks evident even then. Jax is grinning at Tommy, apparently unaware of the camera.

"I wish he could've met you." Jax says suddenly and Tara glances at him. "He would've loved you."

"I remember meeting him and you at my mother's funeral." Tara reveals and Jax listens, his head titled slightly. "Your mother sent him over to ask if I wanted to play. I think she liked me better then." She says ruefully and Jax groans, wrapping an arm around her.

"That was before she had to fight you for my time and affection." He reassures her, kissing her head. "She's not use to have competition for my attention." Tara wants to comment that this is weird, but thinks better of it and keeps her mouth shut.

"Where's this?" She asks instead, pointing to one of the last pictures. Jax is quiet, removing the photo from it's protective sleeve. The boys are climbing a path in a woods. Jax is leading, looking up into the treetops, pointing to something. Tommy is trailing behind him, their hands clasped. The photo is grainy and slightly blurred but it makes Tara's heart wrench in an unexpected way.

It's two brothers. It's Jax leading, something so natural to him. And she knows, judging from their ages, that soon Jax will lose all this. And she wishes desperately that she could do something to fix this, to bring back Jax's favorite person.

"We went hiking." Jax recalls, sounding like he's far away. "Dad was in prison. Mom wanted us to do something to keep us busy, keep our minds off of it, wear us out. So off we went hiking. The next day he… He…" Jax can't get the rest of the words out, dropping the photo and burying his face in his hands. Tara takes him into her arms, rocking back and forth, whispering soothing words in his ear.

"It's ok… It's ok… I love you… You're not alone… I love you… I'm here."

"I love you." Jax's eyes are bright with unshed tears and when he kisses her, it's her tears that dampen his cheeks, not the other way around. Tara cries for a little boy she hardly knew; cries the tears that Jax Teller can't.

After awhile, the tears stop. Jax wipes her cheeks and kisses her forehead and she feels guilty that he's comforting her, on today of all days, and so she offers to go to the diner for supper, since she knows that's his favorite spot to eat. He agree easily, tucking the photos away and putting the albums back on the shelf.

"Jax." Tara says quietly, as he zips up his sweatshirt and grabs his wallet.

"Yes?" He doesn't even glance at her, busy checking that he has cash.

"Where's your mom?" The question has been nagging at her since she got there, bothered that Gemma doesn't seem to think that Jax may need comfort on this anniversary.

"Clay's." Jax's tone is clipped and Tara wonders if it would be better to just drop it, but that's not in her curious nature.

"How do you know she's there?"

"Because." Jax's tone is sharp and then he softens, turning to her and shutting his eyes. "Because when Tommy died, my dad was in prison. And Clay wasn't. So for his funeral, Clay and I were the ones that kept my mom upright, not my dad. He wasn't there." Bitterness laces through his words.

"Why Clay's house?" She's still confused by this, though she knows that there's something between the two of them, even if Jax can block it out. But why would Gemma pick a man over her son?

"The first year Tommy was gone-" Jax takes a deep breath, like he's dreading what he has to say. "Mom went alone to the cemetery. That was when her heart gave out and she had to have surgery."

"Her scar." Tara realizes, wondering why Gemma would show off such a thing. She sees it as a battle wound of her broken heart and lost son.

"Yeah, but we nearly lost her. Clay was furious that she'd do something like that. So the next year he came over and didn't leave. And the year after that. And now I think it's habit or tradition or something, that he comes and takes her." Jax's smile twists up crookedly. "It's not like I can really afford to lose anymore family members."

"Jax…" Tara gets up and pulls him into a hug. He hugs back halfheartedly, then makes an offhand comment about a milkshake. She gets on the bike with him, aware that the moment of Jax's openness is gone. But as she turns questions over in her mind, she vows that one day Jax will be completely honest with her.

 **AN:** Ok I promise we're almost done with the sadness- sass is coming up! I like that you guys liked the last chapter- as someone that has been a Tara versus a Gemma I'm glad I could make that sound true to her character. Leave me reviews please!


	35. Hum

May 15th, 1995

"Tara." Jax is gently trying to prod her awake, but she's not having it. She groans and pulls the covers up, burying her head in the pillows. "Tara, baby, wake up. It's time for school."

"No." Tara groans, throwing an arm over her eyes.

"No?" Jax seems surprised at this. "Tara Knowles doesn't want to go to school?"

"No." She repeats and peeks out over her arm. Jax is staring at her in amazement.

"Well then." With a flurry of movement he pulls off his sweatshirt, revealing a loose cotton tee shirt. He kicks off his shoes and his socks. Tara squeaks in protest when he pulls his pants down, slipping under the covers with her.

"Jax!" She says and he responds by burying his face in her hair, snaking an arm around her waist and dragging her closer to him. She moves so that the curves of their bodies fit together. "What are you doing?"

"If my goody-two-shoes girlfriend isn't going to go to class, why should I?" He points out and for a second she can't think of a disagreement. "It's Monday. Let's sleep in."

"Class." Tara mutters but Jax is rubbing her back slowly, occasionally using his nails to raise the hair on her arms in a pleasant way.

"You have over a 4.00." Jax scoffs.

"You don't."

"You can miss a day of class." He reassures her, ignoring her comment. "Can't we just have a nice day to cuddle?"

"Cuddle." Tara's voice is tinged with amusement, as Jax's intention is poking her thigh.

"Not my fault you sleep in such cute pajamas." He protests, smiling into the back of her neck and running his hands over her soft, fuzzy shorts she'd worn to bed.

"Jax…" She breathed, stretching up to kiss him and he eagerly falls into their routine. An hour later they're both dozing, tangled up together.

"I love you." He mummers into her ear and she smiles, hiding it slightly.

"I love you too." She whispers back and she's fiddling with the ring again, so Jax takes her hand and kisses it, looking up at her imploringly.

"What's bothering you?" The question seems redundant on a day like today, when Jax knows why she doesn't want to get out of bed. It's not just a Monday, it's another one of the anniversaries they are both growing to dread.

"Donna and Opie are having sex." She blurts out and Jax reels back. He had expected many things, but not this.

"What?" He asks and Tara is trying to explain herself, stammering.

"I didn't… They… I thought… Opie… They… Didn't he tell you?" She demands and he nods, still trying to comprehend the shift of conversation.

"I mean, yeah but…" He takes a deep breath then looks at her in bewilderment. "What does that have to do with us?"

"We're not having sex." Tara's cheeks are flaming red. Jax chokes back a snort of laughter, sensing that he needs to be serious for her.

"I know." He says before he can help himself and Tara buries her face in the pillow, groaning loudly. "Tara, Tara, it's not bad!"

"Yes it is." Her voice is muffled, embarrassed.

"Ok, what brought this on?" He sits up, stroking her hair in concern. "Tara, I told you I'd never push you for not being ready. Ever."

"It's…" She struggles for words then rolls over so her head is in Jax's lap. He goes on gently stroking the fine baby hairs on her hairline, loving how her hair gets messy. "Someone said something and I've been thinking."

"Oh, great." He dips to kiss her nose. "What did the gossiping brats at Charming High say?"

"That if I don't put out you'll find someone who will." Tara's voice is no more than a whisper and she watches Jax's face in concern. She's thinking about Shea's explanation that cheating isn't really cheating, not with the club. But Jax doesn't look guilty, he just looks amused.

"Tara." He reaches down to pick up her left hand, the same hand that bears the ring he gave her. "I only want you. And I will wait for as long as you'd like."

"Ok." She whispers.

"Ok like we're having sex now?" Jax says hopefully and Tara smacks him with a pillow.

"No!"

"I'm teasing, I was joking!" He fends off her blows with a laugh and she's giggling too, smacking him with all the pillows on the bed. He waits until she's exhausted her supply and then pounces, pinning her down while both of them laughing, blankets tangled between their legs.

"I love you." She says breathlessly and he kisses her, smiling.

"I love you too." He glances at her wrists, his hands wrapped around them and pressing them to the bed. "You know, I could teach you to get out of a hold like this."

"Why would I need to know that?" She asks in confusion and Jax hesitates for a moment then kisses her forehead.

"No reason. Do you want breakfast?" He asks, as her rumbling stomach answers for her.

"Yes please." Smiling, she slides out of bed and pulls on a sweatshirt, following him down the hall and do the kitchen. He pulls out a pan and some eggs, moving around Tara's house easily. He's frying bacon when Tara starts humming. She's chopping up peppers and onions and ham to put in their omelets, humming, her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head. He listens for a couple minutes before asking,

"What song is that?"

"What song is what?" Tara looks at him, surprised.

"The one you're humming." He explains and she pauses, tilting her head slightly.

"Oh." After a moment her face falls slightly and she shrugs. "My mom use to sing in the kitchen, when she'd bake. I don't really remember the songs anymore. I try to sing them sometimes but I never can."

"Ah." He's not sure what to say here- Tara is the best at soothing his hurts, comforting him on the days when his demons and ghosts rise up. He's not sure how to make it the other way around.

"It's ok." She's trying to reassure him with over-bright smiles now, bringing him the cutting board before going to pour them glasses of milk or juice.

"Tara." He sets aside his cooking for now and goes to draw her into a hug. "I want you to talk about this stuff with me."

"Can I have extra peppers in mine?" She ducks the conversation literally, avoiding his attempts to catch her hand by darting around the table. "I'm going to go water the plants."

"The plants are dead." Jax says uselessly but she's already closing the sliding door and he gives up, going back to the stove. Tara stands outside with her arms wrapped around herself, taking in deep breathes to try and calm down.

She feels guilty, because she's pushed Jax for so many months to open up, explain to her his feelings about his father and brother. But now when he asks the same of her, she suddenly can't? The loss of her mother is an old hurt, one that shouldn't smart. If Jax can open up about the father he lost only a year and a half ago, why can't she about her mother that she lost half a decade earlier?

She's always treated this day as nothing more than a day, picking up and moving on, busying herself with school and homework. It's not like her father has ever been around to comfort her. Her aunt had called once, making awkward small talk, unsure of how to talk to Tara. She reassures herself that it's just strange having someone else in her life to be here on these days and then walks back inside.

Jax is sliding her omelet onto a plate and he smiles at her but stays quiet. He doesn't seem to be pushing the issue and for that, Tara is thankful. They sit in silence and eat, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Then Jax gets up, rinsing his plate, and turns to look at her.

"Yes?" She asks, amused because the sight of Jax Teller in his boxers in her kitchen, scrubbing dishes, seems so strange.

"What do you want to do today?" He asks and she shrugs, wondering if they're getting into dangerous territory again.

"Can we just, I don't know, curl up in bed and watch a movie?" She asks and he nods, kissing her head.

"But a macho, action-y, hero movie." He declares and she rolls her eyes. She'll win this argument later.

* * *

Jax is snoring lightly in her ear and her eyelids are drooping, even though she's not sleepy. The couch is warm and there's nothing but a gentle breeze through the windows. They've been sleeping nearly the whole day, except to order pizza. Crusts sit in the box now, making Tara smile. It's been a good day. Suddenly, the phone rings and she groans, sliding out from Jax's arm.

"Hello?" She asks, rubbing her face.

"Well there you are." Donna's tone is one of surprise. "I thought you'd be in the hospital."

"Why would I be there?" Tara asks in confusion, wondering if her sleepy brain isn't able to catch up.

"Because Tara Knowles would have to be really sick to miss school, especially this close to the end of the year." Donna reminds her and Tara rolls her eyes.

"Is the girl who cuts class at least two days really chiding me for taking a Monday off to sleep in?" She retorts and Donna clucks.

"Sleep in or sleep with Jax?"

"Both." Tara admits, mostly because she wants to hear Donna's reaction. She gasps dramatically.

"Tara Grace, my stars, what's gotten into you?"

"Not Jax Teller." Tara mutters and Donna snorts with laughter. "I just wanted today off. We've been watching movies and eating pizza."

"Well good." Donna's tone softens some. "I'm glad you're having a day to yourself. You deserve it."

"A day to myself like Jax isn't here." Tara says ruefully, glancing at Jax's still slumbering form.

"That's good for you." Donna says stoutly. "Now go back to cuddling your boyfriend. I think I'm going to do the same."

"I'll talk to you later." Tara says, smiling.

"Oh, and Tara?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, he's not going to think you're crazy or weird if you cry in front of him." Donna pauses for a long moment. "It'd be ok if you did. See you tomorrow at school." She hangs up and Tara gingerly sets the phone down, hesitating. Then she pads back to Jax, slipping back into his warmth.

"Hey." She nudges him with her nose.

"Mhmm?" He mummers, enveloping her.

"Do you have any questions about my mom?" She asks and his eyes crack open just slightly and then he pulls her tighter, kissing her of reheat.

"What can I ask?"

"Well, anything." Tara says slowly. "Whatever questions you have, I'll answer."

"I don't want to upset you." His face is so earnest, so concerned that Tara feels for a moment like she might cry with how sweet he's being.

"You won't." She promises, kissing his nose. "I promise, you never could."

"What was she like?" Jax is stroking her hair gently so Tara buries her face in his chest, squeezing her eyes shut, and remembers.

"I called her mama. She was tall, and beautiful. She had long hair and she usually worn it down. She had my eyes. No, I have her eyes. Whichever way. She was the most beautiful woman in the room, that's what my dad always said. She loved to bake and sing and watch soap operas on the tv. She was always involved in some charity. She didn't help me with homework but we would go on walks all around Charming- she just wanted to be outside. She use to joke that we were like sisters, because she could never give me any real siblings, so she tried to make up for it. We would explore and play and pretend. She was always coming up with games or stories or plays. I think if things had been different for her she'd have been an actress, the way that she could tell a story and how she hated normal life. She always wanted to pretend to be somewhere else but I just remember being blissfully happy. We were like a perfect little Rockwell painting.

"But then mama got sick. I was still little and my father wasn't about to admit that his perfect wife was dying, so he went on pretending things were fine, even on the day she went to hospital and never came home. Ovarian cancer. She was so young and I'd hear people whisper about how it was such a shame. I wasn't… I wasn't there when she died. I was at school. My father had refused to let me miss up until that point. I knew it was bad when my grandmother picked me up. She told me that my mother was dead and that I needed to come home. So I went.

"No one comforted me, not really. My father, you know what he's like. He'd hardly shave or get dressed. My grandmother, she wasn't that much better. She planned everything, but I think that took all the strength out of her. My aunt disappeared back to the city when it was all over and my grandmother passed a couple months after that. I think it's too hard for her to reach out to me. She lost her mother and her sister in less than a year and what am I? Just a reminder."

"You had to do all that… Alone?" Jax asks, horrified.

"Well, you did too." Tara's avoiding his eyes and he shakes his head, trying to smother her with love now.

"No, no I wasn't alone. I had uncles and my mother and a whole family behind me. I had Opie." Jax's voice breaks and he wants to cry for her, because he remembers that slight, dark girl from childhood, the one who refused to play with them but took the jabs about her dead mother with skin perhaps thicker than even his.

"I was young." She's still trying to rationalize it and Jax just rocks her back and forth.

"You're not doing to have to anything alone again." He vows with all his heart. "I'm going to be right here Tara, I promise."

 **AN:** Sorry it's late but happy Thanksgiving! Thankful for readers and reviewers and the rest. If any of you are curious about my 'German Jax Teller' aka Wolfgang, go read my new stories for Sense8!


	36. School's Out Forever

_June 7th, 1995_

"Freedom!" Jax yells, as he bursts through the doors of Charming High. Giggling, Tara and Donna follow, Opie behind them, smiling just sightly. Jax gives the building the middle finger, pulling a protesting Tara in to kiss her forehead.

"Thank god school's done." Donna says, stretching up on her toes to kiss Opie. "This summer is going to be amazing."

"Yeah, starting with the fact that I never have to set foot in that place again." Jax declares and Tara pauses in putting on her helmet, glancing at him.

"What does that mean?" She asks, frowning.

"I mean," Jax begins to flounder, looking at Opie for help, but he and Donna remain impassive. "Well, ah, I guess, I, uh, talked to my mom, and um, well, her and Clay, they uh, we um, all agreed that uh, I could, I mean, it makes sense if, I um, you know, we decided to, I guess-"

"Spit it out Jackson." Tara says shortly.

"I'm getting my GED." He states quietly. Tara gapes at him, while Opie and Donna decide now if the best time to make their escape. The sound of Opie's bike prevents Tara from saying anything, so Jax takes his escape and hops on, waiting for her.

"We're talking about this." Tara declares and he just nods, revving the engine. They go to the cabin, where Donna and Opie are unloading cases of beer into the fridge, laughing and joking. They quiet when Jax and Tara arrive.

"Here, let me help." Jax instantly moves to take Donna's spot, head bent so his hair falls in front of his face.

"Come T, let's go get firewood." Donna says, grabbing Tara's arm firmly.

"But-" Tara starts to protest. Donna drags her out the back door and towards the woods. "I wanted to talk to Jax!"

"Do you?" Donna asks pointedly, bending down and gathering twigs. "Think about this for two seconds Tara."

"Think about what?" Tara demands, grudgingly grabbing sticks of her own.

"Them." Donna gestures to the house with an eye roll. "Tara, how long have Jax and Opie been friends?"

"I don't know, probably since birth." Tara says, blinking in confusion at the question.

"And how long have we been dating them?" Donna asks and Tara frowns again.

"You guys a year, us not quite." She answers slowly.

"Exactly. 1 year against 16 Tara." Donna brushes her hair back and shakes her head. "Opie and Jax have been planning this since they were kids. Do you really think you can stop it?"

"Planning what, getting their GEDs?" Tara scoffs. "I don't think they planned this Donna, I just think they're being lazy and they don't wanna go to school anymore."

"Wait." Now it's Donna's turn to be confused, tilting her head to one side slightly. "You don't… Know?"

"Know what?" Tara asks in bewilderment.

"Why they're getting their GEDs." Donna dumps her armful of sticks into the fire pit and Tara follows suit. "It's not because they're super motivated to finish high school or anything."

"Then why?" Tara glances back at the house. When she looks back to Donna, she's smiling in a pitying sort of way.

"Tara, it's because they're going to start prospecting for the club." Donna states this as a fact and Tara sits on the steps, mind racing.

When was Jax going to tell her? Was he ever going to tell her? What was he going to say? They'd talked about him joining the club, but not like this. He'd always talked about it in the abstract, mentioned it as an 'if' not a 'when'. He'd never explained, he'd never confided in her, nothing.

"So what's that mean for me?" Tara asks, a little dumbly and Donna sits next to her, taking her hand.

"What do you mean?" She asks, frowning just slightly.

"I mean…" Tara takes a deep breath and rubs her forehead vigorously. "That's it, right? That's Jax's end game. The club. That's all he wants to do. No high school graduation, no college, no anything. He's got his life planned at 17. So where do I fit in?"

"You're his girlfriend." Donna waves a dismissive hands. "Jax loves you. Why are you so worried?"

"Because I'm not going to Charming Community College." Tara says grimly. Donna opens her mouth like she's going to ask something but then thinks better of it. She pats Tara's knee and then the boys walk out, asking about lighter fluid.

* * *

Tara hardly gets a chance to talk to Jax at the party- it's mostly a blur of people doing stupid, drunk things. Tara manages to talk boys out of cutting things down, setting things on fire, and throwing things. She hardly notices that Jax is watching her with a small smile on his face.

"Hey you." He catches her around the waist as she slides past him, delicately carrying a shattered picture frame.

"Hi." She shuts it away in a high cupboard and smiles quickly at him. "Having fun?"

"Are you?" He tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and she shrugs, watching over his shoulder as a game of hot potato is starting, though the hot potato looks to be an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Yeah, sure." She says absentmindedly and a moment later the bottle hits the floor and shatters.

"What the-" Jax turns, frowning slightly. "What was that?"

"Something I should clean up." Tara sighs, heading for the closet to grab a broom.

"Tara, wait." He catches her wrist and pulls her back to him, enfolding her in a hug. "Can't we not worry about other people's stupid shit for one night?"

"Do you want someone to cut themselves on it and cause problems?" Tara points out in amusement.

"No one will." Jax reassures her, moving in to kiss her. Before his lips can even graze her, a string of cuss words and yelling breaks out behind them.

"Told you." Tara whispers, kissing his nose instead and going to get the broom. Jax groans loudly.

"Quit whining, you know how lucky you are to have her." Donna says, appearing at his left elbow like magic.

"Of course I do." Jax says, nonplussed. Both of them watch as Tara sweeps up the glass then goes to look at the cut on some boy's foot, helping him over to the sink so she can disinfect it. "And I know you know I know, so why are we talking about it?"

"A reminder." Donna takes a sip of her drink. "You need to tell her Jax."

"Tell her what?" Jax plays dumb and Donna frowns at him.

"I spilled the beans about you and Opie prospecting. That's why you're getting your GEDs." Donna explains and he makes a face. "And if you had been the one to tell her, you'd know she didn't take it well."

"It's not like I was any good at school anyways." Jax grumbles and Donna fixes him with a steely glare.

"That's not my point Jackson."

"Then what is?" He asks pointedly and she gestures to the chaos of the party.

"This is your life. You love it. Does she?" They watch as Tara opens a cabinet she's converted into a first aid kit, getting bandages and tape out. "I'm just saying, if you don't figure out how to make room for her in this life, she's not going to stay." With that, Donna leaves to try and head off a fight happening near the bathroom. Jax, a little dumbfounded and a little more drunk, waits until Tara walks back to him.

"What's wrong?" She asks, frowning slightly at his stunned look.

"Do you have fun at these things?" He asks her abruptly and she's taken aback but looks around and shrugs.

"I'm with you and that's fun enough." She says sweetly and his frown deepens.

"But if I wasn't here, would you come to these things?" He presses and she hesitates, automatically intercepting a football getting thrown across the living room before it can hit the tv.

"No?" She guesses and he slumps a little. "But Jax, that's because I'm a homebody, you know this. I'd be content at home with tea and a book and fuzzy socks." She smiles and strokes his cheek.

"Well," He says slowly. "I can at least do one thing." Suddenly he scoops her up.

"Jax!" She cries, laughing. He ignores her demands of where they're going and carries her to the bedroom, locking the door behind them and curling around her on the bed. "What in the world?" She's breathless with laughter.

"If you're only here for me, then let's be together." He says simply and she smiles, running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you." She says sweetly.

"I love you." He responds and for a long moment they're quiet.

"Tell me about the club." Tara whispers.

"What do you want to know?" Jax shifts into a more comfortable position and pulls her close, tangling their legs together and resting her head on his chest.

"I'm… Scared of it." Tara admits. "And I think that's why I want to know what it means for you to prospect for it. Because all I know about it is guns, jail, and it's how you lost your father."

"I lost my father to an accident." Jax's tone is even but Tara senses how his voice hitches. "Not the club. The club was there for me when I lost my father."

"Is that why you're going to prospect? Because you think you owe them?" Tara questions and he looks down at her in surprise.

"Tara, it's not like that. I don't do anything because I 'owe them' and they would never force me to do something because I 'owe them'. They're family. I'm doing it because I belong there." He spells out and she traces patterns on his stomach.

"You're 17. You belong in school." She mutters and he chuckles.

"No, you belong in school, my genius girlfriend." He presses a kiss to her head. "You know I hated school. I was shit at it anyways. This just means I'll be working when you're at school. And I'll have more money to spoil you." He squeezes her and she rolls her eyes.

"I don't need to be spoiled." She grumbles.

"I know but I want to." He insists.

"I just…" Tara struggles to articulate the worries in her mind. "I wish you would go to college Jax, I wish you would do something more. Life isn't all caught up in Charming."

"I know that." He says, a little defensively. "But Tara, how long have you known you wanted to be a doctor?"

"I don't know, I just always have." She gives a tiny shrug.

"Exactly. I always knew I was going to go into the club Tara." Jax protests and she exhales loudly.

"Or are you just doing it because you're the prince?" She challenges and he groans loudly, kicking off his shoes.

"I'm not the prince, not matter how many people call me that." He declares. "Tara, this is my choice. My path."

"I just feel like there's a certain someone who might be pulling the strings." Tara mimes making a puppet dance.

"Really. You want to talk about my mother." Jax says, slightly amused. "She's just my mother Tara, she's not some evil overlord."

"That's what you think." Tara says under her breath. "And it's not just your mother Jax, it's Opie and Donna and Clay and everyone who would act like it would be some big scandal if you didn't go into the club."

"Well, what did you think I would do?" Jax isn't spiteful, isn't angry, just curious. "What did you think I was going to do?"

"I don't know." Tara flounders, gesturing with her hands. "Get a degree…"

"In?"

"Motorcycle riding." She mutters and he laughs, shaking her gently.

"That's why fixing bikes is the next best thing. Tara, I know you think this is crazy or strange. But just because it's not your plan doesn't make it so wrong. Besides, no one in my family went to college." He shrugs. "It's not a big deal."

"I just don't understand how you can make such a huge choice at 17." She plays with the covers. "Because I heard you and Opie talking about it once, about how some guy had tried to leave."

"What did you hear?" A little note of fear has crept into Jax's voice and Tara frowns, recalling.

"You'd said something about how you only leave SAMCRO when you're dead." She recalls and Jax's arms tighten around her just slightly. "Then you said something about the club killing a rat? Honestly Jax, I don't know how you sleep in the clubhouse if there's rats."

"There's no more rats." Jax says darkly. "But Tara, why is it just because I'm young I can't know what I want? I have the perfect life. I have my dream bike, a steady job, a best friend, and the most smoking chick."

"Hey." Tara hits him, laughing. "I'm more than just a hot body Jax Teller."

"You're smart and kind and wonderful." He nuzzles her hair. "I am completely undeserving of a girl like you." They sit in content silence for awhile, listening to the party just behind the door.

"How is this going to change us?" Tara whispers finally, her biggest fear revealed. "Shea, she told me about crow eaters and stuff. I just… Do I belong there Jax?"

"You belong with me." He says fiercely, holding her tight, thinking about Donna's words. "No matter what."

"I'm just worried it's going to change stuff. I like what we have Jax." Tara smiles shyly up at him. "I know you think it's no big deal but you're talking about the rest of your life. A job, a commitment, to stay. I just… I don't like change."

"I promise Tara, me prospecting for the club won't change anything. It'll be completely normal." Jax swears and she nods, letting the topic go for now. They climb under the covers, snuggling together easily. As the two of them drift off to sleep to the sounds of a party in the background, Tara wonders why she was ever worried about this in the first place.

 **AN:** So just out of curiosity, how many of you are reading both my stories?


	37. Summer Days, Drifting Away

_July 25th, 1995_

"Oh my god, it is so hot." Donna complains, sprawled out on the floor. Tara looks at her in amusement, opening the freezer and tossing her a popsicle. "It is the hottest it's ever been and the hottest it will ever be."

"Wait till the end of August." Tara says with amusement and Donna groans.

"Alright, that's it." She declares, standing. Tara raises an eyebrow but is too busy trying to eat her rapidly melting popsicle to truly focus. "We're calling the boys."

"I thought they were working at the garage today." Tara reminds her.

"I don't care. I'm too hot. We're going to the pool." Donna decides, picking up the phone.

"What are the boys going to do, just leave work?" Tara asks and Donna holds up a finger to hush her. Tara obliges.

"Hi, can I talk to Opie?" She asks sweetly. There's a long pause, before Tara hears Opie on the other end. "Hi honey. How's work? Yeah, it's hot here too. That's why Tara and I are going to the pool. Wanna come? Oh, work? That's a shame, tell Jax that Tara has the cutest, smallest little green bikini- Ow!" Donna defends herself from Tara's whacks.

"I'm not wearing that, it's from two summers ago." She hisses and Donna rolls her eyes.

"It's sexy. You're wearing it." She states. "Now Opie, leave work. Grab Jax. We're going to the pool." She hangs up with a smirk.

"Are they coming?" Tara questions and Donna shrugs.

"They will. Now go get your suit on. And wear the green one, it's cute."

"It's too small." Tara protests, exasperated and Donna smacks her butt as she walks by.

"Doesn't matter, it's cute. Go on." Rolling her eyes, Tara heeds Donna's orders and goes, digging the old suit out from her bottom drawers.

"I feel like I'm naked." Tara complains as she pulls on her coverup.

"That's the whole point." Donna says cheerfully, hoisting her boobs up and inspecting herself in the mirror. "You're so pale, you need a little sun."

"A little sun leads to a little sunburn." Tara says ruefully and Donna tosses tanning lotion into her bag.

"You'll be fine." She assures Tara, who shakes her head and reaches for her SPF 50. They're just putting their flip flops on when the boys pull up in Opie's truck.

"Hey." They scoot as the girls climb in. The air outside is like a oven, and the broken air-conditioning in the truck doesn't help. They scoot together, already sweating.

"Was anyone mad when you guys left work early?" Tara asks in concern.

"Nah." Jax waves a dismissive hand. "They all agreed it's too damn hot to do anything."

"That's why we're going swimming." Donna says happily, bouncing slightly. They pull up to the pool, unsurprised to see that it's already packed.

"Ow, hot, hot, hot." Tara and Donna dance across the pavement, the boys watching in amusement.

"The problem with flip flops." Opie observes in amusement. Donna and Tara stick their tongues out and pay, disappearing into the female locker room.

"So small." Tara mutters, looking at herself in the mirror before signing and letting her coverup fall back down.

"Stop, tiny butt. You look amazing." Donna chides.

"Says you. You actually have boobs." Tara grumbles and Donna glances at her chest and grins.

"They're not all they're cracked up to be, trust me. Now c'mon, I want to see if Op will get me ice cream." Donna drags her into the sunlight and they both squint, adjusting. Jax and Opie have pulled a couple chairs together and have tossed their shirts onto them, grinning and talking.

"Hi handsome." Tara says to Jax, grinning at him. He's already tanned, his ads washboard. For a second, with his easy smile and sparkling eyes, Tara is breathless at how attractive he is.

"Hi gorgeous." He dips to kiss her briefly. She kicked off her sandals and sets her towel on the chair before hesitating and pulling her coverup off.

"See?" Donna's got an arm slung around Opie's waist and a sly grin. "Told you Jax would love the suit."

"I… Do." He stammers, a little dumbfounded and Tara blushes.

"C'mon, it's hot." Opie punches Jax's shoulder as he passes. The boys cannonball in, whooping. Donna and Tara use the ladder, complaining when the boys splash them before ducking under and emerging, grinning.

They play chicken, laughing and splashing each other, have handstand contests, and attempt to dunk one another. Finally, the girls decide to tan and Jax challenges Opie to a front flip contest. The girls sit down in their chairs while the boys race to the diving boards.

"You were right." Tara admits, as her and Donna munch on concession food and soak in the sun.

"About what this time?" Donna rubs tanning lotion into her legs.

"This is fun." Tara observes the little kids playing the shallows, the adults with their toes in, the younger children whooping as they go down the slide. "This is really fun."

"Yeah, and I'm gonna get nice and tan and we got to cool off and we have snacks." Donna sighs contentedly. "Could life get any better?"

They talk about the upcoming school year- junior year seems so old. Tara, still younger than everyone else, feels weird that she's going to be a step ahead of everyone else. Donna is just excited to be an upperclassman. Neither of them touches on the fact that high school is going to be far more different this year with their boys gone. They keep it light and casual, wondering if the dances will actually be fun or if the dress code will still ban shorts.

"And just think, I'm finally in pre-calculus." Tara says happily.

"You are the only person I know that's excited to be taking classes that could be a college class." Donna rolls her eyes. "You're a weird one, Tara Grace."

"Maybe." Tara shrugs. "But I'm your best friend. C'mon, let's go cool off in the 4 foot, I'm hot." They both glance over at the diving boards, watching in amusement as Jax attempts a double front flip and lands hard on his back.

"Ouch." Donna comments and Jax pulls himself up the ladder, winching. Tara shakes her head but flashes him a thumbs up. They stand in the 4 foot, watching the boys, chatting about parents- Donna's father hadn't sent anything for her birthday, something Donna's trying to play off as cool.

"You're bothered by it." Tara insists.

"Am not." Donna cups the water and lets it flow out between her fingers. "Not at all."

"Donna." Tara chides.

"Well, I mean, at least for Christmas we got the divorce papers." Donna jokes weakly and Tara frowns at her.

"Not funny. He's your dad and he forgets to get you a present, that's a pretty sucky dad." Tara states.

"Your dad forgot to get you something." Donna comes back with and Tara doesn't bother to deny her point.

"I know. But Jax made up for it." She affectionately touches the thin gold necklace that has a tiny motorcycle charm on it. Donna smiles at her.

"Exactly. And Opie made sure my day was great, so it doesn't matter what my preachy, absent father does or doesn't do, I'm happy." She declares and Tara smiles.

"Me too. I think-"

"Hey." A male voice cuts Tara off. She and Donna both turn, glancing at the boy speaking to them. He's gangly, with freckles and a mop of dirty blond hair. His friends stand behind him, muttering lowly amongst themselves.

"Hi." Tara says politely, glancing at him, then his friends, then Donna.

"I'm Jesse." He sticks his hand out and Tara shakes it unsurely. Donna does the same, raising an eyebrow. "What are you girls up to?"

"Swimming." Donna says, as though it should be obvious. He glances them over again and Tara is painfully aware once more at how small her swimsuit is.

"Would you wanna come swim with me and my buddies?" He offers and Donna snorts.

"No, we're good, thank you." Tara says hastily, before Donna can make a sassy comment.

"Why not?" He tilts his head and moves closer. Tara, trying to back towards the wall, flashes him an uneasy smile, catching Donna's elbow and pulling her with her.

"I think we're going to get out of the water." She informs him. He and the group are still following them.

"We'll come with." He offers and Tara hoists herself up and out of the pool.

"No, really, really, we're fine." She insists.

"We just wanna hang out." He protests and Donna sticks her hand out, stopping him.

"We don't want to hang out with you. Our boyfriends are right over there. So don't try it ok?" She flashes him a dazzling smile. "Now go."

"What the hell?" Tara mutters, glancing over her shoulder as he swims back to his friends.

"Boys." Donna shakes her head. "Now c'mon, I want a popsicle."

* * *

"Donna." Tara hisses, under her breath. "Donna, the boys. Why are they sitting so close to us?"

"What boys?" Donna folds her feet underneath her, picking up a magazine from her bag. Tara jerks her thumb over her shoulder, where the group of boys have gathered, talking loudly.

"Those boys." She grumbles.

"Tara." Donna says patiently. "They are horny teenage boys. We are hot teenage girls. Do you see where this is going?"

"It's weird. I don't like it." Tara complains.

"Then tell Jax." Donna says, raising an eyebrow.

"No." Tara shifts uncomfortably. "That's weird, I don't want to be that girl that only talks to her boyfriend."

"Doesn't bother me." Donna shrugs. "Opie's the only man I want."

"I know." Tara says in amusement and a second later, jumps when Jesse sits down next to her and slings his arm around her.

"So we were thinking we'd hang out with you girls anyways." He announces loudly, seemingly unaware that Tara has gone tense.

"We really don't want that." Donna's voice has taken on a razor edge, her smile flinty.

"Why not?" He asks smoothly.

"Because they're with us." Both girls look up to see Opie, long hair raked back, arms folded over his chest. Jax is standing beside him, eyebrows raised, hands folded in front of him.

"Really?" Jesse glances between the girls and the boys.

"Yeah." Donna smiles, getting up and stretching on her tippy-toes to kiss Opie deeply.

"So I suggest you get your damn hands off my girlfriend before I wring your scrawny little neck." Jax threatens.

"Seriously?" He stands and the rest of his friends stand as well. Jax and Opie eye them calmly.

"Yes seriously." Recalling all of the fights that she's seen Jax get in with men a lot bigger than this kid, Tara moves and puts herself between them, a hand on Jax's chest, glaring at the other boys. "Now go."

"Your girl isn't even that hot." He scoffs, walking away and Tara holds Jax back, grabbing his face.

"Don't, don't. It's not worth it." She asserts. "This isn't some party Jax, this is public. Stop it."

"Tara, he insulted you!" Jax says hotly, fury in his eyes as he glares at the group of boys. "He touched you!"

"That doesn't matter." Tara strokes his cheek. "Jax, it doesn't matter at all. What's wrong?"

"I just…" He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through her hair, holding it tightly. "I hate when other guys look at you Tara, it drives me crazy." He kisses her on the forehead.

"But why?" She asks, nonplussed.

"Because Tara, you're my girl." Jax wraps his arms around her, a hand on her back and a hand on her butt. "Because I'm in love with you. And you're mine. And if a guy wants to touch him, I'll rip his head off first."

"Are you… Jealous?" Tara asks in amusement and Jax struggles for a moment, shaking his head and blustering.

"No! No, I'm not… I'm not, I just, well, ah, I…"

"You're jealous." Tara kisses him on the nose, grinning. "You're jealous and it is adorable."

"You know I get jealous." He mummers and they sit down, Tara tangling her legs with Jax's and grinning at him.

"I know, but usually over, you know, fries, your bike, hot sauce wings, and the TV remote." She teases and he laughs, brushing her hair back.

"Yeah, all that stuff is great. I'd punch people in the face for stealing my food or trying to change the channel but it's different with you and my bike Tara." He kisses her knuckles. "Don't touch the things that mean the most to me."

"You say the sweetest things." She laughs and kisses him again.

 **AN:** S/O to whoever suggested jealousJax! Another question, how many of you have read First Son, Cursed Son?


	38. Gifts

_August 31st, 1995_

"Happy anniversary." Jax wakes her up with a kiss on the forehead. She blinks her eyes open, smiling sleepily at him.

"Hi." She mummers, lifting her covers up so that he can crawl under. He wraps his arms around her and holds her close.

"One whole year of conning you into being my girlfriend." He reflects and she grins, shoving her face into the pillow.

"You didn't con me into anything." She rolls over and beams at him. "Except maybe the whole conning me into making you breakfast."

"Speaking of breakfast, I was planning on making you breakfast in bed for our anniversary but…" He trails off, grinning at her and she raises one eyebrow, folding her arms.

"But you want me to help?"

"No, but you make the best possible chocolate chip pancakes in this whole world and no one can hold a candle to them." He says, kissing her forehead, nose, checks, and finally the lips. "And I would love to make you breakfast in bed but I would love chocolate chip pancakes too."

"Alright, up, up." She orders, pushing him out with her feet. "Go get the stove ready, I'll make the batter."

"I love you." He proclaims and she makes a face at him, pulling on one of his sweatshirts. She joins him in the kitchen, slipping her arms around his waist and resting her head between his shoulder blades.

"Happy anniversary." She mummers and he turns to kiss her head. She smiles up at him sweetly.

"I love you." He repeats again.

"Oh, I love you too." She says, opening the cupboard to grab the ingredients for the pancakes.

"So, what do you want to do for our anniversary? We've only got a couple more days of summer before school starts. We could go for a ride, we could go to the beach, we could go to the pool, we could go to the mall, we could read or watch movies, whatever you'd like my love." He offers.

"Well, what do you want to do?" She questions. "I'm just happy to spend it with you Jax."

"Well then…" He kisses her head and hands her the skillet.

"Well what?" She asks, after a long pause.

"Surprise." He says with a grin.

"Jax!" She protests but he remains steadfast in his silence, making her toast before the pancakes are ready. They sit around the kitchen table, Tara's feet in his lap, laughing and swiping syrup from each other's plates.

"Alright." He says, putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen.

"Alright you're finally going to tell me where we're going?" She questions and he smiles, tweaking her nose.

"Not even close Tara Grace. Now go get dressed, it's hot out."

"Ok, is this appropriate?" She asks, emerging from her bedroom in shorts and a tank top.

"You look flawless, like always." He promises, kissing her deeply.

"Now tell me where we're going?" She requests sweetly.

"Get on the bike Tara Knowles." He orders, holding the door open for her and with laughter and some protesting, she does as told. Jax's surprise turns out to be a trip to the bookstore. They park out front and Tara looks at the door then back at Jax quizzically.

"What… Is this?" She asks slowly.

"Well," Jax grins at her, leaning on his handlebars. "What gift do you get a girl who already has a ring, a necklace, and doesn't want anything else? I figured, what is the only thing my Tara Grace can never have too much of?"

"Books." Tara realizes, a smile creeping across her face. "Books. Jax, you're buying me books?"

"As many as you like, whichever you like." He promises, getting off the bike. "You want it, it's yours."

"You know, I take awhile to pick my books out." She says, hesitating at the door. He kisses her before opening it for here.

"As long as I spend my day with you, I'm happy." He reminds her and with a little squeal, she enters the bookstore, looking around in wonder.

"Ok, I think I'm going to start in the textbook side and then I want to go to the non-fiction and that will take the longest and then I'll go to the fiction." She babbles, bouncing around like a child in a toy store. Jax, smiling, picks up a magazine and sits down in a squashy chair in the corner, sitting and watching her browse with an affectionate smile.

Occasionally, she'll pop back over to him, clutching a book, excitedly showing him something. He'll smile and nod and she'll fret over it for a minute, weighing one book against the other before finally deciding to add it to the pile. She spends the whole morning doing this, until finally Jax's stomach is rumbling and there's a stack of books to his knee.

"Tara." He catches her hand as she makes one final lap around the bookstore, head tilted so she can read titles better.

"Yes?" She turns, smiling at him.

"Lunch?" He requests and she glances at the stack of books.

"I need to sort through them, you can't buy me all of these." She frets and he stops her before she can sit down.

"Tara." He says patiently. "I'm buying you all the books."

"Jax." She looks at him in astonishment. "That's too much, you can't possibly buy me all of them."

"I love you." He kisses her and ducks, gathering all the books in his arms. He walks to the register, Tara trailing after him, protesting. He sets them down, grins at the clerk, and pulls out a couple bills.

"My gift isn't as expensive as this." Tara mutters and he turns while the old lady checks them out, grabbing her shoulders.

"Tara, I'm working now. I can afford this. I can afford to spoil you and that's what I'm going to do. This makes me happy." He kisses her knuckles. "You being happy makes me happy."

"What did I do to deserve you?" She wonders and he kisses her once, twice, three times.

"You handle me." He says, amused and she giggles.

"I think I deserve more books for that."

"Sassy."

* * *

After they return the books home, Jax takes her for lunch at the diner. They get ice cream afterwards, before wandering through the gardens of Charming, laughing as their treats melt in the summer heat. They admire the flower and Jax picks her a little daisy sticking it behind her ear.

"I like daisies." She tells him, thoughtfully spinning the steam of another one between her fingers. "But lavender is my favorite."

"Lavender!" Jax exclaims suddenly and she looks at him in mild alarm. "Lavender, do you have lavender shampoo?"

"Yes?" She says, a little nonplussed.

"I thought so." Satisfied, he continues walking.

"Do you want to tell me what that means?" Tara jogs to catch up, her head cocked slightly.

"Your hair." He pulls her close to kiss her head and sniffs her hair. "It always reminded me of my grandparents' house. I could never figure out why, but it's because my grandpa Nate grows lavender in his garden."

"Those are your mom's parents?" Tara asks carefully and he nods. Despite their year of dating, he's hardly mentioned his family.

"Uh, yeah." He takes the last bite of his ice cream and Tara guides him to a bench, sitting on it and pulling her feet up. "Grandpa Nate and Grandma Rose. My mom ran away from home when she was younger, so their relationship wasn't great. I see them every now and then. Sometimes hardly ever. It was better when I was a kid. It got worse after Tommy died."

"Isn't family weird?" She muses, resting her chin on her knees. "Some people have these big, big families and we just have no one."

"I have the club." Jax reminds him and Tara doesn't comment on what kind of family she thinks that is. "But I think I'd like a big family. Lots of kids. Boys. Maybe a couple girls. If they're as cute as you I'd be in trouble."

"As cute as me?" She dusks her head to hide a bashful smile. "I'm not even that cute. You're much cuter."

"No, a little girl with your eyes and smile? She'd drive the boys crazy." Jax says, a little wistfully.

"And I suppose that you'd want a couple little blond haired, blue eyed Teller boys running around." Tara says, letting herself play into Jax's vision for a second. He grins at her.

"Of course I would. A little boy, man. I'd love to be a dad." He suddenly turns serious. "I'd like to think I'd make a better dad than my old man."

"Jax, of course you would." She wraps her fingers around his wrist and smiles at him. "You'd make a great dad."

"Ah, well," He tries to steer the conversation back into safe territory. "If I want my kids to be raised like siblings with Opie's, we better be ready to have a baby here in about two years."

"Oh, man." Tara throws her head back and laughs. "Those two. I think Donna would have a baby right now if Opie wouldn't keel over at the idea of it." She shakes her head.

"Imagine, godparents before we're 18." Jax says thoughtfully.

"You'd think we'd be godparents?" Tara asks him in surprise and he looks at her, quirking an eyebrow.

"Of course we would. Remember the family thing? Blood is blood Tara but you can have family by choice too. And the four of us, we're a family. We'll always be a family."

"I love you." She says suddenly, overwhelmed at the realization of it all. A year with Jax. Her Jax. The love of her life. That's what he is, there's no way around it. She's sure she'll never feel this way about another person ever. "I really, really love you Jax Teller."

"I love you too." He says casually and Tara is smiling at him like she's never quite seen anything like him. "Wanna go for a bike ride babe?" He offers and she nods, standing.

"Can we go to our spot?"

"Where else would I take you on our anniversary?"

* * *

"Today has been wonderful." Tara says quietly, nuzzling into Jax's chest. He's reading one of his magazines over her head, the two of them curled up on Tara's couch.

"It really has." He mummers and Tara is squirming with nervousness. Sensing something is wrong, Jax sets his magazine aside and looks down at her, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" She ties to play cool and he chuckles.

"What's making you so antsy?" He questions softly and Tara opens and closes her mouth a couple times before finally standing up and offering Jax her hand. He takes it, a little bemused.

"I've decided something." She says quietly.

"What's that?" He wraps his arms around her and sways, making her smile and even more sure in her decision.

"I love you, Jackson Teller. And I always will."

"I'll always love you too." He promises, kissing her head.

"C'mon." Guiding him, she leads him to her bedroom.

"Tara." He sounds a little shocked, but she's resolute. "Tara, what in the world are you doing?"

"I love you." Her lips find his neck and she's kissing him, fumbling at buttons and his hands are taking off her clothes as well, even as he mutters questions to her. She tries to answer with her kisses, pulling him down to her bed.

"Tara, wait." He drags himself away from her lips, breathing heavily. "Tara, are you 100% sure?"

"I love you. I have only ever loved you. And I will only ever love you. You, Jax Teller, are the love of my life. I am so unsure of so many things in this world. But I know one thing so, so clearly and it is that I love you with ever fiber and soul of my being. I have for this year and I will for years after this one. I want you. I want this. I want us. I love you."

She falls asleep, still naked, in Jax's arms. As she drifts off into sleep, Jax's chest rising and falling steadily behind her back, she lefts a small smile cross her face. It wasn't like a big, dramatic thing like movies had always made it out to be. It had just felt right. It felt like love.

 **AN:** Cause it was gonna happen in the most cliche high school way possible and I am not sorry. Reviews are always appreciated, especially since I'm snowed in!


	39. What Would Gemma Teller Do?

_September 12th, 1995_

"I love you. Have a good day." Tara says, taking her helmet off and handing it back to Jax.

"You too sweetie." Jax kisses her cheek and grins at her. "Have a good day at school, nerd."

"Have a good day at work, biker." She teases back and Jax roars away. Tara takes a deep breath and turns, facing the brick façade of her school. School has always been a safe place for her. She's always liked school and it's come easy to her. But school without Jax has been turning into a nightmare. She takes a deep breath, sets her shoulders, and walks the first period.

"Oh my god, who does she think she is?"

"Look at her, thinking she's hot."

"She thinks she's so much better than everyone else."

"Does she actually believe she's hot?"

"I bet she'll open her legs for anyone."

"I can't believe Jax dates that whore."

"I wonder if she's pregnant."

"I bet he cheats on her all the time."

"Slut."

"Bitch."

"Brat."

"Try hard."

She sits down in her desk, taking out her Spanish homework and reviewing her conjugations. The whispers carry on behind her, but she's too distracted remembering the differences between perfect and imperfect past tenses in ar, ir, and er verbs.

"Alright, alright, everyone, settle. Buenos dias, clase." Their teacher says, walking in and setting her coffee mug on her desk.

"Buenos dias maestra." They chorus. The class provides a shelter from the whispers and the looks. Here, she is safe. So she bends her head down over her homework and thinks that this is the only thing she can do without judgement.

* * *

"Hi you." Donna bounces up to her at her locker, grinning.

"Did you miss first period again?" Tara asks her grumpily. Donna pauses in the middle of taking her science book out, frowning slightly. Tara slams her notebooks into her locker.

"Whoa, ok." Donna looks at her in confusion. "What happened this morning, did you see Gemma?"

"No." Tara mutters, trying not to let the corners of her mouth quirk up in amusement.

"Well then what? Because you seemed pissed." Donna shuts the locker, walking beside Tara.

"Do people… Say things about you?" Tara asks Donna lowly who frowns at her. Tara gestures for her to look around. They walk in silence to their next class, the whispers and snide comments following them.

"Slut."

"I heard she won't put out. What a prude."

"She's a stuck up bitch."

"I wonder why he's with her."

"Maybe she's a stripper."

"Does she think she's better than everyone?"

"No wonder she has no friends."

"Whore."

"Bitch."

"Whoa." Donna says, once they round a corner into a quiet hallway. "Is it always like that?"

"Yeah." Tara says grimly. "I don't think anyone said anything last year because Jax was here. But now it's worse."

"Tara, you need a punch a bitch." Donna declares and Tara looks at her in astonishment. "You do! They can't talk about you like that. You know why no one talks about Gemma like that?"

"Because she would kill them if they did?" Tara answers with a raised eyebrow.

"Because she would kill them if they did." Donna says firmly. "Tara, if people make you mad, fight them."

"What are we in, prison?" Tara demands.

"Yes." Donna gestures broadly to the classroom. "Look around, we're totally in prison."

"Donna, I'm not fighting anyone." Tara puts her books down and slides into a desk. "It's not my way."

"It's the Gemma way and it works."

* * *

"Hey baby, how was school?" Jax asks, walking in and kicking off his shoes. Tara, sitting at the table doing homework, doesn't bother to glance up, just wiggles a couple fingers.

"Hey." She mutters and he frowns, sitting down at the table.

"Tara." He says shortly.

"Mhmm?" She responds, not looking up.

"Tara. What's wrong?" He asks, taking her hand.

"Nothing." She says shortly, flipping over her worksheet and pulling her hand away from him.

"Tara." He stares at her, a little bewildered. "Tara, you're kind of scaring me right now. What happened?"

"Nothing." She throws her pencil down and he raises an eyebrow. "I'm completely fine Jax."

"Clearly." He stands and opens a cupboard, picking a piece of chocolate out and offering it to her. "Talk to me."

"It's nothing." She grumbles, eating the piece of chocolate. "People at school suck. You know how they talk."

"About you?" He asks and she makes a face.

"It's stupid. But it doesn't bother me." She insists.

"Obviously it does or you wouldn't be sitting here getting pissy." Jax states and Tara groans loudly, putting her head on her arms.

"Donna said I should fight them." She pokes her head up and looks at him balefully. Jax snorts with laughter. "She said that's what your mother would do. That's why people are so scared of her."

"Well, Donna is not wrong." Jax says with amusement. "But Tara, you know that I love you right?"

"Of course." She puts her hand on his and smiles. "I know that Jax. I'm sorry. School's tough. I miss you."

"Aw, I miss you too." He stands and kisses her head. "But working is so much more fun than school."

"I'm sure." Tara mutters then puts her papers in a folder. "Donna and Opie want to go to the diner tonight, do you want to go?"

"Are you actually going to order your own milkshake tonight or are you going to say you don't want one and then drink all of mine?"

* * *

"Hey guys." Tara says, sitting down in the same booth as Donna and Opie. Donna looks up from her fries, smiling.

"Hi you. You're smiling again." She compliments and Tara shrugs, stealing a fry and dipping it in ketchup.

"Why weren't you smiling?" Opie asks, looking between the two girls.

"Tara had a rough day at school." Donna explains. "Did you know that teenage girls are mean?"

"No, never." Opie says dryly and the girls make faces at him.

"But it's better now." She tells him and the waitress stops by, grinning and grabbing the pen tucked behind her ear.

"Hey Jax, how's your mom doing?" She asks and Jax glances up with a charming smile.

"She's great Vicki, thanks. How's little Frankie?" He asks and she smiles.

"Oh, he's good. Terrible twos, all that. He's good though. You want a milkshake honey?" She glances at Tara.

"Yes please."

"Ok, I'll grab that. Your normal burger for you Jax?"

"That would be great Vicki." He says, all smiles and blue eyes. She walks away with a smile and when Jax turns back to the group, Tara is looking at him, amused. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Do you even realize when you do that?" She asks him curiously.

"Do what?" Jax reaches for the fries and Opie swats his hand away, glaring. Jax frowns.

"You flirt and schmooze every female you meet." Tara points out and he makes a face, stealing a fry anyways.

"I do not." He insists.

"No, I vouch, you totally do." Donna declares and Opie nods in agreement, moving the fries away from Jax.

"No I don't." He protests.

"It's involuntary." Tara decides. "I don't think you even mean to do it, you're just like a natural flirt."

"Natural charmer." Donna echoes.

"Does it make you mad?" Jax asks Tara, who grins and tweaks his nose.

"No, never, cause usually you're flirting with me." She grins at him and a second later, Vicki arrives with the milkshake and Tara protests as Jax tries to drink some of it.

"I'm sorry things aren't great at school." Donna says quietly as they wait for the boys to pay the bills. "But I seriously mean what I said, I think that you're tough as hell and if you showed people that, they'd back down."

"I am not that tough." Tara protests and Donna looks at her incredulously.

"Seriously Tara?"

"I'm not." Tara averts her eyes and Donna grabs her chin, making her look into her eyes.

"Tara Knowles, you are one of the toughest girls I know. You deal with your dad, you deal with Jax, holy shit you even deal with Gemma and you don't ever back down. If that's not tough, I don't know what is." Donna says sternly and Tara hesitates, biting her lip.

"I just, I don't know why I have to fight people for this stuff. I just want to live my life and love Jax." She complains.

"People suck." Donna says wisely and then Jax and Opie come, grinning at them, throwing their arms around them.

* * *

The next day at school, Tara squares her shoulders and walks through the front doors, into the rumors and snickers.

"God, look at her."

"She's so ugly."

"She doesn't wear makeup, does she think that makes her special?"

"She must give some great blowjobs."

"Why else would he be with her?"

"Man, I'd love to get between those legs."

"What a plain Jane."

"What an ugly slut."

"Excuse me?" Tara, to her limit, turns and rounds on the girl who spoke. It's a leggy blonde, smirking at Tara. "What did you call me?"

"Ugly. Slut." She spells out and for a brief, blinding moment, Tara sees herself walking away, leaving it all behind. But then she sees Gemma at the club, standing amidst the women, proud. No one calls Gemma Teller an ugly slut. So Tara winds up and throws a right hook before she can even process that she's doing it.

* * *

She sits in detention, doodling on a piece of paper, waiting for the bell to finally ring. The time seems to be going slower than usual in this classroom and she's already finished all her homework. She checks the time and groans, seeing that there's still 15 minutes. She puts her head down on her arms.

"Well, well, well. Look at this little delinquent." Donna teases, when the bell rings and Tara walks outside.

"Very funny." Tara scowls.

"I hear that Mimmi Foster has a pretty great black eye." Donna informs her and Tara can't help her smirk of satisfaction.

"Tara." Jax gets off his bike, waiting for her. "Were you in detention? What the hell for?"

"She punched Mimmi Foster in the face." Donna says gleefully.

"You did?" Jax demands, at the same time Opie chuckles and says,

"Well shit."

"She called me an ugly slut." Tara says defensively.

"Well, shit, then I'm glad you didn't try to kill her." Jax pulls her into a hug and laughs. As he lets go and hands her a helmet, talking about something that happened in the shop, Tara notices the group of girls walking by are eyeing her. The second she catches their gaze, they look at the ground and hurry away. She buckles the helmet, wondering if this is what Gemma feels like.

 **AN:** Ok, I'm trying a little different style, instead of one long scene, breaking it up and being more dialogue focused. (none of you probably care, just an explanation.) Also, I will be doing Tara's junior year in the month by month format, then for her senior year going back to normal as we go through the last year of Jax and Tara being together. I hope you all have a lovely whatever you celebrate holiday- reviews are great gifts!


	40. Scorpio

_October 28th, 1995_

Tara doesn't want to do it. She shifts from foot to foot, nerves making her stomach flutter. She doesn't want to do it, but she knows she must, so she stares at the phone with a mixture of fear and hatred, knowing what it is she will do. She picks it up once, then slams it down a moment later. She paces her kitchen a couple times, fiddling with the buns on the counter before gathering her courage and picking it up for the second time. She manages to dial the first three numbers before she hangs up again. She goes into the bathroom, splashes water on her face, reminds herself that she is strong and brave, then picks the phone up, dials the number she has memorized, and waits as it rings.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end is sleepy and just a little annoyed, but it is a male and that means she's already cleared the first obstacle.

"Hi-Opie-it's-Tara-I-need-your-help." It all comes out in a whoosh of breath and she flinches, thinking there's no way he's understood her.

"Tara? Are you ok, is everything alright?" He's more alert now, concerned. "Is Jax ok, is he with you, is everything ok?"

"Jax isn't with me, I'm fine." Tara slumps down on the couch. Her nerves have left now, only the dull ache of constant anxiety making her stomach twist.

"Ok." Opie is slow, unsure. "Do you need Donna then, she's asleep but I can wake her up."

"No, no let her sleep." Tara had toyed with the idea of telling Donna all day, but it seemed useless. Opie is the only person on the planet that can prepare her for what she'll face tomorrow. "I need your advice."

"My advice." Opie chuckles at this. "Are you really sure you don't want me to go wake up Donna?"

"No." Tara's mouth twists a little grimly. "No, this needs to come from you."

"Alright then." There's some rustling on the other end but it quiets after a moment, which Tara assumes is her cue to start talking.

"It's Gemma's birthday tomorrow." When she pauses, Opie grunts, likely to show her that he's still listening. "Jax invited me over for a birthday supper. I agreed, because I assumed the whole club would be there. I didn't think that it would be just a couple people. I bet Jax has probably told you but Gemma and I's last meeting didn't exactly go… Well." He snorts in amusement at that.

"Yeah." He agrees and Tara's not sure if she should be proud or ashamed.

"But that was months ago and she's probably over it by now… Right?" She asks hopefully.

"Probably not." Opie deadpans and Tara groans. "Tara, Gemma is… Different."

"You mean crazy." She corrects, a hint of venom in her voice.

"Sure." Opie agrees easily. "But she's Jax's mom."

"I know." Tara kicks her feet in frustration, feeling very much like a child. "I know she is, but that doesn't mean she's always right!"

"Sure." He doesn't comment on her temper tantrum. "But he loves her. And he loves you."

"She doesn't love me." Tara knows she's sounding like a spiteful brat, but she can't help it. Gemma infuriates her, past reason. "Jax knows that, so I don't understand why he'd invite me to this stupid dinner."

"He wants her to?" Opie suggests mildly.

"That is never going to work." Tara says crankily. "Never ever. I don't know what I did to make her hate me so much, but if I'm going to spend a whole evening with her, on her birthday, I'm going to be nice and polite for Jax. So Opie Winston, tell me how to deal with Gemma."

"That's the advice you want." He says dryly. "Gemma advice."

"Well, Shea's advice was to stand up to her and look at how well that turned out." Tara's mouth twitches into a wry smile. "Yours can't be any worse."

"Tara, she's just Jax's mom." Opie sounds tired now and she wonders if Donna has woken up yet, wondering why Opie's left her alone in bed. "Not the Queen or a scary bitch. She's Jax's mom and she loves her kid a lot and no one is good enough for her little boy. That's all, ok? Nothing else."

"Well that's ridiculous." Tara snaps. "Jax isn't a kid anymore, he's-"

"Her kid." Opie cuts her off. "And Gemma isn't rational, not about Jax. Just show her you love him. She can't hate that."

"Op, wait!" She tries but he's hung up without an ounce of remorse so she knows better than to try and call back. Instead she huffs to her room, grumbling. She crawls into bed, resigning herself to the fact that tomorrow, she'll have round two in the ring with Gemma.

* * *

She brings a plateful of her mother's homemade chocolate chip cookies, because she knows at least Jax will like them, even if no one else does. Jax beams when he picks her up and she has to swat away his attempts to grab a cookie. She's tried to dress nicely for the occasion, but she hadn't know what would impress Gemma more, a turtleneck sweater or a lace corset.

"And then, and it was so funny Tara, he just gets up, dusts himself off, and walks away." Jax bursts into laughter again, shaking his head. "Funniest thing I've ever seen."

"Hilarious." She echoes, gazing out the window. Jax sighs heavily and reaches over, taking her hand.

"Alright, what is it?" He asks her and she sighs.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. Now hurry up and tell me, cause I like when you smile and laugh at my jokes." He smiles at her sweetly and she smiles back, unable to help herself.

"I'm just a little nervous. Your mom isn't exactly my biggest fan, so you know how I feel about that." She reminds him and he shrugs.

"So? She's my mom Tara. Your dad hates me, that doesn't bother me in the slightest."

"My dad is a drunken idiot who couldn't string together 24 coherent hours if he tried." Tara unclenches her fist gingerly, her nails living stinging marks on her palms. "I hate him too and so does everyone else in Charming. If it did bother you, something would be wrong."

"Good point." Jax is grinning easily, the kind of grin that makes it seem like he's never seen a moment of pain in his life. The kind of smile that warms Tara all the way down to her toes.

"I just want things to go well tonight." She blurts out, when Jax parks in the driveway. He and Clay's bikes are off to one side, but no other bikes or cars are parked on the street, and Tara knows it will only be the four of them tonight.

"They will." Jax is supremely confident in this, smiling. "It's her birthday and you brought cookies, who could be mad about that?"

"Your mother." Tara huffs but it's under her breath. She plasters a smile on her face and follows Jax inside, holding the cookies like a shield.

"Hey, Tara." Clay is sitting at the counter while Gemma bends in front of the oven, pulling out a meatloaf.

"Hello." She uses her most pleasant voice, smiling at him then turning to Gemma. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." Gemma sets the meatloaf on the table beside of bowl of green beans and mashed potatoes.

"I brought cookies." Tara says, just a little unsurely.

"They're her mom's old recipe. Amazing." Jax adds and Gemma gestures for her to put them on the counter.

"Well, I'm excited for dessert then." Clay grins at her, but Tara doesn't feel any warmth from it.

"Me too." Jax pulls out a chair for Tara at the table. "C'mon, let's eat. I'm starving."

"Of course you are, you'll eat me out of house and home if I'm not careful." Gemma complains, giving him a large chunk of meatloaf.

"Will not." Jax responds playfully.

"You should see how much he eats when we go to the diner." Tara tries to joke, but Clay simply raises an eyebrow and Gemma slaps down a scoop of potatoes on her plate just a little more forcefully than necessary.

"As I recall, you wind up eating half my fries anyways." Jax teases easily and she smiles at him, relieved that he's seeing how she's trying.

"Was it a good birthday mom?" Jax asks, once they are all eating. Gemma smiles at him and Tara observes that when she smiles, she sees a bit of Jax in her.

"You know, despite the fact that I think you all try to burn down the clubhouse when I'm not there, I had a good day." She announces.

"What did you do?" Tara enquires and Gemma takes a bite of her green beans, making Tara wait for a response.

"Went shopping. Got some new things. Stopped by the club. Had cake." She says shortly and Tara clenches her teeth for just a breath before pulling that calm mask back on.

"That sounds fun." Tara comments and when Gemma makes a noncommittal noise in her throat, shoots Jax a look. He's cutting up his meatloaf without a care in the world, more focused on his food than Gemma and Tara. She decides then with a sniff that if Jax doesn't care, she's not going to bother either.

She falls quiet, deciding to watch rather than try to keep talking and have Gemma shoot her down at every turn. No one at the table, not even Jax, seems to notice she's hushed, so she eats and observes. She'd once been told that she could see more with her mouth shut and she is inclined to agree.

She sees how Gemma looks at Jax. It's the only time the lines around her eyes soften and her mouth parts in an easy smile. It's the only time Tara ever sees something like warmth in Gemma's dark eyes. Tara has known, for over a year now, that Gemma loves her only child fiercely. But she feels like she's just now seeing it.

She sees how Clay looks at Gemma, with something she could only describe as lust. He looks at her like he wants her, when no one is looking. Tara is though, meek quiet Tara, and she sees how Clay's hand with cover Gemma's for a brief moment or how he'll touch her elbow. She wonders idly how long they've been sleeping together, and if Jax knows.

From the way Jax laughs and shrugs, she's willing to bet he doesn't. He still looks at Clay with a tiny bit of boyish admiration. He'd always described his as an uncle, told her stories about him being there the day they buried Tommy, about how he'd been the one to teach Jax how to stand tall and be a man. She's not sure if he's ready for Clay to slip into a father role, not when it's only been nearly two years since John's death.

Jax himself just looks happy, for once. He is eating and talking with his mouth full, laughing as he tells some story and teases his mother. That, at least, cheers her up. She feels like she doesn't see happy Jax very often, least of all not when it's this close to an anniversary of a death. So she takes it for what it's worth and tries to enjoy his good mood.

"Alright, now it's time for cookies." He declares, as Gemma gathers the dirty dishes and scrapes food off before placing them in the sink.

"Your mother's, right?" Clay asks, as he takes one and that rouses Tara from her thoughts.

"Her recipe." She corrects. "I can never quite make them as perfectly as she did but Jax never seems to mind."

"Still the best cookies in Charming." Jax kisses her head and takes two, happily shoving one into his mouth. Gemma takes on, inspecting it like cockroaches might appear, then takes a tiny nibble.

"You do them very well." She says and it almost sounds like a compliment, so Tara stares at her in awe. "Your mother always did have a talent for baked goods, if I'm to remember from all the bake sales and charity auctions."

"I didn't know you knew my mother well." Tara says, flabbergasted and it's only a half lie, because Tara remembers Gemma attended her mother's funeral. She doesn't want to explain to Gemma however that she remembers Jax and Tommy too.

"I know everyone is Charming." The way Gemma says it, with just the smallest amount of smugness and pride, makes Tara's stomach turn. "Your mother was a good woman. It's a shame, her illness."

"Losing her was hard." Tara agrees warily. Jax is looking between the two of them, torn between the fact that they're talking instead of shouting and the topic they're on. He knows how Tara feels about talking about her mother, but if she's talking to Gemma, so how bad can it be.

"On you and your father, I imagine." Gemma's tone is faux-sweet and so Tara bites her tongue and tries to smile through it.

"We've made it work."

"That you have. Brave girl, raising yourself." Gemma says it like it's admiration, but Tara knows better. She's knows there's judgment or ridicule in there, somewhere.

"Thank you." She says instead, quietly.

"The cookies are amazing though." Clay steers the conversation back into neutral territory, but Gemma and Tara don't look away from each other, locked in an unspoken battle. Tara will show Gemma that she does not back down. Gemma, in return, is sizing her up, appraising her. Tara rolls her shoulders back, juts her chin out just slightly, and takes Jax's hand in her own.

"Are we going to go home after this?" She mummers to him, just loudly enough for Gemma to hear.

"Sure." Jax doesn't seem to notice that Tara is watching his mother's reaction, not his.

"Good." She kisses his cheek, just a little to close to his ear and he looks at her in appreciation and with a hint of desire. Tara smiles when she sees Gemma's lip curl and so she gets up, grabbing a cookie for herself.

"I'm glad you had a good birthday mom." Jax kisses her cheek as Tara grabs the plate, now with only crumbs left.

"Are you coming home?" Gemma asks, frowning slightly.

"Uh," Jax jumps when Tara's hand slips up his shirt and gently rakes her nails down his back. It's only been a couple months since they'd started to have sex, but Tara is learning, quickly, about what turns him on. "Probably not."

"Jax." Gemma looks a little angry, pursing her lips. "It's a school night for her." The way she says it lets Tara know exactly how Gemma feels about her still being in high school.

"See you tomorrow mom." Jax calls, pulling Tara out the door.

"Happy birthday Mrs. Teller." Tara calls, as the door shuts on Gemma's sour face. She can't help the giggles as Jax pushes her up against the side of the house, eagerly kissing her, hands roving to under her shirt.

"We're going home. Now." He states and she shrugs, biting his lower lip until he moans.

"Fine by me boyfriend." She whispers.

* * *

"And then?" Donna demands, hanging on her every word. Tara shrugs, carefully sorting pictures of Friday night football games into yes, no, and maybe piles.

"And then Jax and I had really good sex. I think knowing it would piss Gemma off makes me want it even more." She says with a perfectly straight face, mostly because Donna is the other person that can hear her.

"Geez." Donna sits back, abandoning writing captions to assume a thoughtful expression. "I wish I could've seen it."

"What, Jax and I have sex?" Tara teases and Donna makes a face, shoving her with one hand.

"No, you weirdo, I'm not a creep like that. I wish I would've been there to see you and Gemma fight like that."

"We weren't really fighting." Tara protests. "There wasn't any yelling this time and I didn't slam the door in her face. It was more… Passive aggressive fighting. Like seeing who Jax loved more. And since he took me home, I think it was me." Tara is proud of her victory over Gemma.

"You know, I can see that." She says thoughtfully and Tara turns, raising an eyebrow. "You know, she's a Scorpio."

"You seriously believe in that stuff?" Tara scoffs.

"Yes." Donna doesn't miss a beat. "Scorpios are tough and resilient and they crave power above everything else." Donna fishes a book out of her bag and flips to a page, reading aloud. "Reputed to be the "most powerful" sign of the zodiac, Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. They too often have difficulty finding what they need to develop their own happiness. Passion, desire and power go hand in hand for Scorpios. Their biggest challenge and test in life is choosing between the power of love and the love of power."

"Well that does sound like Gemma." Tara says wryly.

"Shush, there's more." Donna reads on. "They are different from all other zodiac signs and this difference has them walking, working and loving to a different beat. Others can often live with a Scorpio partner for years, but not really know them. Much to do with a Scorpio remains ever secret. Their eyes often blaze with feelings that words never express, and beware on the days or nights they hide their feelings behind dark glasses, there is likely to be a storm of some kind brewing. When you deal with a Scorpio you have to always deal with them on a psychic intuitive level. They often wear a mask. Too often they say "no" when they really mean "yes". They have contrary natures. Once they find true love they can be the most faithful dedicated of all partners but fall out badly with a Scorpio and you are likely to find they will never forget or forgive."

"Does this mean I'm done forever?" Tara mutters, trying to sound like she doesn't, for a moment, believe Donna. "This is all nonsense, Donna."

"Tell me that doesn't sound like Gemma." Donna challenges and Tara sighs.

"What's it say about me then?" She asks and Donna eagerly flips a couple pages forward.

"You're a Cancer. Those born under the sign of Cancer, ruled by the mysterious Moon, are one of the zodiac's enigmas. It is fair to say that most Cancers are a bundle of contradictions. Compassionate and caring with friends, family and lovers, yet they can cut to the bone with their jealous remarks and ever-changing moods. Endearingly eccentric on one hand, and on the other, insecure about how others see them. Like their astrological symbol - the Crab - Cancers can appear hard and insensitive on the outside. However, for those of us who know and love a "Moon Child", we understand that deep below lies a softness and sensitivity that makes them so very special. Nurturing, protection and caring for others underline the life principles of this water sign. Just as the Moon goes through many changes as it moves from its new to full phases, Cancers too go through many new and full phases of experience. Life doesn't stand still for this sign, even if they remain in one place, because they live so much in their internal oceans of emotions. Their link with the Moon often makes it impossible for them to operate on an even keel from day to day. Up and down like the proverbial yo-yo, most Cancerians feel one way one minute, then sometimes totally different the next. But this characteristic is part of their charm."

"See, that's nothing like me!" Tara insists and Donna looks at her incredulously, then rolls her eyes and flips to the back of the small book.

"Look, see, it says right here how compatible a Cancer and Scorpio are." She declares and Tara, grumbling, listens. "It says that you're both passionate, so the sex will be…" Tara raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, the sex between me and Gemma will be great? Perfect, I'll let Jax know."

"Ok, so the book was designed for people that fall in love." Donna smacks her with it. "But it has a point. You and Gemma are both stubborn. That's why you butt heads."

"Ok Donna." Tara goes back to her pictures and Donna rolls her eyes.

"Typical Cancer."

 **AN:** Don't know Gemma's canon birthday but if she's not a Scorpio, no one is. Happy New Year! I hope you all have wonderful 2017 and if the first thing you want to do in it is leave me a review, well I won't say no.


	41. Modesto

_November 11, 1995_

"It's going to be fun." Jax promises her.

"No, it won't." Tara says flatly, flipping the chicken quesadilla she's making. "Fun is reading a book in the bathtub or having a pool party or going to Disneyland. Fun is not some dive bar filled with drunken idiots. Besides, Donna and Opie won't be there, so who's going to talk to me when you go off and be the social biker butterfly you are?"

"Biker butterfly." Jax momentarily lets himself get distracted by this mental image. "Tara, I promise to be right by your side all night. I won't ever leave."

"Until there's a fight or someone says something you take offense to or there's shots to be taken or you wanna play someone in darts. Then I just sit on the sidelines like a good little girl." She struggles to keep the anger out of her voice.

"You sit on the sidelines like my gorgeous, sexy, amazing girlfriend who shines like a beacon of light in a crowded, dirty dive bar filled with drunken idiots looking at me and thinking I'm the luckiest man alive for getting to go home with a girl like you." Jax says smoothly and Tara snorts, sliding the quesadilla onto a plate and handing it to Jax.

"I hate it, you know." She tells him, going to make another.

"What would you like to do?" He asks her, dumping half the jar of salsa onto it.

"Order pizza. Watching a movie. Curl up on the couch and talk about our feelings." She grumbles while Jax makes a face.

"Well, then we'd both be stuck doing something we don't wanna do." He informs her and she sighs, adjusting the heat on the stove.

"Well then maybe we should go do something we both like." She suggests and they both fall silent, thinking.

"We could go look at new bikes."

"We could read medical textbooks."

"We could go to the clubhouse."

"We could finish homework."

"We could go for a ride." Jax breaks their game with an honest suggestion.

"Where to?" Tara flips her quesadilla.

"Let's go south." He suggests. "We also go north. Let's head south, to like Modesto."

"What's in Modesto?" Tara asks carefully. Jax shrugs.

"If you hurry up and eat that quesadilla, we will be in like an hour."

"An adventure sounds better than a bar." She admits, and slides the quesadilla onto her plate. "Let me eat and we'll go."

* * *

They drive down the highway, Tara holding tight to Jax. It is still strange to her that she's grown so comfortable on his bike, knowing when to lean into the curve and how to balance herself so she doesn't feel like she'll tip off. It's gotten to the point where it feels strange to ride in a car- she's beginning to understand why Jax calls them cages. They take the exit for Modesto, Tara looking around in interest. Jax leads them to a pretty, open park, overlooking a river.

"How about here?" He offers and she grins, nodding.

"This will do." They meander down trails, entangling their fingers and admiring the view. It's pretty, with the river winding and the path following it. At one point, it slopes into a pretty, hilly view and Tara stops to appreciate it.

"You know," Jax says, breaking their comfortable silence. "Whenever I see views like this, I always think of you."

"Why's that?" Tara rests her head on his shoulder, smiling faintly.

"Because you know the feeling you get when you're looking over something like this, how your heart kind of races and you feel like you could fly and soar and nothing can bring you back down?" He asks.

"Yes." She says quietly, thinking that Jax always manages to put into words exactly what she's feeling.

"That's the feeling I get when I kiss you."

After she's kissed him throughly, enough to make both of them a little breathless, they resume their walking, hand in hand. They smile at the people walking by and Tara realizes how refreshing it is to walk past people and not feel like they're staring at the prince Jax Teller. They're not scared or scorning or admiring- they simply see two teenagers in love.

"Oh, let's stop here." Tara tugs Jax to a stop, looking out over a part of the river that trickles over rocks, the water sparkling. She holds onto Jax as she peels off her socks and rolls up her pant legs.

"What in the world are you doing?" He asks in amusement.

"Do you remember what we did the day after my birthday?" She asks him, once her pants have been rolled to the knee.

"We went for a ride and had a picnic. As I recalled, it was all part of Donna's master plan to make us fall in love." He says wryly.

"It worked." Tara laughs at this before stepping into the water. "Oh! Cold!"

"Get out, silly girl." Jax says, grinning. Tara looks over her shoulder with a grin and ventures deeper into the water, picking her way to the middle using stepping stones.

"That was the first time we talked, really talked." Tara calls. "I told you what I was scared of."

"Failure." Jax recalls, watching her carefully. "About never leaving Charming."

"I don't think I'm as scared of that as before." She admits.

"Really?" He tilts his head. "Why's that?"

"Because I have you." She smiles brightly at him as she finds the tallest rock she can climb on.

"Do you know what I remember about that day?" He asks her, smiling.

"What?"

"You yelled at me."

"I did?" Tara pauses, thinking. "Didn't I say something about you not respecting women?"

"And then you called me a spoiled baby." He says fondly. "I knew right then and there Tara Knowles, you were the girl for me."

"Liar." Tara is grinning, recalling that day. They'd been in similar positions, Tara playing in the water and Jax sitting on the bank, watching.

"No, very true." He reassures her. "You were the first girl to ever have zero interest in me. And then when you had interest, it was in me. Not in my club or my bike or my last name, it was in Jax Teller. You have always taken my breath away and challenged me, you know that."

"I think I fell in love with you, at least a little bit, when I read that essay." She reveals. "You have such a way with words Jax, you can move me, make me laugh, make me cry, make my heart break… It's a gift."

"I get it from my dad." He admits and for a long moment, Tara is quiet. "He wrote. It was a funny kind of picture, the big tough biker guy, scribbling in a notebook. He would always tell the greatest stories, the kind that would have you thinking about them weeks afterwards, wondering about it. I asked him once, if he would've been a writer instead of a biker, and he told me the reason he could write was because he was a biker. You can only write about what you know and what you've experienced. Anything else would be a lie."

"That's why you write about grief and anger and destiny and demands and obligations and freedom and anarchy." Tara says quietly.

"That's my life, that's what I know." Jax muses. "I'll never write about stability or boredom or peace probably. I'd just be lying."

"Can you write about love?" Tara asks, biting her lip.

"I could write pages and pages about love." Jax tells her and she splashes back through to river to tackle him, kissing him. They lay side by side, waiting for Tara's toes to dry.

"So what else do you get from your dad?" She asks him, gently running her thumb over his. He is quiet, contemplative.

"I dunno. My laugh, I suppose. Mom always said I sound like him when I laugh. I'm stubborn, but I think I got that from both my parents. I like to read, Piney told me once that JT would take books rather than food in his pack in Vietnam." That makes the corners of Jax's mouth twitch up. "I have his temper I guess. Mom says I have his wildness too, the way I hate being caged up. I wish… I wish he would've been around, now that I'm old. I'd see really what I get from him."

"I'm sure you'll see more as you get older." Tara mummers, kissing their knuckles.

"What do you get from your mom?" Jax asks her, to change the subject. Tara pauses for a long moment, surprised, and thoughtful.

"I don't know, I guess I've never really asked my dad. She loved the spring though, and I do too. She loved being in the water- she'd always try to balance on top of rocks. I guess I get that from her." She watches the river with a smile. "She loved being outside. We went camping once, when I was a little girl. My favorite picture is me, sitting on a beach. She's behind me and she's just got the prettiest smile."

"Your smile." Jax mutters. "Beautiful."

"I hope I have her heart." Tara says wistfully. "She was always giving. She was always baking something for a bake sale or running a charity event or raising money for something. She just wanted people to be happy, taken care of. When I was little, we'd adopt families for Christmas. I think those kids got more presents than I did. She just had this huge heart and I… Don't."

"You do too." Jax insists, looking at her. "You have the biggest heart. You're always taking care of people. You make sure I have all my shit together and that's a full time job in and of itself. Then you care about Opie and when his dad is being an ass, plus you are always there for Donna when things happen with her mom or her and Op. You're the rock everyone needs, and you have so much on your own plate with school and your dad and all the bullshit. I don't know how you do it." He says in frank admiration.

"That's different through." Tara sighs deeply. "My mom, she did it for everyone. I do it because I love you guys. But I couldn't do that for just anyone. My heart is… Closed. Protected. I'm scared to let people in, you know this. I think everyone is going to hurt me or take advantage of me."

"I wouldn't let them." Jax promises, scooping her up in his arms. "Never ever. No one will hurt you while I'm around, you know that."

"I know that." She smiles into his shoulder. "That's why my fears have changed."

"What are you scared of?" Jax demands, looking ready to get on his bike and go fight.

"Losing you." She whispers and he kisses her head.

"You will never lose me, Tara Grace Knowles. I will love you until the end of time."

Once Tara's dry again, they finish the looping trail, discussing the latest news from school- who will drop out, who will be pregnant before the year ends, who will get arrested. Jax takes her to a cute little sandwich shop that's attached to an ice cream parlor. They eat and laugh, enjoying the fact that here, no one interrupts them or throws them dirty looks. They can share a milkshake and be kids.

"This was great." Tara says, as they wander down the main street with their ice cream, taking in the stores and the people. "So much better than some cramped bar."

"If we leave now, we'll be home in time for it." He says hopefully.

"Oh, look, a movie theater. Let's go." Tara drags him inside and he laughs, going with. "I want to see Fair Game."

"I looks like a chick flick." Jax says cautiously, looking at the poster.

"No, they blow things up." Tara reassures him. "And look, it's showing in 15 minutes. C'mon, I want popcorn."

"Of course you do." Jax shakes his head. "Alright, let's go then, finish your ice cream, I'll take two tickets to Fair Game…"

* * *

When they walk out, the sky is dark, but Jax hardly notices. He's too busy detailing the movie back to Tara, rehashing the fight scenes and explosions. Tara walks alongside him, listening in amusement.

"Well I thought it was awful." She says finally and he turns to stare at her in amazement.

"I thought you'd like them falling in love at the end." He rolls his eyes.

"She was a terrible actor!" Tara protests. "The whole premise was ridiculous, there was hardly a plot, and they had zero chemistry. We'd have had a better time watching paint dry."

"Paint drying doesn't include explosions." Jax reminds her.

"And neither does the real world, which clearly this film was not based on." Tara enjoys needling Jax and she laughs when he launches into a rant about all the times explosions are warranted. He's still listing them off when they get on his bike.

"And cars blow up in real life, Tara!"

"I'm sure they do." She says soothingly, kissing his cheek before buckling her helmet. "Now take me home Jax Teller. And if you drive past all the dive bars and the clubhouse, I'll even do that thing you like."

"That thing with whipped cream?" He asks hopefully.

"You'll see." She says teasingly and he revs the engine before heading north. She can't help but have a smug grin as he drives past the bars and to her house. He's got his hands on her before they've even made it to the front door and Tara knows because her father's car is gone that they'll be alone, so she lets Jax get his hands under her shirt while she tries to unlock the front door and kiss his neck.

"Let me do it." He says, breathy with laughter as she fumbles with the keys. She hands them off then works at his belt while he unlocks the door. They fall through and Tara yanks her shirt off while Jax kicks off his pants. They don't make it to her bed- instead, he pushes her down on the floor of the living room and greedily pulls off her remaining clothes.

Afterwards, after they've had a long soak in the tub and a round two, she gets ready for bed, watching as Jax sprawls out in bed, snoring before his head hits the pillow. She smiles slightly and pulls out a little purple notebook, flipping through the pages.

 _'That kiss on our cliff.'_

 _'Sunsets in the meadow.'_

 _'Sleepy indignation when I tell him Rambo isn't that good when he's napping.'_

 _'He orders mushrooms on pizza, just cause I like them.'_

 _'Mini M &Ms in malts.'_

 _'Metallica being our summer album.'_

 _'Him sitting on his biking, smoking, waiting for me to get done with class.'_

 _'Rainy days mean cuddles and Chinese food.'_

On the first blank page, she writes her newest favorite memory of Jax.

 _'The way he looks at me like I'm his whole world.'_

With that, she tucks the notebook back in the drawer and slips into bed, nuzzling her way under Jax's arm. She inhales deeply and shuts her eyes, smiling as she drifts off to sleep with the rhythm of Jax's steady breathing.

 **AN:** Ok, so this was total pandering to my audience but you guys just say the gosh darned nicest things. I've been writing since I was a little tween dreaming about Will Turner falling in love with me on the Black Pearl. (Forever a nerd.) So to know that I am actually pretty good at this is really heartwarming. Y'all are the best, so here's some Jax and Tara fluff! Back to our regularly scheduled disfunction soon, I promise, but I will be taking a break next week like I always do when I end a season in Charming Little Moments. Reviews will tide me over in the meantime!


	42. Twinkling Lights

_December 22nd, 1995_

"Tara!" Jax bursts into her house, shouting. With a groan, she pulls her covers a little higher over her head. It is the first day of Christmas vacation and she has no idea why in the hell Jax would be waking her up so early. "Tara!"

"What?" She grumbles, trying to pull the covers just a little higher. She can see through the sheets that he's flicked the lights on.

"Tara, I need to talk to you right now."

"What time is it?" She asks, peaking her head out just enough.

"6:13." Jax tells her and she moans.

"Jax, why in the hell are you waking me up this early? I don't have school, I don't have homework, I don't have anything. Let me sleep."

"Tara." The tone in his voice cuts off her whining and so she pokes her head out, looking at him nervously. He's wild eyed, hair messy in a way that means he rode without a helmet on, and dressed in an old shirt that's ripped in several places. He looks like he's seen a ghost.

"What's wrong?" She pulls him down gently onto her bed, smoothing back his hair. He looks at her, opening and closing his mouth several times before getting the words to come out.

"I, uh, was at Op's last night."

"At the cabin." Tara corrects. He'd proclaimed it as a boys night and had kissed her cheek with a grin before leaving. She'd rolled her eyes and treated herself to a quiet night with a bath and a book.

"Yeah. And I came home early cause I felt like piss-"

"Because you were hungover."

"Because I wanted a shower. Anyways, I walked in and I saw my mom…" He pales and for a moment Tara, even in her dislike of Gemma, fears that something has happened to her.

"Is she ok?" She asks with concern.

"She was fucking Clay in the kitchen." He whispers in horror and Tara's mouth forms a tiny, perfect 'o'.

"Jax." She finally manages to splutter. "Oh my god, what?"

"Right there. On the counter." He sounds horrified, but unable to keep the words in. "Naked. In the kitchen, and she was-"

"Ok, ok, enough." Tara holds up a hand to stop him. "That's fine, I do not need the mental image of your mother in my head. Jax, you should've called and told her you were coming home so you didn't walk in on anything."

"Walk in on what?" Jax is anguished, burying his face in her pillows. "Tara, I walked in on my uncle FUCKING MY MOTHER." He yells.

"Well, you had to know you would, eventually." Tara says slowly, looking at him. He stares back in bewilderment. "Jax, you knew that they were sleeping together, right?"

"What?" That at least snaps him out of his misery, sitting up and tilting his head in confusion. "Are you saying that you knew they are… you know?"

"Yes." Tara pats his cheek, trying to remind herself how oblivious Jax can be. "I've known for a while, I thought you did too. Jax, you knew they were dating, you had to know they'd be, well, intimate."

"Why would I know that?" He demands. "How long have you known?"

"Since her birthday." Tara thinks back to the terse birthday dinner and all the little touches and looks Clay and Gemma had exchanged. "I thought you'd have noticed before then."

"Noticed what?" Jax is miserable again, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes like that that will erase what he's seen.

"Noticed how they are Jax." Tara takes his hands and sets them in her lap. "Sweetheart, I adore you, but you don't see something unless it smacks into you."

"Well, I saw plenty." He complains darkly and Tara's lips twitch as she tries to hide her smile. "How come you didn't tell me?"

"Tell you what, that your mother is sleeping with Clay? You'd never believe me firstly and secondly, you'd just have gotten pissed off." She explains.

"I'm not angry!" He yells and Tara simply raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to deflate. "Not that angry." He grumbles. "I just… That's my mom!"

"Your mother who is well over the age to decide on her sexual partners." Tara points out and Jax howls, putting a pillow over his head and diving into the blankets.

"Stop saying my mom and sex in the same sentence!"

"Fine, you big baby." Tara shimmies down next to him, kissing him behind the ear, then sucking, ever so gently. "If you've got me up, you might as well make it worth my while."

"Tara." Jax doesn't remove his head from the covers and sounds very, very pained. "Please stop trying to have sex with me when I just saw my mother naked."

"Fine." Tara huffs and rolls out of bed. "Then I'm going to make breakfast and take a shower. Let me know when you're done pouting."

She's showered and made breakfast for herself and Jax before he gets up. She finishes sliding scrambled eggs, with ham and chopped up peppers, just the way he likes it, onto his plate. He sits down heavily, robotically scooping mouthful after mouthful in, hardly pausing to swallow. Tara watches in amusement, waiting for him to break the silence.

"Today never happened." He declares, once he's finished with his eggs. Tara hands him a muffin. "If anyone asks, I came straight here from the cabin. You slept in, I woke you up with breakfast, and everything was completely normal."

"I made you breakfast." Tara reminds him. "But sure, if you want to repress the fact that you saw your mother banging Clay, by all means." He flinches and takes a large bite of the muffin.

"No one can know. No one, not ever." He says hoarsely and Tara shrugs.

"Ok honey."

* * *

"Hey, where'd you go this morning?" Opie asks Jax, as he and Donna walk in, carrying pizza.

"He walked in on his mom having sex with Clay." Tara says cheerfully, glancing up from where she's reading a book on the couch.

"Tara!" Jax cries, as Donna's jaw drops and Opie looks alarmed. "I said don't tell!"

"I'm sorry." She says, clearly not. "But I wanted to see their reaction."

"One of horror." Donna sits down on the floor with a vaguely stunned expression, unsure of what to do. Opie sets the pizza between all of them, absentmindedly reaching for a slice.

"Today is the worst day ever." Jax declares, eyes still closed and cringing.

"Well, you know what would make it better?" Donna suggests and Jax peeks at her. "We could go downtown tonight and see the Christmas Village."

"The what?" Opie asks, with a mouthful of supreme pizza. Donna sighs and picks an olive off his slice.

"It's a light show, downtown. It's made to look like Santa's village, you know, for kids."

"Then why are we going?" Jax asks, perking up some now that the conversation has moved away from his trauma.

"Because it's fun and in the Christmas spirit and it would get your mind off the Gemma Clay sex thing." Tara explains and he glares daggers at her while she grins.

"Fine, we go to the ridiculous light show." He agrees, taking his own slice of pizza. "But everyone shuts up about my mom."

* * *

"This will be fun." Donna says happily, as they both tug on sweaters. The sun outside has nearly set completely and the street lights are starting to turn on. Tara shrugs, winding a scarf around her neck.

"If the boys don't pout and whine the entire time." She reminds her and Donna waves her hand.

"They're too scared of me to make a fuss." She says firmly. "Obie's scared I'll take away sex and Jax is scared I could convince you to do the same."

"I don't think either of us would last." Tara says, grinning at her and Donna shrugs at her point.

"But we could threaten it and that's what counts."

"Ok, let's go." Opie yells at them and they pull on gloves, walking out with smiles.

"Lead the way." Jax opens the door for Donna and they get on the bikes, slightly chilly as they drive to downtown. The boys park between mini vans, little kids already running around, shouting. Tara grins, grabbing Jax's hands.

"This is going to be fun." She promises and he gives her a reluctant smile.

"Of course it will be." He pretends to be dejected, but she just laughs and pulls him towards the main attraction. It's a large house, made to look like a ginger house covered in candy. It includes small figurines of elves that Opie declares as creepy, and all the reindeer. The girls walk through in glee, exclaiming over the ornate lights and intricate details on the house. Outside, people are singing Christmas carols and handing out chocolate covered candy canes.

"Oh, these are my favorites!" Donna exclaims, taking one and smiling. "We had them all the time when I was a kid but…" She trails off and pops it into her mouth.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" Jax asks Tara and she nods, slipping her arm so it's looped with his. "She'll take extra whipped cream." He tells the man preparing them, who grins at Tara.

"I like this." She whispers, looking up at him and he glances down at her. "I like when we get to be together and go do stuff like this. I like getting to show you off a little bit."

"I think I'm showing you off." Smiling, he hands her the cup before passing the man a couple bills.

"Either way." Eyes sparkling, Tara takes a sip.

"Is this all you girls wanted to see?" Opie asks, looking around, unimpressed.

"Yes." Donna frowns at him. "Get in the Christmas spirit, Harry Winston."

"You know what would really put me in the Christmas spirit?" He asks flatly. "Pasta and Home Alone."

"Well fine." Donna relents. "Let's go make pasta and watch Home Alone then."

"Sounds good to me." Jax says, grinning. The four of them are walking back to their bikes when Jax goes rigid. In front of them stand Gemma and Clay, Clay's arm around her waist as Gemma laughs.

"Why are you so mad about this, brother?" Opie asks Jax, who's clenching his fists as a nerve jumps in his jaw.

"He's fucking my mom." Jax repeats, as if if should be obvious.

"And has been for awhile, you're just too oblivious to see it." Tara reminds him.

"I'm not oblivious!"

"Honey, you wouldn't even notice if your mother had a gun to my head and a knife to my throat." Tara rolls her eyes.

"Yes I would." He insists, pouting.

"No you wouldn't." Opie is amused. "You've always been a complete idiot when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"Am not." With a grumble, Jax crosses the street so he doesn't have to acknowledge his mother. Laughing, the rest follow him. He's still crabby when they get home and so Donna lets him cut up the peppers. They sit on the floor and eat, putting the movie in and teasing each other. Tara sits with her back against Jax, smiling.

"You know what I love?" She says quietly to Donna, as the boys get up to polish off the remaining pasta.

"My cooking?" Donna suggests, taking a big bite.

"Besides that." Tara grins.

"Then what?"

"The fact that it's almost Christmas and we haven't seen our fathers in weeks." She says quietly and Donna snorts in disgust. "Jax's dad is dead and Opie's is constantly drunk. My mother is dead, yours is drunk, Opie's mom is AWOL, and Gemma is too busy banging Clay to even care about Jax. Between the four of us, we couldn't string together a good parent if we tried."

"And what about that could you possibly love?" Donna demands, bewildered.

"That we don't need them." Tara watches fondly as Jax fights Opie, yelling that he got more shrimp than him. "That we've made our own family, right here."

"You know what I love?" Donna leans her head on Tara's shoulder, sighing contentedly. "That one day we're going to be doing this exact thing, except we'll have kids of our own and we'll be four amazing parents."

"We'll never leave our kids." Tara agrees. Donna nods.

"One day Tara, we'll be our own family and our kids will grow up like siblings and it'll be perfect."

 **AN:** Merry Christmas fluff, because rewatching the 5th season is breaking me. We're almost out of the month by month, please stick with me, I'm excited for you all to see where this is going to go! Also, those reviews... I love um and I want more of um.


	43. New Years Resolutions

_January 1st, 1996_

"Happy new year." Tara whispers to Jax as the clock strikes 12 and the people around them burst into cheers.

"Happy new year, Tara Knowles." He whispers back before drawing her in to a long, passionate kiss. They ignore everyone hooting and hollering around them, lost in the kiss.

"How can this be a bad year when I start it like that?" Tara jokes, once Jax has let her go. He laughs, grabbing a bottle of vodka and sloppily pouring them two shots.

"To our year, Tara Grace." He declares. "You'll start your senior year and I'll start prospecting- it's going to be great."

"Great." She echoes and takes the shot, grimacing at the taste. Donna passes her lemonade for a chaser.

"You still suck at drinking." Donna comments and Tara passes back the lemonade.

"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"Just an observation." Donna watches as Jax and Opie organize a drinking game. The cabin is full of teenagers, drunk and celebrating the new year. Donna and Tara remain a little removed from the action, preferring to watch. "Happy senior year, by the way."

"Happy prospecting year." Tara mutters back.

"I knew that would bother you." Donna sighs. "Tara, you knew that when they dropped out they'd start hanging around and start prospecting."

"I know." Tara complains. "But it just seems so… Final."

"So's college after senior year." Donna says easily. "Oh look, Jenna Larson is doing a keg stand, if she throws up in the bathroom and doesn't clean it up again, I'll punch her fake tits in." With that, she hustles off, leaving Tara alone in the party.

She's use to it by now, after nearly a year and a half of dating Jax. It doesn't bother her much, not where there's really no one at the party she wants to talk to anyways. She'd been a loner before Jax and the only change is that now, people give her a wide berth in the hallways out of fear. She's not sure if it's fear of her or Jax, but it's fear nonetheless.

While she waits for Jax to wander back to her, she oversees the party. She sees the drunken kisses, the drunken fights, the sneaking and lying. It always makes for a fun Monday at school, when she can point out to Donna who's going to break up, who is going to slap her best friend for making out with her now ex-boyfriend, how the alliances in the lunchroom would be shifting.

"You're kinda scary." Donna had told her and Tara had tilted her head.

"How so?"

"You're like the most dangerous person in the school and no one even knows."

But she's doesn't feel particularly dangerous, even if she notices how Kyle is talking to Shelby, while his girlfriend is heaving in the sink. She feels plain. And tired. And alone. She wishes she was alone with Jax.

"Happy 1996." She mutters and hops off the counter to go find more Zimas.

"Really? What are you, still 13?" A teasing voice asks and Tara turns, a slow smile splitting her face.

"You wouldn't know, you haven't been around enough." She teases right back and Shea laughs loudly, pulling her into a hug.

"Sorry, got a little distracted on the East Coast." She glances over her shoulder at a pretty blonde who's listening to a boy talk to her, unimpressed. "Thought I should bring her home though."

"Serious, if you're bringing her to meet Jax." Tara says, as Shea sets to making three drinks.

"Ah, well, if she wants to hang around even after I've introduced her to my dad and everything else, it will be." Shea tries to mask her nerves with a joke, but Tara sees it.

"What will your dad think?" She asks carefully and Shea shrugs, pretending it's nothing.

"Dad things." She says evasively then gestures for the girl to come over. "Claire, this is my friend Tara. She's dating Jax, the guy I told you about."

"Then I am so sorry." Claire says, but with a grin, and Tara finds herself smiling back.

"It's a full-time job." She acknowledges.

"It helps when you drink." Shea hands them both solo cups and keeps one for herself. "So what's been happening at CHS Tara?"

"This." Tara gestures wildly to the chaos around them. "This, this, and more of this."

"Sounds awfully boring." Claire comments, sidestepping a beer spill.

"What we lack in quality amusement, we make up for in explosives, I promise you that." Tara says dryly, as Opie walks by with a box of sparklers.

"Opie!" Donna yells, following him out. Tara, Claire, and Shea fall in step, walking outside and watching as Opie arranges the fireworks, despite Donna fluttering around him, hands on her hips. After a few minutes, he pushes her back to the porch and she goes, fuming.

"Hello." Claire greets her, grinning, but Donna ignores her, turning to Tara.

"One day he is going to blow himself up and I will not feel an ounce of remorse." She declares.

"Will you really?" Tara asks and Donna nods resolutely. "Ok you big softie."

"Oh, hi Shea." Donna leans past Tara and wiggles her fingers.

"Hi Donna." Shea looks amused. "Claire, this is Opie's girlfriend, Donna. Donna, this is my girlfriend Claire."

"Nice to meet you." Donna says politely. "Now does anyone know where a fire extinguisher is?"

"He's your boyfriend." Tara says smugly.

"And he's yours!" Donna points to Jax, who's busy lining up smaller fireworks while Opie works on the bigger ones.

"Fine." Tara grumbles and the pair of them go back into the cabin to search for an extinguisher. They find an old one under the sink, deciding that it's good enough. When they finally get back outside, Shea is helping direct the boys.

"Should I be worried?" Claire asks, with faux lightness.

"If you're just now getting worried, it's too late." Tara advises her and they go quiet, watching as Jax pushes everyone back, as Shea tosses Opie a lighter. "Donna?"

"Ready." Donna cocks the nozzle. "If this ruins my new boots, I'll kill them both."

"Warranted." Tara says, then Opie lights the first firework and it shoots off, a spray of red. He lights the rest in order, all a little different, Donna at the ready should the sparks come down and land on the trees. Despite their wariness, the girls enjoy the show.

"Did you think we were going to burn the place down?" Opie asks, once he's done and came back up to them.

"Yes." Donna says flatly. He laughed and kisses her before turning to Shea and Claire.

"Hey Shea."

"Hi Op." She's got a bright smile that doesn't quite hide her nerves. "Claire, this is Opie. Opie, this is my girlfriend, Claire."

"Hello." Claire extends her hand with a warm smile. "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"All good?" Opie raises an eyebrow as he shakes her hand.

"Mostly." Claire's eyes sparkle and he chuckles.

"Who's this?" Jax has bounced over, looking around. Tara gently wipes away a streak of black on his check.

"Shea's girlfriend Claire." Tara explains and Jax grins, offering his hand.

"Hey, I'm Jax."

"Claire." She shakes it, smiling. "I've heard a lot about you too."

"I doubt any of it was good." Jax says knowingly. "She's always liked him better."

"I have not." Shea rolls her eyes. "I love all you children equally."

"No, she likes me the best." Claire grins. "Sorry to be a bother, but could someone show me the bathroom? I think I'm going to have to break the seal."

"Sure, Tara and I can. We better put this back where we can find it." Donna hefts up the fire extinguisher and the girls walk back inside, explaining to Claire that, yes, this is a normal occurrence.

"Well." Shea glances up at Jax and he looks down at her with a raised eyebrow. "She's changed."

"Who has?" He asks, frowning just slightly.

"The love of your life." She says, smiling and leaning against the railing.

"Getting poetic?" He mutters.

"Just thought it was fitting. Let me guess. You two are practically glued to the hip. You sleep at her house. You work until she gets done with school, then you go over there just to be with her. It probably drives Gemma crazy."

"Who do you think you are, being gone for months and then coming back acting like you know everything?" He jokes and she shrugs.

"It's cause I get it." She says quietly. "But it's because I've been away that I can see it Jax. Tara, she's changed."

"No she hasn't." Jax frowns at this. "She's still the same girl she's always been. She's sweet and kind and funny and smart."

"Oh, none of those things have changed." Shea waves a hand. "But when I was here last time?"

"We don't need to talk about that." Jax cuts her off shortly, thinking about that night.

"Fine, we won't discuss you being an asshole. But you're an idiot if you don't see her for who she is now." Shea pulls himself inside and he looks at Tara, in her tight jeans, low cut tank top, and messy, curly hair. Donna must've done her makeup, because it's darker and thicker than she would've done herself, but she's still gorgeous. But her shoulders are a little straighter, her head held a little higher.

"She's my girlfriend." He tells Shea, unsure of where she's going with this.

"Of that, I have no doubt." Shea reassures him. "Just give me a couple more years and she'll be SAMCRO. Hell, she'd probably even rival Gemma."

"Alright, let's not go into the headache that is my mommy issues." He laughs. "I love her."

"I know you do." Shea tilts her head carefully. "But have you thought about what it's going to be like without her?"

"What?" His head snaps as he looks at her. "We're not breaking up."

"I'm not saying that." Shea pats his arm reassuringly. "I'm just saying, Tara has taken on a lot of your world. Have you tried to do the same?" She doesn't bother to explain any further, leaving Jax bewildered. He decides a beer will help with that.

When the party dies down, Tara and Jax find themselves in their normal bedroom, curling up, drunk. As Jax lazily traces patterns on her bare skin, he thinks about Shea's nagging words, wondering if Tara has become too much like him.

"Hey." He whispers and cracks an eyelid.

"We'll have sex in the morning." Tara mutters back and he grins.

"No, not that."

"Then what?" She opens her eyes fully and looks at him. "What else could possibly be on drunk Jax Teller's mind?"

"What are your new year resolutions?" He asks her and she laughs.

"I don't know, I don't really have any." She props herself up on her elbow, eyeing him. "I think they're a little ridiculous, pretending that you can completely change yourself in one month and stick with it. If you want to change that bad, you'll do it anytime. You won't wait for January."

"So you don't think people can change?" He asks carefully and she misunderstands his tone, reaching up to rub his cheek.

"I think they can for the right reasons." She says sweetly and he wants to leave it at that, but can't.

"So there's nothing about you that you'd want to change?" He presses and she frowns, glancing down at herself.

"Jax, if this is your way of telling me I need to lose weight…"

"What? No!" He backtracks hastily. "But I just… I want to make sure you're happy, you know? You deserve it. You deserve to be nothing but totally, absolutely happy."

"I am." She insists, wrapping her arms around him. "I have you, I have Donna and Op, I am so happy."

"I just…" He sighs and rests his head on top of hers. "Sometimes I get scared."

"Of?" Tara frowns at the idea of Jax being scared of anything.

"You waking up one day and realizing that you're better than all this." He admits and Tara looks up at him with a carefully shuttered expression. "Because you're amazing and smart and I know that you know that you don't belong with crow eaters."

"I belong with you." Tara says firmly. "I will always belong with you. And I will come back to you. You're the love of my life."

"But," He tries to protest more and she sighs, kissing him until she makes her way to straddling him and he's distracted from that line of conversation.

"Tell me you love me." She says breathily and his nails gently rake down her back.

"Tara, I love you more than anyone."

"More than anything?"

"In the whole damn world." She rewards that answer with a smile, bending down to cover him in more kisses.

 **AN:** So, stock up on all the fluff you can people, at least you all know it's not gonna last... (sorry!) Reviews please!


	44. What I Know

**AN:** Sorry for not posting last weekend- a breakup and lack of reviews apparently takes out a girl's motivation. Anyways, here's the next chapter- 21 years ago to the day!

* * *

 _February 11th, 1996_

It's a sleepy Sunday afternoon, the kind that's Tara's favorite. Where she's curled up in Jax's bed, the two of them sleepy, watching shit TV and the same ten commercials all day long. Gemma and Clay are gone with something for the club, so she and Jax have spent the entire weekend playing house, cooking food, staying up late talking, and pretending that this is their everyday. It's been blissful.

"I don't want them to come home." Jax mutters in her ear and she smiles, rolling closer to him, trying to press every inch of their bodies together.

"I never want our parents to come home." She mummers back and Jax pauses at her point.

"How has your dad been lately?" Jax ventures carefully and Tara stays quiet, deciding instead that now is a good time to carefully push down the cuticles of his nails.

"Fine."

"Tara, you say fine, I get the impression- ouch! -that it's not fine."

"It's fine, it's always been fine." She moves onto his thumb, using her long nails to push down the encroaching skin. "He's my dad, he's a jerk, but it's fine."

"Ok, cause I just get the impression that, well, you don't tell me when things get rough." He looks at her imploringly and her stomach squirms. Jax can always see into the heart of things, and it's very annoying.

"Jax, I'm a big girl. I know that when we go to parties you hover cause you think I can't handle my shit and usually you're right. But there are two things that I really can handle on my own." She holds up one finger. "Catty girls who think that they can talk shit about me behind my back." She holds up a second finger. "And my drunken father. I've been doing it for years."

"I just don't know why you won't let me help." Jax wiggles his other arm out from under her so she can start on his other nails. "That's all, I just want to help. You know, like Opie helps Donna when her mom goes off the deep end."

"Opie helped Donna by moving her in with him." Tara reminds him and he gestures broadly to his room.

"That's what we did this weekend Tara, and look, it was great!"

"Because your mother wasn't home." Tara brings him back to reality with ease. "And Clay wasn't over, and the club didn't barge in, and we were alone. The only reason it works is because no one was here to meddle or comment or judge. Unless you think that we can afford to get our own apartment together."

"Hey." Jax brightens at that idea. "You, me, Op, Donna, we could all live together."

"No." Tara says dryly. "We'd kill each other in a week. Jax, we're kids. We're not moving out at 18 and getting an apartment and stuff. Hell, I doubt your mom will let you move out even when you're married and have kids."

"Yes she will." Jax's hand slides to cover her stomach. "You'd hate raising our kids with my mom."

"Jax." She laughs, like she always does when he starts talking about babies with her. "Serious. This is fun and great and I love it, but it's not realistic."

"Says you." Jax has the idea in his head now and Tara knows there's no shaking it now, until they've talked all the way through it. "Opie and I work, we make enough money for rent and food. You guys could cook and clean—"

"What kind of girls do you think we are, Jax Teller?"

"And we wouldn't have to worry about your drunk dad or Donna's drunk mom or my mom meddling. It'd be perfect." He draws her close, snuggling his nose in her hair. "Tara, please. I love waking up to you every morning."

"Even when I hog the covers?" She asks, grinning at him.

"Even when you hog the covers and are a billion degrees when you sleep and ramble on nonsense."

"I don't talk in my sleep." She protests and he grins.

"You do. You mumble the cutest things, about how much you love me, how cute I am, how sexy I am," She elbows him in the ribs. "And then there was something about puppies."

"I did dream about dogs." Tara smiles at this. "They were running around and they kept getting out of the fence, and if you found one outside, you got to keep it."

"You have strange dreams." Jax blinks and she shrugs, stretching out languidly.

"What should we do today?" She changes the subject with ease, distracting Jax with what she knows he likes best, a sleepy pout and an arched back.

"I can think of a couple things." He says, hands covering her hips, and she laughs, pushing his hands away after a couple moments.

"Besides that, silly." She flutters her eyelids. "It's almost Valentine's Day. How are you going to top the suckers from last year?"

"I'll think of something." Groaning, he heaves himself out of bed. "C'mon, let's make pizza. I could really go for a pizza." While it's cooking in the oven, they find themselves sitting on the couch, a blanket tossed casually over them, Tara reading and Jax watching TV. They don't move much when the pizza is done, just settle in comfortably next to each other and eat, Jax 5 slices and Tara 3.

"This is nice." She says finally, once they're both set aside their paper plates and have resumed their respective activities.

"If we lived together, we could do it all the time." Jax says quietly and Tara sighs, leaning into him. It would be nice to live with him, without having to worry about the shadow of her father or Gemma looming large. To come home to Jax, pretend they were married, play house… It paints a pleasant picture in her mind.

"And if we lived together, you'd have to do your own dirty, smelly laundry." She reminds him and that hushes him for a long moment.

"Good point."

"And we'd get fat from living off pizza." Tara laughs, poking Jax's six pack. "Or at least, I'd get fat."

"Unlikely, you twig." Jax eyes are sparkling in that favorite way of hers, when he still looks young and playful. "There will never come a day where I can't benchpress you."

"What if I'm 9 months pregnant?" She points out.

"Then I will still be able to, I just won't." He kisses her forehead. "I'm not the future doctor, but even I know you can't benchpress a pregnant lady."

"Common sense looks good on you." She teases and he chuckles, kissing her head while still watching his show. The sun is low in the sky when Tara finally sighs and shuts her book, poking him in the side.

"Yes?" He mutes the TV and turns to her.

"We should go get something to eat before you drop me off at home." She mutters, kissing him before getting up and stretching.

"Yeah." He sees the time and knows that soon, Clay's bike will come roaring back up the driveway and their perfect little bubble will burst. "Want Chinese?"

"Is that even a question?" She points out and so they get up, trying to clean up the evidence of Tara's stay before Gemma gets home. Then they head to Tara's favorite Chinese place, laughing and sharing chicken before heading home.

"See, if we lived together, we'd never have to say goodbye." He reminds her, for the hundredth time, as she sorts through laundry and he sits on her bed.

"Yes, but if every morning I woke up next to you, how would I muster up the willpower to go to school?" She's half teasing, half not, and Jax smirks.

"You can miss a couple periods." He reminds her and she looks at him with a disapproving gaze. "What, you can afford to, little Ms. Above a 4.0"

"You know how I got that above a 4.0?" She asks, folding socks together and putting them in her drawer.

"Ok, how?"

"By not missing a couple periods." She says, deadpan, and that makes him chuckle.

"Fine, fine, go to school, get good grades, make something of yourself like I never did…" He trails off and usually she'd smack him for talking about himself like that, but now she just sighs in exasperation.

"Go plot with Donna. This seems like something she'd want in on." She orders him and he grins. Of course Donna would spring on the chance of all four living together, and she wouldn't let it go either. Donna's tenacity is annoying, but when it's being used to Jax's advantage, he can appreciate it.

Finally, Tara is laying out her outfit for tomorrow, neatly packing up her backpack, and Jax knows it's time for him to go. He lingers as long as possible, but once she's brushed her teeth and changed into pajamas, the inevitable comes.

"Just think, no more goodbyes." He tries one last time and she laughs, kissing him while also pushing him out the door.

"Goodnight Jax." She says fondly and he grins before reaching into his pocket and producing the small notebook he'd given her before.

"I was gonna wait till Valentine's Day to give you this, but I'm hoping that it's more effective today." He informs her and she frowns slightly, glancing at it. "Sweet dreams. I love you." He bends to kiss her again, then her forehead.

"Love you too." She calls to his retreating figure before locking the house up and wandering back to her room. She really should go to sleep, especially if she has that test in history tomorrow, but her curiosity gets the better of her and so instead she sits in her bed with the notebook and begins to read.

 _You once asked me, Tara Grace Knowles, why I write about pain and anger. I told you that's what I know. Then you asked me if I could write about love, and I told you pages._

 _Here they are._

 _Love is a strange thing. When I was a kid, I thought my parents were the definition of love. What else can you do but look to what you have for an example? They were my world and all I knew. To me, that was love. Then my mother had my brother and things changed a little bit._

 _That's when I first knew what love was. I began to understand it. Love then was letting this little runt of a kid steal the toy from the cereal box, pick what cartoons we were going to watch, have the blue cup even if that one was my favorite. I don't think I ever even knew it was love._

 _That's what made it so pure, it being love without having to think about it. We're so much better at love when we're kids, before we know that love can hurt us just as badly as anything else. We love purely, even when we think we don't. So many times I thought in my little mind that I hated my brother, when he annoyed me or frustrated me. But I would've given up the world to trade places with him in that hospital bed._

 _I didn't love for a long time after that. Not with the openness of a child like I had. I loved my mother and my father, sure. I loved my best friend. But that didn't stop everyone in my life from leaving. Dad to prison, mom to her grief, Opie to his mother. Love didn't seem to be strong enough to tether anyone to me anymore and there seemed to be no way to prevent leaving._

 _I think I was fully incapable of love by the time my father died. I was jaded, all sharp edges. Girls were nothing but a distraction, used to make myself forget about all the grief and pain in my own life. I never offered them a chance to see how truly bad I was hurting, and they never bothered to look. Love to them was my last name and the reputation that came with it._

 _I didn't deny it. I didn't turn them away. I didn't know what love was, I'd never seen it. The best example I had of love was my best friend having a crush on the same girl since we were kids. I never thought I'd be the idiot in love, promised myself that I wouldn't let myself get tied down. I wanted to keep on through life pretending to be blissfully ignorant about long term relationships._

 _Then I met you, Tara Grace Knowles. You slammed into me like a ton of bricks and I don't think I've quite recovered. You hurricane of a girl. You were all biting wit and steely smiles. I don't think you showed me an ounce of affection for awhile, just Opie. And only then because he made Donna happy._

 _Oh, how you got under my skin. You were always on my mind, your sass and your attitude, killing me that I couldn't charm you with a smile and a wink. Your stubbornness drove me crazy back then. It still drives me crazy now, but in the best possible way._

 _I didn't know Tara, I didn't know what I felt was love, because I had never been in love before. I didn't know that thinking about you, feeling giddy and anxious at the mere mention of you, elation when you would show up at parties or at school, meant that I was falling hopelessly, head over heels, in love with you. I should've known it was love, when we talked about dead mothers and brothers and parents that didn't really parent and pasts with ragged edges that fit together in the most perfect way possible._

 _We're not kids of divorce, but sometimes I think we are. Donna says it best, how we've never seen a functional relationship before. All I know is discord, violence, fighting to solve problems. These are the examples that have been set for me. I have never once thought that a relationship could work past the initial couple phases. But then I look at you._

 _When you laugh, how your noses wrinkles up in the cutest most adorable way possible. When you're mad at me, how your lower lip juts out and I find myself thinking that I'd do anything to kiss it. I find myself thinking that I could see these thing every day. How when we fight, we fight knowing we'll make up and when we love, we love knowing this is special._

 _I was scared, once, thinking about marriage and old ladies. You know that monogamy isn't exactly prized in the club. I was under the impression that you could never love someone truly, without getting bored or annoyed of them after awhile. But I look at you Tara, and I see our future. Us having kids, maybe a couple boys, and I'd like a little girl to spoil too. Big house, big yard, nice garage where I could tinker with bikes on Sunday mornings. I look at you and all those fears fall away, because I know how much I love you._

 _I love you. I love you through the good. I love you through the bad. I loved you on that cliff where we first kissed and I will love you when we are old and grey, in a nursing home somewhere, holding hands. No matter how close, how far, how young, how old, Tara Grace Knowles._

 _I love you._

 _Jax_

She beams and clutches the notebook to her tightly, tears hanging in the corners of her eyes. This is the best gift he could possibly give her.

 **AN:** Am I trying to compensate for my devastation over Opie by writing fluff, yes I am. Is that going to change here soon? Probably, but go enjoy Valentine's Day everyone!


	45. Rainboots

_March 21st, 1996_

"I think I'd like a cute pair of rainboots." Donna says thoughtfully and Tara glances up from her calculus homework to look out the window. It's pouring, still, has been since the night before, but it's the nice kind of rain. Better than the cold drizzle it'd been a few weeks earlier.

"We live in California." Tara reminds her with a smile and Donna frowns slightly.

"Why's that matter?"

"We get rain like two months out of the year." Tara explains, checking her calculators. "You wouldn't need them."

"Yeah, but they'd be cute." Donna insists wistfully. "I like cute boots."

"Trust me, I know." Tara snorts. "And so does Opie's wallet."

"Hey." Donna glares at her. "Those were a gift."

"Oh, I know." Tara hums thoughtfully and winds her hair up, using the eraser end of her pencil to punch numbers in on the calculator. "Jax and I will never forget that, as long as we live."

"Well, who comes busting into the house the day after Valentine's Day?" Donna is scowling and Tara is laughing. It's been over a month, it's faded from embarrassing to amusing now.

"You invited us! The pizza is already done when we pick it up, we bring it over, trying to be good friends, and there you are, thigh highs and nothing else." Tara pretends to shiver.

"You're just jealous Jax looked." Donna boasts.

"Am not." Tara throws a pencil at her while Donna laughs. "And he did not."

"Keep telling yourself that." Donna blows her a kiss then gets up to sharpen her pencil, hips swinging. Tara rolls her eyes and laughs. "Anyways, if this rain keeps up, the boys are going to start getting cagey." She says, once she's returned.

"I know." Tara worries her bottom lip, glancing again at the rain. Rain meant no riding, and no riding meant crabby, cooped up boyfriends. All things Tara is not fond of.

"We should take them somewhere they can run." Donna sighs, doodling on the paper that was meant to contain the answers to her take home history quiz. "They're like wild animals, they need to just go."

"I know an activity that wears them out and they prefer it." Tara mutters and Donna shoves her with one hand.

"Don't be crass Tara Grace. I was thinking something fun, like swimming or basketball or yoga or an exercise tape."

"I prefer sex over all that." Tara say dryly and Donna sighs loudly.

"Yeah, me too, but I need to work out." She grabs her thighs sadly. "These are far too jiggly."

"Are you kidding me?" Tara looks at her in shock. "Donna, you are not fat."

"Compared to you, Twiggy, I am!" Donna grabs her stomach. "Look, look at the pudge."

"No pudge." Tara bats her hands away. "You are beautiful."

"I could be skinnier." Donna states and Tara gapes at her. "I think Opie would like me with a little less… Flabby."

"Quit it!" Tara muffles Donna's mouth with her hand. "Quit, quit, hush. You are perfect and beautiful and you have curves like an actual girl is suppose to have and you are beautiful. Opie has adored you for like three years now, whether you have a six pack or not is not going to change that."

"Says the girl with the six pack." Donna says, without malice, and Tara lets her go, sighing.

"I'm scrawny not skinny Donna. You've got boobs and hips and a great ass." Tara tries to keep the hint of jealousy out of her voice, though she knows it's irrational. "Of course Jax looked."

"He did not." Donna seems uncomfortable with how the conversation has turned. "I was teasing, you know that. Jax loves you."

"Bony hips and all." Tara sighs and Donna squeezes her hand.

"I could go on for hours about how pretty you are, but I think you'd rather do your homework." She mutters and Tara smiles at her, glad she has a friend that understands her so well.

* * *

After school, they wait outside, huddled under an umbrella, waiting for the truck to come pick them up. There'll be no bikes today. Donna splashes in the puddles, grinning at how Tara protests and complains.

"Quit!" Tara orders and Donna grins at her, with childlike innocence.

"See, this is why rainboots would be such a good idea." She says brightly and Tara is about to launch into another explanation of why they aren't needed when the truck pulls up. It's just Opie, no Jax, and he's frowning when they open the door.

"Is Jax coming?" Tara asks him hesitantly and Opie shakes his head, gesturing for them to get in.

"I'll explain when we get home." He says tightly and Tara and Donna sit in their damp clothes, looking at each other nervously. The ride is silent and tense, Donna cranking up the heat to try to dry themselves off. Opie parks in his driveway and it takes everything Tara has to not sprint into the house, sure that something awful has had to happen to make Jax this upset.

Did someone else die? Who could've died? Not Gemma. No, she'd know if it was Gemma. Opie would've said something. Someone from the club maybe? All the uncles he was always going on about? An Otto or a Lenny or a someone. But wouldn't Opie be upset too? He doesn't look upset, just… Wary.

"Jax." Tara bursts into the house, shoes muddy and uncaring. He laying on the couch, arm thrown over his eyes. "Jax, Jax, oh my god, what's wrong?" She kneels at his side in concern.

"Today was the worst day ever." He proclaims and she rocks back on her heels, looking at him in confusion. He doesn't sound heartbroken, he sounds… Dramatic.

"What… Happened?" She asks slowly. He sighs heavily. "Jax, you're scaring me. Is everyone ok- is Gemma?"

"No." Jax snaps, as Opie snorts. Tara looks between the two of them, more than a little confused. "She is not ok!"

"She's fine." Opie is rolling his eyes, getting Donna a glass of juice. She's halfway between Tara and Opie, not sure what's going on.

"Ok, someone explain." Tara demands and Jax moans.

"I had to do something awful today." He says, like there's a large burden sitting on his chest.

"What?" Tara asks urgently, thinking of club shit- did he have to run drugs or steal something? What if it was illegal? What could've happened to upset him this much?

"I had to give my mom away." Jax's frown deepens and Tara cocks her head in confusion.

"Give her away." She repeats slowly. "Like, you traded her away?"

"No." Jax glares at her as Opie howls with laughter behind them. "At her wedding."

"What?" Donna's jaw drops but Tara is speechless for a long moment, as Jax reclines back, distressed. Then Tara punches him, hard, in the shoulder.

"Jackson!" She bellows.

"Ow!" He tries to push her away, surprised. "Tara, what the hell?"

"I thought someone died!" She keeps hitting him, relief making her toes go numb. "I thought something awful had happened!"

"Drama queen." Opie comments, as Jax struggles to get Tara's wrists in his hands, fending off her attacks.

"Enough!" He finally gets her hands under control. "Ow! Where did you learn to punch like that?"

"From you." Tara tries to poke him in the chest when he smiles proudly. "You asshole. You worried me!"

"Well, it wasn't exactly a good day." He lets her go once he's fairly certain she'll stop the hitting.

"As compared to letting me think for the last fifteen minutes that you'd lost someone else?" Tara asks sharply and Jax bows his head.

"I'm sorry. That probably scared you. I should've explained." He apologizes.

"Yes, you should have." Tara takes a deep breath then sheds her jacket, backpack, and shoes, climbing onto the couch to hold him in her arms. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No." He whines and Tara just rubs his back quietly. Donna and Opie sneak to the bedroom, leaving them in peace. "I just didn't see it coming, I guess."

"Did you know they were engaged?" Tara asks, raking her brain to remember if Jax had even told her. They never kept secrets from each other- they'd arrived at the 'farting in front of each other' stage, and she couldn't imagine Jax not telling her something as important as his mother getting engaged. Not that they talked about Gemma a lot.

"No." Jax says quietly. "Guess it happened around Valentine's Day. They kept it quiet, but decided they didn't want to wait anymore. It was just a courthouse wedding. Couple guys from the club, girls, that's all. It felt… Weird."

"Why?" She pushes his hair away and uses her nails to gently scratch his scalp. He closes his eyes in pleasure, goosebumps rising on his arms.

"I don't know. My mom, being with someone else… Even if she's been with Clay for awhile, it just… It never feels really real, you know? Like I keep thinking he's just in prison or jail or somewhere and he'll come back." He mutters.

"I know." She rests her cheek atop his head, sighing heavily. "We want them to come back, our minds know they won't but we just sit and hope."

"I don't even know if I'd want him back." Jax whispers and it's a confession that seems to upset him. "I don't know, does that make me an awful son? Because as a dad, he never cared? Especially after Tommy, I just… I had to do everything myself. I don't know. Maybe I am an awful son."

"You're not." Tara reassures him, stroking his hair. "You're just human Jax and you're a kid on top of all that. You're a teenager and you've seen and dealt with a lot more than you should have to."

"The broken edges." Jax traces a finger down her arm. "They fit together."

"We fit together." Tara nuzzles into him and they're quiet for a long moment. "Did she wear a white dress?"

"What?" Jax twists to look up at her in confusion.

"Your mom. A wedding dress. I just… I can't see it." Tara admits and is glad that Jax snorts in laughter.

"No, she didn't wear a wedding dress." He admits. "Just a dress. Didn't make a fuss."

"She doesn't seem like one to make a fuss." Tara mutters and Jax gives a huff of laughter.

"No she usually doesn't. Married my dad when she was pregnant with me." Jax reveals and Tara is a little surprised. She'd never envisioned Gemma before she was a fierce biker queen, but there had to be a time, when she was young and pregnant and not yet married.

"Do you ever think about your wedding?" Tara asks him curiously and he chuckles.

"I'm a guy Tara."

"Guys can think about their wedding."

"No, I have not thought about my wedding. Have you?"

"Not really." Tara says and it's not in an attempt to sound cool or different; it's true. "I guess I've always worried more about school and my future than a wedding. Seems more important, doesn't it?"

"No." Jax eyes are sparkling. "No, I completely expected you, Tara Knowles, to sit at home, have my babies, for our wedding to be the most important day in your entire life."

"Shush." She squeezes him. "You brat."

"Teasing." He scoots so he can hold her, instead of the other way around. "Of course you're thinking about medical schools and residency instead of flowers and dresses."

"I'll think about weddings enough for the both of us." Donna breezes by them in Opie's large shorts and an oversized sweatshirt.

"Why did you change?" Jax asks suspiciously. "Did you guys have sex while I was having a crisis about my mother?"

"No." Donna grins as she riffles for a bag of chips. "We're just warming up."

"We are like one wall away." Tara makes a face.

"You guys have already seen me naked." Donna waves a hand. "Stop being prudes."

"I can't go home because my mother is probably having sex, and I don't want to stay here if you two are going to have sex." Jax whines. "No where is safe."

"You could go to the clubhouse." Donna suggests innocently.

"No." Jax says firmly. "I'm not in the mood."

"Ok." With a pointed look at Tara, Donna hurries back to the bedroom with her snacks, slamming the door.

"What's wrong?" Tara runs a hand down Jax's arm. "That seemed a little… Sharp."

"I don't want to go there." Jax has a frown again, a little pouty in a cute way. "Everyone is going to… Talk."

"How about you talk?" Tara suggests, sensing how upset Jax is, beneath the surface.

"I don't want to."

"Jax, don't be a child."

"I'm not." He snaps and she just raises an eyebrow. "Fine." He huffs. "What do you want to know?"

"Why you're so upset." She says gently, running her hands through his hair to calm him.

"Not upset."

"Then why you don't want people to talk to you."

"Because everyone always has a damn opinion." Jax bursts and Tara is quiet, listening intently. "Either people are going to talk about how my mom remarried him or how Clay is my dad now or talk about my dad in general and it'll be a load of bullshit and my mom will ask me if I'm ok, even though she doesn't really care about the answer and Clay will laugh and say I don't have to call him dad but it'll be weird and strange and I'll hate it. And at the end of it all, I'll still be here, sitting in the middle and you'll be the only one that understands that I'm so angry I just want to fight until my knuckles break and my heart feels like it's going to burst unless I get on that bike and push it to it's limits."

"Why does anyone need to talk to you about what your mom does?" Tara's brow furrows in confusion. "I can see if it was the other way around, that people would tell her about your behavior, which they do, if the way she glares at me is anything to go off of."

"Because the club talks Tara." Jax seems tired all of the sudden. "We like to think we're tough biker assholes, but in reality we gossip worse than 13 year old girls. So everyone is gonna have an opinion and they're gonna be heard."

"You make it sound like your uncles are a bunch of Donna's." She mummers and he snorts with laughter.

"Worse, if you'd believe it."

"No, I honestly cannot." She smiles into him, glad that he's not too upset to laugh and joke. Be a dramatic little shit perhaps, but at least not angry to the point of silence, like sometimes.

"I mean, at least it'll be something for them to talk about." He sighs and lifts his head up. "Think Donna left us any snacks?"

"You can check but I'm not going to go get them back." Tara hastily puts a finger on her nose, moments before Jax and he glares while she grins.

"I'll check then." With a groan, he gets up off the couch and meanders into the kitchen.

"Hey. Question." Tara says, hating herself for the unsure tone, but knowing this will nag her if she doesn't ask it.

"Answer." Jax says easily, rummaging through the pantry.

"Would you want me to have curves like Donna?" She says it all in one breath and that makes Jax pause for a moment, trying to translate.

"Like her ass?" He says finally and Tara nods, throat feeling like it's closed up. "Are you crazy?" Jax returns to the couch with a carton of ice cream and two spoons.

"You did see her naked." Tara reminds him wryly and he flinches.

"Why are we still talking about that? It never happened, Opie and I agreed. I walk in on too much sex shit." He complains.

"I just…" Tara starts and he hushes her with a spoon then offers her the carton.

"Do you really think there isn't an inch of you I don't love?" Jax asks her, a little bewildered. "I will kiss it all if that's it. Even your weird little pinky toe."

"I broke it, it never healed right." Tara complains, but she's smiling. Jax has a way of making her feel like she could be a super model.

"Hey, give it." Opie walks out, shirtless, gesturing for the ice cream.

"No." Jax's arm curls around it protectively. "It's ours and we don't want your sex chips in exchange."

"It's my house." Opie protests and Jax shrugs, taking another large spoonful./

"And my mom got married today without telling me beforehand, so really, who deserves the ice cream more?"

 **AN:** I wrote Gemma's wedding in my other story, Charming Little Moments, if you're curious to read that. Thanks for all the reviews, leave me some more?


	46. Freaky Friday

_April 1st, 1996 Saturday_

"I'm just saying, we should prank them." Jax insists.

"And I'm not disagreeing." Opie slings a greasy rag over his shoulder and wipes his hand on his jeans, taking a step back and looking at the car with a critical eye.

"You're not agreeing." Jax points out and Opie huffs loudly.

"Jax, you know that you're not good at pranks. Sometimes you get a little… Out of hand." He says carefully and Jax frowns.

"No I don't."

"Ok, then what were your ideas for the prank?" Opie leans against the car and watches as Jax takes a second to ponder his answers and then says carefully,

"Telling them that one of got driven off the road and crashed our bike into a lake and now we're in the hospital in a coma."

"Too much." Opie says flatly. "How the hell do you not see how that's too much?"

"Fine." Jax scowls and goes to get the keys. "You come up with a better idea then!"

"Hey, Lowell." Opie gestures to the car and the young mechanic comes to look at it. "Jax is grabbing the keys. I'm gonna go have a smoke, tell Jax to join me."

"You got it." Lowell promises and Opie heads out to the picnic table, pulling out his pack of smokes. Jax joins him a minute later, holding his hand out expectantly. Opie supplies him with a cigarette and sits back, waiting.

"What if we have a hang around pretend to mob them? Steal their purses and stuff?" Jax suggests and Opie sighs heavily.

"Think about that for two minutes and then tell me how good of an idea you think it is." He orders and Jax pouts but remains quiet, before finally admitting,

"That might scare them a little bit."

"Yeah, it might." Opie deadpans.

"So what are we going to do then?" Jax grumbles.

"Do you know what the point of a prank is?" Opie asks him patiently.

"It's a prank." Jax grumbles.

"Make them laugh you dumbass, not cry because their boyfriend is in a coma or scream because some biker thug stole their purse. What would make them laugh?"

"I don't know, you plan the damn thing." Jax tosses his cigarette on the ground. "I'm gonna go back to work."

"Ok crabby." Opie mutters under his breath but flicks his cigarette away and follows Jax to the shop.

"If you haven't thought of a better idea, just admit it." Jax says smugly, as they head towards their bikes.

"Oh, I have." Opie informs him breezily, wiping his hands.

"And?" Jax says skeptically.

"Let's go shower at your house." Opie says, sitting on his bike and starting the engine before Jax can ask him anymore questions. Jax yells something as they peel out onto the streets, but Opie ignores him.

"Can you tell me now?" Jax demands, as Opie tosses his hat on the table and heads to the shower.

"Girls have yearbook after school right?" He asks calmly and Jax pauses.

"Yeah, it's Monday, they should."

"That gives us time then." Opie declares and hops in the shower, locking the door.

"Op! What does that mean? Op? Opie!"

"Sorry if I used all the hot water." Opie says innocently when he gets out, towel around his waist.

"You dick. Tell me."

"Take a shower and then I will." Opie promises and Jax, pouting and complaining, goes. Opie waits until he hears the sound of running water, then goes into Jax's room to get dressed.

"Ok, I'm clean and I'm impatient, are you going to tell me or- what?" Jax stops in the doorway to his room, looking at Opie in bewilderment. Opie, sitting on his bed, looks up with an impassive expression.

"I laid out your clothes. Hurry up and get dressed or we won't have much time."

"Time for what?" Jax demands, looking at the clothes Opie's thrown on a chair. "And why am I wearing your clothes?"

"That's the prank." Opie states and Jax doesn't comprehend but starts getting dressed none the less. "We're going to pretend to be each other."

"That's not funny." Jax complains.

"It's funnier than them getting mugged."

"Fine. Where's your belt? These jeans are too big."

* * *

"How can you be nervous? You've been studying for this thing since, like, freshman year." Donna nudges Tara with her shoulder as they stuff books in their backpack and sling them over their shoulders. "I wouldn't be surprised if you started in kindergarten."

"I'm not nervous." Tara protests, the two of them walking through the now empty halls. "I'm just… Anxious. Confident that I've studied a bunch, but I just want to get it over with, you know?"

"You know how to be less nervous?" Donna suggests and Tara looks at her, raising an eyebrow. "Don't take it."

"I think you should." It's an old argument by now and there's really no passion left in it for either of them.

"Why? I'm not going to go to college."

"You could."

"I don't want to."

"How are you going to get a job?"

"Not everyone's gonna be a doctor Tara."

"You could be."

"No, I couldn't, because I'm not crazy and…" Donna trails off and Tara sees what she's looking at- Jax and Opie are sitting on their bikes, waiting to pick them up, as always, but something is off. Tara tilts her head, trying to put a finger on it, then suddenly bursts into laughter.

"What are you guys doing?" She demands and the boys grin. Jax is sitting on Opie's bike, wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt of Opie's. He's even got a signature black beanie on his head. They've switched everything, even down to the shoes and rings.

"We're here to pick up our girls." Jax responds innocently and Donna is wiping tears from her eyes before glancing at Opie sends her into another fit of giggles. He does look ridiculous, in Jax's slightly-too-tight clothes. It's strange to see them on the wrong bikes.

"Yeah, c'mon Tara Grace, let's go get ice cream." Opie says, in a passable imitation of Jax's drawl.

"Oh my gosh, really?" Tara looks between the boys in disbelief. "You're really gonna go all the way- ok. Ok. Alright, fine."

"Seriously?" Donna asks, hesitating between Jax and Opie. Tara, grinning, slips her arm around Opie's waist.

"Bye Donna and Opie." She yells as they pull away and laughs all the way to main street.

"So?" He asks, once he's parked the bike and they get off. Tara can't quite stifle her chuckles.

"Amazing. You guys did so great." Tara pats him on the back. "And I know it was your idea, so good job."

"Yeah, Jax wanted to mug you guys."

"He what?"

"I talked him out of it."

"Well thank god." Still a little stunned, Tara walks up to the counter. "Double mint chocolate chip please."

"Sherbet for me." Opie says and Tara turns with raised eyebrows.

"I didn't know you liked sherbet." She says in surprise.

"It's my favorite." He states and Tara mulls this over while they wait for their bowls.

"I had no idea." She admits when they get them and go to find a table outside. Opie simply raises an eyebrow and offers her a spoonful. "Sometimes I think we don't talk enough."

"Whatcha wanna talk about?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and she grins.

"I don't know. Girl stuff? Or relationship stuff? I can tell you all the stuff Jax does that makes me want to scream and then you can have a turn?" She suggests.

"Ok, what has Jax been doing lately to drive you crazy?" He asks and takes a large bite.

"Ok, well recently, he's been doing this thing where he absolutely refuses to…"

* * *

"So, what do you and Opie usually do?" Jax asks, as he and Donna watch Jax's bike disappear down the street.

"Well, usually we go home, climb into bed, have sex, watch tv, make supper, and cuddle." Donna lists off and Jax flinches.

"Yeah, well, there's no way that's happening with me, even if I'm dressed like him." Jax declares and Donna looks up at him in amusement. "But c'mon, I have an idea."

"Where are we going?" Donna asks, but Jax just hands her a helmet and grins.

"Trust me?"

"Not at all Jax Teller."

"See, this place isn't bad, is it?" Jax demands, once they get off the bike and Donna takes in the Charming Gardens in surprise.

"No, not at all, I just didn't expect… This." She admits and he smirks.

"What, Tara doesn't tell you how romantic I am?"

"Tara hardly tells me anything and I'm her best friend." Donna smacks his chest as she walks past him, into the gardens.

"She's pretty tight lipped." Jax admits and Donna glances over her shoulder at him.

"Yeah, she is. Kinda love that about her though." She admits. "Knowing that she's got my back no matter what. Won't spill my secrets."

"Yeah, she'll just browbeat you into doing whatever she thinks is right." Jax says fondly.

"That she will." Donna agrees, then pauses to look down at a small clump of flowers that haven't yet bloomed. "Oh, I wonder what these'll be."

"Sunflowers." Jax tells her and she looks at him in surprise. "Look, they all have little sticks next to them. They're probably just planted."

"Well." Donna reads the little stick in the dirt then looks at Jax. "What more can you tell me about flowers?"

"Short of reading off seed packets, not much." He smiles at her. "My mom gardens, like a madwoman. When I was a kid, I got to come down here every weekend and help her plant things, water flowers, prune bushes. There's a reason I'm very popular with Charming's 65-85 female crowd."

"I always just thought you got by on your charm." Donna teases and he gives a dismissive shrug. "Do you bring Tara here?"

"Sometimes." They continue on down a path, occasionally stopping so Donna can inspect different flowers. "Usually only when I know my mom isn't going to be here. She tends to, uh, resent me bringing Tara here."

"Ok, what's that all about?" Donna stops and folds her arms, glaring at Jax in a way that makes him feel like he's a 7 year old in trouble again.

"What's what about?"

"The Tara and your mom thing. I don't understand how anyone can hate Tara, because she is sweet, and kind, and funny, and smart." She states hotly and Jax smiles slightly, resting hands on her shoulders.

"Donna, I know. Trust me, I know how great she is. My mom is just… Different."

"Different how?" She presses.

"Protective."

"Jax, there is a fine line between protective and overbearing, and your mother crossed that line going 90 miles an hour on the back of Clay's bike." Donna sasses and Jax snorts in amusement despite himself. "She's overbearing, you know it."

"Of course I do." He admits, throwing his hands up before plucking a leaf off a tree and shredding it. "But she's my mom."

"You don't owe your parents anything." Donna says gently and Jax looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You telling me that or telling yourself that?"

"Both." With a huff, she takes her own handful of leaves and sits on a park bench, folding her legs up.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jax offers, carefully not to show his relief that the topic seems to be moving away from his mother and Tara's relationship or lack thereof.

"Wanna listen?" The corners of Donna's mouth quirk up in a grim smile.

"Of course." Jax is a little hurt that Donna hadn't thought she could speak with him.

"I know you'll understand." She seems to interpret his tone correctly, in an instant. "It's just, sometimes I feel like I burden everyone else with my stuff. I mean, Opie practically raises his father, not the other way around, and his mom only talks to him to threaten him. Your mom, is a good mom, even if she's crazy, but you have to put up with a lot of shit, and your dad is gone. And Tara, I don't know, that girl carries a mountain on her shoulders between not having a mom and her father drinking himself blind every night. It's like, my dad forgets that I exist and my mom usually leaves the stove on when she totters off to bed after 10 martinis. But I manage and I don't want you guys to feel pity for me, not when you have so much other stuff going on!"

"Woah, woah, woah." Jax tosses away his leaf and slings an arm around Donna. "You know that's not how we feel right?"

"I know." Donna sounds like she's holding back tears. "But sometimes I just stop and think about how… Fucked up it all is."

"I know." Jax gently rubs her shoulder and reflects that he's rarely seen Tara cry, but Donna… Donna wears her emotions a little bit more on her sleeve. "I know. I know. It's crazy."

"And I know it's awful of me to complain about my dad, especially when he's alive and you've lost your dad, and he's sober, which no one else can claim, but I just…" For a second she looks up at him and she's anguished. "Why doesn't he want me?"

"Oh, Donna." Jax pulls her closer and gently squeezes, rocking back and forth. "That's not it. You know that's not it. He's a jerk and an awful man and he doesn't deserve the wonderfulness of you. You don't want him."

"I know." Donna buries her head in his shoulder and he's a little alarmed. This is Opie's job. "But I just feel like I push everyone away."

"Are you crazy?" That snaps his attention back to her and he leans her away from him slightly so she can see his face. "You think you push people away? Are you forgetting that the four of us have been our own family for like a year and a half now and we wouldn't dare push you away? Donna, we love you. You're the glue that keeps us together!"

"No I'm not." She gives him a watery smile and he leans over to pick a small red flower, tucking it behind her ear.

"You are. You keep us whole. And we'd pick you, day after day, so you can tell your dad to go screw himself. We're keeping you."

"You know, you're a little bit better at this than Opie." She reveals and he looks at her, stunned.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, he mostly just grunts and nods and then kisses me and tells me he loves me." She reveals and this time her smile is a little more genuine. "Which is great, but sometimes it's nice to hear things out loud."

"Well I can grunt and nod and hug you." Jax pulls her in again. "And tell you I love you, in a little sister I never wanted kind of way."

* * *

"Wait, and so that's how they named you?" Tara asks incredulously and Opie chuckles, swirling the melted sherbet in the bowl absentmindedly.

"The legend tells it that way, yes."

"Amazing." Tara shakes her head. "And here my parents just picked Tara out of a baby book."

"It's a pretty name." He attempts to reassure her and she sticks her tongue out good-naturedly.

"It's not half as cool as Opie."

"Well, not everyone can be as cool as me." He declares and she gapes at him then grins when she sees how amused he is.

"No, and apparently they can't be as funny either. How come you don't show this side of you off more often?"

"Why would I?" He seems genuinely curious at that. "I don't usually get to hang out with people one on one. And when I'm with Jax,"

"He tends to take the spotlight." Tara nods. "I get that. It's kind of nice, you know, never having to worry about talking to you because they always get caught up in the Jax Teller three ring circus."

"They do." Opie agrees. "And Donna has enough words for the both of us, so I never worry there."

"No, me either." They share a smile about their partners and then finish off the ice cream. "Well, I suppose you should return me to my rightful boyfriend then."

"I guess." He grabs her bowl and spoons, tossing them in the trash behind him. "Oh, and if you get a call about Jax crashing his bike and being in a coma, don't let it phase you."

"What the hell?" Tara demands, pausing in the middle of holding the door open.

"That was the idea before the mugging prank."

"That kid sucks at pranks." Tara shakes her head and continues walking. Opie shakes his head while handing her a helmet.

"He honestly, honestly does."

* * *

"Hey you guys." Jax and Donna greet them when they arrive at Tara's house.

"How'd you guys get in?" Tara frowns slightly.

"We both have spare keys." Donna reminds her and then, as proof, she and Jax hold them up.

"Unbelievable." Tara shakes her head.

"Have a fun date?" Jax asks, smirking.

"We did." Tara throws her arm around Opie's waist. "We bonded."

"Us too." Donna briefly rests her head on Jax's shoulder. "We're best friends now."

"See, this is a good prank." Opie informs Jax, who snorts and waves a hand. "And no one got tricked into thinking we were in a coma."

"Wait, what? You guys were gonna prank us by saying one of you was in a coma? What the hell?" Donna yells and Jax groans.

"It would've been funny!"

"What the hell, Jax?"

 **AN:** Respect to anyone who knows who I'm referencing with the Jax-sucking-at-pranks thing. Guess it out in reviews?


	47. Godparents

_May 4th, 1996_

"I don't want to go." Tara reiterates, for the hundredth time.

"I don't care, you're going." Donna responses with ease. She's braiding her hair, so long it nearly touches her butt. "It's not even going to be that bad."

"Yes it is." Tara pouts. "I don't understand why they're so hell bent on going."

"I don't know. Some birthday party for someone. But they want us there Tara." Donna looks at her imploringly. "And that's important."

"What I want is important too." Tara grumbles and Donna pats her arm.

"Of course sweetie, we're not saying it isn't. But we'll go, hang out for awhile so the boys can drink and say hi and run around, and then we can take them home, put them to bed, and have a sleepover." She says cheerfully and Tara smiles ruefully.

"A sleepover?"

"Yes, we'll drink glasses of wine like classy people, paint our toenails, I'll braid your hair, and then we can go cuddle up with our boys." Donna lists off and Tara manages a real smile at that idea. It slides right off her face when she hears the bikes.

"I don't want to go." She hisses and Donna bats the complaint away with a wave of her hand, hurrying to put on thick black biker boots Opie had gotten her as a gift. Tara, having been coaxed into a tank top and jeans by Donna, grabs one of Jax's flannels.

"Well, look at you two." Jax comments, when Donna skips outside and Tara follows at a slower pace, pausing to lock the house.

"Are we going to fit right in?" Donna questions and Opie chuckles.

"Something like that."

"Aright, let's go or they'll be out of beer." Jax says loudly and Tara frowns as she slides a leg over the bike.

"It's not even 11 yet."

"Exactly."

When they pull into the clubhouse, Jax and Opie disappear seconds later. Tara opens her mouth to cal him back, but Donna slips her hand into Tara's.

"Hey." She says reassuringly. "Let him go. He'll get bored and drunk soon enough and then we can take him home."

"I hate this." Tara admits, looking out over the party. Already, men are drunkenly grappling in the corner, girls are dancing provocatively, and toasts are being made.

"C'mon." Dona drags Tara to a picnic table on the outskirts of the party. "Tell me why you hate this so much."

"I can't." Tara draws her knees up to her chest. The night isn't cold, by any means, but she feels oddly exposed here.

"Tara Grace Knowles, you once wrote an essay on the importance of Shakespearean literature that Mr. Gable called 'a masterfully articulate piece for a teenager'." Donna levels her with a firm gaze that makes Tara squirm. "I think you can tell me why this makes you so upset."

"I hate when you do that, you know." Tara tries to deter her and Donna simply arches an eyebrow.

"Speak, you masterfully articulate teenager."

"Fine." She huffs. "It just, this, this whole place, it reminds me of my dad. All the drinking and shit. And it feels so… White trash. And I hate it, because all I've ever wanted, since my mom died and I could feel how much people looked down at me, is to be better. To be nicer. And this feels like the exact opposite direction of what I'm trying to work towards. Being a doctor, having a nice car, a nice house, go on vacation with my kids, not… Sitting in a bar, wasted on bottom shelf booze, unable to keep my eyes open. I want to be better. I want my life to be better. And I feel like I'm torn between two worlds, the middle class world where I water my lawn and take my kids to soccer practice and this world."

"So where does Jax fit into that world?" Donna gets straight to the heart of the matter and Tara sighs heavily. Leave it to her to have the most perceptive best friend.

"I don't think he does. And so the only thing I can think of is that I fit here, the little girl with a dead mother and a drunk father. I fit into this world better than I could ever want to, and I think that scares me most of all." She says glumly.

"You fit in this world because Jax loves you and you love Jax." Donna reminds her. "Because you two are made for each other."

"Made for each other." Tara echoes. "Made for each other and he can't even be bothered to get her a drink or stay by my side."

"Well," Donna pats her knee. "You know Jax."

"Center of attention." Tara completes the expression absentmindedly. A tall man, with long hair, a beer, and lots of tattoos is wandering over towards them, a curious look on his face.

"Hello." Donna smiles up at him warmly when he gets closer. Tara doesn't say a word, watching him carefully. She trusts no man, especially not one with a drink in hand.

"Hello." He smiles back at them and sits down on the table next to them. Donna and Tara exchange looks and Tara scoots closer to her. All she has to do is be quiet and let Donna do the talking. It's worked before. "Otto."

"Big Otto or little?" Donna asks curiously and he chuckles. Jax and Opie had brought over a picture of the club once and had explained who everyone was, so the girls would stop asking questions during the stories. It's obvious from his kutte that he's SAMCRO, but Tara hadn't paid enough attention to the photo to know which is which.

"Big. Nice to know you guys know the difference though." He comments, seemingly approving. "You two must be Tara and Donna."

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Donna looks delighted, buts Tara draws back, face closed off. What does Jax say about her at the clubhouse- what does Gemma?

"A little guess." He says evasively and takes a drink of beer. "Having fun?"

"Sure." Donna says and she turns to jostle Tara a little, correctly interpreting why Tara has suddenly gone rigid. "It's interesting to watch."

"Well, whatcha watching?" He asks, looking out over the party. There's certainly things to see, with two men fighting in the rink, crow eaters spinning on a makeshift pole and giving lap dances by the fire, someone doing a keg stand, and more.

"All of it." Donna gestures widely. "It's all interesting."

"Interesting." Tara mutters darkly and Otto raises an eyebrow, looking at her.

"What would you call it?" He asks her and for a brief second, her stomach twists with her nerves. She should keep her mouth shut- this is why Gemma hates her. But then she squares her shoulders and looks at him without fear. Screw what they think.

"Stupid." She utters and Donna gives her another sharp elbow to the ribs, but Otto chuckles.

"She's not wrong." He states, taking a long drink of beer. "Where are your boyfriends anyways?"

"Who knows?" Tara scoffs. "Left us here and ran inside." She's bitter, because even though Jax knows how much she dislikes these things, how uncomfortable she is with them, he still goes without a second thought.

"They're off talking." Donna's hand curls around Tara's knee in an attempt to be reassuring or warning, she's not sure. Tara gives her a look, trying to explain her anger. "They're little social butterflies."

"That they are." Otto sits back, watching her with a thoughtful expression. Annoyed, she looks away. She's not some zoo animal, to be observed. "Still, two pretty ladies like you, sitting here all by their lonesome, seems a shame."

"Then go tell them that." Tara's tone is like a bite and Donna glares at her, but all Otto does is laugh. It's a strange look on him, the tough biker, but he's not threatening to kick them out or making lewd jokes about dragging them to bed, so Tara likes him better than most.

"Maybe I will." He stands and offers them his hand, surprisingly them both. "Nice to meet you old ladies." Donna takes his hand and shakes it, but Tara stares it down without blinking, stomach churning at the name. Old lady. Otto doesn't seem insulted by her, just more amused, and he walks away wth an easy, rolling stride.

"Tara!" Donna hisses and shoves her, breaking her out of her thoughts. "Why didn't you shake his hand? That was rude."

"He called me an old lady." Tara snaps, with more force than necessary. Donna watches her guardedly for a long moment then shrugs.

"I find that a compliment."

"Of course you do." Tara is tired all of the sudden, worn out from the turmoil inside of her. "You'd make a good old lady."

"And how do you know this?" Donna doesn't seem scared of Tara's snapping in the slightest, nor is she hurt by it. Tara feels immensely guilty, that she is rude and mean to Donna far for often than she deserves.

"Because you love Opie so much." Tara admits, trying to stifle her temper. "You love him enough to do anything to protect him, and that would translate to whatever choices he makes in the future. And you don't have any doubts. You know exactly what you want."

"You do too." Donna smiles at her in a sweet way. "You do, my sweet, lovely, sassy and somewhat hostile best friend."

"I didn't mean to yell." Tara mutters. "But I just… I'm stressed."

"I know." Donna kisses her forehead tenderly. "But all your tests are done now, school's only got a month left, and soon enough we'll be running around in swimsuits again."

"Summer is always a good time." Tara agrees honestly. She's always liked summer, when she and Jax get to have lazy mornings in bed, spending days at the pool or in their meadow. Nights with Donna and Opie at bonfires and parties. And with her 16th birthday next month, she'll be able to drive.

"I have a feeling we'll be here more often." Donna says it airily, like it's an afterthought, but Tara knows that she's trying to warn Tara into behaving.

"This I know." She sighs heavily. "It is… Interesting, I guess." She watches as someone atop the roof attempts to pour his beer into a man's mouth below him.

"A good word." Donna says approvingly. "And look, there's our boys." Jax and Opie are indeed walking over, a case of beer in Jax's arms and two cups in Opie's hands.

"There's our girls!" Jax says loudly and when he swoops down for a kiss, Tara tastes weed, smoke, and Jack Daniels.

"Did you have fun?" Donna asks Opie, pecking his cheek as he hands her the cup. The other is for Tara and she takes a tentative sip.

"Crown and sprite." Opie informs her and she raises an eyebrow, taking a little deeper sip.

"I like it."

"Everyone likes it." Jax tears open the case and cracks a beer, tossing one to Opie. "Besides, Otto makes the best drinks."

"Big Otto?" Donna asks and Opie nods, looking at her with a little surprise.

"Yeah?"

"He came and visited with us." Donna informs them with a smile.

"He did?" Jax glances at Tara quickly and she masks her expression by taking another drink. "What'd he have to say?"

"Just talked about this and that." Tara says evasively. "Introduced himself."

"He's nice." Donna asks, running her fingers through Opie's hair as he sits on the bench between her legs.

"He is a nice guy." Opie agrees.

"Yeah, he's like a second uncle." Jax says thoughtfully. "I think him and Luann might actually be my godparents, now that I think about it."

"Really?" Tara looks at him in surprise.

"Don't have actual aunts and uncles." He reminds her. "Otto is married to Luann and she's my mom's best friend, so I would assume that— Tara, what's wrong?" He stops, realizing Tara has gone rigid.

"Oh no." She whispers.

"What?" He asks frantically. "Is everything ok?"

"I was rude to him." Tara whispers, watching in horror as a blonde woman stretches up on her toes to whisper in Gemma's ear. "I was rude to him and he's going to tell his wife and she's telling Gemma and your mother is going to hate me worse."

"It can get worse?" Opie quips and Donna hushes him.

"You were rude to him?" Jax asks, frowning at her. Tara worries her bottom lip.

"Well, maybe rude isn't the right word, but I wasn't polite. I was… Annoyed. You left, you know how much that pisses me off!" She says defensively and instead of being angry with, Jax seems to be… Smiling.

"What?" Donna catches it too, looking between the boys as they share a smug, knowing smile. "What, what's with the look?"

"If Tara had been polite and sweet, Otto probably would've told everyone that she's a weak little girl." Opie explains and Jax nods. "But instead, Tara yelled at him. They respect that, unless you told him what to do."

"I told him to go find you guys." Tara says unsurely and Jax laughs heartily, drawing her in for another long kiss.

"No, I'm sure you made a better impression than you thought babe." He promises and Tara gives him a halfhearted smile. As the conversation moves to a discussion about a possible summer vacation, Tara thinks about if making a good impression is a good or bad thing.

 **AN:** GUYS, TWO THINGS. 1) We're officially done with part 2, whoo! Back to normal, non-monthly chapters, just the final year to write. And 2) THEY'RE BRINGING BACK ZIMA. My mother has never been so thrilled. Ok, reviews please!


	48. Officer Rush

"Oh my god." Donna looks at her with wide eyes, grabbing her hands and bouncing up and down. "Oh my god, Tara! Oh my god!"

"Yes?" Tara watches her in amusement and Donna sighs happily, spinning around and throwing her arms up.

"We're seniors!" She bursts through the doors as the final bell of the school year rings. "We're officially the top dogs. We run the school. We are the shit now, no one can give us hell."

"No one gave us hell in the first place." Tara remarks and Donna waves a dismissive hand.

"Yeah, but now if anyone wanted to, they couldn't." She declares and Tara rolls her eyes, smiling at Jax and Opie arrive.

"Yeah, the fact that we're seniors is why no one in this town gives us any shit." She mutters under her breath.

"Happy last day of school." Opie congratulates them, smiling when Donna throws her arms around him and squeezes tightly.

"I'm so glad we're done." She says happily. "Senior year is going to be a breeze, right Tara?"

"Sure." Tara kisses Jax's cheek. "No more tests. Just three months of sunshine and sleeping in."

"And parties, starting tonight." Jax declares, handing Tara her helmet and she raises an eyebrow.

"Where at?" Donna asks, intrigued.

"Donald Morris's place. Guess he's got some kegs and his parents are out of town." Jax informs them all. "Thought we'd head over there and celebrate the beginning of summer."

"Do you have a case of Zima's for Tara?" Donna teases and Tara sticks her tongue out as the boys chuckle.

"I drink Crown and sprite now, thank you." She declares primly and they all laugh, boys revving the bikes and heading for the edge of town, bikes roaring and girls hollering in delight.

* * *

"This is going to be the best party ever." Donna declares, as she and Tara pick out clothes from Tara's closet. Donna inspects a shirt and then sighs. "Why are you so tiny?"

"Why is this going to be the best party ever?" Tara asks, taking the shirt from her and tossing it aside.

"Because we're finally seniors. We can finally party. We're celebrating the end of the school year, the end of everything. We get to do anything we want. There are no rules!" She grins, digging through the pile of jeans at the end of Tara's bed, picking several up and tossing them aside.

"For three months and then we have to go back to school." Tara reminds her, grabbing her favorite flannel.

"One more year." Donna sighs heavily. "That's all we have to get through. One more year."

"You act like it's a prison sentence." Tara swipes some more mascara on her eyelashes.

"It is. I can't wait until we're done with school and we don't have to go sit in class all day." Donna grabs her boots.

"Yeah, instead we'll go sit at work all day." Tara chuckles and tosses out her long hair.

"Still better than school." Donna wraps her arm around her waist and the pair of them walking out to the living room. "Besides, we're going to go get drunk and watch stupid boys try to hook up with stupid girls."

"Sitting on the sidelines and judging. I love it." Tara grins when Jax turns and pulls her in for a kiss.

"There's my girl. You ready for a party?" He asks, smiling down at her. Tara lets herself get lost in his big blue eyes, stunned as always by the love that he shows her in these moments.

"Sure." She wraps her arms around him and stretches up on her toes to kiss him deeply.

"Wait, Tara actually wants to party? Unheard of." Donna teases and Tara runs her hands through Jax's hair.

"I want to be with friends." She says honestly. "After all, we only have like another year left."

"You guys could drop out." Opie says dryly and Tara makes a face at him while Donna looks thoughtful.

"They're too smart for that." Jax throws his arm around Tara's shoulder. "Someone's got to keep our dumbasses in line."

"So glad to be in charge of that." Tara kisses his cheek. "But you're still alive and you've only been to jail like what, twice?"

"Details."

By the time they get to the party, it's already in full swing. People cover the lawn, empty cups and bottles already strewn about. There looks to be a bonfire going in the backyard and it's by mutual agreement that they drift that way, watching in amusement as people stumble past them, a few calling out when they recognize Jax and Opie.

"Well, it's time for a drink." Tara declares, looking around at the chaos. Jax disappears for a moment and then reappears with solo cups and a grin. Opie mixes the drinks on a picnic table then hands them out, watching in amusement as the table nearby starts to play beer pong.

"Wanna go next?" Jax asks, nudging Tara gently. She takes a sip, watching as someone manages to sink the ball in the first cup.

"I'm usually better drunk." She admits and he laughs, squeezing her waist then kissing the top of her head.

"Good thing I'm good at this regardless. Hey, Mills." He flags down the guy at the head of the table. "We got next."

"You got it Jax." He nods and then cheers when his partner makes another cup. Jax gives her a reassuring nod. Tara watches the game progress, nervously fiddling with her cup.

"What's the deal?" Donna finds her staring down into her cup. "You're upset. Or nervous. Or something."

"I'm gonna play beer pong with Jax." Tara tells her and Donna watches her for a long moment then gestures for her to go on. "I suck at it. Everyone is going to laugh at me for being awful."

"Oh shut up." Donna waves a hand. "Tara, we're seniors. No one gets to laugh at us anymore, remember?"

"No, I still think they can." Tara deadpans and Donna laughs, making eye contact with Opie and pointing to Tara's cup. He nods in understanding and goes to find their alcohol.

"They won't." Donna says confidently. "Not just because you're standing next to Jax but because you're going to do fine. It's just beer pong Tara."

"I hate social interaction." Tara mutters.

"Here, then." Donna hands her a shot glass filled with clear liquid. "Take this then, if you insist on being doubtful."

"Ok." Tara takes the shot and tosses it back, instantly recoiling and gagging when the taste hits her. "Oh my god! What is that?"

"Hawkeye vodka." Opie hefts the bottle, looking at it skeptically. "Freshman gave me the whole bottle for a shot of Crown. Thought it was a fair trade."

"It wasn't." Tara lunges for the sprite bottle and chugs it, gagging even after taking the chaser. "That's straight gasoline. That's nasty."

"Really?" Opie looks down at his cup. "Tastes fine to me."

"That's not worth of human consumption." Tara shudders. "Oh, and it's strong, Jesus Christ."

"Tara!" Jax yells, from the table. "C'mon, we're up."

"Please never make me a drink with that ever again." Tara orders Opie, before walking back to Jax.

"Is it really that bad?" Opie questions Donna, who takes a whiff of the bottle and then grimaces.

"Well, it smells that bad."

"Ready?" Jax asks when she takes her spot at his side. She takes a deep breath and drops the ball in the water, splashing it.

"Yeah, let's do it." She decides, taking one more sip to clear the taste of Hawkeye from her mouth.

"Let's see what your girls got, Teller!" Mills calls and Jax kisses her temple. Tara takes her shot and then arches the ball. It soars before landing in one of the cups with a little 'plop'.

"She's got game." Jax says proudly when Tara looks at him in shock. Mills laughs and retrieves the ball, removing the cup.

"Fair enough. Game on."

The game takes awhile, each team making a couple cups and disputing shots and rules. Tara keeps drinking, Opie magically reappearing to fill her cup whenever it gets below halfway, though thankfully he heeds her wishes and keeps the Hawkeye for himself. It's a combination of the drink and the game, but Tara finds herself yelling and laughing along with the rest of the crowd.

"Ok Tara." Jax mutters in her ear, rubbing her shoulders. She's utterly focused on the lone cup in front of her. "If you make this shot, we win. We win it all. Relax. Relax. Let it come naturally."

"I got it." She says confidently.

"I love you." He reassures her and then steps back. She takes a deep breath, spinning the ping-pong ball idly in her fingers. Then she flicks her wrist and sends it flying. The eyes of everyone follow the ball, tracking its path through the air and down to the rim of the cup, circling it before falling into the water.

"I did it!"

"Yeah!" Jax pumps his fist in the air. "Yeah, that's my girl! Tara!" He picks her up around the waist and swings her in a circle.

"Whoo!" Donna cheers and even Opie's cracked a rare smile.

"Nice!" People are cheering and clapping her on the back. She soaks in the attention, until Jax's hand finds the small of her back.

"C'mon. I want to get my little star player a drink." Jax whispers in her ear and Tara follows him, laughing, drunk and happy.

"I guess I'm not so bad after all." She says teasingly. Jax pauses from pouring her drink to turn and look at her with a smile.

"I always had faith in you." He says, kissing her. "Though the mystery beer pong ability is kind of a turn on, actually."

"Glad to know after all this time I can still be attractive to you." She remarks and he groans.

"Don't even joke about that. I will always find you attractive. I love you, every which way." He pulls her close and sways.

"Even if I'm a little tipsy?" She questions and he withholds her drink, quirking an eyebrow.

"Are you drunk?" He questions and she laughs, sitting down on the picnic table heavily.

"Opie made me take a shot of Hawkeye." She informs him and he looks at her, impressed.

"Seriously? And you didn't throw up?" He hands her the drink. "That's more impressive than the beer pong shot."

"Thanks? I think?" She says hesitantly.

"Oh, welcome. Now c'mon. We're the champions of beer pong; I intend to show that off. I intend to show you off." He mutters, kissing her deeply.

"I love you, you know that?" She holds his hand, staring up at him. He beams at her, kissing her knuckles.

"And I love you." He says honestly. Then he pulls her back to the party, laughing as he does so. Tara follows, taking care not to slosh the alcohol out of her cup. She keeps drinking and it makes it easier to laugh and talk to the people Jax attracts, holding her own instead of disappearing into Jax's shadow. He even leaves her at one point, and she doesn't feel the need to find him or Donna. She listens and interjects into the conversation.

"You look like you're having fun." Donna leans her head on her shoulder and Tara looks at her in surprise.

"Yeah, I am." She admits, looking down at her cup then up at the dwindling party. "I really am."

"Well, I'm sorry to ruin that for you, but I think we better take the idiots home." Donna watches Jax and Opie laugh and throw their cups trying to hit an overflowing garbage can.

"Yeah, it seems to be about that time." Tara says fondly, finishing her drink and tossing it aside. "C'mon honey, let's go home."

"How are we going to get back?" Donna wonders and Tara shrugs, hugging Jax from behind.

"We can walk." She suggests.

"Walk where?" Jax questions as Opie wraps Donna up in his arms and gazes down at her adoringly.

"Home. Donna's house." Tara pats his cheek. "You can't drive, we can't drive, so we gotta walk. It's only like a mile."

"A mile?" Opie demands.

"Not that bad." Tara says firmly, taking Jax's hand and tugging. "C'mon, it'll be fun. We'll bond! It'll be good!"

"We usually spend everyday together. We usually sleep in the same house. You're wearing my girlfriend's clothes. You wear my clothes. Is it possible for us to bond any more than this?" Opie comments.

"I don't think that we've seen Tara naked, but you've all seen me naked." Donna points out and they all cringe.

"We're forgetting that, remember? Never happened." Jax declares and Donna shrugs, jumping onto Opie's back. He heaves her up and starts trekking. Tara does the same to Jax and so the two boys carry the girls away from the party, heading towards Donna's house.

"Let's bond about stuff. You guys are my best friends. I love you. I love you lots. We're all best friends and that's so awesome. We're a family. You guys are my family." Tara rambles and Jax and Opie exchange amused looks while Donna nods in agreement.

"We are family, babe." Jax agrees, hoisting her up. "But can you loosen up around the neck?"

"Oh, I'm sorry honey."

"Stop, stop, stop!" Donna yells and both boys stagger to a stop, Opie dropping her and looking at her in alarm.

"What?" He demands.

"I use to play at this park when I was little." Donna points to the playground and goes sprinting off.

"Ooh, I wanna go too!" Tara wriggles until Jax drops her as well. She takes off after Donna and the boys look at each other in exasperation.

"We have to go after them, don't we?" Opie says tiredly and Jax groans, cracking his spine.

"That's the boyfriend thing to do." He mutters and with a resigned sigh, the two of them head to the playground.

"Please come down." Opie says patiently, watching as Donna tries to balance on top of the monkey bars.

"Why?" She questions.

"Because you are going to fall and get hurt and I will be sad."

"No I won't." Donna proclaims. "I did this all the time as a kid, I'm really good at it, I promise."

"Donna, honey, please." He pleads.

"Don't worry Op, we're fine." Tara is perched on top of a slide, Jax laying on the ground below her and watching her.

"No we're not." Opie watches with narrowed eyes as a police car, lights flashing, pulls into the parking lot beside the park and a man gets out, leaving the car running.

"Are those cops?" Tara scrambles down, panicked.

"Don't run." Jax says instantly and Tara stumbles off the playground, latching onto Jax's arm tightly. "Let us handle it."

"Hey!" The officer yells. "What are you kids doing?"

"Nothing officer." Jax smiles charmingly when he gets close enough, flashing a light in their faces. "Just hanging out."

"It's nearly 2 in the morning." He scowls. "You guys should be home. Are you drunk? Smoking?"

"Nope." Donna pips up and he flashes the light at her.

"Really? Cause there's a party right down the street, you guys look drunk, and are wandering around." He pauses, looking at Jax for a long moment. "Get in the car, Teller. You guys are going downtown."

"On what charges?" Opie demands.

"Public intox." He spits. "In the car, go."

"Oh my god. Oh my god." Tara is practically breaking Jax's hand, squeezing it tightly. "Are we being arrested?"

"Yes." Jax states and her jaw drops. "But calm down, it's nothing. They have no proof. It's Officer Rush, he's just being a dick. We'll get to the station, Unser will let us go. Trust me."

"Oh my god." Tara whimpers and even Donna looks alarmed, sliding into the backseat of the police car. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I can't get arrested! I applied for schools! Oh my god."

"Hey. Calm down." Opie grabs her face and holds it steady. She looks at him with wide eyes. "Shut up. Don't say anything. It'll be over in like an hour. You just have to shut up, ok?"

"Ok." She whispers and true to their words, the boys handle it, talking and laughing even as they're thrown in a cell. Tara curls up in the corner and Jax catches Donna's arm.

"Hey. Look after Tara. We'll handle this. Make sure she stops freaking out." He requests lowly and Donna nods.

"Hey. It's ok." She wraps her arm around Tara.

"This is going to go on my record and completely mess things up." Tara mutters, looking at her. "Forever."

"They're not going to charge us." Donna says confidently. "And then you'll just have been detained on speculation. It's fine. Stop flipping out. The boys can handle this, they've done it plenty of times."

"Not reassuring." Tara declares but looks up when she hears a booming laugh. A short man, balding slightly, is standing in front of the cell, hands on his hips, eyeing them in amusement.

"Hey Unser." Jax sticks his hands through the bars and grins. "Slow night, huh? If Officer Rush-into-shit is picking us up."

"What'd he get you on?" Unser asks, chuckling.

"Alleged public intox. But as you can see, we're just some troublesome teenagers messing around." Jax spreads his hands wide in a gesture of innocence. "Nothing to worry about."

"The picture of virtue." Unser remarks, shaking his head. "Dragged Opie and the girls into it I see?"

"All the more reason to believe that we're just being kids. You think they'd let us get in trouble?" Jax points out and Tara attempts to school her face into something akin to goodness.

"Yeah." Unser snorts. "Right. I'll let you out, but go home, all of you. I'm calling parents."

"You get ahold of my dad, let me know." Opie scoffs and Unser nods, unlocking the cell.

"Go home." He orders, shooing them out. "At least you're not driving, I'll give you that."

"Thanks." Jax pats him on the back then stops and turns back to look into the cell. "Tara, c'mon. Let's go home."

"That's it?" Tara is looking at Unser, baffled. "You're just going to let us go, after all this?"

"You wanna stay?" He asks her, quirking an eyebrow and Tara shakes her head, hurrying out of the cell. Jax tucks her into his side and looks down at her curiously, smoothing down her hair.

"You ok?" He mummers.

"Take me home." She holds tightly to him and he does as told, giving Unser a tiny wave as he heads out.

"A call to our parents." Donna laughs, shaking her head as they exit back into the night air. "Please. I doubt any of them will even care."

"I'd be impressed if he managed to get ahold of mine." Opie says darkly and Donna twines her fingers with his.

"It's all good." Jax says bracingly. "See babe? Nothing bad can happen to us. Unser's a family friend; it's almost impossible for us to get in trouble in the town. We could basically kill someone and get away with it."

"Please don't." Tara says faintly and Jax laughs, sweeping her off her feet, kissing her cheek.

"Ok, fine, we won't."

 **AN:** To the guest reviewer who commented about being old enough to be my mother- I just turned 22 on the 9th, so you tell me! Back to normal chapters, let me know thoughts? Here comes the first of three arrests with Jax...


	49. Good Girl

Tara knows, when she rolls over, that she is going to have one wicked hangover. It's a familiar sensation by now, but she's never felt anything quite like this. She moans and flops her left arm out, patting the bed, searching for Jax. When she doesn't find him, she cracks an eye open, frowning. The bed's empty, the sheets rumpled where he must've been.

"Jesus Christ." Tara mutters, sitting up while holding her head in her hands to prevent it from splitting. She wants a glass of water and maybe a greasy breakfast sandwich, but first some ibuprofen.

"Hey there sunshine." Jax appears in the doorway, in nothing but his boxers, grinning at her.

"Hi." She grumbles, drawing her knees up to her chest so that her stomach will stop aching.

"Is my beautiful girl hung over?" He asks and instead of answering, she just groans and slumps to the side. "Take that as a yes. Don't worry, I'm making omelets and hash browns."

"Thanks." She mutters and Jax leaves, humming. Tara waits for her stomach to stop flipping then realizes she doesn't know where she's at. She opens her eyes wide, looking about. Wood paneled walls, a couple sparse pictures, cream carpet- Opie's. They're in the spare bedroom.

She sits up, ignoring the way her stomach threatens to heave, trying to sort out the hazy memories of the night before. Donna's house was closer to the party, why'd they come here? They went to a party, Tara won beer pong, they decided to walk home, they played at a park and— Oh.

Scrambling off the bed, Tara runs for the bathroom, heaving when she finally gets over the toilet. She doesn't fight the bile that's rising up, just tries to get everything out. Eventually, there's nothing left to heave up, so she leans her head against the tub.

"You ok?" Donna's head pokes around the doorframe, looking down at her in concern. Tara shakes her head weakly and with a purse of her lips, Donna disappears. Tara stays where she is, closing her eyes to stop any tears from leaking out.

"Hey." Jax and Donna both appear in the doorway, concerned. "Here, babe, drink something." He kneels next to her and offers her a glass of water, along with two small red pills.

"I'm fine." She mutters, taking the water and ibuprofen anyways. Jax rubs her back as she swallows, still looking worried.

"Want some breakfast?" He mummers and she sighs, nodding, letting him help pull her up.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this hung over." Donna remarks, when Tara slumps at the table and threads her fingers into her hair.

"Not hung over." Tara mutters and Jax pauses from sliding an omelet onto her plate. "I mean, I am but it's something else."

"Are you pregnant?" Donna demands and Jax nearly drops the skillet of hash browns.

"No." Tara glares at her. "Did you guys conveniently forget that we got arrested last night?"

"Oh, that." Jax places a large scoop of hash browns next to the omelet and goes to get hot sauce for her. "Are you freaking out?"

"Aren't you?" She stares between Donna and Jax, aghast. "We were arrested! That goes on record! Permanent records. That stick with us, forever. How am I going to get into college with a record? How am I going to get a job?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Jax grabs her face and she's breathing heavily, chest pounding. "We were arrested Tara, not charged. You're not going to court, all it's going to say is that you were arrested on suspicion of public intoxication by an officer dickwad and then they had no proof so they let you go."

"What?" She demands, trying to understand.

"Unser isn't going to press charges. You'll be able to deny it to anyone that asks. It's just a couple kids, being rowdy, like kids do. You're going to be fine." He reassures her. "He's just going to call your dad."

"Wait." Tara's head is pounding again and she closes her eyes, trying to focus past the pain. "So we're not in trouble?"

"No." Jax opens the hot sauce for her and offers her the bottle. "Tara, the club runs this town, including police. Did you really think that I was going to let anything happen to you?"

"We were in jail." She reminds him, but takes the hot sauce and begins sprinkling it over her hash browns.

"And it was kind of fun." Donna comments, opening the fridge and grabbing orange juice.

"Are you nuts?" Tara looks at her in shock. "Donna, we were arrested. We could have gone to prison."

"Babe." Jax rests a large hand firmly on her head. "Stop worrying. Nothing happened. I've been arrested a couple times, nothing ever happens. Unser always gets us out free."

"Because of your last name." Tara snaps and Jax looks startled at the venom in her voice. She stops and takes a deep breath, spearing her omelet and taking a bite so she wouldn't have to explain herself.

"Tara." Donna lays a hand on her arm calmingly. "You're going to be just fine. I promise."

"Oh course you can say that." Tara mutters and Donna draws back like she's been burned.

"Hey." Jax gives her a sharp look. "Don't talk to her like that Tara, she's just trying to help."

"I know." Cheeks aflame, Tara sets down her fork and puts her head in her hands. "I know, I know, I'm being awful, but you guys, we were arrested last night and you guys are just so calm about it."

"Because nothing happened." Donna rolls her eyes and goes to get her own omelet. "We're teenagers Tara."

"Oh my god." Tara puts her head down on her arms and groans loudly. "I'm 15 and I have a record."

"No you don't." Jax reminds her, for the hundredth time. "Tara, Unser's going to call your dad, tell him you got in a little trouble like teenagers usually do, and remind him to make sure you get home at night. We didn't kill someone, it's not a big deal, honestly."

"Hey." Opie walks into the kitchen, blinking sleep from his eyes and glancing around at them, Tara with her head on the table, Jax sitting across from her frowning, and Donna eating her omelet at the counter, eyes narrowed at Tara. "Good morning everyone?"

"Tara is throwing a fit because we got arrested last night." Donna informs him. "We're trying to remind her that it's not that big of a deal."

"Oh, it's not a big deal." Opie says easily, pouring his own glass of orange juice and shaking four ibuprofen out for himself.

"Because it happens to you guys every other weekend." Tara reminds them and neither boy can dispute her point.

"That's the point Tara." Opie kisses Donna's head and steals a forkful of hash browns from her plate. "We're young, Unser doesn't care and our parents don't care, so it doesn't matter."

"It matters." Tara looks at him in astonishment. "Of course it matters, we can't just act like it doesn't."

"I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it." Jax sits back and crosses his arms.

"Because it should be a big deal." Tara looks between the three of them, all impassively eating their breakfast.

"It's as big as a deal as you getting a C on a math test or being late to English. Sure, it's not like it was your greatest choice, and you can be upset for a bit, but it's not like it's going to stop you from having a future." Opie says calmly and Tara sits back, ruminating on his words.

"I'm sorry I was a bitch." She finally says, reaching out for Donna's hand. After a pause, Donna takes it.

"Well, you did practically try to drown yourself in toilet water this morning, so you can be forgiven. A little. I still expect ice cream." Donna says, squeezing it and then finishing off the hash browns.

"Deal." Tara smiles and then looks at Jax. "Are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you?" He quirks an eyebrow and then breaks into a sunny smile. "Tara, I'm never mad at you."

"You've been mad at me before." Tara reminds him, a little amusement slipping into her tone.

"Never about stuff like this." Jax gets up and kisses her forehead.

"Sometimes I just wonder how you guys do this." Tara finishes off her hash browns and omelet.

"Do what?" Opie questions.

"This." She gestures to the house as a whole. "I just, how can you guys just be so… Calm?"

"Because we're not worrywarts like you." Donna squeezes her shoulder and Tara looks at them all fondly.

"That's why you need people like us." Jax reminds her. "Now c'mon, let's go back to bed and cuddle. You've already had a meltdown, you're not due for another one for like six hours."

"Sassy." Tara scolds, but gets up nonetheless. Jax leads her back to bed, drawing her into his arms. Within ten minutes, he's snoring but she lays awake, mind too jumbled to sleep.

She knows the arrest should upset her more. Her future is on the line now; an arrest won't look good on applications for college or med school. She is mad, mad at herself and the others for letting that happen. She can't stop berating herself, for letting herself get caught, for being stupid enough.

But the other part of her, the little voice that sounds just like Donna, keeps telling her that it's fine, nothing is going to happen. Jax and the club, they run the town. Nothing bad can happen to her when she's with Jax, and he's proven that time and time again.

But the party had been fun. And she'd like winning that beer pong game, liked that everyone had laughed and cheered for her. A normal introvert, it'd been strange to be the center of attention, but strangely nice at the same time, especially when she'd seen the pride in Jax's eyes.

Besides, they are right. Nothing had happened, Unser had let them off with a laugh and warning. No one had taken her blood alcohol, no one had given her a trial date, and she's tangled in the sheets with Jax instead of sitting in jail cell. She's fine, and it's going to be fine. With a groan, she throws her arm over her eyes and turns her face into Jax's shoulder.

"It's ok." He mutters, rubbing her back. "I got the whales buddy." Tara stifles her laughter and for a second, it does seem like it's going to be fine, especially when Jax kisses her temple.

Eventually, she does fall into a restless sleep, dreaming of flashing lights that seem to be right behind her. She wakes up sweaty and dry-mouthed, drool covering her left hand. Making a face, she wipes it on the sheets and turns to check the time. 11:42.

"Jax." She pokes his side. "Babe, wake up. It's time for lunch."

"Lunch?" Jax's eyes pop open. "Can we get pizza?"

"Sure." Tara smiles and kisses his head. "Do you think that I should wake up Donna and Opie?"

"Do you want to risk seeing Donna naked?" Jax reminds her and Tara sighs, shrugging.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." She thinks of all the times Donna has casually discarded her clothes, completely confident in her body. "We're well past that stage of friendship."

"Interesting." Jax grins at her then gestures for her to lay her head down on his chest. "I have a question for you."

"What's that?" She lies down and he stokes her hair, occasionally trailing his hands down to her shoulder and back.

"This whole arrest thing." He says lowly and she cringes. She should've known that it wasn't going to be left at the breakfast table. "I know you're a good girl, believe me. That's like, half of the reason why I fell in love with you."

"Is that so?" She teases, eager to dissuade him from this topic. "Because you wanted to see if you could get the good girl to fall for the bad boy on his bike, smoking and cutting class?"

"It's all about balance babe." Jax grins and pulls her close, kissing the crown of her head.

"Yeah, that's what we are, balance." She snorts.

"But what you said to Donna, about how it doesn't matter if we get arrested." He says quietly and she sighs.

"I didn't mean it like that." It's the honest truth, she hadn't meant for it to come out as harshly as it had. "I just meant, you and Opie already have jobs at the shop and well, it's not like the club is going to turn you down if you get arrested a couple times. And Donna doesn't plan on going to college, she'll just get some job in Charming and marry Opie and be happy. But Jax, you know that's not me, that's never been me."

"Yeah." He runs a finger down her cheek gently. "Like I said Tara, that's why I fell for you. Because you are so determined and stubborn."

"And because I wouldn't sleep with you." She mutters, fingers teasing his boxers, but Jax refuses to be distracted for the first time.

"Because you are smart and driven and a good girl." He says firmly. "And if I'm the thing that's holding you back, or changing you, or anything like that, then I think we need to talk about it."

"No we don't." Tara is surprised at how quickly the terror at Jax's words rises up. It's utter fear, starting in her chest and quickly overtaking her neck and stomach, until she feels paralyzed with it. The idea of losing Jax, losing them, makes her half digested breakfast turn. "Jax, you are…" She traces his chest, over his heart, before pressing her palm to feel it beat.

"Yes?" He prompts, when she falls quiet for a long moment.

"You're my heart." She realizes. "Jax, if I lost you, I don't know what I would do. You make me a better person. You make me all of those things that you say I am. Without you I'm not that girl. I need you. You and me, we're intertwined, we're one. I don't want to ever lose that."

"No, you never will." Jax grips her tightly. "Tara Grace, I promise that I will always be here for you."

"Good." She breathes and Jax returns to her earlier mindset, hands roving up under her shirt to cup her breasts. As one hand drifts down her stomach, she lets herself be caught up in the rise of desire.

As she climbs atop Jax and he slips inside of her, moaning into her neck, she feels the same sense of victory, of power that she'd felt when she'd training that Ping-Pong ball in the solo cup. She's admired. She's revered. And as Jax moans her name, thrusting with each breath, nails raking down her back, Tara makes a choice. She loves that feeling too much to ever want it to go away. She loves this feeling too much.

"Fuck, Tara." Jax groans and she picks up the speed, making him cry out. He's hers, she's his, and they've chosen each other and no one else. Jax wants her; he comes to bed with her, calls her babe and his girl. She could be happy with him, she could be happy here in Charming.

What do her dreams matter if she's miserable when she gets them? Happiness is found with Jax, that's all she knows. No reason to mess with that. She doesn't want to lose him, even if he comes with Gemma and the club and a hundred other things that make her nervous. He is the love of her life. Her soul mate. She needs him like she needs air.

"Jax." She pants. "Jax, oh god, Jax, I love you."

"I love you." He says roughly, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back so he has better access to her neck. "Fuck, Tara, I love you so much. God, Jesus Christ, Tara, you're beautiful."

"Jax." She whispers, but it's drowned out when Jax finally comes, biting down on the junction between her shoulder and neck. She can't stop a possessive smile when she knows it will bruise. Jax slowly lifts her off him and gives her a drowsy smile, trying to calm her now messy hair.

"Wanna just order that pizza in?" He offers, already reaching for the phone. Tara pauses, looking at him, head tilted.

He's still her same Jax, still lean and muscled, smooth skin that's starting to tan in the summer sun, peach fuzz on his cheeks, that strong jawline and high cheeks, perfect lips, bright blue eyes, and long, blond hair. But now it's like he's got a filter on him, glowing in Tara's eyes. Her boyfriend, her lover, her future, and she can't help but pull him in for another kiss.

"I love you." She repeats and a little confused, he kisses her back then kisses her nose for good measure.

"So, pizza?" He says, once she's sat back, satisfied.

"Yeah, order pizza sweetheart." She beams at him, blissfully happy. "But I'd bring the phone to Donna and Opie, cause you know how crabby they get when we don't offer them food."

"Are you guys ordering pizza?" Donna yells through the walls.

"Does that mean you're finally done having loud sex?" Opie shouts and Jax looks at her, eyes sparkling in a challenge. Tara responds with a mischievous wink of her own.

"Not even close. Pepperoni or supreme?" Jax responds and Tara laughs as she kisses him.

 **AN:** Hey, reviews are great and make me happy and if I could have some of them, that would be awesome!


	50. Ink

"You'll be turning 16. It is a big deal." Donna declares and exasperated, Tara can only blink at her.

"Just a day, nothing more, nothing less." She repeats and Donna huffs, rolling onto her stomach, adjusting her swimsuit strings.

"It's your birthday. If you wanted Jax to throw you a party, he'd do it. If you wanted him to buy you a car, he'd do it. If you asked him to fly you to Disneyworld, he'd do it." Donna rattles off and Tara hides a smile.

"Things have been good lately." She admits and Donna rolls her eyes, peeking out Tara from beneath her large sunglasses.

"Good? You guys are acting like you just started dating again. It's all smiles and giggles and flirting. Frankly, if Opie and I didn't love you guys so much, it'd make us sick." She declares.

"We're just happy." Tara deflects; grinning and rolling onto her own back, the rays from the sun warming her body. She knows that Donna's right. Her and Jax have been, as Opie had termed it- ungodly happy. Tara can't help her blissful happiness, ever since the realization that she loves Jax so much, she wants her future with him. They spend ever day together, at home, snuggling, getting ice cream and coffee, going to movies and date nights.

She loves him, and she's completely happy with him. Jax seems to share her happiness- he can hardly keep his hands off her, even in public, and in private, he can't seem to get enough of her. Tara can't help but blush at the memory of the past couple steamy afternoons and nights.

"Happy." Donna rolls her eyes. "Happy doesn't even begin to start with you two. But really, your birthday."

"What about it?" Tara closes her eyes and lets the sunlight warm every inch of her body.

"Let's do something." Donna hums in contentment and Tara is quiet, pondering it over for a couple minutes.

"Ok, what are your plans?" She questions. "Because I see exactly what you're going for here, you're not subtle."

"I don't intend to be." Donna says shamelessly. "I think we should have a party. You had fun at the last one."

"Until we were arrested."

"Besides that. But you know, a little party, up at the cabin, it would be fun. A great little party." Donna says persuasively.

"Fine." Tara relents. "Another party. What else are we going to do? That's all there is to do in Charming."

"Hey, who are those babes?" Jax calls teasingly and both girls sit up, turning to grin at him. He and Opie walk into the backyard, shirtless and in shorts, hands still dirty with oil and grease.

"How was work?" Tara asks, as Jax dips to kiss her.

"Hot." He complains. "The garage has no air conditioning. It's awful. I think I sweated off like twenty pounds."

"He's being dramatic." Opie says, taking a sip of Donna's lemonade. "But it was pretty damn hot."

"Well, we've been talking." Donna announces. "About Tara's birthday and our plans for it."

"Oh?" Jax raises an eyebrow. "And what might that be?"

"A party." Donna says delightedly.

"Really?" Surprised, Opie glances between the two girls. "Tara actually wants to have a party? In her honor?"

"You don't have to sound so shocked." Tara says dryly.

"I am." He says honestly.

"Me too." Jax comments. "Tara, you don't always love parties, do you really want one all about you?"

"Oh, like it'll be all about me." Tara waves a dismissive hand. "Everyone will be drunk, no one will know who I am, and they'll just show up because it's a Jax Teller party."

"I'll make you a sign." Donna says eagerly.

"Party is fine." Tara points to Jax. "But no sign." She swings her finger to Donna, who looks slightly put out.

"Well, ok." Jax breaks into a grin. "Fine then darling, I guess I'm throwing you a party."

"Oh joy." She makes a face at him and he simply goes to grab the hose, turning the water on and holding it above his head.

"I'm hot." He complains, as the water splashes on him. "It is way too fucking hot today."

"Then let's go to the pool or the beach, instead of raising my water bill." Donna says sassily and Jax aims the hose at the girls, causing both of them to squeal and run from the cold water.

* * *

"Good morning." Jax whispers, kissing Tara's nose and with a small groan, she smiles and blinks her eyes open sleepily.

"Why hello." She mummers, kissing him.

"Happy birthday my love." He gives her another kiss, then lies next to her and pulls her close to him.

"Oh thanks." She snuggles into him, pausing to see if she feels any different now that she's 16. For the most part, she's just sleepy, and a little sunburned from tanning with Donna.

"So, besides her birthday party tonight, what does my birthday girl want to do with her day?" He asks, once they're comfortably settled in.

"I don't care." Tara decides. "I just want to get some ice cream, that's all. We can be lazy."

"Lazy it is." Jax relents. "But first, do you want your present?"

"My present?" Tara's eyes snap open and she rolls over to grin at him. "Yes, I want it right now."

"Ok, ok." Laughing, Jax reaches behind him and pulls out a long, thin box wrapped in dark blue paper. "Here you go."

"What could it be?" She rattles in gently, grinning and sitting up straight. Jax remains where he is, sitting and watching her with a small smile. She rips the paper, then carefully lifts the gift out.

"Do you like it?" Jax asks eagerly and she nods, beaming. It's a long chain of picture frames, each containing one of her and Jax- them laughing on the back of his bike, kissing each other on the beach, smiling while getting ice cream, drunkenly hanging off each other at a party. Each a little memory of the nearly two years that they've spent together.

"It's perfect." Tara inspects the pictures, smiling. "Did Donna develop these or what?"

"Of course." Jax doesn't bother to be affronted. "Whole thing was her idea actually, if you can believe it."

"I can believe it." Tara chuckles, then gets out of bed and wanders around her room, looking for a good spot to hang the frames. She decides on the space beside her mirror, where she can see them every day, as she gets ready. She turns, clasping her hand, the question already in her eyes.

"Give me a nail and hammer." Jax says, groaning and rolling off the bed. "And I'll hang it up."

"Thanks!" Beaming, Tara disappears to go get the tools.

"There." Jax stands back, admiring his handiwork. The frames hang at eye height. Tara grins, wrapping her arms around Jax from behind tightly.

"I love you." She mutters and he turns so he can smile down at her, tossing the hammer onto her bed so he can hold her close.

"I love you too birthday girl." He says sweetly. "Now do you want some breakfast? I'm thinking waffles."

"Yes please." She follows him into the kitchen. After breakfast, they shower and get ready. Tara's blow-drying her hair when the phone rings. She shuts the blow dryer off, dashing to the living room to answer it. "Hello?"

"Happy birthday!" Donna yells and Tara flinches, holding the phone away from her ear.

"Thank you." She says, once Donna quiets. "Jax and I are just getting ready, do you want to come with us to lunch?"

"Sure." Donna says happily. "Where do you want to go? The diner? Pizza? Chinese? Mexican?"

"Let's do Mexican." Tara decides, shaking out her still damp hair. "Is that ok with you guys?"

"Doesn't matter." Donna scoffs. "It's your birthday Tara, you get to pick. You want Mexican, we get Mexican!"

"Ok." Tara grins at Jax when he wanders it, glancing at her curiously. "We'll meet you at Carlos in twenty?"

"Sure, see you then!" Donna says happily, hanging up.

"We're going to Carlos?" Jax asks quizzically.

"With Donna and Opie for my birthday lunch." Tara explains and Jax nods thoughtfully.

"You gave us twenty minutes till we go, right?" He asks and Tara frowns a little bit, nodding.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I have another birthday gift." Jax says micheviously and before Tara can ask what's going on, he flips her over his shoulder and carries her back to her bedroom.

"Jax!" She laughs as he throws her down on her bed, yanking his shirt off while grinning. "We'll be late."

"It's your birthday." He says, shrugging. "They'll have to forgive you."

"Told you we'd be late." Tara hisses to Jax, as they walk into the restaurant 35 minutes later.

"Look, we're not late at all." Amused, Jax points to Opie and Donna, just now pulling in on their bike.

"They would've been late." Tara frowns as Opie parks the bike and Donna hops off, flustered.

"Hi- have you guys been waiting long?" She asks quickly.

"Yes." Tara says instantly. "Where were you guys?"

"Home." Donna's cheeks go pink. "Uh, busy."

"Out of curiosity, are you two trying to have a kid?" Jax quips and Opie shoves him, then opens the door for the girls, ushering them inside while Jax chuckles and follows after them.

"Four please." Tara smiles at the waitress, who leads them back to a booth. They slide in, ordering waters, before looking about.

"What else are you going to do today?" Opie asks Tara, who shrugs.

"I just want ice cream." She says and Donna consults the menu.

"Why not fried ice cream?" She suggests.

"Before we even eat our meal?" Opie says, amused and Donna gives him an innocent look.

"That way you know you have room for it." She says logically and Tara nods at the point.

"Hi, what can I get you all today?" Their waitress asks cheerfully and Tara cuts them all off.

"We'll take fried ice cream with honey. 4 spoons. We'll have it first, if we could." She requests and a little surprised, the waitress nods.

"Sure. Do you want other things?" She asks slowly.

"Yes." Jax says hastily. "I'll have the steak burrito, extra cheese, double side of rice, no beans."

"Jesus Christ." Tara looks at him in surprise. "How do you afford to feed yourself?" He grins, shrugging.

"That's why Gemma and Clay made him get a job." Opie informs them. "I'll have the grande enchilada, thanks."

"Fish tacos please, soft shell." Donna smiles prettily.

"And vegetarian fajitas for me, thanks." Tara hands the waitress their menus and she nods.

"Sure, I'll get that ice cream off to you as soon as I can." Still looking a little bewildered, she disappears.

"Girls are weird." Jax shakes his head.

"Because we like ice cream?" Donna raises an eyebrow.

"Because you like ice cream before you even eat your food." Jax corrects and Tara shrugs.

"It's my birthday." Tara states and Jax falls silent, unable to argue with that. When the ball of ice cream and honey arrives, the girls dig into it with gusto, knocking away Jax and Opie's spoon when they try to get their own bites.

"Well, that was delicious." Donna declares, once they're done eating and the waitress has cleared away their plates.

"Ugh, but too much." Tara leans back, rubbing her belly with a pained expression. "I need to walk that off."

"Why don't we walk the downtown main street?" Donna suggests. "There're some shops we could look in."

"Fine, anything so I stop feeling like my pants are going to burst." Tara agrees, sliding out of the booth as Jax leaves a couple bills on the table and loops his arms with Tara's.

"Let's go then." They walk outside, wandering down the street in the bright sunlight, stopping in a shoe store and a little antique store. Then they stop, looking up at a sign for a tattoo parlor.

"Hey, I could get one of these now." Tara jokes lightly, and Jax stops in his tracks, head tilted slightly.

"They hurt." Opie deadpans, his forearm already dark with ink.

"If you don't want one, I do." Jax says slowly, glancing between Tara and Opie. "You guys wanna do it?"

"Get tattoos?" Donna raises an eyebrow. "I'm good, thanks. I'll get my kids names on me, but that's it."

"What one are you going to get?" Tara asks Jax and he simply opens the door to the shop for them.

"Hey." A tall man, broad and thickset, looks up from his station, cleaning. "Jax, Opie, how are you guys?"

"Hey Duke, pretty good." Jax steps aside, revealing Tara and Donna. "These are our girlfriends, Tara and Donna."

"Hello." Donna says brightly, while Tara gives him a nod.

"Hi." He gives them a little smile and then turns to Jax. "You finally here to get that ink?"

"Yeah." Jax grins and hops on the table. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"What is it?" Tara asks, peeking over Duke's shoulder as he pulls a design from his drawer.

"Look and see." Duke hands it to her and Tara inspects it. The words 'In Memory Of' curve over a moonlight graveyard, with a gravestone baring the name 'John Teller'. At the bottom, a scroll proclaims 'Fallen Brothers'. When Duke applies it, it covers nearly all of Jax's forearm.

"When did you pick this?" She asks quietly.

"Awhile ago." Jax answers, watching Duke ready his tattoo gun instead of looking at Tara.

"Why haven't you gotten it till now?" Tara presses and he looks at her, shrugging. "Everyone else has tattoos."

"I know, but I want mine to be special, you know?" They both watch as Opie doodles his next tattoo, grinning when Donna demands to know if it's going to be her, naked. "Meaningful."

"Yeah, I get that." Tara sits beside Jax and offers him her hand as Duke pauses the needle above Jax's skin, glancing at him.

"Ready?" He asks and Jax nods.

"Let's do it."

Tara watches in fascination as the tattoo gun forces ink into Jax's skin, the design appearing slowly. Jax, for the most part, doesn't seem to be bothered by the pain, laughing and joking with them. When it's done, Duke wipes away the blood and excess ink.

"There you go." He says proudly and Tara stares in awe at the still raw tattoo. Jax examines it in a mirror, grinning.

"This is great." He mutters. "Duke, it's perfect."

"Thanks." Duke grins and turns back to Opie. "So are you getting one today or what, Winston?"

"Yup." Opie takes the spot in the chair, showing him his crude design. "We're doing this, right on my chest."

"You got it man." Duke goes to work up a stencil while Opie pulls his shirt off and Donna shakes her head, smiling.

"Draw one up for me." Tara says suddenly, looking at Jax. He turns to her, speechless.

"What?" He asks, once he's found his voice.

"A tattoo. Draw one up for me." Tara orders and Jax raises his eyebrows but leads her to sit.

"Of?" He asks and Tara smiles, lacing their fingers together.

"Something for us." She says impulsively. "Something to remind me of good things, of happy things."

"Alright." Jax grabs a binder of designs, flipping through them. Tara does as well, with a critical eye. "This?"

"No, I hate roses." Tara dismisses that with a wave of her hand. "And I don't want any stars or dolphins or shit like that."

"Ok, fine." Grinning, Jax keeps looking. "How about this?"

"No." Tara says firmly. "I don't like Chinese characters."

"Ok, ok." Jax flips a couple page, then stops, and points to a design. "What about this one?"

"What is it?" Tara flips the binder so she can get a better look. It's a crow, wings stretched. Tara glances at Jax, who looks at little apprehensive. "Oh. Actually, I like it."

"Really?" Jax breaks into a grin. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's pretty." Tara reviews the design again, smiling. "I think I should add a heart here though."

"Why?" Jax questions.

"Because you hold my heart." Tara says quietly and Jax pulls her into a tight hug, kissing her head.

"This'll be my other birthday present to you." He reveals and Tara beams. Donna overhears and looks up sharply.

"Are you getting a tattoo?" She demands and Tara nods, grinning. "What are you getting?"

"This." Tara holds up the crow design and Opie, head raised as Duke works on his chest, nods in approval.

"That's cool." He says, laying back down.

"Where are you going to get it?" Donna asks and Tara pausing, having not thought that far.

"My back, I suppose." She says slowly. "That way I can always hide it when I'm wearing clothes."

"I like it." Donna says, nodding.

"I'll sketch it up when I'm done with this." Duke comments, and Tara nods, butterflies rising up.

"Does it hurt?" She asks Jax nervously.

"No." He assures her, squeezing her hand. "Plus, you're tough as nails Tara. You'll be fine."

* * *

"You liars." Tara mutters, her head buried in her arms. "This does hurt, it fucking hurts!"

"Don't be a baby." Opie waves his hand, still admiring his newest tattoo. "Grit your teeth and get over it."

"Easy for you to say!" Tara accuses. "You're this massive hulking human, pain doesn't touch you! I am a small girl."

"Tara, you gotta stop moving so much." Duke says, lifting the tattoo gun. "Or I'm going to mess up lines."

"Sorry." Tara grumbles, putting her head back down. Clucking, Donna runs her hands over Tara's hair.

"You're ok." She says soothingly. "It'll be over soon."

"Not soon enough." Tara's voice is muffled, but the vengeance in it makes Opie and Jax grin.

"Ok Tara, I promise, you're done." Duke rolls backwards and Tara, wincing, slides off the table. "Take a look."

"Let's see." Donna encourages and Tara turns so they can see her back. The crow, wings outstretched, holding a tiny red heart, bits of dark navy blue in the wingtips, takes up most of her lower back.

"It looks good." Jax compliments, kissing her cheek. "Do you like it?"

"I'll like it a lot more when it doesn't feel like my back had rug burn all over it." She mutters crabbily, before heading to the mirror to admire Duke's handiwork. "But it does look good."

"Glad to know my work is appreciated all around." Duke says, leading Jax and Opie to the counter to pay.

"Think it looks good?" Tara asks Donna quietly, who grins and nods.

"It looks so bad ass." She throws her arm over Tara's shoulder. "And you can show it off tonight at your party!"

 **AN:** No idea if 16 year olds could get tattoos in Cali without parent consent, but it was the 90's so... Leave me reviews?


	51. Cupcakes and Catfights

It's a strange thing, Tara thinks, to be at a party that's being held in her honor, where most of the people there couldn't point her out in a lineup if they tried. It's still sweet of Jax though, to do something for her in the best way he knows how. And she's beginning to like these parties, she really is.

"Hey, Tara." David Hale is suddenly standing before her, with a shy smile, disturbing her thoughts.

"Hey, David." Tara smiles at him, setting her drink on the coffee table and scooting over on the couch to make room for him.

"Uh, happy birthday." He suddenly produces a cupcake from behind his back and Tara looks at it in surprise.

"Oh." She takes it hesitantly, opening the plastic packaging and looking at the red velvet cupcake with a bit of confusion. "Thank you? How'd you know it was my birthday?"

"Isn't this whole thing for you?" He looks around in confusion and Tara nods, slowly.

"Yeah, but I didn't think anyone would know that."

"Oh, well." He gives a little shrug then looks at the cupcake nervously. "Do you like red velvet?"

"Uh, sure." Tara snaps the lid back in place. She doesn't, prefers chocolate, but Donna might, so she'll put it in the fridge to keep. She goes to stand and Hale tries to help, putting a hand on her lower back and she hisses in pain.

"Sorry." He says instantly and she waves a hand.

"No, no worries. It's just, new tattoo, still fresh and raw." She explains, with a little smile.

"Oh." He seems surprised by this revelation. "I didn't know you had a tattoo. What is it, can I ask?"

"Sure." With a smile, Tara lifts up her shirt and shows off the tattoo. He inspects it for a second then looks at her with barely concealed horror.

"Did Jax make you get that?" He asks her lowly and she furrows her brow in confusion.

"No, I wanted it." She says slowly, taking a step backwards. "I wanted to get it, I like it."

"Are you sure?" There's a look of pity in his eyes now and it's riling her up, making the crease between her eyebrows deepen.

"Yes." She says firmly. "Thanks for the cupcake." Then she leaves him in the living room, mouth opening and closing aimlessly. She tosses the cupcake on the counter as she heads to the backyard, looking for Jax. He's easy to spot, center of attention with a huge group of guys. "What are they doing?" Tara asks the girl next to her, who's watching the group to amusement.

"Best I can tell, they're going to try to blow stuff up." She explains and Tara gives a little sigh.

"Wouldn't surprise me. That's Opie's area of expertise." She says thoughtfully and the girl glances at her.

"You know him?"

"He's Jax's best friend." A small smile curves the corners of Tara's lips. "I'm Jax's girlfriend."

"Oh." The girl manages to conceal her disbelief after a moment and Tara gives her a smile and saunters off, squeezing through the crowd until she's next to Jax, slipping her hand into his.

"Hi." She whispers and he turns to grin at her.

"Hey. Watch, Opie's gonna try to blow this up." He explains and Tara watches, mildly unimpressed, as Opie rigs up firecrackers and more.

"You know sometimes I wonder what his childhood was like to make him so fascinated with explosives." Tara says calmly. "But then I look at you two and I remember."

"Hey," Jax grins at her. "Some people call this science."

"I call that an excuse." Tara remarks dryly, then subtly moves behind back as Opie pulls a lighter from his back pocket.

"It's for your birthday." Jax informs her and a moment later, the sky is alight with bright colors and fire and Tara watches it with a small grin.

"Aw, I should've done something cool like making fireworks spell out your name or something." Opie spots her and grins once it's all over. Tara pretends to be affronted.

"You should've." She says, turning her nose up and Opie laughs, pulling her into a rough hug.

"Happy birthday." He says affectionately and Tara peeks up at him from under her eyelashes, grinning.

"Hey, thanks. Want another beer?" She offers.

"If you're making a run, I'll take a new one." Jax calls and she shakes her head, clucking.

"My birthday and I'm the one making the beer run. Pitiful." She teases and Jax grabs her, swinging her in for a long, deep kiss.

"Are you requesting I spoil you today?" He mutters and she laughs. "Because I will, Tara Grace."

"You spoil me every day, you know that." She taps his nose and skips away, face warm with happiness and a good, strong buzz. She nearly runs into Donna in the kitchen, who's got a peeved expression on her face, running her arm under the cold sink water.

"You know what never fails to astound me?" She says thoughtfully and Tara raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"That people think girls are the fairest sex, that we're delicate little angels, made up off fairy dust and butterfly kisses." Donna snarls and Tara just tilts her head quizzically until Donna sighs and shows Tara her dripping inner arm, where three angry red slash run parallel.

"What the hell?" Tara demands and Donna opens the freezer to grab a large bag of peas.

"I broke up a fight between Mandy G and Raquel K." She wipes her forearm dry before slapping the peas on it. "Bitch had nails six inches long. Think these are gonna get infected?"

"Did she break skin?" Tara inspects the damage, noting that the skin is irritated but not bleeding. "You might be ok but I'll keep an eye on it. What were they fighting over?"

"Who knows?" Donna rolls her eyes. "At this point I wouldn't be surprised if it was over a beer or the last donut. Girls are ruthless. And guys think they're the scary, vicious ones."

"Oh, hey," Tara spins and grabs the cupcake from where she'd thrown it. "Want this?"

"Oh, yeah, who got that for you?" Donna grins and nods. Tara opens it for her, since she's down a hand, holding the peas to her arm.

"Hale."

"Seriously?" Donna takes the cupcake from her with a disgusted expression, button nose wrinkled.

"Yeah and then he weirdly judged my tattoo so I left and went to find Jax. He and Op are blowing stuff up." Tara says then pauses as another loud bang echoes from the backyard.

"Of course they are." Donna rolls her eyes then takes a bite of the cupcake. "And fuck him, your tattoo is awesome. I wish I was half as ballsy to get one, it just looks like it hurts so bad!"

"Oh it doesn't." Tara waves a hand, grabbing a couple beers for the guys. "You're just a big baby."

"Watch it birthday girl." Donna warns, with a sparkle of mirth in her eyes. "I was there, I know you hated it. I've sorted out one catfight tonight, I'm not scared to get into another."

"I think I could take you." Tara teases back and Donna is yelling good-naturedly as Tara disappears out the door.

"Thanks. Where's Donna?" Opie asks, when she hands him his.

"Inside. Got gouged pretty good in a girl fight apparently." Tara explains and only mildly alarmed, he heads for the cabin.

"A catfight and we missed it?" Some guy calls. "Aw man where's the fun at this party?"

"Should I tell them that yours are better?" Jax mutters in her arm and she keeps a remarkably straight face.

"I don't fight." She says demurely, dipping her head. "I win."

"I taught you." Jax leans back and looks at her imploringly. "Everything you know, right?"

"Oh, everything." Tara grins and kisses him.

"Thought so." He mutters back, winding a hand into her hair. He's kissing her again when someone smacks his knee and he pulls back. Tara glares at the intruder then breaks into a smile.

"Shea!" She leaves Jax's lap to pull the girl into a tight hug. Shea groans and hugs her back, swaying to keep her balance.

"Hey there birthday girl." She lets go of Tara and looks at her. "How is your special day?"

"It's good, it's good. What are you doing here?" Tara asks, with breathless excitement.

"Jax called." Shea shrugs. "Said it was your birthday, if I made the trip, I should stop by to see you."

"Sorry to inconvenience you." Tara rolls her eyes before looking around. "Wait, where's Claire?"

"Oh, you know." Shea gives an evasive shrug. "Back home."

"Home?" Jax glances at her with raised eyebrows and a closed expression. "Where is home for you now?"

"Not sure." Shea gives a roll of her shoulders, cracking her neck. "Maybe Charming for a little bit."

"Is Claire coming to join you?" Tara presses and Jax suddenly puts a hand on her waist.

"Hey, you should go tell Donna and Op that Shea's here." He encourages. "Bring them out."

"Ok." Unbothered, Tara kisses his cheek and flits off, both Shea and Jax watching her. The second she's out of earshot, Jax turns to Shea.

"Alright, what's the deal?" He demands, folding his arms and Shea inspects her nails, pretending to be impassive.

"On what?"

"You and Clarie broke up." Jax states, not a question and Shea closes her eyes briefly, sighing.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I've never seen a functional relationship between two straight people, let alone a gay one." She snaps. "Because I'm too much like my parents, and monogamy isn't my strong suit? Because even if I loved her more than anything, which I did, I couldn't stop myself from getting drunk and kissing other girls in bars. Sound familiar?"

"No." Jax shifts uncomfortably.

"Yes it does." Shea's gaze is piercing. "It's because of our stupid ridiculous family members that we're so fucked up, you know it is, and it ruined Claire. She wanted happy, safe, sweet, and I couldn't settle, I couldn't stop, I couldn't…" She trails off, biting back tears.

"Hey." Jax pulls her into a hug, letting her turn her head into his neck to hide her cries. "Hey, it's ok."

"I'm sorry." Shea pulls herself away, wiping her cheeks, struggling to pull on her aloof girl mask again. "Thought I should just come home for a bit. Can't fuck things up any worse here can I?" She gives a weak chuckle and Jax pats her shoulder tenderly.

"Well, you're always welcome to hang out here with us. The girls will be happy to have you around for a little bit, I know they will." Jax reassures her and a moment later Donna yells,

"Shea!"

"Hey." Shea turns, looking untroubled, to accept a hug from Donna. "Whoa, what happened to your arm?"

"A little fight." Donna waves a hand. "Nothing, I handled it."

"Ok." Shea laughs. "Well, I think I should have a drink. Op, a crown and sprite please."

"One for me too please." Tara calls, as the trio heads for the alcohol. Tara hangs back, with a pointed look that Jax should do the same. He takes a drink of his beer and then Tara rounds on him. "So?"

"So?" He blinks balefully.

"What's wrong with Shea?" She demands pointedly and he takes a deep breath. "I can tell she's upset."

"Nothing, she just needed a little break from it all. Wanted to come home to Charming." He says, lying with ease. Tara narrows her eyes then finally wrinkles her nose.

"She is crazy." She decides then lets Jax slip his arms around her shoulders. "Ok, let's go, Opie owes me a drink."

The party hits its peak when there's a twenty-person scuffle in the front yard. Tara, Donna, and Shea sit on the front steps and watch, unimpressed, as Jax and Opie emerge from the tangle, unhurt, grinning. After that, things start to die down and Jax nudges Tara towards their bedroom.

"We should make sure no one is dead." Tara nudges a young boy, passed out on the floor, a puddle of beer leaking out from the can by his chest.

"Everyone's fine." Jax says bracingly. "Don't worry."

"You know, I wonder how many kids have been conceived at one of these parties." Tara says thoughtfully and Jax snorts with laughter, pulling his shirt off and tossing it to her.

"Probably enough to create a small army. Who knows, maybe our very own godchild is being conceived right now." With a grin, Jax bangs on the wall. The thumping from the other side pauses briefly then resumes at a faster and louder. Tara just sighs heavily.

"They're unbelievable."

"Sure they are, but they're ours." Jax reminds her and she can't protest at that, squirming out of her clothes.

"That they are."

"Hey, how's the tattoo feel?" He asks her, catching her wrist and spinning her around so he can lift the tee shirt up and inspect her lower back. It's still a little tender, but Tara shrugs.

"Fine. Someone touched it and that hurt, but it's fine now." She tells him and his eyes narrow.

"Someone touched you?" He growls and she waves a dismissive hand quickly, patting his cheek.

"An accident. Trying to get past me for the bathroom." She invents, sure that wherever Hale is, he doesn't need a furious Jax beating him for touching her. She doesn't dare bring up the cupcake.

"Gonna be puke to clean up somewhere tomorrow?" He goes from fury to annoyance in the blink of an eye and Tara relaxes.

"I'm sure." It's not a lie when she knows that no matter what, someone will have vomited somewhere and they're be charged with cleaning it up. It's a given for these nights.

"Gross." Jax passes her to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Tara watches him for a moment.

"How does yours feel?" She asks and he glances down at the fresh ink on his arm then gives a one-shouldered shrug. He spits and rinses out his mouth, then produces lotion from the cabinet.

"Good. We should put some of this on though." He squeezes a glob into his palm and gestures her to turn. She does, hoisting the shirt up again. Jax gently rubs the lotion over the tattoo and the cool feeling soothes it. When he's done with her, she puts the shirt back down and turns. Jax is applying lotion to his own tattoo, in nothing but his boxers.

"Hey, thanks for a great birthday." Tara whispers and he looks up with a grin. "I had fun."

"Yeah?" He looks pleased with himself. "Me too. It was a good party. And Shea even came!"

"Yeah," Tara mutters, keeping her comments to herself. "Shea came. How long is she going to be here for?"

"No idea, especially with Shea." He hesitates, not sure how much he should tell and keep from her. "She has this tendency to kind of come and go when she wants, you know?"

"Yeah, I gathered that from the way she drops in once every six months." Tara says dryly and they both climb into bed.

"I can relate though." Jax tells her, turning the lamp off and plunging them into darkness.

"To what?" Tara frowns and there's a brief struggle as they try to find a way to get close to each other and cuddle without hissing in pain when still sensitive tattoos are brushed. Tara winds up switching to the other side of the bed, away from Jax's arm. She lays on her stomach rather than her back and they both quiet before Jax answers her question.

"Shea gets up and goes, whenever she wants." He explains, quietly. "Whenever she gets the desire to go, she does."

"And you relate to that." Tara says softly and Jax is silent for a long moment, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Are you mad that I do?"

"Of course not." Tara glances up at him in the darkness with a frown. "I get it too, a little bit."

"You'd like to be able to just get up and go?" Jax looks down at her with surprise. He'd never pegged Tara to have a wandering soul.

"No," She struggles to get out the right words. "But I'd like it if I could travel, you know, or at least see some of the world. I like being home but I do want to leave Charming, you know. Eventually."

"Yeah, me too." Jax tightens his one arm around her. "I think we should go to a rally or something. Get out of Charming for a little bit, you know? We could do that this summer."

"A rally?" Tara turns her face up to him and he nods.

"Club goes, sometimes."

"Oh." The idea of going somewhere with the club, with Gemma and Clay, stops Tara short.

"You don't want to?" He asks, correctly understanding her tone.

"We can talk about it later." Tara mimes a loud, entirely fake yawn. "I'm sleepy, let's go to bed."

"Goodnight, I love you." Jax kisses her forehead. "And happy birthday. I hope it was a good day."

"It was." Tara whispers, closing her eyes. "I love you too."

 **AN:** Reviews are sunshine and unicorn toots for writers, y'all.


	52. Still Waters

"Hey." Shea wakes her up with a hard poke to the side. Tara grumbles a protest, trying to roll away.

"What time is it?" She mutters.

"7:30 am, now let's go." Shea pokes her again, harder, and Tara rolls over to glare.

"Go where? How the hell did you get in my house?" She demands.

"I stole Jax's key." Shea informs her, as if it should be obvious. "Now let's go."

"Where are we going?" Tara stays in her bed, refusing to move, so Shea huffs and gets up, exploring her room.

"I don't know, the mall or wherever it is you want to go." Shea waves a hand. "But I'm bored. I want to do something."

"Shea," Tara tries to keep her tone patient. "Has anyone ever mentioned that you may have an attention disorder?"

"Yeah, a couple teachers in middle school." Shea inspects a picture of Tara and her mother. "Why?"

"No reason." With a groan, sensing that Shea isn't going to disappear and leave her to sleep, Tara sits up. "Alright, what's up?"

"I'm bored." Shea opens a drawer, pulling out an oversized tee-shirt of Jax's. "And I'm sick of the club and I'm sick of Jax and Opie and I'm sick of being alone, so I think I need to hang out with you."

"Why me?" Tara tries to keep the pleading tone out of her voice, but Shea's too busy pulling apart the Russian nesting dolls on the bookshelf to notice.

"We can do whatever you want." Shea concedes. "I just need to get out, you know? I'm starting to feel trapped."

"Trapped." Tara repeats, rolling out of bed. For a second, she's standing and Shea is sitting on the floor. It gives her a strange perspective, looking down at her like she's a child, though Shea is older.

"Yeah." Shea ducks her head so her hair covers her face, fiddling with the dolls. "Like I need to run again."

"You've been home two weeks." Tara says, bemused, and Shea says nothing, just looks at her with wide eyes. "Ok, fine, let me eat something at least."

"Ok!" Shea grins, cobbling the dolls back together. Tara sighs, rubs her eyes, and heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Once she's done, tied her hair into a bun, and had toast, she turns to face Shea. "So what do you want to do?" Shea asks her brightly and Tara holds back a smile.

"I don't care. You're the one who woke me up bright and early for an adventure." She says easily and Shea slaps her knees, standing.

"I've got the best idea." She declares. "You got closed toed shoes on?"

"Yes?" Tara glances at her sneakers then at Shea. "Are we going to a chemistry lab?"

"Better." Shea gives her a wicked grin then pulls her out the door.

"Should I tell Jax where I'm going?" Tara pauses in the door and Shea rolls her eyes.

"No." She says firmly. "He's at work. If you're really worried I'm trying to kidnap you, we can stop by the garage on the way out of town."

"Let's do that." Tara grins at her and Shea mutters something darkly, but slides into her slightly banged up car. She pulls into the garage a few minutes later and Tara hops out, trying to ignore the clubhouse and instead head for the garage. Shea follows at a leisurely pace.

"Hey." Gemma appears from the doorway of the office, eyes narrowed, look cutting Tara to the bone.

"Hi." Tara stops dead in her tracks, eyes wide. Not a moment later, Shea breezes past her.

"Gemmy, do you need help for family supper this weekend?" Shea drawls, diverting Gemma's attention to her with rather startling ease.

"No, sweetheart, I'm ok." Gemma tears her eyes off her and looks at Shea, face softening. "How you settling in at your dad's place?"

"Things in the fridge can move, but I'm alright, I guess." Shea draws Gemma into the office, glancing over her shoulder at Tara with a pointed look. Tara scurries into the garage, on the lookout for Jax. He finds her, eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"Tara." He reaches out to touch her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She smiles to reassure him. "I just wanted to let you know that Hurricane Shea is taking me on a little day trip, and to not worry if I'm not home when you're done with work."

"Ok." Jax chuckles, shaking his head. "Have fun."

"What?" Tara asks, unnerved.

"Nothing." Jax insists, kissing her cheek. "It's just if you think that I have trouble sitting still, you can't even imagine what it's like with her. I'll have an ice bath and a strong drink waiting for you at home."

"Should I be worried?" Tara wonders and he gives her an affectionate smack on the butt.

"Have fun, see you later!" He disappears under a car and she weaves back towards the office, pausing where hopefully Shea can see her but Gemma won't be able to.

"Ok, I gotta go." Shea stands, kissing Gemma's cheek. "But I'll come over tonight, I promise."

"We should go grocery shopping. You're getting skinny." Gemma grabs Shea's shoulders and shakes her just slightly. "Too skinny."

"I've always been scrawny." Shea tries to wave a hand. "No big deal."

"So what are you doing?" Gemma's voice carries out the open door.

"Tara and I are going to go bond."

"See if you can dig up some dirt on Miss Prissy." Gemma says dryly.

"Nope." Shea says firmly but cheerfully. "See you later Gemmy!"

"Bye darling." Gemma watches her leave, eyes darkening when she sees Tara hovering in the doorway.

"C'mon." Shea takes her hand and drags her towards the car. Tara waits till they're out of earshot before rounding on her.

"Are you just hanging out with me so you and Gemma can ridicule me later?" She demands and Shea rolls her eyes.

"No, that's just Gemma being protective mom. I'm hanging out with you because I like to. I promise I won't even ask you anything, we can talk about me the whole time if you don't trust me. But where we're going, I don't think we'll need words." She declares, turning the radio up louder as she peels out onto the street, rolling the windows down.

"Are you going to murder me?" Tara demands, entirely serious, and Shea just grins at her, hair blowing in the wind. When they arrive at a dirt parking lot at the edge of the forest a decent ways out of town, Tara isn't reassured.

"Oh stop." Shea catches the look on her face as she turns the car off. "I'm not going to kill you. This would be a stupid place to hide a body."

"And where is?" Tara mutters and Shea looks thoughtful. "No, stop, wait, I don't want to know."

"Well, I did promise I'd answer questions." Shea says sunnily, grabbing a backpack from the backseat.

"Where are we?" Tara asks, spotting a small opening in the trees.

"Hiking trails." Shea sets out for the opening. "I use to come here when I was in school, or cutting it at least. Wander around. Now I know it like the back of my hand. So I promise you, no murdering or abandoning. Trust me?" She turns to Tara and extends her hand, eyes twinkling.

"Fine." Tara takes it with a sigh. "But only because I trust that Jax would be annoyed if you killed or lost me."

"He would." Shea agrees and then they're out of the bright sunlight and into the cool shade of the trees, she relaxes and looks at the beauty around her.

They hike for a long while is silence, stepping over downed branches and exposed roots, quietly nudging each other to point out squirrels, rabbits, and birds. Then, they round a bend in the trail and a large tree has fallen, crashing across the path, splintered and fragmented.

"Oh, we'll have to go a different way." Tara says, going to turn around.

"No we won't." With a wiggle, Shea is clambering over the tree. "C'mon."

"Oh boy." With a grunt, Tara heaves herself up onto the tree, scrambling for purchase. Shea, without looking back, offers her hand to Tara and she takes it, letting Shea pull her up.

"Trust me, it'll be worth it." Shea is already sliding down the tree to the other side of the path, landing crouched. Tara tries to mirror her, the jolt shocking her knees.

"It better." Tara mutters, a little darkly and Shea grins, pulling her along. A few minutes later, the trails flattens out and after a couple feet, spits them out on the beach of a small lake, still and tranquil. Tara gasps despite herself.

"Worth it?" Shea questions smugly, knowing the answer, and Tara just opens and closes her mouth wordlessly. "Thought so. This is my spot. Was my spot? Whatever. Here, want some water?"

"Yeah." Tara kicks off her shoes and socks, then runs headlong into the water, making Shea shout in surprise.

"I meant to drink!"

"This is better." Tara beams, seeing the tiny fish scatter when she splashes. "This place is amazing!"

"Yeah," Shea sits on the shore with her water bottle. "Only place that doesn't make me feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin, you know?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Tara asks hesitantly and Shea nods, rummaging in her bag for snacks. "Why do you feel that way? Why do you feel like you need to constantly be running?"

"Always have." Shea says easily. "Since I was a kid. Hated school, hated home, hated everything. Still do. Just trying to find a place where I don't hate it all, you know?"

"Sort of." Tara lets the water and dirt settle, the fish slowly coming back. "I want to leave Charming too, but because there's a huge world out there, you know? And I've seen so little of it."

"Yeah, I've seen a lot of it." Shea reclines with a granola bar, looking up at the impossibly blue sky. "But seeing it and being comfortable with it, that's two different things."

"I don't have to be comfortable with it, I just want to see it." Tara says, her heart clenching. "I don't want to waste my life away."

"Yeah, but when you start doing all that traveling, sometimes you realize that you'd like to travel home." Shea says wisely and Tara is quiet. "I know it seems crazy, coming from the girl, who just, not ten seconds ago, was talking about not being comfortable here. But it's familiar. And sometimes, that's good enough."

"Familiar is drunk dads?" Tara asks, grinning when she feels the tiny fish nibbling at her toes.

"Familiar is Charming." Shea waves a lazy hand. "Nothing ever changes in Charming, not really. You can always trust that the club's going to be there, people are going to fuss and talk but accept that they do the dirty work, and that makes them valuable."

"Do the dirty work." Tara mutters, wiggling her toes to scare off the fish.

"Yeah." Shea kicks off her own shoes, laying down to sun herself. "Like keep drugs out, sort out the issues with guns instead of laws, and they do it a lot quicker than the police or mayor could, even if it's not legal. They keep Charming all bright and shiny for the good people, because they're the ones getting their hands dirty."

"Just not always what a girlfriend wants to hear about her boyfriend's club." Tara complains, hiking her shirt up. It's hotter in the sun, even with the cool lake water.

"Old lady, not girlfriend." Shea corrects and Tara frowns at her. Shea gestures for her to spin. "Nice tattoo."

"Oh." Tara drops her shirt to cover it. "That's nothing."

"Uh huh." Shea drops her head back down. "That's a crow. That's a symbol."

"It's not a brand." Tara says hotly. "Jax didn't ask me to put it on. I picked it. It's a crow because—"

"Because Jax is SAMCRO? And you are too, even if you don't want to admit it?" Shea points out and Tara's mouth snaps shut.

"It's pretty." She says mulishly.

"Very pretty." Shea agrees easily. "But you and I both know what it is. It's familiar, isn't it now?"

"No." Tara lies, thinking about the ring on her finger, that declares 'SON' loudly, all the tee-shirts and sweatshirts she wears, the emblem and symbol slowly becoming engrained with her.

"Familiar is comforting, even if it's not comfortable." Sage advice, and to complete the look, Shea pulls a joint from the backpack. "Want some?"

"I'm good, thanks." Tara says absentmindedly, swaying in the water, walking a couple steps deeper.

"Suit yourself." With a flick of the lighter, they fall into silence, Shea smoking on the beach and Tara wading in knee deep water, lost in their own thoughts.

Is she SAMCRO's or just Jax's? Is it possible to belong to one and not the other? She feels sometimes like she is a plain, white piece of paper and Jax is an explosion of colors, bleeding onto her and staining her with his hobbies, interests, and preferences.

She's not though, she knows she's Tara, fair and square, her own person. But Donna and Jax, even now Shea, are such overwhelming personalities, that sometimes it feels impossible not to just fade into them. She studies her reflection, feeling oddly detached from herself, like an imposter is wearing her skin and she's floating outside it, no way to figure out how to reconcile the girl in the water and her mind.

She wonders if this is how Shea feels all the time, ill at ease with who she sees and who she thinks she is, two conflicting parts that never quite correctly align. Tara, a strong willed young woman with a bright future, excellent student, side by side with Tara, a drinking, tattoo sporting old lady, confident on the back of a bike, cutting class to stay at home in bed with her boyfriend.

"Shea." She calls.

"Yeah?" Shea is on her second joint, words slow.

"When you look at yourself, who do you see in the mirror? And who do you hear in your head?" Tara wonders and Shea sits up, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"In the mirror, I see the girl who's always down for a good time, a freewheeling, happy go lucky spirit, who can hold her whiskey and has a weakness for blondes with killer legs and shy smiles." She declares and Tara smiles. "But in my head, I hear the scared little girl who's always questioning if she fits in, if she belongs. If she really wants to be there or if she should run for the next place. Who cannot hold onto love, because she simply does not know how."

"Things ended with Claire?" Tara guesses and Shea exhales lungs full of smoke.

"Not so much with a bang but a whimper." She closes her eyes. "Like they always do. I ran, cause it's easier to pretend to be Shea in the mirror than it is to someone who knows the voice in your head."

"Yeah." Tara lets them drift back into silence. "I get that."

They stay in the peaceful bubble of the lake awhile longer, before Tara's stomach rumbles and Shea has finished her joint. A little hesitantly, they acknowledge, wordlessly, that it's time to return to the real world. Tara glances over her shoulder at the lake and wishes desperately she was there to stay. Then it's gone, and they're back over the log, down the trail, out of the trees, and back into a warm car.

"Hey." Shea turns the car on, cranking up the cool air. "Thanks for taking the day to do that with me. I appreciate it. Some people wouldn't."

"It was nice." Tara admits. "I liked it, honestly."

"Good." Shea smiles as she puts the car in reverse. "And I promise not to tell Gemma about the tattoo. Even if it would make her like you more."

"Really?"

"God no. She'd rip your face off if she ever found out about that thing."

 **AN:** Because my last chapter was sad and I love Shea and this was pretty fun to write. Hey, reviews?


	53. Battle Plans

"Nose goes!" Donna yells when the phone rings inside the house and Tara groans, snapping her book shut, hoping up and running for the door. She catches it on the last ring, answering it breathlessly.

"Hello?"

"Hey, darlin'." She identifies Jax's drawl with ease. "How are you?"

"Good." Tara grabs a handful of grapes, popping one in her mouth. "Tanning and reading."

"In that blue suit I like so much?"

"Green, actually." Tara pulls at the fabric. "It's smaller, you know. Better for tanning."

"Want to saunter on over here in it?" He suggests. "Opie and I just got done with work, we were thinking supper in Stockton or Lodi or somewhere away. Take a nice long ride there."

"Sure." Tara grins. "Can I finish my chapter and then we'll be over?"

"Give us an hour." Tara negotiates, looking down at her book and skimming the next page.

"One chapter, Tara Grace, that means one!"

"Love you too." She hangs up and meanders back outside, flopping down on her towel.

"Who was that?" Donna asks, squinting at her in the bright sunlight.

"The boys." Tara reopens her book. "Want to go out to supper tonight. I'm finishing the chapter first."

"Why wait to finish the chapter?" Donna turns her face back up to the sun. "You can finish the book with an extra five minutes."

"Funny, sassy!"

Tara's finished three chapters when Donna finally drags her away. She protests, faintly, but then reads another one while Donna's in the shower. They pull on shorts and their biker boots, tossing tops back and forth, picking out what the other should wear. Finally, Donna rolls down the window her mother's aging station wagon, driving them for Jax's house.

"Is Gemma home?" Donna asks, parking across the street and eyeing the black car in the driveway.

"Apparently." Tara keeps her eyes peeled for Jax's bike, reassured when she spots it, between Opie's and Clay's.

"Oh." Donna clamps her mouth shut and hops out. "Well, let's go get our boys then."

"Yeah. Let's." Tara takes a deep breath, rolling her shoulders back, and preparing for battle. She walks in, trying to exude the aloofness and confidence she sees Shea channel whenever she's in Gemma's presence.

"Hello, Gemma. Clay." Donna says politely; when she opens the door and the two of them, seated at the table, turn to see who's there.

"Hello Donna." Gemma gives her a smile, which slides right off her face at the sight of Tara. "Tara."

"Gemma." Tara strives to keep a bright smile on her face. "Clay."

"Hey." He can't be distracted from the paper he's reading, to Tara's relief.

"What are you girls doing?" Gemma asks, directing it to Donna, which suits Tara fine.

"Dinner." Donna says happily. "Not sure where we're going."

"We'll decide when we get there." Jax declares, he and Opie striding in from the back of the house.

"I'm feeling steak." Opie declares, smiling at Donna and kissing her cheek. "With a big, baked potato on the side."

"Oddly, that does sound good." Donna says thoughtfully. "Jax, Tara, want to go get steak?"

"Sure." Tara agrees easily.

"Always." Jax says promptly, snaking an arm around Tara's waist. "Ready to go?"

"Yes please, I'll be starving by the time we get there." Donna complains and Jax grins, lifting his hand to his mother.

"Talk to you later ma!"

"Are you coming home tonight?" She asks, following them out the door.

"Probably not." Jax calls, leading Tara to his bike. "Probably stay with Tara."

"I see." Gemma's glaring at Tara now, daggers, and Tara wants to smirk right in her, declare that she's won, but she doesn't dare. Instead she hops on Jax's bike, arching her back so that her shirt rides up, and Gemma gets the flash of something dark and winged on her lower back. Then Jax roars down the street and Gemma is left to fume.

The ride is nice, the sun still high in the sky, days long. Tara enjoys the sun on her back, grinning and squeezing Jax's side when he rocks the bike, laughing. Opie leads the way, to one of his favorite steakhouses. Tara's stomach is rumbling when they pull in, striding into the little restaurant.

"Four?" The host asks, then leads them to a booth. They slide in, hardly glancing at the menu.

"So I have a question for you two." Tara states, musing over her dessert options.

"Yes?" Opie is gazing longingly at the steak on the front of the menu.

"Why don't you guys move out?" Tara questions and before they can answer, their waitress arrives, all smiles, asking them what they'd like to drink and eat. After ordering, Tara returns to her question, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, what?" Jax asks, looking up from the beer list.

"Why don't you get your own places?" Tara repeats. "So you don't live with your parents anymore."

"I thought we were all going to get a place together." Jax jokes and Donna purses her lips.

"Yeah, which starts with you two getting your own places." Tara points to the boys seriously.

"I've thought about it." Opie reveals calmly and Donna turns to him with a surprised expression.

"You have?"

"Sure." Opie reclines, unbothered. "Can't live with pops forever. Good to be close to keep an eye on him though. But eventually I'm going to have to get some space for just us."

"Us?" Donna squeaks and he grins.

"What, you think I can decorate on my own?"

"No, no one wants to see stripper posters plastered wall to wall." She says firmly, patting his hand.

"What about you, mama's boy?" Tara turns to Jax, who looks slightly affronted at his nickname.

"I am not!" He protests but when no one pips up to side with him, sighs. "I mean, she cooks my meals and cleans my room and washes my clothes. Why the hell would I give that up?"

"Self respect?" Tara says dryly. "Space from how overbearing she can be? Normal boundaries?"

"Oh, the sass comes out against my mother." Jax says, amused. "What else is there? Let it out."

"Thank you." Tara says graciously to the waitress who arrives with their various drinks.

"Of course, your food should be out in a bit." With a cheery smile, she bounces away and Tara pretends to have forgotten the topic of conversation preluding the distraction.

"Are we thinking dessert?"

"Tara." Jax nudges her with his foot. "Why do you think I should move out? You yelled at me when I brought up us living together."

"I did not yell." She huffs. "I strongly discouraged. And I stand by it, I don't think we should live together, because we already spend every minute together, but I think you need to get away from your mother. And Clay."

"I could stand to get away from how often they fuck." Jax says thoughtfully and everyone else grimaces.

"You just want him to move out so you stop having to face down Gemma every time you go over there." Donna states and Tara glares at her.

"Understandable." Opie adds, nodding in agreement.

"You are such a baby." Jax says affectionately. "So dramatic."

"And you're an oblivious idiot for thinking that your mother dislikes me or something small like that." Tara wrinkles her nose. "Jax, she hates me. Loathes me, strongly. Ask Shea!"

"Shea is almost as dramatic as you." Jax waves a hand. "And she's biased. She stirs up drama whenever she's home, just to prove she can."

"Shea's been home for like a month. Your mother has hated me since we started dating." Tara says flatly and now it's Jax's turn to pretend to be engrossed in the dessert menu.

"Pie sound good, anyone?"

* * *

They stop at a park on the way back so Jax and Opie can have a smoke. Tara lies down in the grass, the earth still warm from the day in the sun. A breeze gently tickles her nose, making her wrinkle it and smile. She's stuffed, smiling at she listens to Opie and Donna share a smoke, sitting on the picnic table and bickering about a hypothetical living room.

"No, you can put club stuff in the man cave, but not the living room or bedroom and that's final!"

"Hey." Jax flops down next to her, putting out his cigarette. "Were you serious earlier?"

"On what account?" Tara asks. "Because I meant it, that brownie explosion was the best dessert I have ever had."

"I trust that." He grins, wiping a bit of chocolate from the corner of her mouth. "I was talking about the apartment thing."

"Oh, of course I was serious about that." Tara says easily. "I think you should have your own place. I mean, you have your own job. You can afford it, easy. And then you'll have space from your mom when you need it."

"You'll have space from my mother when you need it." Jax corrects.

"And then I can scream as loud as I want during sex." Tara says slyly and grins when Jax groans.

"A good reason." He concedes, lying on his back to look at the stars with her. "And you could bring some stuff and stay there and eventually you'd give up the pretense of you living with your asshole, good for nothing dad and you'd just stay there all the time."

"Mhmm." Tara mutters, not bothering to deny something that will be a fact.

"Me and Op could look into it." Jax mulls it over and Tara holds back a victorious smile.

"Good." She strives to sound nonchalant, sitting up and glancing back at him. "Now c'mon, let's go home."

"Ok." Jax scrambles up with her and whistles to get the other two's attention. "Let's go!" They head back to Tara's, pausing when they see a light on inside.

"Did you leave that on?" Tara turns to ask Donna, who shakes her head.

"Not that I remember, no."

"My dad isn't home." Tara glances around at the lack of cars in her driveway.

"Wait outside." Jax orders and before Tara can question what's going on, he and Opie walk inside. "Damn it- Tara, Donna, it's just Shea." He yells and Tara pushes past him. Shea is sitting on the couch watching TV, eating a bowl of cereal.

"Hey." She says calmly. "I got bored. Gemma said you'd be here."

"How do you keep getting in?" Tara demands.

"It is not that hard to steal keys."

"Yes, but most people don't." Donna says patiently.

"Well, I'm not most people." Shea sets aside the bowl noisily, grinning. "Let's have ice cream."

"I don't have any." Tara warns her and Shea turns a baleful gaze to Jax.

"Aw, no." He complains. "No, we're not going to go on an ice cream run."

"What's my favorite kind?" Shea prompts him and he grumbles darkly,

"Mint chocolate ship."

"Yeah, it is. See you both in 15. Grab toppings!" She wiggles her fingers in a dainty wave.

"You're a royal pain in the ass." Jax makes sure to slam the door hard on his way out.

"First time I've ever heard that." Shea says, with heavy sarcasm. "So how was date night?"

"Well, I sure thought it was going to continue." Donna collapses onto the couch and Tara slowly joins them. "But I guess getting ice cream out of the deal wouldn't be too bad."

"I've been called a genius." Shea comments, changing the channel. Tara ignores the TV, instead glancing around at the small house, faintly dirty and cluttered with knick-knacks. She should do another purge soon, once her dad disappears even further into drinking.

"Planning your own apartment décor?" Donna teases, breaking Tara's train of thought.

"No." Tara pulls her attention away from a shelf full of dust and her mother's books to look at Shea and Donna.

"Are you moving out?" Shea asks curiously. "I'd like a roommate."

"You have an apartment?" Tara's attention is diverted to that, surprised.

"Well, no, but I should." Shea mutters. "Living with my dad makes me want to rip my hair out."

"An apartment, isn't that a little… Permanent?" Tara suggests carefully.

"Yes." Shea doesn't get defensive, but a little sad. "But maybe that's what I need right now."

"Ah." Tara pats her arm. "Well, Jax can live with you then. I'm trying to get him out from under Gemma's thumb."

"Seriously?" Shea leans back, looking at Tara in surprise and a little bit impressed. "You're trying to get Jax— Jackson Nathanial Teller— to move out? From Gemma Teller-Morrow's house?"

"Yes?" Tara says slowly.

"Damn." Shea lets out a low whistle, shaking her head, impressed. "Balls, Knowles, nice."

"What?" Tara tries to shove down the well of fear rising. "What? I just think that if Jax can drop out of high school and work full-time, he can move out of Gemma's house!"

"I'm not denying any of that!" Shea says hastily. "I'm just saying that you know how protective Gemma is. She's going to see this as a power move. Taking Jax one step further from her."

"I am suggesting Jax get his own apartment, not bombing Pearl Harbor." Tara states flatly. "I'm not trying to start a war with her. I'm just trying to convince Jax to act like the grownup everyone seems to think he is."

"No, you're not starting Pearl Harbor." Shea waves a hand. "You're just doing something similarly catastrophic, like shooting a Duke with a funny name or British redcoats."

"Jax was right." Tara gets up with a huff, heading to her bedroom. "You are a drama queen."

"Again, first time I've ever heard that." Shea says cheekily then turns to grin at Donna. "Do you like scary movies?"

When Jax and Opie come back, arms full of ice cream and toppings, the girls are curled around each other on the couch, intently watching a movie about witches and demons and the like.

"Can't we watch something good?" Jax complains.

"Sit down, shut up, pass the spoon." Shea orders, eyes not leaving the screen.

"All of you, ridiculous." Jax mutters, but does as told and Shea situates the ice cream where Donna and Tara can both easily reach it. They sit in Tara's living room, a breeze drifting through the open window, jumping and laughing, a tangle of limbs and sticky with ice cream.

 **AN:** I am writing all the fluff before the angst, I'm sorry... But hey, reviews?


	54. GTA

Tara doesn't realize that as the days get longer and hotter, Shea makes more and more sense. Tara had declared war on Gemma, and it's never more apparent than all the stares and dirty looks she receives. She tries to keep a mask on, be indifferent and aloof, but it's hard, especially when Gemma can turn so much of the town against her.

It's easier when she's got Jax, Donna, Opie, and Shea, even if it's exhausting to try to keep up with all of them. Jax and Shea feed off of each other, spurring each other to new heights of recklessness. Trying to keep them alive is a full-time task in and of itself. Shea requires constant activity and Jax provides it, leaving Tara scrambling in their wake, wondering what ramp they're launching scooters off of or if the trail of smoke in the sky is from them exploding something.

Worst is the parties. Tara has become accustomed to bailing them out of jail, blinking sleepy eyes and waving to Unser as he shuffles Jax and Shea, and occasionally Opie, to her waiting car. They can't stay out of trouble, snorting and giggling in the backseat as Tara navigates the dark streets home. But it's her they call, not Gemma, so she takes her small victories and stays quiet about them. The days of her calling Gemma when Jax gets taken to jail have long since passed.

Although, she reflects, watching Shea and Jax snort over a barely concealed flask, it might be nice sometimes to pass them off on someone else for five minutes.

"Being subtle isn't really their strong suit is it?" Donna mutters, reclining on the blanket next to Tara.

"It is not." Tara agrees, then waves for them to come sit. They collapse next to her, Jax pulling her in for a sloppy kiss.

"This is where I fell in love with you." He declares and Tara looks over the blanket and people, the smell of grass and popcorn, the darkening sky and the impending fireworks.

"Me too baby." She kisses him, tasting the whiskey but not caring.

"Gross." Shea complains, even as she makes herself comfy between the two couples. "Why do I have so many straight friends?"

"Because you come from a small town and refuse to stop annoying us." Opie deadpans and Shea flicks him in the ear then steals some of the popcorn.

"Don't be a party pooper Opie." She mumbles and he rolls his eyes, scooting Donna closer to him and turning his eyes skyward, waiting expectantly for the fireworks to start.

When they do, Tara leans back and rests her head on Jax's chest, humming in appreciation when he threads his fingers in her hair and gently starts tugging out the knots. She watches the explosions, smiling to herself when she reflects on how nice it is to watch fireworks instead of worrying about who's going to die when something goes wrong.

Jax presses kisses to the top of her head occasionally and they all ooh and ahh as the fireworks explode over them. Even Shea stays still for the majority of the show, eyes wide as she takes in the explosions. When the finale begins, Tara can't help but squeak and put her hands over her ears at the noise. Jax laughs, gathering her up in his arms.

"They seemed bigger when we were kids." Donna comments, when the last embers falls and the noise of a murmuring crowd rushes in to fill the silence.

"You were smaller." Opie reminds her, kissing her head.

"Not by much." Jax teases and Donna swats at him affectionately.

"So I'm short, find something new to give me shit about Teller."

"How about how you can't hold your liquor?" He tries and her eyes glint.

"It's a lie and you know it." She boasts.

"Alright then, first one to puke tonight wins." Shea declares.

"No!" Opie and Tara intervene in tandem.

"You guys never let us have any fun." Shea pouts.

"Only because we don't want you to die." Opie pats her arm sympathetically. "We're such awful humans."

"Doesn't matter, I'll just get drunk anyways." Shea bounds past them to the waiting truck. "And last one buzzed is a wimp!"

"You know she's going to be the death of us, right?" Tara asks Jax calmly.

"Yes, but what a death it'll be." Jax says poetically and Tara laughs, sliding into the backseat.

For once, the party isn't held at the cabin- it's in a big field outside of Charming, where police can't bust them and neighbors can't overhear them. Of course, that means the party has spilled out of a confined space, and two large bonfires are already blazing, trucks pulled around them, kids stumbling back and forth, laughing.

Shea is gone in the blink of an eye and they don't bother to try to call her back. It's useless, so instead they make drinks and lower the truck gate, hopping on and swinging their feet, watching the crowd. It's a mix of high school students and older adults, kids back for the summer. Donna keeps smugly reminding everyone that she and Tara are seniors now, though Tara isn't sure why that matters.

The boys venture off after a little bit, going to visit with people, Jax talking animatedly and Opie quiet behind him. Donna and Tara sit in the bed of the truck, talking and gossiping, nudging each other when some of particular interest happens. They're discussing Katie and Wyatt disappearing off into the woods together when Shea's face pops up over the rim of the truck.

"Hey." Tara grins and bops Shea's nose. "Hey you."

"Are you drunk?" Shea asks without preamble and Tara grins languidly, shrugging.

"I haven't stood up yet." She realizes. "So I don't know how drunk I am."

"Well, you're about to find out." Shea snorts. "Jax and Op want you two to come meet someone."

"Oh boy. Help, help, help." Tara holds her hand out and Shea obligingly guides her out of the truck, raising an eyebrow when Tara stumbles against her.

"She's fine." Donna says bracingly, slipping an arm around her waist and grinning at Shea. "Lead the way."

"You're an adorable, tiny lightweight." Shea says affectionately, petting Tara's hair. "You little child."

"Shush." Tara glares, finding her footing and standing up with a little more confidence. "I'm fine."

"Yes, you're about as fine as a tiny kitten outside in a hurricane." Shea compensates for Tara's weight by jutting a hip out, shaking her head. They make their way to the boys like a bizarre 6 legged race, and once they reach them, Shea unceremoniously transfers Tara to Jax.

"Whoa." He catches Tara's elbow before she can sway dangerously to the left. "Someone have too much too drink?"

"Nope." Tara gives his a peck on the cheek. "Just blurry."

"Blurry." He repeats, amused. "Ok, Ms. Blurry, meet our friend Jorge."

"Hello." Tara says brightly, offering her hand to the short seat man, who also wears a kutte and has a magnificent handlebar mustache.

"Hi." He seems amused by her.

"And this my girlfriend, Donna." Opie gestures to Donna, who steps forward with a smile and shakes his hand.

"Hi, nice to meet you."

"And our friend, Shea." Jax says, but Shea has narrowed eyes and doesn't extend her hand.

"Hello." She says shortly then looks at Jax. "Anything you want to tell me?"

"We're friends, Shea." Jax says pointedly. "Good friends. Be nice to our friends."

"Friends need drinks." Shea declares, stomping away and Tara and Donna exchange looks, eyebrows raised, but don't say anything. The boys keep firm grips around their waists as they talk to Jorge about bikes and such. Tara sobers up a little bit, until Shea comes back with a strong drink. She sticks close to them, quiet, occasionally glancing at Jorge like she expects him to attack.

"Hey, I have to go to the bathroom." Tara mutters to Donna and Shea leaps up.

"We'll be right back." She assures them, catching Tara's elbow and steering her towards the woods.

"I hate peeing outside." Tara complains.

"Shush." Donna pats her head then looks at Shea. "What was up with that back there?"

"What?" Shea asks innocently, pushing Tara behind a tree so she can squat.

"You acted like Jax put a gun to your head and threatened to pull the trigger." Donna narrows her eyes. "What? Why are you so on edge?"

"That guy back there, he's prospecting for the Mayans." Shea explains. "And it seems your cute little boyfriends are forgetting the fact that we were at war with them. A war that cost us lives!"

"What?" Donna demands, astonished.

"What, you think that bikers live to an old age and pass away quietly in their sleep?" Shea snorts. "That doesn't happen."

"People died?" Tara emerges from behind the tree, eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah." Shea bites her lip, like she's said too much. "Look, I was just surprised. Obviously Jax and Opie know what they're doing. Maybe Clay's using the new blood to smooth over some of that shit. Forget I said anything."

"Sometimes I forget all the shit that happens that they just don't tell us." Donna shakes her head. "Like, we just don't get to know about it."

"They think it's for the best." Shea explains, as they wander back to the party. "Think that they're protecting you and stuff. In their minds, at least."

"I hate secrets." Tara mutters, shaking her head.

"These aren't bad secrets to be kept from." Shea steals a beer from an open cooler. "Trust me."

"Hey darling." Jax greets her with open arms and kiss. Tara slides into them comfortably and settles in, content. She sobers up by watching them interact with Jorge, eyes narrowed. Part of her thinks that Shea is being overdramatic, because they're kids. They're just kids. There can't be war in Charming, and especially not with Jax. He's too good, too perfect. The idea of Jax killing someone isn't something that she can even conjure.

"I'm sleepy." She declares suddenly and Jax looks down at her, amused.

"Yeah?" He kisses her head. "Want to go home soon?"

"Sure." Tara snuggles into his chest. They don't have more than a second, before someone goes sprinting past them, screeching,

"COPS!"

Blue and red lights flood the field, sirens wailing, and there's yelling and cussing as kids scatter, trying to avoid the crush of police officers surrounding them on all sides.

"C'mon!" Jax catches Tara's hand and drags her away, Donna, Opie, and Jorge right behind them. Tara's not sure why they run, not really, because it's not like they would be in trouble if they got caught anyways, but Jax is grinning and Opie is whooping and Donna is bright eyed and breathless and she knows the adrenaline rush is the best part, so she grins and runs with them.

"Here!" Jorge skids to a stop, looking at a truck on the edge of the party. It's dirty and rusted, but the keys are in the ignition and with a squeal, the girls are tossed unceremoniously into the front seat. Jorge gets behind the wheel and with gravel spinning, they peel away from the excitement.

"Who's truck is this?" Donna asks, once they're on the main road.

"Fuck if I know." Jorge laughs.

"Did we steal this?" Tara asks, after a pause.

"Borrowed, temporarily." Jorge assures her, as Jax snickers. "We'll be sure to return it, just… At a later time."

"Grand theft auto." Tara is suddenly bubbling with laughter. "That's so much worse than a drinking citation."

"You had to say something." Opie groans, when the telltale lights flash behind them.

"We could make a run for it." Jorge suggests, pressure on the gas increasing just slightly. Their looks make him roll his eyes and release his foot, easing to a stop on the side of the road. There's some shuffling, as they try to arrange themselves neatly with 5 people squishing into the front seat, Tara and Donna still mostly on Jax and Opie's laps.

"Are we going to be arrested?" Donna wonders, as the flashlight appears in the window and Jorge slowly rolls it down.

"Jesus Christ boys." Unser sounds beyond exasperated.

"Oh, hey." Jax grins at him. "How come you're not out there, rounding up all the naughty hooligans?"

"I'm too old for that shit." Unser complains. "Besides, someone has to stop the hooligans smart enough to steal a truck and drive away."

"Steal?" Jax feigns extravagant innocent. "No, this is his truck." He points to Jorge, who grins.

"Is it." Unser deadpans. "Son, is this your car?"

"Lo siento, yo no hablo ingles." Jorge says quickly and Unser's lips threaten to twitch up into a smile.

"Sure you don't. License and registration then hombre." He orders and Jorge blinks. "Papeles, idioto."

"Rude. And racist." Jorge accuses and Unser shakes his head to hide the fact he's grinning.

"Get in the car, all of you." He orders. "I've got to take you down to the station."

"What for?" Jax asks curiously, helping Tara out of the truck.

"I don't know." Unser sighs as though beyond annoyed. "Possession of stolen property."

"Can it be grand theft auto? That'd really impress everyone." Opie comments and Donna hits him in the chest, rolling her eyes.

"Just for you, Op." He promises, then gives Jax a baleful look when he slides into the front seat of the cruiser.

"What?" Jax grins. "We can't all fit into the back. Can I turn on the siren like I did when I was a kid?"

"No, you may not."

When they get to the police station, the holding cells are already filled with fellow partygoers, waiting for parents to pick them up and scold them. Tara, Jax, Opie, and Donna lounge in a cell, explaining who's who to Jorge.

"Wait." Tara looks around in alarm. "Where's Shea?"

"Oh hey losers." Shea grins at them, appearing with Unser.

"How come you didn't arrest her?" Jax complains.

"She didn't steal a car like you idiots." Unser says flatly. "And she's sober."

"Bail us out." Jax orders.

"Eh." Shea shrugs. "I think they might have donuts here. I think I'll hang around a little bit."

"Sometimes you're the devil incarnate, do you know that?" Opie asks and she laughs, blowing him a kiss.

"Honestly, yes." She struts away and Tara arranges her head more comfortably on Jax's chest.

"At least she knows." She says thoughtfully then closes her eyes and relaxes.

 **AN:** As I've finished a season over in CLM, I will be taking a break next week, then back to our regularly scheduled antics. Reviews to tide me over?


	55. Fleeting

The summer seems to pass quicker than any of the other's before, Tara reflects one bright August day, because she's blinked and it's gone by in a haze of parties and days tanning, ice cream runs and mornings spent alternating between taking care of hungover Shea and Jax.

Time runs funny in the summer, slow and fast all at once, the days themselves seemingly stretching on forever until Tara wakes up one day and suddenly realizes she's only a couple weeks away from the anniversary of her and Jax dating, as well as the beginning of her senior year.

Donna's motivation to attend school has not been helped by Shea's arrival and her subsequent reminder that she never graduated high school and she's fine. Tara wants to remark that living in a tiny apartment, working part time jobs, and having Gemma do her laundry doesn't seem fine, but she hushes and keeps it to herself.

She doesn't want to rock the boat when they're all doing so well. Opie and Donna are still blissfully in love, their talk of getting an apartment and living together suddenly a lot more serious. Shea flitters between the girls and the guys, comfortable with both. Their odd little family is still as tight knit as ever.

And Tara and Jax are doing well, against all the odds. Tara likes that he works most the day, putting cars and bikes back together, explaining to her how satisfying it is to know what's wrong with something and have his hands fix, taking out the nuts and bolts and putting them back in so that a machine can work again.

Tara wonders if that will be her some day, doing the same with people. She tries explaining it to Jax once, why the human body fascinates her so much that she'll read medical textbooks for the fun of it, gravitating towards health journals rather than celebrity gossip magazines. He'd patted her head and told her that it was nice, but she knows her love of science is bewildering to Jax and Donna and the rest.

But for right now, the days are long, the sun is bright, and Tara is happy, looking out at Donna and Shea, both stretched out on towels on the edge of the pool. Shea has one hand absentmindedly dangling in the water and occasionally she'll bring it up to flick herself with droplets of water.

"Are you guys happy?" Tara asks suddenly and they turn to look at her in tandem.

"Yeah." Donna says immediately.

"But like really happy." Tara pushes. "Like, so happy your face hurts from smiling."

"I'd like it better if I had a girlfriend to amuse myself with." Shea rolls over and glances at a group of girls in the shallow end. "Why are all small town girls straight? No offense."

"None taken." Tara and Donna both assure her.

"Why, are you not happy?" Donna asks her in concern, rolling to look at her imploringly.

"No, I am, that's the thing." Tara looks up at the bright, impossibly blue sky without a cloud in sight. "And I'm scared of how long this is going to last."

"It'll last forever!" Donna says, brightly cheerful, and though Tara and Shea share a knowing look, neither denies her, reclining back to soak in more sun.

* * *

"Hey, where were you?" Tara calls, when the door slams and she hears the familiar jingle of Jax's keys being tossed into the bowl beside the door.

"Work." He yells, not bothering to come find her in the bedroom, instead clanging and slamming his way through the kitchen. Tara doesn't bother to point out that she knows that he was with the club. Donna mentioned that was where Opie was and Tara knows where one goes, the other follows. But when he walks into her room with a bag of chips and a grin, she chooses not to push it, setting her book aside and smiling.

"Hi." She says sweetly.

"Hello." He sits next to her, kissing her, and she can taste the salt from the chips on his lips, along with faint cigarette smoke, and something harsher that she can't quite place. "What are you doing?"

"Reading." Tara stretches out languidly. "It's too hot to do anything else."

"Well, you know what we could do?" Jax suggests and Tara eyes his hands, coated in salt and chip crumbs.

"Wash your hands first." She orders and he glances at them then laughs.

"No, not that, even I'd be ok with it." He wiggles his eyebrows at her. "No, we should go to the carnival."

"Oh. The summer carnival?" Tara looks at him, a little surprised, because usually middle schoolers with crushes and parents looking to offload their kids for a night of popcorn and cotton candy go to the before school fundraiser, the annual last days of summer carnival.

"Yeah, I think it would be fun." Jax explains, reclining on the bed and finishing off another handful of chips. "Opie and I went all the time as kids. It was the only time my mom ever let us off our leashes honestly."

"I find that hard to believe." Tara says wryly. "I don't get the impression you were an easily controlled child Jax Teller."

"I was when it was my mom." Jax grins at her. "You'll see, there's nothing boys are more scared of than their mothers."

"That I believe." She says, but quietly, and mostly so Jax doesn't hear her.

"I think we should go. It'd be fun. Besides, it'll be the last time you go to something as a student. You're going to be graduating!" He beams at her with pride and she ducks her head, smiling.

"Crazy to think that's already happening." She says softly. "Never thought we'd get here."

"You did, now take some time to coast and relax." Jax balls up the empty chip bag and lobs it for Tara's garbage. "And come with to the carnival Tara Grace. I want to win you the biggest teddy bear so everyone knows you're my girl."

"I'm pretty sure they know that regardless." Tara says wryly, watching as he settles down into her bed, eyes closing, a look of contentment on his face. "You know, with the whole tattoo, riding around on your bike thing."

"Let me do something sweet for you." Jax keeps his eyes closed, reaching out and ensnaring her in his arms. "But first, how about a nap?"

"I'm not sleepy." Tara protests and Jax's eye cracks open in amusement.

"I know a trick or two to wind you down."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Tara." Tara answers Donna, standing in the kitchen, watching as tiny bubbles in the pot slowly rise to the surface.

"Oh, hi you, what's up?" Donna asks and Tara idly plays with the flaps on the pasta box.

"You and Opie going to the carnival tonight?" She asks and Donna pauses for a second.

"He mentioned it, why?" She says slowly, sensing the hesitation in Tara's tone.

"So did Jax. I just think it's strange that we never go to the carnival, everyone always says how it's for little kids and old people, and suddenly they're all gung-ho to go and do stuff." Tara glances down the hallway to her bedroom, where Jax is still slumbering.

"Tara." Donna sounds like her patience is quickly wearing down. "They want to go do something fun. Gemma is probably going to wrangle them into working a booth or something. Why does everything have to be treated like they're sneaking around behind our backs?"

"Because for all you know, they are." Tara tries and fails to not sound huffy. "I just thought it was strange."

"It's sweet." Donna's voice is clipped and it stings Tara a little, to think about her friend being annoyed with her. "We'll meet you there, ok?"

"Ok." Begrudgingly, Tara hangs up, then dumps the noodles into the pot and throws the empty box a little harder than necessary at the garbage.

"Hey. Everything ok?" Jax startles her as he ambles out of the bedroom, boxers slung low on his hips, hair mused up in the back.

"Oh." Tara takes a deep breath, trying to reassure herself that he hasn't heard anything. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Just making sure." Jax gently takes her face in his hands and tenderly kisses her forehead. Tara closes her eyes and relishes the way he smells, like smoke, oil, dirt, and deodorant, the feel of his warm skin beneath the pads of her fingertips, his large hands running through her hair. "I want to keep you happy."

"Then stay right here." Tara mutters, thinking about all the things she wants to ask him for but doesn't dare- honesty, trust, reassurances, and more. But for right now, it's enough to have him.

"I wouldn't go anywhere else for the world." He chuckles then tilts her chin up to kiss her again. "I love you, Tara Grace."

"Love you too." She whispers and he grins.

"Go get ready. I'll make this." He gestures to the kitchen and Tara looks at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah?" She pauses skeptically and he scoots her out.

"Go, I got it!"

When Tara walks back into the kitchen, dressed in shorts and a loose tee-shirt of Jax's that Donna had cut to better fit her, she's impressed to find the table set and the pasta cooling on the stove. She looks at Jax as he rummages through the fridge and produces a bag of salad.

"Oh hey, I forgot I got that." Tara says brightly, fastening her bracelets around her wrist. "We better eat it before it goes bad."

"Maybe your dad will want it." Jax says tartly and Tara gives him a rueful look.

"It's green, the only green thing he likes is a green fairy." She mutters darkly, glancing back at the sagging reclining in the living room. "He hasn't been home in like three weeks and I haven't bothered to look for him." She admits quietly.

"Oh, he's still alive." Jax says casually. "He's been alternating between the old motel and the strip club down on the highway."

"Oh." A little stunned, Tara can only blink. "And you… Know this because…"

"Because I asked all the local bartenders to keep tabs on him." Jax takes a bite of pasta like it's nothing. "Keep me posted about where he is, what he's doing, that sort of thing. Unser never lets him get too far."

"What do you mean, too far?" Tara's jaw drops. "You've been having the police chief what, babysit my father?"

"Not babysit." Jax doesn't seem to be bothered by her incredulousness. "But you know, if he gets brought in, Unser lets me know. Gives me a call before you."

"Oh." Tara drops her fork, suddenly not hungry anymore. "And here I just thought that he was staying coherent enough to get home on his own. That'd be too much to ask, wouldn't it?"

"Yes." Jax doesn't say it with sorrow and hatred, just a flat statement. "He's a drunk. But I can take care of him. One less thing for you. I promised I would take care of you, Tara." He takes her hand and smiles sweetly at her. "And I will."

"I know." She says with numb lips. "I know." Jax kisses her knuckles then continues to eat like it's nothing, like Tara isn't lost in a wave of guilt, anger, and frustration.

She hates her drunken, worthless father, who's too busy drinking away a meager paycheck at every bar that will serve him, leaving her with the little money she can scrounge up to keep the lights and water on. But she'd thought she was handling it well enough. But it's been Jax all along.

Jax is why he hasn't came home, why he doesn't show up anymore with friends and fellow barflies, drinking and smoking into oblivion. Jax, likely since that first night he came to find her father destroying the house, has kept him at an arms length from her. And for the first time ever, Tara truly realizes the scope of power Jax Teller has in Charming. It sends a shiver down her spine.

"Ready to go?" He asks, from the doorway, once they've cleaned up and Tara looks at him, standing there with messy hair and a boyish grin. He doesn't look like he could order the police chief to do his bidding, but Tara knows that appearances are deceiving.

"Ready." Tara reaches out and takes his hand. He smiles and kisses her before pulling her out the door.

 **AN:** Hey, we're back, leave me a review because they're the best and make me smile? Y'all are the best.


	56. Community Service

She can smell the carnival before she sees it, the smell of deep fried everything wafting towards them before Jax turns the corner and she sees the chaos. Little kids run between booths, throwing darts at water balloons and yelling when they manage to pop one. Jax sneaks his bike into an already rather extensive row and Tara gets off, looking at them in surprise.

"I think I want a corndog first." Jax declares, missing the look of confusion on Tara's face. "Babe?"

"Is everyone from the club here?" It slips out a little harsher than she intended, but thankfully Jax seems to be lost in the realm of corndogs and doesn't notice.

"Oh, yeah." He waves a hand. "Mom makes everyone help out. No one has the balls to say no to her yet."

"Men." Tara shakes her head, but follows Jax into the carnival, unable to help herself from smiling at the sight of kids running around with overstuffed animals, plastic toys, and the occasional one with a goldfish and turtle, usually followed by an alarmed parent.

"What do you want babe?" Jax asks, beelining for the corndog stand.

"We just ate." Tara protests and he looks at her in bewilderment.

"Tara, it's corndogs." Shaking his head, he gets in line for one. "Honestly, it's like you don't even know me."

"I do know you, you're a drama queen." Tara sasses and he grins, wrapping an arm around her.

"And I love corndogs, sue me."

"Ok honey." Tara rests her head against his arm, observing the crowd. She'd been right to assume a lot of parents with kids, patiently trying to get them on and off rides, past booths filled with rigged games and cheap toys. There are young kids, free from their parents for the first time, sprinting through things, clutching a fist full of dollars. There are middle schoolers, clearly segregated by gender, though one occasionally darts across, blushing furiously, to share a snow cone or cotton candy.

Incrementally a teenager or someone closer to their are will pass, but they're a rarity. Tara doesn't mind this, it means less people to whisper comments and judgements when she walks past. When she spots Donna and Opie walking through the crowd, she raises her hand and smiles in greeting. She can never stay mad at Donna for long, not with her bright smile.

"We'll have two." Opie informs the worker in the window and she ducks to go get them.

"You paying?" Jax raises an eyebrow and Opie claps him on the shoulder.

"You are, brother."

"I hate you." Jax informs him, but pays regardless and hands a smirking Opie his corndog.

"Ooh, I want a funnel cake." Donna declares, dragging them towards the stand. "Tara, want to share?"

"Sure." Tara resigns herself to being stuffed for the rest of the evening.

"Good." Donna beams, waiting in line.

"Hey, we'll be right back, ok?" Jax says suddenly and when Tara follows to where he's looking, spots the kuttes and reapers.

"What are you doing?" She asks skeptically and he grins, kissing her temple.

"Nothing. Get strawberries on it, ok?" He requests, walking away and Tara waits until he's out of earshot before rounding on a serene Donna.

"What do you think they're doing?" She demands and Donna shrugs, more focused on the menu than Tara.

"Probably talking about shit with them." She ponders her choices. "Honestly, I don't care to know unless it involves. Where did Jax see strawberries?"

"There." Tara points to the bottom of the menu and Donna nods, eyes darting back and forth as she reads. "But doesn't it bug you that they just keep everything secret? Like, everything?"

"No." Donna's got a faint crease between her eyebrows. "They'll tell us what we need to know."

"They don't tell us shit." Tara grumbles, but Donna ignores her in favor of ordering a large funnel cake.

"What's your deal then?" Donna asks, once she's been handed on oversized plate with the dessert on it, leading Tara to one of the many picnic tables that litter the grounds. Tara keeps her gaze on Jax, watching as he and Opie talk to Otto, seemingly relaxed. "You've been weird about shit all day."

"Jax told me something today." Tara admits, tearing her eyes away and gingerly picking out a piece to eat. "He said the reason why my dad hasn't been so… Bad lately is because Jax has been having the club take care of it. Watching him. Getting him home. Making sure he doesn't go to the hospital or jail."

"Yeah?" Donna seems unbothered by the revelations. "Tara, Jax does that because he loves you. It like him fixing the car or getting you flowers. He does it because he can, and he cares. The club isn't evil you know. They help people. That's probably why we're here."

"Why's that?" Tara asks suspiciously, licking her fingers free of strawberry juice and powdered sugar.

"Because it reassures people when the Sons are here." Shea drops down next to them, pulling the funnel cake towards her. "Damnit, Jax just had to get strawberries."

"Well hi." Tara says, recovering from her surprise at Shea's abrupt appearance. "Where'd you come from?"

"I was on a date." Shea sighs heavily. "It didn't go well. She didn't think it was a date. Again, straight girls. Y'all kill me."

"Sorry." Donna pats her arm affectionately.

"You were asking why we're here?" Shea asks Tara, who clams up, then slowly nods. "Because it helps with the scary outlaw image. They come here, do the dunk tank, crow eaters bake some pies, they help set up and tear down, and they keep any snot nosed brats from starting stuff. Plus, cops can't say shit if they meet friends here." Shea jerks her chin at Jorge and a group of fellow bikers arrive, shaking hands.

"So they use the guise of little kids and clowns for what, discussing gang wars?" Tara is watching, wide eyed, as Jax leads Jorge away from the group, apparently deep in discussion.

"Business." Shea says simply, then wipes her fingers on her jeans. "I want a snow cone."

Shea entertains them with stories of her dating failures and successes when Jax and Opie wander back over, acting oblivious to the fact that they've been gone for nearly half an hour, pouting over the fact that the girls have eaten the entirety of the funnel cake.

"Go get a new one." Tara orders, as Jax mopes down the fairway, scuffing his shoes like a 7 year old.

"No." He pouts, then lifts his head and suddenly brightens. "I want a caramel apple. Want one babe?"

"I'm good." Tara watches as a boy walks by, caramel dripped from his fingers.

"Suit yourself." Jax shrugs and bounds up to the window, smiling as charmingly as he can, getting a large apple coated in caramel with a cherry on top for his efforts.

"Oh, an elephant." Donna suddenly gasps, tugging on Opie's sleeve when they pass a booth filled with cheap stuffed animals. "Will you get it for me, Op?"

"Get the pretty lady an elephant." Shea taunts, sitting down on the grimy ledge, ignoring the man that leers down her shirt. "C'mon Op, bet you can't."

"It's rigged." Opie tries to sound dismissive, but he's intently studying the ring toss game, eyebrows furrowed.

"Ain't rigged!" The carnie says indignantly and Opie quiets him with a look.

"Ok, I'll take 10 rings for $5." Opie declares, slapping the bill down and the carnie hands over the rings. Jax and Tara watch in amusement, Jax loudly chewing his apple. "How do I win the elephant?"

"Two, on the middle one." The carnie points the bottle in the center, a white bottle as opposed to the brown bottles surrounding it. "Or 8 total on any of the rest."

"Go for the middle one first, then if you don't make it, go for the outside where it's easier." Shea says instantly.

"Hell no," Jax scoffs. "Go outside first, then if you miss one, you can focus on the inside."

"That's stupid!" Shea protests and she and Jax bicker before Opie hushes them by tossing his first ring at the middle bottle. Shea sticks her tongue out at him but Opie remains dedicated to the middle bottle and on his third toss, makes it.

"Whoo!" Donna cheers. "Just one more babe."

"Thanks." He says, not taking his eyes off the bottle. He continues to throw, each other them yelling corrections or suggestions as the next 5 shots miss. Opie steadfastly ignores all of them with ease, and when he tosses one in a perfect arch, they hold their breath as it circle the long neck of the bottle before settling on it.

"Yes!" Donna yells, snatching the elephant before the carnie can even blink. "Oh, thank you baby." She stretches up to give Opie a deep kiss and he tosses the ring aside without batting an eye.

"Gross, you two." Shea complains, covering her eyes and pretending to throw up. "Enough with the PDA." In return, Opie and Donna just deepen their kiss.

As the sun sets and the day cools off, they wander through the carnival, Tara protesting Jax's sticky hands when he tries to touch her, Shea keeping an amusing running commentary about the sex lives of the harried parents that walk past them carrying screaming children, and getting treats. Tara can never relax, however, not when she sees how Jax is treated.

He's always been the prince, she'd joked about that time and time again. But now she sees it in a different light. He's not just admired anymore, he's respected. Adults nods their heads when he passes and he nods back, greeting people by name, smiling and shaking their hands, listening to seemingly inane things like gardening and grandkids.

She sees him work a crowd and is reminded again that he'd make a wonderful politician, with his tactical mind and boyish charm. All that potential and he's pouring it into the kutte on his back. A damn waste, Tara thinks, but she know keeps quiet and tries not to tease him for knowing who Mrs. Rodgers is and why her rhubarb seems to be wilting.

"You're a man of many hobbies." Tara mutters when he gets done talking to Mrs. Rodgers. He grins, taking a bit of cotton candy from the bag she's sharing with Donna.

"My mom's hobbies." He clarifies. "I don't always have the heart to correct them, plus I've weeded the garden enough times as punishment to know enough to get me through."

"People here love you." Tara says quietly, looking out over the carnival. Young boys dart betweens the bike, staring at them in awe before being called back by parents. Tara can see Gemma and Clay, holding court before a crowd of 15 or so people. Various bikers are scattered through the carnival, but they move with ease. No one seems bothered by them.

"Nah, they just like me." Jax brushes it off. "And I'm more approachable than Clay."

"You don't say." Tara notes in amusement and Jax grins at her, before bending to kiss her.

"I love you, you know that?" He says suddenly. "And I love this. I love when I get to look over and see you."

"I love that too." Tara says quickly, automatically. "I love you."

"Oh good." Jax grins and pulls her close. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me either." Tara breathes.

"Ok, let's blow this joint." Shea declares, clapping her hands loudly. "Somewhere there is a bottle of Southern Comfort calling my name."

"Ugh, I don't know how you can drink that stuff." Donna wrinkles her nose. "It's disgusting."

"You only say that because you use to drink it like it was water and then you threw it up. Now you can't keep it down." Opie notes with amusement and Donna gives a dainty shrug.

"I like to think my tastes have matured past it." She states and they all chuckle, heading for the exit.

 **AN:** True story on the Southern Comfort folks- smooth down, rough back up. Leave me questions, comments, reviews, the whole 9 yards, I appreciate it!


	57. 3rd Times the Charm

Their party of choice is one on the outskirts of town, filled with cheap beer and loud music. Tara can't help but laugh when Jax spins her around to dance, spilling her drink. She doesn't care- she's tipsy and happy, giggling over the fact that Donna is parading the elephant around. She wonders the same thing as before- if this is happiness, how long can it last?

Turns out it's about 30 minutes, before Tara comes back from grabbing more drinks with Donna to find a blonde standing between Jax's legs. Jax is looking at her with drunken amusement, hands to himself while Opie snickers beside him.

"Hello." Tara sounds pleasant enough, but she hands her drink to Donna and starts pulling her hair back in a high bun. "Can I help you?"

"No." The blonde doesn't even glance her way. "We're good, thanks."

"Oh, I'll help anyways." Tara says sweetly, then grabs the girl by the hair and yanks, hard. The girl screams and sprawls in the dust. Tara stands over her, seemingly unbothered.

"Bitch, we were just talking." The girl scrambles up, glaring furiously at Tara.

"I don't think I care." Tara pretends to ponder it. "No, I've decided I don't. Move along, skank, and don't try to talk to other girls' boyfriends anymore."

"Slut." The word drips from the girls lips, but Tara's become numb to such things. She just laughs and wiggles her fingers, sliding into Jax's lap.

"You've gotten so good at that." Donna pretends to wipe a tear of pride away. "My little girl, all grown up!"

"Oh, shut up." Tara takes her drink back, grinning up at Jax. He seems amused, settling his hands on her hips. "Two years, nearly, and they still try."

"Two whole years." Jax contemplates her words, kissing her ear absentmindedly. "What should we do to celebrate?"

"We could throw a party." Tara suggests sarcastically and Jax brightens.

"Yeah, we could!"

"No." Tara grabs his chin and drags him down so he's looking at her. "No, we're not throwing a rager to celebrate dating for two whole years. Let's go back to like, Modesto or somewhere."

"You want a romantic weekend baby?" Jax mutters and Tara grins as he nuzzles her neck.

"Romance wouldn't kill you." She reminds him and he hums but doesn't deny it.

"You could do what we did for our anniversary." Donna informs them and Tara raises an eyebrow quizzically. "Spend the whole weekend in bed and never put clothes on."

"Ugh, ok, that's enough of that." Jax holds up a hand to hush her and Donna smirks. "I don't need to know anything else."

"It was great." Opie inputs and Jax glares at him while the girls laugh. When the party winds down, they decide it's time to get home. Shea is long gone, and with the boys too drunk to drive, their only option is to wander across town, towards Donna's house, the closest of the four.

"You know, I actually kind of love these nights." Donna declares, spinning and grinning at them. Opie watches her with tender affection. "It's a good night."

"Why's that?" Tara calls, from under Jax's arm.

"Because there's just something about these nights that make you feel… Expanding." Donna tries to explain, looking up at the stars and walking backwards. Opie watches her carefully, making sure she doesn't trip over anything. "Like the whole world is spinning and you're the only one on the planet and you're just hanging on, trying not to go flying off, and you think that if you close your eyes and raise your arms…" Donna does so, closing her eyes. "That you might just launch into the stars."

"Well, I would hope not." Jax frowns slightly. "There's no oxygen in space, right?"

"That's why you need a space suit." Tara glances at Jax, giggling. "But I think she's trying to talk about feeling free and invincible."

"Oh." Jax looks at Donna, who's still swaying with her eyes closed. "Like how I feel on my bike, like when the world is going a hundred miles an hour, but I've slowed it all down, and my heartbeat controls everything around me and you just feel like you're going to burst?"

"Exactly." Donna says dreamily, letting Opie scoop her up and carry her through the park.

"I still think that you should be a writer." Tara informs Jax, who avoids her eyes and shrugs.

"No one wants to listen to my ramblings." He assures her and she squeezes his hand.

"I do." She says eagerly, but before he can retort, headlights flood the park they're cutting through, making them all stop and squint, trying to figure out who's behind the wheel.

"I bet it's just Shea, coming to pick us up." Jax says calmly, putting a reassuring hand on Tara's back. However, Opie sets Donna down, standing in front of her.

"Hey, bitch!" Tara relaxes when she recognizes the voice of the girl from before. She's getting out of a car, backed by three large men and two girls. Tara glances up at Jax, who looks faintly surprised at this turn of events.

"Can we help you?" Donna demands, folding her arms and refusing to hide behind Opie.

"Yeah." The blonde girl tosses her hair over her shoulder. "My boyfriend and his buddies want a word about how you treated me."

"Oh, shit, you're dating this whore?" Jax asks the lead guy in disbelief. He bares his teeth and cracks his knuckles menacingly but Jax seems unbothered. "Fuck man, sorry about that. What a bitch."

"She was the one that attacked me for no reason." The blonde points to Tara smugly and the boyfriend rounds on her, hulking and smelling like strong, cheaper booze.

"Hell no." Jax puts himself between Tara and the other man, throwing a punch without hesitating. Opie deflects the other two guys before they can try to gang up on Jax and Tara sidesteps the scuffle, looking at the blonde with hatred.

"Wrong fucking move." She warns her, then launches herself at the smaller female, nails out, ready for a fight. Donna's fighting off the other girls, a tangle of limbs and hair pulling and split lips before sirens make them all freeze.

"HANDS UP!" A voice bellows and reluctantly they all separate.

"And it was just getting fun." Jax says, spitting blood and reaching for Tara's hand. "You ok babe?"

"Yeah." Tara doesn't take her eyes off the approaching cops. "Think I got some good shots in."

"That's my girl." Jax says proudly.

"It's not over!" The blonde yells.

"Yes it is." A cop grabs her and cuffs her. "You're going down the station, all of you."

"Really, Travis?" Jax asks, as another cop cuffs him. "Don't you have a wife and new baby to go home to?"

"Yeah, I do." The cop says tartly, shuffling them towards the waiting cop cars. "So if your ass comes nice and quiet, I won't throw resisting arrest on top of the disorderly conduct we got going here."

"You could just let us go with a warning and tell us not to do it again." Donna says helpfully and he snorts, making sure Donna doesn't hit her head sliding into the backseat.

"And miss out on all this fun?"

* * *

"I feel like I've been here before." Jax jokes when he gets deposited into a cell. Tara sits down next to him, gingerly wiping blood from the corner of her mouth.

"We gotta stop winding up here." She mutters and he inspects her face.

"You're still beautiful." He assures her, kissing her forehead and she grimaces before going to inspect Donna and Opie.

"This one isn't deep, it won't need stitches." Tara informs Opie, prodding a wound on his head.

"Thanks nurse." He rolls his head, cracking his neck. "How you feeling baby?"

"Peachy." Donna is reclined against the wall, holding a bag of ice she'd charmed a young cop into giving her against her cheek. "Is it going to swell Tara?"

"The ice will help." Tara pats Opie's shoulder before standing and peeling the ice away from Donna's face. "But I do think it's gonna get puffy. You didn't have to jump in, it was my fight."

"It was all our fight." Donna grins at her. "I haven't had a good cat fight in forever."

"I thought it might be behind us, but apparently not." Tara muses.

They're not jailed long before a familiar voice echoes through the police department.

"Where are my kids?" Shea demands. "What did they do now?"

"Disorderly conduct." Unser explains, as Shea skids to a stop, looking at the ragged bunch in front of her. They're all covered in dirt and dust, hair messy, dried blood and bruises covering various surfaces.

"Damn." Shea snorts in amusement. "You all look like someone dragged you behind a car."

"Feels like it." Donna comments. "You bailing us out?"

"Yeah." Shea pats Unser's shoulder. "I promise to keep them out of trouble Daddy, it won't happen again."

"The Daddy thing," Unser waves a hand. "Now that's just weird. You all know the drill by now?"

"Yes sir." Tara helps haul Donna up.

"Same time, same place next weekend?" Jax asks, when Unser unlocks their cell.

"I'll be here." He says tiredly and Jax grins, leading Tara away.

"Y'all need showers." Shea declares, wrinkling her nose as they head for her car. "Bad."

"Hey, where did your ass go?" Opie demands, opening the door for Donna.

"I have other friends than you troublemakers." Shea says loftily.

"Trying to convince another very straight girl to date you?" Jax teases and she sticks her tongue out.

"Shut up or you'll walk."

* * *

Tara wakes up, prodding her injuries gently, groaning and rolling over to bury her face in Jax's neck. He grunts in protest and she pulls back to observe the bruises that litter his upper body. He'd taken more of a beating in the fight than he'd let on and she drops her head to kiss each mark.

"My knight in shining armor." She teases when he grunts, waking up.

"What, me?" He chuckles, looking at her with hooded eyes. "I would always defend your honor. Even if you were holding your own."

"Well people should know not to fight me by now." She says primly and Jax laughs, pulling her up alongside him.

"My little scrapper." He brushes her hair back tenderly. "Who taught you to fight? Oh wait, me."

"It's every girls dream." She says dryly. "Get in a fight, go to jail, come home, have sex, go to bed."

"Sounds like a perfect night to me." Jax stretches out. "And a perfect morning would be pancakes."

"I'll go see if Donna's up and if she's got stuff." Tara assures him, flinching when she rolls out of bed. "And ice."

"Love you!" He calls as Tara ambles to the kitchen, yawning and stretching.

"Whatcha making?" Donna wanders out of her bedroom, tugging Opie's shirt down to cover her hips, at the sound of Tara clanging pots around.

"Pancakes." Tara tosses the mix on the counter. "Help?"

"Yeah." Donna digs through the pantry. "Wanna add chocolate chips?"

"Yes please." Shea pops up from the couch and Donna looks at her in amusement.

"Where did you come from?" She questions and Shea shrugs, walking into the kitchen.

"My mom use to say the depths of hell. If she was referring to her womb, then she was correct." She says and Tara snorts in laughter.

"You can mix." Donna hands her a bowl. "Go crazy."

After breakfast, Shea announces that she has to go to work to save up for their next bail money and yelling, they all shoo her out the door. Donna decides that she wants to spend the day recovering from her hangover somewhere dark and quiet, dragging Opie back to her bedroom.

"That leaves us." Jax smiles at Tara. "Want to go to the meadow?"

"Sure." Tara kisses him with sticky, syrupy lips. "I'd like that."

The sun warms her skin, making her sleepy. The breeze tickles her skin and Jax is sitting next to her, close enough to touch, reading with a tiny frown line between his eyebrows. Tara smiles, just watching him, enjoying seeing him at peace, calm and rested. It's nice to see a glimpse of the teenager he still is. He doesn't notice her staring, lost in the world of his book.

She looks up at the puffy clouds and impossibly blue sky, smiling. This has to be the happiest she's ever been. Serenity flows through her veins like liquid gold, relaxing each muscle, making her feel like she's buzzing and absolutely still at the same time, laughter bubbling up like an unstoppable fountain of bliss.

"What?" Jax's voice surprises her and she looks at him. He's put down his book and is watching her with a tender expression. "You've got a funny look on your face, like I just said something really sweet."

"I feel like you did." She smiles at him, not caring if she makes a bit of sense. "Tell me things are never going to change Jax."

"Things are never going to change babe." He vows, dipping to kiss her.

 **AN:** Uff, major writers block trying to get this chapter out, not sure why. Sorry if it's rather short. But hey- reviews help! Thanks for reading.


	58. Future Plans

"Excuse me." A finger taps the top of Tara's book and she looks up, a little startled. An older gentleman, salt and peppered at his temples, with kind brown eyes smiles down at her.

"Sorry." She apologizes immediately, even if she's not exactly sure what for.

"No, I'm the old man bugging a young lady." He waves a hand and sets his briefcase down. "I just was wondering about your reading selection."

"Oh," Tara glances at the medical textbook she's been working through for most of the summer. "Nothing."

"That certainly doesn't look like nothing." He comments quietly. "I would know, I've had to read that thing cover to cover a time or two."

"Are you a doctor?" Tara asks curiously.

"Dr. George Cohen, at your service." He flashes her a grin and sits in the chair across from her. "I work at St. Thomas, as a surgeon."

"Really?" Intrigued, Tara sets aside her book. "What's your specialty?"

"Cardiac." He says easily. "How old are you?"

"16." She tells him, after a moment of hesitation, and his eyes fly up.

"You're only going to be a junior and you're reading that?" He demands, jerking his thumb towards the book.

"Senior." Tara corrects. "I skipped a grade."

"Really?" He sits back, pressing his hands together in front of his lips. "Smart girl."

"Thanks?" Tara says unsurely and he watches her for another moment, long enough to make her squirm.

"Do you want to go to med school?" He asks suddenly.

"Yes." Tara says automatically, without hesitation.

"Why?" He asks her bluntly and for a second, she's speechless. She's never given thought to it before, just had always known that she's wanted to do this. She looks at him, head tilted, and gives him the truth, thinking about her mother, her father, Jax, Piney, Gemma, everyone.

"Because people are broken and I want to fix them."

"Well," George chuckles. "I've mentored a lot of young doctors and not one of them have given me that answer. You're something else, Miss…"

"Knowles." She answers, grimacing. "Tara Knowles."

"Ah." She can tell that her father's reputation proceeds her in the way that George sits back, inspecting her critically. "That's surprising."

"What, that the town drunk can have a smart daughter?" Tara says defensively.

"That the smart daughter chooses to help people quite unlike her drunk father." He says quietly and before Tara can puzzle out what he means, he leans forward on his elbows. "Come to the hospital before school starts. Thursday is a good day for me. Tell the nurses Dr. George sent you. I want you to come look around for a bit."

"Why?" Tara asks skeptically and he stands, grabbing his briefcase.

"Because being a doctor is a complicated job." He says, tapping the book. "And I want to show you."

"You won't talk me out of it." Tara informs him stubbornly and he chuckles.

"No, I'm sure I won't." He gives her one last look, before raising his hand and departing. Tara absentmindedly shoves the book into her bag and heads for Donna's.

"Hey, where were you?" Donna calls when Tara lets herself in. "Oh, library?" She asks when Tara sets down her backpack.

"Ah, yeah." Tara shakes her head of lingering thoughts on the doctor and smiles at Donna, surprised to see Donna's in slacks and a button up blouse, wearing light makeup. "Where were you is a better question."

"Job interview." Donna reveals smugly and Tara raises her eyebrows. "For a receptionist at a bank. I'll work afternoons and weekends. And it pays!"

"What about school?" Tara questions and Donna waves a hand.

"I'll just take study halls and free periods in the afternoon." She says dismissively. "I'll leave at lunch and go to work. I'll be off when Opie's done, and it's on the way home from the shop. This way I'll actually have cash and I'll stop needing to steal from the stash my mother keeps under her bed."

"Well, I mean, that's great." Tara sits down, looking at Donna quizzically. "But what about saving up for college?"

"College?" Donna glances over her shoulder, unbuttoning her shirt. "What about it?"

"Aren't you going?" Tara presses and Donna laughs outright, tossing the shirt on the floor before sliding out of her slacks.

"No way in hell I can afford it." She says easily. "Besides, the job at the bank is pretty good. I could go up to full time after I graduate. And I get a fifty cent raise when I've been there for a year."

"Awesome." Tara is staring at her best friend in a whole new light, as Donna wiggles shorts up over her hips before glancing at Tara.

"Yeah, I know. Wanna go get ice cream to celebrate?"

"Of course." Tara forces a smile on her face, clapping her hands. "My treat, as a congratulations."

"Oh thanks." Donna kisses her cheek, grabbing her keys. "And don't tell Op, I want to keep it a surprise."

"Promise." Tara mutters, glancing at her backpack before following Donna out the door.

* * *

"Well, isn't this a beautiful sight." Jax jokes, as he and Opie park beside the ice cream shop and wander up. Tara and Donna sit outside, feet up on the chairs, finishing up the last of their treats.

"Us or the ice cream?" Tara questions and he grins, kissing her head.

"Both." He and Opie walk inside to order and Tara glances at Donna.

"When are you going to tell him?" She questions and Donna hums, then shrugs.

"Don't know." She says evasively. "He has so many secrets, it's kind of nice to have a little one all my own."

"Most boyfriends don't, you know." Tara muses, then extrapolates when Donna gives her a confused look. "Keep that many secrets. Most boyfriends don't have so many."

"Our boys aren't most boys." Donna says tartly and Tara can't dispute her point so she falls silent.

"Hey, you guys have a good day?" Jax asks, picking up Tara's feet to sit down in the chair across from her, placing them on his lap as he licks his cone.

"Yes." Donna says brightly, beaming at Opie. "It was great."

"That's good." Opie remains oblivious, concentrating on not dripping on his shirt that's already stained with grease.

"What about yours?" Jax jostles Tara's feet to get her attention. "Good day?"

"What?" She draws herself out of her thoughts then forces a smile on her face. "Oh, yeah. Good day. Spent most of it reading."

"You're the only person on the planet who's going to be excited for school to start." Donna rolls her eyes. "So weird."

"Smarty-pants." Jax jokes, grinning at Tara but she can only manage a half smile back. "Hey, speaking of school starting, what we we doing to celebrate the end of summer?"

"Get drunk and high and throw a party, what else?" Donna grins at them. "How are you two going to celebrate your anniversary?"

"Get drunk and high and throw a party, what else?" Jax jokes but sobers after Tara gives him a stern look. "I mean, a nice candlelit dinner, roses, fine wine and dark chocolate and—"

"Ok, enough." Tara nudges him with her toe. "You made your point smart ass."

"What do you want to do honey?" He asks, rubbing her ankle. "Go to Modesto?"

"Doesn't matter." Tara absentmindedly swirls the last dregs of her smoothie.

"Are you saying I can plan it?" Jax looks a little bewildered. "You never let me plan things."

"Because you're awful at it." Tara forces herself to smile and pull her mind off of what Thursday will bring. "But sure. You plan what we do during the day. Then we can go to the end of the year party that night."

"You're an angel sent from above, do you know that?" Jax asks and she just smiles.

* * *

Thursday morning she stands before her closet, looking at it in exasperation. She has nothing professional. It's a mixture of ragged jeans, crop tops Donna had cut herself, Jax's sweatshirts, and shorts. She groans, running her fingers through her hair, sitting on the floor in dejection.

"White trash." She mutters to herself, echoing the words that she's heard over and over again. "Nothing but white trash."

She lets herself wallow in pity for a moment longer, then sighs and stands back up, digging to the back of her closet. She settles on dark jeans without holes, a white top that has as close to a conservative necklace as she can get, and bright, sparkly sandals Donna had forgotten two summers ago. She inspects herself critically in the mirror.

Skinny, scrawny, less pale after a summer in the sun, but still not the golden brown Donna and Jax enjoy. Dark hair, messy around her face. She should pull it back in a bun, that'd make her look older. Some makeup might help with that too. She'd rather Donna do it, but then she'd ask questions Tara isn't ready to answer yet.

She checks the clock one last time, knowing she's early. The nerves are making her stomach turn, over and over, and she can't settle them. She's torn between walking out the door, driving to the hospital, and pulling off these uncomfortable clothes and running straight to Jax and his bike.

In the end, she grabs her keys, squares her shoulders, and gets into the car.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The lady working the front desk is welcoming, if not a little confused about Tara's uncertainty.

"Hi, I'm here to see Dr. George Cohen." She explains, trying not to fidget with the heavy 'SON' ring that sits on her finger.

"Do you have an appointment?" The lady asks, hand hesitating over the phone.

"Not really." Tara admits. "He just said to come on Thursday and let the nurses know. My name is Tara, Tara Knowles."

"Ok." A little skeptical, she picks up the phone and punches in a three digit number, waiting. "Hi, I have a Tara Knowles waiting for Dr. George, she says— Oh. Oh, ok. Yes. Yes, alright, I'll tell her. Ok. Thanks. Bye." She hangs up and looks at Tara. "A nurse will be right down to get you."

"Thanks." Tara hurries out of her sight, sitting down in one of the chairs, mind whirling. She has no idea what to expect.

"Ms. Knowles?" A nurse in pretty, sky blue scrubs smiles at. "Hi, I'm Jenny. I'll take you back to see Dr. George."

"Hi, I'm Tara." She stands and gives a forced smile. Jenny leads her through a seat of swinging doors, down a hallway bustling with nurses and patients.

"It's nice to meet you. Dr. George said you have an interest in medicine." Jenny glances back at her and Tara nods again. "Well that's good. It's a lot of work, but the payoff is huge. Not the money, the helping people." Jenny pauses to help a lady sit into her wheelchair. "C'mon, Dr. George's office is this way."

The office is empty, but Jenny smiles and shoos her in, closing the door behind her with a smile. Tara carefully sits down in one of the comfy leather chairs, looking around in curiosity. There are several curios that litter the desk and the shelves of the office.

There's books, stacked haphazardly, some opened, some with random items used as bookmarks, some facedown, spines cracked, pages wrinkled. There's a skeleton in the corner, hands raised above it's head like it's celebrating. A couple picture frames house a pretty brunette and two young girls. There's sketches and diagrams of the heart, and thick files in tottering piles.

"Sorry for the mess." Dr. George enters, almost silently, the opening of the door muffled by the thick carpet. Tara jumps and stands instantly. He waves a hand, gesturing for her to sit. "Thanks for coming by."

"Thanks for inviting me." Tara says quickly. He smiles, setting a pair of glasses on the end of his nose and glancing down at the file in his hands for a long moment before snapping it shut and setting it aside, fixing his gaze on Tara.

"I talked to some of my friends in the schools." He reveals and Tara blinks, not sure where this is going to go. "They had a lot to say about you."

"Oh?" Tara fights to keep her tone level. "And?"

"It was an interesting mix." He leans back, eyes twinkling, and she relaxes some. "Some said you were quiet, unassuming. Nice. They like you well enough. Other's said you were brilliant. Genius. The best student they've ever seen. And more than one cast suspecisions on the company you keep."

"Oh?" Tara tries to keep the harshness from her voice, but she can't help it.

"You're dating Jackson Teller, of the Sons of Anarchy." He folds his hands in front of him, a statement rather than a judgement. "I know his family rather well, if you'd believe that."

"Why?" Tara asks suspiciously before remembering the scar on Gemma's chest. "Oh. Did you…"

"Indeed." He seems amused by the way her nose crinkles at the mention of Gemma. "So trust me when I say that I know how formidable a personality she is. Jax is a good kid. I didn't specialize in pediatric cardiac, but he'd come in with him mother. Intelligent boy."

"He is." Tara agrees, relaxing some at the mention of Jax. "Even if he occasionally doesn't act like it."

"Well, to be young and free again." George smiles. "But come, let's go see the hospital. I want to show you a couple things." He stands, opening the door for her, and Tara stands, twisting the ring on her finger.

He shows her the surgical suite, pointing out the machines and tools, describing surgery and his typical day. He leads her into a patient room and tells her the story of young Jax, sitting at his mother's bedside, desperate to not lose another family member. It strikes Tara that perhaps the reason why Gemma clings so tightly to Jax is because he's the only family she has left.

He jokes about the less fun aspects of the job, like the paperwork and the sassy nurses who roll their eyes at him. He talks about the hours, the devastation when someone doesn't come out of surgery, the elation when they do.

Then finally he leads her back to his office and shuts the door, abruptly serious. Tara sits back down in the chair she'd occupied before as he opens a drawer and begins to pull out thick folders filled with flyers and papers. Tara's brow furrows as she studies them. USC, UW, UCLA, UO, UCSD, Berkeley, Stanford, and more.

"What's all this?" She asks, as he spreads them out.

"College applications." He says easily, as she picks one up and thumbs through it. "For big schools. We can look at smaller schools too. But with your grades Tara, I don't think you'll have a problem getting in. You just need to take your standardized tests."

"I have that scheduled." She says, picking up the Stanford and staring at it in awe.

"Good." George says stoutly. "Then you can turn your attention to these." He pats the stack.

"I'm sorry but I…" Tara hesitates, then plunges on with what she was going to say. "I can't afford to apply to any of these schools."

"Don't worry about that." He produces another stack of papers. "Here's scholarships you can apply for. You'll need a full ride and nothing less. It's going to be hard work, but I trust you're no stranger to that."

"I'm sorry." Tara stands up, overwhelmed, feeling like the walls are coming down around her. "I can't… This is… Too much."

"No it's not." George doesn't pat an eye. "You are a valedictorian. You have some of the best scores on tests the school has ever seen. You have a gift, and a passion Tara. I'm not letting Charming steal that from you."

"But why help me?" Tara demands, back against the door. "What do you want?"

"I have two daughters." He glances at the picture frame on his desk. "Clara and Elizabeth. They're my world. I'd do anything for them. You don't have a father Tara. And your talent shouldn't be wasted because you don't have guidance. You're better than all this, and I intend to prove that to you."

"Better than the Sons, you mean." It startles her, to hear it from someone else's mouth, though she's thought it herself a time or two.

"Yes." George doesn't flinch. "I'll be damned if I let a mind like yours go to waste, all because your drunk father would rather down a shot than get his daughter into college and out of poverty. Take the applications." He points to the folders and a little stunned, Tara gathers them into her arms. "And call me if you have any questions." He hands her a business card with his name and number. "Anytime."

"Thank you?" Tara says uncertainly and he watches her for a long moment, then speaks suddenly.

"Tara, applying for colleges won't be easy. It will difficult. It will be hard. You will be rejected, even with your high test scores and flawless GPA. You need to be in clubs. You need to stay out of trouble with the law. You need to put your best foot forward. If this is what you want, if this is really what you want, then you will need to know that it will be difficult. It will be much easier to sit at home and be a wife and a mother." He informs her and she thinks of Donna, giddy over a part time job. "But you need to think long and hard about who you are."

"Thank you." She repeats, quietly. He nods his dismissal and she slips out of the office, heading out of the hospital and into the bright sunlight.

 **AN:** I'm too many chapters into this to come up with a new way to ask for reviews, so y'all know the drill!


	59. Champagne and Beer

Tara…" Jax says in a sing-song voice. "Tara Grace…" He's tickling her nose with something and she wrinkles it, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Two more minutes." She protests, trying to pull the covers up over her head. "Please."

"No, it's time for my beautiful girlfriend to wake up." Jax decides. "Now c'mon, rise and sunshine my love." Tara cracks her eyes open. Jax's weapon is a pink daisy. A colorful bouquet is in his arms and he grins at her.

"What are these?" Tara pauses, scooting up to sit, looking at the flowers in surprise.

"Happy anniversary." Jax transfers the flowers into her arms, kissing her forehead. "I love you."

"Well I love you too." Tara dips her head to smell one. "Thank you, they're beautiful."

"Like you." Jax grins, then claps his hands. "Now c'mon. I have a day planned."

"You do?" Tara raises an eyebrow, swinging her feet out of bed and standing, stretching.

"Yes." Jax is watching her with a hungry look in his eyes, as the thin cotton shirt she wears to bed in the summer heat rises up on her hip bones. "So go put those flowers in water and get back in bed."

"Oh, it's like that?" Tara teases, putting an extra swing in her hips as she saunters out of her room.

"Hurry up!"

Afterwards, Tara lays in Jax's arms and traces the veins of his skin thoughtfully. He's dozing, always sleepy after sex, and Tara enjoys the fact that he's at peace for more than ten minutes. She keeps tracing his veins, silently naming the bones and the muscles as she goes, pausing when she gets to his hand, trying to remember all the bones.

"Hey." She mummers when he shifts, eyes blinking open hazily.

"Hi." He pulls her a little closer, nuzzling her neck. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Don't you always?" Tara teases and he grins, kissing her shoulder. "I thought you had a day planned."

"I do." He insists, snuggling in. "But why is it my fault if I got sidetracked by the beautiful, wonderful woman in my bed?"

"It is our anniversary." Tara reminds him, bending and straightening his middle finger. For once, he doesn't have his heavy sons rings on and that makes her happy. She likes when he sheds his biker persona and is a soft, vulnerable man in her bed.

"Yes, you're right, I guess I'll do stuff with you." Jax says heavily and Tara gasps, trying to wiggle out his arms. "Kidding, kidding!"

"You're a brat Jax Teller, do you know that?"

"I'll make it up to you."

When they're finally dressed, Tara pulls on a faded cotton dress, grabbing the sandals that have somehow migrated from Donna's closet to her's, snatching a brown purse off the back of her door and pauses, looking at Jax. He's standing by the front door, cigarette dangling from his lips, a half grin. Suddenly self conscious, Tara glances down.

"What?" She asks nervously.

"Nothing." Jax assures her instantly. "You look… Amazing. I just… I want to take a mental picture, you know?"

"A mental picture." Tara's cheeks go warm.

"Yeah, so that I remember this moment forever and forever." Jax opens his arms and she tucks herself into his chest, smiling as the familiar, comforting scent of Jax encompasses her.

"Me too." She whispers.

* * *

Jax drives them to stables in Lodi, grinning at her when she gets off the bike, looking around in confusion. She takes in the barns, the pastures, the chestnut mare that's wandering over curiously, likely hopeful that the visitors bring snacks with them.

"Surprise." Jax proclaims when Tara turns to look at him in bewilderment.

"What in the world?" She mutters, as a stocky man walks out of the biggest barn, accompanied by two sandy dogs.

"Jax." The man says loudly, reaching a hand out. "Good to see you again."

"Tara, meet Terry. Terry, this is Tara." Jax introduces them and Terry looks her over with interest.

"You were right. She is beautiful." He says bluntly and Tara tries to resist smacking Jax's chest. "You both ready?"

"Yeah." Jax grins and offers Tara his hand. She takes it hesitantly as they follow Terry into the barn.

"I've never ridden a horse before." She hisses suddenly, when it occurs to her what Jax must have in mind. "And neither have you!"

"How do you know?" Jax's blue eyes are sparkling with mischief. "I ride a Harley, that's kind of the same thing, right?"

"No, it's not." Terry calls and Tara clams up.

"Don't worry." Jax rubs her shoulder. "We're not riding horses."

"Then what are we doing, mucking out stalls?" Tara demands and Terry snorts while Jax glances down at her fondly.

"No," He promises. "Better."

"What could be… Oh." Tara trails off, dumbstruck, because they've exited the barn and waiting for them is a pretty white carriage, attached to a pretty bay mare, tossing her neck. Jax bounces a couple steps ahead of her, excited to see her reaction.

"Do you like it?" He asks earnestly, when she's speechless.

"What?" She manages weakly and he beams, reaching a hand out. Terry is climbing into the driver's seat and Jax is waiting to help her up. A little bewildered, Tara steps in.

"Let's get to stepping, Stella." Terry says, before clicking his tongue and flicking the reins. With a little jolt, they're off.

"Happy anniversary." Jax looks a little concerned now that she's not speaking and Tara turns to him and pulls him down for a long, passionate kiss, because words can't explain her pounding heart.

"So how do you even know Terry?" Tara asks quietly, as they meander down a pretty path, dappled sunlight streaming through the trees overhead, a river trickling somewhere nearby, the clicking of Stella's hooves on the pavement the only noise. Jax grins at Terry's back.

"Reformed drug addict. Works with horses to stay off the crack pipe, right Terry?" He raises his voice slightly and Terry doesn't turn around.

"Right. Horses can tell when you're high."

"He founded this place a while back. Keeps him sober." Jax explains. "Offers rides and tours and that kind of shit. Doesn't NA send you reformed junkies?"

"They do." Terry confirms.

"No, but how did you meet?" Tara presses and Jax hesitates, just a fraction of a second too long, before waving a hand.

"Club stuff. Look, is that a hawk?"

When they get to a pretty little clearing, Terry stops the carriage and emerges with a basket and and plaid blanket. Tara looks quizzically at Jax, but he just steps outside the carriage and offers his hand. Tara gets down as Terry hands the basket and blanket to Jax before hoping back into the carriage.

"I'll be back in an hour or so." He informs them, before he and Stella continue down the path.

"What in the world?" Tara asks, as Jax leads her into the grassy clearing. It's pretty, with the trees on all sides, sunlight in patterns over the grass, the river babbling nearby. Jax sets the blanket down, smoothing it out, before flopping down and opening the basket. He pulls out a bottle of champagne with gusto, followed by sandwiches, fruit, cheese, and crackers.

"Two years is a big deal." He tells her, as she slowly sits. "It's a big deal for you and for me. I've never loved anyone like I've loved you, Tara Grace. You're my whole world. I know it's been a little rough in places… I've gotten drunk more often than I should, done things I probably shouldn't, but it's been only two years with you. Only two years out of our whole lives together. And I can't wait for this day in 68 years, when we're old and gray, to have been together for 70 years, and to know that I spent each and every one of those days loving you."

"Jax." Tara covers her mouth, holding back tears. He just smiles and pours her a glass of champagne.

"To two years of love." He offers as a toast.

"To the next 68." Tara corrects and when he kisses her, he tastes like how her heart feels.

They spend the rest of the afternoon getting drunk on champagne, feeding each other bits of fruit and cheese, laughing and arguing about nothing and everything. After a bit, Jax pulls out a pen and his journal and Tara closes her eyes, eyes turned upwards to the sun, letting the contentment on the moment seep into her bones.

* * *

"Hey." She drowsily awakens to Jax kissing her forehead. "Terry's coming back. C'mon sleepyhead, let's go do more fun things."

"More things?" She asks, pushing herself up on her elbows. "That sounds interesting."

"I promise it will be." Jax gathers up their garbage, tossing it back in the basket.

"I love you." Tara whispers, as they stand and Jax brushes off her dress.

"I love you too." He kisses her softly, tenderly, running a hand over her hair.

The second half of their date involves supper at a cute little coffee shop, sitting outside on the sidewalk as a band plays on the corner, flirting and splitting a plate of fries, laughing when kids run through the milling crowd causing chaos.

Tara loves these moments. She loves that they're not in Charming, to be judged or revered or sneered at. Here, cities away, they have autonomy, just a young girl in a pretty sundress, contrasting spectacularly with a man in a kutte and baggy jeans. She can hold his hand, he can kiss her cheeks, and they can be at peace.

The peace, however, is a temporary illusion, and she's jarred back into reality the second they cross the border back into Charming. When they pull into Opie's driveway and walk inside, he's already got a beer in his hand as Donna pokes her head out of the bathroom.

"You're going to change, aren't you?" She asks Tara bluntly and Tara looks down at the dress.

"Do I look bad?" She tries not to sound hurt, but fails.

"No!" Donna cries. "I didn't mean it like that. You just don't look like you're going to a party is all. You look… Cute. Sweet. And Jax Teller's girlfriend usually looks sexy." With a wink, Donna goes back to her hair. Tara stops, looking at herself in the mirror.

Long dark hair, braided back, now messy with locks that have fallen out of place. Skin, dusky with a full summer's tan, but a face bare of any makeup, making her look younger. Arms, long and scrawny, folded protectively over the faint blue sundress that she'd liked. Legs, thin, and feet in sandals. She glances back at Jax, lounging on the couch with a cigarette and beer bottle, flipping through the channels with Opie.

Donna is right. This isn't the look of Jax Teller's girlfriend at all.

She changes into tight black jeans and a faded Rolling Stones shirt of Jax's that she'd cut to fit her better. Donna chatters while she applies makeup to Tara's face, bemoaning how romantic their date was, how Opie would never, Jax is so romantic and she is so lucky. She teases her hair and when she looks back in the mirror, she sees a new girl.

Big hair, messy, and sure to get messier after riding out to wherever this party is. Her hazel eyes, emboldened by dark makeup, lips lined red. Black bra, visible through the slashes in her shirt. Thin hipbones showing above the line of her jeans. Heroin chic, they call it. Donna has told Tara over and over how perfect her body is, how they see it in grunge magazines and high fashion alike. But she just looks at the girl in the mirror and wonders how she can be one person and so many, all at once.

"Ready to go?" Jax asks her and she spins to face him.

"Which do you like better?" She questions suddenly and he blinks, trying to understand.

"Which of what?"

"My outfits today." She clarifies. "Which did you like better?"

"Oh." Jax pauses to think. "Both, I suppose. You look great in anything darling. I like you best naked though." With a grin, he snags her hips and she lets him kiss her, and this time it's not champagne but beer and ashes and it's bitter.

The party is at an old house on the outskirts of town, kids already strewn about the porch. Jax kisses her on the temple before darting inside to go make friends and talk to everyone. Tara finds an empty cup and pours herself a drink, wandering through the house.

Everyone here looks so young, she muses. Babies. Freshman, drunk off one beer, trying desperately to fit in and stand out all at once. Sophomores and juniors, amidst petty drama and end of summer feuds, friendships and relationships faltering before her very eyes. She sits back, sips her drink, and observes.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Donna asks, finding her awhile later.

"Shush." Tara mutters. "Listen. Jake is dumping Kelly because she slept with Rodger, but Rodger is over her and wants Kristen, but she's dating Jay. And he's in love with Kelly."

"Wait, what?" Donna squints and Tara repeats herself, pointing the people out as she goes. "Oh, that makes more sense. What's going on now?"

"Rodger's going to try to make a move on Kristen." Tara predicts. "And Kristen will go for it, because Jay's been paying Kelly more attention than he has Kristen. That'll leave Kelly free to hook up with Jay in retribution for Rodger not wanting her."

"But what about Jake?" Donna wonders.

"Who knows, maybe he'll wise up and get out of that toxic friend group." Tara shrugs and takes another drink.

"Anyways," Donna shakes her head. "I came to come get you. Shea's outside. She's not doing so hot."

"What do you mean?" Frowning, Tara tosses her cup aside and follows Donna outside.

"I mean this." Donna gestures to Shea, who's sitting between Jax and Opie, being held up by the two of them.

"Jesus, Shea." Tara kneels in front of her, alarmed. Shea's head lolls to one side, eyes glazed and unfocused. Tara's heart is pounding when she realizes how sluggish and unresponsive Shea is. "What did she do?"

"Dunno." Jax looks only mildly concerned. "Some guy pulled up in a truck and dropped her off. She was sitting against the tree. Didn't get the asshole's name."

"Shea." Tara says loudly, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at her. "Shea, did you take something? Pills? Drugs?"

"Yeah." Shea slurs and Tara exchanges nervous glances with Opie and Jax.

"What did you take?" Tara prods, heart racing.

"Nothing." Shea swats at her. "Gonna… Hum."

"We need to take her to the hospital." Tara decides, palms dampening with nerves. "She's sick."

"No, we can't." Jax protests. "She'll get arrested for using drugs. She probably has a damn warrant out for her arrest, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?" Tara looks at him, astonished.

"Clubhouse?" Jax asks Opie, who nods, before picking Shea up like she's nothing more than a small child.

"We're taking her where?" Tara demands, trailing after them.

"Clubhouse." Jax opens the door of the truck. "Girls there can take care of her. Not the first time they've babied someone on a bad trip."

"What the hell." Tara mutters under her breath, but follows Jax to his bike despite every instinct shrieking at her to get Shea to a hospital.

When Opie carries Shea into the clubhouse, no one seems to bat an eye. He lays her on the couch and several hookers walk over, holding water and some snacks. Tara stands back and watch as they smooth Shea's hair back, talking to her quietly, until Shea eats and drinks, then reclines back and falls asleep.

"See, fine." Jax says brightly and Tara looks at him in astonishment, bewildered as to why no one else even seems remotely concerned about Shea possibly overdosing.

"Jax, she was on god knows what!" She protests, looking around the room. A few men and a couple girls mill about, but Tara doesn't see any of the club members she knows. "Wait, where is everyone?"

"Run to Vegas." Jax explains. "Left this morning. Gonna be gone for awhile. Shea can stay here, no one else is going to need the couch to crash on. C'mon babe, do you want to go back to the party?"

"No." Tara says hollowly, looking at the sleeping Shea, pale, eyelids fluttering as her eyes dart below them, breathing shallowly. "I want to go home."

"Ok, we can sleep at my place tonight since my mom and Clay are gone." Jax completely misses Tara's expression. "You guys staying or going back?"

"I think we'll come home." Donna smoothes a hand over Shea's hair and she too looks troubled, but not so much as Tara. "Kinda ready for bed after this, you know?"

"Sure." Jax pulls a woman aside, speaking to her in low tones and gesturing to Shea. Once she nods, he releases her and walks back to them, smiling. "She's in good hands. Let's go home."

As Jax drives them through the rapidly cooling night, Tara clings tightly to him and closes her eyes tightly, trying to block out the image of Shea, limp in Opie's arms. It's horrifying, but what's worse is how Jax and Opie hadn't even batted an eye.

When they get home, Tara mutters something about feeling sick and locks herself in the bathroom. Hands shaking, she holds tightly to the edge of the counter, searching her reflection for something that she doesn't know. Then she scrubs all the makeup off her, pulls her hair into a bun, and walks back out.

"Feeling alright?" Donna asks worriedly.

"Ok now." Tara manages a smile. "Goodnight."

"Night sweetie!" Donna calls, as Tara steps into Jax's room. He's already sprawled out in bed, half asleep. Tara strips her clothes off, tossing them into a corner, before catching sight of herself in the mirror. She turns and looks at her bare self.

No dress. No biker boots. Nothing but Tara, and she wonders if the person that she is when she's alone is her true self. But if it's her true self, then what is she in the faces of others? It makes her head hurt, and she's already close to crying, so instead she crawls into bed, clinging to Jax, stomach still heaving.

"Happy anniversary." She whispers to his sleeping form.

 **AN:** Sorry for the delay in posting, I'm currently traveling overseas and clinging to wifi wherever I may find it! Leave reviews?


	60. Art

When she wakes to the sound of someone making breakfast in the kitchen when Jax is still asleep beneath her, she yawns and pulls on a teeshirt, walking out, expecting to see Donna and Opie makes omelets. Instead, Shea is busy chopping up peppers and ham and mushrooms, apparently oblivious to the fact that Tara is standing there, looking at her in astonishment.

"Shea." She says loudly and Shea glances up.

"Oh, hi." She smiles. "Didn't see you there. Want scrambled eggs?"

"Are you ok?" Tara asks, grabbing her by the shoulders and Shea looks at her, a little alarmed.

"Fine, why?"

"Shea, last night you were…" Tara struggles to find the words. "You were awful. You looked like death. I was worried sick, out of my mind."

"Why?" Shea looks baffled, before swearing and stirring the eggs before they burn. "Tara, I was fine. I had a little too much coke, but it's not a big deal?"

"Coke?" The floor is unsteady beneath Tara's feet. "You took coke?"

"Yeah, Dominic must've had a bad batch, that fucking prick." Shea rolls her eyes. "Anyways, I'm fine."

"You took drugs?" Tara can't get over this fact and Shea glances at her as she adds the peppers and mushrooms to her eggs.

"Yeah, what? It's not a big deal. Honestly Tara, it was just coke, it wasn't crack or meth. Why are you freaking out?" She questions.

"Because you looked like you were overdosing and it scared me." Tara snaps. Shea pauses in front of the stove, refusing to look at Tara.

"That wasn't an overdose." She says quietly. "Trust me. You'll know it when you see one."

"Yeah, you gonna make me?" Tara demands and Shea quietly turns the oven off, sliding half the eggs onto a plate.

"Do you want the eggs or no?" She asks.

"No." Tara stomps back to Jax's room. She gathers her things without waking him, then makes a point of striding through the kitchen and slamming the door shut on the way out.

* * *

Jax comes and hangs out later in the day, but he doesn't say anything about Shea and the incident, pretending to be napping while Tara reads, too angry with all of them to play nice. Donna and Opie stay away as well, until the night before the first day of school and Donna walks in. Tara quickly scrambles to hide the admissions packets she'd been reading.

"Look, I know you're all pissy about the party and Shea." Donna begins without preamble. "But you're my best friend and tomorrow is our first day of senior year and your ass is going to help me pick out an outfit, so all you have to do is nod yes or shake your head no, ok? Don't even need to talk to me."

"I'm not giving you guys the silent treatment." Tara declares.

"Seems like it." Donna opens the closet and starts pulling shirts out. "Shea thinks you're pissed at her."

"Well, I am." Tara mutters darkly. "Aren't you?"

"Because she was doing drugs? No." Donna glances over her shoulder and rolls her eyes. "You realize I've seen my mom do worse, right? Shea just got a little much. It's fine. It happens."

"I honestly can't believe how callous you're being." Tara looks at her in surprise.

"I'm not." Donna turns, hands on her hips, offended. "But she's a lesbian in a small town, who works part time at a diner and at TM, who's parents don't give two shits if she's home or not, high school drop out. Can you blame her for being bored and miserable and wanting to not be for five minutes?"

"I guess…" Tara is taken aback. "I guess I didn't realize."

"Yeah, I know." Donna turns back to her closet. "I love you Tara, I do, but sometimes you get wrapped up in your own problems and you forget to look to see how anyone else is doing. It's ok, to be a little selfish sometimes. But just don't be mad at her."

"You're right." Tara looks at the drawer where she'd stuffed the college packets. "I've had a lot on my mind lately."

"I know." Donna says sympathetically, then holds up a shirt. "Do you think this would be good?"

* * *

The next morning the pair of them standing before Charming High School, looking up at the brown stone facade, both quiet. Slowly, Tara reaches out and takes Donna's hand. Donna glances at her, then squeezes and grins.

"Let's go be seniors." Tara says and Donna squeaks with happiness.

"Seniors!"

Their first class is yearbook, together, both of them senior editors. As they talk about the upcoming year, doling out page and photography assignments, explain rules and how to turn items in, Tara glances down at her schedule once more.

Advanced biology and chemistry. Physics. Advanced Lit studies. Economics. Calculus 2. All the high, advanced courses. She carefully tugs Donna's schedule out of her folder and looks it over. Reading and Comp. Algebra 2. Earth studies. Study hall, free period, study hall. Tara forces a smile on her face and says goodbye to Donna after yearbook, then goes to face the rest of her first day as a senior alone.

Every teacher stresses the importance of their senior year. Taking tests and assignments seriously, turning papers in on time, preparing for college. Tara listens, it feeling a little surreal with the fact that days ago she was watching her friend react to drugs. But she can't say anything, so instead she smiles and takes the syllabus.

Jax isn't there to pick her up at the end of the day. No Donna to wait for her either. She's started her new job at the bank. Tara walks to her car alone, backpack heavy on her shoulders. She slings it into the car and starts it, briefly resting her head on the steering wheel. She wants a nap.

"Hey, there's my baby." To her surprise, Jax is waiting for her when she gets home.

"Hi." She sets down her backpack and kisses his cheek. "How was your day?"

"Good. Missed you." He informs her, munching on an apple. "Yours?"

"School." Tara smiles as she pulls her books from her backpack. "Lots of stuff to do already. It's going to be a busy year."

"Yeah?" Jax looks a little befuddled. "Why? You're a senior. It should be all about slacking off and skipping class and stuff."

"Says the one who never made it to his senior year." Tara says, exasperated and Jax shrugs.

"What's the point? Now I get to work all day at the shop, make money, and I don't have teachers telling me what to do." He grins, pleased with himself.

"As long as you're happy." Tara says absentmindedly, opening her physics book.

"Studying already?" Jax frowns slightly, as Tara wanders over the couch with the book and sits.

"Yeah, we have to read the first chapter by tomorrow." Tara explains, eyes skimming the pages. "It's mostly review from where we left off last year, but I want to make sure I'm refreshed on it. Then I need to think about the math and debate clubs."

"Math and debate clubs." Jax sneers, then turns serious when Tara doesn't appear to be kidding. "Why the hell are you going to be a part of the math and debate clubs? They're for nerds."

"I'm a nerd." Tara reminds him balefully. "Remember, that's why you started dating me. Because I wasn't one of the random sluts that would hop on your bike as quick as they would your dick."

"But now you would." Jax asks slyly but her attention is already diverted back to the physics textbook. "Right? Tara?"

"Sure baby." She says distractedly, intently studying a diagram and he groans.

"Fine. Study away." He declares, tossing the small black notebook down on the coffee table. "I've got club shit to do with Opie anyways. I just wanted to leave that here. Thought you'd appreciate it."

"What are you doing with Op?" Tara asks, eyeing the notebook.

"Does it matter?" Jax asks tartly, swinging his kutte on. Tara watches as he gathers his things. "I'll see you later then. Oh, and you should probably talk to Shea at some point. She thinks she ruined your friendship." With that, Jax slams the door and seconds later, roars down the driveway. Tara flinches then tries to focus on the physics book again. When she can't, she groans loudly and pulls the notebook towards her, unable to help herself.

 _She is grace, like her name, and she is poetry in motion. She is beauty, but beauty of the rarest form. She isn't a painting or a landscape. She isn't abstract or modernism. She is more than a Degas, a Da Vinci, a Picasso._

 _She is Tara, and she is an art that she doesn't even know yet. She doesn't know that she writes prose when she laughs, she doesn't know that she composes melodies when she smiles, she doesn't know that she brings a canvas to life when she moves. She is a dance, a song, a statue._

 _There is beauty in the world. There is the beauty that everyone can see. Has anyone ever not marveled at the Grand Canyon? Looked up at the expanse of the Milky Way and not felt small? I see beauty where others might not, in the purr of a bike doing 97 on a highway, the embers of a cigarette, glowing in the dim light at dusk. But the beauty I see in her is incomparable._

 _She is like a gemstone, uncut and unpolished, raw magnificence, beautiful and with potential. She is like a lily, pure and stunning, blossoming and growing vibrantly because that's the only way she knows how._

 _She is the feeling in my chest, the feeling when I drive at dawn, the feeling when I am free, fleetingly, from the worries and weight of my world. She is light and love and happiness and beauty. She is the most precious thing in this world._

 _She doesn't know, doesn't know her truest beauty comes from the very inside of her. Her soul is stained with colors, hums arias, dances ballets. When she moves, I hear Mozart. When she dips her head to hide a smile, I see a Mona Lisa. When she sighs, pushing a bit of her hair back, I feel like I am beneath all the stars in the world, free and clear and wonderful._

 _She is art._

Tara closes the notebook, feeling a little stunned. Sometimes Jax's word shock her or stun her. Sometimes they make her happy, and more than once they've made her sad. But this, these words… Helpless laughter bubbles up and a moment later she's choking on sobs. She sits back and puts her head in her hands and lets herself break apart for a moment.

Then she stands, shakes her head, takes a deep breath, wipes away the tears and straightens her outfit out. She looks between the textbooks piled on the kitchen table and the little black notebook on the couch. She makes up her mind and grabs her keys.

* * *

"Hey." She knocks on Shea's flimsy apartment door loudly. "Shea, it's Tara."

"Hey." Shea unlocks the door, avoiding Tara's eyes. Her hair is messy, like she'd been laying in bed, and she'd wrapped in an oversized sweatshirt about some deep fried place, a large hole in one shoulder. Her thin legs protrude from sweatpants she's cut to the knee, feet in fuzzy socks. Her cheeks are hollowed out and deep bags contrast against her skin.

"Are you ok?" Tara demands instantly, rather than waiting.

"Yeah," Shea says, too quickly, disappearing into the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

"I'm fine." Tara looks around the messy apartment, littered with clothes and garbage, empty beer bottles and pizza boxes. "I wanted to talk."

"About?" Shea folds her arms defensively.

"I'm worried about you." Tara says frankly and Shea rolls her eyes. "I'm not mad, just worried."

"You're not my mom." Shea starts gathering up the clothes, throwing them violently towards an already overflowing hamper. "So stop acting like it."

"No, I'm your friend." Tara watches her, sitting on the couch. "And I care about you."

"Oh, cut the bullshit Tara." Shea spits, as a bottle shatters when it misses the recycling bin. "Fuck!"

"Ok, stop, before you hurt yourself or break a window." Tara orders, stilling her hands and getting to get a broom. Shea groans and collapses into a recliner, drawing her knees up to her chest. Tara sweeps up the broken glass and deposits it in the garbage before sitting on the edge of the armrest.

"I'm sorry, ok?" Shea bursts, once the silence is too much for her. "I'm sorry. I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I just want to hear that you're ok." Tara says frankly and Shea glowers. "It was just scary and I got worried."

"Well, don't." Shea rubs her forehead. "I do shit sometimes. I was just bored, ok? And Dom's a prick. He didn't mean to, he's just stupid. I don't need you to mother me. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Ok." Tara pats her head. "I just wanted to make sure you know that we're still friends and stuff. I was only mad because you scared me."

"Yeah?" Shea looks up at her with surprise. "You're not mad?"

"No, I am." Tara corrects, gathering up her stuff. "But you're still my friend Shea, even when you do stupid shit. So clean your shit up and let's see a movie Friday."

"Ok." Shea brightens, getting up and snatching up a pizza box. "Ok, yeah, that'd be fun!"

"I'll see you later." With a smile, Tara lets herself out. Outside, she rests her head on the wall, then steels herself and strides into the sunshine. Her second stop is the hospital, the doors opening with a whoosh of air and the smell of disinfectant. She smiles at the front desk, then makes her way to George's office. She knocks once.

"Come in." He calls and she lets herself in, pausing at the threshold. "Yes, Tara, they said you'd called. What can I help you with?"

"I want to know why." Tara declares boldly, clenching the straps of her backpack to keep her nerves contained. "I want to know why you're so interested in getting me to college. I can't pay you or anything, and I'm not going… To do… Things?"

"What?" He drops his pen, looking at her in alarm and she falls silent. "God, no, never! Tara, I told you, I have daughters. Who are smart and kind and funny and smart. You remind me of them. You're a good kid who deserves a chance. I think you'll make the most of it." He states and she nods, quiet. "Why?"

"Because I want to go to college." She squeezes her eyes shut as she says the words, afraid if she has to face them she'll run. "I want to get out of Charming. I want to do better. This is my dream and it has been since I was little. I want to do this."

"Good." George's voice is soft and his eyes shining. "Ok, then I promise to help you. Do you know where to start?"

"No." Tara admits, slowly sitting down in one of the leather armchairs in front of his desk. "No, that's why I came to see you. I've looked over the packets you gave me."

"Good." George nods. "That's good, did any stand out to you?"

"Yeah." Tara opens up her backpack, spreading the packets out on his desk. "Yeah, I really liked Santa Cruz's campus, but obviously Stanford is amazing, and Berkeley would be amazing, but San Diego has a great reputation…"

George walks her through the packets, chatting and talking about each, pros and cons and connections. Tara rules out a couple when she looks at the price tag nervously, shaking her head even as George reminds her of financial aid and loans and such.

"This is a great start." He tells her, when they've whittled into down to a couple choices. Tara stares at the packets in her hands. "Could you go visit any?"

"No." Tara laughs hollowly. "My dad isn't exactly going to offer to drive me to a college visit. I guess I'll know if I like it when I get there, right?"

"You'll do great wherever." He assures her. "Now you have to take the SATs and apply. How's your application looking?"

"I haven't started filling it out." Tara admits and he waves a hand.

"No, I know that. I meant, how are you doing in school? How do your transcripts looks? Activities? Honors, awards, the like?" He presses and Tara bites her lip.

"I'm valedictorian." She admits. "I'm yearbook editor and I'm going to join the math club and debate team. What else can I do?"

"Volunteering." George nods thoughtfully. "A little community service never hurts, especially when you've got a couple arrests hiding on your rap sheet."

"Shit." Tara breathes and George looks a little amused. "Are those… Are those going to mess up my chances?"

"No." He assures her. "I only know because Unser has a big mouth and frequent check ups. But that has to stop Tara."

"I know." She says instantly. "I know that. And I'm going to behave from here on out."

"I bet." George grins, then looks over the packets again. "I think you're in a good place Tara. You're going to have to start studying pretty hard for the SATs since it's in October. You can check out test books at the library. Keep your grades up."

"I will." She shoves everything back in her bag. "I will. Thank you."

"Call me if you have any questions ok?" He offers, searching her face. "Anything at all."

"Thanks." Tara bobs her head. "I'll go get the SAT prep stuff."

"Good." Then with a nod George dismisses her and Tara slips out of the hospital, headed to the library. She walks out with three thick books filled with test questions and vocabulary words. She walks into her house, setting them down next to her school books, glancing back at the black notebook, still in it's spot on the couch. Then with a sigh, she opens the first book.

 **AN:** Oh man, kinda my favorite chapter? Leave reviews!


	61. Breaking Point

The first month of school passes in a breeze. Tara feels like she's blinked and September is nearly over. It doesn't help that her every spare second is spent at math club, with the debate team, organizing honor society meetings, and more. If she's not at school, she's devouring SAT practice questions, quizzing herself. Donna is busy with her new job, the two of them exchanging little stories during the 45 minutes of yearbook before heading separate ways for the rest of the day.

She hasn't seen Shea, bailing on their movie date to study, but she's too busy to feel bad. She refuses to acknowledge the little nagging voice in the back of her mind that tells her she's avoiding her. Even her time with Jax suffers. He comes over in the evenings and helps her with flashcards, quizzing her quietly.

She knows tensions are going to come to head, and soon, but she knows she can't do anything to stop it. She rationalizes it as she works through the applications that occupy the large drawer in her kitchen, carefully noting her name and social security number, shattering a plate in anger when they ask about parents.

"Hey babe." Jax lets himself in on a Friday afternoon as Tara is immersed in biology.

"Bedroom." She calls idly and he walks back, grinning and launching himself onto the bed. "Jax! Papers!"

"They're just papers." He says dismissively, pushing them off the bed and Tara makes a noise of distress. "What?"

"I was studying them." She snatches them off the floor. "I have a test next Wednesday."

"So?" Jax looks genuinely confused. "Study Tuesday then."

"That's not how this works." Tara says, exasperated. "I can't just osmosis everything the night before."

"Look, you already know what osmosis is! What more could you need?" He asks, grinning and she rolls her eyes. "C'mon, come out tonight."

"I can't." She says firmly. "I have to study."

"Why?" He groans, rolling over. "All you do anymore is study! What are you even studying at this point?"

"Currently?" Tara casts a glance around her room. "Biology and thermodynamic physics."

"Boring." Jax declares. "Parties are more fun."

"Jax, I can't." She wavers when his fingers start tracing idly circles on her leg, but buries her nose in her book.

"Please?" He tries to sway her. "For me Tara, please? It'll be fun, promise."

"I can't." She mutters, concentration fast fading. "I can't, I have to study."

"Alcohol is a chemical. That's close enough." He teases, hand slipping between her legs and Tara's eyes flutter shut.

"Jax, I can't…"

"I think you can, Tara Grace."

When they're done, Tara wiggles out from under Jax's naked form to grab an errant paper that's slipped between her bed and headboard, flipping it so she can study the scribbles on one side. Jax lifts his head, staring at her in disbelief.

"What?" She asks, chewing on a hangnail as she reads.

"So what, first I'm not allowed to bring my girlfriend to parties or on dates, now I'm not even allowed to cuddle her?" He demands, affronted and Tara scoots closer to him, paper still held aloft.

"There. We're cuddling and I'm still studying. Besides, you had sex. What more do you want?" She points out and Jax pushes himself up off the bed, grumbling something, and snatching his jeans. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Out." He says bitterly. "To a party or something. Apparently I'm not enough anymore for you."

"Jax." Tara sets the paper down, looking at him with concern. "What's the big deal? You read bike magazines after we have sex all the time."

"It's different." Jax tightens his belt. "I'd never ignore you if you asked."

"I'm not ignoring you." Tara defends herself, affronted.

"Seems like you are." Jax yanks his shirt on, searching for his shoes. "Studying all the time, spending every afternoon with math nerds, fighting about greek philosophy and Roman rhetoric. I haven't seen you in weeks."

"I'm busy." Tara riles up. "I have a life, Jax! I have to study, get good grades, prep for the SATs, I can't just spend every day sitting around being your girlfriend."

"It'd be nice if you could just once." With that, Jax storms out, the walls shaking from the force of the slamming door. Tara stares after him, shocked, then sinks down amidst her papers, struggling to hold back tears. She lets herself be a little broken hearted, then with a deep breath, rouses herself and pulls her papers close to study.

She makes a frozen dinner by herself, tapping her fingers in a rhythm against the counter absentmindedly, looking out as the sky darkens to purple and a vibrant orange. She holds back a sad smile, thinking about how beautiful the sunset would look from her and Jax's cliff. When the timer dings, she tears her gaze away from the sky and grabs her half written paper, sitting at the table to eat and revise.

She's still up well past midnight, alternating between physics and SAT prep questions, swirling creamer in her rapidly cooling coffee. She wants to sleep, but she needs to finish the chapter and ten more questions, she tells herself as her eyelids droop lower. When she wearily checks the clock, it's 2:14 am. Yawning, she gets up and grabs her dirty dishes, heading for the kitchen.

She freezes when she hears someone at the door, trying to recall if she'd locked the door after Jax had left. She tries to calm her racing heart, assuring herself it's just Jax or Donna or maybe Shea, drunk and needing a place to crash. Even so, she's trying to recall if there's a weapon somewhere in the house- where does Jax keep that baseball bat?

"Dad?" She demands in relief when his large frame finally stumbles through the door. He grunts, nearly toppling over the couch before making his way to the kitchen. Tara moves aside, looking at him in astonishment. He looks like hell, dirty, with a beard and glazed eyes.

"Where's some fucking food in this damn house?" He demands loudly and Tara blinks, then points to the fridge. He wrenches the door open and she's frozen against the wall, torn between running and helping. "There's nothing in there." He slams it shut and rounds on her.

"I, uh, haven't gotten to the grocery store in awhile." She stammers.

"Fucking useless." He mutters, heading for the pantry and Tara's face falls, heart stopping in her chest. "What the fuck do you even do, sit at home on your ass, eating food that I pay for, that I give you, ungrateful little slut."

"Get out." Tara finds her voice. "Get the hell out and don't come back!"

"It's my damn house!" He roars back, but Tara stands her ground, defiant.

"You're drunk. Get out." She orders and he squints at her.

"You don't own this fucking house." He sneers. "Useless whore."

"GET OUT!" Tara bellows and he stares at her like he's just seeing her for the first time, eyes wide. "Get the hell out and never come back! I never want to see your drunk, worthless, piece of shit face again!"

"Bitch!" Tara has a millisecond to react before a plate comes careening for her head. It shatters against the wall behind and she looks at him, stunned. His chest is heaving, but after a beat, he grabs another plate and Tara's forced to duck again, arms protectively covering her head.

"Stop!" She cries. "Stop it, please!"

"Who do you think you are?" He yells, words broken by the tossing of plates and glasses. "Good for nothing, little—" He doesn't have a chance to get any other words out because a dark blur crashes through the kitchen and tackles him to the ground, hard.

It takes Tara a couple long moments to catch up and realize it's Jax, on top of her father, punching him furiously. She looks at him, stunned, but then her rationale brain kicks in and she darts into the middle of them, yelling.

"Jax! Stop it! Stop! Don't hurt him! Jax! Dad! Stop!" She's trying to get between the two of them, but it's hard to avoid the flailing fists and the kicking feet, so she stands back, helpless, until she can get her arms around Jax's arm and drags him backwards with all her might.

"Let go of me!" He bellows. "Let me go, I'm gonna kill him!"

"No!" Tara grabs his face, frightened by how feral he looks, eyes wild and hair disheveled, blood blooming from a cut to his eyebrow. He's practically gnashing his teeth, desperate to get back to Tara's father, who's crumpled on the floor amid the wreckage of the dishes.

"Tara." Jax calms slightly at the sight of her face and how she's unhurt. "He was throwing things. At you. Trying to injure you. I'm going to kill him, do you understand?"

"No." She says firmly. "No killing Jackson. He's my dad and you already beat the shit out of him, look." She gestures to the prone form, who looks to be unconscious and Jax exhales slowly.

"Tara, he could've hurt you. Seriously." He tries to rationalize. "If I hadn't decided to come back because Donna told me I was an ass, what would've happened? What would he have done?"

"Nothing happened." Tara tries to calm him, seeing the way his temper is rising once again.

"Yeah, tonight." Jax snaps. "Who knows about the future? Pack your shit. Now. Don't argue."

"Where am I going?" Tara asks and he looks at her darkly.

"You really think you're going to keep living here? Hell no. You're moving out. Right now." He orders.

"I beg your pardon?" Tara takes a step back, looking at him, offended. "What am I, your slave?"

"My girlfriend." Jax struggles to keep his anger in check, running his hands through his hair. "And if he had hurt you Tara, if he'd actually managed to land a punch or one of those fucking plates…" He looks at the glass shards murderously and doesn't finish his threat.

"Ok." Tara says to appease him. "Ok, you're right. I'll pack some shit and get out of the house for a little bit. That might be a good idea. You're right. But where am I gonna stay, Donna's?"

"No." Jax shakes his head, helping her step over the debris on the floor. "You can stay with Shea. Might be a good idea anyways to keep an eye on her. And your dad won't know to look for you there."

"Jax, he's not going to hunt me down." Tara protests, even as she throws random articles of clothing into a duffle bag.

"Yeah, and 2 hours ago I would've agreed that he probably wouldn't have thrown dishware at your head, and look where we are now." He says sarcastically and Tara quietly admits his point by continuing to pack. She needs three separate backpacks for her schoolwork and college items alone and Jax takes each one, looking more incredulous as she packs.

"What?" She demands, when he slings the one full of SAT prep onto his back.

"You're packing more books than clothes." He points out and Tara looks at him blankly then carries on packing.

"Well, I'm assuming I likely won't be let back into the house for awhile, so I best grab it all." She says tartly and this time it's Jax's turn to sit silently. When she's finally done, she looks at him pointedly and they walk back out.

"Will you make sure he's not dead?" Jax asks grudgingly and Tara sets down the duffle bag before kneeling at her father's side and checking his pulse carefully, before inspecting his injuries.

"Steady pulse, no terrible contusions. I bet you gave him a concussion and couple cracked ribs. Nothing he hasn't faced before." She mutters than slaps him until he grunts. "He'll take care of himself. Fine then, let's go."

"I'm sorry." Jax says, a little belatedly, as they load Tara's car.

"For?" She wonders pointedly. "Beating my father? Being an ass and thinking you can monopolize and control my time? Or leaving like that? Or whatever you did at the party tonight that I'm sure to hear about tomorrow?"

"All of the above." Jax sighs as he slams the passenger door shut. "I fucked up, ok? I'm trying to make it better."

"Ok Jax." Tara slides into the driver's side and starts the car. Unable to do anything else, Jax gets on his bike to follow her.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Shea asks, when Tara storms in, arms laden down with bags. "And you brought… Stuff?"

"Jax is moving me in with you." Tara declares and Shea keeps her mouth shut until Jax walks in with more bags, rounding on him.

"The hell Jackson?"

"Look, her dad is an abusive asshole." Jax informs her and Shea folds her arms, unmoved.

"Join the club."

"He threw plates at her head."

"Fuck, are you ok?" Shea turns to Tara in concern.

"Yes." Tara sighs. "But he's rarely home anyways, I don't see why I couldn't have stayed and waited until he left like always."

"Because I want to know you're safe, sorry if that makes me such a bad boyfriend." Jax says sarcastically. "And I'm not convinced I won't kill him on sight next time around."

"This is all too dramatic." Shea waves her hands. "Tara, you're welcome to the couch or whatever you want I guess. Apparently Jax is my new landlord."

"Club pays half the rent for this place." Jax reminds her and Shea makes a face at him.

"Yeah, and you're just a prospect. Don't let that last name make you too big for your birches there grunt. Does your mom know she's moving in?" Shea asks and Tara looks up at Jax, interested in this answer.

"Yeah Jackson, does she?"

"I'll talk to her." Jax says darkly, annoyed that the women in his life keep ganging up on him. "Now can you two just unpack and go to bed? Or do we want to yell at Jax some more?"

"I'm always down for more yelling at Jax." Shea sits, folding her arms, as Tara cleans the table of dishes and replaces them with her books.

"Well, Jax isn't." Jax says sharply. "Jax is tired and wants to go to bed."

"Let me at least clean the blood off your face." Tara insists and grudgingly, Jax sis and allows her to dab the gashes.

"Man, you guys bring all the excitement a girl could need into her life." Shea yawns, curling up in a chair. "I thought I was in for a quiet night and now all the sudden I have a roommate."

"I clean." Tara states. "I have school and homework and my extracurricular activities, but I can cook and clean to pay my rent."

"Well, look at that." Shea looks at Jax, eyes sparkling. "You did make a good choice for once."

"Go to bed." Jax orders. "Don't make me carry you to bed."

"You couldn't." Shea scoffs, but when she gets up, Tara is mildly alarmed to see how much the tee shirt she's wearing hangs off her. "Goodnight my new roomie. Wake me up with eggs benedict please."

"Goodnight." Jax slams the bedroom door behind her and turns to Tara. "Look, I know the couch isn't much, but I can get you nicer stuff tomorrow, I just need a little time."

"It's fine." Tara admits, thinking about her comfy bed at home. She should've had the foresight to bring her favorite sheets. Jax stays quiet as he makes up the couch for them and when Tara strips down and slides in, he sheds all but his boxers and joins her.

"I am sorry, you know." He whispers into her hair.

"For what?" She asks it without malice, just genuine curiosity. She wants to know what burdens Jax carries when it comes to her.

"Because I can protect you from a lot of shit, but not him." Jax snuggles her a little closer. "I'm sorry he's your dad, when you deserve better. I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"I know." Tara whispers and that's how they fall asleep, Jax's arms tight around her and Tara breathing affirmations to them both.

* * *

Monday at school means Donna, and she comes flying into yearbook, eyes wild. When she spots Tara, she hauls her up by the arm, yells some nonsense about needing girl supplies in the bathroom, and drags Tara to the bathroom without listening to a word of her protests.

"Where you going to tell me?" She demands.

"Tell you what?" Tara massages her upper arm gingerly; sure it's going to bruise by tomorrow.

"What happened this weekend." Donna folds her arms and narrows her eyes, glaring at Tara like she's withheld vital information. "Opie said Jax beat your dad and now you're living with Shea?"

"Jax overreacts." Tara rolls her eyes and turns to the mirror, inspecting her eye makeup. She'd forgotten her own and was forced to use Shea's this morning, who has a little more flair for the dramatic.

"Yeah, and it's easier to get a clam to open up. Damnit Tara, what happened? Are you ok?" Donna nudges her with her toe. "The way Op told it, it seemed like you barely escaped with your life."

"Isn't it funny how the boys are more dramatic than we are?" Tara muses and Donna throws her hands up, exasperated.

"Fine. You don't wanna talk about it? Let's not talk about it, never mind that I'm your best friend and I haven't seen or spoken to you in weeks." Donna snaps and Tara guiltily looks at her toes.

"Sorry." She mutters.

"Uh huh." It's Donna's turn to roll her eyes. "But just remember, your math nerds and debate buddies, they don't know what it's like to have a family member walk out on them. We do. Your family- we get it. So when you want to dismount that high horse you've been on since the start of the school year, I'll be here, gladly, to listen to whatever it is you need to say." With that, Donna flounces out of the bathroom. Tara takes a deep breath, leans her head against the cool mirror and tries not to scream, or cry, or both.

 **AN:** So I've been watching a lot of Shameless and I'm saying that it inspired this chapter but... Reviews?


	62. Family Meetings

Tensions run high the next couple days, but Tara isn't sure how to approach Donna and Donna, for her credit, doesn't make it easy. For the half days she's in school, she's surrounded by the wanna-be crow eaters, who look to her as their ringleader. Tara can't get close to her without braving the looks and whispers of girls who think she doesn't deserve Jax Teller.

Shea is even less help. Roommates though they may be, Shea is usually off at work or with her new group of friends, including the mysterious 'Dom', who shows up at random hours in the night to whisk her away but never comes upstairs to the apartment.

Tara upholds her end of the bargain, scouring the apartment as best she can while studying vocab words and calculus. It calms her mind, and provides her with a distraction when she knows that she can't call Donna to go get ice cream or wander around downtown. Finally, Jax forces them past the roadblock by calling what he terms a family supper.

"Jax is the dad." Shea declares. "But Opie isn't the mom. Donna's more the mom, but that means her and Jax would be together and that's just wrong. But Tara's the baby of this, so she can't be the mom, it doesn't make any sense to have a mom that's younger than us."

"I'm more responsible than all of you." Tara reminds her, as she sits down on the floor in front of the coffee table. Jax is bringing them plates of his ziti, while Opie follows with the garlic bread.

"What are we trying to do?" Donna asks, plopping down with a glass of wine, siting as far as she can from Tara while still being within hearing distance of the conversation and Tara sighs.

"Assign everyone roles within the family." Shea explains, as Jax puts the plates down in front of them. "Jax is the dad, you're the mom, but what does that make Opie and Tara?"

"Doesn't matter, you're the bratty, rebellious teenager." Jax declares, distributing garlic bread and Shea ponders that but can't bring herself to deny it. "Now shut up, I called the family meeting, I get to lead it."

"Yes daddy." Shea says promptly and Jax cringes.

"Don't call me that. I wanted to address the elephant in the room. Donna?"

"I beg your pardon?" Donna's fork clatters down as she stares, agape, at Jax, who flinches.

"Not my best wording. I meant, do you want to talk about your feelings?" He tries to correct and Donna glowers, making a show out of taking the smallest bite of ziti she can manage.

"Nice one." Opie claps his back.

"Ok then, I guess I'll begin." Jax sets his fork down and claps his hands together. "Shea, you're partying too much. You're skinny as hell, you don't keep a sleep schedule that even resembles consistent, and I'm hearing shit from Johnny. I think you need to dial it back for a couple weeks."

"Whoa, did you call this meeting just so you could bitch at everyone?" Shea looks at him in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"It's not just you." Jax says fairly, turning to Tara. "I want my old girlfriend back. The one who wasn't so obsessed with school that she neglected everything else. I think you're being a bit of bitch lately and I love you more than anything, so know that I mean that very nicely."

"Jax." Tara glares at him.

"You're being a bitch too." Jax points to Donna. "I love you like a sister, but you're nosy as hell. Stop putting your nose in other people's shit for two minutes. If they want to talk to you about it, they will. Tara would've told you about her dad, I'm sure she would've, but you're too damn impatient to let her do it on her own time, and then when she wasn't ready, you turn into Gemma 2.0 and don't even give her a chance to."

"Sorry?" Donna's cheeks and ears have gone red, an indication of her anger.

"What about me?" Opie asks, raising an eyebrow and using his garlic crust to soak up the extra sauce.

"You're my brother and I love you." Jax says as though it should be obvious and Opie chuckles, eating his bread. "Ok, girls, fight it out amongst yourselves but this needs to be solved by dessert."

"How dare you—"

"Absolute ass—"

"My business, my privacy—"

"My life, my future is—"

"Nose in the air—"

"Like my father—"

"None of your business—"

"So called friends—"

"Best friends, more like—"

"I didn't know how—"

Jax watches as three concurrent discussions play out in front of him, occasionally nodding encouragement as needed. Opie eats and drinks, looking less invested than Jax, but providing silent support when needed to Donna or Tara, depending on his opinion. Jax is correct however- by the time he's cutting the brownies, all three girls are on the couch, apologizing and promising to be better friends to each other with hand holding and hugs.

"You have a gift, you know?" Opie observes, as Donna laughs and steals some of Shea's brownie while she's distracted listening to Tara's animating retelling of the amount of hair she found in the drain.

"Tara thinks I'd make a good politician." Jax shrugs. "I guess I just like to see if my guess about how people are going to react lines up with how they actually do. Not a gift, just curiosity."

"Yeah, but you got all of them here and no one is ripping the other's head off." Opie observes in wonder. "Gift."

* * *

Things get better over the next couple weeks. Tara balances school with friends by attending clubs and doing schoolwork until Donna is off at the bank. They cook supper together, and then someone makes sure that Shea actually eats it. It seems to work well, and tensions ease. Until the boys decide to go New Mexico.

For club stuff, they call it. Club business, but they're just going to a trade show. Nothing sinister in a trade show, just bikers swapping lore and tips. Tara wants to believe that, but something in Jax's nature tips her off that this may be more than they're telling her. She doesn't press them however and Thursday night they take off. Donna proposes a sleepover and Shea agrees, but not before telling them that she's going out with other friends Friday night, but the rest of the weekend she's theirs.

Donna decides on wine and toenail painting, declaring it a girls weekend in honor of those they did before they started dating and got distracted by the boys and parties. Tara agrees, happy to take a night off of studying. They're tipsy, toes painted, and watching old episodes of M.A.S.H. when the telephone rings. Tara jumps, staring at it in astonishment.

"Christ, I didn't even know we had one of those." She mutters, getting up, careful not to smudge her toes.

"Shea didn't show you?" Donna asks, surprised, and Tara snorts, picking her way over to the receiver.

"Shea can barely find the shower." She remarks, picking the phone up and answering it with a, "Hello?"

"Hello, to whom am I speaking?" The voice on the other end is cool, calm, collected, and utterly professional. This, and the fact that it's near 3 am, tips Tara off that this isn't a normal call.

"Uh, Tara Knowles. Who's this?"

"This is Nurse Holly, from the ER down at St. Thomas's. Do you reside at this residence?"

"Um, yeah." Tara turns to Donna, who's wide-eyed and curious, lips already forming the question of who is calling at this hour.

"Well, it seems we have a young lady in the ER who's in need of treatment. This number and address was written on her arm. Do you think you could come in and identify her?" Holly asks, still gratingly polite and Tara's world is spinning wildly enough that she has to grab the edge of the counter to stay upright.

"Shea?" She demands. "Shea? Is it Shea? What's she in the hospital for?"

"Well, she's had her stomach pumped. She has alcohol poisoning. And we had to administer a drug to reverse the effects of an overdose. She's pretty lucky she was found by an off duty EMT. She was in an alley."

"She was where?" Tara asks hollowly, thinking of what Shea had been wearing when she'd paraded out the door, a pretty, glittering dress and sparkling shoes. She'd laughed and made a joke about baiting stupid boys. "Did you say drug overdose? Alcohol poisoning?"

"What?" Donna leaps up, now concerned. "Who? What? Where?"

"Miss, could you come down to the station and identify her please? We need a name and information." Holly keeps her on track and Tara latches onto this plan to focus on her immediate next steps.

"Yes, of course. Yeah, I'll be there soon. I just, uh, I have to call her… Family. We'll be there soon." Jerkily, Tara hangs up, and Donna is there in an instant, all questions and worry.

"What was that-who's in the hospital-what's going on-are the boys ok-where are they?"

"It's Shea." Tara says, through lips that don't seem to want to work properly. "She's in the hospital. I guess it was pretty serious. We have to go… Identify her."

"Identify her body?" Donna shrieks and that brings Tara back to earth, slams her back into her role as responsible young adult.

"No." She says bracingly. "No, no, it just means that she's unconscious. Grab us some sweatshirts. I need to call someone."

"Who?" Donna asks, already clambering for the clothes in a pile by the TV. Tara picks up the phone and stares at the buttons she's about to dial. They're familiar, but now they just seem dangerous.

"Gemma." Her words sound very far away, even to her own ears. "Shea's going to need her when she wakes up." And with that, she forces herself to pick up the phone and dial the home phone of Gemma Teller. It takes till nearly the last ring, but finally the line clicks through and a sleepy voice on the other end asks,

"It's three in the morning. Who the hell is calling me?"

"Gemma?" Tara is shocked at how normal her voice sounds, all things considered and Donna stops all movement in the living room, distracted by watching what promises to be a show down. "It's Tara. Tara Knowles."

"Why the fuck are you calling me?" Gemma sounds just about as shocked as Tara feels, though she hopes it doesn't show. "Is it Jackson?"

"No." Tara takes a deep breath. "It's Shea. She's in the hospital. They called her apartment and I answered."

"Why?" Gemma demands and if it had been any other circumstance, Tara would've taken a moment to berate Jax mentally for not having the balls to tell his mother about her living with Shea. Now, however, is not the time.

"Donna and I were here, but that's beside the point. She's in the hospital. It was bad. They need us to come down. Can you join us?" After a long hesitation, she adds, "Please?"

"St. Thomas?" Gemma's tone is clipped, but no longer holds the trademark sneer she reserves for her interactions with Tara.

"Yes."

"I'll be there before you." Gemma hangs up.

"Doubt it." Tara huffs into the dial tone, then hangs up and grabs the sweatshirt Donna throws at her. "C'mon, we gotta speed." With no regard to their smudging toenails, both girls sprint for Donna's car. She careens around corners and has hardly pulled into parking space before Tara has shot out of the car and towards the doors of the emergency room.

"I need to talk to a nurse Holly." She says loudly, eyes darting around the room to see if Gemma has indeed beat them. She relaxes marginally when she doesn't see the leather and tattoos of Jax's mother.

"Are you Tara?" A nurse looks up from the station. "Did I just speak to you on the phone?"

"Yes." Breathless, Tara races over. "Shea, my friend Shea, she's the one you called about."

"Are you not immediate family?" The nurse looks at her skeptically. "I'm sorry, I can't release information to anyone but immediate family."

"She's not family." A loud voice says behind Tara and her stomach sinks. "I am." Gemma has arrived, striding in. Donna is a half step behind, looking a little alarmed. "Now take me to her."

"And you are?" Holly asks, looking at Gemma skeptically.

"Legal guardian." Gemma declares and Tara's jaw drops. "Kinda like an aunt. Her dad's out of town, left me in charge. I'm trying to get ahold of him, but he's in New Mexico, little out of range. Take me to her."

"Ok." The nurse stands and Tara takes a step back, looking at Gemma helplessly. Gemma doesn't even throw a triumphant smile over her shoulder as she goes and somehow that's worse. Tara sinks down on the hard, plastic waiting chairs of the ER, hand covering her mouth.

"Why did you call her?" Donna asks, without judgment, watching the doors Gemma and the nurse have disappeared through.

"I thought she'd know what to do." She says quietly.

"You had to know that she was going to do that." Donna turns to look over her shoulder at Tara. "Right?"

"Honestly?" Tara puts her head in her hands. "I don't think I know anything about how far Gemma would go."

They wait in the uncomfortable chairs of the ER, dozing lightly against each other's shoulders, waiting and refusing to believe that Gemma will prevent them from seeing Shea. Finally, nearing 5 in the morning, the nurse reappears, seemingly surprised to see them still there.

"Can we see her?" Donna asks, bolting upright. "Is she awake?"

"Groggy." The nurse warns them, leading them back. "She hasn't had a lot of sleep honestly. I wouldn't be surprised if she is very out of it, but yes, Mrs. Teller has said that you should get to talk to her before we sedate her again."

"Did she?" Tara mutters darkly and then remains silent until they're at Shea's room. When the nurse lets them in, Gemma excuses herself for coffee and leaves pointedly. Tara stays stiff as a board until Gemma's out of sight, then races to Shea's bedside and Donna does the same.

"Are you ok?" Donna asks, though the question is a little useless. Shea looks awful, battered and bruised; there are dark rings under her eyes and a large scrap on her forehead, like road rash. Her arms, thin and pale, are hooked to several monitors, needles poking into her veins. Her cheeks are gaunt and her hair is limp. The white hospital gown and sheets do nothing for her complexion, but she manages a wry smile.

"Mhmm… Ok."

"You gave us a little scare." Tara whispers, running her hand over Shea's hair. "We were a little worried."

"Oh." Shea's eyes droop.

"It's fine, it's fine." Donna takes her hand and rubs it gently. "We're here now, and so are you."

"Gemmy?" Shea asks, struggling to cast her eyes around the room and Tara's heart breaks even if as her teeth clench.

"Yes, she's here. She'll be right back, I promise." She runs another hand over Shea's hair. "You want to sleep now? I think that'd be good."

"Ok." Shea closes her eyes fully and after a moment, she's fast asleep. Tara stares over her at Donna, but her attention is diverted to Shea, like she can't believe what she's seeing. Both girls sit in silence until Gemma returns, holding a singular cup of coffee.

"She asleep?" Her question seems to be directed at Donna, who rouses herself and nods, sitting up straight. "Good."

"When's her dad coming back?" Tara asks loudly and Gemma looks at her as if she's something dead and rotten found in a basement.

"When the rest of the club does." She tells her slowly, as if Tara is slow. "Tuesday."

"He's not coming back sooner?" Tara demands, astonished. "His daughter nearly died!"

"It'll take more than that to kill her. She's a fighter." Gemma looks down at Shea with something akin to fondness and it's a startling expression to see on Gemma's face for Tara. She has always been sure Jax is the only thing Gemma is capable of feeling emotion for. "No need for him to come back. I'll take care of her."

"She nearly died." Tara says from between gritted teeth. "A father should care about that."

"Her father," Gemma places heavy emphasis on the words. "Has more important thing to do. She's fine."

"She overdosed!" Tara is screaming and she can't stop herself. Donna sits between the two of them, looking startled. "SHE ALMOST DIED! SHE SHOULD HAVE! SHE IS NOT FINE!"

"Mind your tone." Gemma doesn't have to raise her voice, not when it could cut glass. "She's sleeping."

"She's sedated!" Tara's bordering on hysterical now and she feels, vaguely, Donna's hand on her forearm, but she can't stop the words now. "Look at her, she's a ghost, she's dying, and you're over here acting like she fell down and bumped her knee! This fucking club. This fucking life, you fucking did this to her, you did this, you're a monster, you're a fucking MONSTER!"

"Tara!" Donna yells urgently, gripping her arm so tightly that tomorrow, bruises will be sure to mark her. "Stop!"

"Get out." Gemma looks akin to a murderess, dark eyes flashing, teeth clenched, hands balled into fists. "Get out, you worthless little skank. You don't know shit, you never will."

"I know this." Tara straightens up to her full height, looking Gemma dead in the eye. "I am better than you. In every single way. And I will, if it kills me, make the people around me better too. I'm not going to be poison in their lives, like you. Shea is never going to do drugs again. And Jax is never going to turn into the man you want him to be."

"How dare you." Gemma hisses, taking a step towards her, but Donna steps between the two of them so quickly Tara doesn't even have time to react. Donna is just there, eyes wide and face pale, but looking up at Gemma with an expression that wavers between fear and determination, before settling on resolve. Gemma stares down at her before stepping back.

"Call us if Shea needs anything." Donna says quietly. "We're going to go back to the apartment and get some sleep." Gemma says nothing, turning back to Shea and smoothing her hair back. Donna escorting Tara out of the room and says nothing until they're out of the hospital and into the car.

"Thanks." Tara mutters, once Donna's settled on a radio station and is heading back for the apartment.

"For?" Donna sounds too offhand, too casual, and Tara knows it has to be the stress and the emotions of the night, so she reaches out and takes her hand gingerly. Donna stares straight ahead.

"Tonight was horrible for you. I bet you were really scared and freaked out and then I had to go and start a fight with Gemma that you had to get in the middle of and I know that couldn't have been fun. So I'm sorry. And if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm here." After a long pause, Donna squeezes her hand then looks at her with tears in her eyes.

"Were you scared too?"

"Terrified."

"Tara, what if we lose her?"

"We won't." Tara scoots to wrap her arm around Donna's shoulders awkwardly as Donna navigates through the deserted Charming streets. "I promise you, we won't let anything happen to Shea. Or the boys. Not now. Not ever. We're going to get through this, as a family. And not our bullshit biological families. Me, you, Jax, Op, Shea, we'll get through it. Together."

"That was so awful." Donna rests her head on the steering wheel at the stoplight and Tara rubs her back. "I mean, I've seen my mom bad but that… That was… That was awful."

"We're going to fix it." Tara whispers, and repeats that all the way home. "We're a family. We're going to fix it."

"We need to call the boys." Donna says suddenly, as though she's just remembered they exist. "They'll come home."

"Will they?" Tara wonders, and her tone is bitter. "Or do you think the club comes first now?"

"No." But Donna looks unsure. She parks and Tara gets out, slamming the door and fishing the keys from her pocket.

"Exactly." Tara marches inside and Donna follows. Tara collapses on the couch and sighs, running her fingers through her hair. Donna picks up the phone Tara had discarded; dialing a number she's pulled from her pockets. Tara watches her wearily.

"Hi, my name is Donna, I was wondering if you could connect me to a Harry Winston? He's staying in your motel… Maybe he's under Opie Winston? No? How about a Jackson Teller? Yes. Can you please send me to their room? Yes, I know what time it is. Please, just… Ok. Thanks."

"Did you get them?" Tara asks and Donna shakes her head.

"No, it's ringing, he—Oh. Jax?"

"Give it to me." Tara scrambles over the couch and grabs the phone. "Jax!"

"Tara?" Jax sounds bewildered. "It's not even 6 in the morning, what the hell is going on?"

"Shea overdosed." She doesn't bother to sugarcoat it. "You need to come home, she's in the hospital."

"What?" There are several loud thumps and bangs, then muffled cursing that can only belong to Opie. "Shea what?"

"Overdosed." She enunciates clearly. "On drugs and alcohol. She's in the hospital right now."

"Did you tell my mom?"

"Yes." A flare of annoyance rises up in her. "I know when to tell your mother things, unlike you, who apparently never bothered to tell her that—"

"Yeah, yeah." Jax cuts her off. "Is she ok?"

"No." Tara looks at Donna, speechless with anger. "She fucking overdosed on drugs, does anyone care that—"

"Is she conscious?" Jax demands.

"She was, before your mom kicked us out of the hospital room!"

"Ok." Jax must be covering the receiver because Tara can hear him talking to Opie, but she can't understand the garbled words. Donna presses her ear to the phone as well, frowning. "We'll be home Tuesday babe, I'm sorry."

"Are you kidding me?" Tara shouts and Donna jumps back, startled. "What if she dies? You're just going to stay with the club?"

"Tara." Jax says, in his best soothing tone. "She'll be alright, and my mom is there. There's no need for us to rush home and—"

Tara hangs up in disgust, throwing the phone as hard as she can onto the couch. It bounces and lands in a pile of dirty clothes Shea had dumped on the floor. Donna looks at it then back at Tara before wrapping her arms around Tara and the pair of them sink to the floor, Tara weeping, Donna with tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

 **AN:** Not gonna lie, kinda a favorite chapter and I'm pretty excited to hear your reactions so... Reviews?


	63. Rehab to SAT

"What are we going to do, send her to rehab?" Donna asks, as Tara paces back and forth.

"Yeah, like we can afford to send her to rehab." Tara snorts, not breaking stride. "Besides, do you really think she'll go?"

"No." Donna rubs her temples. "I wish the boys were here."

"Why?" Tara glares at the picture of her and Jax tacked to the fridge door. "They'd probably tell us we're overreacting, that it doesn't matter, that she'll get over it, it's not a big deal."

"Tara, they wouldn't." Donna protests, without much conviction. "Shea's like their sister. They care about her."

"Sure they do." Tara doesn't bother denying that. "But caring about her and wanting what's best for her are two different things. They don't see anything wrong with her using drugs Donna."

"I'm sure they know it's bad." Donna looks doubtful.

"Clearly not bad enough to come home!"

"Ok, ok, ok." Donna stands and intercepts her pacing. "Stop, you're exhausting me. What can we do?"

"I don't know." Tara slumps against her. "I have no idea how we're going to help her honestly."

"Well, we have a couple days before she gets out of the hospital." Donna reminds her. "And the boys will be home in a couple days."

"We need to handle this before they get home." Tara says firmly and Donna eyes her for a long second.

"Tara, why?"

"Because if we don't, then Jax is going to just let Gemma do whatever the hell she wants anyways." Tara takes a deep breath to calm her rising anger. "And I'll be damned if I let Gemma fuck Shea up anymore than she already has. We can handle this."

"Ok, well, how about Shea comes home and I stay with you guys and we just do rotating shifts of who stays home to make sure she's not using?" Donna suggests and Tara looks at the stack of books on the counter.

"But you work and I have school and my tests are coming up and we can't babysit all day long." She reasons and Donna sighs.

"Then I don't know what we're going to do Tara."

"Me either." Tara slumps down and puts her head in her hands. "How the hell would we ever know what to do?"

* * *

Shea gets out of the hospital a couple days later. Gemma arrives, helping the still skinny and weak Shea up the stairs to the apartment, carrying a duffel bag in the other hand. Tara and Donna hang back in the kitchen, watching and waiting for someone to break the awkward silence that has fallen. Finally, Shea looks up at them with a smile.

"Hey, heard you two visited me in the hospital. Thanks." She says quietly and Tara nods, eyes on Gemma.

"You kind of gave us a scare." Donna tells her, tears clearly threatening.

"Oh, that." Shea waves a dismissive hand, gingerly sitting down on the couch. "Yeah, I figured I did."

"We want to know how we can help." Tara says boldly and both Gemma and Shea look at her, Gemma with a sneer, Shea with confusion.

"Help?" Shea asks.

"Help you get clean." Tara walks over to sit beside her, taking Shea's hand in her own. "You need help Shea."

"I know." Shea looks at them in bewilderment then turns to Gemma. "Didn't you tell them?"

"No." Gemma says shortly, gathering up clothes and shoving them into the duffel bag.

"I'm going to rehab." Shea turns back to Tara and Donna, who stare at her, both silent, stunned.

"How?" Donna asks finally.

"Gemma got me in." Shea's eyes dart to Gemma's back as she continues to pack, acting as if she can't hear any of them. "I'll be there for a couple months, it's not a big deal at all. I just need to get my shit together, ok? I'll be fine, I'll be home before you know it."

"It's not that." Tara struggles to find that right words, to clearly state how hurt she is by this, by the fact that it doesn't even seem to matter to Gemma that she and Donna had wanted to help. "We're your family Shea, we—"

"She's got a family." Gemma straightens up, turning to glare at Tara furiously. "And we take care of our own, no matter what you think. She's going to rehab. She'll be fine. Now c'mon Shea, you have to be there by 8 and it's an hour drive." Gemma sweeps out, slamming the door.

"I'll be back in the blink of an eye." Shea promises, clearly misunderstanding the look of sadness on Tara's face. "I'll write to you guys. Tell the boys I said bye, ok? Donna, walk me out?"

"Sure." Donna glances at Tara, then helps Shea stand. They leave, and when the door closes, Tara throws a photo of Shea and Gemma, shattering it against the wall. It does nothing to help the swelling rage in her chest.

* * *

When Opie and Jax come home, she doesn't say a word to them. Jax hardly seems bothered, seemingly chalking it up to her intense studying for her tests. When the weather starts to cool, Tara sits down for her first standardized test, nervously fiddling with her pencil, trying not to remind herself that her future college plans hinge on this test.

The pencil slips between her fingers, her palms damp because she's nervous. She tries to take deep breaths, calm herself and focus, remember all the tips and tricks from her study booklets, but suddenly the clock has started and she's furiously trying to read essays and scribble out equations. Sometimes she has a few moments to go back through her answers, double-checking them, but mostly she flips through the last questions as the timer beeps.

She walks out of the test in a daze, brain feelings like mush. She stumbles to her car, getting in and driving without comprehending what's going on in the first place. After a few long moments, she realizes she's heading towards the hospital, not Jax's house.

"Tara?" Dr. George looks surprised to see her.

"Just got done testing." She sits down in the chair across from him, rubbing her temples, too tired to try to explain.

"Ah." He nods sympathetically. "I know the feeling. Doesn't get any better, I'm afraid. You'll take the MCAT one day, that's a real bitch."

"Great." Tara mutters and he grins.

"So why are you here?" He asks, not unkindly and Tara pauses, unsure of her reasoning herself.

"Guess you're the only one I can talk to about this stuff." She admits, thinking about how she hasn't told Jax any of her plans.

"I heard you were in here a couple weekends ago." He says carefully. "Small hospital and the nurses gossip. For a friend?"

"Oh, yeah." Tara bites her lip. "My friend Shea just mixed up in some bad stuff, accidentally. She needed some help, but she's getting it now. It wasn't a really big deal."

"It seems like a big deal." He looks at her in concern. "You're working so hard in school and you were preparing for this test. It must've been hard to have something like that happen too."

"It's not a big deal." Tara thinks about her screaming match with Gemma. "It didn't hurt my test score or anything, I promise."

"Tara," He gazes at her seriously. "I'm not talking about test scores or grades. I'm asking about you, as a person. Are you ok?"

"I…" Tara hesitates. "I think so. She's getting help now. At least, I think she is. I don't know. But I know that she doesn't take my help, so what can I really do about it at this point?"

"You're a good friend." He pats her hand. "And you'll get your test scores back and I'm sure you'll have done wonderfully. Have you started thinking about places that you want to apply?"

"Actually, yeah." A smile crosses her face. "Yeah, I think I want a big school. I'm sick of Charming, you know? I'm sick of everyone knowing everyone's business and talking about stuff and small town. I think it would be cool to go to a place where no one knows my name. Or my dad's."

"That's a good plan." He chuckles. "Big schools mean more competitive admissions processes."

"That's fine." Tara's got a glint in her eyes. "I want to see what I can put myself up against. And besides, big schools mean access to better and bigger research equipment."

"A good point." He leans back, nodding. "Alright then, which schools are you thinking about?"

"UCLA, UCSD, and USC."

"All good schools." He ponders it for a moment. "But I can't help but notice, all California schools."

"Out of state tuition." Tara shakes her head. "I could never afford it. And if I'm going to go through med school? I need to minimize my debt as much as possible. I can't afford anywhere else."

"You are smart." He looks at her appreciatively. "Well, go look at what items you need for the admissions process. I'd be happy to help. But you have to do something first."

"What?" Tara questions, hesitating in getting out of her chair.

"Go home. Take a nap. Eat a bowl of ice cream." He grins at her. "You've been working too hard, you've earned it. I don't want you flaming out on me or anything. Go, rest up. Call me if you need anything."

"Ok." Tara smiles. "Ok, I will. Thank you!"

"See you soon." He waves her out.

She heads home, imagining exactly what she's going to do. A hot bath. With ice cream. It doesn't even matter if it's going to melt. Ice cream drizzled in chocolate sauce, with lots of whipped cream on top. Maybe even some bubbles in her bath, if she can find them. And then, a nice long nap, which is exactly what she deserves after today. She's so distracted by her fantasy that she doesn't even notice that the apartment door is unlocked and Jax is sitting inside on the couch, watching an old cop show.

"Jesus Christ." Tara jumps at the sight of him, hand coming up over her racing heart. "Jax, what the hell are you doing in here?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't have a key?" He looks at her in bewilderment. "Of course I have a key."

"I know that." Tara sets her stuff down on the table heavily. "I meant why are you here?"

"Little harsh." He gives her a sidelong look. "But I figured since you're finally done with that big test that's had your panties in a bunch for the last months, you'd finally want to do something."

"Yes, I know exactly what I want to do." Tara opens the freezer. "I want ice cream and a warm bath, then I'm going to take a nap."

"Ok, but why don't you come out with your friends like you use to?" He mutters darkly and she makes sure to rattle the bowls loudly as she pulls it from the cupboard.

"Because I spent 4 hours this morning testing my brains out." She says tartly. "And I don't want to go stand at a party or in a bar or wherever you're going to drag me. I want to have my ice cream and a nap."

"You're acting like a bitch lately." Jax twists to glare at her.

"I'm acting like a bitch?" Tara demands incredulously, ice cream forgotten. "How about the fact that you're acting like a jackass?"

"Are you still mad at me for not coming home for Shea's little accident?" Jax rolls his eyes. "Tara, I told you, I had club shit. It wasn't that serious."

"It was an overdose." Tara is struggling to keep a grip on her temper. "And by nature, those tend to be kind of serious!"

"There's been worse." Jax brushes it off like it's nothing and Tara scoops herself a bowl of ice cream, fuming. "Or are you just mad because I called my mom and she handled it?"

"No." Tara throws the ice cream scoop in the sink, making it clatter against the other dishes. "Because I'm a bitch, you're a jackass, and your mother is a evil, leather wearing, she-devil. Guess we're all even."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Jax gets up, grabbing his keys. "Take that fucking nap then, you're in an awful mood anyways. Wake up on the right side of the bed, or at least try."

"Get out." Tara points to the door. "Get out, I'm not kidding. Leave, now, Jax. I've had it."

"Fine." Jax spits. "But don't expect me back tonight."

"Good." Tara slams the door behind him. She's so angry; it takes her until she's drawing a scorching bath to realize that tears are streaming down her cheeks into the water.

* * *

She doesn't talk to Jax or anyone else the rest of the weekend. She catches up on her overdue homework, burying herself in schoolwork to avoid the knot of hot anger that seems to continuously burn in her chest. She walks into school Monday morning to sly glances and whispers. Unbothered, she walks into yearbook, where Donna intercepts her with wide eyes.

"Can we talk?" She asks, in a voice that warns Tara it's not a question at all, but an order. She lets Donna march her to the bathroom.

"What's up?" Tara sits on the edge of the sink as Donna checks the stalls, making sure no one is straggling after the bell.

"I have some bad news for you." Donna informs her; once she's decided the coast is clear.

"Is Shea ok?" Tara asks instantly.

"Yes." Donna fiddles with her hands. "But uh, Tara, this weekend, did you and Jax fight?"

"Sorta." Tara rubs her forehead. "I was in a bad mood after my tests and I've just been so mad at him about this whole Shea thing I guess we kinda snapped at each other but I didn't think it was a big fight."

"Well, I think you underestimated how hard Jax took it." Donna bites her bottom lip, uncomfortable. "There was a party at the clubhouse this weekend."

"So?"

"So some girls were there. And Jax got pretty drunk. And you know how Jax gets when he's drunk." Donna flinches when Tara's face goes white, then her fists slowly curl.

"I do." She says icily.

"I just wanted to warn you." Donna pats her shoulder. "You know how the girls talk here."

"I do." She repeats, mind already distracted. "I really, really do."

"What are you going to do?" Donna asks worriedly.

"Nothing." Tara grabs her bag, slinging it onto her back. "Jax wants to be a little slut, then fine. Let him. I've got homework to turn in."

"So you're just going to let him get away with it, you're not going to even say a word to him?" Donna follows her out of the bathroom, jogging to keep up with Tara's long strides.

"Oh no, I'm not going to say a single word to him." Tara declares, detouring into the lockers. "Not at first. Was it Pricilla?"

"Yeah." Donna wrinkles her nose. The freshman had made her admiration and desire of Jax clear over the summer.

"Good." Tara says savagely. She snakes her way through the lockers, until she gets to the smoker's corner, where kids hide from teachers in nooks, smoking and laughing. Pricilla stands in the middle, a hickey displayed prominently on her neck, grinning with a cigarette in hand. Donna hangs back, watching as Tara steps up and without warning, swinging her backpack so it knocks Pricilla to her feet. Everyone scrambles away as Tara grabs her by the hair.

"What the fuck, you psycho bitch!" Pricilla yells. Tara grins down at her then punches her in the face. Blood streams down her chin as the younger girl is left gasping.

"Don't fucking touch Jax anymore, you hear it?" Tara gets up. "Touch him again and it'll be way worse."

"And here I was worried you two were going to break up." Donna follows her as Tara heads for an exit.

"We still might." Tara warns her and Donna snorts with laughter.

"No, not when you fight that hard for him. C'mon, I'll get your hand cleaned up before you clock Jax tonight."

"Why, what's tonight?" Tara glances at Donna as they exit the building. Donna grins at her, fishing for her keys.

"Opie and I's housewarming. I moved in with him."

"You did that two years ago." Tara reminds her in confusion.

"We're making it official." Donna rolls her eyes. "You're coming and you're either going to make up with Jax or kick him in the balls. I'm fine with watching both honestly."

* * *

"Easy." Opie takes the knife from her as she dices the potatoes violently. "Doesn't take much to take off a thumb."

"Seen it happen?" Tara asks bitingly.

"No and I don't have desire to." Opie begins chopping himself. "Though if you're going to dismember anything on Jax, let it be his toes."

"Why?" Tara asks, confused.

"He needs the fingers for work and if he loses his dick, he's going to be crabby." He states factually. "Let it be the toes."

"Guess Donna told you about my meltdown." Tara rubs her forehead, embarrassed and Opie grins.

"I thought scrappy Tara Knowles had disappeared, I'm glad to know it isn't so." He pats her shoulder, then slides the potatoes into the boiling pot of water. "That, and I punched Jax last night for you."

"Maybe I should date you." Tara muses and he grins, shrugging and kissing Donna's head as she sets the table.

"Hey guys." Jax sulks in, avoiding Tara's eyes. "Supper ready or what?"

"Yeah, it is." Donna folds her arms. "Did you bring a gift?"

"A what?" Jax looks at her, bewildered. "Why would I do that?"

"Tara did." Donna points to the flowers in the vase in the middle of the table. "You buy gifts for people when they move in together."

"You guys have been living together for years." Jax slumps into a chair. "Forgive me if I don't get all bent out of shape now that Donna's mom finally went off the deep end."

"Hey." Tara says sharply. "Don't start that."

"Oh boy." Donna scoots Opie out of the room. "Go, go, go."

"How was your day?" Jax questions sarcastically. "Have fun?"

"Oh, I did, but probably not as much as you had last night when you were fucking that skank." Tara puts her hands on her hips. "Was it good Jax? Was it everything you ever wanted?"

"I wanted you." Jax's eyes flash. "I wanted you and you're too busy with all your other shit. I haven't seen you in months."

"Have you ever considered that maybe I don't need to be glued to your side at all times?" Tara glares.

"I think that I should get to see my girlfriend!"

"Then don't spend your time fucking skanks!"

Twenty minutes later, Tara and Jax are sitting next to each other, eating the mashed potatoes and chicken, debating with Donna and Opie which of the Godfathers movies is the best. Donna watches Tara with a small smile, looking up at Opie and nudging him.

"I love when they fight and make up." She says and Opie kisses her forehead.

"Ah, kids."

 **AN:** Oh hey, sorry this is kind of a downer chapter, but yes, I think I am going to stick with canon... But I promise! Good things to come! Yell at me in reviews!


	64. 2315

The next couple weeks pass in a blur of school and tests. With Shea gone, Jax spends most evenings with her. Tara is busy with schoolwork and before she knows it, Jax is striding into the apartment carrying a bundle of mail, including a thick envelope with her test results in it.

"This important?" He asks, waving it. Tara squeaks, diving to grab it out of his hands, staring at it in astonishment.

"Yes, these are my test results!" She informs him. "It's very important. Oh my god, I'm so nervous. I did so badly. I bet I did awful. I can't even open it." She drops it and covers her face.

"No, you did great." Jax wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You studied like crazy, there's no way that you didn't ace this thing."

"It's not a letter grade." Tara gingerly picks the envelope back up as Jax goes to get a beer. "It's a number."

"Well then you got 100%." He says, popping the top.

"Not out of 100." Tara pulls the tab of the envelope up, hands shaking.

"Why'd you take that anyways?" Jax asks her as she pulls the papers out. "Like, what's it for?"

"It's called the SAT, it's for getting into college." Tara says distractedly, eyes scanning the page, looking for the number.

"Are you going to college?" The tone of Jax's voice makes her stop, looking up at him. He's holding his beer, face closed off, across the kitchen from her. Tara's brow furrows.

"Yes, of course I am."

"Did you think to talk to me about that?" He points out and Tara's jaw drops.

"Did I have to?" Tara demands, incredulously.

"Well, considering that's your future we're talking about, I thought I might get some say in it." Jax spits.

"My future." Tara tosses the paper aside with her rising anger. "My future Jax, not yours."

"I thought they were one and the same. Clearly I was wrong." Jax sets his bottle aside. "Never mind that you're living in the apartment my mom pays for, I buy you food and clothes, I do everything for you, and now all the sudden you want to act like you did this on your own?"

"I did." Tara hisses. "I only came here because you told me I had to! God Jax, do you even hear how controlling you sound right now?"

"Do you hear how selfish you sound?" He retorts. "Tara, I just wanted you to tell me what you're planning but you act like you have to keep everything secret and behind our backs."

"Because if I didn't, you'd react like this." She points out and he raises an eyebrow.

"Would I? Or am I doing this because you didn't tell me anything?" He grabs his stuff. "Hope you got a good score on the test. Sorry for trying to be supportive." With that, he storms out. Tara stares at the door in disbelief for a long moment, before remembering what sits on her counter.

She picks up the papers again, thumbing through them. Her heart pounding, she unfolds it, eyes searching for the number. When she spots it, the papers flutter out of her hands, slowly drifting to the floor as Tara stares down at them, eyes glazed over with shock.

* * *

"2315?" George looks up at her, astonished. "Tara, that's… Amazing. That is an excellent score, you should be insanely proud of yourself!"

"Is it good enough for the good schools?" Tara asks, pacing. "Will it be enough to get me full rides?"

"In conjunction with your need, your grades, and your extracurricular activities yes, Tara, this will get you into college. It is a very, very good score, do you know that?" He's still looking at her in amazement.

"I could've done better." She flaps her hands. "I was nervous, if I retook it I bet I would be more composed but—"

"Tara." He says sharply and she stops pacing, looking at him. "It's a good score. Will you stop for a minute and just celebrate?"

"I can't." She slumps in a chair, rubbing her forehead. "Jax and I got in a fight before I came over here. He thinks that I need to consult him about me going to college, how stupid is that?"

"Does he not want you to go?" George questions and Tara shrugs.

"I don't think it's that entirely. But I don't know if he's excited that I am. He said that we should've made the decision together." She mutters and George carefully sets aside the paper, folding his hands in front of him.

"Tara, listen to me please." He says seriously. "You are brilliant. You are smart. You are talented. And I cannot sit by idly to watch you let some boy control and dictate your future. You have the brightest mind I've ever seen. Don't neglect it because of him."

"It's not just because of Jax." Tara blurts out. "It's because of everything else, it's because if I go, I don't have a family there, I have to start over, I have to do everything on my own."

"And that's scary, I know." George says soothingly. "But Tara, that's what other people are here for. I'm going to help you apply for schools. You'll have an admissions office to help you get in. You'll have RA's and new friends and professors and TA's and a whole new support system. But to get to them, you have to leave Jax and Charming."

"What?" Tara looks at him and George frowns.

"Tara, going to college, this isn't Charming Community College. You know you're going to have to leave." He says slowly. "And at risk of offending you, I don't think Jax is going leave with you or maintain your relationship. You need to look at me and tell me that's a sacrifice you're willing to make."

"I… I… I… Need time." Tara stammers, getting up and walking out of the hospital in a daze. She wanders down the street, lost in thought.

Leaving Jax. Leaving Charming. Never coming home, never coming back. No Jax, no Donna, no home, no family, nothing. She knows exactly what will happen if she goes to college. Donna will see it as yet another abandonment and will never speak to her again. Opie will side with his girlfriend and best friend, and he'll be angry with her because they are too.

Jax will be broken. They've been each other's partner and sidekicks for the last two years. She sleeps next to him, knows how he likes his pancakes. They talk constantly, about anything and everything. He's her best friend. He's her world, and she knows she's his as well.

Separation. Total and complete. That's going to be the only way to do this. If she's going to get out, she's going to have to do without looking back. She can't hesitate. She's just got to do it. Cut and run. Leave and go. No matter the cost to her heart, she's got to leave.

Who says she even wants to leave? Who says she even wants to go? She loves Jax. He loves her. She could just stay here, forever, being his happy girlfriend, then his happy wife. They'd have a big family, just like Jax had always wanted. She'd learn to get along with Gemma, raise babies alongside Donna, find a place in the club. She'd learn to be happy.

No she wouldn't. She's wanted this since her mother passed away, since her father disappeared into the bars and never came out, since forever. This has been her goal; it's the point of all her studying. If she doesn't go to college, what has been the point of the last 4 years?

She keeps walking and thinking, going over the pros and cons in her head until she finally looks up. She's standing in front of the cemetery where her mother is buried. After a long pause, she opens the gate, walking in. She doesn't visit her mother's tombstone often, but she knows the way- last row, seven in, white marble with a simple name and date.

She sits in front of it, tracing the flowers that are etched under 'Grace Knowles' gently. She doesn't know what to say, so she sits quietly, leaning against the cold stone. For a couple long minutes she sits in silence, and then she finally lets her thoughts spew out.

"Mom, I don't know what to do. I'm confused. And a little scared. I've got that chance to finally do all I've ever wanted and dreamed off… God, when I was little, you were always there. Reading me books, helping me with homework, encouraging me, and now you're gone and I'm just here alone.

"What do I do? This is all I've ever known mom; I've never even left California. Now I have to uproot everything and go and I don't know what to do. I love Jax mom, I do. I really, really do. He's my soul mate. I don't even care if I sound like a stupid 16 year old when I say that. It's true. He is the one for me.

"I know I can ask him to come with me. I know that sounds like an offer, like it'd be a completely valid thing to ask him. But mom, it's not even possible for me to ask my boyfriend, who claims to love me unconditionally, to make a sacrifice for me. He can't, because he's tied to Charming.

"That's the thing mom. No matter what he does, no matter what I do, now matter how awful we are to each other, I love him. I love him more than anything and I forgive him for so much shit. I want to be mad at him for this. I want to be mad at him for putting club shit first, for cheating, for all the dumb shit he does. But I can't because he's everything to me.

"So here I am mom, all twisted and confused. You and dad, you always wanted college for me. You wanted me to go, and do good, before you died and dad turned into the man he is today. You're not here now to help me, help me see a way out of Charming. I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am anymore. I guess I just miss you."

She falls silent, looking at the name and the date of the gravestone. She remembers that day, when she was a little girl, how her family seemed to drift past, like she was invisible. To everyone expect Jax, who noticed her, and protected her, even back then. With a sigh, she heaves herself off and sets off in a familiar direction.

"Hey." Jax seems startled to see her, but let's her in quickly. "My mom isn't, uh, here."

"I know." Tara states. "Her car and Clay's bike are gone. I figured they were at the clubhouse. We need to talk."

"About?" Jax sits next to her, looking worried.

"Our fight." Tara declares. "It was really shitty of you Jax, to make me feel bad when I should've been happy about doing good on my test."

"I know." He hangs his head in shame. "I know Tara, I really, honestly do. I just… I was scared. I've been pretty scared lately and I guess I keep lashing out on you and it's not fair."

"No, it's not." She says bluntly. "The cheating, the attitude, everything else, it has to stop Jax."

"Tara, I told you, the cheating was a one time thing." He promises. "I was drunk and stupid. It'll never happen again. And I swear I'll be supportive about stuff, it just feels like you're pulling away from me."

"I'm not." Tara leans forward and kisses his forehead. "I mean, you need to stop acting like a dick and be more understanding, but Jax, I love you. I love you more than anything."

"I love you too." He pulls her close. "And you were right about the Shea thing, it's fucked up that we didn't stop her sooner but then my mom gets all involved, and you're right about my mom controlling everyone but she just does it because she means well, you know?"

"Sure." Tara struggles to keep her comments in check when it comes to Gemma. "I just want things to go back to normal, ok? I mean, my SAT is done, I just have school left. Things are going to be fine between us, right?"

"Right." Jax kisses her again. "And we'll just deal with other stuff when we get to it, right?"

"Right." Tara says, snuggling into his arms. He feels like home. And Tara's not sure if she's ready to leave home just yet.

* * *

"Hey babe." Jax enters the apartment, grinning.

"Hey." Tara looks up and grins at him, accepting his kiss before he sits on the couch next to her. "What's up?"

"Thought I'd distract you from some studying." He pulls her close and she sets aside her history notes.

"I could use a little break. How was work?"

"Oh man, we're fixing up this sweet bike." Jax says dreamily. "It's totally old school, super retro. I can't wait to have a bike like that when I'm older."

"Glad it was a good day." Tara tells him and they lapse into quiet, both comfortable with the silence.

"Hey, it's Thanksgiving tomorrow." Jax states and Tara looks up from the documentary she'd put on in the background to help herself study.

"So?"

"So it's kind of a big deal. And I don't want you spending it all alone here, having a frozen pizza." He says and she rolls her eyes.

"What did you think I was going to do, go home and spend it with my dad? I'm sure his Thanksgiving will be of the liquid variety." She mutters darkly.

"No, I want you to come to my Thanksgiving." He invites her. "We always have a bunch of people. Donna and Op, guys from the clubs, other kids, it'll be fun. You should come?"

"Are you crazy?" Tara looks at him in disbelief. "Jax, do you remember all the other times I've gone to the clubhouse? How much your mother hates me?"

"She doesn't hate you." He waves a hand. "Besides, even if she did, it's Thanksgiving and you don't have plans. C'mon, there's always a billion people at our house then anyways. You'll blend right in, she'll hardly know you were there."

"I don't think it's a good idea." Tara says slowly.

"Please babe?" Jax begs. "Please, I want you there. So do Donna and Op. it'll be just fine."

"Ok." Tara says reluctantly and Jax grins.

"It's going to be good."

"I'm so glad you came!" Donna yells when Tara walks into the house. Tara looks at her in astonishment, because despite Donna bellowing, Tara can hardly hear her over the noise of the house. Kids run past screaming, men argue in the living room, and the kitchen is a riot of women. Jax bounds over from where he was deep in conversation with a man covered in tattoos and picking his teeth with a long hunting knife.

"Hi babe!" He kisses her cheek.

"I brought a fruit salad." Tara holds out the bowl, uncomfortable. Donna claps her hands.

"Oh, good, we can bring it to the kitchen."

"Go." Jax encourages her when Tara throws him a panicked look. "Go, go, go, no one's going to bite."

"No, but someone might shoot." She mutters under her breath, following Donna anyways. Thankfully, Gemma seems to be hidden amongst the chaos and Tara slips the bowl amongst the other salads, trying to sneak back out.

"Donna!" One of the crow eaters yells. "Can you mash the potatoes?"

"Sure!" Donna smiles and turns to Tara. "Wanna help?"

"Shouldn't I, you know, be with Jax?" Tara points out, wanting to run before she sees Gemma.

"Nah." Donna loops her arm with hers. "Let the men be men. Besides, it's good to be helpful."

"Good to be helpful." Tara repeats, taking some potatoes. "Good to be helpful."

They work in relative peace for a couple minutes, since everyone is mostly distracted by other problems- the turkey nearly burns, some kid named Jimmy cut his foot, two kids get in a brawl, and a folding chair is smashed, though no one will confess to who did it. Tara watches it all, wide eyed.

"Lot to take in, huh?" The crow eater from before asks.

"Uh, yeah." Tara tries to avoid her eyes, looking down at her new project- slicing cheese for a meat and cheese tray.

"Yeah, spooked me a little too. You're new here, aren't you?" She asks and Tara glances at her. "Your outfit, it's too conservative. Christ, you're young. You even legal?"

"Uh, no." Cheeks flaming, Tara concentrates on the cheese. "I'm not a crow eater."

"Oh, my mistake." She waves a hand. "You can call me Dee. What's your name, not a crow eater?"

"Tara." She guides the knife so the slices are even.

"Oh shit, Tara? Like thee Tara? Jax's Tara?" Dee looks surprised.

"Yes." Ears burning, Tara fans the cheese out on the tray before grabbing the next variety.

"Shit." Dee looks at her, impressed. "Gemma know you're here?"

"Jax invited me and probably neglected to tell her." Tara can't hide the sigh. "He does that a lot."

"Well you're lucky she's interrogating the guys about the chair thing." Dee snorts. "Sit at the kids table, you blend in better."

"Thanks?" Tara asks slowly and Dee grabs the stuffing and winks, disappearing. Tara finishes the tray, then goes to carry it into the living room. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Gemma, in a deep red dress, staring at her, and so is the rest of the club.

"I broke the chair." Opie says hastily. "It was me, I did it."

"Jackson." Gemma doesn't break eye contact with Tara, even as Tara carefully sets the tray down. "What's she doing here?"

"I thought I could invite my girlfriend to Thanksgiving." Jax says casually, walking over and pinching some cheese between his fingers. "You invite the rest of Charming."

"Tara, good to see you." She recognizes Unser, who raises a beer to her. "How's your dad?"

"Still drunk and disorderly." The retort slips off her tongue before she can stop it, but he chortles and so does the rest of the room, stopping the growing tension. Jax grins at her and Gemma huffs, stomping to the kitchen.

Jax takes her around; introducing her to people she hasn't met yet. She can't keep the bikers and their girlfriend's straight, nor can she sort of what kid belongs to who and any of their names. She settles for smiling and nodding, sitting at Jax's side when they all sit down at the big table to eat.

"Hey, shut up." Clay calls over the din. "I want to say a few words."

"Hurry up!" Someone yells back and everyone laughs.

"I'll keep it quick." Clay promises, grinning. "I just want to say that I'm thankful for my wife and my queen Gemma, for this wonderful food made by some sexy ladies, for a table full of my brothers, and for another year spent on our bikers. Drink up and dig in."

"Hear, hear." They chorus, before the table devolves into a feeding frenzy. It's all Tara can do but sit back and watch as knives and forks flash, buns are tossed from one end to the other, and glasses clink for impromptu toasts. Jax sits beside her, grinning at it all, and she realizes just how much he loves it here, with the club, being the prince.

When the utensils finally settled and the meal is over, the men migrate towards the back porch and Tara watches helplessly as Jax follows suit, leaving her to the mercy of the women. She looks around frantically, trying to spot Donna, or at least Dee, but the dining room is a flurry of crow eaters clearing away plates and leftover food. Tara carefully gathers up her own items and carries them into the kitchen, feeling lost.

"Hey sweetie, can you dry?" A crow eater asks, tossing her a towel.

"Sure." Glad to at least have something to do with her hands, Tara steps up to the sink, not noticing whom she stands next to.

"You have some nerve showing up in my house." Gemma mutters and Tara resists the urge to jump.

"Jax invited me." She says calmly, trying to still her racing heart. Gemma hands her a glass and Tara wipes it, checking out of the corners of her eyes if anyone seems to be able to hear them. "If you don't like that, take it up with him."

"No, I'm going to take it up with you, bitch." Gemma scrubs cranberry off a plate. "He may have invited you but you should've turned him down. You're not welcome here, you know that."

"I seemed pretty welcome." Tara's anger is rising and she's fast losing her resolve to be civil with Gemma. "Don't make this dramatic. It doesn't have to be. I'll finish with the dishes and go."

"You better fucking go." Gemma hands her the plate. "Coming into my house with my family?"

"What is the problem?" Tara hisses. "Jax loves me. I love Jax. You love me. Why can't you lay off for one minute?"

"Because I see what you are." Gemma turns to her, eyes cutting through her. "Some uppity bitch, hell bent on taking Jax away from what's his. What I tried to build for him. You fill his head with poison and lies, all because you think you're smarter than us. Well news flash, you're not. And you'll see that Jax will never, ever love you more than this club."

"New flash." Tara sets down her dried dish. "He already does. And when I take him away from you, away from Charming, there won't be a fucking thing you can do about it."

She storms away, leaving Gemma's astonished face behind. She catches Jax talking to Donna and Opie, smiling up at all of them, trying not to let her face betray the turmoil she feels inside.

"Hey, I saw you doing dishes with Gemma. Smoothing things out?" Donna asks hopefully.

"Something like that." Tara lies. "We should go though, before we get wrangled in the rest of the clean up effort."

"I can attest to that." Jax leads them to the door. "Hey, I'm glad you came, it means a lot." He says softly, as they head for their cars.

"Of course." Tara smiles up at him brightly. "I love you, do you know that?"

"I love you too." He kisses her head. "Meet back at the apartment?"

"Following you there." She says sweetly. As she watches the motorcycle wind it's way through the streets, a goal forms in her mind. She's leaving Charming. She's going to college. And she's taking Jackson Teller with her.

 **AN:** In reference to a couple reviews and comments I've been getting, I wanted to add a little note- I am trying to keep this as close to canon as possible. That means showcasing some of the ugly, unhealthy aspects of teen relationships. As someone who's been in a couple obsessive, codependent, very toxic relationships herself, I'm trying to keep things as real as possible. This is not to say I don't love Tara/Jax. If I didn't, I wouldn't be writing this story. But I think the beauty of them on the show was that they'd grown in the ten years apart. I'm just trying to lay the foundations for why they love each other so much that they still feel a spark all these years later. Make sense? Let me know in reviews!


	65. Christmas Cookies

"I'm… Dreaming… Of a white… Christmas…" Tara warbles, grabbing the sprinkles out of the cupboard and tossing them on the table next to the frosting. "Just like the one… I use to know…"

"That's a lie. You grew up in California." Tara gasps and turns around at the voice. Shea stands in the doorway, still a little pale and a little too thin, but on her own. "You've never seen a white Christmas a day in your life."

"Shea!" Tara screeches, diving for her, grabbing her in a hug and holding tightly. "What— What are you— What are you— Here!"

"Hi." Shea rocks back and forth with her. "You're, uh, squishing me."

"Sorry." Tara releases her quickly, stepping back and looking at her in disbelief. "I had no idea you were coming home! You are coming home, right? You're gonna stay?"

"Of course." Shea pats her cheek. "I graduated rehab and everything. Let me throw my stuff down."

"Of course." Tara ushers her in.

"What are you doing?" Shea wonders, glancing at the mess in the kitchen and Tara smiles.

"Christmas cookies and opening gifts. Jax and Donna and Opie are coming over. It's perfect timing, you can do them with us!" Tara proclaims, delighted.

"Oh, great." Shea rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "Just what I want to do."

"Go get cleaned up." Tara orders sternly and Shea goes, grumbling but smiling.

* * *

"I hear there's going to be cookies." Jax yells, when he walks in.

"Not like your fat ass needs them." Shea chirps up from the couch and Jax does a double take.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I got out you asshole." Shea stands and opens her arms. "Give me a hug brat."

"Hey." Jax pulls her into a tight embrace, grinning while Tara watches happily from the kitchen. "Glad you're back."

"Me too." Shea sits back down as Jax goes to give Tara a kiss.

"Donna's gonna flip her shit." Jax informs her and Tara nods.

"It's gonna be great."

* * *

"Shea!" Donna screams the second she spots her. She tackles Shea into a hug on the couch and Opie waves, holding a bag with gifts in it.

"Uff— Hi." Shea is buried beneath Donna, looking at them over her shoulder with wide eyes. "Hi Donna."

"We missed you." Donna kisses her head. "You're back to stay, right?"

"Yeah." Shea's face softens into a smile. "I hear we're doing cookies."

"Oh no." Donna stops, looking at her in horror. "We're doing presents too! And I didn't get anything for you, I didn't know you'd be here in time, oh my god, Shea, I'm sorry, I'm such a bad friend, I'll go right now and—"

"Donna." Shea cuts her off with a hug. "Donna, quit it. You don't need to buy me anything. I'm just happy to be home."

"Are you sure?" Tara demands. "We can go to the store right now."

"I'm sure." Shea pulls them all into a tight hug. "You assholes are enough for me."

They make cookies, shouting at each other when frosting and sprinkles are stolen. Tara ends up with frosting on her nose and Shea groans loudly when Jax licks it off. Opie just gives up after his second one, content to let Donna do the rest, watching them with a beer in hand. At the end of it all, they have a plateful of star, tree, snowman, and gingerbread man cookies.

"Can we do presents now?" Donna demands, careful not to spill her drink as she settles between Opie and Shea on the couch.

"Why not?" Jax agrees, snagging a cookie before getting the gifts from the bag.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Tara demands of Shea, who shakes her head.

"I mean it. Listening to you guys bicker and be all cute and coupley… It's enough." Shea assures her. "I've missed being home."

"We missed you." Donna kisses her head and then claps her hands. "Presents!"

After the gifts have been opened, they settle down to watch a movie. Opie sits on one end of the couch and Shea on the other, Donna curled up between the two of them. Jax and Tara are snuggled in the chair together, beneath a quilt. Tara looks out over the group, noticing how content they all seem. Donna is drifting off into sleep, lulled into it by Opie repeatedly running his fingers through her hair. Shea is watching the movie, nibbling on a cookie.

Jax has his arms wrapped around Tara and he's absentmindedly stroking her shoulder, also focused on the movie. Tara wishes that she could relax, sink into the moment, but all she can think about is the stack of papers in her desk drawer. Her college applications, neatly folded into envelopes.

She should mail them. She's been meaning to mail them since Thanksgiving. January first, the start of the new year, is her deadline. But each time she goes to do so, something stops her. She tells herself it's school, how busy she was with studying for finals and ending the semester on a strong note. Or it's some crisis, like when Donna's mother had to go to the hospital for pneumonia.

She doesn't want to admit that it's a fear of failure. That if she applies and doesn't get in, she will never leave Charming. She will marry Jax, work part time, have his babies, and never be anything more than a wife and a mother. She wants more than that and she wants it so bad that it burns in her heart when she tries to sleep at night. She's terrified that she will never get a future.

"So how was rehab?" Jax asks Shea quietly, startling Tara out of her thoughts. Shea glances at him, then rolls her eyes.

"It was rehab, you dick. There was a lot of cliche nonsense. One day at a time, stronger than you think, let go and let god, all that shit." She mutters and Opie glances at her.

"Well, are you?"

"Am I what?" Shea avoids their eyes.

"Letting go and letting god." Tara watches as Shea plays with the blanket.

"I don't believe in god." Shea makes a face. "I'm handling my shit though, if that's what you're asking."

"Of course you are." Opie says easily. "But it's been 48 hours since you've been out."

"I know." Shea snaps. "Which means I didn't need you picking at my sobriety."

"No one is picking at anything." Tara tries to soothe her. "We just want to make sure that you know you have us. You have support."

"I know." Shea's shoulder's soften. "I do, really. That's why I wanted to come back here so much. Because I trust you guys. This is good. Everything is good. I'm happy to be home."

"Yeah, we're glad you're home punk." Opie nudges her with his toe and they all pause to see if he's woken Donna up. She snores lightly and they grin.

"There's a whole thing in rehab, about how you should see your sobriety as a whole new lease on life." Shea says softly, once quiet has settled. "About how you should be extra grateful for things that you can do sober. Shit that you've got the chance to do, that you wouldn't or couldn't do high or drunk or whatever."

"Like what?"

"Go hiking again." Shea smiles at Tara. "Sit down with friends. Be around family. Watch sunrises and sunsets. Shit like that. But I dunno, it kind of works for me honestly. Thinking about shit to come. I'm going to have a good life, I just have to get through this crap."

"Yeah, you will." Opie reaches over and squeezes her shoulder. "Just keeping thinking about all the stuff you want to do."

"I love you guys." Shea says quietly.

"We love you too." Tara smiles at her, but her thoughts are still on the applications in her room.

The next morning, she gets up and slides out of bed. Jax is already up, and she knows he's likely riding his bike all over Charming, enjoying the dawn. It's his time, always has been. Tara yawns and stretches, wondering if she should make breakfast or if Jax will grab her something to bring home for her.

She pauses in the doorway to Shea's room, smiling at the bundle of blankets in the middle of the bed. Already her clothes are scattered around the room haphazardly. Hurricane Shea has landed. Tara gathers up what she assumes are dirty, adding them to her laundry pile.

Then she moves on to cleaning up the living room, noting that she needs to vacuum where Opie was sitting. She tosses beer bottles and folds blankets, brushing crumbs onto the floor to be sucked up later. She's just moving on to cleaning up the kitchen and it's cookie mess when Shea stumbles out, yawning.

"Morning."

"Hi." Tara looks at her in surprise, then checks the clock. 9:48. "You're up early." She recalls when Shea once slept till 3 in the afternoon.

"Rehab time." Shea shuffles into the kitchen. looking for coffee. "They make you get up in the morning and talk about your feelings and shit. It's annoying but I'm in the habit now."

"It's good for you to not sleep the day away." Tara declares. "More time for us to do fun things. What should we do? Go to a movie? For a walk? A run? Get ice cream?"

"Tara." Shea grabs her face, grinning at her. "I'm not going to go shoot up just because you're not constantly occupying me. Let's make breakfast and catch me up. I feel like I just did 90 days in jail."

"No, jails actually let people visit." Tara mutters and Shea grins at her.

"Damn, sassy. I take it your war with Gemma did't have any peace talks while I was gone?" She questions.

"The exact opposite." Tara rubs her forehead. "I think we dropped a couple bombs. I went to Thanksgiving."

"Fuck, how'd that go?" Shea raises an eyebrow.

"Badly." Tara gives her a look as if to say don't be dumb. "She called me names, I decided that I was going to prove her wrong, I tried to tell Jax how unhealthy their relationship is but of course, he thinks she's an angel."

"Well that's Jax." Shea shrugs. "He's kind of blind to her faults. It's his mom. She's done everything for him since he was a baby. Fight it all you want Tara, but you're the woman he's coming in, not the one he came out of."

"Shea!" Tara yelps and Shea grins, wrapping her in a tight hug.

"God, I've missed you."

* * *

Christmas passes by quietly. Jax doesn't make the mistake again of asking Tara to his family events, so instead she and Shea spend a cute day hanging out, eating Chinese food, and watching movies. The rest of their group joins them in the later afternoon, stealing egg rolls. Eventually, the conversation turns to New Years.

"We have to have a party." Jax states, as though it should be obvious.

"Maybe some of us," Donna jerks her head towards Shea in an entirely obvious fashion. "Don't want to party."

"I'm fine to party." Shea says mildly. "You guys usually don't have hard drugs there. And besides, I'll have like two whole beers the entire night, promise."

"Are you sure?" Tara asks worriedly. "We can hang out here if you'd rather."

"Guys, I'm sober, not sick." Shea cracks up a fortune cookie. "Look, my fortune even says I should. 'An event will bring you great happiness.' That's a sign, we need to have a party."

"It doesn't actually say that." Opie scoffs and Shea hands it to him with a pointed expression. "Oh, fuck, it actually does. What should we do?"

"I don't know." Jax ponders it thoughtfully. "We could have something at TM."

"At the clubhouse?" Tara twists to look at him. "What, your mom and Clay would let you?"

"Good point." Jax broods. 'It's not warm enough for the cabin."

"Why don't we do it at our house?" Donna suggests.

"Host a party?" Opie gives her a skeptical look. "This isn't a nice dinner party, it's a house party. With people breaking shit. And throwing up. And fucking in our bed."

"No one will fuck in our bed." Donna says firmly and Tara, Jax, and Shea snort. "Except us. No, it'll be fun! We can keep it small."

"We," Jax gestures between himself and Opie. "Don't throw small parties."

"Well we," Donna gestures to herself and Opie. "Do."

"Don't take my best friend away from me." Jax says, affronted.

"You'll get over it." With a smirk, Donna gets up and struts into the kitchen.

"So party at my place then." Opie grins, shaking his head. "That girl."

"I love you baby!"

"Love you too baby girl."

* * *

"Hey," Tara says to Shea later that night, as they fold laundry. Rather, Tara folds, Shea watches, eating leftover cookies. "Question."

"Yeah?" Shea doesn't bat an eye.

"If you…" Tara says carefully. "If you had a chance to go to college, would you?"

"I couldn't even handle high school." Shea reminds her with a laugh. "How would I have ever done college?"

"But hypothetically." Tara presses. "Like if it was your ticket out, would you take it?"

"I don't know." Shea finishes off the cookie, deep in thought. "I guess people think it's the end all for education and life. Go to college, live happily ever after. I don't believe in that, I guess. But sometimes I wish I had more concrete reasonings for getting out. Something that could keep me out, instead of drawing me in again and again."

"But what if you tried and failed?" Tara asks and Shea shrugs.

"I tried and failed at being sober and look at me now. Doesn't seem to matter, you know? What else are you doing? Just pick yourself up and do better." Shea grins at her. "Right?"

"Right." Tara thinks of the envelopes in her bedroom and she stands, grabbing her pile of clean clothes. "Hey, I'm going to go for a walk."

"Want to grab me a new magazine from the gas station down the street?" Shea requests.

"What, are your legs broken?" Tara calls back.

"You're the one already going for a walk!"

"Fine." Tara grabs a jacket, slinging the backpack full on her applications on. She reaches her hand out and Shea glances at it, then her face.

"What?"

"Money." Tara explains. "I'm not buying your crap."

"You're a tight ass." Shea complains, rummaging in her pockets before handing Tara a couple crumbled bills.

"You love me." Tara grins and heads out. It's only a couple blocks to the nearest drop box and she opens the bag, taking a deep breath and looking at the applications. Her neat handwriting, the addresses of the schools in the corner, the thick, heavy weight of it in her hands. Then, before she can second guess herself, she shoves the envelopes through the slit.

She runs all the way to corner mart, sure that if she stops, she'll turn around and attempt to yank them back out. She leans against the wall, breathing heavily. When she doesn't feel the urge to vomit or run or freak out, she straightens up with a smile. Shea is right. She's got this. And if she does is fail, she'll try again.

"Do you think this is too much?" Donna asks, looking around at the house. Tara follows her gaze, taking in the balloons, streamers, and confetti littering various surfaces.

"Yes." She says frankly and Donna rolls her eyes.

"Well, you don't like decorating, so I'm not taking your opinion into account." She declares sagely and Tara gives her an exasperated look.

"Then why even ask?"

"It's polite!"

"I just don't think anyone is going to appreciate them." Tara says patiently. "You know that people are just coming here to get blackout drunk. They don't care about watching the ball drop and stuff."

"Well, maybe my decorations will make them." Donna says stoutly and Tara bites back a smile, organizing the booze on the counter.

"Ok, door's locked up." Opie declares, walking out with power tools. "Double locks, deadbolt. Whole nine yards. No one is getting in there." He slips a chain with keys on it over Donna's head.

"So romantic." Tara says dryly as they kiss.

"I think so." Opie deadpans and Tara grins at him, making a face.

"We brought booze!" Jax declares loudly, storming into the house with outstretched arms.

"I brought it." Shea follows behind them, buried under grocery bags. "You didn't do shit."

"I paid." Jax says, affronted.

"Yeah, for the bottom shelf shit! And who brought it to the car and brought it in?"

"No my fault I'm on my bike, ok?"

"Jackson, I swear to god, if you—"

"Ok." Opie steps between the two of them, grabbing the bags and helping Shea. "Quit."

"Yeah." Shea sticks her tongue out at Jax. "Dad said quit."

"He would make a good dad, wouldn't he?" Donna observes thoughtfully and Tara looks at her, alarmed.

"What?"

"He'd make a good dad." Donna repeats. "He parents Jax and Shea enough."

"Are you thinking about having kids?" Tara asks, eyes wide and Donna shrugs.

"I mean, if I got pregnant now, I'd still be able to graduate high school." She muses and Tara nearly drops the bottle she's trying to hide in the back for herself.

"You're not going to get pregnant." Tara stares at her in disbelief. "You are not!"

"Not yet." Donna waves a hand. "But babies are so cute! And Opie and I would have the cutest babies, wouldn't we?"

As she flounces away, Tara picks up her bottle and takes a long pull, shivering at the taste. Still, it's better than thinking about Donna and Opie having a child.

* * *

The party fills up with people, mostly high schoolers and others that the boys know. Donna and Tara agree to rotate keeping an eye on Shea, but it turns out to be unnecessary. They find her out back, smoking cigarettes with a short, round redhead. She winks and shoos them away.

"Think she's gay?" Donna hisses to Tara as they both peer out the window.

"Thinking Shea can make her." Tara snorts, and they both duck when Shea glances their way.

As the last seconds of the clock tick down, Tara stands in the living room with Jax and everyone else, watching the ball drop. She glances back at Jax, who's plenty drunk by now, grinning down at her.

"What are your resolutions this year?" He asks and she ponders them, wondering if she should spill the truth. Go to college. Leave Charming. Take him with. Spite Gemma. Open her eyes. Travel. Drink less. Study harder. Have less fear. But she doesn't tell him any of those. Instead, she smiles up at him and answers,

"New year, new me."

"I love you." He whispers and bends to kiss her when the ball drops amongst cheering. When he finally lets her go, she kisses his nose.

"I love you too."

"Want to go have some fun?" He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Jax, we can't." She laughs. "Didn't you see Opie making their bedroom into Fort Knox?"

"I have the key." Triumphantly, he pulls the chain and key from his pocket and Tara gasps.

"How?"

"Donna is a very touchy drunk." He reminds her. "And I learned to pickpocket at a young age."

"You're awful, Jax Teller." Tara informs him, following him to the bedroom nonetheless.

 **AN:** So I know some of y'all don't like the direction I'm going in, to which I can only say I hope you keep reading and see. Also, I've been cheated on and dealt with a crazy attached mother, so some of these things are coming from personal experience and let me tell you- there are no lengths to which a guy won't go to get your forgiveness back and there's no end to how blind he can be if it involves his mother. Reviews?


	66. Red Roses

School resumes, and so with it, their lives. Shea reclaims her spot as the fifth wheel with relish, and Donna settles further into her role as Opie's pseudo wife. Tara, unburdened by studying, can spend more time with all of them. They fall into a steady routine, until it's mid-February and Tara arrives home to bouquet of red roses.

"Oh, Jax shouldn't have." She beams, bending down to smell one. "Aren't these beautiful?" Shea pops up over the couch.

"Oh," She says awkwardly. "Those… Aren't from Jax."

"What?" Tara stops, leaning back, looking at the roses then at Shea in confusion. "Is… Opie giving… Donna flowers… Here?"

"No," Shea is bright red. "No, they're from, uh… Ellen."

"Ellen?" Tara stops, then rummages through the flowers, until she finds the card. She looks at Shea in astonishment, and then reads the card aloud. "Shea, thank you not only all that you do, but all that you are. For you, with love, Ellen'. Shea, who the hell is Ellen?"

"No one." Shea mumbles, bright red. "She's a friend."

"A friend that says with love?" Tara gapes at her. "Shea, who in the hell is this? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No!" Shea protests and Tara throws the card at her.

"You have a girlfriend!" She yells. "Oh my god, is it the girl from New Years? The one you were sitting with?"

'Yes." Shea throws her arm over her eyes and she's laughing and grinning. "Yeah, her name is Ellen. She's cool, we're just hanging out!"

"Oh my god." Tara smells the roses again. "Well good on Ellen, these are amazing. Where's my gift from Jax?"

"I dunno." Shea looks around with a frown. "Nothing got delivered here today. What were you expecting?"

"I don't know." Tara drops her backpack with a loud thud, looking around; trying to spot what Jax may have given her. "He usually does something extra amazing and sweet."

"Oh, we'll I'm sure he'll do something tonight." Shea waves a hand and still frowning, Tara sits, then pokes Shea with her toes.

"And what are you doing tonight, miss I have a girlfriend now and didn't tell any of my friends because I'm a brat?" She demands and Shea grins from ear to ear, shaking her head.

"Uh, El and I are going to go to this little seafood place."

"El?" Tara raises an eyebrow. "You have nicknames now? Aw, that's so cute! You can never give us shit anymore."

"Enough." Shea moans. "Enough, you brat. She's just super cool to hang out with, ok? We're just hanging out."

"Have you kissed?" Tara demands.

"Tara!"

"Well!"

* * *

They're sitting on the couch eating popcorn and complaining about Donna and Opie's conviction that they're the perfect relationship when the door opens and Jax walks in. He grins at them before his eyes alight on the roses and he stops, tilting his head in confusion.

"What are these for?" He demands, glancing at Tara in bewilderment.

"Ask Shea." Tara grins, shamelessly selling out Shea's secret. "They're from her new girlfriend."

"You have a new girlfriend?" Jax raises his eyebrows. "Why's she sending you flowers? You celebrating that whole one-month anniversary shit? C'mon, you hate that stuff."

"They're for Valentine's Day, you jack ass." Shea smacks his shoulder, clearly expecting him to fight back, but Jax doesn't. His face has gone pale, his gaze affixed to the calendar on the wall.

"Jax." Tara snaps her fingers in front of his face. "Hey. Jackson. You ok? What's wrong?"

"Holy fuck." He buries his head in his hands. "Holy fuck, Tara, I am so sorry, but with club shit and the shop, I completely… I completely forgot."

"Oh shit." Shea scrambles to get up as Tara sits back, looking at him with a mixture of shock and disappointment.

"Are you… Kidding?" She asks slowly, thinking of all the romantic gestures Jax has done over the years. Perhaps this is just his way of throwing her off his trail, trying to mislead her into believing that he doesn't have anything before he whisks her away for something magical.

"No." He moans, with enough feeling to convince her that he's not trying to trick her. "Tara, I am so, so sorry."

"It's… Ok." Tara struggles to recognize her feelings- shock, disappointment, and even anger. "We can plan something, right now."

"Really?" Jax looks at her hopefully. "You're not mad?"

"No." Tara shakes her head, trying to force a smile onto her face. "No, I know we've been really busy lately. It might be nice just to do something small, you know, just the two of us."

"No, no, no." Jax waves his hands. "I'll do something. I'll do it right, you deserve the best. Just, I don't know, give me twenty minutes."

"Sure." Tara smiles easily again, kissing his cheek. "I've got homework to do anyways."

"Go finish it up." He orders, picking up the phone and going to find a phone book. "I'll make reservations."

"Ok babe."

* * *

"Ok." Jax sighs, collapsing on the bed next to her. "Don't be mad at me."

"I feel like nothing good has ever followed those words." Tara states, setting aside the paper she was proofreading and looking at Jax.

"It's not." He bites his lip. "Everywhere in Charming is booked up, except for like, fast food places."

"Well," Tara tries to give an impasse shrug. "I don't care."

"I do." Jax looks down at his still dirty hands. "I should've planned a night dinner for us. Fuck, Shea has a better date idea than us!"

"That's ok." Tara grins at that. "That's good for her. Let's go get some fast food and go to the meadow, ok? That's romantic enough for me."

"Is it?" Jax looks at her from under his eyelashes. "Are you sure you're not mad?"

"No." Tara shakes her head and gives him a firm kiss. "You don't always need to do over the top, romantic gestures."

"But you appreciate them." Jax reminds and Tara pushes him off the bed.

"No, I'd appreciate you taking a shower. Go, wash up, I'll change."

"I love you." He drops a kiss to her forehead before disappearing into the bathroom.

"Tara!" Shea yells and Tara looks at their shared wall in mild alarm. "What the hell do I wear?"

"Jesus Christ." With a grin, Tara gets off her bed and heads into Shea's room. "You must really like this girl, if you're panicking about outfits."

"Enough with the sass, more with the helping." Shea points at her bed. "Sit. Decide."

"Ok." Tara obliges, settling in amongst the blankets. "What are our choices?"

Twenty minutes later, Shea is standing in her underwear in front of her now empty closet, contemplating the piles of clothes on the floor. Jax, toweling his hair dry, walks in, glancing around with wide eyes at the chaos that has exploded around him.

"What the hell?" He demands.

"Where'd I throw that tight black dress?" Shea demands.

"There." Tara points to one of the smaller piles.

"Are you ready?" Jax demands of Tara, who glances down at her tea-shirt and jeans.

"Do I look ready?"

"I thought you were getting ready!"

"No." Shea pops up, holding her dress. "She's helping me get ready for my actual date, because my significant other actually planned a date."

"Ok, ok, ok." Tara cuts off a fight before it can happen. "Quit it, both of you. Jax, it's fine. It's not like we have to make reservations anyways. I'll help Shea get ready, then I'll change quick."

"Don't keep her from me too long." Jax orders Shea as she squirms, trying to pull her dress on.

"Oh, yeah, wouldn't dream of ruining the well thought out romantic plan you have going!"

"Quit!" Tara chides both of them. "Shea, that's cute. Wear it with a choker and your platforms."

"You look like a stripper." Jax comments and without looking, Shea lobs a shoe in his direction. He ducks out, laughing.

* * *

"Ok, this is it." Shea declares finally, standing and examining herself critically in the mirror. She's wearing the choker, black dress, and tall boots that snake up over her knees.

"Very hot." Tara nods approvingly.

"Yeah?" Shea flushes red. "I don't know, El isn't… She isn't into all this stuff. She's just… Herself. She's comfortable in her own skin."

"That why you like her?" Tara asks, smiling at seeing how happy Shea seems to be.

"Yeah." Shea brushes her hair back, inspecting her face for any blemishes. "Kinda the exact opposite of me, you know?"

"You're special though." Tara kisses Shea's temple. "Do your makeup. I'm going to go get ready."

"Ok." Shea sits, grabbing her foundation.

"Are you done doing girl things in there?" Jax asks, reclining on the couch and watching some race.

"Yes." Tara ruffles his hair. "I'll go get changed and we can go, ok?"

"Sounds good. You want Burger King?" He asks and Tara sighs internally, but gives him a bright smile.

"Sure honey, that sounds great." She heads into her room, pulling out a pair of jeans and a clean flannel of Jax's to put over her shirt, yanking them on before walking back out. Jax glances back over the couch at her and frowns slightly.

"Oh, that's what you're wearing?"

"Should I put on a dress?" Tara looks down at herself and then back at him. "I mean, I didn't think I needed to dress up a lot for Burger King."

"No, I guess not." Jax struggles. "I guess I just… I like when you wear cute stuff."

"Well," Tara bites back the urge to tell him cute dates mean cute outfits, but she forces a smile onto her face. "I'll put on a dress."

"No, no." Jax says hastily. "That's not what I meant. You look amazing, like always. C'mon, let's go get food."

"Where are you guys going?" Shea asks, walking out of her, still applying lipstick.

"The meadow." Tara tells her and Shea glances out the window. Dark clouds threaten.

"No, I don't think you should."

"It's fine." Jax declares, but Tara looks out the window in mild concern.

"Are you sure?" She says worriedly. "Maybe we should take my car instead of the bike. It looks like it's going to rain Jax."

"Fine." Clearly frustrated, Jax throws his hands up. "We'll take the damn cage. Shea, have a fucking fantastic time on your date."

"I will." She raises an eyebrow at Tara, who just shrugs. "Have fun being a crabby asshole."

"Alright." Tara throws an arm out to stop Jax's hot temper. "Grab the keys Jax, I'll grab my purse. Shea, call if you need anything?"

"Sure mom." Shea air kisses her cheek. "Bye kiddos!"

* * *

Jax drives like a madman across town, fuming, and Tara wisely decides to stay silent. He orders them both burgers, and gets an ice cone for Tara. He presents it to her with a sigh.

"Sorry for the world's lamest Valentine's Day present." He grumbles and Tara kisses his cheek.

"Ice cream is great honey. Besides, just get me a bunch of discounted chocolate tomorrow." She suggests rationally.

"There's that." Still looking disturbed, Jax drives them towards the meadow. Tara, eating her ice cream, nervously checks the sky as they head out of Charming and deeper into the countryside. The clouds are advancing rapidly, until when Jax finally pulls over, they're directly above them.

"Maybe we should eat in the car." Tara suggests and Jax groans.

"Really? A meal in the car? That's the least romantic thing ever."

"Ok, ok, ok." She says hastily, eager to placate him. "Then I'll grab the blanket from the trunk. C'mon, let's go then."

"Sorry again." Jax says, for the thousandth time, as Tara smoothes out the blanket and gestures for him to sit with the bag of food. "I really should've done something better."

"Stop apologizing." Tara insists. "This is fine. It's all good."

"I love you." He mutters and she gives him a kiss.

"I love you too Jackson. Now pass me my fries."

They're halfway through their meal when the skies finally open and the rain comes crashing down. Tara can't help but squeal as she's instantly soaked. She throws her garbage in the bag, gathering the blanket up in one shift movement and sprinting as fast as she can back to the car. Jax, behind her, is cursing himself blue in the face. She tosses their wet food and blanket into the back seat, sliding in the passenger seat.

"You ok?" Jax demands, starting the car and cranking the heat up. Tara nods, peeling off her wet flannel. "I'm sorry, I should've known that we were going to get soaked."

"It's fine." Tara's teeth are chattering as she yanks off her shoes and leans towards the heating vents. "It's fine, it was romantic, you know, the whole rain thing."

"Want to go back out there and kiss some?" Jax asks and Tara shakes her head quickly.

"No, I want to go home and take a hot shower."

"Ok." Sighing, Jax puts the car in reverse and heads back to the apartment. "I'm still hungry."

"Well, your burger is a little soggy." Tara makes a face at the paper bag, now disintegrating. "Why don't we order a pizza or something?"

"Yeah." Jax says moodily, then glances at her. "Want me to go buy you a teddybear or something?"

"I want to go home." Tara rubs her hands together furiously. "I'm freezing."

"Ok." Jax speeds up.

Tara runs for the shower when they get back, cranking it as warm as it can go. She stands under the scorching water, relaxing as the warm water finally chases the cold water out of her body. After a few minutes, Jax slips in.

"Hey!" She protests when he aims the shower head towards himself. "I was using that!"

"Come here then." He gathers her in his arms so that water hits both of them. "Better?"

"Sure." Tara rolls her eyes, but smiles. By the time they get out and dry off, Tara bundling herself in several layers of Jax's warmest clothes, the pizza has arrived. Jax pays and brings it to to couch, grinning at her.

"Sorry this was kind of the world's worst date." He says dryly.

"No, it was good." Tara insists. "I got pizza out of it, so it wasn't all bad."

"Still." Jax opens up the box and offers her a slice, smiling at her. Tara grins, then looks down at the pizza, before bursting into laughter.

"Jax!"

"What?" He demands, spinning the pizza around before groaning. "What the hell? I told them a heart!"

"Maybe it is?" Tara squints at the misshapen mess of sausage in the middle of the pizza.

"It's not." He leans back, with a look of disgust. "I shouldn't have tipped. God, can nothing go right today?"

"It's pizza honey, not a wedding." Tara leans across the pizza and gives him a kiss. "It's absolutely fine."

"You deserve better." He grumbles and she strokes his cheek.

"No, I deserve you."

* * *

"Hey." Donna's face is an inch from Tara's and she gives a shout when she wakes up.

"Jesus Christ!"

"Oh, good, now you're up." Donna stands without a hint of remorse as Tara tries to calm her racing heart. "Where's Jax?"

"Shop. Riding. I don't know." Tara reclines on her pillows. "Holy shit, you scared me to death."

"I need to talk to you." Donna is pacing, chewing her nail and Tara bolts up.

"God, are you pregnant?"

"What?" Donna tosses her an annoyed look. "No, of course not."

"My heart can't handle all this shit so early." Tara complains, looking at her alarm. "What time is it anyways?"

"8:41." Donna informs her and Tara groans, trying to crawl back under her covers. "I had the worst Valentine's Day ever."

"No, I think I did." Tara mutters. "Wait, is Shea back?"

"No, I checked in her room." Donna tells her, then frowns. "You think she was partying?"

"No." Tara smiles. "She was on a date. I wonder if she slept over."

"Hold on." Donna stops, putting her hands up. "Shea was on a date? Like a real date?"

"Yup." Tara gets up, stretching. If she's up, she might as well have breakfast. "An honest to god date."

"We can discuss that after my thing." Donna declares, following Tara into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"Alright, what happened that was so awful?"

"My dad's back." Donna drops that bomb and Tara nearly drops her toothbrush in the toilet.

"Your dad- like the crazy man who abandoned you like two years ago?"

"Yeah."

"Whom you haven't seen in years."

"Exactly."

"Who called you a whore and a slut and left you and your mother and has never attempted to contact you?"

"One and the same."

"Holy shit." Tara sits on the edge of the tub, stunned. "What the hell did he have to say to you?"

"Well, my mom called me." Donna sits down next to her, resting her head on Tara's shoulder. "Said he was back, wanted to talk. Op convinced to go, hear him out. Of course we missed our reservations because he had to give me a sermon."

"At least you had reservations." Tara mutters and Donna looks at her, frowning in confusion. "Sorry, nothing, go on. What else did he have to say?"

"A lot of bullshit." Donna rolls her eyes. "About how he wanted me to be a family again and that if my mom and I stopped living in sin and joined him, our souls could find peace."

"What'd you say?" Tara asks, remembering with amusement how Donna once mocked her father's sermons relentlessly.

"What do you think I told him? I said that I lived with Op, I fuck him every night, I drink and I smoke and I love sucking dick." Donna says frankly and Tara snorts with laughter.

"And what did he say?"

"What do you think? He went postal, starting screaming at me, called me worse names than he ever has before, and then when he grabbed my arm, Opie punched his lights out." Donna says smugly and Tara stops laughing abruptly.

"Oh, holy shit."

"Yeah." Donna shrugs. "But it's not like he didn't deserve it."

"Of course he did, I just…" Tara blinks. "Then what?"

"Then I screamed at him, told him to get the hell out, never come back, I wasn't his daughter anymore, and that if he ever tried to come near me again, I was going to call his church and tell them that he use to touch me as a little girl."

"Donna!" Tara gasps, surprised by the flintiness in her best friend eyes. "That's awful!"

"No." She says stoutly. "What's awful is abandoning your family. You don't leave people Tara, you just don't. If you leave the people you love, then you don't deserve them if you ever come crawling back. You love people, then you don't leave them."

"I mean," Tara's heart is sinking. "What if it's for a good reason?"

"There is no good reason." Donna says flatly. "There is not a single reason on this earth to leave your family. You better die before you leave your family. I know I would rather die than leave you and Op and everyone. You guys are my family."

"I know." Tara kisses her head and stands, avoiding Donna's eyes. "I'm sorry that happened."

"It's fine." Donna manages a supremely caviler shrug. "He's out of my life for good at least. And I think it woke my mom up to the fact that he's never coming back. She talked about maybe moving back to where she's from, up in Oregon. Who knows. Maybe she'll actually do it."

"Will you go with her?" Tara already knows the answer.

"Hell no." Donna laughs, then stops when the door opens. "Shea, that you?"

"Donna, what are you doing here?"

"Did you walk of shame home?" Donna demands, leaving Tara alone in the bathroom. "What's this girlfriend I hear about, did you forget to tell me something?"

"Jesus, does everyone know?" Shea complains and their bickering fades at Tara wets her toothbrush once again. She watches her reflection as she brushes, trying not to think about abandoning anyone.

 **AN:** I hope this explained a little bit about the Donna/Tara dynamic in season 1- the way Donna reacted to being told to leave her family was the inspiration for this, and I think that upon her return, Tara would've known how angry Donna would be. Ok I'll stop rambling, agree or disagree in a review!


	67. Good Place

"Jesus Christ." Tara mutters, glaring at the group of boys in the library. They're laughing loudly, tossing things back and forth, trying to hit each other with wads of paper and their pencils. With a huff, she gathers up her papers, stomping through the stacks of books, looking for a quieter place.

She's rounding a corner to the quiet back tables, when she hears snuffling, like the sound of someone trying to hold back tears unsuccessfully. She pauses, trying to identify the source of the noise, then backtracks through the rows, peeking down each aisle. Then, to her surprise, she finds someone, huddled at the end of it.

"Hey," Tara quickly sets asides her things, walking towards them and kneeling. Hale lifts up his gaze, looking as astonished to see her as she is seeing him. "Are you ok?"

"Fine." He bluffs, but Tara sees the still evident tear tracks on his face, his traitorous red eyes, how his mouth trembles.

"No you're not." Tara slides down next to him, close enough that their shoulders touch. "Why would you be crying in the botany section if you were fine?"

"Maybe I have to read one." He tries to joke weakly, but Tara smiles.

"I'm sure you'd find something interesting." She reassures him and then they sit in silence for a long period, the two of them side by side, intently studying the titles on the volumes across from them.

"My mom died." The words come out as one, like he's got to say them quickly or risk not saying them at all.

"I'm sorry." Tara says honestly, and means it. She takes his hand, gently squeezing it. "I know it's hard."

"No." He shudders, pulling his knees tighter to his chest. "She was sick, she was in pain."

"Sure." Tara says quietly. "But she was your mom. And you're going to miss her."

"I know." He whispers. "I already do."

"I'm sorry." Tara repeats and they lapse into silence, Hale not bothering to hide the tears that now stream silently down his face. Tara holds his hand, pretending not to notice.

"Thank you." He mutters, once the tears stop. The bell is ringing, signaling them to move to their next class, but both stay where they are, seated on the floor.

"Of course." Tara says quietly. "I know how much she meant to you. You shouldn't even here right now, you should be home."

"No." He says, with surprising firmness. "I don't want to be home."

"Oh?" Tara turns and looks at him.

"Sorry." He mutters. "It's just my dad, you know, he's… He's all 'Stiff upper lip. Be a man, men don't cry. You're a football player, not a sissy.' I can't… He doesn't want people seeing me like this."

"He's an ass." Tara says firmly and he chuckles, wiping away the last remaining tear.

"Yeah, he is." He glances at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you." She explains, frowning slightly. "I heard someone crying, thought I should make sure some freshman wasn't getting tortured."

"No." He stares at her like she's got a halo. "I mean, why are you in Charming?"

"I live here." She laughs.

"I get that." He waves a hand. "I mean, why are you in school?"

"I have to?" Tara frowns in confusion, not understanding the question. "Where else would I be?"

"I don't know." He looks down at his shoes, cheeks suddenly red. "Donna's never here anymore, and aren't you two best friends?"

"Yeah." Tara tries to figure out how that relates."What about her? She's working now."

"I thought… You'd be doing the same." Hale avoids her eyes. "That you wouldn't even bother to finish out high school."

"Why would I do that?" Tara asks, genuinely nonplussed.

"Because," Hale seems for a second like he's going to burst, then quiets. "Because that's what Jax would want for you."

"What do you know about what Jax wants for me?" Tara asks, narrowing her eyes.

"I just do." Hale mutters darkly. "And you don't belong here, you know that."

"I don't belong here?" Tara leans back, folding her arms.

"No, not here, like right here." Hale rubs his forehead. "I mean here like Charming. You don't belong in Charming."

"Where do I belong then?" Tara demands, now defensive.

"Somewhere else." He looks up at her and she's struck with how angry he looks. "Somewhere better."

"Like college?" She asks cooly and his eye go wide, just slightly. "Which is really none of your business."

"But you're leaving, right?" He asks eagerly.

"I don't know." Tara plays with the fraying edge of her jeans. "I've applied to some colleges, I just need to know if I got in."

"Good." He says firmly and Tara glances at him.

"Why do you even care?"

"It's just…" He struggles for the right words. "I just think you deserve better."

"I deserve better than Charming?" Tara asks, eyes narrowed. "Or I deserve better than Jax."

"Both." Hale says boldly and Tara, stands, affronted. "Wait, I didn't mean to—"

"Look, I really am sorry about your mom." Tara tells him, gathering up her things. "And I hope you're ok. But I really should go."

"Wait," He says, desperately trying to catch her arm. "I just meant aren't you better than all this?"

"All this," Tara gestures wildly to the library. "Is my home. It's where I grew up, it made me who I am. You telling me I don't belong here, even if it's with the best intentions, is like telling me that I shouldn't be the person that I am."

"Tara," He tries to protest, but she shakes her head.

"No, I mean it." She holds up a firm hand. "Just because you think I'm bigger and better and smarter than Charming, and I know you really mean Jax, doesn't give you the right to tell me that. I really think you should go home. I'm sorry." With that, she turns on her heel and heads to class, refusing to even look back at the drooping and defeated figure she leaves in her wake.

* * *

"Hey, how was school?" Shea asks, when Tara finally comes in, after her math club meeting.

"Good, but I'm starving." She remarks, setting her backpack down.

"Do you chicken cordon bleu?" Ellen asks, popping her head out of the kitchen.

"Well, sure." Tara looks at her, a little surprised. "Hi Ellen."

"Oh yeah, by the way, Ellen's here." Shea grins at Tara over the top of the couch.

"I see that." Tara remarks dryly. "And she's making supper? Aren't you suppose to do that when she's the guest?"

"I don't mind." Ellen says loudly, opening the fridge. "I like to cook, and Shea's still not eating enough."

"I'm fine." Shea grumbles, flipping the channel.

"I like her." Tara says quietly, grabbing her history notes.

"I do too." Shea glances at the kitchen and then back to Tara, a slow smile unfurling on her face. "She's pretty great, right?"

"Yeah." Tara grabs Shea's hand and squeezes. "You seem happy."

"I am." Shea beams. "We should talk about it tomorrow, I feel like I should gush."

"Ok." Tara smiles and settles in with her notes. "I'd like that."

They're relatively quiet, Shea watching TV, Tara studying, and Ellen cooking, when Jax barges the door down. All three jump, staring at him in disbelief, before Tara starts yelling. He's shirtless, and down his left side and shoulder is road rash, still very red and angry.

"Hi babe." He says, when Tara manages to stop screeching.

"What did you do?" She squeaks, already pushing past a curious Shea and Ellen to go get the first aid kit stored in the bathroom.

"Your dumbass laid the bike down, didn't you?" Shea doesn't seem concerned, poking and prodding at the asphalt lodged in his skin.

"Didn't damage the bike though." He says proudly and Tara makes a noise of agitation from the bathroom.

"She freaking out?" Opie asks, walking in after Jax.

"Of course she is, look at him." Donna gestures to Jax, following Opie.

"What did he do?" Ellen questions, looking at Jax curiously.

"Was a dumbass." Opie states, then sniffs. "What smells so good?"

"Ellen's making supper." Shea says offhandedly.

"I can whip up extras if you guys are hungry." Ellen offers.

"Not if it's too much trouble." Donna says hastily but Ellen waves a hand.

"No worries. Tara, let me know if you need any help with him." Ellen gestures to Jax as Tara races out with the first aid kit.

"Where'd she come from?" Jax asks Shea under his breath and she beams.

"Right?"

"Jesus Christ Jax." Tara swears, gestures for him to sit in the kitchen chair. "What were you doing?"

"Being a dumbass." Opie repeats, picking up the remote.

"Hey, I was watching that." Shea protests, as he changes the channel and they bicker over the remote as Tara uses tweezers to pluck bits of rubble and rock from Jax's skin, muttering under breath as she does so.

"Ok, I think I got it all." She says finally, staring at it. "Go, get in the shower, rinse off."

"But that'll hurt." Jax whines and Tara looks at him, incredulous. "Fine."

"You seem like you've got your hands full with him." Ellen comments, as Tara rinses off the bloody tweezers in the sink.

"God yes." She grins, looking at Ellen properly for the first time. She's pretty, with eyes that have a devious tint to them, but a warm and welcoming smile. She may not be Shea's type at first glance, but Tara decides that might be for the best.

"He's Shea's brother, right?" Ellen asks her and Tara hold back a snicker.

"Sort of. It's kind of complicated, but yeah, they're the closest thing each other has to a sibling." Tara explains. "What about you?"

"8, actually." Ellen explains and Tara looks at her with wide eyes. "I'm the youngest. My parents gave up around the 5th or 6th though, so I was kinda left to do my own thing. I go to the community college, I'm studying mechanics there."

"Oh." Tara's slightly taken aback. "I guess I didn't expect that from you."

"No one ever does." Ellen grins to let her know she's not offended. "Help me with the food?"

"Ah, sure." Tara runs her hands under the water, then scrubs any lingering blood vigorously with soup. "Guys, come and eat— Save some for Jax, you know he's going to be pissed when he gets out!"

* * *

"Holy shit, you're like an amazing cook." Donna remarks to Ellen, slapping Opie's fork away when he tries to take a bite from her plate.

"Thanks!" Ellen smiles brightly. "It's fun. I enjoy it."

"Can we keep her?" Jax asks Shea, then flinches as Tara applies gauze to his shoulder.

"Stop flinching!" She admonishes.

"Be gentle then!"

"I am!"

"Welcome to the family." Shea tells Ellen with a wink.

* * *

Tara stumbles into the kitchen, bleary eyed, in search of coffee. She turns on the pot, yawning, before hauling the fridge open, squinting in search of the strawberries. She straightens up, shouting when she realizes someone one is in the kitchen with her.

"Whoa, sorry!" Ellen puts her hands up as Tara gasps for breath. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, sorry, I'm just not use to other people being up this early." Tara sets the strawberries on the counter, heart racing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to overstep my bounds by staying over." Ellen apologizes.

"No, no, you didn't." Tara tries to reassure her. "No, not at all. It's not a big deal. Look," She gestures to the pile of blankets on the couch that may be Donna and Opie. "It's normal."

"Ok, good." Ellen smiles at her. "I was going to make Shea breakfast, that ok?"

"Of course." Tara stands aside. "I've got the coffee on."

"Oh, great." Ellen smiles and starts pulling items from the fridge. "You hungry?"

"Actually, no." Tara smiles. "I'm still full from last night honestly. Where'd you learn to cook like that?"

"Big brother." Ellen reveals, pulling a pan out. "He's a chef over in LA now, but with my parents always working, the big kids had to watch the little kids, meaning I usually got paired off with him. He's way better than me, but I know some tricks now."

"That's nice." Tara watches as she scrambles eggs. "Both the boys are awful, and I'm not much better. Donna's probably the best."

"Well, I'm always happy to help." Ellen gives her a shy smile. "It's nice having a place to fit."

"I know what you mean." Tara manages a smile, then pours them each a cup of coffee when it's ready.

"I smell food." Opie mumbles, when the Ellen slides the bacon from the pan onto a plate. He sits up, scooting Donna off his chest and blearily glancing around.

"Breakfast." Ellen smiles and sets the plate on the table.

"She doesn't eat breakfast." Opie shamelessly abandons Donna, hurrying to the table.

"I'll get Shea." Ellen grins.

"I'll get Jax." Tara heads to her bedroom, nudging him, careful to avoid his scrapes. "Hey, Ellen made breakfast."

"Yeah." Jax yawns, then rolls over, groaning in pain as his back brushes the sheets. "Fuck, this hurts."

"What did you do?" Tara demands, yet again, but he just waves a hand, getting up and wincing.

"When is it going to stop hurting?"

"Probably never." Tara examines it. "You should take it easy today."

"Nah, Op and I have to go to Stockton." He carefully pulls on sweatpants, staying shirtless.

"Why?" Tara questions and he just waves a hand, meandering out into the kitchen, bickering with Opie over the bacon.

"Hey, I gotta go." Ellen says, glancing at the clock. She sets her plate by the sink, kissing Shea's head on the way out. "We should hang out tonight."

"I'll call you?" Shea offers and Ellen nods, grabbing her coat.

"Bye guys!"

"Bye Ellen." They chorus as the door slams shut.

"I'm serious about the you keeping her thing." Jax says solemnly and Shea laughs.

"Yeah, me too."

The boys leave for the day, still dodging questions about where they're going with ease. Tara frowns as Jax, in an oversized cotton shirt, disappears through the door, but neither Shea nor Donna seems to perplexed over it, so she has no choice but to stay quiet.

"So, Ellen." Donna says, once the apartments gone quiet. She's folding clothes on the couch with Tara does the dishes, grinning to herself. "She's great."

"Isn't she?" Shea throws herself dramatically down on the couch. "Ugh, she's amazing. She speaks Italian, did you know that? Yeah, one of her siblings learned and taught her it growing up. Oh, and she's been to Germany. She's got family there, it's like wow."

"What else?" Tara asks curiously.

"Well, she doesn't like to read, because she's got dyslexia, but she's super good with cars. She's allergic to peanuts, but she still likes peanut butter. She wants a cat named Donut, and she refuses to sleep in anything less than 85 degrees." Shea sighs dreamily. "Isn't she the best?"

"You're so in love." Donna laughs. "You're just as screwed as the rest of us, look at you."

"I know." Shea can't stop beaming. "I know and I don't even care."

"Look at all of us." Donna gestures to the three of them. "Shea's finally settled down with a good woman, I finally told my dad to fuck off and go straight to hell, and Tara finally… What have you done lately?"

"Finally nailed a chemistry exam." Tara supplies, quickly turning back to the sink.

"See, look at all of us!" Donna exclaims. "Happy."

"We're in a good place." Shea agrees and Tara quietly wipes down a plate, setting it back in the cupboard.

 **AN:** Sorry for the late update, but here it is! Let me know thoughts. I'll take a break next week but resume after that.


	68. What I Need

As the weather turns warm, Tara begins to get anxious. Her letters, if any, should be arriving soon. She can't bring herself to be excited, keeping her head down when teachers mention acceptance or rejection letters. She even avoids the hospital, because she fears having to face George if she disappoints him.

No one seems to notice how on edge she is. Shea is distracted by Ellen, but Tara can't begrudge her for her happiness. The pair splits their time between the apartment and Ellen's little house. If anything, they delight that they can now tease her mercilessly for doing all the things she once ridiculed them for.

Donna and Opie have also taken their osmosis to the next level, spending every waking moment together, except for the scant few hours either is at work. During yearbook, their one class period together, Donna preoccupies their time with chatter about work and Opie.

Jax is also distracted, mainly by things he doesn't seem to want to mention to Tara. She notices, with a little disappoint, that she doesn't even seem to be enough to pull him away from the club, where he's fast spending all of his time. He doesn't hide things from her, not in a secretive way, but he isn't forthcoming, and Tara vows to be more worried about once she knows if she's been accepted or rejected.

"Hey," Shea calls, as Tara walks in on a Tuesday afternoon, yawning fiercely. "Mail is on your bed. You got a couple thick packets."

"Ok." Tara stamps down her panic, instead fighting to keep calm as she sets her backpack in the chair.

"Anyways, I'm heading to Ellen's for movie night. Wanna come?" Shea offers and Tara shakes her head.

"No, I think Jax and I might go for a ride tonight." She lies with ease.

"Ok, have fun." Shea grins and departs. Tara scrambles to her bedroom, diving on top of the pile of mail, nearly dropping it in her haste to see where they're from. To her disbelief, she's holding packets from several schools. UCLA. UCSD. UCSC.

She sits down with a thump, spreading them out in front of her. Then, with shaking hands, she picks up the one that she wants the most, even if she won't allow herself to admit it. She slits it open, and pulls out the top letter.

 _Dear Tara Grace Knowles,_

 _Congratulations! We are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted to the University of California San Diego._

The letter goes on, but Tara can't read it. She's too busy burying her face in her hands and sobbing. This is it. This is her ticket out. This is proof that she can have dreams, that she can reach for them and be successful. That she is smart, and wanted, and valued. That she will be more than her father.

Suddenly seized with a new wave of energy, she tears open the other packets.

 _Congratulations! Accepted!_

 _Congratulations! Accepted!_

 _Congratulations! Accepted!_

All of them, across the board. All acceptance letters, detailing her next steps, singing her praises. Tara holds them close to her chest, as though she can soak the words in until they're a part of her. She's going to college.

Suddenly she desperately wishes there was someone she could tell. Not her father, who wouldn't give a damn. Not Jax, not when it could start another fight. Not Donna or Shea or Opie, who would never understand why this matters to her.

So instead she picks up the phone and dials the hospital.

"This is Dr. George." The voice answers, sounding distracted, and when Tara speaks, her voice trembles.

"Dr. George? It's Tara."

"Tara, what can I do for you?" He asks warmly.

"I got in."

"What?"

"I got into college."

"Which ones?"

"All of them." Tara can't seem to raise her voice above a whisper and there's a long, astonished pause from the other end of the phone.

"All of them?" He repeats and Tara nods, sorting through the letters again.

"Yeah, I got into San Diego, Los Angeles, Santa Clara, all of them."

"Tara!" He exclaims. "That's amazing!"

"Is it?" She mutters, still in a state of shock. "Is it really?"

"Tara." He says firmly. "Tara, that is amazing. It's wonderful. Have you looked closely at the items inside?"

"No." Shaken out of her daze, she starts pulling papers out at random. "This is— What? Oh. This one talks about housing and— This one is on classes, how I register— How do I register?"

"Tara." He says softly and she pauses. "Do you want to bring things to me? I can help you puzzle it out."

"Ok." Suddenly eager, she gathers everything up in her arms, stuffing it into her backpack. "Ok, I'll be there soon!"

"Can't wait."

* * *

He looks up, beaming, when Tara charges gracelessly into his office. Breathless, she spills out the papers onto his desk and then steps back, chest heaving. He carefully sorts them out, then gestures for her to sit. She does, hands trembling just slightly.

"Well?"

"Tara," He looks up, eyes wide. "This is wonderful. Truly amazing. You know how impressive this is, right?"

"It's just…" She suddenly buries her head in her hands. "I don't know what to do!"

"I know." He reaches out and gently takes her hand. "That's what I'm here for, remember?"

"Yeah." She takes a deep breath. "Ok, what do I need to do next?"

"Easy." He gives her a reassuring smile. "I'll sort these things out and give you a to-do list."

"Lists are good." Tara gives him a small smile and he nods, flipping through the papers. For a long while, they're both quiet. Then he slides her a paper, the mildly stunned look back on his face.

"Tara," He looks grave. "Did you read this?"

"No." She takes it, glancing it over. "What is it?"

"It's an opportunity for a full ride to Revelle, the college at UCSD." He tells her and Tara looks it over again. "You qualify as a high-need, high-performing student."

"What do I have to do?" Tara demands.

"These questions, and this essay. It's designed to get to know you better, since you can't travel to campus." He explains. "Fill that out. I have a consultation, but use my office to write, and when I come back, we can complete that process. Is that where you want to go?" He presses and Tara is looking at the form in shock.

"If I get a full ride there, that would be…" She trails off, already distracted by the questions. He smiles and hands her his pen.

"Write from the heart." He advises. "No one who hears your story could ever deny you."

"Thank you." She says suddenly and he just tilts his head, leaving. Tara sits down, staring at the questions, before answering in her neatest handwriting.

On the last page, all that remains is an essay question. She contemplates the line of text above blank lines.

 _'Please tell us why receiving this scholarship will help you complete your college education and how you intend to use your education to positively impact the world.'_

Tara twiddles the pen, takes a deep breath, and gets up to walk around the office, all while avoiding the paper sitting, for all intents and purposes, harmlessly atop the mahogany desk. She thumbs through the medical text books on the shelf, gazes out the window, then sits back down in her chair and pulls the paper close.

' _To say that I have always wanted to help people would be, at best, a cliche of the grossest kind. At worst, it would be a bold-faced lie. I have not always wanted to help people. In fact, it has occurred to me only very recently that this may be a career path I am interested in seeking._

 _I say this to be honest. I say it to be truthful. I cannot pretend that I have always, for as long as I can remember, wanted to be a doctor. I'm sure 5 year old me wanted to be a ballerina or a vet or probably a unicorn. She did not know what would come in her life. Your experiences shape your expectations._

 _My experiences have made me who I am. And they will make me who I want to be. I think that means at lot more than the conviction of a child._

 _I watched my mother pass away, through the eyes of a young child, and I remember being helpless to do or say anything. I was unable to help her._

 _I watch my father drink himself to death, through the eyes of a teenager, and I am helpless to do or say anything. I am unable to help him._

 _I see my friends struggle. They struggle with addiction, with broken homes, with grief, with burdens that they should not have to carry. I cannot help them. I cannot soothe their worries, their needs, their pain. I am completely helpless._

 _That is what this scholarship is. That is what my education is. It is power. It will be placing tools into my ready hands. I will be able to help people. Perhaps not my own father. Certainly not my own mother. Likely my friends will never even benefit from this._

 _But others will. The future will. I am hungry for a world where I can make a difference. That, I can say honestly, I have wanted since I was young. I have always known that education was going to be my saving grace. I always knew it would be the stairs to would carry me upwards._

 _My need for this scholarship is great, but not financially. Yes, I will struggle in college. Yes, I will likely have to cut corners, skimp and save. That is not new to the daughter of a man who spends his paycheck on booze and smokes._

 _I need this scholarship because it will empower me. It will bring me to a place where I can help others. The money is secondary to the opportunities it affords me. The chances to help, to make a difference, to know that there is something I can do to make someone's life just a little bit better._

 _I cannot know yet what I am going to positively impact the world. Perhaps in ten years, I will write another essay, and explain where I am and what impact I have. But until, I can only hope and guess._

 _I will be done with school. I will be a doctor. I will be saving lives. I will not be my father's daughter. I will not be drinking my life away. I will be someone that I can be proud of._

 _This scholarship allows me to be that.'_

She sits back and looks at her words, reading them over again carefully and making sure nothing is misspelled. Then she sets it back down on the desk, and moves onto filling out the rest of the forms.

"Sorry that went over." George apologizes, walking back into his office.

"No worries." Tara smiles back up at him. "I think I have everything filled out."

"Great." He sits down and looks at her progress. "Does that mean you decided on a school?"

"San Diego." Tara finally allows herself a second to relax. "I'm going to San Diego."

"I am proud of you." He says seriously. "Do you have any questions? Do you need me to mail anything?"

"This." Tara hands him back the completed admissions packet, including her financial aid and housing. "I think I have it all done."

"I'll send it first class tomorrow." He promises her. "Go home, celebrate, relax. You've earned it."

"Thanks." Tara gathers up her things, staring at the package before nodding.

* * *

Spring comes to Charming, but rain doesn't follow it. Tara observes one day that the earth is splitting open, cracks spreading outwards, like it's desperately searching for any water it can find. Searching for relief. Searching for salvation. Searching for something.

"Hey you." Donna sits down next to her in the library, as Tara chews on one end of her pencil thoughtfully.

"Hey, what are you still doing here?" Tara consults the clock.

"Work doesn't need me today." Donna grins, kicking her feet up. "I was wondering if you wanted to ditch out with me and go see Shea."

"Why, where's Shea?" Tara asks, still scribbling down notes.

"Her job." Donna grins and Tara looks up, frowning.

"What? I didn't know she got a job."

"Yeah." Donna starts stuffing Tara's papers back into her backpack. "So c'mon, let's go see her."

"Where?" Tara doesn't bother to protest and Donna grins, seeing that she's going to win.

"Well, see, that's what you're never going to believe."

"Where?" Tara is wary now, but Donna just holds out her backpack and grins.

"Come on."

"I don't like this." Tara declares, as the two of them slip down the stacks and towards the exit. "Where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise!" Donna reminds her. "Trust me, you're going to die."

"I'd rather not." Tara says dryly, as they pause by the door.

"Ready?" Donna asks and Tara nods, scooting as close as she can to her. Then Donna pushes the door open hastily and both girls scramble through, turning and slamming the door shut behind them, waiting breathlessly to see if they'll set off the alarm.

"We're getting faster at that." Tara observes.

"Remember sophomore year when the boys set it off?" Donna snorts.

"Well, we shouldn't have been trying to get four people out in three seconds, we were stupid."

Donna drives them through Charming and Tara observes how the grass, usually green for a few weeks in April, is already brown and dead. The trees wilt, the flowers droop, if they've even survived at all. Tara watches the world stream by, then turns to look at Donna in surprise when she pulls in front of bridal store.

"Your face." Donna bursts into laughter.

"Are you getting married?" Tara demands. "Did Opie propose?"

"Not yet." Donna says sweetly, getting out. Tara has no choice but to follow, still a little nervous. She walks in, the bell tinkling brightly above them. To Tara's surprise, Shea is sitting at the front desk, busy scribbling in a notebook.

"Hey!" She says happily, looking up and spotting them. "I guess you told her."

"No, no one has told me anything." Tara declares. "Someone, please, enlighten me."

"Welcome to my big kid job." Shea spreads her arms wide, grinning. "Gemma knows the owner, apparently. Got me a part time job. I get to help brides pick out their dresses and shit."

"And you like that?" Tara scratches her head. Shea shrugs.

"It's fun and it keeps me busy. And I like that! Plus I get to see people happy, and that's great." She looks around at the poofy white dresses that surround them on every side. "Plus, you know, this is better white stuff for me than the stuff I had before."

"Oh god." Tara rubs her forehead as Donna wanders around, looking at dresses.

"Don't get any ideas!" Shea calls, as Donna plucks a beaded piece from the rack.

"Too late!" She yells, disappearing towards the dressing rooms.

"We've created a monster." Shea shakes her head. "Look what we've done."

"I'm not the one who got a job at the bridal store." Tara sits next to her, looking around at the veils, tiaras, and more.

"It's fun." She repeats. "And I'm actually kind of good at it. I sold a dress yesterday. Apparently, I'm outgoing."

"Of course you are." Tara bumps shoulders with her. "I remember the first time I met you. You started talking to me like we'd been friends for years. I didn't even know your name, and here we were, best friends in the blink of an eye."

"Well, you liked my brother." Shea ducks her head to hide her grin. "So I had to like you. That's the rule, right?"

"No," Tara wraps her arm around Shea as Donna shouts about a zipper from the dressing rooms. "But I appreciate it anyways."

* * *

"Wait, what's going on?" Jax demands, as he and Opie walk in. Shea and Tara are reclining on the couches, watching in amusement as Donna parades around the store, in various states of readiness for a wedding.

"Oh god." Opie attempts to turn and run, but Tara and Shea grab his hands, dragging him in further.

"No, no, look! Look!"

"Isn't this one pretty?" Donna asks of a creation that features a train ten feet long.

"What the hell?" Jax repeats, looking around in bewilderment.

"This where I work now!" Shea informs them and Opie goes pale.

"So you're spending all day surrounded by wedding shenanigans? Perfect. Nothing bad could come of this." Opie says dryly.

"Go pick out a ring." Jax teases, elbowing him in the ribs. "Or she might just have the whole thing without you."

"Who needs wedding anyways?" Shea asks flippantly.

"Would you marry El, if you could?" Donna asks her and Shea goes pink.

"I don't know, it's only been a couple months!"

"Stop talking about weddings!" Opie says forcefully and Donna just laughs, examining the dress in the circular mirrors.

 **AN:** Hey, you all know the drill, reviews and comments pretty please!


	69. The Little Doctor

"It needs to rain." Donna comments, looking out the window. Tara follows her gaze, looking out over the courtyard of the school. Despite it being late April, and fast headed towards May, the skies have still stubbornly refused to yield relief. Tara isn't sure if it's the weather or the fact that they're fast barreling towards graduation and summer, but the whole world seems to be hanging by a string, ready to combust in some way.

"Yeah, it's dry." Tara remarks, handing Donna a stack of the final photos for the yearbook. "Rain would be good."

"Can you believe we're going to be graduating so soon?" Donna muses, absentmindedly.

"It's crazy." Tara chuckles. "All these years and now you're almost done."

"I know." Donna drums her fingers on the desk. "But I think once I graduate the bank will offer me a full time job!"

"That's great." Tara glues things down. "That sounds awesome."

"I'm excited." Donna gives a happy little shrug. "You know, it's all good."

"It's all good." Tara repeats.

When they get ready for the bell to ring and to head separate ways, Donna picks up Tara's backpack, looking inside it curiously, hefting it to show just how heavy it is.

"God, what do you have in here?"

"Books." Tara grins, taking it from her. "I have finals coming up. So do you."

"Whatever." Donna waves a hand, grabbing her own, far lighter backpack. "It's just a couple tests. What are they going to do, stop me from graduating?"

"Yes," Tara deadpans, opening the door as the bell rings. "That's exactly what they'll do."

"I'd like to see them try." Donna snorts. "Anyways, what are you doing tonight? Should we go for a ride?"

"Don't you think it's gonna be too dusty out?" Tara asks, looking out over the lockers to the bay windows. Outside, the world is a color study in brown.

"We can go to the beach or something." Donna encourages. "C'mon, let's do something fun. We haven't done something fun in honest to god ages."

"Alright." Tara rolls her eyes at Donna's dramatics. "Fine, you wrangle the boys when you get out of school. I'll see you at home then, yeah?"

"Yeah!" Donna grins and disappears into the crowd, leaving Tara to shake her head wryly.

* * *

When Tara gets home, the apartment is empty. She sets her backpack down, gazing around in dismay at the mess. For all that Shea is, neat freak isn't one of them. With a sigh, she begins to gather up the dirty dishes and clothes that are scattered around.

When the phone rings, she's sure it's Donna or the boys calling, so she grabs it, answers, and jams it between her ear and her shoulder, carelessly.

"Yeah?"

"Tara?" She straightens up at George's voice, sounding a little surprised.

"Oh, yeah, hi. Hi, how are you?" She questions, sitting down and smoothing her hair automatically.

"Good. Say, I have a question for you."

"Yeah?"

"When is your deposit due to UCSD?"

"May 1st." She says quickly.

"And have you sent it yet?"

"No," She admits, fiddling with the frayed sock she's been in the midst of sorting. "I'm trying to figure out if I can take that money out of my savings."

"Good." He sounds a little relieved. "Don't. I've talked to my wife and we've decided that we're going to cover your first deposit."

"What?" The sock slips from her fingers.

"Just this once- I don't think we can keep it all college long. But to get you on your feet, give you a little cushion until you find a job. Is that alright?"

"Yes," Tara squeaks, her voice gone. "Yes, thank you!"

"Of course." He sounds distracted now. "Tara, I have to go, a patient just came in, but I'll get that mailed, ok?"

"Ok, thank you." She stammers. "Thank you, thank you so much, I… Thank you!"

"Sure. Talk soon." He hangs up and Tara is left staring at the phone in astonishment.

"Hey, what's up?" Jax asks, barging in.

"Nothing, just a telemarketer." Tara snaps her jaw shut and smiles at him. "Are we going for a ride?"

"Yeah, get changed." He orders, pulling the fridge open and grabbing a beer.

"Are you going to have time to finish that?" Tara asks him, astonished.

"Yeah, especially if you don't hurry up." He shoos her. "Hurry up, go."

"Good lord." Tara rolls her eyes and goes to change while Jax chuckles behind her.

* * *

They meet Donna and Opie as they head out of Charming, heading towards the only place that provides even slight relief from the already relentless heat. When they pull up to the beach, Tara and Donna both immediately change into their bathing suits.

"God, has it ever been this hot this early?" Donna bemoans, splashing herself.

"Something's hot." Opie remarks and she kicks at him, causing water to fly.

"You guys are so cute." Jax mocks and Donna turns her wrath on him, kicking water his way as well. Tara stands a little way off, watching them all with a small smile.

"So what's my graduation present going to be?" Donna demands, walking out of the water and reclining on her towel.

"Your what?" Opie raises an eyebrow.

"What are you going to get me since I graduated high school?" Donna explains and he frowns.

"You didn't get me anything."

"You didn't graduate." She reminds him flatly. "Anyways, I saw this really pretty ring at the jewelry store right down from Shea…"

"You've been spending too much time around weddings." Opie shakes his head.

"What do you want?" Jax asks Tara curiously and she shrugs, diving under the waves instead of answering.

When the sun begins to dip and the heat lessens, they decide to camp out on the beach, ordering pizza and laughing as they eat it. It seems like the beginning of every other summer they've started off together, until Tara blurts out abruptly,

"I'm gonna go to college in San Diego."

"What?" Donna turns to look at her in disbelief.

"Yeah." A little terrified, but relieved because it feels like the weight of the world has been taken from her shoulders, Tara nods. "I just put my deposit down there."

"Ok." Jax says calmly, finishing off his crust.

"Ok?" Tara looks at him, astonished. "That's all you have to say, is ok? After all the fights we've had about this?"

"Well, I was kind of a dick then." He admits. "And I've thought about it, and I talked to Shea and she reminded me that this is a dream you've had for a really long time. And I think I always knew."

"Ok." Tara looks at him, bewildered by how relaxed he is about this. "Ok, well, I…"

"I have questions." Donna says loudly and Tara turns to her.

"Of course you do."

"Are you going to leave us?" She demands and Tara is momentarily lost for words.

"I promise to come back as much as I can." She settles on and Donna watches her with distrust. "I get vacations, and you guys can come visit on weekends, and it's not a big deal."

"But you're not going to be here." Donna sounds hurt. "You're not going to be with us."

"No, she's going to be at college, like she's always dreamed of." Jax says calmly and Tara head is spinning as she looks at him, defending her desire.

"I'm not saying I'm not proud of her." Donna says quickly. "I'm just surprised and… I don't know, sad."

"Donna, do you really think there's anything that could bring this friend group apart?" Jax asks with a grin and Donna is quiet.

* * *

"Hey." Tara says quietly, as Donna and Opie wander down the beach, talking. "Jax?"

"Yeah?" He looks over at her, having just finished a cigarette.

"Thank you." She intertwines their fingers, smiling at how familiar it feels. "Thanks for… Getting it."

"Of course." He smiles, rubbing a thumb over her check. "I just want you happy. I remember ages ago, you said that it was your dream. I don't ever want to be the guy that holds you back."

"You don't think our world's are getting too… Different?" She asks slowly, speaking her deepest fears.

"How about this?" Jax offers slowly. "I'll show you a little bit more of my world, ok?"

"What if I don't fit there?" She whispers.

"What if I show you that you can?" He offers and she looks at him in surprise. "I think I know how we can make this work."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He wraps his arms around her tightly, squeezing while they look out over the vast ocean. "Shea gave me the idea."

"Well thank god for Shea." Tara mutters, smiling. "She's saved us more times than I can count."

"Ah, don't tell her that." Jax rocks her gently. "She's already got a big head."

* * *

"Hey." Donna says quietly when they get back to the apartment. Tara looks up from where she's been picking out her clothes for the next school day, raising an eyebrow. "Are we still going to be friends when you go off to college?"

"Of course." Tara says quickly, setting down her clothes and rushing over to Donna, taking her hands. "We're best friends, remember? Sisters. Nothing can break us apart."

"Ok." Donna gives her a watery smile. "I just don't want anyone else to leave me."

"Who's leaving?" Shea asks, wandering in.

"Me, to college." Tara says, before yanking Shea into a hug. "Thank you for what you did."

"Hey, you literally saved my life." Shea pats her head. "Reminding Jax not to be a dick probably can't compare, but I do what I can."

"You're great." Tara gives her a squeeze then looks between the two girls. "Jax said he's going to bring me around the club more."

"He did?" Shea looks at her in surprise. "What did he say?"

"Just that he thinks he can show me how I belong there." Tara gives a little shrug. "I don't know really."

"Well, damn." Donna rouses herself and walks to Tara's closet, going through it. "Wait, is this my shirt?"

"What do you think it's going to be?" Tara turns to Shea, who's lost in thought.

"I have no idea." She says slowly. "I mean, really, all there is there is drinking and sex."

"Reassuring!" Donna calls.

"And no offense Tara, but Gemma isn't exactly clamoring to be your best friend." Shea gives her a wry smile and Tara snorts.

"Clamoring for my head is more like it."

"No, it's not like that." Shea sighs. "But still. I don't know. Shit is… Interesting with the club right now. How much do you two know?"

"Not much." Tara reveals while Donna calls,

"Nada."

"Ah," Shea looks a little uncomfortable, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Well, things are kind of going down. Things were really bad a couple years ago with another club, called the Mayans."

"Yeah, Opie's talked about them before." Donna says, trying on a pair of boots. Both Shea and Tara look at her. "What? He just said that if I ever saw a Mayan, that they don't exactly get along."

"That's one word for it." Shea sighs and shakes her head. "But I'm sure whatever it is Tara, it's nothing. Jax loves you so much, he'd never do anything to put you in danger."

"What constitutes danger for Jax though?" Tara points out and Shea falls silent, admitting her point.

* * *

"Oh my god, congratulations!" Donna squeals when Tara walks into yearbook three weeks before graduation. Tara tilts her head in confusion, looking at her in bewilderment.

"What?"

"Oh. Sorry. I read the letter before you." Donna hands her an opened envelope. "I got curious."

"Clearly." Tara says in amusement, looking down and pulling a letter from the ripped envelope. She glances over it, her jaw slowly dropping in surprise.

"Yeah!" Donna beams with pride. "You're the valedictorian! Congrats, and you get to give the speech at graduation!"

"Oh, shit." She says weakly, sitting down.

"So what are you going to say?" Donna asks, sitting on top of the table.

"I don't know, some corny stuff about your best years and remember where you came from and whatever." Tara jokes and Donna thinks it over.

"You should have Jax write some of it." She advises. "He's a really good writer."

"Yeah he is." Tara snorts, then holds the letter to her chest, savoring it for a minute. Then it gets tucked into her backpack. She's got work to do.

When she gets home, she excitedly puts the letter up on the fridge, waiting for a reaction from either Shea or Jax, whoever sees it first. Then she settles down to study for her finals, determined to practice for what college and it's tests will be like. She's quizzing herself on monuments when Jax comes flying in.

"Good, you're home." He says breathlessly. "Come on, I need you to come with me to the club."

"What?" Tara demands, setting her flashcards aside. "Like the club, club?"

"Yeah." Jax grabs her hand, dragging her forward. "I need your help, how many times have you done stitches?"

"Um, never." Tara lets him drag her out of the apartment, wide eyed.

"But you know in theory how they work, right?" Jax presses, leading her to his bike and Tara finches as they step into the bright sunlight, so blinding she stumbles on the curb to the parking lot.

"I mean, I know how I should do it, but— Jax, where are we going?" She demands, as he hands her a helmet.

"The clubhouse." He says, as though it should be obvious.

"Why?" Tara refuses to get on the bike until he explains.

"Because you always say that you don't have a place in my world." Jax attempts to keep calm, smoothing his hair back. "I'm showing you that you do."

"I don't—"

"I know." He yanks her to him. "Tara, would you just come on?"

"Fine." She gets on, wrapping her arms around him. "But I don't know what's going on!"

When they get to the club, Jax screeches to a stop, making the dust that covers everything in a thin layer fly. He gets off, offering her his hand. She takes it slowly, looking about in distrust. To her relief, Gemma is no where to be seen.

"C'mon, he's inside." Jax tells her, guiding her away from the garage and towards the clubhouse.

"Who's he?" Tara presses.

"Sam." Jax says, as if it should be obvious.

"Sam who?" Tara questions.

"He's a prospect at the club." Jax says, as though that explains everything and Tara looks at him in astonishment before he pushes the door open and ushers her inside.

The change from brightness and sweltering heat to dim lights and frigid air conditioning makes her skid to a stop, trying to adjust, blinking furiously. Once her visions clears, she can see clearly what's going on. A crowd of men are gathered around a guy sitting at the bar, slumped forward.

"Hey, Tara." Clay, standing in the corner, with a smug grin and a cigar, wiggles his fingers at her.

"Hi." It takes all her willpower not to shrink back. She turns to look at Jax, who still looks damned proud of himself.

"What's she here for?" Someone asks and Jax rests his hands on her shoulders.

"She's going to med school." He declares, voice filled with pride. "So she's gonna stitch Sam up."

"Uh, why can't he go to the hospital?" Tara wonders and there's a smattering of laughter.

"She's cute Jax." The wounded man says, raising his head and chuckling. "I've got a warrant out for my arrest."

"Oh." She squeaks, pressing back against Jax, who seems not to notice.

"It's just a couple stitches." Jax steers her towards him. "Think you can handle it?"

"Uh," Tara stares down as a first aid kit and a needle are shoved into her hands. "I don't…"

"It's not hard." Sam assures her, sitting up so she can see the gash better.

"God, how did you do this?" She asks, leaning forward to inspect it and forgetting about the rest of the crazy circumstances she's now found herself in.

"I fell down some stairs." He says flatly and she gives him a dirty look before glancing back at Jax.

"I'm going to need to clean this up first. Get me water, disinfectant, and some clean rags. Clean rags, I mean it."

"Sure." Still grinning, Jax claps the shoulders of a couple people and eventually the crowd around them thins.

"Do you feel light headed? Woozy?" Tara asks him quietly, trying to hide that her hands are shaking as she prepares.

"I haven't lost too much blood yet, if that's what you're asking." He says quietly, before taking another drink of his beer. Tara frowns at it disapprovingly. "What? Don't yell at me, little doc. This is the only numbing thing I'm going to get."

"You don't want anything else?" Tara mutters, glancing at the clubhouse around them. "I'm sure someone has something stronger here."

"Nah," He waves a hand. "I don't take that stuff. Not good for me."

"Sorry if you didn't come off as a hippie who cares about what goes in their body." Tara says quietly, taking the clean rags.

"I don't give a fuck about that." He gives a short bark of laughter before gritting his teeth as she starts to wipe away the blood around the wound. "Former drug addict."

"Oh." Tara pauses in her strokes, then resumes. "Is that why there's that whole warrant thing?"

"Yup." He doesn't elaborate, jaw clenched, so Tara falls silent as well.

Once it's as disinfected as possible, and clean enough for Tara to see where it starts and ends, she picks up the needle and thread. She detaches from herself, from it all, to slide the needle through his skin, then out and in again. It's just like following her textbook, though the skin provides a different sort of resistance than she'd been expecting.

It's by no means the smallest or straightest of stitches, but when she reaches the end and ties a careful, if not slightly clumsy knot, she sits back and looks at it with pride. The bleeding has mostly stopped now. Sam opens his eyes, a little white in the face.

"Gauze." Tara requests, holding her hand out and someone places some in. She carefully tapes it around his bicep, until all that remains of the gaping mar is a crisp white bandage and Sam's empty beer.

"I think I'm going to lay down." He declares, standing and using Jax for support. They slowly make their way to the back of the clubhouse, leaving Tara alone with her bloody instruments. She looks down at her hands in astonishment.

"Powerful, huh?" Clay asks, standing next to her and drinking his beer. He looks, for all intents and purposes, innocent, but the hairs on the back of her neck prickle, as she waits for something, she's not sure what.

"What is?" She asks politely.

"That feeling." He gestures to her hands. "Knowing that you can do things with them. Save people. Or not save them. You've got a talent, Tara."

"Thank you." She quietly folds her hands in her lap, suddenly feeling like she needs to protect them.

"You're going to make a great doctor." He tells her and she manages a smile.

"I hope so."

"How are you going to pay for college?" He questions abruptly and she's taken aback.

"Uh, I, well, uh—"

"Forgive me." He holds up a hand. "That was incredibly rude of me. I've got no right asking after your finances, I just pay for the apartment that you live in. And the whole town knows about your father and his… Struggles."

"Yes, they do." She bristles.

"But you're not him." Clay says quickly. "Much smarter. Brighter. Way more potential. You're going to go far, Tara Knowles."

"Thanks." She breathes a sigh of relief when Jax remerges. She makes her way to his side, glad to be away from Clay.

"Hey, you did amazing." He says honestly. "That was so great, I'm so proud."

"Thanks." Tara grins at him. "I was kind of scared, but you know,"

"Hang on." Jax abruptly cuts her off, darting across the room to speak to someone and she's left alone, uncomfortable. When he finally returns, he grins like it was nothing.

"Can we go home?" She asks quietly and he looks at her, surprised.

"Oh, do you want to?"

"Yeah." She says firmly. "I do."

"Ok." With a little hesitation, he pushes the door open for her. "Ok, well then, let's go. Not sure if Sam wants his doctor to leave yet."

"I'm not a doctor." She mumbles, putting the helmet on.

"Ok, what's up?" He stops her, looking at her imploringly. "Why are you like this?"

"Why am I like what?" She asks, huffy.

"I brought you here, I showed you how you can help. I opened up. Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what you needed from me?" He searches her face. "Why is it that even when I do what you asked, it's not good enough?"

"It's not that it's not good enough." Tara avoids his eyes. "Jax, it's that when I'm here, I don't feel comfortable. And then you leave me and go run off and you know that Clay creeps me out, just weird, and—"

"Ok." Jax grabs her shoulders and shakes her gently. "I'm sorry, ok?"

"Ok." She agrees, though she doesn't feel like he's being truthful.

"Alright, let's go home." He says, sitting on his bike. "I am proud of you, by the way."

"I got valedictorian." She remembers suddenly and he grins, clipping his own helmet.

"Of course you did. Honey, that's great."

"Thanks." Quietly, she gets on the bike, feeling like all of her accomplishments are suddenly for the wrong things.

 **AN:** Hey, another update! Let me know what you think! Reviews are great!


	70. Speeches

"And he had you do what?" Donna looks at her in astonishment.

"Stitch up what I think was a knife wound." Tara tells her, as the two of them lounge in the cafeteria, at a table selling yearbooks. No one is nearby to overhear, so Donna has no qualms about demanding,

"What the actual fuck?"

"I don't know." Tara shrugs. "I mean, I didn't kill him. Jax told me that he's fine, and he has worst scars."

"Oh my god." Donna rubs her temples. "That honestly sounds so insane."

"It was." Tara gives a little laugh, throwing her hands up. "I mean, I'm gonna go into college and having actually practiced doing stitches on a real live breathing human and everything."

"Can't say you won't get good practice." Donna remarks and Tara buries her head. College is still a weird topic around Donna, so she stays quiet while a young freshman comes up with an envelope and purchases a book. Donna takes his name down, takes the money, and waits until he's out of earshot before turning back to Tara with a quizzical expression.

"What?" Tara glances at the student's retreating back.

"Have you told Shea about this yet?"

"Ah, no." Tara fiddles with a pen. "I'm not quite sure what she'd say."

"Oh, I have some ideas." Donna raises an eyebrow. "Was Gemma there?"

"No, thank god." Tara frowns. "Or maybe I should wish that she was there. Maybe she'd like me more."

"What are you talking about, she loves you." Donna teases dryly and Tara throws the pen at her.

"He hasn't asked me to do it since, but I dunno." Tara bites her lip. "I mean, I like helping people and that's why I want to be a doctor. But it's just…"

"Just what?" Donna nudges.

"I don't know." Tara confesses. "I'm still scared of so much of it."

"Yeah," Donna watches as a group of boys walk through the halls, talking loudly and shoving each other into the lockers. "It's sure no CHS."

"No, it's not." Tara mutters.

* * *

When she gets home that night, she carefully marks another school day off the calendar, counting the days left. 17, until graduation and she walks across the stage. It seems unreal to her, and yet a blank notebook paper sits at the kitchen table, reminding her that she still hasn't completed her speech. She smiles as she remembers Donna's advice to have Jax do it.

"Christ, you will not believe the kind of day I just had." Shea declares, walking in and dramatically collapsing on the couch.

"Did you have a bridezilla?" Tara asks sympathetically.

"Two of them!" Shea exclaims. "Two, and they were both completely illogical. Ridiculous. Stupid annoying. Oh my god, ladies, it is a day. Just day. Get over it."

"But it's their big day." Tara mocks and Shea snorts.

"Yes, lord forbid. I would love to see what they did if they actually had to face hardships, instead of whining because they don't like taffeta."

"How can you not like taffeta?" Tara questions seriously and Shea grins at her.

"How was your day? Ellen's coming over to cook."

"Oh, good." Tara puts down the book of cereal she was holding. "Thank god. My day was fine. Hey, I have something to tell you."

"What's up?" Shea takes off her button-up, unbuttoning her slacks.

"So, remember how Jax said he was going to try to include me in the club?" She says slowly.

"Tell me he didn't try to make you and Gemma bond by having her give you blowjob lessons." Shea remarks, pulling off her socks. Tara sighs as they go flying, no where near the dirty laundry bin.

"No, but is that a thing?" She asks and Shea shrugs.

"I don't know, I took lessons in the other thing."

"Ok." Tara claps her hands over her ears. "Stop talking about that."

"Sorry." Shea grins. "Seriously though, what did that genius come up with?"

"He had me stitch up Sam's arm." Tara reveals and Shea goes still.

"Like needle and thread?" She asks slowly and Tara nods.

"Yeah, and I didn't do that bad of a job actually, I mean, I—"

"Tara." Shea puts up a hand to stop her and Tara goes silent with a slight frown. "That was his whole thing about how you belong in the club?"

"Yeah?" Tara answers, a little confused.

"God, idiot." Shea's face is screwed up in anger and Tara is taken aback.

"Why?" Tara questions and Shea sits up with a groan.

"Because Tara, like I've told him a hundred times, you don't belong in the club, that's just a fact. You're not like the girls there, you just aren't. And what blockhead Jackson doesn't realize is that that's ok. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to." She wrings her hands. "I want him to stop trying to fit you into his box. You can have your own box."

"Whoa." Tara sits down next to her, surprised. "Where's this coming from?"

"Sorry." Shea waves a hand. "It's just frustrating. And I'm probably getting too personal. But you are better than this Tara, you really are. And for a matter of fact, so is he. You'd do so much better than me. Or anyone here."

"What happened with you and Ellen?" Tara asks automatically and Shea gives a bark of laughter.

"Why does everyone always assume that?"

"Because she's the only thing that matters to you." Tara reminds her and Shea goes quiet, thinking it over.

"Ok, you make a good point. Here's mine." She gives Tara a serious look. "You belong with Jax, not to him. You don't have to assimilate to him like Donna and Opie seem to think couples do. Make sense?"

"Sure." Tara pats her knee. "Now I gotta study."

* * *

"Hey." Jax walks in right as Ellen's scooping pasta out onto their plates.

"How does he do that?" She wonders. "How does he always manage to do that?"

"Trust me, I've been asking myself that for years." Tara remarks, getting up and grabbing him another plate and glass.

"Smells great." He sits down, grinning at Shea and Ellen.

"We were just talking about graduation." Ellen tells him. "Tara still hasn't written her speech."

"Yes I have." Tara insists. "I mean, I've started."

"Yeah?" Jax raises an eyebrow. "What do you have so far?"

"Well guys, we did it." Tara reads then goes red when Jax snorts, nearly spraying his beer. "Ok, lay off!"

"And you're valedictorian with those writing skills?" Shea raises an eyebrow. "Wow, low standards."

"I'll fight you." Tara warns her. Shea grins shamelessly, then kisses Ellen's hand when she sits.

"Babe, I could help." Jax tells her and Tara smiles faintly, remembering Donna's advice.

"No, I want it to be surprise when you hear it." Tara tells him and he blinks.

"Oh, am I coming to graduation?"

"Were you not going to?" She demands, forgetting about the pasta. Shea and Ellen go quiet.

"I didn't know I had to!" Jax insists.

"Of course you do." Tara sets down her fork to fold her arms. "I get 4 seats right at the front for family. You, Opie, Shea, Ellen."

"What about your dad?" Ellen asks, before Shea hastily shushes her.

"Ok, ok, ok." Jax takes a bite of pasta, but it does nothing to stem Tara's glaring. "I'm going!"

"You better." She threatens, finally uncrossing her arms and taking a bite. Ellen looks between the two before timidly venturing,

"Thanks for inviting me Tara. It means a lot."

"Of course." Tara waves a hand. "You're family now too."

"Huh." Ellen shares a smile with Shea. "Well alright then."

* * *

"It's almost graduation." Donna skips around clapping her hands. "Two more days of school and then it's graduation. Two more days and then we never have to see this hell hole again!"

"It's not that bad." Tara protests.

"Oh, but it is." Donna sits down and puts her feet up. "Even you, prissy pants Knowles, has to admit, now that you're down to like one final, that this place is hell."

"Oh, it's not." Tara rolls her eyes. "You're overdramatic. What are you even doing here?"

"It's school." Donna says, as though it should be obvious. "And I'm a student."

"Since when do you care about school?" Tara points out. "Besides, everything is basically a study hall by now."

"I know." Donna grins, watching as other students attempt to stack chairs atop each other. "But I don't know. I'm trying to soak in the last few days you know? Pretty soon we'll graduate and it'll all be over."

"Are you getting nostalgic over a place you just called a hell hole not even thirty seconds ago?" Tara demands and Donna shrugs.

"Not the place. Just the concept of it." Donna waves a hand. "I mean, where else am I going to see you everyday? Where else am I gonna have basically no responsibilities, and can mess around, and have fun?"

"Good point." Tara hides a smile. "Not so much of a hell hole now is it?"

"Nope." Donna watches as the chairs crash down, winching sympathetically when a couple students get buried in the mess. "Still a piece of shit school."

"Ok." Amused, Tara turns back to her notes for her last final.

* * *

Not even her last test can distract her from the mood of the school. The heat is making even teachers antsy, ready to be out of the hot brick building and into the pools and air conditioned houses. The students are worse, half crazy already. Tara watches all of it in amusement.

It's just graduation, she thinks to herself. It's just high school. It's not even that hard to graduate high school- all someone has to do is show up. And that, she muses, is exactly where Opie and Jax went wrong. They couldn't be bothered to just show up. Donna did, and now she's set to graduate as well.

It probably seems momentous to those that aren't going on, she reflects. High school is the last tether to the childhood rhythm they've fallen in, going to school in the fall and abandoning it in the summer. Now, they'll go to the workforce, where there won't be any summer vacations.

For everyone else going on though, this does mark the sort of transitional stage. They're going to leave behind classmates, move on with their lives, and ascend to the next level of education. A distinct marker between the two groups, she thinks. Those who will set their diplomas aside and fix on the next one, and for those who will hang it with pride.

She reaches for her notebook that contains a few drafts of her speech, then pauses. She can't say that. She sighs and makes a face, shuffling her flashcards aimlessly. She doesn't know what she wants to say to her closest friends, let alone her entire graduating class and their families.

"Ms. Knowles." Her teacher says gently and she looks up. "The bell rang, you have a few minutes to get to your next class. Don't want to be late for your final, right?"

"No, thank you." Tara scrambles to gather up her stuff, having been lost in thought. "Thank you!"

"There you are." Mr. Cohen comments, as she rushes in a few moments before the next bell. "Thought for a moment you'd be late, I'd have to flunk you."

"No, sorry." Tara grins at him. She likes his wit.

"Ah, well, shame. Though I did the math and if you received zero marks on your final, it would only drop your grade to a 94%."

"I like round numbers." Tara jokes and he grins, gesturing to her seat. She slides in, tossing her backpack beneath her chair and grabbing a pencil. He hands out the test and Tara quickly gets to work, settling into her testing frame of mind.

It's an easy test, at least for her. She'd studied hard for this one, as a good score means she'll manage to get above 100% in the class, only the second person ever to manage that with Mr. Cohen. He sits at his desk, occasionally glancing up to smile and shake his head at her, flying through the test while others lag.

"And?" He asks, when she stands, the first one done, as always.

"Fun." She grins. "I liked your trick questions on the third page, they were clever."

"Glad you thought so." He chortles. "Alright, go, do something productive while I wait on your classmates."

"Thanks." Tara grabs her stuff and slips into the hallway, sitting at the tables, pulling out her notebook and staring at her speech.

' ** _DONE_** '. She write in all big letters, doodling around it. She draws two girls waving goodbye to the school, detailing them so they look like her and Donna. She's lost in thought until the bell rings and students trickle out, complaining about their finals and rejoicing at being done. Tara joins them, still thoughtful.

"Five, four, three, two," They chant, watching as the clock ticks down towards the last seconds of their day. "ONE!" When the bell rings, they burst into cheers, and the teachers join in with them, grinning despite themselves. Donna tugs Tara's arm, beaming.

"We did it!" She yells. "We did it!"

"Who would've thought?" Tara jokes, swept up in the crowd of students who are now pouring out of the school. Donna turns and sticks her middle finger up at the brick facade, grinning.

"Not me." She admits. "I never thought I'd get here."

"I always believed in you." Tara throws an arm around her shoulder.

"Thanks." Donna grins.

* * *

"There they are, our little graduates!" Jax declares, when Donna and Tara walk into the apartment. He, Opie, Shea, and Ellen are waiting, with streamers and a cake decorating the living room.

"Did you do this for us?" Donna questions, looking around in surprise.

"Well, considering you're the only ones here who managed to graduate high school besides Ellen, yes it's for you." Shea says wryly and Donna makes a face at her, kissing Opie's cheek.

"You guys are sweet." Tara says, smiling at it all. "Thank you."

"Good job babe." Jax kisses her forehead. "Proud of you."

"Thanks." Tara says softly.

"Now c'mon, there's cake!"

They eat and drink, settling down on the couch to watch TV. Tara's thankful that they're not trying to drag her to some party- she wants rest for tomorrow, so that she can get through her speech without any hesitations.

Before they go to bed, they make sure the caps and gowns are neatly hanging by the door. Donna's is plain white, while Tara's is decorated with cords, pins, and the medal that marks her as a valedictorian. Tara smiles at the difference, straightening out her attire.

"I am proud of you, you know." Shea stands behind the counter, cleaning up. Everyone else is getting ready for bed, bickering in the bathroom.

"Thanks." Tara glances back at her with a smile. "But it's just high school. Nothing to be proud of, not yet."

"Yeah?" Shea raises an eyebrow. "When can we be proud of you then?"

"I don't know." Tara laughs. "When I'm a doctor or when I do something good. When I do something actually impressive and worth celebrating."

"Ok Ms. Humble." Shea rolls her eyes and laughs. "Easy there."

"No, I mean it." Tara says, going to help her. "I mean, you're fighting drug addiction. And you do it every day. Anything I do isn't half as impressive."

"It's not impressive to be a drug addict." Shea says with a slightly bitter chuckle. "I know a dozen of them, nothing impressive about it."

"Yeah, but you're fighting it." Tara says eagerly. "You got out of it. You got a good job, a good girlfriend, you're living life and doing well. That's impressive. Not test scores or degrees."

"You think?" Shea looks at her, surprised, and Tara squeezes her waist.

"Yeah, I do. Now hold on, I have to go write my speech."

"It's the night before!" Shea calls as Tara runs for her bedroom. "How have you not finished it?"

* * *

"Wow, you look great." Opie comments, as Donna walks out, smiling and showing off her new dress through the open front of her commencement gown. She's wearing tall heels, and her cap is perched at a jaunty angle on her head.

"Thanks." She strikes a dramatic pose, making Ellen and Shea laugh. "Tara, do you want me to curl your hair?"

"Oh, sure." Tara stops making snacks, having planned to bring them to the party Donna and Opie are hosting after graduation.

"What are you doing? Get your dress on!" Donna admonishes, seeing Tara still in her pajamas.

"Sorry." Tara grins and ducks into the bathroom to plug in the curling iron.

Donna gets her ready, fussing over her and applying makeup. Tara sits patiently, letting Donna have her moment. This means more to her than it does to Tara anyways. Finally, both of them are dressed, caps secured with bobby pins.

"You look great!" Jax exclaims, but Tara grins and kisses his cheek, turning to Shea.

"Bring the snacks to Donna's, then meet us at the school. You guys have reserved seats in the front." She reminds them, as Donna encourages her to hurry up out the door. "Don't be late— Jax, change your shirt— and we'll see you— Ok bye!" Donna drags her away.

They get in line with the other students, separating with a wave as Tara goes to the front, standing near the teachers and principal, fingers nervously fluttering with her speech. When the music begins to play, she takes a deep breath and starts to walk.

The gym is packed with families, smiling and waving, cheering on their students. Tara watches, smiling, just a twinge of sadness for her own missing parents. But then she spots Jax, Opie, Shea, and Ellen, sitting in the front room, beaming. Jax didn't change out of his reaper crew shirt, but Tara is so giddy she can't bring herself to mind.

She sits separate from her class onstage, watching and listening as various teachers and other people talk about their achievements, how they will go out into the world, how they can make a difference, and how they will one day look back fondly on their high school experience. Then, without much delay, she's introduced and finds herself at the podium. She looks out over her class, most of whom are watching her with varying degrees of interest, finds Donna's excited gaze, and smiles.

"To my classmates, I don't think there are much sweeter words than these." She begins. "We did it. We've been hearing these words, sometimes endlessly, for the past couple weeks. And now, I say them just one last time. We did it.

"We finished our finals. We cleaned out our lockers. We returned our books, or paid the fines for not remembering quite where we put them. We gave back our uniforms and jerseys, we put away our cleats and equipment. We recycled our old papers; or we'll burn them and celebrate tonight.

"We did it. We no longer have to show up for classes, or at least try to sneak in late. We can toss our calculators in a drawer somewhere and try to forget how to graph things. We will never think of our vocabulary questions again, except to wonder what the difference is between affect and effect.

"We did it. We said our goodbyes to our teachers, some a little more heartfelt than others, and we emptied our lunch money accounts. We are finished with high school. In a few short minutes, each of you will have your name called, be handed your diploma, and we will leave here, never to again be called a student of Charming High.

"We've heard a lot of advice. Do good. Be better. Make a difference. Inspire change. What else is there for me to say here that hasn't already been said? My words then to you are simple. Yes, we did it. We finished high school.

"But don't let this be the end. Don't let this be the climax of your story. Don't let this be the highlight reel. I'm not saying that you can't look back with fond memories. Cherish the time we got to spend together. But do something more that you can be proud of.

"It doesn't have to be something major. I'm not asking anyone here to cure cancer, or to establish a colony on Mars. We can be more than this, each in our separate ways. Maybe that means college, and getting a degree. Or maybe it's starting a family, and raising the next generation to be a little bit better than we were raised. Maybe it's making the decision, each and every day, to get up, make good choices, and battle your demons.

"That's all I ask of you. Be good. Be a better person tomorrow than you were today. Keep moving forward, and if you're ever tempted to look back, do it with fondness, not bitterness. Everything as we know it is about to change."

She sits down amidst cheers and smiles. Donna is beaming, flashing her the thumbs up, while Jax and Opie loudly wolf-whistle. She grins, taking a deep breath to settle her still racing heart as names are called and students begin to file across the stage.

When she's handed her, she looks down at it in surprise. All her work, all her years, for this little thing. Finally, when the last of them has made their way across, she watches and moves her tassel, grinning as the caps go flying. Students march back out and Tara goes last, grinning all the while.

* * *

"Your speech was amazing!" Donna squeals, when they all meet on the grassy lawn. "Best there ever was, hands down."

"You have to say that, you're my best friend." Tara remarks and Jax kisses her head.

"No babe, it really was amazing."

"Glad you guys liked it." Tara beams, then looks down at the diploma in her hands. "Well, now that I finally have this, how about we celebrate all the work that went into it?"

"That's my girl." Jax says cheerfully.

That night, as she sits in a happy haze of alcohol, watching as Jax mingles, Donna and Opie make out, and Shea and Ellen talk, she lets herself, just for a moment, relish this one accomplishment.

 **AN:** Alternative chapter title- "if I got to write a commencement speech..." Did I put myself back into that high school mindset? Hey, tell me in a review!


	71. Dive Bar

"Well, you should!"

Tara wakes up to shouted words and the sound of a door slamming on her 17th birthday. Drowsily, she sits up and stumbles her way into the kitchen, where Shea is sitting slumped at the table.

"What's wrong?" She asks and Shea leaps up like she's been prodded.

"Happy birthday!" She cries loudly, hugging Tara tightly.

"Thanks. Where'd Ellen go?" Tara cranes her neck over Shea's shoulder to look at the door.

"Oh, she just had to run." Shea says quickly, and Tara squints at her, trying to pick up on the lie. "But she wanted me to wish you a happy birthday and she left treats for you in the fridge."

"Oh, that was sweet of her." Tara remarks, opening up the fridge, smiling at the sight of brownies within. "I'll have to tell her thank you."

"Sure." A little distracted, Shea pats her shoulder. "I'm going to, uh, brush my teeth."

"Ok." Tara watches her disappear. She pours herself a bowl of cereal and wanders back into her bedroom, sitting down beside a still sleeping Jax, thoughtful. After a long moment, his hand snakes out and snags her waist.

"Good morning birthday girl." He says, smiling up at her, eyes crinkling with delight at the sight of her.

"Hello." She smiles briefly down at him. "I think Shea and Ellen are in a fight."

"Why?" Jax frowns at her instantly.

"I think Ellen stormed out this morning. And Shea was acting funny." Tara takes a bite of cereal. "I hope that they're ok."

"Me too." Jax frowns. "Shea would be heartbroken."

"Yeah," Tara pauses, tapping her spoon against the bowl. "But Ellen made brownies before she left."

"Oh, good." Jax relaxes instantly. "Are they good?"

"Haven't had one yet." Tara tells him and he raises an eyebrow. "Yes, you can have one."

"Love you!" He yells, rolling out of bed, dashing for the kitchen.

"Love you too." Tara mutters back, shaking her head and laughing.

* * *

Donna and Opie arrive later in the afternoon, bearing Chinese food and presents for Tara. Shea hangs on the fringes of them, distracted and contemplative. Tara tries to bring her into the conversation, but when she resists, she lets her be.

Donna gets her a big photo collage for college, full of snaps of them through high school. Them, sitting on the bikes on a cliffside. The boys, laying on the beach during sunset. Tara, beaming at the camera as she wades in a river. Them, blurry, the only thing in focus in the picture is their ice cream.

Tara treasures it, promising to hang it on the wall in her dorm room so that she can keep it forever. Jax gets her a beautiful fountain pen, proudly telling her she's going to need it to write all her essays and such. Opie gets her a pair of shoes that she'd pointed out to Donna a couple weeks earlier and Tara thanks him while looking at her, laughing.

"What are we going to do today?" Tara asks, as she finishes off her lo mien, tossing the container into the garbage.

"It's your birthday." Donna reminds her. "You get to pick."

"I like this." Tara reminds them. "It's just fine."

"Well," Jax exchanges a glance with Opie. "Actually, there's something we have to do tonight."

"What?" Donna asks, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing." Opie says quickly.

"What?" Tara joins in with Donna. "Tell us."

"Well, it's just that, uh, Clay wants us to do something tonight. But we don't have to. It's not important." Jax says quickly.

"What?" Tara folds her arms. "On my birthday?"

"In his defense, he doesn't know it's your birthday." Opie remarks and Donna gives him a look that quiets him quickly.

"It's nothing. We're not going. Don't worry about it." Jax tries to wrap his arms around her but Tara ducks him.

"What is it Jax?" She urges. "Tell me. You said we were going to try to make things work. How do things work if you don't tell me where you're going, especially on my birthday?"

"Uh," Jax and Opie have a silent conversation with their eyes, before finally seeming to come to an agreement. "Well, Clay wants us to go to this bar, we just have to talk about some stuff. It's not a big deal, we were just going to head over there and do some stuff. It'll take us like an hour, probably less."

"Ok." Tara glances at Donna. "Ok, well what should we do then?"

"Come with." Jax offers and everyone in the room, Shea included, looks at him in astonishment.

"Are you nuts?" She finally demands. "You're not taking them there."

"What, where?" Donna looks between them all. "Where are we going?"

"It's a dive bar in Lodi." Opie explains quietly. "You guys wouldn't want to go anyways."

"Well, what are we going to do there?" Donna crosses her arms. "We've been to bars before."

"Not biker bars." Shea looks alarmed. "Not places like this. You're not taking them."

"Since when are you the mom?" Jax asks her and her jaw snaps shut and she falls silent.

"I'll go." Donna says brashly. "Do you want to go, Tara?"

"I suppose." Tara says slowly and Shea shakes her head, standing and walking to her room.

"What's her deal?" Opie asks and Tara sighs.

"I think she's fighting with Ellen. If she doesn't come out, I'll go talk to her." Tara promises.

"Alright." Donna eyes the door. "Well, then, are we going?"

"Alright." Tara looks at Jax, who seems surprised but he nods.

"Sure. Sure, let's do that."

* * *

"Do I need more makeup?" Donna inspects herself critically in the mirror.

"No, you're gorgeous." Tara says automatically, swiping on mascara.

"I'm not going for gorgeous, I'm going for old." Donna reminds her and Tara chuckles, glancing at her. She does look far older than her 18 years, with her big hair and heavy makeup and tight clothes.

"You look grownup." She remarks, nodding in approval.

"Good." Donna looks her over. "You look good too. I love that top."

"Ah, thanks." Tara looks down at it in surprise, noting it's dark tones and tightness. "Don't think it makes me look too much like the girls at the club?"

"Well, isn't that what we're trying to look like?" Donna points out and Tara is quiet, thinking on it.

"Hey, are you two ready?" Jax yells through the closed door.

"No!" Tara and Donna yell back in unison.

"God, we are going to be late." Jax mutters darkly and the girls glance at each other, grinning.

"Five more minutes." Donna calls cheerfully.

"Donna!" Opie bangs on the door. "Let's go woman!"

"So demanding." Donna kicks the door back. "Calm down."

"Dear god." The boys whine from behind the door.

"Get a chair, we're breaking it done." Tara hears Jax tell Opie and she groans, unlocking the door and opening to give them an indignant look.

"Could you have two more minutes of patience?" She demands and they're grinning, unabashed.

"No. You look great. Can we go now?" Jax demands, ushering them out of the room.

"Why are you so demanding?" Donna smacks them both as she strides out, grabbing her purse. "Fine, fine, fine, let's go."

"I think I will fight her." Opie states, shaking his head, before following her out.

"Drama queens." Tara shakes her head. "Well, c'mon, let's go."

"Ridiculous." Jax locks the door behind him. "You are all insane."

* * *

The drive is chilly, and Tara shivers against Jax's back, trying to keep herself behind him and out of the wind. She suddenly wishes that she had thrown on a jacket, or that they'd left before the sun had set. When they pull into a dirt parking lot to the side of a rundown shack, Jax parks and turns to look back around at her in concern.

"Cold." She says, flashing him a little smile and hugging her arms around herself tightly.

"Come here." Jax draws her into his arms and rubs her upper arms vigorously. "I'm sorry, if you would've said something, I would grabbed you a jacket."

"No, it's fine." Tara gives him a reassuring smile, trying to stop her teeth from chattering.

"Let's go inside." He encourages quickly, shuffling her inside hastily. When he opens the door, Tara shrinks back, looking around in alarm. It's an assault to every one of her senses.

Though the bar is dark, lights are flashing through gaps in the crowd, disorientating her. It reeks of cigarettes and stale beer, mingling with what must be the BO from 100 hot, sweaty, hairy men. They press on all sides of her, spilling their drinks and loudly talking over the wail of heavy metal music blasting from a dirty jukebox.

Wide eyed, she reaches out for Donna's hand instead of Jax's, yanking her towards herself. Donna looks similarly surprised, holding tight to Tara's hand, the boys on either side of them, looking unbothered. The two girls hang on each other tightly, only a few steps into the bar.

"C'mon," Opie guides them forward, unaware of how startled they both are. "Let's get some drinks."

"Yeah, good idea." Jax is looking around and Tara suddenly notices that he's wearing all SAMCRO items, from his tee-shirt to the rings that sit on his fingers. She trails him, trying to figure out what this means for the night.

"Holy shit." Donna whispers in Tara's ear as Jax and Opie slip through the crowd of men, trying to make their way to the bar to get drinks.

"Uh, yeah." Tara watches a man walk past them with a scar that divides his cheek in half. "Do we run away?"

"Um, no." Donna squeezes tightly to her as a woman strides past them, glancing at them with a sneer. "No, we have to stay here."

"I don't think I want to." Tara mutters, looking down at her clothes and suddenly feeling abruptly out of place. "I think I want to ask Jax to take me home."

"No, please, stay with me." Donna begs, clinging to her hand. "Please don't leave me. Please, stay."

"Donna, we're still teenagers." Tara hisses, noticing how many eyes linger on them. "We shouldn't even be here!"

"Tara, we've been to bars before. Don't go." Donna pleads. "It's your birthday, we'll only be here for a little bit ok?"

"Ok fine." Tara relaxes as Jax emerges, holding a drink for her with a disarming smile.

"Hey, don't leave us, ok?" Donna smiles up at Opie, holding his chin.

"Why?" He frowns just slightly. "Scared?"

"Kinda." Donna gestures to the crowd. "Don't want to get kidnapped."

"You won't." Jax disregards it with a laughter and a wave. He lets Tara press into his side, quietly sipping her drink.

Jax and Opie seem to know everyone who walks past them, greeting them with a smile and a nod, occasionally bending their heads to talk. No words ever reach Tara's ears, so she is quiet, watching the rest of the people filter through. Donna is trying to make friends, being her typical outgoing self.

"Hey, I'm going out back to smoke, wanna come?" Opie offers Donna, who nods, slipping her hand into his.

"Tara?" She asks and Tara glances at her with a halfhearted smile.

"I'm ok, thanks."

"Ok, we'll be back soon." Donna promises, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Ok." Tara watches them go, sitting beside Jax and listening as he jokes and talks with men that must be twice as old as they are. She keeps watching, until she glances down and realizes that she has several cups empty sitting beside her. "Hey, Jax."

"Yeah babe?" He glances back at her with mild concern and surprise.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." She tells him, standing and slightly wobbling.

"You good?" He asks, watching and holding onto her forearm.

"I'm fine." She tries to give him a bright smile. "Just need to pee."

"Ok." He watches her go for a moment, then turns back to whoever he's having a conversation with.

Tara stumbles and tries to work through the crowd, towards the bathroom she'd spotted when she first walked in. It's hard work getting through the crowd, with men who may as well be statues standing in her path. Beer is spilled on her as she jostles her way to the bathroom, finally getting them.

She pushes the door open, slipping in and shutting it behind her, locking it and taking a deep breath. It's gross and dingy, but it affords her a measure of privacy and space. She tries to take a deep breath, gagging on the smell. Then she hovers over the toilet, trying to pee without actually touching anything in the room.

When she washes her hands, she wets a paper towel and holds it to the back of her neck. She's hot and flushed, too drunk and hot from the constant press of the bodies at the bar. She tries to settle down, trying to breathe deeply and calm herself down.

Once she's relaxed herself enough that she can breathe again and the world has stopped spinning, she unlocks the door and walks out. Instantly, she finds her path blocked by a mammoth of a man, looming over her.

"Sorry." Automatically, she takes a step back, putting her hands up.

"Hey." He gives her a slow smile, taking a step closer to her. "What's your name?"

"Um," She hesitates, eyes darting around. No one appears to notice her, half the size of him, pinned between him and the wall. "I'm nobody."

"Nobody?" He raises an eyebrow, taking another step closer and now her back is to the wall. "You don't look like nobody."

"Oh, I am." She tries to give him a little smile, but now, panic is setting in. "I should, uh go back…"

"To where?" He puts a hand next to her face, effectively blocking her in.

"My, uh, boyfriend." She says hesitantly. He frowns, looking her over again, taking note of the ring that sits on her finger especially.

"Where's he?" He asks her with a sneer. Tara clamps her mouth shut, trying to shrink down and make herself as small as possible, desperately looking around for Jax.

"Over there." She points vaguely towards where she'd come from, trying to spot the blond hair of Jax.

"I don't see him." He remarks. "It looks like it's just me and you honey."

"I really, really, should go." Tara tries to duck under his arm, but then he grabs her shoulder, turning her back to face him.

"Why? We're having fun here." He grins, and nothing in his smile gives Tara indication that what's to come will be anything but fun. Her breathing gets rapid, panic seeping into every inch of her body. She wants to run, but a firm hand is anchoring her to the spot, preventing her from getting away.

"I need to— I have to— Please, I don't— I—" She stammers and he leers. "Please, don't."

"Come on." He gets closer to her. "You're a beautiful girl, come on, let me have a taste."

"No," Tears are filling Tara's eyes. "No, don't, please."

"Hey!" A loud yell draws the attention of everyone in the vicinity, including Tara and the man. Jax stands behind him, livid.

He looks like Tara has never seen him before. She's seen him beat her father, and she's seen him get into fights, and she's seen him angry. But nothing compares to this. He looks wild, eyes blazing and wide. He, without hesitation, tackles the man, twice is his size.

Tara shambles out of the way, looking down in shock at her boyfriend, as Jax pummels the man, his lips pulled back, savage. She can't move, because the melee has inspired other fights to break out. She stays still, blinking, stunned.

She hardly notices when Donna emerges from the crowd, grabbing her by the shoulders. Opie is trying to pull Jax off the man, while also avoiding the other fights that are encroaching. Donna shuffles her out, squeezing past the other people.

"Are you ok?" Donna demands and Tara opens and closes her mouth a couple times, taking in the cold night air.

"I, um…" She blinks, still startled and Donna grabs her face, holding her still so that she can look Tara in the eyes.

"Are. You. Ok?" Donna repeats carefully. "He was grabbing you."

"He was." Tara says vaguely, still feeling like she's out of her own body. "Where's Jax?"

"Coming." Donna glances at the door. "Maybe."

"Oh, ok good." Tara sits down in the dirt and Donna looks at her in alarm, kneeling down in front of her.

"You're scaring me." Donna says, holding her face and searching over her. "Did he hurt you?"

"Where's Jax?" Tara repeats and now Donna is genuinely worried.

"Tara, I just told you, he's— Jesus!" She yelps, looking up. Jax and Opie are stumbling out, and blood is pouring down Jax's face.

"Just a scratch." He assures her, kneeling down by Tara. Tara looks up at him, her eyes focusing on the blood. Robotically, she raises her hand up and wipes away the blood.

"You're ok. Head wounds just bleed a lot." She states and Donna bites her lip.

"Is she in shock?" She demands.

"No. Drunk and scared." Tara answers, but now that her hands have something to do, and her mind has something to focus on, she is calming down. Jax sits still, letting her poke and prod at the wound, until Tara has returned to a state of normalcy.

"Are you hurt?" Jax asks her gently, once she's satisfied with the bleeding stopping.

"No." She gives him a weak smile. "How are you?"

"I'd like to go home. Do you want to go home?" He brushes her hair back and she nods. "Ok. Let's go home." He glances up at Opie and Donna, both of whom are watching in concern.

"Yes, let's go home." Donna says in relief. "Let's all just go home."

Jax gives Tara a sweatshirt as they ride back, but the wind cools her skin and she tries to breath it in. It's settling, the sky overhead dark, and the wind the only thing she can hear. She tries to bring calm back.

Nothing happened, she reminds herself. Nothing even happened. She's fine, it's all fine. He didn't hurt her, though she's wondering if she'll see his hand print bruised into her shoulder tomorrow morning. But the what-ifs, the what could have beens, the maybes keep running around in her head.

He could have hurt her. He could have raped her. He could have done anything to her, and her utter powerlessness overwhelms her. She couldn't have done anything against him, despite the lessons in self defense Jax has sporadically taught her over the years.

She hangs tight to him, trying to block out the dark thoughts, but when they pull up to the apartment, she's resumed trembling. Jax, noticing with concern, wraps her under his arm.

"Come on," He croons. "Come on, let's go inside."

They get inside, and Tara strips herself of her dirty, sweaty clothes. Without saying a word, she gets into the shower, the hot water stinging her still chilled skin. Jax follows her, silent. When they've showered, Tara walks to her room, collapsing into her bed, drawing the covers up as high as they can go, until they're over her head.

Jax slips in underneath them, pulling Tara close to him carefully. She buries her face in his neck, and he brings her close to him. She doesn't even realize that he's crying until she feels dampness in the side of her face.

"Jax, what's wrong?" She looks up at him in concern and he just holds her close for a long moment before he says,

"Tara, something could've happened to you."

"Nothing did." She says quickly, then wonders why she's comforting him instead of the reverse.

"I shouldn't have brought you there." Jax mutters into her hair and Tara strokes his arm, without saying a word, until both of them finally are lulled into sleep.

 **AN:** Feeling like this returned the story to it's roots a little... We're a couple chapters out from the end. I'm still undecided where exactly I'll end it, but reading reviews is wonderful inspiration...


	72. Sunshine and Grief

Abruptly, Jax and Opie's attitudes shift. Without much warning whatsoever, Tara and Donna are shut out of the boys and anything involving the club. Jax and Opie refuse to say where they are, or what they're doing, or where they're going.

Donna and Tara, bewildered, have no idea what to do. They meet with Shea, going for ice cream, and the discussion quickly turns to the boys and their change of heart. Shea listens, thoughtfully stirring her melted strawberry ice cream in the bowl.

"What happened to bringing us in?" Tara mutters, looking down at the melted confection in her dish. "What happened to wanting to make us feel comfortable, making this work?"

"Exactly." Donna twists her hair up, sweating in the heat of the day. It's hot, the sun beating down unfiltered from the cloudless sky, and the temps are rising with every passing hour.

"The whole bar thing probably freaked them out." Shea remarks.

"Freaked them out?" Tara raises an eyebrow. "Freaked them out, what about us?"

"Yeah," Donna agrees. "We're the ones that stuff was going to happen to. We were the ones that were in danger— Well, Tara was, but still."

"That's the club though." Shea inches her toes back from encroaching sun, back to the safety of the shade. "There's no safety."

"What?" Donna says, in alarm, looking at Shea.

"Not for Jax and Opie." Shea rolls her eyes. "They're men. They're safe. Or, I mean, as safe as you can be in there. But the women aren't. Not even Gemma, and she's the queen."

"What do you mean?" Tara questions her and Shea sighs.

"Ok, let's talk about what happened on your birthday." She states. "You went to a bar with a guy, another guy hit on you, albeit in a threatening manner, and then Jax had to beat him to keep him from doing things with you. Imagine how that would've played out if Jax hadn't been there. Or if he didn't care."

"Didn't care?" Tara struggles with that. "Of course he cares."

"Yeah, about you." A note of bitterness slips in. "But that's because he loves you. The other guys in the club, they don't love. And if it had been anyone but Jax, they probably would've let him take you. Why get in a fight over one woman?"

"Because I didn't want him." Tara says in astonishment. "It would've been… Well, rape!"

"They don't see it that way." Shea says flatly. "Women aren't shit there. They don't matter. You do what you're told, even if that means sleeping with someone you don't want to sleep with."

"What?" Donna demands, horrified.

"Of course, you guys are a step above." Shea waves a hand. "You guys are girlfriends, you've actually had a guy get attached to you. You don't just have to keep sleeping with prospects or patches, hoping that one will like you enough to make you at least somewhat exclusive. Otherwise you just keep getting beers and sucking dick."

"Seriously?" Tara's jaw is dropped.

"Why do you think they won't tell you anything?" Shea angrily throws her ice cream towards the general vicinity of the garbage can. "It's because the club is brutal, and hard."

"Jesus Christ." Donna's ice cream is long forgotten. She's staring at Shea, alarmed. "But what… They're not doing that stuff. Right?"

"If they aren't now, they will be." Shea sniffs. "They always do."

"But Jax and Opie are different." Tara insists. "That's why Jax took me to the club."

"And Opie tells me stuff." Donna adds quickly. "That's how we work things out."

"He tells you stuff." Shea snorts. "Stuff, not everything. What does he tell you, oh, sometimes we box outside the club, we drink beer, yeah we went and rode to Stockton, but it was just to see some guys? That's all he tells you, right?"

"Well, yeah." Donna glances at Tara. "What else is there?"

"Hm, maybe there's the fact that they've got enemies all over the place." Shea is heavy with the sarcasm. "And that they do bad shit— illegal shit, that they will never tell you anything."

"Like what?" Donna folds her arms, narrowing her eyes.

"You know what?" Shea stands, brushing her clothes off. "I'm gonna go."

"Why?" Tara demands.

"Because I'm over this shit." She snaps and both Tara and Donna are taken aback. "You guys can go ask your beloved boyfriends all about the stuff that they don't tell you and how they're just going to hurt you and break you and destroy everything." With that, she storms away.

"Holy shit." Donna blinks and turns to Tara. "Think she's fighting with Ellen?"

"Totally." Tara watches as Shea pulls away. "Think she's ok?"

"No." Donna sighs, throwing her ice cream towards the garbage and pulling her sunglasses down. "I don't think any of us are."

* * *

"Hey," Tara knocks on Shea's door, poking her head into Shea's room. "Can we talk?"

"No." Shea's covers are pulled up over her head.

"Can we talk anyways?" Tara sits down on her bed and Shea peeks over the blankets, glaring at her.

"No."

"Alright." Tara blinks balefully, waiting for Shea. After a couple moments, she finally huffs loudly.

"Fine, what?"

"What's wrong with you and Ellen?" She urges and Shea glares, then yanks the covers up and over her head, disappearing beneath them. After a pause, Tara slips beneath the covers and glances at Shea, who promptly bursts into tears.

"Everything is awful." She hiccups, once she's got her sobs under control. "We're fighting."

"About what?" Tara asks, rubbing her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

"Life." Shea mourns. "And the future, and all that shit that comes along with it."

"Ok, a little vague." It's hot under the covers, so Tara pulls it off, taking a deep breath of fresh air. "Tell me more?"

"I love Ellen." Shea says, somewhat sadly, cradling a pillow close to her. "I love her so much. And that scares the shit out of me, so I self-sabotage. And I think I fucked it up."

"And what happened?" Tara says patiently.

"She's just so perfect. And I'm just so fucked up." Shea says mournfully. "Like why would a girl like her who has all her shit together want a girl like me? No one wants me. No one ever has. Not my mom or my dad or my family."

"Come on, that's not true." Tara insists. "We all want you!"

"Yes," Shea buries her face in the pillow. "But she doesn't!"

"Ok, why?" Tara prods her with her toe. "Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why—"

"Because I told her I didn't want her." Shea bursts and Tara looks at her in astonishment.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Because I'm crazy." Shea groans. "And my mind is fucked up and I can blame my upbringing and my shitty mental health but really, when it comes right down to it, I wanted to commit to her. And the second I realized it, I immediately went back to what I always do."

"Ok, yeah, you do that." Tara admits, thinking back on what Shea has done, cheating on her girlfriends and running away. "But look on the bright side. You didn't really self destruct this time."

"I didn't?" Shea looks at her incredulously.

"Yeah, you didn't." Tara gives her a grin. "You didn't cheat. You didn't give up and run away. You're still here, and that's more important than the fact that you had a little meltdown. You can go back to her, say sorry, and make up. You haven't lost her, you haven't ruined it, everything is fine."

"You think?" Shea says doubtfully. "She doesn't hate me?"

"She's probably mad." Tara admits. "I would be. But she loves you, of course she's not going to hate you."

"I would." Shea mutters and Tara rolls her eyes, flopping back down amongst Shea's many pillows, pushing away a pile of dirty clothes so that she can settle in.

"While, you're not her." She says factually and Shea ponders that for a minute.

"So you think I should talk to her?" She says slowly.

"Apologize." Tara corrects. "But yes, I don't think that'd be a bad plan of action."

"Yeah?" Shea thinks it over then suddenly nods. "Ok, ok, ok. Alright. I'm going. I'm going to go."

"Really?" Tara sits up in surprise. "Like you're gonna just go do it? No more fighting it?"

"Nope." Shea leaps up, tearing through her closet. Tara ducks the jeans and tops that come flying towards her. "I love her. This is my romantic comeback moment."

"Want me to grab the boombox?" Tara jokes and Shea gives her a look, but dives deeper into her closet.

"What about this top?" Shea holds up one and before Tara can even answer, she discards it. "Nope, not good enough. Where's the blue top, the tight one, that I love?"

"I don't know." Tara watches her happily, reclining in the bed. "Donna probably stole it."

"Damnit Donna, is there nothing that she won't steal from us?"

"No, no boundaries."

* * *

"Ok." Shea says finally, once she's got her hair and makeup done, settled on her outfit, and has managed to stop pacing. "Tell me I can do this."

"You can do this." Tara says obediently. "You're going to be fine. You love her. You love her and she loves you and you'll figure it all out, I promise."

"Look at us." Shea suddenly bursts into a smile and bounds forward, grabbing Tara's head and kissing her forehead. "God, remember the first time we met and I was doing the same thing with you and Jax?"

"I do." Tara smiles up at her. "You've saved my relationship more than a few times."

"Well, you saved my relationship and my life, so I think I owe you from now until the day I die." Shea squeezes her chin. "Ok, wish me luck!"

"Go get the girl!" Tara calls as Shea rushes out, smiling to herself. "Oh, they grow up so fast."

* * *

She spends the rest of the evening going around the apartment, cleaning up Shea's clothes by dumping them into her bedroom, soaking the dirty dishes, and organizing her items. She sets aside an envelope that talks about her orientation, vowing to think about that later, when she can talk to George.

Then, once she's well settled into the night, she retreats to her bedroom, picking up her book. She wonders, briefly, where Jax might be, but she is use to him crawling into their bed at all hours of the night. She turns the light off, nestles into bed, and falls asleep.

"Tara, Tara, Tara, wake up." Jax is suddenly shaking her awake. "Tara, c'mon, wake up."

"What?" She mumbles, trying to drag her eyes open, but each lash seems to have a brick weighted to it, and it's impossible to see Jax's face.

"Tara, get up." He orders, and the note of panic in his voice finally serves to make Tara open her eyes. The room is dark, but she can still make out just the most prominent features; his eyes, wide and fearful, brimming with tears.

"What happened?" Tara demands, trying to sit up, relying on Jax to assist her. He keeps patting her, checking to see if she's whole, and the alarm is rising. "Jax?"

"We have to go." Jax mutters. "We have to go now."

"Go where?" Tara stumbles towards her dresser. Blindly, Jax shoves a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt towards her. "Jax, tell me what's happening."

"Get dressed." He orders, walking out of the bedroom, leaving her in bewilderment.

Uncaring of whether she matches or not, she pulls on the clothes, stumbling out into the living room. Her mind is spinning. Squinting, she tries to see what time it is- judging by the weak light filtering in, it must be early, closer to 5 than 6. When she gets to the living room, she stops in alarm.

Donna is sitting on the couch, sobbing. It occurs to Tara that she must've been in the deepest state of sleep, and then in a haze of confusion, to have missed the noises emitting from her best friend. She lurches forward to Donna.

"What—" Tara grabs Donna's forearms, but she's looking up at stoic Opie. "What's going on?"

"We have to get to the clubhouse." Jax is anguished, Tara can tell. She's seen him like this, just a few times before, and each time has been centered around the death of someone he loved. Her heart begins to sink, mouth dry.

"What's going on?" Tara turns to Donna, shaking her slightly.

"Why was she there?" Donna demands. "Why was she there?"

"Why was— who— What's going on?" Tara turns back to Jax and Opie, eyebrows furrowed. "You guys, what?"

"We need to go to the club, now." Opie pulls both girls up by their elbows. "Come on, let's go now."

"Where are we going? What happened?" Tara wrenches her arms from his grasp. "Why are we going to the club? You guys, what is going on?"

"Something bad happened." Opie says flatly, while Jax is quiet. Tara glances at him, but he avoids her eyes, so without much fanfare, Tara let's him drag her out.

When they get to the clubhouse, Tara is blown away by how many bikes and cars are there. Two men stand at the gate, letting them in by opening the gate just slightly, enough for the two bikes to slip through. She begins to feel sick, bile threatening in the back of her throat, when she spots the guns they carry.

Donna is still crying, but Tara's eyes are dry while her heart is racing, mind ticking away. Jax keeps an arm around her, ushering her into the clubhouse. When she walks in, the first thing she notices is the women, and Gemma standing at the helm of them all.

"Jax," Tara turns to him, grabbing his shoulders. "What happened? What is going on?"

"You should sit." He guides her to a couch and Tara doesn't even care that it's covered in crumbs and dark spots. "Tara, uh, something happened."

"What?" Her heartbeat is erratic, and her stomach seems to contort on whims. "What happened Jax?"

"Um, Shea," Jax struggles and Tara hearts instantly plummets. She was hurt. She relapsed. Why are they at the clubhouse, not the hospital? Where is she? Is she ok? "She was, uh, shot."

"Shot?" The word bursts from Tara and those four letters somehow have the power to erase all function in her brain, down to the simplicity of one question. "Is she ok?"

"Uh," It's Jax's hesitation, the fraction of a second, that brings her world to a screeching, crashing halt. The knowledge, something that she's known since she first saw Donna sobbing, is finally made real. Shea is not ok.

"Is she coming back?" Tara keeps on with her questions, hoping that Jax will suddenly burst into laughter and Shea will appear chuckling, all of them laughing at what a wonderful prank they've played on her, boastful of pulling something off on such an impressive scale.

"I don't—" Jax begins but Tara is whirling away from him. Her heartbeat feels like it's vaguely located in her throat, and her stomach is located near her knees, as though an overzealous doctor has opened her up and scrambled her insides for fun.

She runs towards the door, needing air. Needing to get away from the oppressive blackness of the club, with it's dark walls and everyone in black. She's trying to find Shea, the spot of sunshine Shea, who must just be outside the walls, she must.

"Tara!" She hears Opie call as she darts and dodges around people, but she has the advantage of being small and scrawny. She can wind through a crowd with ease. She hits the door and bursts in the dawn, gasping for air as she does.

She keeps running for the gate, so boxed in by the high walls that surround her on all sides. She needs to get out, she needs to get away, she needs to find Shea, she needs to—

"Tara!"

She is forcefully stopped, her momentum halted by colliding with a body that is double the size of her. She practically bounces off of him, dazed as she stumbles. Strong hands catch her, keeping her held upright. She weakly fights to get free.

"Tara." Jax grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her until she finally looks at him, chest rapidly rising and falling. "Tara, stop. You can't leave."

"Why?" She demands, bordering on hysterical, denial keeping the overwhelming grief bottled for a moment longer.

"Because they killed Shea." Jax holds her up. "And someone else could get hurt."

With that, she collapses to the ground and lets the pain flow.

She sits in the clubhouse, in a state of cloudy shock, curled into the corner of a couch. She hears bits and pieces from the conversation, and from the things that penetrate her haze, she pieces together what has happened.

Shea was somewhere she wasn't suppose to be. Donna's words make more sense, her repeated questions. Something happened, Tara doesn't quite understand. All she knows is that Mayans shot Shea. Mayans killed her and they might hurt someone else.

At some point, she registers that Jax has carried her into a bedroom and he's holding her to his chest, but she doesn't quite comprehend what's happening. Nothing seems to matter anymore, she thinks wearily. And at some point, despite having slept the entire night in her own bed, Tara falls into a state of sleep, exhausted.

 **AN:** Oh, please don't kill, though I am not Kurt Sutter... Tara needs to leave Charming. A couple chapters to go, and I am always happy to reply to messages and reviews (yell at me there!)


	73. Love Regardless

She is ice. That's all she is, when she awakes. Jax tells her something about deals and safety, promising to return her to her apartment, but nothing registers with Tara. Nothing does, because she has an invisible wall up that keeps everything contained within her so that she doesn't explode and wreck her world around her.

It doesn't register for her when Donna holds her in a hug, Tara rigid, Donna sobbing into her shoulder. It doesn't register for her when Gemma gives her a dirty look the second that Jax places a hand on her waist. It doesn't register for her when she gets on Jax's bike and heads home.

Jax tries to talk to her, tries to draw her out of her silence, but she doesn't hear him and she doesn't respond. She sits in the living room, knees to her chest, staring blankly at the black tv screen.

Eventually Jax leaves, saying something about Chinese food, and the solitude jolts her out of her shock. Before she even realizes what she's doing, she is flying around the apartment, throwing things violently. Shea's clothing, still so scattered all over the place, is thrown in her room. Photos of them are shattered against the wall.

"Tara." Jax bangs on the door. "Tara, let me in. Tara, I forgot my keys. Come on, let me in."

"Leave!" She doesn't even realize it's her that's screaming until she can't stop. "Leave, get the fuck out, fucking leave, leave now and get the hell out!"

"Tara!" Jax bangs on the door again. "Tara, let me in or—"

With vicious pleasure, she shoves a chair under the handle of the door. After a few shoves to the door, Jax seems to figure out what's happened and there's a stunned silence from behind the brown wood.

"Go. Away." Tara states, chest heaving. Her vision is blurring around the edges, and a fire is blazing through her veins. The weight of her grief, once a burden, is now converted to her strength. She is strong now.

It doesn't take Jax long to leave, and Tara waits until she can hear the roar of his bike to set her plan into action. It's still half formed, but she's moving quickly, before she can comprehend the true scope of her actions.

First is her bedroom. It's already neat, so there's not much there that she needs to do. But she heaves a massive suitcase down from the shelf that she brought her clothes from her home to the apartment in, and sets it on the floor.

In goes most of her wardrobe. Her jeans, her teeshirts, her shorts and tank tops. Piles grow around her- clothes that she will no longer need, clothes that aren't her's, and clothes that she cannot bring with her.

Shoes are pared down to a minimum- her clunky, heavy boots Jax purchased for her to wear on the bike join a pile of dark, ripped shirts and short, tight skirts. She keeps up her steely resolve, setting aside all the clothes that Jax has given her over the years.

The sun sets and darkness rises. Tara flips the lights on automatically, still moving. She realizes after a long moment that she can't remember the last time she ate, but still, she's not hungry. A sort of strength that transcends all her human needs has taken over her, pushing them out to make room for her will.

The kitchen doesn't need to be touched. A sort of sick part of her brain reminds her with glee that Gemma will be the one to clean this all up. Gemma will have to sort through the wreckage, and she hopes it causes Gemma pain. The bathroom is the same. Everything can be left behind. She doesn't care anymore.

At some point, her body stops before her mind does, and she collapses on the couch, sleeping before she can truly comprehend that she's doing so. When she wakes up, starving and disoriented, the light is streaming back in. She sits up abruptly, then realizes that her head is pounding.

"Jesus fuck." She mutters as she stumbles towards the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She chugs it, looking around at the mess she's made. Half of it can be disregarded. The other half she needs to get through, and she needs to do it soon.

She gets back to her task, still feeling like she is carved from a block of ice, but nothing can shatter her now. So she presses on with her task, until the living room has been cleaned of her items, and all that remains is the mess that Shea left behind.

She has a sandwich while she stares at Shea's closed door. It tastes like ash in her mouth, but she knows what she needs to do, and she's prepared to do it. Part of her wonders where Jax is, where Donna and Opie are. A part of her thinks wryly that for all their talks of family and closeness, that all it took was one death to blow them to separate corners with their grief.

Jax hasn't made a reappearance and that's ok. She's fine with not seeing him until this is done. It makes it easier. She gets up, takes a deep breath, steels herself, and opens Shea's door.

She pushes all of her memories out, finding a box and setting them aside mentally. She looks at the room with a detached air, noting that Shea's mess transcends all borders— her bedroom is the living room, only on a larger, and messier, scale.

She begins to sort through things, thinking critically. What should she take, what can she leave, all of it gets sorted. Again, she works disregarding the outside, not caring if the sun is up or down. It takes for her most of the day to get through the mess of Shea's room, and finally she emerges with one single item clasped in her hand.

The phone ringing startles her into realizing that the outside world has trooped on despite the turmoil she's had, isolated away in this apartment. She picks it up, feeling like she's still in a haze.

"Hello?"

"Tara." Donna's voice sounds as haggard as Tara's, like it's scratchy from disuse and crying. "The funeral is tomorrow. 10 am. St. Luke's, on 5th."

"Ok." Tara instinctively looks at the calendar, as if she's going to have a conflict. "I'll be there."

"Ok." Donna hangs up and Tara is reminded again that none of them has tried to check in on the others. Then, with a feeling of guilt, she remembers Ellen. Ellen, who lost her girlfriend, who lost someone just as massive as they did. She can't bring herself to reach out.

* * *

The next morning, she rouses herself groggily. Now that she's completed her furious packing, she has been thrown back into the pointless haze of her grief. Her limbs are heavy, and her head is pounding. Not even a shower can bring her out of it.

She dresses in black, putting on a tight black dress. Suddenly she remembers Halloween, and Shea in a ridiculous black suit, being cat woman. She begins to laugh, unable to hold it back. Laughing quickly turns to sobbing, and before she knows it, she's sitting on the floor, shoulders shaking as wails she didn't know she was capable of come out.

When she's empty, and her tears are done, she rises up. She wipes her cheeks dry, and stares at the girl in the mirror. She recalls her mother's funeral, and can't help but draw comparisons to that. She is still small, pale, with pinched cheeks. Her face looks hollow, from the lack of food she's eaten in the last couple days, and her eyes are dull.

She doesn't bother with hair or makeup. Somehow it seems even more like a disservice to Shea. Who is she looking good for? Why would she even try, when all that matters is that Shea is gone?

She picks up what she's taken from Shea's room- a necklace with a feather charm that dangles from it. Shea had always laughed when she'd worn it, saying it made her free as a bird. Tara fastens it around her neck and reverently hopes that's true now, that she's free.

She doesn't eat, but her hungry doesn't matter anymore. She's moved from ice to steel, robotic in her movements. She drives to the church and parks, before realizing belatedly that she should have brought flowers or something to memorialize her friend. As she rounds the corner to the church, she realizes just how unfounded this need is.

Someone, and her intuition is telling her Gemma, has plastered the church in flowers. Black roses in massive bouquets flank the open doors, and Tara stares at them in loathing. Not black. Shea didn't deserve black. Shea deserves light and brightness.

When she walks in, she is impervious to the men and women that hover, clad in leather and dark clothes. They look and notice her, but she doesn't see them. All she sees is the casket at the front of the long, cold aisle. Tara wants to move up it, but she stops.

"Tara." Donna's face crumples with relief when she spots her and before she realizes what's happening, she's holding Donna up while she cries into her shoulder.

"Hey." Opie says quietly, taking Donna carefully from leaning on Tara. "Are you ok? Jax said you locked him out."

"No." Tara can't drag her eyes off the casket. "I'm not."

"Tara." Jax's voice comes from behind her and she finally turns, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He looks nearly as terribly as she imagines she does. His eyes have heavy bags beneath him, and his skin is dull.

"Hey." She can't that her voice trembles; Jax always brings her walls down and she takes a step forward, letting him draw her into his arms. He holds her tightly and she shudders, trying to hold back a wave of tears she didn't know she had left in her.

"Come on, let's sit down." Opie encourages, guiding them to come of the front pews. Tara looks at the program in her hands, trying to comprehend the words written there. Something about amazing grace, and a poem written by someone unimportant.

The organ begins to play a mournful sort of tune, and Tara vividly recalls that something similar was playing at her mother's funeral. She reaches down, taking Jax's hand and holding tightly.

"You're freezing." He looks at her in concern, but she stays staring straight ahead, trying to will herself back into that state of mind where she could hold the grief at bay.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the tragic loss of a beloved daughter and friend, Shea—" A man begins, before the door to the church opens once more. The whole group turns to look, and instantly whispers start.

Ellen, dressed in a floor length black gown that Tara is sure she's seen in Shea's closet before, is striding down the aisle, head held high. She gracefully sits down, alone in a pew, with the eyes of the club still on her.

Tara rises, remembering her earlier desire to reach out to Ellen. She exits her pew, leaving behind Jax, Opie, and Donna. She walks, ignoring the glares of Gemma and Clay, to sit down next to Ellen.

"Thank you." Ellen's lips hardly move, but Tara sees the way in which the lower one wobbles. She doesn't reply, just takes her hand and squeezes it. After a long, pregnant pause, Donna stands next, coming to sit on the other side of Ellen, so that the three girls sit, clutching each other's hands.

Jax and Opie slowly rise, and Tara notes with a smugness that cuts through her pain that Gemma looks astonished, but Jax defies her to sit beside Tara, reaching an arm around to place a large palm on Ellen's shoulder.

"If I may ask you all to turn to hymn—" The man starts up again, and the eyes are taken off them, but Tara clings to the small flame that has been sparked by this defiance, and uses it to keep herself warm.

She listens to the words and the songs, idly comparing them to her mother's funeral. She can't bring herself to believe that it's Shea in that box, closed off. She's not in there. She's somewhere else, grinning and laughing, tempting someone in trouble far from this stifling church. The lake or the sky or somewhere free. That's where she is.

Donna is sobbing, while Opie and Jax are both stoic. Ellen is the middle. While she never wails or sobs, tears fall silently down her face, unchecked, until she has to bow her head and close her eyes. Tara stays quiet. She's done what she needs. She has broken apart and put her self back together again.

She can't help but tune out the words from other's. Gemma talks, because of course, and so does someone that grew up with Shea, a long haired man who reads in monotone. Instead, Tara thinks about what stories she would tell about Shea.

The stories of how they met. That one to start. It would make people laugh, with watery chuckles and shaking their heads. That sounds like Shea, they'd agree. Always up to something.

She'd tell them about the secret lake, and how Shea seemed so sage and magical that afternoon. How Tara felt like she finally had a sibling or a big sister to whom she could share problems with. Shea had been imperfect, but she had loved Tara. And Tara had loved her.

She'd finish with all the little anecdotes of living with Shea. How a pair of socks, belonging to neither of them, would linger in the hallway between their two doors, in purgatory. It was like a game of chicken, seeing who would cave first and pick the socks up.

Tears have started now and a detached part of her is surprised that she has any left. She thinks about how Shea would leave a dirty knife on the side of the sink, claiming that she would use to later to make a sandwich. Tara feels a yawning chasm open up within her heart, and she feels like she is falling into it.

Never again will she wake up to Shea having crawled into her bed, curled up against her back. Or fold Shea's laundry, or hear Shea laughing at three in the morning, watching an episode of cartoons on the tv. Shea is gone. All the moments and memories they shared are gone as well.

When the funeral is over, everyone shuffles out, but the group of 5 teenagers stay where they are. For a second it seems like Gemma will demand they up and move, but then she walks on, silent.

Jax and Opie go first, but it's only so far as to talk to a couple people straggling nearby. Tara waits until Donna has gotten up to join them before turning to Ellen, who is still clinging to her hand and crying.

"Ellen." She says and her voice cracks. "I have to ask you something."

"Ok." Ellen whispers.

"Shea… She was going to apologize. She was going to try to figure it out with you. She loved you… So much." Tara swallows past the lump in her throat. "Did she… Before it… Happened?"

"No." The single word manages to convey the utter heartbreak behind it. "But I'm going to lie to you. And say she did."

"She was going to." The words are empty and they don't provide comfort to Ellen, but Tara offers them anyways. They're all she has. "She… Loved you."

"And I loved her." Ellen turns to look at her and Tara sees the devastation in her eyes. "And now what?"

"I don't know." Tara says, but she does know. Deep down, she is ready for what's going to come. And as much as she wants to help Donna, Opie, Jax, and especially Ellen, she can't. Now, she's going to run.

"Thank you." Ellen says suddenly. "Thank you for letting me be here. I don't know if they were going to let me stay. Her dad wasn't— isn't— I don't know."

"You loved her." Tara says firmly. "You had every right to be here."

"I don't want to go out there." Ellen looks at the doors that everyone, including the casket, has disappeared through. "Her headstone, seeing that, I don't…" She breaks off, shuddering.

"Ok." A sense of relief goes through Tara. "Me either. We can stay here."

"Ok." And so they sit in the silence together, until outside the symphony of bikes signals that the funeral is done, and then it's finally over. Then, and only then, does Ellen stand, and still holding Tara's hand, make her way out into the sunlight.

"Doesn't seem right, does it?" Tara pointedly avoids looking at the cemetery. "Warmth. Sunshine. Not when I feel like everything else is so awful."

"No." Ellen turns her face up to the sun and smiles. "No, this is exactly what she would have wanted. This is her gift to us, isn't it? One last good day. God, she would've had a hundred things to do, wouldn't she?"

"Yeah." Tara chuckles. "She would've wanted to go here and do this and go there and run around."

"A mile a minute." Ellen agrees fondly and they sit in silence for a long moment."What do we do now?" Ellen asks the question again, but this time Tara looks out around at the cemetery, seeing three figures huddled beside a pile of dirt, as a man begins to slowly shovel earth back into the hole.

"I don't know." Tara looks at her. "Can you love again?"

"Not like this." Ellen rolls up her sleeves as the sun warms them and Tara notices a new tattoo that crosses her wrist, a butterfly flying away from a sunflower. "No, not like her."

"How do you get over it?" Tara focuses on the silhouette that must be Jax. "Losing the one you love the most in the world?"

"You never do." Ellen states. "I don't think I ever will."

"So what do we do?" Tara turns the question back to Ellen, who brings the tattoo up to her wrist, gives it a kiss, and looks to Tara.

"We love regardless."

* * *

When Jax finally walks up to the church, Tara is sitting alone on the steps, lost in thought. He glances around then looks at her quizzically, standing in front of her.

"Where's Ellen?"

"Gone." Tara says quietly. She doesn't need to elaborate on it. It's clear to all of them that there is only a slight chance they will ever see Ellen again.

"Do you want to talk about things?" He asks hesitantly and Tara nods, standing.

"But not here."

"Where then?" Jax looks at her in concern.

"The meadow." She states, her heart clenching. "I want us to go to the meadow."

"Ok." A little surprised, Jax takes her hand. "Hey, I love you."

"I love you." Tara holds his cheek and glad that no tears come up this time. "I'll see you there."

 **AN:** So there's only going to be one chapter after all of this, and I hope it's the best, because writing this broke my own heart, and of that, I'm pretty proud. A lot of you got where I was going with this- Tara needed something massive to get her out of Charming. (It's canon that she won't leave, even with two sons to protect.) So yes, that was my intention all along when I introduced Shea. Ten points to your Hogwarts house if you can spot the easter egg to how I tried to include something of Shea's into show-canon! Reviews are love, especially here at the end.


	74. A Prayer for SAMCRO

She sits amongst the dry grass, it scratching her thighs and back. She can't remember the last time it rained. She looks to the sky, to where the sunshine beats down, and her black dress suddenly feels like it's trapping the heat of the sun to her skin.

"Hey." Jax pulls up, with a look of concern. "Are we going to talk?"

"Of course." A terrible sense of calm has stolen over Tara, like she's sitting in the eye of a hurricane that her life has been.

"No, I mean really talk." Jax sits down across from her, grabbing her hands and holding tightly to them. "Something is wrong- really, really wrong. You're not ok. You locked me out for like three days?"

"Was it that long?" Momentarily distracted, Tara tries to think back through the period between Shea's death and her funeral. It's now a blur of packing, sorting, sobbing, and steeling herself to make the choice she's about to do it now.

"Yes." Jax tries to pull her closer, but she stays back. "Tara?"

"I think we all needed space to grieve." She remarks quietly. "I need space to get away from all of this, so that I can sort out my thoughts."

"Ok." Jax can clearly see that something is wrong, because he's running his fingers over her knuckles. "Ok, but are you ok?"

"No." She says honestly. "No Jax, I am not ok. And do you want to know why?"

"Why's that?" He looks earnestly into her eyes. "Why's that babe?"

"Because Shea is dead." Her voice trembles, and so she pauses to get it back under control. "She is dead Jax. She is never, ever coming back. She will never grow old. She will never have kids, or have another Christmas, or a birthday. She's not going to complete her bucket list. She's never going to give me a hug or laugh at Opie."

"You think I don't know that?" Jax leans back, hurt. "You think that doesn't break my heart? Tara, she was like my sister! She was raised with me!"

"I get that Jax." Tara tries to keep herself level. "But just because you were raised with someone doesn't mean that you knew them best, or loved them most. Look at your mother."

"What about my mother?" He snaps defensively.

"She doesn't know you best." Tara says softly. "She doesn't love you most."

"We're not fighting about my mother." He declares angrily.

"No, we aren't." Tara takes a deep breath. "Jax, we're not fighting at all. I just have something to tell you, and then you have a choice. It's as simple as that."

"What are you talking about?" Anger slips into bewilderment for a brief moment.

"Jax, I am going to college." The statement is as searing as the sun and it floats on the heat. Jax looks at her, stunned into silence.

"Ok, I know, but—"

"No, stop." Tara cuts him off. "Let me finish. I'm going to college. In San Diego. Right now."

"What?" Jax removes his hands like she's slapped him and she resists every urge to reach back to him. The absence of him is startling, and every inch of her revolts at the loneliness of it.

"I'm leaving. Soon." Tara looks down at her hands. "I want you to come with me."

"What?" Jax repeats, even more astonished. "Tara, I can't, you know I can't, move to San Diego, are you nuts? What would I do, go to college? I have my GED Tara. I have a life here. I have a job! I can't just get up and move all the way across this state, jesus christ."

"Jax." She says calmly and he falls quiet, glaring at her. "I'm going. It's happening. And you can come with me, or not."

"What happened to us working it out?" Jax's tone turns accusingly quickly. "Doing long distance, making it work?"

"I'm not doing that." Tara says flatly and Jax is blown backwards but her factual statement stands."Jax, I am never coming back. I don't want any connections to Charming."

"Are you—" He starts heatedly, but Tara keeps talking.

"Jax, don't you realize how messed up this is? Shea is dead." She snaps. "She is dead, because of this whole town. And Ellen lost her girlfriend and I lost my best friend and it's devastating, and what are you doing? Riding a motorcycle around, playing cowboy, pretending to be a bad ass without thinking of the consequences! What if that had been me? What if it had been Donna?"

"Tara, you can't blame the club for this." He protests.

"Yes, I can, and I will." She says firmly. "Jax, it was a club thing. And the police don't know it. And other people don't know it. But I do. And I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to get hurt. Or killed. Or for me to lose another friend."

"So you're abandoning us." He accuses.

"No, I want you to come with." Tara reaches out and takes his hands. "I want you to get out of here. It's toxic Jax, and you deserve better. You can do more!"

"This is my home. This is where I grew up and I belong!" He looks around and Tara is surprised when he looks back with tears in his eyes. "Tara, this is where Tommy is. My dad is. It's where my family is."

"No, it's where you're trapped. Jax, don't you see that? Everyone calls you the prince, says that you have to be in the club, you have to do it. Jesus christ, your mom and Clay and even Opie, they all act like this is your destiny!"

"It is!"

"No, it's not! Jax, you are smart and loyal and kind and good, you're so good, that you could do more outside of Charming. You can work as a mechanic anywhere."

"You are asking me to give up my life Tara, the life that I love."

"No, I'm asking you to build a new one. With me."

Quiet follows her declaration. A few times Jax opens his mouth as though he's going to say something, before he falls quiet. Tara simply waits for him to get his thoughts in order.

"What about Donna?" He switches track abruptly. "She's never going to forgive us if we leave now. Not with everything that's happened. You know how personally she takes it when people leave her. She'd hate us, forever."

"No she wouldn't." Tara says it knowing it's a lie. Of course it would be a huge, monstrous betrayal to her best friend, probably on the same level as her father. But Tara has to do it. "She'd understand how bad the club is."

"The club isn't bad." Jax snaps. "You just refuse to see any good in it."

"It. Killed. Shea." Tara clings to this fact as her trump card. "And that big, grand funeral where everyone cries and misses her? It doesn't take away from the fact that it took away every chance for her to keep growing."

"It's a family Tara." Jax folds his arms. "A family that comes together when bad things happen. A family that would accept you, if you'd let them!"

"No." She spits. "No, Jax. I'm not going to and you can't force me to, ever. Because I'm not ever going to forgive them for this. Jax, why don't you want out?"

"Because it's where I belong!"

"You belong with me!"

"How can you ask me to give up my family? Just because you don't have any family doesn't mean you can take me away from mine!"

"Oh." Tara blinks, astonished. Jax immediately falls silent, but doesn't take back his remark. Tara tries to wrap her head around what's he said and what it implies. "I didn't…"

"I'm sorry." Jax says quickly. "Tara, I meant—"

"No, no, you meant what you meant." Tara's heart is broken but she can't bring herself to examine the pieces just yet. "And you're right. I don't have a family. I just have a goal. And Jax, if you can't support me for it, then I don't know what to do."

"Are we breaking up?" Jax suddenly looks alarmed. "Are you ending things?"

"I don't know." Tara looks away, because tears are coming, unbidden to her eyes.

"Stop, just stop." Jax puts his hands up. "Stop. No. You're just still upset about Shea, you're still grieving."

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling." Tara's anger is rising. "You don't know. Jax, I'm trying to give you a better life! For you, for us. Why can't you see that?"

"It doesn't seem like it's better for me. What am I going to do, be your little kept boyfriend, while you show off how smart you are?" He snaps.

"No, thats not it." Tara throws her hands up, frustrated. "You'd, you'd… You'd be my boyfriend Jax! Same there as it is here. You'd support me and love me and take care of me."

"No, I wouldn't." He folds his arms. "I'd be nothing out there. This, here, in Charming, the club, it's all I have."

"You have me!"

"And what if that's not enough?"

"Are you saying I'm not enough for you?"

"I'm saying this club has been my birthright Tara. It's what's been expected of me since I was an hour old and they placed a reaper on my head. It's where I belong Tara, it's where I was raised!"

"You don't belong to anyone but yourself Jackson! And what do you want?" She reaches out and rests a hand over his heart. "In here, what do you want?

"I love you." He covers her hand with his. "And I want you to stay here. With me. Please."

"I. Can't." She pulls her hands away, tears gathering. "I can't Jax. Please don't make me do this."

"Do what?" He tries to reach for her and she takes a step back.

"I don't want to leave." Tears spill out. "I don't want to go, but Jax, I cannot stay here. I can't, not after all of this!"

"Tara, this isn't normal!" Jax says desperately.

"No Jax, this isn't." Tara runs her hands through her hair. "No, but it's normal to treat women like dirt and to have to watch my back and be worried about someone grabbing my ass and to have your mother hate me because she thinks that I'm trying to take you—"

"You are trying to take me!" Jax cuts her off. "So can we not make this about my mother?"

"It's always about your mother!" Tara glares. "It's about everything Jax!"

"So what Tara?" He demands, both of them staring at the other several paces apart.

"So this Jax." She gestures to the space between them. "This is only going to grow Jax, unless you come with me."

"Stop asking me that!" He yells. "Stop, Tara, just come back. Let's go home. Let's go home, you can cry, you can forget all about this."

"I am not coming home." Tara uses that statement to root herself to the ground, using her words to lock herself into her commitment. "I am going to college. Are you coming with me or not?"

"God!" Jax throws his hands up. "I can't!"

"Why not?" Tara is desperate. "Jax, just come with me!"

"Can I not have a second to even think about it?" He sits down and puts his head in his hands. "You can't just ask me to leave everything and turn on a dime."

"Because if you don't do it now, you never will." She says sadly. "Because Charming will keep it's claws in you and you'll never go. It's too much for you."

"So?" Jax looks up at her, the light gone from his blue eyes. "So now what?"

"Come with me."

"Tara…"

"Yes or no. Simple as that."

"Tara…. I…."

She watches him and her chest is hollow. Her heart, her lungs, all her insides have been scooped out and spilled aside. She knows somewhere in this empty space, her heartstrings are tightening. Soon they'll snap. There's no point in waiting for the pain to subside, or push it off any longer.

"Here." She reaches out and feels the ring on her finger. Heavy, it's weighed her hand down for the years that Jax has been loving her. It's been a part of her, for years. She pulls it from her finger and her hand feels too light; wrong without it's weight.

"Tara." He looks at it rather than her. There's no more words that can be said, from either of them, so they are silent. Tara stands, looking up at the too bright sun. A beautiful day to contrast her utter misery.

"I… Love you." She says slowly, not looking down at him. "More than anything. More than myself. More than the sun and the moon and the stars and all that has been and will be. I will always love you Jackson Nathanial Teller. I will never not love you."

"Then don't go." Jax looks up at her, broken.

"I love you." Tara repeats and he curls his hand around the ring. "And I will always love you."

She turns and walks towards her car. It takes everything in her to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one and then another, to walk away from him. The jarring steps against the earth shatter her, more and more, until she opens the door to her car and slips in.

The drive back to town is filled with tears and missed turns, but eventually she finds herself parked in front of a pretty brick house, flanked by trees and a well watered lawn. She looks up at it, heart heavy. Then she turns and looks at the packed suitcases in her back seat.

"Tara!" George walks out, smiling and waving. A pretty woman appears behind him, smiling and wearing a blue gingham dress. It's like a sitcom, Tara thinks distractedly.

"You ok honey?" She asks worriedly, when Tara exits the car and wipes away at the lingering tears.

"Yes, sorry." Tara gives her as big a smile as she can muster. "I was at a funeral."

"For your friend, the girl that was killed?" George asks, then shakes his head. "What a tragic accident."

"Yes," Tara says hollowly. "Tragic accident."

"Well come on inside." George's wife beams at her. "We're making pie for dessert if you want to help. We can't wait to drive you down for orientation, you're going to love San Diego. I lived there as a little girl, and I remember…"

Tara is ushered up the stairs, through the doors on the house, and away from Charming. She doesn't look back.

* * *

 _Ten years later, Chicago, Illinois..._

She sits in her bedroom, staring in terror at the roses that scatter the ground. She's never liked roses. She told him that. She's never liked roses, they remind her of death, she told him that. She wonders, sick, if that's why he chooses them. To remind her of death. That if she leaves him, death will come for her.

She needs to get away, she realizes. She needs to run from him. It doesn't matter where she goes. It doesn't matter how many times she runs or the apartments she switches. The longer she stays here, the quicker he will find her.

She swallows the urge to vomit, stumbling to the closet to grab a broom and dustpan. She sweeps the petals up and runs for a balcony. She doesn't even want the reminder of him sitting in her trash.

She tosses the petals into the air and watches as they float on the wind, contrasting against the wintery drifts that have blown into the courtyard of her apartment building. The air is biting, but Tara doesn't feel it anymore. She's always so cold these days.

She wants the sunshine again. She wants the light again. She wants warmth and heat and safety. She knows what she wants, deep down in her heart. She is terrified of how bad she wants this, and what happens if she can't have it.

She needs to do it. It's been going around in her head for weeks now, months. Maybe even longer, if she let's herself think about it. Basically since the day she dropped that ring into Jax's palm and turned away.

She absentmindedly rubs the finger where it once sat. It still bears the mark of that ring, and somethings when she least expects it, she feels the ghost of it's weight. A reminder, for all of time, who she was before she became this.

She walks back inside, closing the door to the harsh Chicago winter. The heat is set at 73, but Tara still feels like she's standing in the icy wind, defenseless. In a daze, she grabs a kitchen chair and slides it up under the doorknob. She draws the curtains, locks the windows, and then goes to her closet to sit in the corner, drawing her knees to her chest. Even then, nothing makes her feel safe.

"You want to go where?" Mark, the administrator at the hospital, looks at her in surprise the next day. "Where even is Charming?"

"It's a small town in California." Tara answers monotonously. "It's where I grew up."

"Oh, that makes sense." Mark references her papers again. "No mention of it on here though."

"I'm not very fond of mentioning it." Tara remarks and Mark glances at her.

"Well then why go back?"

"My father died." She explains and his face falls slightly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"It's ok, not many people do." Tara gives him a halfhearted smile. "We weren't close. But I need to go tidy up some loose ends there. Besides, I think it would help me grow my skills, working in a small, somewhat rural hospital."

"I don't doubt you'll do great wherever you go." Mark muses, rubbing his chin. "That's exactly why the hospital doesn't want to lose you."

"I might come back." Tara lies, trying to sound glib. "You know I love it here. I just need to spend a little time in Charming."

"Well, I can't fault you there." Mark glances at the window. "They got winters like this in Charming?"

"They don't have winters like this anywhere." Tara manages wryly.

"To remember us fondly by." Mark says grandly. "Then I would be delighted to recommend you greatly to St. Thomas. You have mine, and everyone else's here blessing to go forth and do good work there."

"Thank you." Tara gives him the first genuine smile she's had since finding the rose petals on her bedroom floor. "And if you don't mind, could you not tell anyone about this? I want to do it on my own."

"Of course." Mark waves a hand.

"Thanks." Tara stands and slides her chair into the desk. "I appreciate you keeping that confidential."

"Well, remember us here when you're sitting on the beach in the sun." Mark opens the door for her. "Maybe I'll delay the paperwork, keep you here until spring."

"No, I'd appreciate you going quickly." She says hastily. "I've got some time sensitive things at home, and I'd like to leave soon."

"Want to get out of the snow?" Thankfully, Mark doesn't press her. "Alright, I'll do my best. Thank you, Dr. Knowles."

"Thank you." With a sigh of relief, Tara walks out of his office, looking around at the walls of the hospital. They are familiar to her, after her years of racing through them, trying to save lives, succeeding and failing.

But they're not home. They're not where she feels safe, and secure, and welcomed. Is that Charming anymore? What if she goes back, and it is as barbed and terrifying as Chicago has become at the hands of a deranged man?

It won't be, some part of her that is half buried whispers. Charming is Charming. It is light and warmth. There, she is safe. There, he can't touch her. That's her turf. That's her land. She is running, and running home.

What about Gemma, an insidious voice rises up to counter the other voice. Tara refuses to waste any moment of her time on Gemma, and she has for the last decade of her life. But she lets a bit of doubt creep in. Gemma hated her, and she'll likely hate her more upon Tara's return.

But she can't focus on that. She can't focus on the what-ifs and maybes and might happens. Because she knows, for certain, that if she stays here, she will end up dead. And if there's one thing Gemma can't do, it's kill her.

She heads home, exhausted with her day, exhausted of watching over her shoulder, for things that are going to come out of the dark for her. When she gets home and nothing sinister awaits her, she completes her standard procedure, locking the doors, inserting the chair, and checking all hiding spots for who might await.

Then she grabs a stool, walks into the closet, reaches up, and yanks the suitcase down. She begins to throw things in it at random, uncaring. She leaves her scarves and hats and coat. No need for that where she's going. Everything else can stay too. Nothing needs to come with her.

She stops when she gets to her jewelry. She reaches down, rummaging through them, pushing aside the cheap costume jewelry until she gets to what she's actually looking for. An old necklace, one she hasn't worn for years.

A thin chain, with a feather dangling from it. One that sat around Shea's neck in the years past, and hasn't graced Tara's since she removed it after her first day of college, and put it away for safekeeping.

She reaches up and fastens it around her neck, looking down at it with a shaky breath. A reminder of where she came from. Why she left. And a reminder of why she's going home.

There's still so much to do. Buy a plane ticket. Get the job. Transfer her work, get the paperwork done, ship her things, say her goodbyes for those that deserve a goodbye and can keep her secret, and she actually has to get there and begin her life all over again, for what will be the third time.

But she's doing it. She's going back, she's set her mind to it, and she won't regret it. She looks forward at what's to come, and her heart soars despite her every attempt to keep it contained. She raises the feather to her lips, and unbidden, whispers a prayer she remembers from Jax, long ago.

 **AN:** Holy shit, this is done. I started this story as a junior in college, and I finish it as an adult and proud puppy mommy of a little baby named... Opie! He's adorable, oversized, loyal, calm, and as named for the best man ever. Thank you to all who read, reviewed, commented, laughed, cried, everything with me. This has been nothing but a joy and blessing to write. Thank you, and leave a review on the way out!


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